I have a small problem & need some advice

[H.S. Burrow]

Our local homeschool group will be having their Fall Kick-Off meeting next month. I am having issues with how the board & alumni members run this group and have already decided to limit our involvement.

 

My small problem is that I am having difficulty with how to approach our limited involvement. One of the alumni members is the sister in law to my DHs boss and that makes things a little sticky. I need to be tactful, but I have real concerns with how it seems that if you don't agree with their flavor of Chrisitianity, they will limit your (and your children's) involvement with the group.

 

These are some of the problems that I have with this group:

 

A statement of faith must be signed each year or you cannot join. We are Christians, so I don't have a problem with the statement of faith, I have a problem that it is a requirement for participation.

 

You must regularly (by their definition) attend church or you cannot participate in Co-Op. And your pastor must give his approval that you are a good Christian.

 

You must submit your church and your pastor must give his approval that you are a good Christian before you can serve on the board (this homeschool group has incorporated as a non-profit association).

 

This group does not post their meeting times for board meetings and/or general meetings so that other members may attend.

 

This board saves private emails and will submit them without your knowledge as minutes to meetings that are not made public.

 

These are just a few of the problems that I have with this group. I have already been very vocal on how I disagree with their requirements and have told them that I will not give them our church information on principle...assuming that we find a local church that we can live with...and that will be another thread entirely!;)

 

As I said before, we will be limiting our involvement. I would like to start another group, a very laid back group, no requirements necessary for participation. This board has managed to put an end to any groups that have attempted to start in this area.

 

Any ideas how to do this without hurting DHs employment? Or am I stuck with either participate or don't?

 

Thanks for any advice you can give!

[chaik76]

I'll be watching to see what advice you get. This is the same problem we have in our area...

[beansprouts]

Generally nobody can argue with: "We feel that the Lord is leading us in a different direction". ;)

[JFSinIL]

I would simply not join, and not explain why. if asked, do not go into all the reasons, but state that "It won't work out for us at this time." The relative of your hubby's boss can hardly get angry about that!

 

Starting your own, less restrictive groups sounds like a good idea.

[H.S. Burrow]

I'll be watching to see what advice you get. This is the same problem we have in our area...

 

 

I'm sorry that you have the same problem....it really stinks!

 

Here's a :grouphug:.

[kaylk in tx]

as i told another homeschool mom recently who asked if we were in a homeschool group, i don't like people that much. really.... i'm extremely introspective and just do not like doing group things. and with as clique-ish as this group sounds, i'd be running for the hills. dh is a big boy... if questioned about it at work, he can just say something like this is the best decision for us at this time and leave it at that. if pressed, just say that you've chosen to limit outside activities that were taking focus away from your family. YMMV of course!

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I wouldn't limit my involvement, I would run as fast as I can to my home and far away from this group. They seem controlling and manipulative. There must be other moms who don't attend or feel the same way, start something relaxed with them. The other group doesn't need to know about it and what kind of Christians are they if they stop all other groups from succeeding?

 

Seriously reconsider even limiting your involvement. JMHO

[Spy Car]

I'm shocked!

[Tammy]

I would start your own group....and as most others have said.....say nothing to them, LOL!

[H.S. Burrow]

I wouldn't limit my involvement, I would run as fast as I can to my home and far away from this group. They seem controlling and manipulative. There must be other moms who don't attend or feel the same way, start something relaxed with them. The other group doesn't need to know about it and what kind of Christians are they if they stop all other groups from succeeding?

 

Seriously reconsider even limiting your involvement. JMHO

 

There are a few. The problems is that most of our spouses work for the same employer. So far, any problems in the group have NOT effected the employment of the spouses. I think that we're all a little apprehensive. One of the other moms is the one whose private emails were submitted as minutes of a meeting that never took place. The co-op meets on Fridays and we are thinking of having our meeting on Fridays, but we know that word will get out. This is the kind of group that would cancel co-op to "attack" a new group.

 

Thanks for the ideas. I have said to a few select individuals that the regular group day & time will not work for us this year and we won't be around much.

[beansprouts]

There are a few. The problems is that most of our spouses work for the same employer. So far, any problems in the group have NOT effected the employment of the spouses. I think that we're all a little apprehensive. One of the other moms is the one whose private emails were submitted as minutes of a meeting that never took place. The co-op meets on Fridays and we are thinking of having our meeting on Fridays, but we know that word will get out. This is the kind of group that would cancel co-op to "attack" a new group.

 

Thanks for the ideas. I have said to a few select individuals that the regular group day & time will not work for us this year and we won't be around much.

 

I would *not* allow this group or any other to hold me hostage!!

 

Do you really need a formal homeschool group? Why not just find another family to share field trips, etc., on an informal basis?

[H.S. Burrow]

Generally nobody can argue with: "We feel that the Lord is leading us in a different direction". ;)

 

If only that were the case here. These folks think the Lord only leads the direction they walk.:lol: They can't/won't/don't accept that the Lord leads others in other directions and even other paths.

[beansprouts]

If only that were the case here. These folks think the Lord only leads the direction they walk.:lol: They can't/won't/don't accept that the Lords others in other directions and even other paths.

 

 

Danger, danger Will Robinson!

[H.S. Burrow]

I would *not* allow this group or any other to hold me hostage!!

 

Do you really need a formal homeschool group? Why not just find another family to share field trips, etc., on an informal basis?

 

 

I don't need a formal group. The kids enjoy meeting with the other kids. Unfortunately, the only kids the age of my kids are the kids of the board members that I want to avoid.

 

One of the other moms and I do get our kids together once a week and we are planning several fieldtrips for the fall.

 

Our main concern is the connection to our DHs employer.

[jenn-]

I would start a new group. You might be surprised how many homeschooling families come out of the wood works if there isn't all those rules. You will just have to find a way to advertise the group that won't necessarily be pulling members away from the exsisting group (unless you are aware of more unhappy souls). If you do create a group though you will have to determine how inclusive you are willing to be before you put it out there (ie accepting of alternate lifestyles, religions or lack thereof, single parents, etc).

[Dayle in Guatemala]

These are people who walk a very dangerous line. Correction, they've stepped miles over that line. Pray, ask God to be in control and do what you have to do. Have dh pray with you. There aren't words for that type of intimidation and control.

 

I would reconsider meeting at the same time and same day as the other group just so you don't give them ammunition. Is there another time to meet?

 

God bless.

[Brindee]

Wow, I can't believe this lady wields such control! That's evil, IMHO! Isn't that illegal somehow?

 

I WOULDN'T start another group. I'd just say it doesn't work out for you to be in the group this year, and go your own way as much as possible!

 

I'd also pray that something happens/works out, so others can join/make a more informal group that is more open and caring of each other!

[Old Dominion Heather]

Run AWAY!

[Myrtle]

All the homeschool groups I know of either require a statement of faith or what amounts to a statement of diversity.

 

The ideal thing for me would be just to meet with folks informally, like friends do, at parks and homes.

 

Can't help you out with the politics.

[Murphy101]

There are a few. The problems is that most of our spouses work for the same employer. So far, any problems in the group have NOT effected the employment of the spouses. I think that we're all a little apprehensive. One of the other moms is the one whose private emails were submitted as minutes of a meeting that never took place. The co-op meets on Fridays and we are thinking of having our meeting on Fridays, but we know that word will get out. This is the kind of group that would cancel co-op to "attack" a new group.

 

Thanks for the ideas. I have said to a few select individuals that the regular group day & time will not work for us this year and we won't be around much.

 

I would run and strat a new group also. But how I'd start a new group would be to just invite those that I want to do things with. For example, if you know a few other moms in the same boat, I'd give them a call and simply say, "Hey, the group at large isn't meeting my families needs and I was wondering if you would like to gather for a playdate and maybe plan some outings together?"

 

Frankly I think this is just what happens when a group gets too big for it's britches. I would have a small informal circle of ladies that simply want to share support and encouragement and maybe go to the occassional field trip together or share a subject coop-y like. Basicly, if they aren't invited they don't get to come. Keeps it small and friendly and simple.

 

In fact, this is exactly what I do now.

 

I don't need a formal group. The kids enjoy meeting with the other kids. Unfortunately, the only kids the age of my kids are the kids of the board members that I want to avoid.

 

One of the other moms and I do get our kids together once a week and we are planning several fieldtrips for the fall.

 

Our main concern is the connection to our DHs employer.

 

Let dh worry about his job and let you worry about your job. I would not continue contact with them because if you do it just gives them something to feed on. If they want to argue amoung themselves about you doing your own thing, then let them, but stay out of it.

 

Just because your husbands work together does not mean you are obligated to work with their wives.

[teamturner]

I'm kind of curious as to what you mean by they will cancel co-op and go "attack" the new group. What in the world does that mean? How can you stop someone from assembling?

 

And if any of the husband's lose their jobs if their wives leave and start another hs group isn't that grounds for a lawsuit? Sounds completely Stepford wives to me. Makes me glad that I hs in a very large metro area. Yikes! I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. I agree that you should leave the group as they sound very toxic. :001_huh:

 

Blessings,

[klmama]

I see a similar situation where I live. Not good.

 

By all means, don't join. Also, given the circumstances, don't explain. Sweetly say things won't work out this year, and repeat that year after year! Meet with a few friends for special activities. I know hsers who have regular playdates, science class, speech class, etc. together, simply based on the fact that their moms wanted to do it that way. No group fees, just everyone pitching in to cover costs. It's worked well for them.

[H.S. Burrow]

I'm kind of curious as to what you mean by they will cancel co-op and go "attack" the new group. What in the world does that mean? How can you stop someone from assembling?

 

And if any of the husband's lose their jobs if their wives leave and start another hs group isn't that grounds for a lawsuit? Sounds completely Stepford wives to me. Makes me glad that I hs in a very large metro area. Yikes! I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. I agree that you should leave the group as they sound very toxic. :001_huh:

 

Blessings,

 

You know how small towns can be I'm sure....that's what I have here. Select few families are the ones that are really running things. They have gone out of their way to be where a group of moms were walking to confront them about how they were starting a separate group. The other moms were just walking together and this group took action. Since they have a history of behaving this way, I have no doubt that they would cancel or delay co-op to "deal" with us....maybe attack was too strong of a word.

[Doran]

Our area had a homeschool cooperative being run in a similar rigid fashion. We were not able to participate at that time (what joy!) due to scheduling conflicts. Ultimately, though, the two most fanatical women's husbands took new jobs in two separate states, thus freeing the coop from their grasp. Had I been keenly interested in being involved in a co-op at that time, I would have started another group without a second thought. As it is, we enjoyed participating for the first time this past year with families from many different world views and with entirely new leadership. A few families, who were more interested in a Christian only co-op, chose to spin off and start another group of their own.

 

As to the situation of your husband's boss being part of this mix, I'll offer this: people in power thrive on the feeling that those "beneath" them will continue to cowtow to their authority out of fear. If your husband's or any other man's employment was affected by his wife's choice to break off from a homeschool co-op, I'd take that straight to the EEOC. Discrimination based on religion is a federal crime. Perhaps you could mail some relevant literature to the board to read into the mintues of their next meeting.

 

Grrr. :glare: I'm angry for you!

[Remudamom]

You know how small towns can be I'm sure....that's what I have here. Select few families are the ones that are really running things. They have gone out of their way to be where a group of moms were walking to confront them about how they were starting a separate group. The other moms were just walking together and this group took action. Since they have a history of behaving this way, I have no doubt that they would cancel or delay co-op to "deal" with us....maybe attack was too strong of a word.

 

 

Do you realize how insane this is? Gird your loins and stand up to them. If they want to confront you about your group, confront right back. They don't have any right at all to tell you how to do your own thing. Who gives a crap about what they think God's telling their group?? You can do it politely if you want.

 

Or make sure you have some power water guns with you in the park and blast their donkeys right off their feet. Carry some garlic with you and throw it at them. Run in the other direction shouting "the antichrist, the antichrist!".

 

You might be surprised about how this will affect your hub's job. I can just see it now- the boss will be very impressed that someone finally had the cojones to stand up to his bio-tech sil and give your hub a promotion.

[H.S. Burrow]

Our area had a homeschool cooperative being run in a similar rigid fashion. We were not able to participate at that time (what joy!) due to scheduling conflicts. Ultimately, though, the two most fanatical women's husbands took new jobs in two separate states, thus freeing the coop from their grasp. Had I been keenly interested in being involved in a co-op at that time, I would have started another group without a second thought. As it is, we enjoyed participating for the first time this past year with families from many different world views and with entirely new leadership. A few families, who were more interested in a Christian only co-op, chose to spin off and start another group of their own.

 

As to the situation of your husband's boss being part of this mix, I'll offer this: people in power thrive on the feeling that those "beneath" them will continue to cowtow to their authority out of fear. If your husband's or any other man's employment was affected by his wife's choice to break off from a homeschool co-op, I'd take that straight to the EEOC. Discrimination based on religion is a federal crime. Perhaps you could mail some relevant literature to the board to read into the mintues of their next meeting.

 

Grrr. :glare: I'm angry for you!

 

Thank you Doran, I had not thought of the discrimination aspect. That just might help the others who are too afraid to start a separate group.

 

I would really like group with varying worldviews. I think that there are too many "flavors" of Christianity for a large group to function well - you get a couple or three of the same "flavor" running things and before you know it you find that your Pralines & Cream Ice cream cone is now all Cream - someone has picked all the Pralines out because one person doesn't like the nuts. I would definitely be a nut!!

[Doran]

Do you realize how insane this is? Gird your loins and stand up to them. If they want to confront you about your group, confront right back. They don't have any right at all to tell you how to do your own thing. Who gives a crap about what they think God's telling their group?? You can do it politely if you want.

 

Or make sure you have some power water guns with you in the park and blast their donkeys right off their feet. Carry some garlic with you and throw it at them. Run in the other direction shouting "the antichrist, the antichrist!".

 

You might be surprised about how this will affect your hub's job. I can just see it now- the boss will be very impressed that someone finally had the cojones to stand up to his bio-tech sil and give your hub a promotion.

 

"Ms. Weasley" -- not to make light of your real circumstances, but listen to what's being stated here, please. It's hit the bullseye.

 

Remudamom -- Gird your loins indeed!! Having just watched The Devil Wears Prada, I am newly in love with that line. The image of throwing garlic, otoh, has me laughing out loud!

 

:lol:

[Doran]

I would definitely be a nut!!

 

 

And, if you want to giggle a bit, just spend a moment picturing a cowtow. Of course that should have been kowtow, but the mental image of hauling a cow does bring up a pretty funny focal point in light of the gals who are shoving their weight around in your co-op.

 

 

Mooooo!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Personally, I would stop going to the group. If anyone asks why, just say that "it doesn't meet our needs at this time." or that "we have too many scheduling conflicts." Get together with people you want to get together with - of all ages. One of the reasons that many of us homeschool is to get away from the "we can only socialize with people the same age" mind-set. My children have friends who range from toddler age to in their 90's. (An occasional few may actually be the same age as they are!) A friend's age is not an indicator (in our experience) of how good a friend is.

 

If you meet with someone at the park and are confronted, I would quietly ask them to leave you alone. (If they didn't comply then I would do a 'Remudamom' on them!)

 

Your involvement in this group should have no bearing on your husband's employment. If they tried to make it so, you would have grounds to take them to court because that would be discriminatory (besides just ridiculous).

[H.S. Burrow]

Do you realize how insane this is? Gird your loins and stand up to them. If they want to confront you about your group, confront right back. They don't have any right at all to tell you how to do your own thing. Who gives a crap about what they think God's telling their group?? You can do it politely if you want.

 

Or make sure you have some power water guns with you in the park and blast their donkeys right off their feet. Carry some garlic with you and throw it at them. Run in the other direction shouting "the antichrist, the antichrist!".

 

You might be surprised about how this will affect your hub's job. I can just see it now- the boss will be very impressed that someone finally had the cojones to stand up to his bio-tech sil and give your hub a promotion.

 

:lol::lol::lol: I wish I had the guts to do this exactly as you have written!!!:lol::lol::lol:

[GraceinMD]

If they didn't comply then I would do a 'Remudamom' on them!

 

 

Who's the secretary today? I think this neologism needs to go in the Great Book of Board Lore!

 

:smilielol5: ... do a Remudamom .... :smilielol5:

[Gretchen in NJ]

I wouldn't limit my involvement, I would run as fast as I can to my home and far away from this group. They seem controlling and manipulative. There must be other moms who don't attend or feel the same way, start something relaxed with them. The other group doesn't need to know about it and what kind of Christians are they if they stop all other groups from succeeding?

 

Seriously reconsider even limiting your involvement. JMHO

:iagree: I'd run for the hills! The seem to be very judgemental.:confused: That doesn't sound very Christain to me.

[TravelingChris]

Well I belong to a group that has a statement of faith but nothing like what you are describing. We have many types of Christians in our group on in the leadership from Catholic to mainstream Protestant to Orthodox to various forms of more fundamentalist or charismatic Christians.

 

I am in another group where it is more inclusive. there are Jewish, Christians, many non religious, and some Pagans in it. I have made some friends there but for some there being a Christian or a conservative Republican is a dirty word.

 

Overall, my children felt more at home in the Christian group so we do much more with them.

[Ashleen]

I would run the other way. They most definitely can't force you to be in their group based on your husband's job. Forcing an employee's wife to sign a statement of faith is so illegal that on a slow news day, it would probably get them national coverage if they fired for that.

[mcconnellboys]

Well, I'm not sure how to formally start another group, but it seems that you could try to informally meet others who are of like mind and just get together at the library or at one another's homes, without really letting the word get out too much. If you're just doing "little, informal" things together, it shouldn't be considered a threat by anyone else....

[magistramom]

Reply from a night owl (not by choice - I should post for sleeping advice)...

 

Sorry to hear of your difficulty with your local support group. An article that may help them see what they are doing is THE INNER RING by CS Lewis. Here is the link:

 

http://www.geocities.com/bigcslewisfan/

 

Here is a synopsis:

Lewis admonishes each of us of the dangers of inner rings - groups that make members, or members to be jump through hoops and rings to join. These groups are only interested in followers (CS Lewis infers that these groups mimic Satan's attempt to get people to follow his way).

 

The better way to approach rings is to view them as Aristotle did - friendships with common ideas/factors where people WANT to gravitate to you/your group. These groups help people become leaders (CS Lewis infers that these groups mimic Christ's living ministry on earth - collecting people that want to be a part of His work, and yet allowing them to progress/fulfill roles in current and future leadership positions themselves).

 

Inner rings are off the straight and narrow path that we are to try to follow in life. The beginning of the path is birth; the end of the path is death. What is before and after is up to personal beliefs. As we are on that straight path (think of a straight line to represent your life), we dip into side groups for learning, friendships and fun. If we can always see the path that we are to be on as we dip into these circles, we are in the right group. If however, we get caught into a ring/group, and view ourselves as elitist and mutually exclusive - we defeat the purpose of joining that ring/group.

 

Lewis wrote the article in an attempt to speak about Hitler's movement - much as Picasso painted Guirneca as an attempt to educate others of an evil, experimental event that happened in his native country, Spain. Hitler had inner rings - with himself at the center. If you could prove your loyalty to him and his movement - you would move a bit closer to the inner ring.

 

I honestly do not see a need for anyone to prove their loyalty to any one group or person for anything these days. Study up on Aristotle's views of friendship. You'll see the world in brighter light. Good luck!

[bettyandbob]

I never liked the SOF either, but in general it's ok. The rest of it sounds really creepy and controlling. I'd plan next year without co op classes. Maybe I'd find 2-3 moms and plan a regular park day, but nothing more. Co-op can be great if you find one that fits your needs, but this one is not worth it. I'm sure you can provide all the academics co op provides and find outlets for social/recreation/arts/athletics. If you do a park day, in winter you can meet at your homes on a rotating basis.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

Reply from a night owl (not by choice - I should post for sleeping advice)...

 

Sorry to hear of your difficulty with your local support group. An article that may help them see what they are doing is THE INNER RING by CS Lewis. Here is the link:

 

http://www.geocities.com/bigcslewisfan/

 

Here is a synopsis:

Lewis admonishes each of us of the dangers of inner rings - groups that make members, or members to be jump through hoops and rings to join. These groups are only interested in followers (CS Lewis infers that these groups mimic Satan's attempt to get people to follow his way).

 

The better way to approach rings is to view them as Aristotle did - friendships with common ideas/factors where people WANT to gravitate to you/your group. These groups help people become leaders (CS Lewis infers that these groups mimic Christ's living ministry on earth - collecting people that want to be a part of His work, and yet allowing them to progress/fulfill roles in current and future leadership positions themselves).

 

Inner rings are off the straight and narrow path that we are to try to follow in life. The beginning of the path is birth; the end of the path is death. What is before and after is up to personal beliefs. As we are on that straight path (think of a straight line to represent your life), we dip into side groups for learning, friendships and fun. If we can always see the path that we are to be on as we dip into these circles, we are in the right group. If however, we get caught into a ring/group, and view ourselves as elitist and mutually exclusive - we defeat the purpose of joining that ring/group.

 

Lewis wrote the article in an attempt to speak about Hitler's movement - much as Picasso painted Guirneca as an attempt to educate others of an evil, experimental event that happened in his native country, Spain. Hitler had inner rings - with himself at the center. If you could prove your loyalty to him and his movement - you would move a bit closer to the inner ring.

 

I honestly do not see a need for anyone to prove their loyalty to any one group or person for anything these days. Study up on Aristotle's views of friendship. You'll see the world in brighter light. Good luck!

 

You have given me much to think about today. I've always had trouble with joining groups because of the leaders that have the "jump through these hoops" mentality. I had a former friend/mom who actually admitted that she was looking only for followers for her co-op. If there was another mom that exhibited leadership skills or had different ideas, she'd quietly force them out when it was time to plan another semester. She never could get me trained, or get me to join "her" co-op, so she dropped me;). Never have I been so glad to be excluded....

[elegantlion]

Reply from a night owl (not by choice - I should post for sleeping advice)...

 

Sorry to hear of your difficulty with your local support group. An article that may help them see what they are doing is THE INNER RING by CS Lewis. Here is the link:

 

http://www.geocities.com/bigcslewisfan/

 

Here is a synopsis:

Lewis admonishes each of us of the dangers of inner rings - groups that make members, or members to be jump through hoops and rings to join. These groups are only interested in followers (CS Lewis infers that these groups mimic Satan's attempt to get people to follow his way).

 

The better way to approach rings is to view them as Aristotle did - friendships with common ideas/factors where people WANT to gravitate to you/your group. These groups help people become leaders (CS Lewis infers that these groups mimic Christ's living ministry on earth - collecting people that want to be a part of His work, and yet allowing them to progress/fulfill roles in current and future leadership positions themselves).

 

Inner rings are off the straight and narrow path that we are to try to follow in life. The beginning of the path is birth; the end of the path is death. What is before and after is up to personal beliefs. As we are on that straight path (think of a straight line to represent your life), we dip into side groups for learning, friendships and fun. If we can always see the path that we are to be on as we dip into these circles, we are in the right group. If however, we get caught into a ring/group, and view ourselves as elitist and mutually exclusive - we defeat the purpose of joining that ring/group.

 

Lewis wrote the article in an attempt to speak about Hitler's movement - much as Picasso painted Guirneca as an attempt to educate others of an evil, experimental event that happened in his native country, Spain. Hitler had inner rings - with himself at the center. If you could prove your loyalty to him and his movement - you would move a bit closer to the inner ring.

 

I honestly do not see a need for anyone to prove their loyalty to any one group or person for anything these days. Study up on Aristotle's views of friendship. You'll see the world in brighter light. Good luck!

 

That is just beautiful, I don't know what to say! I'm saving that link. Agree HS, it sounds very Stepford to me. :001_huh:

[Soph the vet]

Sounds like the board is a bunch of hypocritical control freaks.

 

I lead a co-op board. We have a statement of faith but we do not have families sign it. It is more so that anyone coming into the co-op knows where we stand (the leadership) but it doesn't necessarily have to be where they are at, KWIM? So when we do a Bible study during the mom's time the members are not shocked.

We do have a family code that everyone signs which is good so we all know what is considered acceptable vs. unacceptable behavior of the students.

I can't imagine trying to thwart another group from starting up. I have 12 families on a waiting list, pretty typical for this area, and I wish they would all just get together and start another group.

 

BTW, Remudamom, I've always wondered how to spell cojones!:lol:

[PrairieAir]

Wow, those sound like the requirements of a very popular co-op in Wichita. I'd always avoided it because of their very strict requirements although I am a Christian. When dd switched to another gym, some of the families from this co-op had daughters on the team. The moms were nice ladies as far as I could tell and I talked with a few of them occasionally. One of the ladies invited us to join for next year. You have to have two people from the group recommend you and she said she would be one and was sure the other mom (who started the group) would be the second. I did my best to politely decline. The fact that the youngest is going to public school next year gave me a good reason:D I've been burned too badly by groups with less strict guidelines to even want limited involvement with a group like this.

 

Not only do I not agree with those types of policies, it is my experience that groups with such a narrow view usually have people in them (if not the whole group) who are looking to find how you do not measure up to their standards. Interviews with/recommendations from your pastor? Detailed statements about how you live out your faith and are a good Christian and what your personal relationship with God and Christ are like? Yuck. First of all, I stand approved before God, and not men. Secondly, I'm saved by grace and not works. I don't like the emphasis being put on works (how often I go to church, how much I am involved in church activities, etc.) and I don't like being asked to list all my good works. That seems like bragging and like I'm doing good for the sake of being able to tell others how wonderful I am. I just don't see any biblical basis for the way this is being handled.

 

I would distance myself from this group immediately. You can do it politely. You don't have to give a reason, just say it isn't going to work for your family at this time. "I feel God is leading us in a different direction" is a line that drives me nuts. More often than not it seems to be an excuse not to do something and I doubt it has anything to do with God. However, in this situation it may be appropriate. Because I don't believe there is a biblical basis for how the group is being run and because I believe God's Word is His Will, I think I could honestly say that God (through examples and standards given in the Bible) is leading me in a different direction. And, no, most folks won't argue with that simple statement. I wouldn't elaborate on it as I have here, though;)

 

There really should not be any conflict if you want to start another group, especially if it is just a small group or one focused on different things. I don't see why it would cause your husband trouble at work, especially if you do not get involved in debate with these people over the way they're doing things. Sometimes I think it's important to speak up and confront people, but I don't think it would help anything in this situation. I doubt you would convince them of anything.

[brehon]

 

This group does not post their meeting times for board meetings and/or general meetings so that other members may attend.

 

This board saves private emails and will submit them without your knowledge as minutes to meetings that are not made public.

 

 

 

 

Didn't you say this group incorporated itself into a non-profit organization? These two items will get them into a huge (let me reiterate HUGE) amount of trouble with the IRS. You know, should the IRS somehow get wind of this. ;)

 

Like Beansprouts said, I won't allow anyone to intimidate (directly or indirectly) me or my family. I wouldn't rejoin this co-op at all. Period. Don't just limit your involvement...end your involvement. And, as has been mentioned, any retaliation on your dh's employer's part would be against federal law (although I doubt that a business man would commit such an act just to satisfy his sil). Good Luck with your decision (decide not to involve your family).

[H.S. Burrow]

You have given me much to think about today. I've always had trouble with joining groups because of the leaders that have the "jump through these hoops" mentality. I had a former friend/mom who actually admitted that she was looking only for followers for her co-op. If there was another mom that exhibited leadership skills or had different ideas' date=' she'd quietly force them out when it was time to plan another semester. She never could get me trained, or get me to join "her" co-op, so she dropped me;). Never have I been so glad to be excluded....[/quote']

 

You actually summed up my problem better than I did!:) This is exactly what is going on. This board will approach those that they "approve" and ask them to volunteer and then we're supposed to vote...on people that were hand-picked! They do force people out...there are many families that join only to have joined a Homeschool Association that NEVER attend anything - not even park day!

 

Thanks!

[H.S. Burrow]

Reply from a night owl (not by choice - I should post for sleeping advice)...

 

Sorry to hear of your difficulty with your local support group. An article that may help them see what they are doing is THE INNER RING by CS Lewis. Here is the link:

 

http://www.geocities.com/bigcslewisfan/

 

Here is a synopsis:

Lewis admonishes each of us of the dangers of inner rings - groups that make members, or members to be jump through hoops and rings to join. These groups are only interested in followers (CS Lewis infers that these groups mimic Satan's attempt to get people to follow his way).

 

The better way to approach rings is to view them as Aristotle did - friendships with common ideas/factors where people WANT to gravitate to you/your group. These groups help people become leaders (CS Lewis infers that these groups mimic Christ's living ministry on earth - collecting people that want to be a part of His work, and yet allowing them to progress/fulfill roles in current and future leadership positions themselves).

 

Inner rings are off the straight and narrow path that we are to try to follow in life. The beginning of the path is birth; the end of the path is death. What is before and after is up to personal beliefs. As we are on that straight path (think of a straight line to represent your life), we dip into side groups for learning, friendships and fun. If we can always see the path that we are to be on as we dip into these circles, we are in the right group. If however, we get caught into a ring/group, and view ourselves as elitist and mutually exclusive - we defeat the purpose of joining that ring/group.

 

Lewis wrote the article in an attempt to speak about Hitler's movement - much as Picasso painted Guirneca as an attempt to educate others of an evil, experimental event that happened in his native country, Spain. Hitler had inner rings - with himself at the center. If you could prove your loyalty to him and his movement - you would move a bit closer to the inner ring.

 

I honestly do not see a need for anyone to prove their loyalty to any one group or person for anything these days. Study up on Aristotle's views of friendship. You'll see the world in brighter light. Good luck!

 

 

This is awesome! And right on target! Thank you for all of this information....I truly appreciate it and will be sharing it with some like-minded local folks!

 

Thanks again!!:grouphug:

[H.S. Burrow]

Sounds like the board is a bunch of hypocritical control freaks.

 

I lead a co-op board. We have a statement of faith but we do not have families sign it. It is more so that anyone coming into the co-op knows where we stand (the leadership) but it doesn't necessarily have to be where they are at, KWIM? So when we do a Bible study during the mom's time the members are not shocked.

We do have a family code that everyone signs which is good so we all know what is considered acceptable vs. unacceptable behavior of the students.

I can't imagine trying to thwart another group from starting up. I have 12 families on a waiting list, pretty typical for this area, and I wish they would all just get together and start another group.

 

BTW, Remudamom, I've always wondered how to spell cojones!:lol:

 

This is the kind of group that I would like to have. A statement of faith and some type of family code of behavior/conduct just so everyone knows where the leadership stands on religion and how children (and parents!!) are expected to behave in the "classroom" environment.

[H.S. Burrow]

Not only do I not agree with those types of policies, it is my experience that groups with such a narrow view usually have people in them (if not the whole group) who are looking to find how you do not measure up to their standards. Interviews with/recommendations from your pastor? Detailed statements about how you live out your faith and are a good Christian and what your personal relationship with God and Christ are like? Yuck. First of all, I stand approved before God, and not men. Secondly, I'm saved by grace and not works. I don't like the emphasis being put on works (how often I go to church, how much I am involved in church activities, etc.) and I don't like being asked to list all my good works. That seems like bragging and like I'm doing good for the sake of being able to tell others how wonderful I am. I just don't see any biblical basis for the way this is being handled.

 

 

:iagree: Thank you.

 

[Laurie in CA]

Not only do I not agree with those types of policies, it is my experience that groups with such a narrow view usually have people in them (if not the whole group) who are looking to find how you do not measure up to their standards. Interviews with/recommendations from your pastor? Detailed statements about how you live out your faith and are a good Christian and what your personal relationship with God and Christ are like? Yuck. First of all, I stand approved before God, and not men. Secondly, I'm saved by grace and not works. I don't like the emphasis being put on works (how often I go to church, how much I am involved in church activities, etc.) and I don't like being asked to list all my good works. That seems like bragging and like I'm doing good for the sake of being able to tell others how wonderful I am. I just don't see any biblical basis for the way this is being handled.

 

I have been homeschooling for 20 years and this has been the pattern. Someone always has to be "in charge" and I marched along with the group for over 10 years. It was of no value. It's funny because I am on my last child and a whole new group of "young things" have taken the place of the Premarin crowd that I was involved with and think they can tell me how to homeschool. Give me a break! I say they need to "homeschool" their kids and quit running around trying to tell the rest of us what to do.

 

The advice on this thread is right on.

 

Laurie in CA

dd(14) TOG and some other stuff

[Laurie in CA]

Reply from a night owl (not by choice - I should post for sleeping advice)...

 

 

http://www.geocities.com/bigcslewisfan/

 

Here is a synopsis:

Lewis admonishes each of us of the dangers of inner rings - groups that make members, or members to be jump through hoops and rings to join. These groups are only interested in followers (CS Lewis infers that these groups mimic Satan's attempt to get people to follow his way).

 

The better way to approach rings is to view them as Aristotle did - friendships with common ideas/factors where people WANT to gravitate to you/your group. These groups help people become leaders (CS Lewis infers that these groups mimic Christ's living ministry on earth - collecting people that want to be a part of His work, and yet allowing them to progress/fulfill roles in current and future leadership positions themselves).

 

Inner rings are off the straight and narrow path that we are to try to follow in life. The beginning of the path is birth; the end of the path is death. What is before and after is up to personal beliefs. As we are on that straight path (think of a straight line to represent your life), we dip into side groups for learning, friendships and fun. If we can always see the path that we are to be on as we dip into these circles, we are in the right group. If however, we get caught into a ring/group, and view ourselves as elitist and mutually exclusive - we defeat the purpose of joining that ring/group.

 

Lewis wrote the article in an attempt to speak about Hitler's movement - much as Picasso painted Guirneca as an attempt to educate others of an evil, experimental event that happened in his native country, Spain. Hitler had inner rings - with himself at the center. If you could prove your loyalty to him and his movement - you would move a bit closer to the inner ring.

 

I honestly do not see a need for anyone to prove their loyalty to any one group or person for anything these days. Study up on Aristotle's views of friendship. You'll see the world in brighter light. Good luck!

 

I printed out the whole article and will read it later today. Can't wait.

 

Laurie in CA

dd(14) TOG and other stuff

[Mom2GirlsTX]

Danger, danger Will Robinson!

 

:iagree:

I would run fast and far!