Outinthegarden Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 Warning - this is long :D I just needed a safe place to vent and I've been reading/lurking here for several years but just officially signed in and started to post. Figured I couldn't lurk forever! :) My husbandâ€™s grandparents moved in with us from another state in the middle of June. Grandfather is 90, has no kidney function, been on dialysis for 2 years now and is starting to display dementia/Alzheimerâ€™s. (They say it comes with being on dialysis and your kidneys not working) The only reason the grandfather has not passed on and is on dialysis at this time is because when he fell ill, as in almost died, she LIED to him and told him that he would only have to be on dialysis for a few months and then we would be fine! :angry: The grandfather would have never agreed to what he has had to endure for the past two years! The Grandmother is 84 and has been in a wheelchair pretty much full time since April, and is in complete denial that her husband is sick and most likely going to die sooner than later.- hence the reason they moved from their home of 60 years - she can no longer take care of him and their house could not accommodate a wheelchair. Two of their neighbors were carring her in the wheelchair up and down 4 large steps when she had to go out! Prior to her not being able to walk much they were adamant that they would NEVER leave Oklahoma and their home. They have no family there - my husband is an only child of an only child. Which brings me to his mother who hates my guts and who hasn't seen or spoken to my husband and I in 7 years - or her own parents in 12 years. She has also moved here!! (her hating my guts is really an understatement - thanks to you ladies and a post made a week or so ago, I've learned that she is a Narcissus) This is the woman who told me the last time she saw me that if she could kill me and get away with it she would and that I should just wait, my kids will grow up to hate me for homeschooling them.:eek: My MIL has been here for about 10 days and in addition to the dialysis 3 days a week, ALL the doctorsâ€™ appointments, fixing food (anyone that knows about dialysis knows I am cooking constantly) making sure that the grandparents don't fall, trying to get the grandmother to bath more than once a week, doing laundry and attempting to start school I now have to deal with the MILâ€™s angry attitude towards me and her playing the victim/guilt trip on her son, ie he should be at her beck and call. Fortunately, my dh is wise to her, doesn't go for this anymore and just ignores her. She claims she came here so that she could see her parents before they die - REALLY!! When we notified her two years ago when he almost died her comment was: "I don't care what happens to those people" and she hung up on me! She has shirked her duty as far as I'm concerned. These are HER parents - they are just our Grandparents - she should be the one taking care of them. And she should have moved from Washington to Oklahoma 2 years ago when he almost died and was put on dialysis! She is single, retired and has nothing to do all day. I have four children, a husband who owns a business, and I homeschool. For the record, my husband and I think she is only here since at one time she was the beneficiary on their wills and she would get a very large sum of money. Unbeknownst to her, there is no longer any sum of money, except funeral money, thanks to medical expenses and I guess just life, and she is no longer listed on their wills at all! We are guessing that when this comes to light she will most likely take off to some other state never to be heard from again. We have had to give up: horseback riding lessons, fencing, debate, â€¦ and pretty much going ANY where or doing ANY thing as they can't be left alone. Couple that with the fact that they have to eat at X time for lunch and X time for dinner it just seems like I no longer own my life, and everything, including my childrenâ€™s lives revolves around the â€œgreat-grandparentsâ€. I have not displayed a bad attitude, so none of this would be evident to anyone, and really, I love them both dearly, this is just taking a toll on me and I'm sure sooner or later the novelty will wear off for the kids. Right now they love having their great grandparents here, however, over the weekend, questions started to come about when are we going to go back to fencing? Why aren't we preparing anything for debate? I've started to question myself, my oldest ds is in 8th grade - is this really fair for him or the other children to cut all of their activities? What if they are both living come next year when he is high school â€“ how will that play out? And then the questions of, what will we do with her (in a wheelchair) when he (her husband) dies? Does my husband move into â€œtheirâ€ section of the house because she canâ€™t be alone and canâ€™t take care of herself? She weighs 200 lbs or so, I can't lift her up and neither can the children. Do we put her into an assisted living â€“ which is why they moved here because they didnâ€™t want to go into assisted living? Will she (grandmother) take that entire bottle of valium that she is holding onto after he dies? If she does, what repercussions will that have on my family? She has stated after he dies she doesnâ€™t want to live and will do away with herself! Can I report any of this to her doctor? How would I explain that I know she has valium? What were we thinking when we moved them here?? Would it have been better to let them go into a home in Oklahoma? They have lived a full life â€“ what about my childrenâ€™s lives?:crying: I feel awful asking these questions to myself and I donâ€™t dare mention them to my husband â€“ who is absolutely wonderful and I could tell anything to â€“ but these are his grandparents and they practically raised him as his Mom left his dad when he was 5 and walked away from all family. When I add the MIL into the mix I feel like I need duct tape as my head is going to explode!:banghead: On Saturday I was told that I needed to schedule a pedicure for them as they need to have their nails trimmed etc. I felt like saying - are you kidding me!! I now have to take MY Saturday and sit for a few hours at a salon!! Iâ€™m sure that Iâ€™m just over reacting and being selfish â€“ but I just really needed a place to rant â€“ and you ladies are always so gracious! Thanks for letting me let out some steam. I really tried to keep it concise, as there is really a lot more to rant about at this time! You all are the best! I'm going to get a cup of coffee and try to :chillpill:! And if you read all of this - thank you again - you all are amazing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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