I balled out a couple of teenagers at Speech Therapy today

[cin]

Teenage boy, we'll call him John, brought little brother, Jim, to therapy today. Along with his girlfriend, Molly. They are 30 minutes early. Jim is about 9yrs old. And bored to death. John is busy teaching Molly this card game. Collectible cards of some sort that is centered around war(?). All he said to his little brother the whole time was Jim, don't do that. Jim, sit down. Stop it Jim. No, you can't...While playing his game with Molly.

 

I listened to this for about 30 minutes, and when John told Jim that he was going to tell mom about his behavior, I lost it. I was polite, but blunt. I asked him if he would also tell mom that he was ignoring Jim the whole time? uh, probably not. THen I asked him if HE would have been able to sit perfectly still and silent for a half hour when he was that age? Uh, probably not. And yet you expect him too??

 

Molly then spoke up and said, we're only 18, we're just watching him we're not his parents. I informed her that watching a child usually involves more than just helping him get in trouble. I then received the classic teen eye-roll. :D

[bookfiend]

Teenage boy, we'll call him John, brought little brother, Jim, to therapy today. Along with his girlfriend, Molly. They are 30 minutes early. Jim is about 9yrs old. And bored to death. John is busy teaching Molly this card game. Collectible cards of some sort that is centered around war(?). All he said to his little brother the whole time was Jim, don't do that. Jim, sit down. Stop it Jim. No, you can't...While playing his game with Molly.

 

I listened to this for about 30 minutes, and when John told Jim that he was going to tell mom about his behavior, I lost it. I was polite, but blunt. I asked him if he would also tell mom that he was ignoring Jim the whole time? uh, probably not. THen I asked him if HE would have been able to sit perfectly still and silent for a half hour when he was that age? Uh, probably not. And yet you expect him too??

 

Molly then spoke up and said, we're only 18, we're just watching him we're not his parents. I informed her that watching a child usually involves more than just helping him get in trouble. I then received the classic teen eye-roll. :D

 

So she doesn't consider herself an adult, capable of attending to someone half her age. This family needs more help than speech therapy.

[Kathryn]

So she doesn't consider herself an adult, capable of attending to someone half her age. This family needs more help than speech therapy.

 

:iagree:

[mommaduck]

So she doesn't consider herself an adult, capable of attending to someone half her age. This family needs more help than speech therapy.

:iagree: I was a nanny at eighteen. More than a few of my peers were married and/or parents at eighteen.

[Jean in Newcastle]

From what you described, I wouldn't have gotten involved. The 9 year old was not in danger. Even if the older one told on the younger to his mom, the 9 year old would probably have been able to explain his side of it to her.

[Unicorn.]

I would have told the girlfriend that they weren't watching him, and that was indeed the problem. When you babysit, it is your job to entertain and interact w/ the child, not ignore him!

[cin]

From what you described, I wouldn't have gotten involved. The 9 year old was not in danger. Even if the older one told on the younger to his mom, the 9 year old would probably have been able to explain his side of it to her.

 

I would agree with you if I had read about somebody else doing this. I always wonder why people don't mind their own business. I think I've just reached the age where I don't give a crap what anybody else thinks. :D I was also feeling REALLY bad for 9 yr old. Constantly being told that what he was doing was wrong. And when the older kid said that he was going to tell mom, I just sort of popped. I walked out of there somewhat surprised at myself, quite honestly.

 

And I think I just got tired of hearing 'Jimmyy don't do that'. It was getting to be like fingernails on a chalkboard.

[astrid]

Um, just a suggestion-- you might want to go back and edit your title to say, "I bawled out a couple of teenagers....." Since we're all so careful to fly under the radar of the unsavories, I'm just sayin'. The title made me go :blink::eek: momentarily.

 

astrid (sorry....)

[jewellsmommy]

Um, just a suggestion-- you might want to go back and edit your title to say, "I bawled out a couple of teenagers....." Since we're all so careful to fly under the radar of the unsavories, I'm just sayin'. The title made me go :blink::eek: momentarily.

 

astrid (sorry....)

 

 

I don't know, :tongue_smilie: I got an interesting mental image of one of those cartoon avalanches leading into a snowball rolling down a hill and picking up teens as it went along. It sure made me snicker. :lol:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would agree with you if I had read about somebody else doing this. I always wonder why people don't mind their own business. I think I've just reached the age where I don't give a crap what anybody else thinks. :D I was also feeling REALLY bad for 9 yr old. Constantly being told that what he was doing was wrong. And when the older kid said that he was going to tell mom, I just sort of popped. I walked out of there somewhat surprised at myself, quite honestly.

 

And I think I just got tired of hearing 'Jimmyy don't do that'. It was getting to be like fingernails on a chalkboard.

 

Yeah. I've been there. :grouphug:

[Audrey]

Um, just a suggestion-- you might want to go back and edit your title to say, "I bawled out a couple of teenagers....." Since we're all so careful to fly under the radar of the unsavories, I'm just sayin'. The title made me go :blink::eek: momentarily.

 

astrid (sorry....)

 

 

I was thinking melon baller, as in "she scooped 'em a new one."

[Samiam]

Hmm, kinda thinking you shoulda minded your own business. Yes, some people are nannies at 18. Some people are even parents at 18. A sibling is a bit different, they aren't always as kind and gracious as they should be. And since you don't know the WHOLE story (why was this 18 year bringing his brother to therapy anyhoo?), sitting for 30 minutes in an uncomfortable waiting room leaves you lacking in ALOT of information.

 

I don't see your behaviour being any better than theirs. You stated yourself you don't give a crap about what anyone thinks...kinda a stinky attitude. And then to post here? What's the point? Bragging? Proud of it? Eehh.

Edited August 1, 2012 by Samiam

[Tasia]

I think I would have left it alone. I expect my 8 and 9 year olds to sit quietly in waiting rooms (and we've waited way longer than 30 minutes at some appointments recently), so I don't think it was necessarily the brother's job to entertain him.

[LibraryLover]

I have tried to hide my shameful headers. This will never go away, unless the OP begs the mods for mercy. lol :)

 

It's possible that these kids are tired of watching the little one. It's possible they are not mature enough. Not thoughtful enough.

 

I am sure it wasn't nice to hear them nagging the boy, but the boy is not their child. It's also possible they are not paid and experienced nannies, and don't know all the cool stuff the rest of us know. I hope they will rethink their care of him.

Edited August 1, 2012 by LibraryLover

[LeslieAnneLevine]

I was thinking melon baller, as in "she scooped 'em a new one."

 

:lol: Ouch!

[LeslieAnneLevine]

OP, I get it. I said something to a man at a playground once because he was screaming at a little boy (not mine!) who had pulled his daughter's hair. I could have minded my own business, but I didn't that day and I don't regret it.

[BlsdMama]

Frankly I think a 9yo is plenty old enough to sit in an appointment waiting room with their hands in their laps, patiently, until called. The kid would have gotten the exact same treatment from me. Now, had he been five, then yes, a little entertainment is in order for thirty minutes-ish. But nine? Um, no. They are plenty old enough to look at a book or a magazine and be still. About two years past plenty old enough IMO.

[LibraryLover]

]Frankly I think a 9yo is plenty old enough to sit in an appointment waiting room with their hands in their laps' date=' patiently, until called.[/b'] The kid would have gotten the exact same treatment from me. Now, had he been five, then yes, a little entertainment is in order for thirty minutes-ish. But nine? Um, no. They are plenty old enough to look at a book or a magazine and be still. About two years past plenty old enough IMO.

 

 

Which is exactly why they are in therapy.

Edited August 1, 2012 by LibraryLover

[BlsdMama]

Which is exactly why they are in therapy.

Speech Therapy?

I didn't realize the inability to speak clearly came coupled with the inability to sit still as well. Did I miss something?

[LibraryLover]

Speech Therapy?

I didn't realize the inability to speak clearly came coupled with the inability to sit still as well. Did I miss something?

 

 

No. You are correct.

 

It may or may not be related to poverty/difficult lifestyle. I always try to think the best, but I admit I lost lost my head here, given the great angst of the OP. I'm sorry. Let's hope a competent parent will attend next time, so the OP doesn't have to worry abusive teen sitters.

Edited August 1, 2012 by LibraryLover

[LibraryLover]

Speech Therapy?

I didn't realize the inability to speak clearly came coupled with the inability to sit still as well. Did I miss something?

 

 

MAybe it does, maybe it doesn't. But someone should be with the child, helping him wait. There also shouldn't be too much of a wait.

Edited August 1, 2012 by LibraryLover

[LucyStoner]

Speech Therapy?

I didn't realize the inability to speak clearly came coupled with the inability to sit still as well. Did I miss something?

 

Well, my 9 year old speaks very well, great vocab and has great pronunciation and enunciation. Always has. He goes the speech therapy weekly for social and emotional speech issues. Things like practicing reading facial expressions and matching his expressions and body language to the conversation. He has autism. The sign on the door says "Speech and Language Therapy". Most of their patients are there for the same reason as my son. It helps him immensely. I would not assume that his peers at this place will all sit still and be quiet. Sometimes, sometimes not. Unless you know that child you really don't know what is realistic or not. Blanket age appropriate statements are irrelevant to strangers.

[annandatje]

Hmm, kinda thinking you shoulda minded your own business. Yes, some people are nannies at 18. Some people are even parents at 18. A sibling is a bit different, they aren't always as kind and gracious as they should be. And since you don't know the WHOLE story (why was this 18 year bringing his brother to therapy anyhoo?), sitting for 30 minutes in an uncomfortable waiting room leaves you lacking in ALOT of information.

 

I don't see your behaviour being any better than theirs. You stated yourself you don't give a crap about what anyone thinks...kinda a stinky attitude. And then to post here? What's the point? Bragging? Proud of it? Eehh.

 

:iagree: :iagree: I would not consider this situation complaint-worthy.

[LibraryLover]

Speech Therapy?

I didn't realize the inability to speak clearly came coupled with the inability to sit still as well. Did I miss something?

 

 

If the little one has issues waiting, I would think it would make sense for a person capable of caring for him --one on -one- until his session.

Edited August 1, 2012 by LibraryLover

[I.Dup.]

Hmm, kinda thinking you shoulda minded your own business. Yes, some people are nannies at 18. Some people are even parents at 18. A sibling is a bit different, they aren't always as kind and gracious as they should be. And since you don't know the WHOLE story (why was this 18 year bringing his brother to therapy anyhoo?), sitting for 30 minutes in an uncomfortable waiting room leaves you lacking in ALOT of information.

 

I don't see your behaviour being any better than theirs. You stated yourself you don't give a crap about what anyone thinks...kinda a stinky attitude. And then to post here? What's the point? Bragging? Proud of it? Eehh.

 

:iagree:

[cin]

Hmm, kinda thinking you shoulda minded your own business. Yes, some people are nannies at 18. Some people are even parents at 18. A sibling is a bit different, they aren't always as kind and gracious as they should be. And since you don't know the WHOLE story (why was this 18 year bringing his brother to therapy anyhoo?), sitting for 30 minutes in an uncomfortable waiting room leaves you lacking in ALOT of information.

 

I don't see your behaviour being any better than theirs. You stated yourself you don't give a crap about what anyone thinks...kinda a stinky attitude. And then to post here? What's the point? Bragging? Proud of it? Eehh.

 

No I'm no bragging or proud of it. I was just sharing an experience, like others on the board have done. I know I was lacking information, but I also know that the child was being completely ignored, except to be told he was misbehaving. I felt sorry for the poor kid. And I said MAYBE I'm getting to the age where I don't care. And I NEVER said or implied that I was better than anyone.

[Harriet Vane]

I have been thinking about this thread and have to say I agree with the OP.

 

It is rude to leave someone out, no matter what the age. I feel sorry for the little guy who is obviously not cool enough to his siblings to warrant common courtesy. If I went in the same car with people I know somewhere, and they spend the entire time ignoring me, it will feel icky and unpleasant. Yet for some reason it's okay to treat a child in that manner simply because they are young?

 

Why couldn't the card-playing teens play their game while the kid was in the session? Why is it okay for them to leave the kid out? Would it kill them to participate in something WITH him for thirty minutes of their life?

[lea1]

I think it is great that you said something. Good for you! Maybe part of the problem with society these days is that not enough people speak up anymore.

[Danestress]

I think I would have left it alone. I expect my 8 and 9 year olds to sit quietly in waiting rooms (and we've waited way longer than 30 minutes at some appointments recently), so I don't think it was necessarily the brother's job to entertain him.

 

I have raised three boys and any of them could have sat for 30 minutes. For all you know, they told him to bring a book and he didn't. Either way, I think ignoring kids for short periods of time (even if it's so you can read, chat with someone else, or play a game) is important. A lot of what is wrong with Americans, in my humble view, is the attitude that the entire world must revolve around kids this age and nothing much should be expected of them.

 

I know some kids have special situations and might find this more difficult. But really, strangers should, IMHO. mind their own business unless there is some kind of clear abuse occurring. You may well have been right that the older son was being kind of unfair to his brother and should have handled this differently, but I sure hope that every time someone thinks I should handle something differently with my kids, they don't decide to ball me out. I honestly think it's inappropriate.

[TammyS]

I honestly think it's inappropriate.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

 

Really, quite obnoxious. We can all have different opinions about whether or not the kid should have been entertained ( I have friends who would say yes; I would say definitely no - but neither of us would try to force our opinion on the other), but the OP had no right to force her opinion on that young man. It was beyond none of her business.

 

Ironic, considering that most of us homeschoolers are the first ones to say that others have no business telling us how to educate or otherwise raise our children.

 

And I'm willing to bet OP attacked (verbally) that boy because he was a boy and would not have done the same to a grown woman her own age.

[cin]

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

 

Really, quite obnoxious. We can all have different opinions about whether or not the kid should have been entertained ( I have friends who would say yes; I would say definitely no - but neither of us would try to force our opinion on the other), but the OP had no right to force her opinion on that young man. It was beyond none of her business.

 

Ironic, considering that most of us homeschoolers are the first ones to say that others have no business telling us how to educate or otherwise raise our children.

 

And I'm willing to bet OP attacked (verbally) that boy because he was a boy and would not have done the same to a grown woman her own age.

 

I did it because I didn't want the younger one getting in trouble for something that was clearly not his fault.

 

Goodness, I've seen other people post about very similar things and they didn't get such bold, in your face, you are wrong, you nosey old b**** responses. Next time I see a kid getting in trouble for something that is not his fault, or being ignored, I'll make sure to ignore it because it's clearly none of my business. Even if he's doing something dangerous. :glare:

 

And for the record I talked to the teens, I did NOT verbally attack them.

[*********]

Just a suggestion...

 

Perhaps it would have been better to engage Jimmy in something yourself? I don't know if your kids were with you or if they were in therapy, but either way. You could have asked him if he wanted to play cards/a game with you (if there were any available), or if he wanted to find something to watch on the tv (if there was one), etc.

 

Sometimes it's better to teach by example. And by helping the boy find something to occupy his time, that would possibly (if they had noticed) been a good example to the older brother and girlfriend.

 

It couldn't have been worse than a lecture from a stranger, which most 18 year olds just completely blow off, you know?

[zenjenn]

My 9 and 7 yr old can sit *alone* in a waiting room. For example, you know, I have to drag them to *my* doctor appointment, these days I will leave them in the waiting room looking at magazines while I go in to see the doctor. They always behave just fine (and I check with the receptionist just to be sure.)

 

Now, I know every kid is different, but I think being expected to sit still and not be disruptive for 30 minutes is normal expected behavior for a 9 yr old. Should he be entertained by an elder at a church service, wedding, graduation ceremony, car trip, or any other "boring" situation?

[Nakia]

My 9 and 7 yr old can sit *alone* in a waiting room. For example, you know, I have to drag them to *my* doctor appointment, these days I will leave them in the waiting room looking at magazines while I go in to see the doctor. They always behave just fine (and I check with the receptionist just to be sure.)

 

Now, I know every kid is different, but I think being expected to sit still and not be disruptive for 30 minutes is normal expected behavior for a 9 yr old. Should he be entertained by an elder at a church service, wedding, graduation ceremony, car trip, or any other "boring" situation?

 

Yeah, I agree. I won't leave my 6 year old in a waiting room with my older daughters because she's just too rowdy, but my other two have been sitting in the waiting room while I saw the doctor for a couple of years now. No problems.

 

Sometimes I bring a book to read or play around on my phone while we are in a waiting room. And there are times I tell Cora to "sit down," "stop it" and "knock it off" several times. I'd be pretty ticked if someone accused me of ignoring my child.

 

Of course none of us, other than cin were there, but it sounds to me like the older brother was doing an okay job. Maybe not perfect, but not worthy of being chewed (bawled) out.

[cin]

Ok, this will be my last post here. I would not expect my children, even though they are 8 & 11, and well behaved, to sit with NOTHING to do for 30 minutes. If we don't have anything with us, we'll play a game, take a walk, or something. There was no TV, there are a few toddler toys. The kid was BEGGING for attention. There were a few magazines, Women's Day, Parenting, Cooking Light, nothing that would interest a 9 yr old.

 

I said something because I didn't think it was fair for the kid to get in trouble for something that is clearly not his fault. I did suggest that they tell him something that he CAN do instead of just constantly telling him what he CANNOT do.

 

I, personally, would not be upset if someone admonished my oldest child for something like this. Especially if my youngest was threatened with getting in trouble.

 

Apparently, I chose the wrong word in the title. I didn't bawl them out. I quietly admonished them for ignoring the child, expecting him to sit silently and stare at a wall, (I am not kidding, the kid was instructed to sit down when he was walking in circles, to not tap his feet, not do ANYTHING) and then telling mom that he was misbehaving.

 

Obviously, I should not have interfered. According to you guys, I should not interfere for any reason, lest I be considered obnoxious, rude, etc. I certainly hope that if my oldest ever ignores her younger to this extent it's not you guys in the waiting room. I hope someone tells her to shape up and quit flirting. (FTR, I did NOT use those words, I was much kinder than any of you would believe).

[Tokyomarie]

Just a suggestion...

 

Perhaps it would have been better to engage Jimmy in something yourself? I don't know if your kids were with you or if they were in therapy, but either way. You could have asked him if he wanted to play cards/a game with you (if there were any available), or if he wanted to find something to watch on the tv (if there was one), etc.

 

Sometimes it's better to teach by example. And by helping the boy find something to occupy his time, that would possibly (if they had noticed) been a good example to the older brother and girlfriend.

 

It couldn't have been worse than a lecture from a stranger, which most 18 year olds just completely blow off, you know?

 

:iagree:

 

I have been through the stage of raising teenagers. I know how teens typically respond to unsolicited advice (often, adults respond to unsolicited advice in about the same way:tongue_smilie:). I have also been in the place of having a mid-elementary age child with learning differences who would likely have not behaved like a "perfect angel" with his hands folded in his lap for 30 straight minutes while he's being ignored by his older sibling and the sibling's girlfriend.

 

Leading by example and engaging the child in a way that is more likely to promote positive behavior than ignoring the child and subsequently chewing him out when he acts out, would be a far more loving way to intervene, if you choose to intervene. I am so thankful for those loving women who engaged my children in such a way when I was a young mom. Their patient, loving actions spoke volumes to me.

[extendedforecast]

Sorry OP, but I think you overstepped the line. Next time engage the kid yourself or just MYOB.

[cindergretta]

Hmmm....

 

My ds18 will be taking my ds9 to OT this afternoon. (Ds9 has autism.) I can't see this situation even arising with my sons. Ds9 will most likely sit next to ds18 and stare off into space, look out the window, move around in his seat, etc. Ds18 will likely play a game on his phone.

 

If some random adult took it upon themselves to reproach my older son for his lack of attention to my younger son, I would have multiple issues with it. I would be irritated that someone butted into a non-abusive, non-threatening situation. I would be annoyed that my older son was ignoring my younger son. I would be annoyed that my younger son couldn't sit patiently (reading a book or magazine) for the wait. IMO, there is plenty of "blame" to go around. But I would be most annoyed at the stranger for interfering into a situation in which they had extremely limited information.

 

In my house, all I hear ALL day long is "I'm telling and you are going to get in TROUBLE!!" And no one ever "tells" and no one could even tell you what "get into trouble" means. How does that look? What happens when one gets into trouble? It doesn't happen, it is an empty threat that means nothing.

 

My older children also have a great deal of patience with their younger siblings. They help them out a lot and do a lot with them and for them. But like *me,* their patience has limits and they get annoyed with the constant badgering that can be younger kids - can I have, will you get, will you play, can I go.... And the non-stop story telling! Oy! :tongue_smilie: IOW, these two teens could have already spent several hours with a 9 year old with NOTHING better to do than drive them bonkers, during the walk/drive to the clinic, over lunch, all morning long, who knows?

 

(I admit freely that I am taking this personally given my two sons' ages and that my older will be at an appt with my younger and it really bothers me to think that my older son, an extremely awesome young man, could be verbally reprimanded by a stranger. :( )

[ChocolateReignRemix]

Ok, this will be my last post here. I would not expect my children, even though they are 8 & 11, and well behaved, to sit with NOTHING to do for 30 minutes. If we don't have anything with us, we'll play a game, take a walk, or something. There was no TV, there are a few toddler toys. The kid was BEGGING for attention. There were a few magazines, Women's Day, Parenting, Cooking Light, nothing that would interest a 9 yr old.

 

I said something because I didn't think it was fair for the kid to get in trouble for something that is clearly not his fault. I did suggest that they tell him something that he CAN do instead of just constantly telling him what he CANNOT do.

 

I, personally, would not be upset if someone admonished my oldest child for something like this. Especially if my youngest was threatened with getting in trouble.

 

Apparently, I chose the wrong word in the title. I didn't bawl them out. I quietly admonished them for ignoring the child, expecting him to sit silently and stare at a wall, (I am not kidding, the kid was instructed to sit down when he was walking in circles, to not tap his feet, not do ANYTHING) and then telling mom that he was misbehaving.

 

Obviously, I should not have interfered. According to you guys, I should not interfere for any reason, lest I be considered obnoxious, rude, etc. I certainly hope that if my oldest ever ignores her younger to this extent it's not you guys in the waiting room. I hope someone tells her to shape up and quit flirting. (FTR, I did NOT use those words, I was much kinder than any of you would believe).

 

1.) *YOU* posted you bawled them out, so what did you expect people to think? There is a huge difference between a "quiet admonishment" and chewing the teens out.

2.) In the end, what do you think you accomplished?

[TammyS]

According to you guys, I should not interfere for any reason,

 

There are reasons you should interfere:

 

the young child is in danger

 

the young child is being screamed/sworn at

 

the young child is being struck

 

Otherwise, it is rude and obnoxious to interfere with other people's business. Part of the reason that we are able to have such a free society is that people are taught from the time they are small to mind their own business (unless their parents are FAIL). Otherwise, we'll all be policed by each other all of the time over mere disagreements in how one should proceed with various things. Can you just *imagine* what that world would look like? Personally, I wouldn't care if you bawled him out or whispered in his ear. Not-your-business. If it were my 18y/o and he came home to report this back to me, I would give him my full blessing to tell you where you could go. If it were my less than 18y/o, I'd come to let you know myself. Because I am still willing to bet that you wouldn't do this to a grown woman in the same situation.

 

If we all "admonish" those in public who display parenting with which we disagree, we'd be busy "admonishing" people all the time. Could you imagine ever going to the grocery store again!?:lol:

[thefragile7393]

I did it because I didn't want the younger one getting in trouble for something that was clearly not his fault.

 

Goodness, I've seen other people post about very similar things and they didn't get such bold, in your face, you are wrong, you nosey old b**** responses. Next time I see a kid getting in trouble for something that is not his fault, or being ignored, I'll make sure to ignore it because it's clearly none of my business. Even if he's doing something dangerous. :glare:

 

And for the record I talked to the teens, I did NOT verbally attack them.

I am in the minority but I don't see anything wrong. 18 year olds weren't the best babysitters. If he is in speech therapy perhaps he has other issues going on as well that make it hard to sit still. At 32 I have a problem sitting still for long periods of time. Engage the little guy maybe? Not a bad idea, but it didn't occur to you at the time. I don't see anything wrong and I'm not one to speak up either to every little thing. It does not sound like you "Bawled out" anyone but I wasn't there. Was it a big deal? In the long run maybe not. Maybe it was a mistake. I've had snappy moments with strangers as well