Kids turning 18; equal treatment re cars

[RoughCollie]

My boys will be 18 in 2 months. I have been trying to figure out whether this changes anything in several respects, and I would very much appreciate some advice. All the kids will continue to live at home. We rent a house in a rural area, surrounded by dairy farms. Having transportation is essential. There are no houses big enough for our family that are available to rent around here, so no chance of moving to town. Jobs are in such short supply that my boys have been told by every place there is an opening that the businesses only hire those who are 18 or older, and I have verified that to be true.

 

Background:

 

DS1 will graduate in May. He attended PS in 9th grade, so had no problems when we moved here.

 

DS2 will be in 11th grade in PS next year for reasons beyond his control. He is a year behind because he had to repeat the 9th grade when he went to PS because he was homeschooled during it. He is another year behind due illness. He will graduate in 2014.

 

DS3 will be in 12th grade next year because he was homeschooled in 9th grade. He will graduate in 2013. He attends cyber-school PS.

 

DD will be in 12th grade next year. She will graduate in 2013 from the local PS.

 

The car situation.

 

DS1 will be attending a college that is a 30-minute drive from home. DH uses one of our 12 year old cars to go to work. The other is my car, and it is an SUV that gets 10 miles to the gallon. DS1 will use 3-4 gallons of gas per day to get to and from school.

 

So, when he graduates, I am thinking of getting him a car that is well-rated for safety and gas mileage. It will be a graduation gift. He can use it to get to school and to work.

 

He proved last year that he does not have the self-discipline to handle taking internet classes, so that is not an option.

 

But what about treating the kids equally?

 

I have three other kids who would like to have a car. Originally, I was going to buy one car and have them share it, with going to school or work being a priority use. When I floated that idea, every kid was against it. I do not want to live in a house in which four teenagers constantly argue about who gets to use the kids' car.

 

I figure the other kids can use the SUV if they want to go anywhere, except that none of them will use it to drive to the high school without a darned good reason due to the high cost of gas.

 

I anticipate outcries of unfairness if we give DS1 a car. I think that is unwarranted b/c DS1 will have graduated, and he will be using the car to get to school and work.

 

BUT I cannot guarantee that we will be able to afford to buy the other kids a car when they graduate. DH is self-employed and factors due to the recession diminished our income by 65%. The money for DS1's car is coming from a windfall, not from our usual income, and that windfall is not large enough to put aside savings for any more cars. Our cars being 12 years old, I have to anticipate replacing them in the foreseeable future.

 

I do not want to emotionally harm my kids (we love DS1 more than them).

 

I welcome your comments and advice.

 

Thank you,

RC

Edited January 23, 2012 by RoughCollie

[fairfarmhand]

perhaps a 3rd "family" car that gets good mileage for the teens to use or for you to even run up to the store in.

 

Ds goes to college in it, but other kids can drive to school/work in it too at times. Priority goes to the person who has furthest to drive since gas is expensive. Kids who go optional places (mall, movie, anything but school/work./home) must pay x dollars per mile. If you want to give out discretionary mileage for "fun" stuff, do it once a month or weekly so they can learn to budget their mileage.

 

There...that is the best I could do.

 

HTH

[coffeegal]

DS1 will be attending a college that is a 30-minute drive from home. DH uses one of our 12 year old cars to go to work. The other is my car, and it is an SUV that gets 10 miles to the gallon. DS1 will use 3-4 gallons of gas per day to get to and from school.

 

So, when he graduates, I am thinking of getting him a car that is well-rated for safety and gas mileage. It will be a graduation gift. He can use it to get to school and to work.

 

But what about treating the kids equally?

 

I have three other kids who would like to have a car. Originally, I was going to buy one car and have them share it, with going to school or work being a priority use. When I floated that idea, every kid was against it. I do not want to live in a house in which four teenagers constantly argue about who gets to use the kids' car.

 

I figure the other kids can use the SUV if they want to go anywhere, except that none of them will use it to drive to the high school without a darned good reason due to the high cost of gas.

 

I anticipate outcries of unfairness if we give DS1 a car. I think that is unwarranted b/c DS1 will have graduated, and he will be using the car to get to school and work.

 

BUT I cannot guarantee that we will be able to afford to buy the other kids a car when they graduate.

 

Thank you,

RC

 

My suggestion would be to purchase the 3rd car but NOT give it to any 1 child. Next year (2013-2014) you will potentially have 3 children needing transportation to college. I would say the 3rd car is your car and ONLY for transportation to college or work. The children can use a sign-up sheet for use of a car for any other purpose. Give DS 1 a graduation gift you can afford to give all the others. :grouphug: It's a rough situation.

[MamaAkins]

What about purchasing one used car and allowing the children to "rent it?" Ie....if your ds1 wants to use it to get a job and get back and forth to college classes, then he can contribute financially toward the car. You could, in turn, use that money to put towards another car in the future.

 

Or, you could buy one used car and allow each child to use it for free for one year (or six months). While one used the car, he or she would save money and would then use their own money to buy their own transportation.

 

Or, you could take the money that you were planning to use for this car and divide it equally among the kids. They can then find a way to save additional money and purchase their own cars.....or they may decide to pool their money back together and share one car. Either way, it would take you and your dh out of the equation.

[J-rap]

I vote for getting a third, "family" car, and letting your child at community college have priority to use it since he'll need it to get to school. How do the other kids get to PS? On the bus? For special PS events they could use another family car, or use the third car with better mileage in the evenings and on weekends.

[justasque]

Originally, I was going to buy one car and have them share it, with going to school or work being a priority use. When I floated that idea, every kid was against it.

 

I think this is the best option. You buy a third car, it is officially YOU and HUBBIE's car, and you decide who can use it and when. Create a calendar on which to schedule the car. Create a system whereby miles are logged and gas money assessed accordingly, if need be. Subsidize where appropriate, if needed.

 

If an when you can afford additional cars, they can be gifted to children as appropriate.

 

Explain to the kids that the use of a car 1/4 of the time is better than no car at all, which is what they'd have otherwise.

[Mommyof4ks]

I would just say that you are getting a 3rd family car to make life easier now that everyone has places to go. The person who has the furthest to go (you, dh, kids, whoever) gets to use the car with the best gas mileage, the next furthest uses the one with next best gas mileage, and so on. That makes it a family car not belonging to anyone, and if they do not like that arrangement, then they can start a business or something to buy themselves a car. ;) That is our plan, because there is no way we can buy each of our kids a car, pay for insurance on those cars, pay for gas for those cars, and so on. Carpooling is a great way to work on team work, save on gas, and a whole host of other lessons.

 

There is no reason for the kids to fight over the car. They are not entitled to a car bought with your money. If they really want a car, then they will find a creative way to obtain one, otherwise they can get along or just stay home. Yep, I'm a mean mom lol.

[CalicoKat]

My dad bought an inexpensive car the grown kids in college who needed it for school & work. He said that he'd pay the insurance on it and we'd pay the gas.

 

The number one rule was that we'd figure out the schedule for who got to drive it on which days.

 

Rule #2 was that if you drove it you filled the tank.

 

Rule #3 if you got it in an accident then you'd have to start paying for the insurance.

 

Rul #4 If you can't fix a flat, you can't drive it. We're and all girl family, pre-cell phone era. :D Sooooooooo there was a tire rotating class with Dad before he handed over the key.

 

"The Buggy" was not beautiful.

 

We were not allowed to drive my folk's cars. Dad had a truck. Mom drove a sedan. IF you did they were in the car.

[Cera]

I would buy a third car for the family. First priority for use of the car is going to college classes, second priority is going to work. If anybody wants to use it for leisure activities they can ask you just as they would if they wanted to use your SUV or your dh's car.

 

Offer a set amount of money toward a graduation gift that you can match for each child.

[Annie G]

I think it's reasonable to get a 3rd family car and sit ALL the kids down and tell them you're not sure how it's going to work yet. You're going to have to see how schedules work out, and whether the kids will need to use that car. And give it a semester to see how it works. It seems as if the college kid can probably get a campus job to contribute to the care and feeding of the car. But that doesn't mean it just has to be HIS car. Each to his ability and all...

[DarlaS]

If they're mature enough to drive, they are mature enough to understand their parents cannot suddenly purchase and insure four cars for four teens.

 

Buy a third car, and the kid who needs it for college obviously gets dibs on those days. I can't see how they would expect any different? :confused:

 

I would handle future transportation needs in the future. Sounds like only one will be graduating this year.

[Susan C.]

All family cars (2) are available for use. Ds goes to the local college and uses my car. There is no bus system here. Dd will get her license soon and need a car to go to the same local college next year. Dh just lost his day job, but is working at home. That actually put another car in the driveway, but lowered our income... so we probably can't get the 3rd car. So in the very near future, there will be four drivers needing the use of two cars. I take people and pick them up when I need a car. We work it out. If there isn't a car available for the kids, then they can either have someone pick them up or they can stay home. If they need to get to work or school, then that is priority and they either get a car or get a ride from me.

[Tap]

We don't have 4 kids so close in age, but what we did:

 

 

We bought a 3rd family car. We told ds that we would pay his first year of insurance because he would be using it for getting to school. We would also pay a reasonable amount of gasoline for going to school. ANY other running around would come out of his pocket, or he would need to find another way of getting around. We also told him, that if something happened to dh's or my car, that our needs would trump the kids needs. (Within reason of course)

 

We also warned him, that once dd13 is driving, she will be sharing the car. That may mean that if they are going the same way, one may need to go early or stay late to accommodate the other's schedule.

 

If they wanted complete control over the car, they needed to buy their own, pay insurance and gasoline.

 

If there is ever a battle over the car, I will revoke privileges and retain complete control over who gets to use it, when and how long.

 

 

I know it will be difficult to manage, but honestly if it becomes a problem in the future you could sell it.

 

 

 

I would not give the car to any one kid. No way, no how.

 

We did tell ds, that if he wanted to buy the car from us in the future, he could. We would then put that money toward a car for dd13. Put it must be paid in full, not payments!

[Scarlett]

What about purchasing one used car and allowing the children to "rent it?" Ie....if your ds1 wants to use it to get a job and get back and forth to college classes, then he can contribute financially toward the car. You could, in turn, use that money to put towards another car in the future.

 

Or, you could buy one used car and allow each child to use it for free for one year (or six months). While one used the car, he or she would save money and would then use their own money to buy their own transportation.

 

Or, you could take the money that you were planning to use for this car and divide it equally among the kids. They can then find a way to save additional money and purchase their own cars.....or they may decide to pool their money back together and share one car. Either way, it would take you and your dh out of the equation.

 

Since you don't anticipate being able to buy 4 cars, I wouldn't give ds1 the car. I would let him use it for a set period while he finds a way to get his own transportation and then move on to the next kid who needs it most for school.

[SpecialClassical]

I agree that it would be an emotional disaster to buy one child a car and not the others. I also agree that anyone going to college or a job gets priority use of the car.

 

The car should remain Mom and Dad's car and each child should begin saving for their own as soon as they are able to get a job. As one poster suggested, maybe you could estimate how long it would take to save for a car or you could say that by a child's 21st birthday, he/she should be able to purchase a car.

 

Managing the schedule for shared use might be a pain, but not as much a pain as explaining the gift of a car to only one child.

[happypamama]

I think I would buy one car that was good on gas mileage for now, and then determine who uses which car based on who's going where and when. Sometimes maybe it will make more sense for the kids to use your SUV and for you to use the new car, if they're going a short distance, and you need to go a longer one. (This is what DH and I do -- we have three vehicles and live 10+ miles from anywhere, so we figure out who needs to go the greatest distance and who needs to tote the most kids.) I'd have the kids contribute toward gas, insurance, and maintenance as feasible, based on how much they use it and for what purpose.

 

I would also probably plan, if possible, to buy a second vehicle in a year or two, especially if all of them are attending college several miles from home. (And/or look for rideshares!)

[Julie in CA]

Here's what would happen at my house:

 

We'd buy a 3rd car. Not pretty, and not nice. It would belong to dh and to me, and we'd allow the dc to use it, with precedence given to necessities of education & work.

 

I would expect my dc of driving age to be able to work through the logistics of determining who needs the car when. If a situation arose where they were unable to prioritize car use on their own, I'd expect them to bring the matter to my attention, but only as a last resort. My word on the matter would be final, and I'd expect to hear absolutely no dispute regarding my decision. Anyone who caused a dustup over the matter would need to buy their own car. Period. No fussing, ever!

 

ETA: I do understand where you are on this, so hugs to you! I have 3 with licenses, and one currently with a permit, but will have license in March.

Edited January 23, 2012 by Julie in CA

[Haiku]

I anticipate outcries of unfairness if we give DS1 a car.

 

Of course. Don't buy DS1 a car. Buy a third car. Its use is for those who have graduated high school and are driving to college/work. It doesn't belong to DS1. It belongs to you, and currently only DS qualifies to drive it.

 

Originally, I was going to buy one car and have them share it, with going to school or work being a priority use. When I floated that idea, every kid was against it.

 

Too bad, so sad. I guess they'd rather have no car full-time than a car part-time.

 

Tara

Edited January 23, 2012 by TaraTheLiberator

[amey311]

Will DS 1 be working or only going to college? Would it be possible for him to pay off a reasonable used car over the next year?

[Haiku]

The children can use a sign-up sheet for use of a car for any other purpose.

 

Good idea!

 

Tara

[jelbe5]

Just my humble opinion. Buy a third family car and you and DH dictate who uses it and when and how much $ they contribute. Adult kids are living under your roof and therefor must follow your rules and edicts. Period.

[Aelwydd]

I can't tell you what to do about the 4-teens-and-a-car conundrum. I can only tell you what I'd be planning to do if I was one of the kids, sizing up my competition.

 

And that would be to start applying for colleges with dorms, preferably colleges with public transportation! :D

[elegantlion]

Agree, buy the 3rd family car. You have my sympathies as well. However you do someone is bound to feel cheated.

 

My sister were 3 years apart. We had a family car that I drove after she went to college, then my parents gave it to her and I had to buy my own car. I was beyond miffed, even though it was horrid car, it was still a car.

[DarlaS]

I can't tell you what to do about the 4-teens-and-a-car conundrum. I can only tell you what I'd be planning to do if I was one of the kids, sizing up my competition.

 

And that would be to start applying for colleges with dorms, preferably colleges with public transportation! :D

 

I have one driver. He's already been in an accident (his fault--and he's my levelheaded one. :001_huh:) and another ds due to take driver's ed. this spring.

 

If I had FOUR? I think I'd probably start drinking. :tongue_smilie:

[Impish]

Of course. Don't buy DS1 a car. Buy a third car. Its use is for those who have graduated high school and are driving to college/work. It doesn't belong to DS1. It belongs to you, and currently only DS qualifies to drive it.

 

 

 

Too bad, so sad. I guess they'd rather have no car full-time than a car part-time.

 

Tara

:iagree:Yup.

 

They all object to sharing a car, then they obviously don't need one that badly.

 

I'd give them the choice...share, or walk.

[Carrie12345]

Since I have no experience with older teenagers, this may sound stupid, but you say you worry about having multiple teens fight over who gets to use the car.

 

When my younger kids fight over something, the fighters lose access to that something. Wanna complain about who chooses the next movie/show/game? Well, now you get nothing. No soup for you!

 

They've learned to take turns and vote without many arguments.

[Trish]

If you can't afford a car for the other kids (or think you won't be able to) then don't GIVE DS1 the car, buy it and let him use it. (after all, you don't know how long he will continue in college, or in that particular college, anyway). That way if needs change, another child can use the car, and you won't be "taking away" a gift you have given.

 

With the number of possible drivers/needs in this family, why limit an extra car to one kid for any reason whatsoever? Give him priority use. Or temporary sole use until the needs change.

[RoughCollie]

You all are geniuses!

 

Thank you so much for your advice. We will buy one car and parcel its use out according to need, priorities given to college and work.

 

CalicoKat, I love your rules. We will use them.

[Catwoman]

I think I'd probably start drinking. :tongue_smilie:

 

That is, quite possibly, the best possible solution for RC. It won't do a thing to help the car situation, but at least she won't care any more. ;)

[Impish]

That is, quite possibly, the best possible solution for RC. It won't do a thing to help the car situation, but at least she won't care any more. ;)

In that case, I can suggest some nifty Rx meds.

 

Even more effective than booze. No 'please kill me now, I wanna die' hangovers either :tongue_smilie:

[StephanieZ]

I would buy A CAR, and give it to ds1 for use for commuting to school, but make it clear that it is a third family car, not ds1's car.

 

ds1 would have the car for commuting to school. When he isn't at school, it would simply be a third family car, which you could lend to any of the kids as desired.

 

(A written schedule would probably be helpful!)

 

FWIW, my mom provided my borther and I cars all growing up, but they were not OUR CARS. When I graduated from COLLEGE, Mom gave me enough $ to either buy an OK used car, or to make a downpayment on a new car.