Parents of special needs kids: have you medicated yourself?

[Kathryn]

I have a physical appointment today and I'm thinking about asking medication for myself. I don't think I'm depressed. I think I'd call it more anxiety, but I don't like the person I've become because of how on edge I am now. ODS is autistic. I don't get breaks and nothing in our current lifestyle will change that anytime soon. I feel like a failure, but I don't like how short-tempered and angry I've become.

[Twinmom]

In a word, yes! Get the help you need and don't worry a bit about it. Having special needs kids is stressful. Take care of yourself in whatever way you need to...if Momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy! ;)

 

 

:grouphug:

[Lovedtodeath]

:grouphug:

[G5052]

Caregiver stress is absolutely real. There was a time four years ago when I was dealing with a family member with PTSD, disability, and difficult medical problems plus long-distance eldercare issues, and I went on medication and went to counselling myself. It kept our family together and preserved my health. If I needed it again, I wouldn't hesitate.

[bettyandbob]

No.

 

But I let my own health really slip and that has made me feel like a failure. I may have long term problems, but I'm getting them in control.

 

So, go to the appointment. Get a complete physical and if the doctor says you have any preconditions or warning signs. And as hard as it is to prioritize yourself, you must. If you don't, you will be able to give what you need to your family. I think sometimes as moms we don't take care of our basic needs and justify that nonaction by saying not doing for ourselves means we can do more for others. Well, I know from experience it doesn't translate.

 

The main medication I use to deal with my anxiety and subsequent short fuse is exercise. I used to swim, but lap swimming is hard to schedule around my family's schedule. I walk now. My goal is 3-5 miles daily. In order to do this I have to rise at 5 am and go out in the dark and all kinds of weather. That can be hard, but I feel good after. And it's obvious if I've missed it for a couple of days. I have a head lamp and my route is 1/2 mile route around my neighborhood. If I get to go out in daylight I go all over. The best situation would be if I had a neighbor who kept the same fitness hours. I used to have a late night walking program with a neighbor, but she moved--we used to do 4-5 miles at 9 pm or so.

 

I hope your appointment goes well. Take care of yourself

[*~Tina~*]

In a word, yes! Get the help you need and don't worry a bit about it. Having special needs kids is stressful. Take care of yourself in whatever way you need to...if Momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy! ;)

 

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree: :grouphug:

[lailasmum]

My friend with an autistic son uses an over the counter medication for anxiety when she gets very stressed/depressed. She has very good support but it still all gets on top of her sometimes.

[Chris in VA]

I did back in the day. You have to take care of yourself before you can handle your kiddos. Nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with that. Having someone to talk to and support can help, too. Good mothers take their own health and well-being very, very seriously.

[hsbaby]

Yup....best thing I ever did.

[SailorMom]

Because you mention anxiety, I'll post :)

I'm not medicated because of my DS, but more because I'm already prone to anxiety - and it gets much worse when DH deploys.

I've found that for my anxiety/OCD issues, Welbutrin is amazing. I highly recommend it.

[PeterPan]

Well I did for a year with chocolate and fast food to handle the stress (appointments, new diagnosis of a bad speech problem, etc.), and all it did was hurt me. Now I've been working for months to break that and get the weight off. I encourage you to take care of yourself, including eliminating unrealistic expectations. Just saying this gently, when I look at your sig I get pretty tired just thinking of how I would implement that list. Cut that list in half, go to the park more, find out how to cut down on some appointments or do more therapeutic things at home instead of out (single line swing at home, etc.), and just allow yourself some peace and grace. Seriously, you may feel better by giving yourself PERMISSION to reduce that load. He's NOT nt and you don't HAVE to do all those things.

 

Get more sleep and take more care of yourself, even if it means doing things imperfectly. A well mama is what is necessary.

[chiguirre]

Not intentionally, but I have high blood pressure and I'm sure the stress of my boys is the major reason. I've never had any signs of depression, but I'd treat that if I had to. On the plus side, the bp med seems to act like an anti-anxiety for me, I feel so much calmer on it.

[houseofkids&pets]

Yes. I tend to already be an anxious/overly sensitive type of person. The autism diagnosis and trying to meet everyone's needs just pushed me over the edge. It is hard to get through a day when you have an overwhelming sense of sadness and you are obssessing over every little thing (are we seeing enough progress with therapies for ds, how will we pay for the next specialist, etc., etc., etc.).

 

I agree with the other posters. YOU need to take care of yourself or there is no way that you will be able to take care of everyone else. I was never one of those people who would take a lot of medications. I still don't believe that meds are an answer to everything. However, I do know that it has really improved how I feel, which has therefore improved the quality of life for everyone around me.

 

I would discuss your feelings with your doctor and if he recommends a trial, go for it. You will know if you feel a difference.

[MamaSheep]

Well I did for a year with chocolate and fast food to handle the stress (appointments, new diagnosis of a bad speech problem, etc.), and all it did was hurt me. Now I've been working for months to break that and get the weight off. I encourage you to take care of yourself, including eliminating unrealistic expectations. Just saying this gently, when I look at your sig I get pretty tired just thinking of how I would implement that list. Cut that list in half, go to the park more, find out how to cut down on some appointments or do more therapeutic things at home instead of out (single line swing at home, etc.), and just allow yourself some peace and grace. Seriously, you may feel better by giving yourself PERMISSION to reduce that load. He's NOT nt and you don't HAVE to do all those things.

 

Get more sleep and take more care of yourself, even if it means doing things imperfectly. A well mama is what is necessary.

 

This. Absolutely this.

 

One thing I've discovered over the years is that life with autism is not a sprint, it's a marathon. You have to learn to conserve your resources and not try to do too much, or you will fall on your face. Sometimes quite literally.

 

And to answer your original question, yes, I've used meds myself. I've been prone to depression my whole life, and have mostly learned to manage it with diet and exercise and a few other lifestyle things. But I've also come to recognize that if I don't manage my internal resources wisely and I crash, I sometimes need some extra help to get out of the "pit", so from time to time I do get meds and/or counseling when I need it. Taking care of you IS taking care of him, because if you burn out you won't be able to help him. Life with autism is intense stuff. Learn to prioritize, give yourself permission to go more slowly and do less. Often less is more with ds. He makes better progress when I don't push so hard. And remember, you don't have to do it "all" by tomorrow, or next year, or by the time he's 18. This is a lifelong journey, don't try to run the whole race at once.

[Kathryn]

Thank you all! DH is against it, as I was on medication for depression as a teenager and didn't really get "better" until I weaned myself off around age 20. I feel like this is a different situation though. As I said, I don't like the way I am treating people and I'm really at a loss for other options at this point.

 

The main medication I use to deal with my anxiety and subsequent short fuse is exercise. I used to swim, but lap swimming is hard to schedule around my family's schedule. I walk now. My goal is 3-5 miles daily. In order to do this I have to rise at 5 am and go out in the dark and all kinds of weather. That can be hard, but I feel good after. And it's obvious if I've missed it for a couple of days. I have a head lamp and my route is 1/2 mile route around my neighborhood. If I get to go out in daylight I go all over. The best situation would be if I had a neighbor who kept the same fitness hours. I used to have a late night walking program with a neighbor, but she moved--we used to do 4-5 miles at 9 pm or so.

 

I hope your appointment goes well. Take care of yourself

 

I had talked to my doctor last year about things, but planned to go the exercise route. It just doesn't work out with our family dynamics, schedule, and finances. DH is great about talking about giving me time, but it just doesn't happen. His schedule is erratic, he's tired, busy, upset, etc. I joined a gym but only went once because it was apparent that I couldn't leave ODS in their childcare. I hope to get to a point where time by myself is feasible, but I have to accept that it's just not coming anytime soon.

 

I encourage you to take care of yourself, including eliminating unrealistic expectations. Just saying this gently, when I look at your sig I get pretty tired just thinking of how I would implement that list. Cut that list in half, go to the park more, find out how to cut down on some appointments or do more therapeutic things at home instead of out (single line swing at home, etc.), and just allow yourself some peace and grace. Seriously, you may feel better by giving yourself PERMISSION to reduce that load. He's NOT nt and you don't HAVE to do all those things.

 

I appreciate the concern! We don't do the whole list daily. School takes about 1.5-2 hours here and I'd have a mutiny on my hands if I tried to drop things--well, anything besides math. He thrives off the structure and honestly its one of the best parts of my day because he's focused on something and not driving me insane by making weird noises, bothering his brother, or getting into trouble. We will be done with a lot of extras soon though, which should help. He aged out of speech in November. Swimming will be over in four weeks and I'm willing to fight with DH against doing another sport. Cub scouts is over in a month and we'll be taking the next year off. So, that would take us down to OT and 4H for his scheduled activities.

Edited April 19, 2012 by kebg11

[Lovedtodeath]

Well I did for a year with chocolate and fast food to handle the stress (appointments, new diagnosis of a bad speech problem, etc.), and all it did was hurt me. Now I've been working for months to break that and get the weight off. I encourage you to take care of yourself, including eliminating unrealistic expectations. Just saying this gently, when I look at your sig I get pretty tired just thinking of how I would implement that list. Cut that list in half, go to the park more, find out how to cut down on some appointments or do more therapeutic things at home instead of out (single line swing at home, etc.), and just allow yourself some peace and grace. Seriously, you may feel better by giving yourself PERMISSION to reduce that load. He's NOT nt and you don't HAVE to do all those things.

 

Get more sleep and take more care of yourself, even if it means doing things imperfectly. A well mama is what is necessary.

:iagree:Ways I take care of myself: go for a walk with the kids and sit at a pond, park or ditch full of rocks (lol) while they play. Go to my room with dark, prayer or a good book for a few minutes when I do get a break instead of getting on the computer. Reading the Psalms especially helps. Exercise definitely. Can you take your kids to a gym that has child care? Even a half an hour makes a big difference. Tanning is good too. Raw Cacao-- provides magnesium, dopamine and seratonin all of which treat anxiety- huge difference. My daughter is about to turn 10 and I have finally gotten her to stay in bed in the morning when I get up. I had to work the amount of time and reason up gradually (I had to get up early for our garage sale, to make breakfast, etc.)

 

Prescriptions only worked for a couple of weeks until the side effects became unmanageable, but raw cacao, Vitamin D, adrenal treatments and fish oil or Udo's Oil have all helped me a lot.

Edited April 19, 2012 by Lovedtodeath

[MamaSheep]

Thank you all! DH is against it, as I was on medication for depression as a teenager and didn't really get "better" until I weaned myself off around age 20. I feel like this is a different situation though. As I said, I don't like the way I am treating people and I'm really at a loss for other options at this point.

 

I was fairly hesitant to try meds again as an adult because the med they put me on in my late teens wasn't good. It evidently seemed from the outside that it helped, but from the inside it just deadened everything. Nothing mattered. I got into a pretty unhealthy relationship and stayed there because...well...who really cares. Like you, things didn't really get "better" until I took myself off the medication. That's one of the reasons I learned to manage mostly with exercise (but you're right, it's really hard to get time for it) and diet (mostly just "real" food on a regular schedule, lots of fruits and veggies). Even just getting out in the sunshine helps, as does setting a timer for 5 minutes and making myself do something that will improve my physical surroundings (it's harder to be depressed in a clean(ish) house). I also take vitamin D supplements and they help quite a bit. And getting enough sleep.

 

But a while back it got so I was stuck and those things weren't helping, and then I was even more stuck and couldn't even make myself do the things that usually help. I decided even that grayed out fog I remembered from the meds would be preferable to the black pit I was in, and this time I had dh to help watch out for me, and the meds could probably be a temporary thing and I could go off them once I got my own motor going again for a while. BUT, when I talked to my doctor about my previous experience, he said that in the intervening years since I'd gone down that road that had become a recognized side-effect of that medication (there's even a name for it, but I forget), but that some of the other depression meds that have come out since operate differently in the brain and don't produce the same effect. I had to try a couple of different meds before I found a good fit. One of them actually made me go a little loopy and pass out. I almost drew the line there. The next one was great for the first few days, but then I didn't even want to get out of bed. My doctor said that happens sometimes when the dose is too high and cut me back to a half dose in an extended release version so it doesn't all hit my system at once, and it has actually been really good.

 

All of which is to say if the first thing you try doesn't make you "better", don't give up. They don't all do the same thing, and sometimes it takes a little trial and error to find a good fit. I was very pleasantly surprised.

[MamaSheep]

Also, it sounds to me like you're a really good mom. Things will get better. He's at a hard age right now, but things will shift and change and develop over time and it won't always be this hard. :grouphug: You're doing great.

[Peaceful Isle]

I agree with Wellbutrin helping!

[Mom-ninja.]

Get a full workup first. You may have health issues causing it.

 

For me it's celiac and hashimoto's that is causing my anxiety. I'm scheduled to see an endocrinologist next month. Sometimes by treating the thyroid it will fix the anxiety.

 

A very good friend of mine also has Hashimoto's and she was very very depressed. She was suicidal even. She's now on thyroid meds and her depression is gone.

[LostSurprise]

Thanks for bringing up the subject. I'm listening for myself.

 

I don't like medications. I'm trying to be more open to the thought.

Because of his diagnosis, I can't leave him alone when he's sleeping so its hard to exercise.

 

So far what helps me most is limiting sugar and bread (really hard when I'm stressed), eating more vegetables, taking B and D vitamins, and having one night a week off. Actually both my husband and I have a night. He does wood working and runs errands on Tuesdays and I see a movie, hit the library, or go grocery shopping on Thursdays. Totally alone. I can really tell if I don't get those few hours off a week.

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

If you get a well made double stroller, your kids should still fit. A side by side jogging stroller for running or jogging or a front to back double stroller for walking. I took both kids to a far away park in a front to back stroller up until they were quite old, the walk there and back was good exercise. I still have the stroller for emergencies, they both fit in a pinch, although they are getting a bit big for it.

 

Used ones are generally reasonable.

[gardenmom5]

I'm on levothyroxin - which made a huge difference.

 

also - yoga was a lifesaver when my asd son was smaller. he'd climb all over me whie I was doing it, but I'd ask him if he wanted me to be a nice mommy or not and he'd get off. I also gave him a yoga mat to use - and he "might" do part of one pose. he'd sit and watch. made a big difference, it was so calming and I felt better physically to be able to handle the physical demands better.

[TranquilMind]

I have a physical appointment today and I'm thinking about asking medication for myself. I don't think I'm depressed. I think I'd call it more anxiety, but I don't like the person I've become because of how on edge I am now. ODS is autistic. I don't get breaks and nothing in our current lifestyle will change that anytime soon. I feel like a failure, but I don't like how short-tempered and angry I've become.

I smiled at this post a bit, because I often joke that if I had access to weed now, I'd put it in my smoothies just to get through these few years with teens. But alas, I am not a lawbreaker (and no medical prescription)...

 

And my drinking days have been over nearly 20 years.

 

So, you have my sympathy. No, I wouldn't do it just because I'm not a fan of pharmaceuticals with their vast side effects, if I can possibly avoid it. But I sure understand the thought process here, and I don't even have special needs kids. Just a teen that is testing everything I ever knew or thought.

[bettyandbob]

 

I had talked to my doctor last year about things, but planned to go the exercise route. It just doesn't work out with our family dynamics, schedule, and finances. DH is great about talking about giving me time, but it just doesn't happen. His schedule is erratic, he's tired, busy, upset, etc. I joined a gym but only went once because it was apparent that I couldn't leave ODS in their childcare. I hope to get to a point where time by myself is feasible, but I have to accept that it's just not coming anytime soon.

 

 

This really concerns me. Regular exercise for yourself is important. If you are not getting any exercise you are hurting yourself. Your dh should help you make it a priority. He can help you analyze your schedule and see where it will fit --even if he won't be home. If he can't be home to watch dc, he could help you put together a workout space. A selection of dvds and 3-5lb weights could do it. For variety you could have a mini tramp, bosu, or one of those big balls. All of the equipment could also be used by dc as part of a therapy or exercise program for them (so don't feel you are wasting $ on you only). Just make sure the equipment is used properly and put away properly so it's ready for you. I used to do the dvd thing a lot. Caring for special needs kids drains you. You need to give yourself permission for exercise and get it built into the day.

 

You may still need to see how you do on medication. However, if you are able to get an exercise program going you will have shown yourself you have some control. Feeling control is an added help for anxiety beyond anxiety calming you get from the heartrate increasing aerobic activity.

[LittleIzumi]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

In a way, yes. I have energy work done. She does pretty much everything, depending on what I need that time. Yesterday was reflexology with lavender oil. Mmmmmmmm. *melts into a happy puddle*

[sewingmama]

Yes - and it has helped immensely. Coping has become much easier - less irratable - and much more tolerant with DD's behaviours. It's so easy to go it a pit of depression when nothing you do seems to help a child.

[KungFuPanda]

I had a really rough time 4 years ago when my son was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. The same year, DH got laid off, our house went into foreclosure, AND we had a stalker. A friggin STALKER! I did not medicate. I SHOULD HAVE medicated. I was so deep in my fog that I couldn't think to help myself. I should have done ANYTHING to ease some of that stress and anxiety to get me through the roughest two years of my life. We did come through financially and save the house, but I still don't understand WHY I didn't DO something to make it easier on myself. It makes no sense looking back. DO IT!

 

I do manage to get away. Are there no options for camps or respite care for your son? I don't know how I'd cope if I didn't have my dance classes and the support of my fellow dancers.

[Lovedtodeath]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

In a way, yes. I have energy work done. She does pretty much everything, depending on what I need that time. Yesterday was reflexology with lavender oil. Mmmmmmmm. *melts into a happy puddle*

This is a great idea! I almost suggested massage or something similar. :) Even once a month could make a big difference.

[ssavings]

No, but I'm considering it. I tried Wellbutrin a few years ago, but it wasn't a good fit for me.

[laundrycrisis]

I have started drinking a cup of Republic of Tea's Get Some Zzzzzs tea every night. When I am stressed, I involuntarily fight falling asleep. The tea overcomes my fight. I feel like I'm getting regular deep sleep for the first time in about ten years. It's made an amazing difference in how I feel.

[LG Gone Wild]

I have a physical appointment today and I'm thinking about asking medication for myself. I don't think I'm depressed. I think I'd call it more anxiety, but I don't like the person I've become because of how on edge I am now. ODS is autistic. I don't get breaks and nothing in our current lifestyle will change that anytime soon. I feel like a failure, but I don't like how short-tempered and angry I've become.

 

I have a difficult child that brings out the worst in me and I know that failure feeling - too scared for actual medication.

 

Jim Bean, Jack Daniel, Tequila, vicodin .... heavy duty exercise in between rounds

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Ali in OR]

What has helped me the most over the last few months is having some respite time. Dd is now in a program where I can get some respite. It doesn't take much to make a big difference--just a few hours a week. I'm able to take my other dds to all of their activities on our busiest day of the week without also trying to manage a screaming non-verbal non-ambulatory child. (She doesn't always scream, but having to go from activity to activity-always in the rain in Oregon-can seriously tax her). Now dd stays home with her care provider and we're both much happier. Oregon has programs that provide some help for families with special needs kids-and behavioral issues are a big part of those needs. I would check with your county health department to see what is available. You need a break! Even paying a provider yourself may be cheaper than an RX (depending on your copay).

 

As for exercise, what works for me is a treadmill in our bedroom. I get on there from 6:30am-7:00am before the kids are up. I can read there--it's actually a pleasant time, other than the getting up early.