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Found 14 results

  1. Let's say someone close to you lashed out at you and was really mean and hurtful, but you suspected it was because they were hurting about something that had nothing to do with you, do you let it go or do you still expect an apology? I tried posting my situation on there the other day like 3 times and each time it didn't post so I'm taking it as a sign not to bother. :lol: But I'm really struggling with this. Long story short, my sister got really upset with me over something absolutely ridiculous and was being very unreasonable. My sister and I don't fight (only because I'm sick of doing it with her so I've just learned to keep my mouth shut), but we got into a big one the other day. I kept telling her to take her frustrations out on someone else because I didn't deserve it. I suspected her behavior was from her being upset about our mom moving out-of-state (she's close with our mom, I'm not) and the fact that our mom's new boyfriend proposed to our mom in front of my sister. My sister isn't one to act hurt or upset, but I'm sure she could be by all of this which is why I was just letting her lash out at me until she just started getting to my breaking point. I told my sister basically to knock it off and she wouldn't. She kept going on and on. Finally I told her if she didn't stop she'd be right where our my is with me (basically a non-existent relationship). She told me to threaten her and said good-bye to me and that was it. We haven't spoken now in almost a week. My sister and I are both stubborn so I don't see either one of us making the first move, but I don't feel I should be the one to apologize in any way, shape, or form because I just sat there and took it from her when it wasn't deserved. I tried ending the conversation several times and she kept it going. I warned her and it apparently sent her over the edge. My DH sees both sides, as do I. She's hurting, I'm sure. But why take it out on me? And am I just suppose to let her say mean and hurtful things to me and then act like we're fine?? I'm hurting now, too. WWYD in a situation like this?
  2. For those who followed my post regarding my older sister's request for rent money, here is a quick update: Brother and younger sister have agreed to pay two month's rent, however my older sister will receive a "proposition" tomorrow: 1. She must finish her semester and do well. 2. She must get a day job (she takes night classes). 3. She must allow my brother to be involved in helping her with her finances (in other words, the money she earns is to go into savings). 4. She must allow her 4yo son to have a visit with his cousins in AZ until this semester is done. I think Phoenix would freeze over before she would agree to #4, not because she disagrees with my parenting (she actually does not at all disagree with it) but because of the religion thing. So what it has come down to is that she will either take us up on our proposition or she will move in with a man she found on Craigslist who wants a "friend with benefits" to move in, help raise his children, and provide...um..."benefits". I fully expect my sister to take her son and move in with this man rather than agree to what we have proposed. :( This is a horrible situation. One thing that I never expected is that my younger sister and I are talking amicably after not speaking to/seeing each other since 2006. The hatred she has felt toward me all these years was so horrible I cut her out of my life. We have now spent 5 hours talking on the phone and it has been amazing! Even more amazing is that she herself suggested that I take my nephew. For her to go from outspoken hatred of me to this is astonishing and if nothing else I am grateful that something good has come from this mess. Please, ladies, pray that my older sister will do the right thing. Oh, and my brother found out my mom is marrying an 84-year old man and moving to NJ. My brother has declared that he will "divorce" my mom from his life and never see or speak to her again if she goes through with this. Sigh...I suppose the family drama never ends, does it? I swear, my family needs a reality TV show.
  3. We had a horrible argument with DH's father and stepmother this summer that we really haven't recovered from. I'm dreading the upcoming holidays because of it. I have tried to reconcile and explain things but they believe we are trying to keep them away from the grandkids. We aren't, but their behavior was so bad this summer it actually gave my youngest daughter nightmares. (She is super-sensitive.) We know they are coming to Thanksgiving dinner at our house because they have sent an email to DH saying they are coming. (We hadn't invited them yet because neither of us wanted to call and talk with them). They may or may not make a scene at Thanksgiving. They made a short one last year, yelling at me about not coming to visit them with the grandkids. (Afterwards I did schedule a trip which was when all the drama/disaster of the summer started). This set of grandparents loves to tell Bible stories to the kids. They have been enthusiastic (and fairly recent) church-goers and teach a kids Sunday School class. They do a good job and I know they are proud of their success in church. However, when they tell Bible stories at family get-togethers, I have 3 other sets of grandparents waiting (im)patiently so they can all go back to talking with everyone. Our house is too small for people to go elsewhere so everyone watches/listens to the story. We've asked them to wait until the other grandparents leave but they feel that we're ashamed to have others see/hear Bible stories being told in our house. (They also feel that we're upset with them for being Christian. I have no clue why they feel this way.) After this summer, I consider the whole Bible story act to be just that, an act. I consider them to be hypocrites and our values are different. Additionally, the Bible stories are geared towards the classes they teach, 3 year old kids. My youngest will be 8 in December. The girls always know the answers to the questions they ask (thank goodness). I've thought about having the girls put on a show of some sort (they love to sing, etc) or even tell a Bible story themselves (not that I would have a clue as to which one they could tell) to shift things. I've invited a few more people this year (my brother who cannot find a job and has now lost unemployment and his family) and I'd rather all the kids do something rather than two grandparents tell a story to my kids (the other kids usually wander off). Any suggestions? I think they're going to be mad at me about something anyway, so I may as well have the day go like I want rather than trying to be nice and STILL being in the doghouse. I want us to move away from Bible stories during holiday family get-togethers. I know it sounds rotten, but I have everyone over for just a couple of hours. For the record, we are Christian (though a couple members of our extended family are Jewish) but we don't attend church.
  4. What do I do now? I have no hard feelings towards her, and my ex lives with her and his father, so my son is with them every other week. She is close to my son. When I first divorced my ex she whouldn't speak to me for at least a year, even if I was IN her house dropping off my son. But she has mellowed, and is sweet to me when I see her, and asks about my other kids, loves seeing them, etc. But, she has a tendency towards hurt feelings and some drama with her family (she and her son in law are never in the same place at the same time by mutual agreement), etc. Do I do this??? How weird! Although, I'm already friends with her daughter, my ex SIL, which has been fine. still..weird!
  5. just a vent. I posted about my family dramas earlier this year. As a result of those events, my immediate family (self, hubs, and kids) are not in contact with my side of the family (live away) and are in strained relationships with his family (7 blocks away). I just do not know what to do anymore. My kids are suffering. They don't (really) understand what happened and want us all to live happy lives together. That is impossible and isn't up for debate. I have even thought about opening up lines of communication with these people (well, my family really), but that simple thought sends my brain into fight or flight mode- literally. I can feel my arms get this tense warm feeling like I'm preparing to be attacked. Sounds crazy, right? I just feel so sorry for my kids. I've been reading all the "kids christmas gifts" threads and, while I honestly don't care about the amount of presents my children get, I feel sorry that my kids don't have all those extended loved ones around them. I'm sure my husband is sick of hearing about it (although he always offers a listening ear). that is all.
  6. OMG My sister passed away March 5 after a two week long battle with cancer. Yes, two weeks- she was obese and her kidneys shut down. It was horrible. Our family was traumatized. My parents have been gone for 12 and 15 years, respectively, and I was very close to my (only) sister. My BIL never left my sister's side when she was in the hospital, never even went home to shower. My brother in law, who was married to my sister for 32 years, (2 grown kids) told me after two months that he was "dating." Now he's officially engaged to this woman. She knows all about my sister, knows how long she's been gone, and she's ok with it. She says she "thanks God every day that (my sister) made BIL the man he is today." Ugh. What kind of woman dates a man who's wife has been dead for two months? What the heck? Am I going crazy or is this all as crazy as it sounds??? My daughter, who always has been very close to my sister and BIL is totally freaked out and doesn't want to see BIL anymore, but I can't just write him off- he is like my own brother, which is apparently why he makes sure to tell me all this stuff. But for Goodness sake!!! She was my SISTER! This is my SISTER'S husband, and my sister's family! Who gets married 8 months after his wife of 32 years dies?? How can he think I would be okay with this? What am I supposed to do? Go to dinner and meet this woman who's taking my sister's place, make nice, and try not to cry the whole time? Am I supposed to attend the wedding? I spent all day crying yesterday, I don't know how to handle this at all. What do you think? What would you do? I am completely freaked out. I understand that he's running away, on the rebound, whatever you want to say, but what am I supposed to do? Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Thanks for letting me vent. :confused:
  7. This might be long and involves some drama but here goes. My sister is planning on a trip to Hawaii with her beau and his family. My nephew was not invited so he'll be staying home with my mom for about a week. I think the tentative timeframe is a week in January. I'm not certain. I worry about my mom and nephew. She's in the final stages of COPD and he is only going on 7. I would like to go up there while my sister is gone to visit with my mom and nephew. I have to talk with dh to see if he would rather drive up as a family so all three of our boys can hang with Gma or if he'd be willing to let me go solo. Here is my dilemma: I don't want my sister to know because I don't want her changing her plans. I'd like for the visit to just be my mom, nephew, and myself (or my family). Am I being reasonable or selfish? I get tired of my mom and sis constantly pow wowing and acting like my dh can just go along with things. I don't drive so I would have to take a bus or the train as I won't fly. I'd consider taking one of the older two if DH was up for that. I just don't know which one. My first inclination in that case would be Dragon because he and my nephew are closest in age.
  8. Warning: this is a long story. My brother and his wife (who is from another country) got married in 1981. A few weeks after the wedding my parents discovered bro & sil were angry with them, esp. with my mother, for "snubbing" my sil's parents. There was a language barrier and only two people to translate. My parents are kind, gracious people and did the best they could. They did not know they were expected to "wine and dine" sil's parents, who stayed in this country for a couple of weeks in the city where bro & sil lived, two hours away from my parents. (In hind sight I think this was an excuse...they were looking for a reason to detach from our family.) My parents tried to talk to my brother and his wife and make things right, but nothing they said or did was the right thing. The next year my brother and his wife moved a few hundred miles away. My brother came to our grandmas' funerals (his wife did not) but they did not come to my sister's wedding in 1987, which hurt her deeply. They did come to my wedding four years before that, which is the LAST TIME I have seen my sister-in-law!!! We have a large, close, extended family, and when relatives visited my brother's state, they would make plans to get together. At the last minute, my brother would always call and give an excuse why they couldn't make it. My husband and I were visiting a nearby city and planned to see my brother, who insisted that he and his wife would come to our hotel. I KNEW he would call and cancel at the last minute, so we drove to their city in the morning and when I knocked on his door, he was very upset, almost paranoid looking. He kept the chain on the door until I finally convinced him to come outside and talk to me. His wife was sleeping. I asked if we could take them to lunch later, but no, that wouldn't work. It's the last time I talked to saw him in person. 1987. A few years later, tragically, our sister committed suicide. She had clinical depression. The day after her funeral, my brother called me very late at night. His number was unlisted, and in trying to contact him about our sister, I had called his wife's sister (who lived in their city). He was returning my call and explaining why he did not come to the funeral. His voice was cold and devoid of emotion, very weird sounding. Apparently the last time he'd been here, after one of our grandma's funerals, he claimed my parents "made him" take a bunch of her furniture. (We were going through grandma's house and they were asking us what we might like to have. He kept saying "ok".) My dad rented him a U-Haul, and on his way home he had a blowout and almost had a wreck. Even though it was EIGHT YEARS later, he was still mad and blaming my dad!!! I told him, I'm very sorry you had a blowout, but that was no one's fault! Then I told him I was sorry for not writing or sending photos of our kids. He told me, don't call me, don't call my relatives, and don't write or send any photos. I said, "Never???" He said, "Well, I won't say never ever." Then, a big, awkward, deafening silence. I said, "Well, I guess this is goodbye." When I hung up I was crying so hard I was shaking. (We had just buried my sister so of course I was emotional!) I called my dad, who was still awake, and he talked to me, gave me soothing, calming words and affirmed his love for me. He told me not to let brother's craziness get to me. When my grandma was alive, she said (about his wife), "Some people just don't like to share." SO TRUE. She didn't want to share him with us, for whatever reason. It threatened her??? I don't think he has many, perhaps not any, friends, though he is a professional with a good job. My brother has always been highly impressionable and easily swayed. I think she has totally taken advantage of this, but I doubt he can see it. They have wrapped themselves in a cocoon of bitterness and dug themselves into a hole so deep they cannot see light. I was very hurt by our last conversation, but I refuse to be bitter the way he is. He is NOT well, emotionally. When our mother died a few years ago, we had no number for him and had to contact the police to notify him. He did not send a card or acknowledge her passing in any way. A few weeks later I wrote him a long letter explaining Mom's illness and final years. He wrote back three sentences, basically: "We received your letter. Please accept sincere condolences from both of us. We hope you are doing well." (very strange sounding, considering she was HIS mother, too!!) I was shocked he wrote at all. Maybe I am crazy, but I keep wanting to write to him again, and send photos of his nieces and nephews (see in my sig line) whom he does not know. He saw the oldest two when they were very little, and she has not seen any of them! Is this nuts or what??? I am not expecting anything from him, but I'm seeking some kind of closure. If I write and he does not answer, I will let it lie after that. Opinions? What would you do??? Am I crazy??? Sorry so long.
  9. Not sure anyone will remember the thread I started last month. Basically Dh parents would not come to watch our Dc at the local county fair competing with their dogs. Dogs are their sport the way that soccer or baseball are for some. In laws attend many of the cousins' games. Anyway Dh called his mom back and told her he thought she should change her hair appointment and she and his dad should be there. It is the most local show they can attend and requires less time and hassle than any other agility trial or show Dc compete in. They did not come, did not call to see how Dc did. Two of the local breeders Dd works with came and stayed the entire time. Dh has a photo of them with Dd and is calling them the replacement grandma & grandpa:lol: Fast forward. Dh parents have not called since and I assume they are angry with him. He talked to his sister (who was initially giving him a very chilly reception) on the phone this weekend to see if they decided to come visit at al this summer and found out they were here visiting for a week starting a couple of days after the fair ended. MIL never called to tell us or invite us for dinner as she usually does. We missed out on the entire visit and Dc did not get to see their cousin. AND MIL told them we knew they were coming! Well, uh, yes, we knew they were coming sometime this summer, but none of the particulars. Dh was able to explain to his sister and I think he has that ironed out pretty well. BUT, now Dh is really angry with his parents. He is not telling them we are going on vacation tomorrow even though this spring he did mention to them the possibility that they might come with us. I'm not forcing the issue b/c, frankly, I want to relax and not deal with Dh and his parents being cold and pretending around the kids. My Dc are hurt by the fact that their grandparents do not care even enough to call and see how they did. Dd was champion in showmanship, reserve in rally obedience, and got a 2nd place in her class for agility. Ds was champion in Rally, reserve in showmanship (lost to his sister). This was Dd's first year competing with her puppy who she has worked very hard to train this year. They missed her shining moments and beaming smiles. I usually try to calm Dh down on these things, but the truth is I'm having a hard time looking at the big picture and smoothing things over (I'll come around to it eventually). I do feel a little guilty for suggesting he call back and ask them a 2nd time---I'm not going to do that again. I am, however, flabergasted that MIL choose to cause more problems even within extended family by not inviting us and telling SIL that we knew she was there and choose not to visit! Anyone BTDT? Words of wisdom you'd care to share?
  10. Old thread is here The gist was that my teen was being "socialized" in an entirely unacceptable way, and that she had been offered admission to a gifted residential school but no longer wanted to go because of these attachments to kids at her old school that were not good. So...it took over a month of being home this summer and a lot of strife to "see our girl" again. Seriously. We hardly recognized her after the last half of last year. It was very unpleasant. After a month or so, our girl began acting like herself again. She was unable to contact these "friends" because she broke her phone (not sad!). She was restricted on computer for awhile too, due to behavioral issues. Anyway in the last few weeks, I had my sweet girl back, and we started enjoying each other's company again. She got her AP scores back ( a 5 and a 4, two consecutive days!), and finally realized that a more rigorous school might benefit her. After a bunch of fun shopping for clothes and dorm stuff, we took her this week. The faculty and parents were awesome, and the other kids seemed awesome too, totally different from the school from which she came. She had two friends by the first night. My younger kid, who helped with move in said he totally wants to go here now and is going to work extremely hard his freshman and sophomore years so he can get admitted too!:D I miss her, but so far, it was the right decision! Pray for us. It's hard to let your kid go and completely take over her own life, especially at 15. Thanks!
  11. GAH!!! It's come to my attention, that certain family members, who shall remain unnamed :glare: have been criticizing me behind my back. Specifically, talking about how poor Boo isn't nursed like my other kids, but on formula...and how I must not love him like I loved my others. The fact that I have RSD, am on meds that aren't compatible w/nursing, that I cannot be up at all hrs (lack of sleep sends pain through the roof) have pain levels that sideline me completely...all of which means that it was better for everyone that he's on formula. He's happy, he's thriving, he's growing...but apparently SOME ppl need something to criticize and put me down about. The fact that yes, it bothered me not to nurse him, that it was a hard decision to make doesn't occur to anyone...but I had to do what was best for all of us, which includes medication for whatever relief from pain it can provide. Apparently, not 'toughing it out for the sake of the baby' means I'm a crappy mother, selfish, and didn't really want him. It's a VERY good thing for some ppl that they aren't supposed to be seeing us anytime soon. I might just rip their face off.
  12. Ugh, ugh, ugh! Wolf has chosen, and has my full agreement, to have absolutely nothing to do w/his uncle. His uncle is convicted of m*lesting his dds. Plea bargined, but frankly, we don't care what the actual guilty plea was, we know he's a freakin s*x offender. WHY is it so hard to understand, and respect the boundary of, "We have no contact, and wish to have no contact or information about this person."? I don't CARE how sick he is at the moment. I don't care if he and his wife and MIL are at odds. Don't. Care. If Wolf's aunt can't respect this, and stop w/the commentary, she's going to find her emails blocked.
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