Teaching DDs about creepy guys

[Pegasus]

I need to go back and re-read "Protecting the Gift" as well as "The Gift of Fear."

 

During a recent shopping trip with DD15, I noticed a man hovering nearby. I didn't think much about it although I subconsciously noticed that he didn't really appear to be shopping, if that makes any sense. Several minutes later, I noticed him again as he was nearer my daughter and I was farther down the aisle. At this point, I looked him in the eye to let him know that I was watching him and kept my DD close to me until we left the store.

 

I feel like I missed a huge opportunity to teach my DD to be aware of the people around her. I still haven't said anything to her about the incident and she certainly didn't notice anything odd. What should I have done? I mean, I could have pointed him out and said "See that guy? He doesn't have a basket or buggy and nothing in his hands. He's not looking at the products on the shelves. He seems to be following you around the store. He may be harmless but all these are clues that he may be wanting to touch/harm you."

 

So, how do you teach your children to beware creepy people?

 

Pegasus

[regentrude]

I teach my DD that it is much more likely to be harmed by people you know than by random strangers. So, while it is obvious that you do not go with a stranger, that do not get into a car with a stranger, that you avoid deserted places, I am not concerned about seemingly creepy people at the mall - after all, what can happen in a public place?

I emphasize what to avoid with acquaintances:

- never get drunk. Most bad stuff happens in connection with alcohol.

- if attending parties, go with a friend and watch each other's back

- do not leave your drink unattended

- let somebody know of your whereabouts

- if something feels not right: leave. Trust the inner creep-o-meter. Do not be concerned about appearing impolite. Call your parents for a ride (or later a trusted friend). Even the friend of a friend it can be a creep.

-never get in the car with anybody who has been drinking

 

As to the guy at the mall: I can think of plenty of legitimate reasons he may have been there, without purchases, without looking at merchandise. Maybe he was waiting for *his* DD or friend to finally be done shopping.

[sheryl]

I teach my DD that it is much more likely to be harmed by people you know than by random strangers. So, while it is obvious that you do not go with a stranger, that do not get into a car with a stranger, that you avoid deserted places, I am not concerned about seemingly creepy people at the mall - after all, what can happen in a public place?

I emphasize what to avoid with acquaintances:

- never get drunk. Most bad stuff happens in connection with alcohol.

- if attending parties, go with a friend and watch each other's back

- do not leave your drink unattended

- let somebody know of your whereabouts

- if something feels not right: leave. Trust the inner creep-o-meter. Do not be concerned about appearing impolite. Call your parents for a ride (or later a trusted friend). Even the friend of a friend it can be a creep.

-never get in the car with anybody who has been drinking

 

As to the guy at the mall: I can think of plenty of legitimate reasons he may have been there, without purchases, without looking at merchandise. Maybe he was waiting for *his* DD or friend to finally be done shopping.

 

 

Those are all good points, but as I Mom I would be concerned about this. Do you remember Adam Walsh? Sure, he was only 5-8 years old, but he and his mother were in a dept store. She turned around to look at something only to find her son missing and what would end in his murder and a nightmare for the family.

 

This was a younger child and a boy. I hate it happens to boys or girls, but girls at any.age are vulnerable.

 

OP, imo I would sit your dd down and go over the scenario in a calm manner. You can "still" use it as a teaching tool.

 

I tell my dd that stalkers can be any: color, age, gender, professional, homeless, attractive, ugly, and the list goes on. A stalker "looks" many different ways.

[OrganicAnn]

I would begin by making sure that she is generally aware of her surroundings. Is she a dreamer or a practical girl? If you asked her where you parked the car, would she be able to find it or does she not pay attention. Once you know the personality type, then you know how much you'll need to do.

 

You could also sit at the food court and ask her who would concern her among the other people at tables.

 

But don't try to scare her. Just try to heighten her awareness.

[Lawana]

He could have even been an undercover security guy. They particularly look at girls around that age because that age/gender has a high rate of shoplifting.

:iagree:That was the first thing I thought of.

[Tammyla]

I read this as more of a grocery store shopping trip vs. a mall outing. I think you're instinct was on the money and would talk to dd about it now or wait for another on the spot opportunity.

 

There was a 19 y/old abducted, r@ped and killed from a Target not far from here. The man was on camera following her out of the store.

 

My dd is a people lover and pretty naive about older men leering at her, because in her mind it's an old man. We've had a number of talks about this, and I use any creep-alarm man as an example. Many times the man, looks pretty normal and harmless; he just gives out vibes.

 

I'm totally comfortable making someone uncomfortable or hurting the feelings of a stranger vs. the alternative. (Statistically I realize that many girls are victimized by people they know.)

 

I need to go back and re-read "Protecting the Gift" as well as "The Gift of Fear."

 

During a recent shopping trip with DD15, I noticed a man hovering nearby. I didn't think much about it although I subconsciously noticed that he didn't really appear to be shopping, if that makes any sense. Several minutes later, I noticed him again as he was nearer my daughter and I was farther down the aisle. At this point, I looked him in the eye to let him know that I was watching him and kept my DD close to me until we left the store.

 

I feel like I missed a huge opportunity to teach my DD to be aware of the people around her. I still haven't said anything to her about the incident and she certainly didn't notice anything odd. What should I have done? I mean, I could have pointed him out and said "See that guy? He doesn't have a basket or buggy and nothing in his hands. He's not looking at the products on the shelves. He seems to be following you around the store. He may be harmless but all these are clues that he may be wanting to touch/harm you."

 

So, how do you teach your children to beware creepy people?

 

Pegasus

[In the Rain]

I think you should ask her if she noticed the man. If she did, you can discuss your observations and suspicions. If she did not notice him, you have the perfect opportunity to address her lack of awareness and need to be attentive to her surroundings.

[ChristusG]

I would still bring it up and use it as a teaching experience.

 

I try to teach my girls to be cautious of their surroundings starting when they are young. And they see me stay cautious as well. Whenever we are getting into the car from shopping, especially at night if DH is not with us, they see me looking around as I load the car. I check my surroundings. If anyone walks by, I look them in the eye. If I see someone that makes me feel uncomfortable, my girls have seen me get into the van and close and lock the doors before I help buckle them into their car seats.

 

They have seen me check bathroom stalls in a secluded bathroom area. If the bathroom is vacant, but I see a locked stall with no feet underneath, I'll look through the crack of the door to be sure no one is in there.

 

I'm not paranoid, but I'm very cautious and safety oriented. And I hope to pass this onto my daughters as well. When they reach their teenage years, I'll start trying to be sure they are independently cautious instead of just relying on me to be cautious for them.

[Melissa in NC]

Several years ago, I was in Target getting a prescription filled. I took my young dd to the toy section while we waited and was creeped out by a guy who did not fit in. He was not with any family in the toy section and he was dressed funny. When I was picking up my prescription, the pharmacist asked if there was anything else, I mentioned the man to her. She immediately got on the phone to security.

 

He could have been innocent but I had no way of knowing what his intentions were. I am glad I mentioned it so security could check him out. They are trained to handle the situations.

[FO4UR]

Protecting the Gift has a good checklist of things to teach children.

 

Lots of bad things *can* happen in public. Creeps need privacy, the opportunity, and an exit. In public, there is usually a lack of privacy (which makes it pretty safe)...but creeps have a way of luring a victim away.

 

 

I teach mine #1 - Bad guys are afraid of getting caught. You are much safer if there are lots of people around. If you feel "off" about somebody, don't go anywhere alone with them. If you feel threatened, draw attention to yourself/the situation.

 

One of the biggest helps is not allowing fear of embarrassment to make a real fear foggy. We can be so afraid of being wrong that we don't act on an instinct. Even in this thread, there is doubt that the man meant any ill. The fact that your Mommy-Radar was blaring makes me 99.999% positive that there was, indeed, something off about that encounter.

[lauracolumbus]

Another thing...a public place can become a secluded place. I was in a park reading when a man came to the picnic table next to me. For whatever reason, I was suspicious, but also didn't want to appear paranoid. After a bit more, I noticed that no one was around us. As I got up to leave I put my keys between my fingers (this is what they taught way back when) to poke him in the eyes. As I got up to leave, he grabbed me from behind. I tried to scream, but he covered my mouth and tried to drag me back into a wooded area. Fortunately, my brothers used to beat the crap out of me when I was little and my immediate reaction was to fight back. I could easily imagine being so stunned (esp. if I hadn't been overly suspicious to begin with) that I would have been paralyzed w/fear. I was able to break away as a couple came running toward me (some of my screaming was actually heard). They caught the guy. He was out on parole for rape. It's the stuff of nightmares.

 

My dds are learning jui jitsu.

 

And Regenetude I think your list is great for general situations. I just wouldn't discount stranger danger in public places.

[Catwoman]

I am not concerned about seemingly creepy people at the mall - after all, what can happen in a public place?.

 

It worries me so much when I hear people say things like that. I think it is incredibly naive to assume that you are safe just because you are in a public place. At some point, you have to leave the store or the mall, and one of those creepy people could follow you and accost you in the parking lot. You can't assume that anyone in the parking lot will assist you in any way, because many people prefer not to get involved.

 

Sure, there are security cameras in the stores and in the parking lot, but they aren't monitored 24/7, so what good are they to you at the moment when someone is trying to drag you into his car or behind a dumpster?

 

I think it is very important to be aware of your surroundings at all times, and to teach our children to notice if the same person seems to be following them or paying too much attention to them or something just doesn't feel right about them, and how to handle the situation. It is also important to let them know that bad people don't necessarily look "creepy," but can look perfectly normal or attractive, so their behavior is more important than their appearance. I also think it is a good idea to tell your kids to trust their instincts. If they get a bad feeling about someone, take it seriously. It's better to have been careful and find out later that you were mistaken, than it is to have brushed off the feelings, only to realize too late that your instincts were right all along.

Edited January 14, 2012 by Catwoman

[MamaT]

My 14yo has had a couple of scary experiences with men approaching her, once in the mall and once in Walmart. She was walking a little ahead of her brother and I in the mall and two guys came up on either side of her and were "moving" her toward the door. They had no idea her 25yo brother was right behind her. Mall security came to "break up the fight" and took them away after they got the whole story.

 

In Walmart she was looking at the make-up while I was an aisle over and a man actually came at her saying inappropriate things. She ran (with him chasing her) to the lady behind the jewelry counter who called security. They escorted him away.

 

So you do have to teach them to be aware that there are creeps like that out there and trust your instincts. I also think regentrude's list is good.

[FO4UR]

It worries me so much when I hear people say things like that. I think it is incredibly naive to assume that you are safe just because you are in a public place. At some point, you have to leave the store or the mall, and one of those creepy people could follow you and accost you in the parking lot. You can't assume that anyone in the parking lot will assist you in any way, because many people prefer not to get involved.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

I was almost attacked in a parking lot. I noticed some off things...a guy picking up trash with one of those big pointy sticks, a guy just sitting in a car with a hoodie over his face, etc...I went to this store frequently so it sent off my radar b/c I had never seen people clean the parking lot with those sticks before.

 

As I left the store, I went to the side of my van to unload my groceries and as I was reaching for the door handle THERE WAS THAT GUY at the corner of my van. I shouted "Excuse me sir. Could you come and help me." across the parking lot to a different man who was just there to shop. By the time the nice man got to me, the bad guy was gone. I just told him I needed someone to stand there while I unloaded my groceries. When I was finished loading my groceries, I thanked him and he went on his way. As I was pulling out, I noticed that car next to me...a guy with a hoodie hiding his face. I have NO DOUBTS that I was intended to be taken away in that car. It was about 2 weeks later that a woman was abducted from a parking lot in the area...she was raped/killed.

 

I called the store after I left and informed the workers of what happened. I didn't want them to simply wait for another woman to victimize. The worker did confirm that they do not hire individuals to clean the parking lot with those sticks. They have large trucks come in the middle of the night.

 

 

It is completely possible that the guy you saw was evaluating whether or not your dd would be an easy target. Statistically unlikely...but possible...and you don't want to test statistics. It's less likely that he would assault her *in* the store, but possible that he would strike up conversation with her with the intention of luring her out of the store with him.

[nono]

I had that happen to me when I was in high school. I was shopping at the mall for myself and my parents, going to several stores. The dude wasn't too smart, as I really noticed him several times. I called home on the pay phone (that's how old I am!) and conferred with my Dad. Unfortunately, my Mom was out with the other car, so I couldn't have him come meet me.

 

I had to play cat and mouse with this dude (thank you JC Penney for having multi-exit dressing rooms with attendants!) until I finally shook him. I was pretty sure I wasn't followed any more, but I met up with a young security guy out front of the mall who I told of my plight, who watched me until I was in the car.

 

I think I aged my Dad 10 years that day.

 

I would relay the stories here. The vast majority of folks are good. It's focusing on those that are not that can keep us safer. (No illusion of complete safety here...)

[GingerPoppy]

I teach my DD that it is much more likely to be harmed by people you know than by random strangers. So, while it is obvious that you do not go with a stranger, that do not get into a car with a stranger, that you avoid deserted places, I am not concerned about seemingly creepy people at the mall - after all, what can happen in a public place?

I emphasize what to avoid with acquaintances:

- never get drunk. Most bad stuff happens in connection with alcohol.

- if attending parties, go with a friend and watch each other's back

- do not leave your drink unattended

- let somebody know of your whereabouts

- if something feels not right: leave. Trust the inner creep-o-meter. Do not be concerned about appearing impolite. Call your parents for a ride (or later a trusted friend). Even the friend of a friend it can be a creep.

-never get in the car with anybody who has been drinking

 

As to the guy at the mall: I can think of plenty of legitimate reasons he may have been there, without purchases, without looking at merchandise. Maybe he was waiting for *his* DD or friend to finally be done shopping.

:iagree:and great advice!

 

eta... not to belittle some the experiences of pp on this thread. Absolutely, anything is possible. Being alert, aware, and mentally prepared is essential.

Edited January 15, 2012 by GingerPoppy

[Chelle in MO]

Another thing...a public place can become a secluded place. I was in a park reading when a man came to the picnic table next to me. For whatever reason, I was suspicious, but also didn't want to appear paranoid. After a bit more, I noticed that no one was around us. As I got up to leave I put my keys between my fingers (this is what they taught way back when) to poke him in the eyes. As I got up to leave, he grabbed me from behind. I tried to scream, but he covered my mouth and tried to drag me back into a wooded area. Fortunately, my brothers used to beat the crap out of me when I was little and my immediate reaction was to fight back. I could easily imagine being so stunned (esp. if I hadn't been overly suspicious to begin with) that I would have been paralyzed w/fear. I was able to break away as a couple came running toward me (some of my screaming was actually heard). They caught the guy. He was out on parole for rape. It's the stuff of nightmares.

 

My dds are learning jui jitsu.

 

And Regenetude I think your list is great for general situations. I just wouldn't discount stranger danger in public places.

 

 

:ohmy: That gives me chills. I'm so sorry you went through that, but very glad you were aware.

[laundrycrisis]

There is no public place that should be considered "safe" just because it's public. IMO we should be wary of people everywhere who set off our creep-alarms for any reason and not doubt ourselves. And it's always more important to be safe than to be polite. If you find yourself isolated, even "in public" by someone you get a bad vibe from, get noisy and get out ! I am not embarrassed to draw attention to myself in public and I am not worried about hurting anyone's feelings by being protective of my personal space. IMO this is important and important to teach kids.

Edited January 15, 2012 by laundrycrisis

[sandellie4]

We do a lot of teaching about this issue by incorporating observations during routine public activities. It's the same way we say things like, "Hmmm...I can't decide which soup to buy. Is that one cheaper or that one? But does one have more in the bag/can than the other?" We'll be at the store with one of the kiddos and I'll say something (softly!) like, "That man over there...I'm not sure he's shopping. He isn't looking at the items in the store and it seems like he's watching all the little girls.... I mean, I guess he could be waiting for someone, but I think I'll go this way to get by him...just to be sure." We do the same kind of thing if we notice people waiting for a long time in a parked car. "Yeah, they're probably just waiting for someone, but I'm not going to pass too close by that car, just in case."

 

One of the foster kids we had last year was so naive in this area, but one time, just before she left our home :(, she told me that when she'd gone to the mall with a friend, she had talked her out of going to the bathroom when there was a man hanging around that made her feel funny. "It felt like it might not be a good time to be alone in the hallway or the bathroom," she told me later.

 

The man was probably harmless. But she was alert!

 

What I can't figure out, though, is how to work with them on people they know who may want to hurt them. I don't want to practice by thinking aloud about my own family :tongue_smilie: but I know that many of the kids end up returning back to situations that aren't entirely safe or where they aren't well supervised. We talk about good and bad touch (for wee ones) and, for the older ones, "boundaries," and how to recognize when someone is breaking one of your boundaries. But I feel like it's not a particularly effective way to approach it.

 

Sandy

[SweetMissMagnolia]

yeah I can't seem to get Zach to understand that either.....we were in the pet store the other day and I notice he's over at the fish so I go to where he is and he's having a conversation with this older guy who's kinda hovered/bent over where I couldn't see him from across the store-not sure if it was intentional or if he was looking at the fish in the bottom tank but I made zach come back with me....

[lauracolumbus]

There is no public place that should be considered "safe" just because it's public. IMO we should be wary of people everywhere who set off our creep-alarms for any reason and not doubt ourselves. And it's always more important to be safe than to be polite. If you find yourself isolated, even "in public" by someone you get a bad vibe from, get noisy and get out ! I am not embarrassed to draw attention to myself in public and I am not worried about hurting anyone's feelings by being protective of my personal space. IMO this is important and important to teach kids.

 

I think this is something we develop more as we get older, although I do recognize that some situations send red flags to children. I think the OP's question is how to develop this in someone young and possibly naive. I need to start implementing some of the suggestions here, but I also didn't want to overload my kids w/scary thoughts.

 

Laura

[5forMe]

To the OP, thank you for this thread. I just dug out my copy of Protecting the Gift and am reviewing it again.

 

Use the scenario of what you noticed to teach your daughter to heighten her awareness and trust her gift of fear.

[Laurie4b]

I think it's important to teach your kids NOT to be polite and how to fight. My dad used to "play box" with me when I was a teenager. I really don't know if he was somehow training me or just playing. But I learned how to punch. Having a parent teach me also took the taboo out of it.

 

When I was in high school, a friend and I were at a creek at the edge of our neighborhood, but it was isolated and visible from the road. Stupidly, we were sunbathing in bikinis. We had our 6 year old sisters with us and her young golden retriever and my older weimaraner. My dog was very protective----at her house, as it turned out. the dogs were running around, snuffling in the woods. The guy pulled over and was on the path coming down to the creek before we saw him. He first tried to hold my friend's hand, then grab her chest. She came over behind me and he grabbed my chest. I slugged him, yelled, cussed him, and then, after putting on my tennis shoes (there was glass on the path), chased him. He backed up his car too fast for me to get his license plate. I went home and told my dad to call the sheriff cause "some man tried to feel me up." I was steamed. Later, I realized how lucky I was that he was more of a dufous than anything. My friend and I were both athletes, but I believe that boxing practice was enough to make fighting back my first response. I'm really glad my dad taught me that. Don't know what would have happened if I had been timid.

 

Interestingly, that episode left me with no trauma. I think it's because I fought back and escaped. It did make me a little more cautious, though I was hitch-hiking in college. Stupid kid.

[silliness7]

I just realized the other day, walking with my ds11 on his paper route, that my kids need to know that it is o.k. to be rude or impolite to bad people or people who are giving you the creeps.

 

Ds is a little skittish of dogs and we encountered a barking one in a yard. We got through the episode (the dog was not frightening to me but was obnoxious) and as we were walking away he wanted to know what if the dog followed us and chased us. I said I would kick it in the head. He said wouldn't the owners get mad if you kicked their dog? :confused: :confused:

 

So I explained his fundamental right to protect himself if attacked using any force necessary whether person or animal. It was a good talk. He was kind of hung up on being mean or making people mad at him.

 

Which reminds me of the time several years ago a weird salesman guy came to the door. I was home with the kids, no dh. He made me *very* uncomfortable. I started to respond with a polite "no thanks" but he got agitated which creeped me out. I raised my voice and then shut the door on him. My 2nd son was shocked at my rudeness. I had forgotten that til just now. Apparently I'm going to have to drill it in frequently that it's o.k. to be rude if you feel threatened. rinse. repeat.

[Ibbygirl]

Those are all good points, but as I Mom I would be concerned about this. Do you remember Adam Walsh? Sure, he was only 5-8 years old, but he and his mother were in a dept store. She turned around to look at something only to find her son missing and what would end in his murder and a nightmare for the family.

 

This was a younger child and a boy. I hate it happens to boys or girls, but girls at any.age are vulnerable.

 

OP, imo I would sit your dd down and go over the scenario in a calm manner. You can "still" use it as a teaching tool.

 

I tell my dd that stalkers can be any: color, age, gender, professional, homeless, attractive, ugly, and the list goes on. A stalker "looks" many different ways.

 

:iagree::iagree: I live not 5 minutes away from where Adam Walsh was taken. It shook up the entire community. I remember when it happened how scared we all were when he went missing and then when he was found murdered we were all devastated.

 

We have "Code Adam" in all the stores here now where the stores go on lockdown when a kid goes missing and they stay on lockdown until the kid is found.

 

Yeah, even in public you're not safe. Last year in the county north of mine a woman and her daughter were both found murdered in their car in the mall parking lot in a very busy mall. It can happen anywhere.

[Catwoman]

There is no public place that should be considered "safe" just because it's public. IMO we should be wary of people everywhere who set off our creep-alarms for any reason and not doubt ourselves. And it's always more important to be safe than to be polite. If you find yourself isolated, even "in public" by someone you get a bad vibe from, get noisy and get out ! I am not embarrassed to draw attention to myself in public and I am not worried about hurting anyone's feelings by being protective of my personal space. IMO this is important and important to teach kids.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Catwoman]

I need to start implementing some of the suggestions here, but I also didn't want to overload my kids w/scary thoughts.

 

 

I don't think caution = scary. I think you can make it scary if you approach it from a perspective of evil being around every corner, though, so there's definitely a middle ground. You can teach your child that bad things can happen to anyone, but there are ways to keep yourself safe -- and you can do it in a positive way. One of the easiest ways to do that is to model the behaviors yourself. If you keep an eye on the other people in a parking lot, mention that it's important to be alert. Quiz your kids on what the person looked like in the last aisle you were in at Target -- make it a game, but at the same time, you'll teach them to be more aware of their surroundings.

 

It's just like making a point of locating the stairwells and the exits when you stay in a hotel in case of a fire or emergency. You wouldn't scare your kids into thinking the building was going to burst into flames, but you would want them to know it's always important to know how to exit the building safely.

 

I think it's all a matter of presentation. (Even bigger things like what to do if someone ever grabs you can be handled without adding a "scary nightmarish" spin on it. I always teach my ds that it's important to be prepared for things, even if they'll probably never happen, and he seems cool with that. I think kids are more confident if they know how to handle different situations, than if they're left to wonder about it.)

[trailofsparks]

Those are all good points, but as I Mom I would be concerned about this. Do you remember Adam Walsh? Sure, he was only 5-8 years old, but he and his mother were in a dept store. She turned around to look at something only to find her son missing and what would end in his murder and a nightmare for the family.

 

This was a younger child and a boy. I hate it happens to boys or girls, but girls at any.age are vulnerable.

 

OP, imo I would sit your dd down and go over the scenario in a calm manner. You can "still" use it as a teaching tool.

 

I tell my dd that stalkers can be any: color, age, gender, professional, homeless, attractive, ugly, and the list goes on. A stalker "looks" many different ways.

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

[lauracolumbus]

I don't think caution = scary. I think you can make it scary if you approach it from a perspective of evil being around every corner, though, so there's definitely a middle ground. You can teach your child that bad things can happen to anyone, but there are ways to keep yourself safe -- and you can do it in a positive way. One of the easiest ways to do that is to model the behaviors yourself. If you keep an eye on the other people in a parking lot, mention that it's important to be alert. Quiz your kids on what the person looked like in the last aisle you were in at Target -- make it a game, but at the same time, you'll teach them to be more aware of their surroundings.

 

It's just like making a point of locating the stairwells and the exits when you stay in a hotel in case of a fire or emergency. You wouldn't scare your kids into thinking the building was going to burst into flames, but you would want them to know it's always important to know how to exit the building safely.

 

I think it's all a matter of presentation. (Even bigger things like what to do if someone ever grabs you can be handled without adding a "scary nightmarish" spin on it. I always teach my ds that it's important to be prepared for things, even if they'll probably never happen, and he seems cool with that. I think kids are more confident if they know how to handle different situations, than if they're left to wonder about it.)

 

You're right and I need to start doing this more. My dh does box w/our dds and teaches them a lot of self defense moves on top of their other martial arts training (our dogs want to go after him--it's interesting as to how their protective of them-even w/dh). But, it's as much an awareness issue as anything.

 

Laura

[jewellsmommy]

I'm not sure exactly how it happened, but dd has a naturally skeptic/suspicious nature.

 

About a yr and half ago, we were coming out of Target (it was night, close to closing time.) A young man, holding a Target gift card, was pacing outside of the doors. He started to approach and asked if we shopped at Target often. We kind of do but dh says nope and never slows his pace, putting his on the cart to close distance and ensure that we keep moving. The man begins to follow and says he has this gift card but that Target doesn't carry anything he needs :001_huh: and was hoping to sell it to us at a discount for the cash. Dh stops and turns to him and tells him 'sorry, no thank you' rather firmly. He was certainly not harmful or anything. You could tell he was looking for 'party' money. Honestly there is really nothing you can't buy at our Target (it even has groceries). I look down at dd who was 7.5ish at the time. She is looking at the man with the squinty eye. I asked her what was wrong and she declares "I think that man was trying to trick us for our money." I am kind of glad that she is like that, but then was saddened to think that my not yet 8 yr old was already that cynical. :001_huh:

 

There is a homeless man outside of Walmart often, with a sign. When we see him, we go in and buy him a snack. We drop it off when we come out. Dd is all about making sure we get him some food. Ds wanted to know why we don't just take him home with us. I started to explain that his thought was very sweet and I appreciated his thoughtfulness but... then dd cuts me off and seems appalled as she says " (ds name), that man could be a murderer! You don't know if he is safe. We will get him a sandwich and pray for him but that's it!" I was stunned at her boldness! I don't think we made her this way, she just is naturally.

 

 

ETA: I will say that we often talk openly with the dc about caution and strangers. We often talk about charity tempered with common sense. So maybe we did make her this way?! I would prefer children were cautious rather than victims.

Edited January 15, 2012 by jewellsmommy

[Catwoman]

I'm not sure exactly how it happened, but dd has a naturally skeptic/suspicious nature.

 

About a yr and half ago, we were coming out of Target (it was night, close to closing time.) A young man, holding a Target gift card, was pacing outside of the doors. He started to approach and asked if we shopped at Target often. We kind of do but dh says nope and never slows his pace, putting his on the cart to close distance and ensure that we keep moving. The man begins to follow and says he has this gift card but that Target doesn't carry anything he needs :001_huh: and was hoping to sell it to us at a discount for the cash. Dh stops and turns to him and tells him 'sorry, no thank you' rather firmly. He was certainly not harmful or anything. You could tell he was looking for 'party' money. Honestly there is really nothing you can't buy at our Target (it even has groceries). I look down at dd who was 7.5ish at the time. She is looking at the man with the squinty eye. I asked her what was wrong and she declares "I think that man was trying to trick us for our money." I am kind of glad that she is like that, but then was saddened to think that my not yet 8 yr old was already that cynical. :001_huh:

 

There is a homeless man outside of Walmart often, with a sign. When we see him, we go in and buy him a snack. We drop it off when we come out. Dd is all about making sure we get him some food. Ds wanted to know why we don't just take him home with us. I started to explain that his thought was very sweet and I appreciated his thoughtfulness but... then dd cuts me off and seems appalled as she says " (ds name), that man could be a murderer! You don't know if he is safe. We will get him a sandwich and pray for him but that's it!" I was stunned at her boldness! I don't think we made her this way, she just is naturally.

 

Your dd sounds like a smart, sensible kid! :thumbup1:

[Laura in MI]

Thanks for starting the thread, I've been thinking about this lately. My dd's never seem to pay attention to the people around them.

 

Pretty recently, dh took them to Kmart they we're looking at the clothes and dh was across the aisle/walkway looking at clothes for ds's he wasn't paying attention and when he looked up a guy who worked there was talking to my dd's and he saw them start walking towards the door to the storage room. He quickly walked up to them and asked what was going on and they said they we're getting a different size of what shirt they wanted. Dh just said that they weren't going to buying the shirt and they left.

Afterwards, we talked to them about it and they said they didn't know why he wanted them to go with him but they didn't want to be rude, so they went and that he didn't look like a creep (he was young probably in his 20's). I also yelled at dh for not paying closer attention to them. Dh said his radar went off as soon as he noticed what was going on. We talked about being aware sense but I want to drill it in there head.

 

I was so creeped out, still am. Actually now that I think about it, I haven't gone to Kmart sense.

[Laura in MI]

It worries me so much when I hear people say things like that. I think it is incredibly naive to assume that you are safe just because you are in a public place. At some point, you have to leave the store or the mall, and one of those creepy people could follow you and accost you in the parking lot. You can't assume that anyone in the parking lot will assist you in any way, because many people prefer not to get involved.

 

Sure, there are security cameras in the stores and in the parking lot, but they aren't monitored 24/7, so what good are they to you at the moment when someone is trying to drag you into his car or behind a dumpster?

 

I think it is very important to be aware of your surroundings at all times, and to teach our children to notice if the same person seems to be following them or paying too much attention to them or something just doesn't feel right about them, and how to handle the situation. It is also important to let them know that bad people don't necessarily look "creepy," but can look perfectly normal or attractive, so their behavior is more important than their appearance. I also think it is a good idea to tell your kids to trust their instincts. If they get a bad feeling about someone, take it seriously. It's better to have been careful and find out later that you were mistaken, than it is to have brushed off the feelings, only to realize too late that your instincts were right all along.

 

:iagree:

[Catwoman]

I was so creeped out, still am. Actually now that I think about it, I haven't gone to Kmart sense.

 

The guy was probably absolutely harmless, but I would have been creeped out, too. I get so nervous about that sort of thing, because I keep stressing about "what could have happened."

[Pegasus]

I really appreciate everyone's input on this. It reminds me that we've been meaning for years to have our DDs take a defense class of some sort. Now that they are getting old enough that they are not always right by our side, it's definitely time.

 

Pegasus

[Trish]

I teach my DD that it is much more likely to be harmed by people you know than by random strangers. So, while it is obvious that you do not go with a stranger, that do not get into a car with a stranger, that you avoid deserted places, I am not concerned about seemingly creepy people at the mall - after all, what can happen in a public place?

 

What can happen to you in a public place is that he can follow you outside.

 

Woman Abducted From Wal-Mart Parking Lot

 

Third Woman Kidnapped From Parking Lot

(apparently a mini-epidemic at this location)

 

Woman Abducted From Grocery Store Parking Lot

 

Woman Abducted From Blockbuster Parking Lot

 

Teen Abducted From Target Parking Lot, Killed

[PeacefulChaos]

I get it, I really do.

But the first thing I thought of when I read it all was, poor men. :tongue_smilie:

I agree with what the OP is saying, and I'm not saying that to her specifically, but it just seems like men are so often 'the bad guy' or if they don't look perfect they must be weird in a bad way or something. If they are alone in the children's dept they must be a sicko. Or in the toy dept. (Again, NOT speaking of the OP, just generally what I see everywhere). I just feel bad for them, since most of them are perfectly nice individuals. :) And that apparently DH should never go anywhere by himself. :D (just kidding.)