Mil passed away yesterday....on dh's birthday!

[mykdsmomy]

So yesterday suck*d big monkey butts!! We got the call around 1pm from sil (the narcissistic one). She told us she thought mil was gone and to hurry down to say goodbye.

 

It was awful :(

 

Poor dh, although mil was narcissistic and treated us like carp most of the time, it was still his mom and it was hard to see her body so lifeless.

 

There was drama with sil but I won't go into it. The bottom line is that I was hoping to have closure once mil passed. I was hoping that FINALLY, dh and I could reclaim some things and spend some time in her house sort of "healing". I found a ton of pics that MIL took of my kiddos when they were babies....also pics from my baby shower with dd17. Those are pics I had NEVER seen before. Mil took tons of pics, would make two copies but then would keep both. I would ask for negatives, but she wouldn't give them to me.

 

I wanted to take all of those pics but SIL won't let me touch them until SHE goes through them. It's like she's taking over where mil left off....and she's NOT EVEN HER DAUGHTER (she's her dil like me).

 

One last thing. MIL's sisters have been there the last few months helping sil and bil care for mil. They think the sun rises and sets around sil because she moved in to care for her mil. They think we should have done the same thing. So now, they think that sil has the right to whatever she wants in mil's house because she has "been there" for mil.

 

The thing is, I've been in this family for 20 years. I was there when MIL had her breakdown and tried to kill herself. DH and I stayed with her and made sure she was taken care of.

DH and I moved in next door to her when she had cancer the first time so I could care for her and take her to her radiation treatments.

I would go over several times a week when she had a bad infection several years ago and needed medication pumped into her IV.

The list goes on and on.........and yet, none of that matters now. I just don't get it.

 

Anyway, thanks for listening....and I suppose when all is said and done, all that matters is that mil is at peace now.

[bkpan]

So yesterday suck*d big monkey butts!! We got the call around 1pm from sil (the narcissistic one). She told us she thought mil was gone and to hurry down to say goodbye.

 

It was awful :(

 

Poor dh, although mil was narcissistic and treated us like carp most of the time, it was still his mom and it was hard to see her body so lifeless.

 

There was drama with sil but I won't go into it. The bottom line is that I was hoping to have closure once mil passed. I was hoping that FINALLY, dh and I could reclaim some things and spend some time in her house sort of "healing". I found a ton of pics that MIL took of my kiddos when they were babies....also pics from my baby shower with dd17. Those are pics I had NEVER seen before. Mil took tons of pics, would make two copies but then would keep both. I would ask for negatives, but she wouldn't give them to me.

 

I wanted to take all of those pics but SIL won't let me touch them until SHE goes through them. It's like she's taking over where mil left off....and she's NOT EVEN HER DAUGHTER (she's her dil like me).

 

One last thing. MIL's sisters have been there the last few months helping sil and bil care for mil. They think the sun rises and sets around sil because she moved in to care for her mil. They think we should have done the same thing. So now, they think that sil has the right to whatever she wants in mil's house because she has "been there" for mil.

 

The thing is, I've been in this family for 20 years. I was there when MIL had her breakdown and tried to kill herself. DH and I stayed with her and made sure she was taken care of.

DH and I moved in next door to her when she had cancer the first time so I could care for her and take her to her radiation treatments.

I would go over several times a week when she had a bad infection several years ago and needed medication pumped into her IV.

The list goes on and on.........and yet, none of that matters now. I just don't get it.

 

Anyway, thanks for listening....and I suppose when all is said and done, all that matters is that mil is at peace now.

 

Oh.my.goodness.

 

Your mil just passed.

 

This is not about you. Or what you feel you are entitled to.

 

I am sure that I should not have posted, but oh. my. goodness.

 

Sorry for your dh loss.

[Wendi]

:grouphug:

 

I'm sorry for your loss. Losing a family member is so hard, and it breaks my heart to hear of family members having drama instead of just being there for each other. I'm sorry that's happening.

 

:grouphug:

 

Wendi

[Remudamom]

Well, I'm sorry for your loss too, but what gives your sil the right to determine who gets the pictures of your kids?

 

I would have taken them and not worried about her permission. That's not her decision to make.

[Moxie]

Oh.my.goodness.

 

Your mil just passed.

 

This is not about you. Or what you feel you are entitled to.

 

I am sure that I should not have posted, but oh. my. goodness.

 

Sorry for your dh loss.

 

She is venting. She is in a cr@ppy situation. Geez, let her vent.

 

OP, sorry about your loss. When my grandmother died, her daughters took everything, photos, everything. I know it isn't the most important part but it still stings.

[happi duck]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[MiniBlondes]

:grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry for your loss. I'm also sorry that there's such drama involved. I hope that the entire family can find peace somehow.

[Corraleno]

I'm so sorry. I have VERY similar issues with my inlaws, so I totally get it. :grouphug:

 

She is venting. She is in a cr@ppy situation. Geez, let her vent.

:iagree:

Jackie

[Mommy22alyns]

Oh, no, I am so sorry for your DH. :(

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry.

[gardening momma]

Well, I'm sorry for your loss too, but what gives your sil the right to determine who gets the pictures of your kids?

 

I would have taken them and not worried about her permission. That's not her decision to make.

:iagree:

In fact, take all the pictures of your kids, duplicates, negatives and all. Just say you're protecting their privacy.

[pdalley]

Oh.my.goodness.

 

Your mil just passed.

 

This is not about you. Or what you feel you are entitled to.

 

I am sure that I should not have posted, but oh. my. goodness.

 

Sorry for your dh loss.

 

Wow, she's venting. Let her.

 

Those are pictures of her kids and I don't blame her for wanting them.

 

I've lost my mother and my grandmother in the past year and thank God I didn't have to deal with things like she did - my brother and I are in full agreement on everything - but I fully expect something like this to happen when my narcissistic MIL passes.

 

:grouphug: OP, you've been through a lot. You did what you could do and you have the right to your feelings.

[Catwoman]

Well, I'm sorry for your loss too, but what gives your sil the right to determine who gets the pictures of your kids?

 

I would have taken them and not worried about her permission. That's not her decision to make.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

And I'm so sorry that your dh has to live with the fact that his mom died on his birthday. That's going to be rough. :(

[melmichigan]

:iagree:

 

And I'm so sorry that your dh has to live with the fact that his mom died on his birthday. That's going to be rough. :(

 

I am so sorry to hear that things aren't going to get any better with your MIL passing, like you said, she is at peace. I hope your DH can find some too despite the drama. :grouphug:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Well, I'm sorry for your loss too, but what gives your sil the right to determine who gets the pictures of your kids?

 

I would have taken them and not worried about her permission. That's not her decision to make.

 

:iagree:

Just go back and take the pictures. What is she going to do about it?

 

Sorry for your family's loss.:grouphug:

[KnitWit]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry!!

[Mandylubug]

:grouphug:

[mykdsmomy]

Thanks everyone. Dh walked out of the room at one point because he just didn't want to listen to sil.

 

The reason I can't take the pics is because sil wants to find them all (they are scattered throughout the house and now that they have moved in, I can't just go into mil's rooms looking for them because their stuff is there too)

 

I told sil I wanted to get the so we could scan them and also make a poster board with pics of mil and the kids for the funeral services. Sil told me she already had that idea :glare: and was planning on doing it but she'll "let me" do it if I want. So basically I'm now waiting for sil to release the pics.

 

dh's sister (nice sil) told me she'd help me get them if sil takes much longer.

 

It's all just lame. I realize it's not about me...it's just been a very long road with mil that I thought was going to come to an end but sil is picking up where mil left off and there doesn't seem to be that peace in sight that we were all hoping for once she passed. (hopefully that makes sense)

[Impish]

Well, I'm sorry for your loss too, but what gives your sil the right to determine who gets the pictures of your kids?

 

I would have taken them and not worried about her permission. That's not her decision to make.

:iagree::grouphug::grouphug:

[Mommyfaithe]

:grouphug:

Prayers for peace

[elfgivas]

:grouphug: i am so sorry :grouphug:

 

its sadly not unusual for things to get worse rather than better right after someone dies.

 

thinking about your dh and you and your kids.

 

maybe this year you can celebrate an "unbirthday" with your dh, or a half birthday in feb or ??

 

:grouphug:

ann

[PrincessMommy]

also praying for peace for you and your family. :grouphug:

[bettyandbob]

Well, that just stinks. It sounds like you need to just support your dh through the funeral and then back away from the family altogether. Or at least back away from the brother and sil.

 

From your last post, it sounded like your mil did not own her house. That's probably good. SIL sounds like she will be ugly for every last thing she can grab, so I would just expect nothing from the estate, including pics of your kids. Don't try to ask for anything or let anyone know that there's something of sentimental value. It's just not worth it.

 

SIL is not a saint. She moved in because she lost her home, not b/c she cared so much for MIL. With someone like that you need to just let it go. Doing anything else will extend your pain.

[RanchGirl]

Well, I'm sorry for your loss too, but what gives your sil the right to determine who gets the pictures of your kids?

 

I would have taken them and not worried about her permission. That's not her decision to make.

 

:iagree: Maybe one of the aunts can help you find them but it's not like you're taking jewelry on the sly here.

[mumto2]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am sorry. Believe me when I say I understand. I hope you all find peace eventually.

[Night Elf]

I'm sorry to hear that but I'm not surprised about your SIL. And this is just the beginning. They'll lay claim to everything they can and it sounds like they have the support of the family. If there is anything you truly want, you'll have to fight for it. Whatever you can let go, just let it go. I imagine the drama is going to be much more expensive than any "thing" you can lay claim to. :grouphug:

[celticmom]

Well, I'm sorry for your loss too, but what gives your sil the right to determine who gets the pictures of your kids?

 

I would have taken them and not worried about her permission. That's not her decision to make.

 

:iagree::grouphug:

[Catwoman]

I realize it's not about me...it's just been a very long road with mil that I thought was going to come to an end but sil is picking up where mil left off and there doesn't seem to be that peace in sight that we were all hoping for once she passed. (hopefully that makes sense)

 

FWIW, I never thought your original post sounded at all like you were trying to make it all about you. I just got the sense that you were incredibly frustrated and stressed. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: