AlmiraGulch Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 My sister got married last Sunday. It was her third wedding. Her first two were small....one in a church with our grandmother, who was a minister, performing the ceremony. Only my parents, myself and one sister, plus friends of my grandmother, attended. It was a nearly 30 years ago. The second was at the JOP. This time, she had a full-on wedding and reception. It was beautiful and perfect in every way, full of sentiment and emotion and also just gorgeous physically. When she started announcing she was getting married, most of her friends told her to register. They said people would want to bring gifts and it would be better to know what they wanted. I said I though it was tacky. It's her third wedding, they already have a household established, and she shouldn't do it. She did, and she was definitely blessed with many gifts. I was also surprised how much money she received. I'm getting married for the 2nd time in April. Definitely a wedding, with a dress and a photographer, but no guests. Some friends have said they'd like to host a reception for us when we return and they said we should register. I STILL think it's inappropriate and tacky, but, like my sister's friends, she insists people will want to bring gifts and they should know what to bring. What says the Hive? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I'm not the most socially adept person, but I say it's perfectly reasonable to register. I'd probably want to bring a gift if a friend of mine were getting married - even for the second or third time - and I would sure like to know what would be appreciated instead of showing up with a white elephant. I'm of the mindset that I only have so much money (we really are on a very limited budget) and I would much rather give something that the recipient would enjoy and use than to guess and bring something that would get stuffed in a closet or regifted. I really don't have a problem with people making their needs and wishes known - it makes me feel better about how I'm spending my money and it gives me joy knowing I've given something that will truly get used and appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Honestly, if I were attending the wedding of someone who's previously been married, then I wouldn't bring a household type gift. I'd figure they just didn't need it. I'd probably end up giving money to help with the honeymoon or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 When dh and I got married we had already established a household. We asked for camping equipment, it was great. You don't have to register for traditional gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 When dh and I got married we had already established a household. We asked for camping equipment, it was great. You don't have to register for traditional gifts. :iagree: I think it would be fun to get creative with it. Is there some big-ticket item you need or want? Equipment for a hobby your family enjoys? Maybe instead of registering for a lot of stuff, let your friends know your "registry" is a fund for (whatever). If it were me, I'd love to contribute toward a trip or appliance or something your new family needs or wants than get you something a new bride straight from her parent's home would need. But, if you need new cookware, or if the sheets and towels are getting thin and worn, this is a good time to register for them! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I think it is perfectly fine to register for gifts. Doesn't mean people HAVE to buy those things for you, but for the clueless shoppers in the world like me, it is a real benefit. I have a terrible sense of style and appreciate a list of ideas. And it doesn't matter whether it is your first or fifteenth wedding - I still appreciate having a list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Congratulations. :-) I wouldn't register. Let people figure it out. It will be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 It doesn't matter if others think it is tacky or not - you sound uncomfortable with it, so you don't have to do it. A friend recently got married and didn't register BUT they had a great amazon wish list that they made public (anyone could google for it, and they sent the link to those who specifically requested it). It was the family's one and only wish list, so it had everything from books, to toys for the kids, to household stuff, to, well, really odd-ball stuff on it. It wasn't designed to be a wedding registry, but it served a similar function. Maybe that would be an option for you. ETA: CONGRATULATIONS!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I definitely think your sister should have registered since she had a wedding and invited people. For yours, since you aren't having guests (did I read that correctly?) I think it would be odd to register. I wouldn't give someone a gift if I wasn't invited to their wedding... that seems odd to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLG Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Congratulations. :-) I wouldn't register. Let people figure it out. It will be fine. :iagree: Those that want to give, will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I've been married twice. My mom talked me out of anything wedding(ish) for my 2nd marriage and DH and I went to the JOP at the courthouse, alone. His secretary was the witness. The words were nice but the memory of the entire thing is not. My feelings were hurt when my mom said no one would want to come because it was my 2nd marriage and even a reception was inappropriate. I received a few Congratulations cards but no gifts at all. I felt ignored and that I wasn't someone worthy of receiving any type of attention for what should have been a really wonderful occasion. And no, no one in my family is religious to the point that divorce and remarriage are considered taboo. This marriage has every right to be celebrated as much as a first-time wedding. I doubt they registered for anything they already had or that didn't need to be replaced, such as my $9.99 toaster from Target. Hopefully she'll have fond memories of this wedding and the celebration surrounding it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted December 17, 2011 Author Share Posted December 17, 2011 I've been married twice. My mom talked me out of anything wedding(ish) for my 2nd marriage and DH and I went to the JOP at the courthouse, alone. His secretary was the witness. The words were nice but the memory of the entire thing is not. My feelings were hurt when my mom said no one would want to come because it was my 2nd marriage and even a reception was inappropriate. I received a few Congratulations cards but no gifts at all. I felt ignored and that I wasn't someone worthy of receiving any type of attention for what should have been a really wonderful occasion. And no, no one in my family is religious to the point that divorce and remarriage are considered taboo. This marriage has every right to be celebrated as much as a first-time wedding. I doubt they registered for anything they already had or that didn't need to be replaced, such as my $9.99 toaster from Target. Hopefully she'll have fond memories of this wedding and the celebration surrounding it. I definitely agree this marriage deserves to be celebrated, as did yours! :grouphug: I still thought it was weird to register, but I am clearly in the minority. You (and most of the other previous posters) have made some very good points! Definitely food for thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Nowadays, people register for all sorts of occasions...I say register! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHASRADA Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I think it would be even *more* important to register the 2nd or 3rd time around. Guests will likely have no idea what the newlyweds already have, what they still need, what they would like, or what is appropriate. If some guests don't like the idea of a registry, they won't look at it. For those who would love a "heads up" about what to purchase, it will be greatly appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 This marriage has every right to be celebrated as much as a first-time wedding. I doubt they registered for anything they already had or that didn't need to be replaced, such as my $9.99 toaster from Target. Hopefully she'll have fond memories of this wedding and the celebration surrounding it. :grouphug: How mean of your mother! I personally wouldn't register for a second wedding, but I don't really like getting gifts, and particularly don't see that celebrating a second marriage needs to have gifts to be thought of as valid or important. A nice little wedding or reception would be enough for me. If I wanted to give a gift, I hope I would know the people well enough to pick out something meaningful without a list at Macy's to pick from. What does your sweetie want to do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homemama2 Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Some friends have said they'd like to host a reception for us when we return and they said we should register. I STILL think it's inappropriate and tacky, but, like my sister's friends, she insists people will want to bring gifts and they should know what to bring. If people are asking you to register, it's not tacky, IMO. In fact, if you are uncomfortable with it, you don't need to announce that you're registered, but if people ask you can tell them. Or let the people giving the reception tell others. It IS hard to know what to get people if they aren't registered. My brother just got married for the first time a few months back. They were both in their 40's and have had their own homes since they were in their 20's. They might have 'needed' anything, but we were all very excited to buy gifts (we just didn't want to get something they already had.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Do whatever you are comfortable doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 When dh and I got married we had already established a household. We asked for camping equipment, it was great. You don't have to register for traditional gifts. :iagree:this is awesome. Is there anything you and your fiance DO want/need? Focus on that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I've been married twice. My mom talked me out of anything wedding(ish) for my 2nd marriage and DH and I went to the JOP at the courthouse, alone. His secretary was the witness. The words were nice but the memory of the entire thing is not. My feelings were hurt when my mom said no one would want to come because it was my 2nd marriage and even a reception was inappropriate. I received a few Congratulations cards but no gifts at all. I felt ignored and that I wasn't someone worthy of receiving any type of attention for what should have been a really wonderful occasion. And no, no one in my family is religious to the point that divorce and remarriage are considered taboo. This marriage has every right to be celebrated as much as a first-time wedding. I doubt they registered for anything they already had or that didn't need to be replaced, such as my $9.99 toaster from Target. Hopefully she'll have fond memories of this wedding and the celebration surrounding it. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:I'm sorry for your hurt. :sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Registering isn't tacky but putting that information in any invites is tacky. Of course people do that all the time. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I've been married twice. My mom talked me out of anything wedding(ish) for my 2nd marriage and DH and I went to the JOP at the courthouse, alone. His secretary was the witness. The words were nice but the memory of the entire thing is not. My feelings were hurt when my mom said no one would want to come because it was my 2nd marriage and even a reception was inappropriate. I received a few Congratulations cards but no gifts at all. I felt ignored and that I wasn't someone worthy of receiving any type of attention for what should have been a really wonderful occasion. And no, no one in my family is religious to the point that divorce and remarriage are considered taboo. This marriage has every right to be celebrated as much as a first-time wedding. I doubt they registered for anything they already had or that didn't need to be replaced, such as my $9.99 toaster from Target. Hopefully she'll have fond memories of this wedding and the celebration surrounding it. (Night Elf) I am sorry your mother ruined that for you. My second wedding was definitely a celebration. But it was private. Parents and our children only. (there was lots of confusion with all his siblings and mine and who could make it when so we just stopped all that nonsense and got married at a B&B) THEN, 3 weeks later we had a fabulous reception. We put our tux and wedding dress back on, kids in their suits, everyone dressed up....a full real reception. Gifts. Wow. It was lovely. So OP, please have your wedding, accept gifts and say thank you. And I buy gifts for people who get married....doesn't matter to me if they have a 'wedding' or even if I am invited. It is a joyous event. To be celebrated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 If you don't want people to go overboard, only register for small things. Anyone who wants to give more can go the cash route. Anyone who wants to just show their love and support with a little token can give you something from the registry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Tell them you like surprises. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I'm getting married for the 2nd time in April. Definitely a wedding, with a dress and a photographer, but no guests. Some friends have said they'd like to host a reception for us when we return and they said we should register. I STILL think it's inappropriate and tacky, but, like my sister's friends, she insists people will want to bring gifts and they should know what to bring. What says the Hive? As a friend/relative/guest, I wouldn't see anything wrong with it, and I'd probably fit your sister's description (wanting to buy something for YOU regardless of which marriage this was), but ... if it were me getting married the second time, I know I'd feel the same way you do about the whole thing. Heck, I felt so wrong about registering for things for my first (and so far, only!) wedding so I opted to forego a traditional wedding; I eloped! After the fact, people asked us what we wanted - and that was way more awkward. We asked for donations made in our name to my favorite charity. Not everyone was thrilled, but ... meh, I didn't want or need anything from them other than good wishes and a handshake or hug :) Some people bought us stuff anyway. Stuff that ended up being re-gifted because it was challenging to return (no clue where/when it was purchased), so in hindsight .... that may be something to consider. If you're uncomfortable with the idea, maybe have a theme? If it's not an open bar, and you drink, have everyone who wants to bring something bring a bottle of something - wine, vodka, anything. Host or venue provides basic mixers and coffee (for the late night Bailey's run!) -- have the host spread the word that your household is setup, and what you want most is the gift of a wonderful night to celebrate and share with friends. And any alcohol they bring LOL. Alternatively, register at Toys R Us and donate everything to charity. Mostly this post is just to commiserate with you. I'm feelin' ya. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I vote that you register. Your friends want to give you gifts, and they want to know that they're spending their money on something you'd like to have and will use. Make it easy for them by registering. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I say register and let people send you gifts! Of course I love to give gifts no matter the occasion, so I may be biased. :D Honestly, I could use another wedding, because much of the stuff I got 13 years ago is old and needs replacing. :lol: You are not telling people to buy you things just because you register, you are telling them what you would like if they want to buy you something. No one is obligated to buy anything for anyone ever, so don't stress about it. Congrats! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Congratulations. :-) I wouldn't register. Let people figure it out. It will be fine. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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