Ballet - the final heartbreak

[LNC]

Thanks so much everyone! Deleted for privacy...

Edited April 17, 2012 by LNC

[bettyandbob]

Can she pursue other types of dance?

 

Does she need to be completely away from dance for now because this is raw emotionally?

[Dmmetler]

I'd let her quit, but keep a list of possible schools/programs in your back pocket for when, 6 months from now, she decides she misses dancing. It might be that she'd be better suited for a program that focuses on Jazz/tap/lyrical than classical ballet, and with her ballet training, could excel in such a school. Or even a world dance program-one of the teens in our homeschool group left ballet because she was one of those kids who looked 18 at 12, and just felt out of place, and she's now doing Belly Dancing with a developmental program that leads into a professional performing group, and loves it.

 

My gut feeling is that if she has danced for years and loves it, she'll want to do some form of dance-but that maybe she needs to grieve what she had first.

[LNC]

At her level, contemporary requires ballet training with it. She is opposed to continue pressing on with ballet knowing she will never progress where she is.

Edited April 16, 2012 by LNC

[CalicoKat]

A huge huge broken dream big :grouphug: So sorry for her.

 

My knee jerk thought was try Karate! Karate is similar to Ballet in that it's not a team sport. I was watching some of the higher belt levels testing last month and there was a real gracefulness to their forms that I didn't know existed. I thought it was all tough stuff. Not so.

 

I bet her ballet experience (strength & poise) would be a real asset to her too. Just a thought.

 

Other things to try might be swim team.

Edited April 17, 2012 by CalicoKat

[ssavings]

I'm sorry..l:grouphug:

[Guest submarines]

A huge huge broken dream big :grouphug: So sorry for her.

 

My knee jerk thought was try Karate! Karate is similar to Ballet in that it's not a team sport. I was watching some of the higher belt levels testing last month and there was a real gracefulness to their forms that I didn't know existed. I thought it was all tough stuff. Not so.

 

I bet her ballet experience (strength & poise) would be a real asset to her too. Just a thought.

 

Other things to try might be swim team.

 

Interesting thought about Karate. Aikido is even less competitive and more philosophically gentle, and looks even more like a dance.

[bettyandbob]

If you have the time and the money, I'd encourage her to try something new rather than just ride a stationary bike.

 

Martial Arts comes to my mind first.

 

Running. Check to see if your local running club or youth rec league has a track program for kids. I recall a track coach in my youth saying being pigeon toed could be an advantage.

 

After taking the summer off (go to the pool and play, ride bikes outside, hikes at local parks) and just enjoy summer because you have no summer intensives to go to from 10-5 daily, look around and try stuff at random. Your dd could find a new passion that can be carried into adult hood.

[fairfarmhand]

gymnastics?

 

yoga?

 

Pilates?

 

Any of these would be preferable to an exercise bike.

 

She'd probably be great at gymnastics.

[ocelotmom]

My knee jerk thought was try Karate! Karate is similar to Ballet in that it's not a team sport. I was watching some of the higher belt levels testing last month and there was a real gracefulness to their forms that I didn't know existed. I thought it was all tough stuff. Not so. .

 

Same here. Martial arts (whatever type) use similar skills, but is different enough in nature that it might not push her emotional buttons, especially if you give it a bit of time.

[LaxMom]

At her level, contemporary requires ballet training with it. She is opposed to continue pressing on with ballet knowing she will never progress where she is.

 

That's the point where I stopped. It was obvious at that point that I simply did not (do not) have the body of a ballerina, that I would never progress beyond ballet for sport and entertainment. I have no regrets.

 

(After a year or so, I got the itch to get physically active again and played lacrosse and golf in HS.)

[MamaT]

I'm sorry your dd is disappointed. If I am remembering right, we are neighbors. If so, the homeschool sports league has a girl's volleyball team starting in the fall that my dd is going to play for. Maybe your dd would be interested? Feel free to pm me. My dd has danced since she as 3, and just got burned out. She wants to try some other things.

[LNC]

deleted for privacy

Edited April 17, 2012 by LNC

[Paige]

A huge huge broken dream big :grouphug: So sorry for her.

 

My knee jerk thought was try Karate! Karate is similar to Ballet in that it's not a team sport. I was watching some of the higher belt levels testing last month and there was a real gracefulness to their forms that I didn't know existed. I thought it was all tough stuff. Not so.

 

I bet her ballet experience (strength & poise) would be a real asset to her too. Just a thought.

 

Other things to try might be swim team.

 

:iagree: She could do very well in martial arts. It's an individual sport and she could advance at her own pace. There's always older students joining up so she shouldn't feel out of place just beginning. The absolute best beginners I have ever seen in our schools are dance students. They find memorizing the forms easy and they are already fairly limber for the kicks.

[Remudamom]

My niece ended her years and years of dancing when the next step was Europe. She lived and is glad she didn't make it her entire life.

[redsquirrel]

I am so sorry.

 

My son is also in a school with a professional company and I know how a ballet school can just take over your life. You can't imagine what would take it's place.

 

She really might want to consider martial arts. My son does both. Well, did both. He is taking a break from TKD for the school year due to...ballet, of course. But, he would tell you that the two are very similar. He progressed very quickly when he started TKD because ballet had given so much body control and awareness. He also had the most beautiful forms you have ever seen! My son also cannot stand team sports, but likes to be active. Ballet is physically challenging like nothing else. I would not claim that martial arts are at the same level. But, it does use many of the same skills. If (when) ballet gets to be too much for my son I am certain he will switch over to martial arts.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Rock climbing? It is a great sport - balance, co-ordination, thinking, endurance, strength. Dd is a competitive rock climber and loves it. It is a solo activity like gymnastics, but there can be a real camaraderie among climbers.

 

ETA: her dance training and her lean body type are perfect for this sport. Being pigeon toed is not important. Every climber works within their own strengths and weaknesses.

[chiguirre]

Just another vote for MA. They really do use some of the same skills as ballet, but you can go at your own pace.

[catz]

Can she pursue other types of dance?

 

I'd look at other dance programs. My daughters studio does ballet, but also does tap, jazz, hip hop, ballroom. Is she interested in musical theater? I'd have her quit this competitive studio, but look at something else to fill this hole. We have a local circus arts school that is awesome too.

[KungFuPanda]

I'd let her have a break, then encourage her to look at different forms of dance. I see lots of teens go into bellydancing years after they've body-typed out of ballet. There are dance forms where she can excel despite breasts, hips, and even 'bad' feet. With her extensive dance training, she would rise through the ranks quickly. There ARE other paths to becoming a lifelong dancer that will leave you just as poor as ballet :D

[Lolly]

Those pigeon toes can be a blessing in other sports. Like the ortho suggested, track could be calling. Breaststrokers tend to be pigeon-toed in swimming! Her dance would be a huge asset in martial arts. All three are easy for a preteen to start in (not true in all sports). Encourage her to try a few other sports and see how it goes. The things she learned in dance will cross over to many different sports!

[LNC]

I'm sorry your dd is disappointed. If I am remembering right, we are neighbors. If so, the homeschool sports league has a girl's volleyball team starting in the fall that my dd is going to play for. Maybe your dd would be interested? Feel free to pm me. My dd has danced since she as 3, and just got burned out. She wants to try some other things.

 

I don't think we are in the same part of the state but I pmd you. Thanks!

[lmrich]

my ballerina excels in diving - it is that strong core and really being in tune with her body.

 

I would encourage ballroom dancing with a partner; it is so different from ballet but it would be familiar. :grouphug:

[NASDAQ]

Your daughter sounds like she's being really mature about a big disappointment. You must be really proud of her (and yourself!). So many people can't take disappointment, kwim?

 

I'd let her end the ballet and look for new things to do in the fall, when most lessons and teams start. I wouldn't push using a stationary bike in the meantime. Maybe a little gentle experimentation over the summer? I would look especially at the types of sports she can pursue recreationally as an adult -- golf (lots of clubs give a huge discount to attempt to recruit youth and girls, go figure), tennis, badminton, running, that kind of thing.

[ma23peas]

My daughter was pigeon toed...still naturally will stand with her left foot turned in...and I guess you could say she was bow-legged when she was born...she is in competitive Irish dancing...her teacher feels it is the best dance for her to help lengthen her tendons and improve her foot placement.

 

Her teacher has given her specific exercises (flat frog) etc. that help her improve her 'turn-out'...80% of the time her left foot is the one that can not turn out well...over the past 3 months with her practicing her "duck walk" and other techniques her left foot only points straight about 30% of the time and turns in less than 10%...it used to turn in about 80-90% of the time. Maybe her teacher is not informed on ways to help her turnout? My daughter says it is very hard for her, not so much pain as it is her tendon just feels tight on that side. Hope this helps!

[DianeW88]

Yes, one of the cruel aspects of the world of ballet is that, quite frankly....it's all about your body. If your feet look like a pair of bricks in your pointe shoes...you will never advance.

 

My dd has a friend who is in a university program, and after three years, has still not advanced her past freshman level classes. All because they don't like her body. Conversely, my dd had to get special permission to take 400 level senior classes in her freshman year...because she has the right body type and accompanying "banana feet".

 

Make sure your dd knows that this is no reflection on her talent or skill as a dancer. It's all about how you look on stage, and "bad feet" just don't cut it.

 

I would have her try ballroom, modern or folk dance. None of those require "banana feet." Don't give up on dance...just find a type that is better suited to your dd's body.

[kroe1]

I'm confused; is this your 5th grader or 7th grader?

 

I can't imagine a child getting all 10's and then being the only kiddo who doesn't move to the next level class. That alone would make me find another studio.

 

I'm also confused about why a kiddo would want to spend 10 hours a week on a sport she knew she would never excel at because of physical impairments. Why hasn't this child been learning tap, hip-hop, or jazz? A kiddo who has been in a strict ballet class for 10 hours a week is going to think she broke out of jail when she moves into another genre.

 

She's obviously a kiddo who loves to seriously perform since she is so set on never dancing again since she can't have live music and a big stage. Goodness, get this child to the nearest community theater quickly. She will explode with joy the first time she does a main stage show. I think you mentioned she has opportunities for singing and whatnot. This kiddo is probably a triple threat who has been trapped by the propaganda of the bun heads.

 

Keep us posted with what you and she decide. Give her a hug tonight, and throw her out on the stage tomorrow.

 

:grouphug:

 

Disclaimer: All thoughts come from south Florida where every kiddo is a triple threat.

 

:)

[SonshineLearner]

I feel your pain! :) My daughter has danced since 4 and now as a freshman "to be" she is going to do cheer. I've also heard that dancers make really great martial arts students... that was my back up plan for my daughter. (great exercise, too!!) Sorry for the loss and hope for something to fill the space in your child's life!

[LNC]

deleted for privacy

Edited April 17, 2012 by LNC

[besroma]

Your daughter sounds like she's being really mature about a big disappointment. You must be really proud of her (and yourself!). So many people can't take disappointment, kwim?

 

I'd let her end the ballet and look for new things to do in the fall, when most lessons and teams start. I wouldn't push using a stationary bike in the meantime. Maybe a little gentle experimentation over the summer? I would look especially at the types of sports she can pursue recreationally as an adult -- golf (lots of clubs give a huge discount to attempt to recruit youth and girls, go figure), tennis, badminton, running, that kind of thing.

 

:iagree:

[Aggie]

Thanks everyone. She is still kind of shell shocked. She is thinking she will try theater, continue piano with the festival added next year, and begin voice lessons just for fun.

 

We looked at different options tonight for athletics that wouldn't be hampered by her femoral anteversion. One thing that stood out to me was rowing - it is a 20 min. drive to the lake which is doable for a 1 week intro to rowing summer class. But, the pre-competitive fall/spring practice is 3x a week. Then, 5x a week for competitive level with travel to regattas etc. I don't know if I can get into something that requires that kind of time driving again, now that ballet may end... She wants to start Couch to 5K after her ballet performance in June.

 

I finally was able to talk to my husband about everything for a few minutes a little while ago. His main question was - will dropping ballet weaken her college application? She won't have a time-consuming passion. Sigh...

 

She will have a passion again! She's dropping ballet, not her passion for an activity! :001_smile: She'll find something that she'll love as much as ballet and your time will once again be consumed!

[mom2twoWTM]

Feeling for you. I have twins 13 year olds in a pre-pro school. Just the injury risk alone worries me constantly (it's springtime so the number of dancers in "boots" has jumped up) and one DD has very pronounced bunions which might someday impact her pointe work.

 

I would second, third and fourth martial arts. Both my girls have their black belts in Tae Kwon Do. We had to quit after first degree because the ballet schedule just doesn't allow it anymore. But they could go back to it at any time.

 

The dance training was a beautiful complement to martial arts. They were so much more flexible and graceful than their classmates. The form combinations are like choreography so she will naturally pick up on things quickly. I used to love the tournaments when my two dancers would come out on top, even in sparring against same age and rank boys.

 

If you can find the right studio, she could even progress to a teaching position. Our studio had several high school students earn their instructor "stripes" and it was a fantastic leadership skill for college apps. These were some of the most articulate and polite high schoolers I have ever met.

[HappyGrace]

I PM'ed you! :grouphug:

[kitten18]

I'd let her quit, but keep a list of possible schools/programs in your back pocket for when, 6 months from now, she decides she misses dancing. It might be that she'd be better suited for a program that focuses on Jazz/tap/lyrical than classical ballet, and with her ballet training, could excel in such a school. Or even a world dance program-one of the teens in our homeschool group left ballet because she was one of those kids who looked 18 at 12, and just felt out of place, and she's now doing Belly Dancing with a developmental program that leads into a professional performing group, and loves it.

 

My gut feeling is that if she has danced for years and loves it, she'll want to do some form of dance-but that maybe she needs to grieve what she had first.

:iagree:

[higginszoo]

Agreeing with martial arts. My daughter got tired of the cattiness of dance and moved to martial arts and hasn't looked back. We chose a style (Jhoon Rhee Tae Kwon Do) that even bills itself as martial arts ballet. She's on the demonstration team, which allows her to perform at a variety of venues, and she definitely gets lots of exercise. She'll be testing for her black belt in the fall.

[SueinNC]

.....

I finally was able to talk to my husband about everything for a few minutes a little while ago. His main question was - will dropping ballet weaken her college application? She won't have a time-consuming passion. Sigh...

 

 

He did bring up a very good point. The advice we get from families with children in high school and college is that grade 9 is the cut off and not to quit before in order to count said activity on your transcript.

[LNC]

deleted for privacy

Edited April 17, 2012 by LNC

[LNC]

deleted for privacy

Edited April 17, 2012 by LNC

[TXMomof4]

I would let her let it go. I quit dancing at the height of my achievements. I had accomplished a lot and it ended on a not very good note because of another person. It hurt a lot, but I was done. Ballet is something that is too hard to do if you know there isn't a real future there. KWIM? She may decide later that she'd like to continue just for the sake of dancing when the emotional aspect of it has receded somewhat - or she may not. I miss having a good class, but I don't ever miss the performance side of it. Continuing when the drive isn't there isn't worth it to me.

[SueinNC]

Yes, but she would only dance at an intermediate level. No high school companies, no major roles. It wouldn't be age appropriate anyway and extremely expensive and time consuming to stay at the same int. level for 5 years.

 

I think it is better to invest her time in something new that she can grow and develop into.

 

:grouphug:

 

I do understand.

My dd also does theatre with a not for profit group. We would love to have your daughter participate if you lived near us!

Edited April 18, 2012 by Caledonia Academy

[ocelotmom]

I finally was able to talk to my husband about everything for a few minutes a little while ago. His main question was - will dropping ballet weaken her college application? She won't have a time-consuming passion. Sigh...

Regardless of whether this is your 5th or 7th grader, this is WAY too early to worry about. And, from that standpoint, it's better to make a switch now than to have her continue with this and decide when she's much closer to college-age that it's making her totally miserable. Being stuck in the same class is likely to be a much bigger deal when she's 14 or 16 than it is now. To use martial arts for an example, 5 years is generally plenty of time for someone dedicated, and who starts out physically fit and coordinated, to get to black belt or beyond, and at that point you're often doing some teaching as well, all of which is going to be impressive on a college app.

 

If you take the track and field route, I'm pretty sure that most schools don't even start formal training and competition until high school, so she'd be pretty much on level with everyone else.

 

Also, if scholarships or preparedness for college-level competition/performance are a concern, it doesn't make sense to devote further time to something where she knows she is not competitive regardless of her level of dedication.

[LNC]

A huge huge broken dream big :grouphug: So sorry for her.

 

My knee jerk thought was try Karate! Karate is similar to Ballet in that it's not a team sport. I was watching some of the higher belt levels testing last month and there was a real gracefulness to their forms that I didn't know existed. I thought it was all tough stuff. Not so.

 

I bet her ballet experience (strength & poise) would be a real asset to her too. Just a thought.

 

Other things to try might be swim team.

 

Thanks

[Rebecca VA]

Will dropping ballet weaken her college application?

 

Here is our story:

 

Last year my daughter had Lyme Disease and was recovering from jaw surgery at the very time her ballet company was choosing trainees. She didn't make the cut, and we were totally shocked. Her nine years of hard work and her prior accomplishment were not enough to get past the fact that she was doing poorly **at the time she was being evaluated.** It was a very sad period in our lives, but we just had to accept the decision.

 

She took a few classes over the summer, though she really had not recovered her strength. She signed up for ballet during the fall, but at a lower level. She was and still is really struggling. Her motivation is gone, and her body is no longer able to do what it used to do.

 

I let her go to school this year as sort of a consolation prize for not making the ballet company (she had wanted for years to go to school), and we've decided to send her to a local boarding school next year. The boarding school is a competitive one requiring numerous essays as part of the application. One of the topics was "Tell about a time when you tried to accomplish and failed." She definitely had something to write about for that one! Another required topic was about a time in the student's life when they demonstrated courage. She wrote about how she went from homeschool to private school and all the changes she had to face to do that. The essays were really, really good, and they were written from her heart. She was also able to say truthfully that she was interested in participating in the boarding school's (very small) dance program, which tends to be under-participated-in because most students are more interested in playing competitive sports. I think the admissions staff looked with favor on her because of those things.

 

I don't know where your daughter hopes to go to college or what other activities she will be able to put on her transcript, but not taking ballet will not be fatal. She just needs to dust herself off and show that she can shine in another capacity.