Blueridge Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 (edited) We have to run a tight ship here at holiday time. The funds are simply not there to have the large extravaganzas we did years ago with family. We never entertain, probably because we have no close friends here, and because our house is small/in a state of disrepair with leaking faucets/old furniture/drafty/broken upstairs heater...not fun, but I try not to worry about it and we fix what we can at tax time. :tongue_smilie: So, we bake cookies and make salt dough ornaments and study about Christmas around the world...we drive and look at lights and make hot cocoa mixes and watch holiday movies...we are very understated lol. Well, our married dd just called out of the blue to say that they are coming to our house before Christmas to stay a week with us! :eek: Yes, we love her! But wow, I have no time. I have no money. We have no spare room. We don't even have much food on the shelves right now, but have some nice meats in the freezer. Our stinkin' electric bill is past due. It's a sparse time of year for us (no overtime). I don't have the energy to figure out what to do cause I've been sick. So I have a week and a half to do *something* to get ready to welcome them. We have old towels and rusty bathtubs and not even enough living room seating for more than the 5 of us. Sorry to be venting so much, but I have had to get little gifts through the months to have presents for the girls, and I have nothing yet for dh. Needless to say, I have no cash to get them presents...I should be so happy that they have decided to spend time with us, but our current financial state has been kept from my extended family to protect dh from their nasty criticism (and it would make dd so sad). Now it will be exposed that we are 'in the pits'...What can I do to be a joyful mom and fix up/clean up/use what I already have to make it better? Your ideas are so appreciated!! Edited December 8, 2011 by Blueridge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 The first 2 things I thought of: (I'll try to think of more!) Can you borrow some seating? Something like beanbag chairs that can be moved easily. For food: I'd concentrate on soups and stews with homemade breads. That seems to stretch meat much farther! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I am so sorry you are struggling!! :grouphug: I guess my advice would be to you: Just have a clean home, clean towels (no matter how old), and a warm, welcoming hug for them. Don't fret - your daughter will be happy no matter what, I'm sure. As for food, is it possible to go to a local food shelf? For a gift, do you have an old piece of jewelry to pass down to her? Or something given to you by your mom or grandmother? I hope you get lots of great suggestions here that help to calm your heart. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I'd probably just be honest with her. She is grown and married, she can deal with some grown-up truths. Tell her things are tight. There will be no gift for her (Christmas in our family is about the kids-DH and I don't exchange). Meals will be pasta based. Maybe suggest she come for the weekend of Christmas instead of a full week? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I'd probably just be honest with her. She is grown and married, she can deal with some grown-up truths. Tell her things are tight. ? I agree. She is adult, she can deal. Meals for extras for a whole week does add up. (My DD lives in another state, so I understand.) I suggest some menu planning ahead of time. Take inventory of what you have and see how far you can make it stretch with "planned" over meals. Roast one day, stew the next kind of thing. Turkey is cheap this time of year and the meals you can make are almost endless. If you DD can afford it, I think it would be fine ask her to kick in with some grocery money. Your house will be fine. Make her feel welcome with your hugs and you will be glad she came. ( My den/TV/fireplace room) is small, and we take turns sitting on the floor..no one minds.) We can sit around and eat popcorn and play games every night when our DD is here. All my kiddoes are married, but we get together as much as we possibly can when DD is here and we treasure those memories when she is back home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Maybe they can even stay an a hotel and/or help with meals? I shop for and prepare meals at my MIL's house and my parents' house, and neither is in dire circumstances.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I spent many years of my life dirt poor. I grew up poor and as a teen and young adult was responsible for myself financially and in other ways as well. I really do understand just how hard it is when money is tight. With that in mind, speaking very gently . . . be sooo glad that your daughter treasures her time with you and wants to be with you. What a wonderful gift! Truly. When she comes, focus on your relationship, on the fun, on the treasure it is to be together. Play board games and card games. Go for walks. Look at the holiday lights. Let your entire focus be on good EXPERIENCES together. As for the house, make sure it is clean, and that's plenty. Don't fret about it, and don't say anything about it. If it's clean and you're warm, welcoming, and friendly, no one cares about the state of the house. As for the gifts--you can tell your dd how tight things are. When you tell her, make sure you also tell her how truly you love her and are so glad to be able to spend this time together. Perhaps you can give her a homemade ornament for her tree? Or pull some photos from storage for her from her childhood? Just a small token that is meaningful is all that is necessary if you are also warm, welcoming, and focused on the joy of being together. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I think since it is such a close relative it would be fine to be honest with her and let her know the situation. Either maybe ask for some grocery money or maybe ask if she could shop and prepare half the meals that week or if she could stay for a shorter time or some other option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I agree with others about just being honest with her about the circumstances. Is it just her and her dh? or does she have a bunch of children as well? As for the state of your house - this is your daughter. Hasn't she been to your house before? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amey311 Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 She might also be interested in a collection of "family" recipes on index cards. You can fancy it up as much as you want (or not). Or pictures from her childhood you're willing to give up, etc. I agree about soup and stew as meal stretchers. Same with casseroles, and baked breads. Has she been to visit you in this house, or will it be a new location for her? If she and her husband haven't been to this house, it would be good to call or email her and let her know some of the situation there. They might need to bring warmer clothes or pajamas, or her husband might have tools or similar things to help with repairs. I know my husband likes knowing if he'll be called upon for computer help because he'll bring certain disks and small tools that he assumes other people won't have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 :grouphug:So, we bake cookies and make salt dough ornaments and study about Christmas around the world...we drive and look at lights and make hot cocoa mixes and watch holiday movies...we are very understated lol These sound like lovely ways to spend time together. Tell your dd, money is tight; there is no need to go into details. Just focus on enjoying your time together.:grouphug: :iagree:The other suggestions are worth checking into. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I'd probably just be honest with her. She is grown and married, she can deal with some grown-up truths. Tell her things are tight. There will be no gift for her (Christmas in our family is about the kids-DH and I don't exchange). Meals will be pasta based. Maybe suggest she come for the weekend of Christmas instead of a full week? I agree. Plus - I imagine she is coming to be with you and share in the salt dough-making, caroling, snuggle-tv watching stuff you are already doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 (edited) Thank you all. I feel better already. I was having a panic attack with it all being heaped on me like that. She has visited us here once, 2 years ago. Her dh has not been here, though. Since they are both in grad school, I know they are poor as church mice, and I imagine they are hoping things at Mom and Dad's will be like old times. She was asking whether they should bring more formal clothes, in case we took them somewhere fancy. :001_huh: I want it to be enjoyable for them, though. Wonderful suggestions you've given me. I will start making lists of good, cheap meals to shop for. I will look around for a few things of mine to give to them. Dh has tools he's never used, I have little knick knacks. I will write down some of my recipes familiar to her and give those in a little box. She asked for a nice frying pan so hopefully I can find a great sale. She is bringing all sorts of specimens and drawings from her semester (she's working on a biology Ph.D) to share with us, and I love the idea of playing games and drives to see the Blue Ridge and decorations. Popcorn is a great idea. I will have the girls help me really deep clean the upstairs, and hopefully I will find the time to finish painting the upstairs bath. I'll haunt Goodwill for more goodies. It was just so unexpected. I want to be calm and happy, and will start getting myself organized. I *really* appreciate your wonderful suggestions!! And I want to focus on relationship more than anything. Lovely idea to focus on that primarily. Edited December 8, 2011 by Blueridge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marylou Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 You've gotten some good ideas. For the rust on the bath tub try "Barkeeper's Friend" in the cleaning supply aisle at the store. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Since the hot chocolate thing is something you like doing, as a present idea could you see if you could pick up some cheap cups and saucers at a thrift store. Like these old fashioned ones that may have once been part of a set and have pretty patterns and then add a little sachet of hot chocolate and a little pack of marshmallows or biscuits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 If you need it, is there a food pantry near by where you could get some extras to help you through the holidays? They are there for people who need the extra boost. Our area also offers food commodities (based on income) which is a large box of nice staples and meats and a gleaner's truck which is a constantly varying selection of foods (truck comes once a month) in addition to traditional food banks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In2why Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I am so sad for you and your anxiety. I know it is more than your daughter, but you want to make a good impression on your SIL as well. I think the best way to do that is to be yourself, and be proud of what you do have and the memories you are making instead of focusing on the material things. Being warm, welcoming and loving is better than even the fanciest things and houses. Include both of them in the things you are doing. Make sure to ask SIL to do things as well, like mash the potatoes and what not. As others said, use stews and soups to stretch meals. As far as gifts go, you also got some wonderful ideas, recipes, cookies, ornaments for their tree. Since your daughter asked about clothes for somewhere fancy I would use that to bring up the issue of finances. Again not in an apologetic way, but just mention things are a bit tight financially and you hope that she is okay with just being with the family and doing family stuff. I am sure she will be. As for the house, if it is clean, that is all that matters. I know you will have a wonderful visit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In2why Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 You've gotten some good ideas. For the rust on the bath tub try "Barkeeper's Friend" in the cleaning supply aisle at the store. Or Lime Away. It is a miracle worker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Bless your heart!!! I am so sorry for your stress. This is your daughter. I think you should look forward to seeing her. WHO CARES about the material rest? She wants to see YOU and not your house! I know your heart is heavy and it is sad. One of my very closest friends is so embarrassed of how they live. They were given a very, very old and very, very tiny ranch home. They have five kids. They all used to squeeze onto one floor and have huge gatherings in their kitchen. You know what? I never knew my friend was embarrassed. Yes, we all squeezed in, but they are beautiful people with the most loving and generous hearts. I *ALWAYS* love going to their house. ALWAYS. I am always blessed when we go there. It is always in a state of disrepair. Something is always broken. I've given them a stove before, and I was going to give them a new toilet then I found out they finally replaced their old one. It never flushed so they left a pitcher on the tub so people could fill it and flush. Everyone who goes to their home is blessed. Everyone loves them. I want to encourage you not to be embarrassed of your home. Focus on the beauty and happiness of your family and their love. Give her some home baked cookies in a tin you can buy at the dollar store for a gift. Or a framed cherished picture of her as a child. My friend never had enough seating either. You can take your kitchen chairs into the living room. It's ok. She will be happy to see you! I know my friend stresses every time her rich family members go to visit her. It makes me SO sad! They have the most beautiful hearts in the world, and I just wish they didn't feel embarrassed for how they live. THEY have done things right. They focus on what's important in life and they choose to be happy. You will fix your home as the funds allow. Until then, focus on the blessings you have around you! :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 If she can drive down, ask her to bring some chairs, sleeping bags, and food ingredients (and maybe a few other things), and make plans to work together on homemade gifts and eats while they are at your house. I would be honest with her, as others have said. But I would not stop her from coming. At times like this, love of family can only make you feel richer. Besides, your house will be warmer with all those extra bodies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I just wanted to add a couple of :grouphug:. My post seems cold, and IRL I am a very warm person, I just can't seem to convey that in my posts. :glare: Please, clean your house, figure out where they are going to sleep, plan some menus, and ENJOY your time together! You will never regret it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ciyates Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I didn't get to read everyone's post but how about writing her a letter. Reflect on some warm memories, or hopes for her future etc.. Something beautiful that she will treasure for ever. I would love that more than anything else from my mom! As for the house/food be honest up front before she comes. Tell her you love her and want her there but here are the expectations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 Ladies! You've all given me :grouphug: today and I wanted to thank you for getting me redirected on a positive plan of action. I have started a list of simple meals that don't cost much to make. I can bake lots of bread and they will consider that a real treat. My dd called again an hour ago, and she sounded almost giddy with excitement. She can hardly wait for her sisters to see her dehydrated forest mushroom collection. :D They have already planned their travel route and are starting to pack. I've been locked in my room, playing Christmas music, digging through my closet (where I hide presents as I find goodies) and found a few little things there from several years ago I had forgotten! So I wrapped up the little metal planter bucket of seed packets, garden gloves, and gardener's soap for her. I had gotten a brand new Salad Sac at Goodwill last week and that went in with the garden things. I also had a little purple bag of lavender chocolate samples and tiny jar of lavender honey I had gotten this summer, so I wrapped that, too with a handwritten recipe for lavender pound cake. I also found 2 stuffed Audubon birds with new tags I had found at Goodwill for a 'ya never know when you might need these' gift, and she will love them for her office desk. The Lord provides. I know this. I am breathing. Thank you! Tomorrow we'll start rearranging the upstairs as best we can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Ladies! You've all given me :grouphug: today and I wanted to thank you for getting me redirected on a positive plan of action. I have started a list of simple meals that don't cost much to make. I can bake lots of bread and they will consider that a real treat. My dd called again an hour ago, and she sounded almost giddy with excitement. She can hardly wait for her sisters to see her dehydrated forest mushroom collection. :D They have already planned their travel route and are starting to pack. I've been locked in my room, playing Christmas music, digging through my closet (where I hide presents as I find goodies) and found a few little things there from several years ago I had forgotten! So I wrapped up the little metal planter bucket of seed packets, garden gloves, and gardener's soap for her. I had gotten a brand new Salad Sac at Goodwill last week and that went in with the garden things. I also had a little purple bag of lavender chocolate samples and tiny jar of lavender honey I had gotten this summer, so I wrapped that, too with a handwritten recipe for lavender pound cake. I also found 2 stuffed Audubon birds with new tags I had found at Goodwill for a 'ya never know when you might need these' gift, and she will love them for her office desk. The Lord provides. I know this. I am breathing. Thank you! Tomorrow we'll start rearranging the upstairs as best we can. Those gifts sound perfect and heartfelt!! May your time together be memorable and joyous!!! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rawbanana Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I agree with the others, just be honest and upfront with her. And treasure that she wants to spend the time with you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 She might also be interested in a collection of "family" recipes on index cards. You can fancy it up as much as you want (or not). Or pictures from her childhood you're willing to give up, etc. Great idea about the recipe collection as a gift! If I was your daughter, I would certainly not care about the house being in disrepair or having extravagant food choices. Perhaps they just want to spend the holidays with you. I would try to project the image of being happy to see her rather than stressed even though I can totally understand you were not planning in this visit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 When I was away at college my parents went through very difficult financial times. At one point, we (Dh and I) would sneak money into my Mom's purse before we left to go back home. I always, always loved coming home. I didn't care if we weren't eating out or if things were starting to look a little worn down. I just wanted to see my Mom. I wanted a good Two Armed Hug and to sit and talk and talk and talk and I didn't care a lick about what I was sitting on. It sounds like your daughter is just excited to see her family and I am SO glad that you are getting excited, too. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I am sitting here reading this thread with tears flowing down my face. What a precious woman you are, Blueridge. And what precious WTM friends we have here. It's such a blessing to read all these beautiful ideas and to see what you've come up with, Blueridge. I needed this today. I really did. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Just remember she's not coming to see your house or your stuff or even your food; she's coming to see YOU. We continue to see a particular family most holidays. We've seen them through unemployment, major home rehab, messy dying pets, lack of water or heat, and all kinds of other things. We sleep on the floor, and eat what they feed us. We bought them new towels some years back as our hostess gift, in part so there would be some when we visit. We could stay with another family who lives nearby, who has a nicer home and nicer stuff and less chaos, but we never do. We love the family we visit, chaos or no chaos. They make us feel welcome and loved. The rest isn't important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted December 9, 2011 Author Share Posted December 9, 2011 To all the sweet souls here today...a huge thank you. My day was completely changed for the better because of you. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Tell her exactly how things are and see if she can help make Christmas nicer for all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKidAcademy Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Your plan sounds good - and your understated holiday sounds quite lovely. No wonder dd wants to come home for Christmas! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Well, our married dd just called out of the blue to say that they are coming to our house before Christmas to stay a week with us! :eek: !! First, I'd ask her if there is something going on in her life that she feels a need to be with her parents at christmas. My suggestion would be to level with her. she is your dd, NOT your extended family. I'm sorry it's humiliating, but it what it is. Tell he what is going on. tell her finances for you are so tight and you can't afford to do anything special.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 You guys are awesome! (The Original Poster and all the Lovely Ladies who helped with love and suggestions.) I feel so privileged to be here. And it makes me realize the world is a beautiful place, and people are GOOD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 She's coming to see you, not your house. Have that welcoming spirit, it can overcome many deficits. For ds's birthday we were broke. Dh was just getting over being ill for many months, no work. My parents helped make ds's birthday special, but we wanted to get him something. Dh and I went out to the city wide garages. Nothing at the first few we stopped at. Finally at one we spotted a Darth Vader helmet. Not a cheap one, a nice one that was 2 piece, with the mouthpiece. I crawled over dh to grab it. Ds is a Star Wars fanatic. I asked how much, 25 cents. I almost fell over. Ds loved it. It was special too because at one of his previous birthday we'd had a friend with a Darth Vader costume show up as a surprise to his party. It was same kind of helmet. So there will be provision for you. Dig out the old family photos, have fun. Enjoy your family, they'll never be concerned about the meals or house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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