Please Keep It To Yourself!

[Impish]

Ugh, ugh, ugh!

 

Wolf has chosen, and has my full agreement, to have absolutely nothing to do w/his uncle.

 

His uncle is convicted of m*lesting his dds. Plea bargined, but frankly, we don't care what the actual guilty plea was, we know he's a freakin s*x offender.

 

WHY is it so hard to understand, and respect the boundary of, "We have no contact, and wish to have no contact or information about this person."?

 

I don't CARE how sick he is at the moment. I don't care if he and his wife and MIL are at odds.

 

Don't. Care.

 

If Wolf's aunt can't respect this, and stop w/the commentary, she's going to find her emails blocked.

[9763653]

Ugh, ugh, ugh!

 

Wolf has chosen, and has my full agreement, to have absolutely nothing to do w/his uncle.

 

His uncle is convicted of m*lesting his dds. Plea bargined, but frankly, we don't care what the actual guilty plea was, we know he's a freakin s*x offender.

 

WHY is it so hard to understand, and respect the boundary of, "We have no contact, and wish to have no contact or information about this person."?

 

I don't CARE how sick he is at the moment. I don't care if he and his wife and MIL are at odds.

 

Don't. Care.

 

If Wolf's aunt can't respect this, and stop w/the commentary, she's going to find her emails blocked.

 

His uncle abused his (and the aunt's) kids and the aunt is still supporting her husband? That is, IMO, an offense all by itself. How old are the kids?

[Impish]

His uncle abused his (and the aunt's) kids and the aunt is still supporting her husband? That is, IMO, an offense all by itself. How old are the kids?

We totally agree w/you.

 

Kids are adults...around Wolf's age, a bit older. He was charged after they grew up and left home.

 

MIL complains that they don't get to see their grandchildren, and how everyone needs to forgive the uncle.

 

Yeah. Not having anything to do w/him, I don't care if that makes us 'not as Christian'.

 

The aunt in the OP isn't the one married to this creepazoid. Just to clarify.

[Denisemomof4]

The aunt you ARE referring to is just as bad as the creepazoid.

 

"Wolf and I have chosen not to have contact with Creepazoid. We also dont want to hear what is going on in his life, and we dont want him to know what goes on in ours. This is non-negotiable. If anyone cant respect this, we simply cant have them in our lives."

 

Then hit return. :001_smile:

[Harriet Vane]

Stand your ground.

 

:grouphug:

[9763653]

We totally agree w/you.

 

Kids are adults...around Wolf's age, a bit older. He was charged after they grew up and left home.

 

MIL complains that they don't get to see their grandchildren, and how everyone needs to forgive the uncle.

 

Yeah. Not having anything to do w/him, I don't care if that makes us 'not as Christian'.

 

The aunt in the OP isn't the one married to this creepazoid. Just to clarify.

 

"Not Christian" because you want nothing to do with him? Neglecting to protect others is not Christian, I think, and that is exactly what those who are advocating forgetting about past abuse are doing. Don't the victims deserve compassion?

[Truscifi]

The aunt you ARE referring to is just as bad as the creepazoid.

 

"Wolf and I have chosen not to have contact with Creepazoid. We also dont want to hear what is going on in his life, and we dont want him to know what goes on in ours. This is non-negotiable. If anyone cant respect this, we simply cant have them in our lives."

 

Then hit return. :001_smile:

 

Stand your ground.

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree: Good luck. Family can be so much fun! :glare:

[NicAnn]

Nearly the same thing is happening in my family. I have made the choice to cut off ALL contact with anyone who associates with said person.

 

Sorry you guys are going through this. It really sucks.

[LittleIzumi]

:grouphug::grouphug: "It's not my job to judge him, true--but it IS my job to decide what is safe and right for my family, and I have decided that any contact with him is unsafe and inappropriate for our family. If information about him continues to be sent again my wishes, I will not be able to continue correspondence in this manner."

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[foxbridgeacademy]

:grouphug::grouphug: "It's not my job to judge him, true--but it IS my job to decide what is safe and right for my family, and I have decided that any contact with him is unsafe and inappropriate for our family. If information about him continues to be sent again my wishes, I will not be able to continue correspondence in this manner."

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

:iagree:This is what I'd say only not as nicely.

[Peaceful Isle]

Yes, I agree. You are protecting your family. You are giving your children a gift by keeping him away. I do not believe this is judgmental. People chose there own actions..therefore have to chose the consequences. People like to guilt and say forgive and accept. Forgiveness is wonderful, but it does not equate allowing evil in your home.

Your aunt must be in denial or something. Good job for standing your ground! :grouphug:

Edited February 20, 2012 by mommyof4AZ

[fairfarmhand]

The Christian Comment????

 

 

Ask if they have millstones around. Since he has offended a little one, he is better off with one around his neck in the ocean.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I agree with Strider. Stand your ground. :grouphug:

[Impish]

Thanks for the responses.

 

Dealing w/this family, you start to question your sanity sometimes.

 

I know part of it is the aunt wants us to ride herd on MIL, to make her behave.

 

*snort*

[Mommyfaithe]

The aunt you ARE referring to is just as bad as the creepazoid.

 

"Wolf and I have chosen not to have contact with Creepazoid. We also dont want to hear what is going on in his life, and we dont want him to know what goes on in ours. This is non-negotiable. If anyone cant respect this, we simply cant have them in our lives."

 

Then hit return. :001_smile:

 

Copy....paste....send.

[macpuffins]

The aunt you ARE referring to is just as bad as the creepazoid.

 

"Wolf and I have chosen not to have contact with Creepazoid. We also dont want to hear what is going on in his life, and we dont want him to know what goes on in ours. This is non-negotiable. If anyone cant respect this, we simply cant have them in our lives."

 

Then hit return. :001_smile:

 

I can not possibly agree more with the above statement than I do. 100%. Unequivocal. Non-negotiable. PERIOD!

[Impish]

Oh, believe me, if the aunt doesn't cease and desist, I will be emailing something along the lines of what Denise wrote.

 

I'm hoping that she'll just drop it.

[Elizabeth in MN]

My step-family is much the same way about their baby-raper. I finally had to cut all ties with them save my half-brother.

[Impish]

We already went through a big song and dance a few yrs ago.

 

MIL was talking about creepazoid and his wife driving her down to visit, and coming to our place. :glare:

 

I informed her that I would have him arrested for trespassing if he showed, and she would no longer be welcome in our home. I also told her that Wolf wants nothing to do w/creepazoid, and if he ever saw creep, Wolf would be very hard pressed not to beat the ever loving carp out of him.

 

Wolf doesn't do well w/ppl that mistreat children.

 

And then there was the issue of her giving creep pics of our kids...cause he doesn't get to see his own grandkids, so she 'shared' hers. :glare:

 

She doesn't understand WHY his dds won't allow him to see the grands...or at least let his wife see them.

 

Which cued the first lecture of how she's a better Christian, cause she forgives...*eyeroll*

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:grouphug::grouphug: "It's not my job to judge him, true--but it IS my job to decide what is safe and right for my family, and I have decided that any contact with him is unsafe and inappropriate for our family. If information about him continues to be sent again my wishes, I will not be able to continue correspondence in this manner."

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

:iagree:

[scrapbabe]

Ugh, ugh, ugh!

 

Wolf has chosen, and has my full agreement, to have absolutely nothing to do w/his uncle.

 

His uncle is convicted of m*lesting his dds. Plea bargined, but frankly, we don't care what the actual guilty plea was, we know he's a freakin s*x offender.

 

WHY is it so hard to understand, and respect the boundary of, "We have no contact, and wish to have no contact or information about this person."?

 

I don't CARE how sick he is at the moment. I don't care if he and his wife and MIL are at odds.

 

Don't. Care.

 

If Wolf's aunt can't respect this, and stop w/the commentary, she's going to find her emails blocked.

We have a similar situation. I've taken a TON of crap for putting my foot down and standing my ground. But I refuse to let this person/people be a part of our life!! Hang in there!!

[A.Balaban]

I would probably just ignore the email and not respect. Which, of course, is less polite than answering and saying you'd rather not discuss Creepazoid. :D

 

I am sorry your MIL cannot respect your family's wishes and boundaries.

[IsabelC]

It's nothing to do with being Christian or forgiving. It's perfectly possible to forgive somebody and still not want contact with them. (And in any case, forgiveness is more relevant for the actual victims.) You're protecting your family, and that can't be the wrong thing to do.

[kolamum]

You could just bounce the email back which might drive them insane wondering why on earth the emails don't go through to you. ;)

[Lisbeth]

We already went through a big song and dance a few yrs ago.

 

MIL was talking about creepazoid and his wife driving her down to visit, and coming to our place. :glare:

 

I informed her that I would have him arrested for trespassing if he showed, and she would no longer be welcome in our home. I also told her that Wolf wants nothing to do w/creepazoid, and if he ever saw creep, Wolf would be very hard pressed not to beat the ever loving carp out of him.

 

Wolf doesn't do well w/ppl that mistreat children.

 

And then there was the issue of her giving creep pics of our kids...cause he doesn't get to see his own grandkids, so she 'shared' hers. :glare:

 

She doesn't understand WHY his dds won't allow him to see the grands...or at least let his wife see them.

 

Which cued the first lecture of how she's a better Christian, cause she forgives...*eyeroll*

 

Oh man. This brings out my inner tiger. Shared DNA does not equal diplomatic immunity! Good for you two!

[PrincessMommy]

It's nothing to do with being Christian or forgiving. It's perfectly possible to forgive somebody and still not want contact with them. (And in any case, forgiveness is more relevant for the actual victims.) You're protecting your family, and that can't be the wrong thing to do.

 

:iagree: I hate it when people pull out the guilt card when THEY are the ones doing the wrong..

[Impish]

Oh, we're not about to back down on our stance.

 

Just wishing that ppl would simply respect it, instead of trying to force us to change our minds.

[Tammyla]

Forgive does not = trust.

 

The victims deserve your support not the abuser. You mil...geeze:ack2: sharing pic's of you kids...is so far out of line.

 

Stay away Imp...very, very far away.

 

 

 

 

Ugh, ugh, ugh!

 

Wolf has chosen, and has my full agreement, to have absolutely nothing to do w/his uncle.

 

His uncle is convicted of m*lesting his dds. Plea bargined, but frankly, we don't care what the actual guilty plea was, we know he's a freakin s*x offender.

 

WHY is it so hard to understand, and respect the boundary of, "We have no contact, and wish to have no contact or information about this person."?

 

I don't CARE how sick he is at the moment. I don't care if he and his wife and MIL are at odds.

 

Don't. Care.

 

If Wolf's aunt can't respect this, and stop w/the commentary, she's going to find her emails blocked.

[gardenmom5]

Yeah. Not having anything to do w/him, I don't care if that makes us 'not as Christian'.

 

The aunt in the OP isn't the one married to this creepazoid. Just to clarify.

 

guess those who complain you aren't christian somehow must have missed Jesus commenting whomsover harmed a little one 'twould be better they were drowned in the depths of the sea.

 

It's one thing to forgive - It's an entirely *different* thing to put one's children in harms way by so much as allowing them to have any relationship with a known pediophile. (they don't change)

stick to your guns imp.

[Impish]

Honestly, I think what ticks MIL and Aunt off is that it denies them a source of attention.

 

They can't whine to us about creepazoid's health, or (in the case of aunt) running to his side (at least 16 hr drive for her), or be the first to breathlessly update about bad news.

 

And knowing how well this aunt and MIL get along (aunt cannot stand MIL) I know she wants us to try and get MIL to behave. Like that's remotely possible :lol: She's tattling on MIL's behaviour to us.

 

So not our problem.

 

I've no doubt that when creepazoid croaks, we'll be in for another round of, "No, we're not" in terms of attending funeral, etc. MIL already had a hissy when we refused to go to creepazoid's wedding anniversary.

 

They just don't get it. MIL actually said at one point that we could just not leave the kids alone w/him...after attempting to convince me that he's not a danger at all, he'd never touch my kids.

 

Uh...if he'd do that to his own dds, no child is safe, imo.

[brett_ashley]

I don't understand the danger in hearing about this person's medical condition or death from a third party?

[gardenmom5]

Thanks for the responses.

 

Dealing w/this family, you start to question your sanity sometimes.

 

I know part of it is the aunt wants us to ride herd on MIL, to make her behave.

 

*snort*

 

maybe you should share some links on NPD with said aunt. ;) maybe then she can "ride herd on mil". :lol:

[gardenmom5]

They just don't get it. MIL actually said at one point that we could just not leave the kids alone w/him...after attempting to convince me that he's not a danger at all, he'd never touch my kids.

 

 

and people wonder how this can go on in people's own homes for years . . . with women like these to support them . . . . . (they don't deserve to be mother's as they stand by and allow this to happen to children.)

 

I don't understand the danger in hearing about this person's medical condition or death from a third party?

You don't have any toxic/NPD people in your family, do you?

 

at the very least, it is very stressful - as the person DOING the "telling" expects you to drum up sympathy :nopity:for this person. some people are toxic - and must be cut off. It's not just the physical presence, but everything about them.

 

It would be okay if it was just a "___ died", but what you DO get is a "___ died, the funeral is ___and we expect you to be there." constantly until the funeral. then after the funeral you constantly hear about you're not showing your respects, what a horrible person you are, etc for MONTHS. (I did NOT have a grave dance to the tune of "ding dong the wicked witch is dead" . . . . but I thought about it;)),

Edited February 20, 2012 by gardenmom5

[Impish]

I don't understand the danger in hearing about this person's medical condition or death from a third party?

It's not about dangerous information.

 

It's about us setting boundaries and not having them respected.

 

It's about us not wanting anything to do w/this creep, and refusing to be sucked in in any way, shape, or form.

 

We've made it very clear that we want NOTHING to do w/him or his wife.

 

Ime, it's never just about information...there's always the rider of, "this is going on, now you need to do that..." scenario.

 

Easiest way to not get sucked into it is by refusing to hear anything.

[Catwoman]

It's not about dangerous information.

 

It's about us setting boundaries and not having them respected.

 

It's about us not wanting anything to do w/this creep, and refusing to be sucked in in any way, shape, or form.

 

We've made it very clear that we want NOTHING to do w/him or his wife.

 

Ime, it's never just about information...there's always the rider of, "this is going on, now you need to do that..." scenario.

 

Easiest way to not get sucked into it is by refusing to hear anything.

 

You are doing the right thing by refusing to get sucked in to the drama. If there was ever a good reason for cutting off contact with someone, this is it.

 

Good for you.

[SKL]

How could anyone expect the victim of molestation to want her children to have a relationship with her molestor?

 

Someone close to me had this situation. Her children never met their grandfather (who is now deceased). She mentioned that she hoped he didn't happen by in his old age / feebleness, because she had no intention of letting him into her house. I think it was a relief when he died.

 

Sorry if this sounds cold. He did it to himself. Forgiveness is one thing; letting the person into one's life is another.

[Catwoman]

You mil...geeze:ack2: sharing pic's of you kids...is so far out of line.

 

:iagree:

 

Words cannot even describe my feelings about that. It is beyond creepy to think that he may have pictures of your kids, but the idea that your MIL showed him the photos is absolutely beyond sickening to me. :cursing:

 

It makes me sick when I hear about women enabling these perverts and "forgiving" them.

[Impish]

How could anyone expect the victim of molestation to want her children to have a relationship with her molestor?

 

Someone close to me had this situation. Her children never met their grandfather (who is now deceased). She mentioned that she hoped he didn't happen by in his old age / feebleness, because she had no intention of letting him into her house. I think it was a relief when he died.

 

Sorry if this sounds cold. He did it to himself. Forgiveness is one thing; letting the person into one's life is another.

MIL is willingly to grudgingly concede they have reason to keep their kids away from creepazoid...it's that they won't allow his wife to be around the grandkids either that really boggles her.

:iagree:

 

Words cannot even describe my feelings about that. It is beyond creepy to think that he may have pictures of your kids, but the idea that your MIL showed him the photos is absolutely beyond sickening to me. :cursing:

 

It makes me sick when I hear about women enabling these perverts and "forgiving" them.

We found out by accident. She gets so wrapped up in telling stories to whomever to make herself sound so wonderful that she seems to forget who she's talking to.

 

She couldn't understand why we were upset. She was given a choice of either respecting our wishes, or never getting pics of the kids again.

 

This is the same woman that brought creepazoid to see their sister whose in a locked ward w/dementia.

 

MIL called to brag how sister no longer remembered that she hated the creepazoid, and why, and how they had a lovely visit.

 

That sister could have become so upset that she ended up chemically/physically restrained didn't matter to MIL. It was about her being 'right'.

[scrapbabe]

It's not about dangerous information.

 

It's about us setting boundaries and not having them respected.

 

It's about us not wanting anything to do w/this creep, and refusing to be sucked in in any way, shape, or form.

 

We've made it very clear that we want NOTHING to do w/him or his wife.

 

Ime, it's never just about information...there's always the rider of, "this is going on, now you need to do that..." scenario.

 

Easiest way to not get sucked into it is by refusing to hear anything.

 

I sooooo get this! I could've written all of your posts on this topic. Cutting all ties is the easiest way. It's not all about safety.... its toxicity!