Is Facebook making us lonely - article

[Bluegoat]

It's possibly ironic to post this on an internet board, but I found it interesting:

 

Is Facebook making us lonely?

[Halcyon]

Thats one reason, among many, that i deleted my account a few months ago. Facebook made me feel estranged.

 

Eta: and i highly recommend the Turkle book mentioned in the article. It's what prompted me to shut down my account.

Edited May 13, 2012 by Halcyon

[Azalea]

Thank you for posting this interesting article. Azalea

[LibraryLover]

It's not making me lonely because I don't have a Facebook account. LOL

 

 

LOL And i was going to Friend you!

Edited May 13, 2012 by LibraryLover

[KungFuPanda]

Do I get an award for reading the whole thing? :D

 

I think I've become a bit of a Facebook apologist. I think it just puts in print what people would say in person, we're just not accustomed to seeing all of those opinions at once. If someone whines about something over tea, you dontthink about it too much. If 5 people on your newsfeed complain about 5 different things at once, I get where you would 'see' an epidemic.

 

I like it. It's made my world bigger, not smaller and certainly not more shallow. Just this week I was able to hire a friend's son, who is in art school, to film a dance festival and produce the DVDs. It was easy through facebook. I HAVE email and a phone, but this was the easiest option for me and it leads to a real-life event.

 

I also participated on a world flash mob this weekend. I found out about the event through a friend's FB link. I registered at the event's website and learned the choreography from a private YouTube link. I joined the Facebook group for the local dancers. Group rehearsals were coordinated here. Over the last few weeks I've met some great ladies who live near me. I've been to their homes, shared meals, met their families, danced, and raised some money for a local women's shelter. We have plans to do events together in the near future. It was so much fun. A group of women in Canada organized this for the WORLD, and because of facebook I danced at the Baltimore Inner Harbor today with old and new friends. All because of Facebook chatter! .

[Rosy]

I agree with KFP. I feel that I am more connected, that my relationships are richer and more substantial because of FB. I am in daily contact with people that I would otherwise only see occasionally (if that), including relatives, high school friends, moms in my co-op, friends from church. It makes communication, planning, organization easier for ministries with which I am involved. I get advice and receive encouragement when I need it.

 

Were it not for FB I would be alone with my kids in my home most of the time. I love my kids dearly, but they do not meet my social needs. We don't have the time to join social groups, so for me FB has been a way to connect with people and still put my family first.

 

However, I do think there's a difference between using FB to enhance existing relationships and using it to be in contact with people with whom there is no real relationship. If ones only relationships were computer-based, or if people were using internet friendships to replace real ones, I can see how that would increase loneliness. The article referenced a lonely actress who was seemingly only connected to people via internet...but most people I know do not use FB that way.

 

Social networking websites are a tool that can be used positively or negatively, just like anything else.

[LibraryLover]

I am a total FB apologist. I keep thinking I will stop posting on the FB threads here, but I never have. :tongue_smilie:

[KungFuPanda]

I am a total FB apologist. I keep thinking I will stop posting on the FB threads here, but I never have. :tongue_smilie:

 

"like"

[DianeW88]

I agree with KFP. I feel that I am more connected, that my relationships are richer and more substantial because of FB. I am in daily contact with people that I would otherwise only see occasionally (if that), including relatives, high school friends, moms in my co-op, friends from church. It makes communication, planning, organization easier for ministries with which I am involved. I get advice and receive encouragement when I need it.

 

Were it not for FB I would be alone with my kids in my home most of the time. I love my kids dearly, but they do not meet my social needs. We don't have the time to join social groups, so for me FB has been a way to connect with people and still put my family first.

 

However, I do think there's a difference between using FB to enhance existing relationships and using it to be in contact with people with whom there is no real relationship. If ones only relationships were computer-based, or if people were using internet friendships to replace real ones, I can see how that would increase loneliness. The article referenced a lonely actress who was seemingly only connected to people via internet...but most people I know do not use FB that way.

 

Social networking websites are a tool that can be used positively or negatively, just like anything else.

 

:iagree: I love FB!! I live more than 2,000 miles away from where I grew up, and FB allows me to keep up with my friends and families lives. We have so much fun chatting together. I love seeing photos of their kids, their homes, their vacations and everything they're doing. I love being able to wish someone well, pray for them, or send a word of comfort if necessary. I treasure all the happy messages they leave for me and I was completely overwhelmed with the sheer amount of birthday messages I got last year. Everyone was so sweet, and I loved reading their memories of birthdays we'd shared together in times past.

 

For my neighbors and friends who are in my life on a daily basis, it's also fun. I love seeing messages like "Neighborhood girl's lunch at Zupa's at 12:30! Everyone be there!" Or today's message: "We're meeting to walk at 8 AM by the first cul-de-sac! Get in your day's exercise and chat, too!"

 

I couldn't live without FB. I love it!

[milovany]

"like"

 

:lol:

 

I'm a FB apologist, too, because (as I say over and over), I make it work for me. I have NO friends there. I'm not using it to chatter or keep up on the chatter of friends. I use it to connect with people solely via groups and private messaging; and the main groups I am involved with are local. So I'm actually meeting more local people than I was before. It's so fun to be at an event in town (esp. one that was advertised/noted on one of these groups) and recognize/be recognized by people. I've gotten to know some people I wouldn't have gotten to know otherwise. Favors have come out of it, giving, receiving, etc.

 

I started the Homeschool Used Curriculum Swap page a few weeks back, too, because I've seen so much success with buying/selling on FB. It's going great! It's so much easier to post my for sale list with photos in albums on Facebook than anything I've tried when it comes to selling. I've sold more than $100 in books this last week.

 

That said, I could spend less time on FB and the computer overall, and that's coming, slowly but surely. I do spend less wasted time there than I used to. At least now when I'm there, I'm accomplishing something a little more productive.

[Hannah]

However, I do think there's a difference between using FB to enhance existing relationships and using it to be in contact with people with whom there is no real relationship.

 

My siblings and I live on four continents, so FB is the way we all connect and share a bit of our lives.

[Rosie_0801]

I like it to keep tabs on people who are willing to be Facebook friends, though we have no desire to be "proper" friends. They are still people I care about and wish well.

 

Rosie

[Ibbygirl]

I use it to chat with Rosie. I love talking with her in real time versus PM's. :)

[atara]

I use facebook for my news feeds since so many of my interests use facebook.

 

I don't use it to keep up with friends and family.

[Jane in NC]

There are several reasons that I have never had a Facebook account. One is that I spend enough time here on the WTM boards! :lol: In light of that, I found the comments of the loneliness expert from the University of Chicago to be interesting:

 

To Cacioppo, Internet communication allows only ersatz intimacy. “Forming connections with pets or online friends or even God is a noble attempt by an obligatorily gregarious creature to satisfy a compelling need,†he writes. “But surrogates can never make up completely for the absence of the real thing.†The “real thing†being actual people, in the flesh. When I speak to Cacioppo, he is refreshingly clear on what he sees as Facebook’s effect on society. Yes, he allows, some research has suggested that the greater the number of Facebook friends a person has, the less lonely she is. But he argues that the impression this creates can be misleading. “For the most part,†he says, “people are bringing their old friends, and feelings of loneliness or connectedness, to Facebook.†The idea that a Web site could deliver a more friendly, interconnected world is bogus. The depth of one’s social network outside Facebook is what determines the depth of one’s social network within Facebook, not the other way around. Using social media doesn’t create new social networks; it just transfers established networks from one platform to another. For the most part, Facebook doesn’t destroy friendships—but it doesn’t create them, either.

 

Perhaps the irony here comes from replacing the word "Facebook" with "TWTM forum", i.e. "the boards". I have made friendships through this site, friendships that have gone from the virtual to the real world.

 

I found the comments on the professional "carers" (i.e. the number of assorted counselors and therapists) to be interesting. We see the need regularly here--people do not have a real world friend in whom they can confide and then say far more than should be said in a public space. Everyone needs a confidante.

 

Being happy all the time, pretending to be happy, actually attempting to be happy—it’s exhausting.

 

The more you try to be happy, the less happy you are. Sophocles made roughly the same point.

 

Is that really the demand of the Facebook world? Displaying how happy we are all? I was under the impression from this site that Facebook is the place to cultivate phony outrage. You know, pass along emotional "news" stories that rile people and turn attention from the real news.

 

Did anyone feel compel to "friend" the author of the article? ;)

[Lady Florida.]

Do I get an award for reading the whole thing? :D

 

I think I've become a bit of a Facebook apologist.

 

I read the whole thing too. Count me among the Facebook apologists.

 

Buried in the middle of that very long article was the following:

 

Still, Burke’s research does not support the assertion that Facebook creates loneliness. The people who experience loneliness on Facebook are lonely away from Facebook, too, she points out; on Facebook, as everywhere else, correlation is not causation.

[kewb]

I read the whole article. It was interesting. However, facebook is not making us lonely. Or at least, it is not causing me to feel lonely. It is a tool. I use it to keep updated on friends. I play a game or two. Then I go do something else. My facebook friends are my friends. I delete people who are not. If there is a political reason not to delete someone-they are a member of a circle of friends irl-then I hide them from my newsfeed.

 

If someone suffers from loneliness of depression in real life I can see how a phoney internet relationship would make those feeling worse.

 

For me, I control facebook. It does not control me.

[emubird]

I am so much more connected with my neighbors because of facebook. I know much more of what's going on at church. I have a bit more contact with faraway relatives because of it.

 

Really, I think facebook can be a social game changer for the better. (Not that I like the company very much, but that's another story.) My neighbors actually talk to me because they have a bit of information now to start a conversation with.

 

I suspect most people writing articles about how awful facebook is don't have a clue how it's being used. This article purports to present research, but it doesn't appear to really support the idea that facebook is an evil. It seems to me that social media is just a convenient thing to bash -- it sells articles.

 

I'll bet the same things were being said about phones when they first came into use.

 

Maybe people are afraid of getting on facebook and seeing how few friends they really have? Because there is a danger, if one is susceptible, to start counting friends by the numbers. How many do you have? How many people reply to your posts? How many does everyone else have? How many replies do they get? It was pretty obvious, once I got on facebook, that I was not one of the popular girls. But I'd never had that misconception, so there was no rude awakening for me that put me off facebook.

 

It seems there was some research around somewhere that found that no one is as popular as they think the popular people are. I forget where I saw that. (This went beyond facebook popularity, as I recall)

 

 

 

I just remembered, too, that I have several "friends" on facebook that I don't know, that I never intended to friend. Facebook has its glitches sometimes. These things happen. But I don't unfriend them. I always figure we might be friends in the future. My general rule of thumb on any type of internet media is to never post anything I don't want the entire world to know, so it doesn't bother me at all to have people I don't know as friends. I've only ever hid one person on my newsfeed and that was only because he was playing SO MANY games that I was getting notifications for that nothing else ever showed up.

Edited May 13, 2012 by emubird

[elegantlion]

"like"

 

:D

 

Didn't read the whole thing. Facebook does not define me, WTM boards do not define me. It's a tool, just like most things in life. Both this board and facebook have connected me with people. I have people that if I stopped posting for a period of time would call me, like on an actual phone, to check on me. They don't live close, but their friendship developed because of message boards and social media.

 

Through facebook I've been able to connect with an old friends from high school, one I wanted to find. He's half a world away, but through facebook messages we have confirmed that the "good ol' days" were in fact good memories for both. It was validating.

 

I've been able to virtually travel with several people as they have went places I will probably never see. I don't have to wait until I see them to see their photos, some of which I never would. I enjoy seeing my friends smile when they do things like get an autograph from David Tennant, or take pictures of Stonehenge.

 

I'm not really a huge fan of facebook or google +, they're just part of the tools I use to keep in touch.

[JFSinIL]

As an introvert, I find FB, along with these boards and some blogs I read daily, to provide ample social interaction on a daily basis. OK - a few words exchanged with the check-out clerk at the grocery store also counts, right ;-)

[elegantlion]

As an introvert, I find FB, along with these boards and some blogs I read daily, to provide ample social interaction on a daily basis. OK - a few words exchanged with the check-out clerk at the grocery store also counts, right ;-)

 

:lol: I used to have cashier I adored. She would card me when I bought wine coolers just to make me feel good. I'm obviously over 21 and so was she, but she always made a big deal of it. It was funny.

[sparrow]

I read the whole thing too. Count me among the Facebook apologists.

 

Buried in the middle of that very long article was the following:

 

Still, Burke’s research does not support the assertion that Facebook creates loneliness. The people who experience loneliness on Facebook are lonely away from Facebook, too, she points out; on Facebook, as everywhere else, correlation is not causation.

 

Count me as another that did not make it through the article :001_smile:. The quote above succinctly captures my thoughts regarding FB. It extends to dissatisfaction in other areas of life, too. If you are envious of your neighbor's vacation pictures in Italy or your cousin's kitchen re-model, FB is perhaps not the best place for you to spend your time.

 

I enjoy FB quite a bit. I love seeing where my friends and relatives are going and what their kids are doing. I have a young cousin that is an exchange student in Hungary and it has been so fun to see her pictures this year. I don't post a ton, but I've *always* been one that preferred to observe, rather than draw attention to myself.

 

FB is a wonderful tool for those of us that detest the phone. I have planned so many get-togethers on FB! So, yeah, FB is not making me lonely :001_smile:.

[Rosie_0801]

I use it to chat with Rosie. I love talking with her in real time versus PM's. :)

 

:D

[LisaKinVA]

I bounced around through many schools, several churches, and have felt very disconnected most of my life.

 

Facebook has made me feel more connected than I have in a long, long time.

[TheApprentice]

It's not making me lonely because I don't have a Facebook account. LOL

 

:iagree:

[EmilyK]

In general, I love Facebook and it has helped me stay in touch with my friends and family who are far flung. I've never had the negative experiences many have had. People I am friends with use it to post pictures of family events and the like -- totally harmless stuff.

 

That said, I clicked on this thread because I had a "making me lonelier" experience today. I'm having a rough time lately -- my dad's dying, I'm busy at work, I'm desperately trying to declutter the house before houseguests arrive. I didn't really "line up" mother's day fun for myself as a result and my family sort of forgot. I was feeling bored and a bit lonely, and got on FB. Started feeling even worse as friends posted about what their kids did for them and the like.

 

Then I got offline and had a reality check. I'm still down, but I need to put my problems in perspective. My next door neighbor is 50 and her husband just died and she's not sure she can keep her house. My son who left me alone to play at another kid's house -- well, that kid's mom died 6 months ago and it is his first day without a mom. So overall I need to buck up.

 

So basically I don't think it makes me lonely, but I do think it's like holiday letter reading -- generally the people going through tough times won't post, and it gives an unnatural sense of how happy everyone else is.

[PrairieSong]

Count me in as one who enjoys Facebook. It is what you make of it. I love keeping in closer contact with my family and friends who live far away and those who live nearby. I love seeing their photos and hearing about what they're doing. I love seeing pictures of my nieces' young children who live in another state. It's a tool, and can be beneficial if you make it work for you.

[momma2three]

My sister got married yesterday, and I couldn't attend.

 

Thanks to Facebook, I could see photos of the event as it was happening. Well, I guess thanks to Facebook and smart-phones :)

 

This article seems like silly bias-confirmation for people who already don't like Facebook. Especially since it says int he article that the data doesn't actually say what the article's headline says.

 

If you don't like Facebook, no one is forcing you to have an account. But saying that it's making other people's lives worse is kind of offensive for those of us who like it. I live 3,000 miles from my closest relative, and have friends scattered all over the world. Facebook allows me to keep up with friends and family.

[LucyStoner]

I don't consider myself lonely or disconnected. Not before FB and not after. I am not a heavy user, but for many people FB has replaced the phone and email as a way to set up social events. I find I get a faster response for many people if I send a message via FB than if I call or email.

 

Without Facebook I would not know my adult cousins or their kids if we collided on the street. If used to increase contact between people spread out geographically, it has a big positive impact. Because of interacting with my extended family on FB, we have hosted relatives that might otherwise have never visited. We also have set up get togethers that we never used to before.

 

Also, people who go out of their way to see people in person are people who use FB to that ends. Most of the time if someone is coming over for dinner, it started because we messaged on FB. People who do not make invites and go out of their way to have an active social life are not that way because of facebook.

[Mommyof4ks]

I agree with those who say FB is making me feel more connected. There are people that I only see at church or a few times a year, but I can keep up with what is going on through FB. When I see someone I can say something like, "congrats on your son making state" or "how was your vacation" when I may not know that they were up to those things since I did not see those friends in the last two or three weeks. I am not a big phone person, so FB is great. I have no drama among my friends, and I am fine with not being invited to things that people post about, so FB is a positive for me, but I know people who have a hard time with it.

[Bluegoat]

It's been interesting to see everyone's thoughts.

 

I use Facebook for a few different things and find it useful. For me, the question of lonliness and use of these kinds of media is really about a bigger picture. People are pretty isolated today, not because of the internet, but for a lot of other reasons. Many people live far away from the communities they grew up in and any family contacts is one.

 

But one of the biggest is probably the way our communities are built. Communities are not built in a way that facilitates people forming real, vital communities where they see the same people daily going about their business. And that is really the way we make connections with people - seeing them in public places, regularly, as we go about our business. And that is also true I think with closer friendships - we are so busy that even those wither because we can't find the time or energy to make the arrangements we need to get together as a special meet-up.

 

THen when you add in television and internet and whatever, you make it even easier for people to stay at home instead of sitting out on the step, joining a club, or whatever. Families become even more self-sufficient and more cut off from their neighbourhood.

 

A couple people mentioned that Facebook and similar things can be used to bring people locally together, and to create real non-local relationships as well. I think that is true, but I still have concerns about it. These kinds of interactions tend to bring together people who have something already in common - like homeschooling for example. They can tend to immerse one in a kind of sub-culture it is possible to get lost in. And I think that just the time spent can get in the way of time spent on other things.

 

I think that all technology that allows us to become more independent of other people and families is something we have to think about carefully. It isn't at all clear to me that the car, for example, has been a great thing. It is a real factor in the rather questionable design of neighbourhoods and suburbs. And I think it has also had a lot to do with the destruction of rural communities as well.

[J-rap]

But one of the biggest is probably the way our communities are built. Communities are not built in a way that facilitates people forming real, vital communities where they see the same people daily going about their business.

 

I don't have Facebook, but of course this board would work in the same way. I personally don't believe that Facebook (or boards) create loneliness. I think the same people who are lonely online are lonely IRL.

 

I think the biggest reason for loneliness is the above. Communities today are built in such a way that people can fall between the cracks far too easily, and are far less likely to feel a part of a bigger group.

[elegantlion]

I think that all technology that allows us to become more independent of other people and families is something we have to think about carefully. It isn't at all clear to me that the car, for example, has been a great thing. It is a real factor in the rather questionable design of neighbourhoods and suburbs. And I think it has also had a lot to do with the destruction of rural communities as well.

 

I live in a rural town. I didn't grow up in one, I grew up in the suburbs. Before the Internet I would have never imagined liking a small town. I need access to things and people and stuff. Technology has really made living in a smaller town a good thing for us. I can walk to the library, but I can also get online and check their shelves before I walk the three blocks. :lol: No, really I can go to my library and check out books or log onto Amazon and order what they don't carry. I am less restless about life. I can accept the small town for the charm and quaintness that it offers, but not be bound by its limits for social, entertainment, or business interaction.

 

If anything I think technology will enhance rural communities because it doesn't feel so isolated.

[3Blessings]

I agree with PPs- it isn't FB alone that creates a false sense of community. It isn't email alone, this forum alone, or any other form of technology alone.

 

Instead, I wonder if it is the continual replacement of time and effort towards REAL people. Instead of walking down to our neighbor to chat, we sit in our home and send one-liners on our FB account. We FEEL that we know the people on FB, but we only know a small (shallow, I believe the article said) part of them.

 

Like most everything in life: FB can enhance community (like connecting families that are physically apart) or destroy community (like the example above). I think we are meant to live in community- for good or for bad. I think we all have a longing to belong to something and that is why FB has become so popular. Authentic community, however, needs to be more than FB (or email, etc) alone.

[Bluegoat]

I live in a rural town. I didn't grow up in one, I grew up in the suburbs. Before the Internet I would have never imagined liking a small town. I need access to things and people and stuff. Technology has really made living in a smaller town a good thing for us. I can walk to the library, but I can also get online and check their shelves before I walk the three blocks. :lol: No, really I can go to my library and check out books or log onto Amazon and order what they don't carry. I am less restless about life. I can accept the small town for the charm and quaintness that it offers, but not be bound by its limits for social, entertainment, or business interaction.

 

If anything I think technology will enhance rural communities because it doesn't feel so isolated.

 

 

I grew up both rural and urban - in a real agricultural district and a small city. I've lived in both, as well as small towns, as an adult as well. In some ways small towns may be the most unchanged.

 

I think the car has actually destroyed a lot of rural communities. If you talk with older people, many of those communities were, in the past, largely self-sufficient. They usually had some sort of community store, people got together for parties, farm-work and dances, there were local churches and local schools. And they were pretty full of people most of whom worked in the community.

 

That is totally different today. Most people shop and many work in nearby towns. People go into town for recreation. Often stores are no longer able to make a go of it in the rural area and close, and the same with bank branches, schools, and other local businesses, doctors. Even postal delivery. As more of their lives are in towns, or their kids take longer and longer bus rides, or gas gets more expensive, many people just move into the towns. It isn't viable any longer for bookmobiles or other services to travel out to these few people left.

 

I agree that good internet access can be a boon to those left in rural areas, but I think the bigger question is why those communities are struggling in the first place. There was some hope when the internet was still new that a lot of people would be able to move back to rural communities and work from home. While a few people have done just that, overall it hasn't helped as much as people had hoped it might.

[Bluegoat]

I agree with PPs- it isn't FB alone that creates a false sense of community. It isn't email alone, this forum alone, or any other form of technology alone.

 

Instead, I wonder if it is the continual replacement of time and effort towards REAL people. Instead of walking down to our neighbor to chat, we sit in our home and send one-liners on our FB account. We FEEL that we know the people on FB, but we only know a small (shallow, I believe the article said) part of them.

 

Like most everything in life: FB can enhance community (like connecting families that are physically apart) or destroy community (like the example above). I think we are meant to live in community- for good or for bad. I think we all have a longing to belong to something and that is why FB has become so popular. Authentic community, however, needs to be more than FB (or email, etc) alone.

 

Yeah, this is my feeling about it too.

[T'smom]

I didn't make it through the article. But, my personal experience is that it makes IRL connecting easier. You have a bit of information to start a conversation with. It was really evident when I attended a Christmas function for dh's family last year. I was able to have real conversations with them- instead of "hey, how are you? Good, good. Kids are good. Job is good. Great....." Instead, I could ask about books that they had posted about, races that had participated in, projects from pinterest they've done, etc. Now, I am an introvert and maybe this conversation stuff comes much easier to other people- but I'm really glad to have that.

 

I don't have a link to the article, but someone that I admire greatly mentioned in a bible study the other day that facebook increases one's self-esteem because you have so much control of what you present to the world. You can only show the parts you want shown.