A Question for Atheists

[ravinlunachick]

If your (let's assume elementary aged) child were to suddenly begin asking questions about God, or praying before meals or bedtime, or otherwise expressing a sort of independent religious belief, how would you respond?

 

Would you discourage it? Would you dismiss it as a phase and basically ignore it? Would you indulge it? What if that child began asking to attend a church, and you aren't UU'ers?

 

Let's say, for the purposes of discussion, that this child has not been the recipient of a Chick Tract or powerful evangelism or pressure. Just sort of picked up the notion of a deity through reading myths and basic exposure to the culture.

[Audrey]

I wouldn't go out of my way to either encourage or discourage it. I would be open to discussion if he asked questions or wanted to talk about it, but I would be honest in my responses if asked what I believe or don't believe. I think it is important for people to work out their religious beliefs or lack thereof for themselves. I would leave him to exploring it on his own. I would take him to the library and let him read or engage in other media. I draw a line at taking a child to churches, though. That falls under "going out of my way to either encourage or discourage."

[SonshineLearner]

Might think that said child has an interest in knowing if there is a God. Of course, I'm bias as I do believe in God. It'd be hard if my children did NOT believe in God, as I believe in Heaven; I can understand that for one who doesn't..... it's hard if your child does.

My children's step-mom is UU and I know that it's been tough for her that the girls are Christians.....

But, usually freedom to think for yourself is part of homeschooling.... at least for those I know....... (and I can say that respect is necessary for a relationship... my daughter's bio-dad is NOT respectful of how she believes and it's a serious problem with her feelings towards her.... :()

[hmschooling]

If he were interested in art, you'd take him to a museum, so why not a church? You are helping him explore, not encouraging or discouraging one way or the other. He may not like the museum or he may. Same with church.

[SunD]

I would discuss with them my reasons for not believing in God and not praying, going to church, and whatever else they may be doing. If it continued for a short time after that I might consider it a phase of being interested in "trying on" religious expressions, just like they might insist on being called Frankenstein for a week. If it continued for a long time after our talk, I would start watching for influences that I had overlooked or let slide before.

 

If it continued on to the point where I felt they were old enough to truly believe, I would let them do what they wanted as far as going to church, etc.

 

Just read Audrey's response and to clarify my own ... I would not take them to church but would let them go alone/with others once they reached an age where I let them go places without me/DH. I would not say grace, pray, etc myself or participate in their activities. At a young age I would let them be interested but discourage it. Older, I would stand back and let them choose their religious activities and interests, just like they'd choose violin or karate, but I wouldn't facilitate any activity I didn't agree with.

Edited November 28, 2011 by SunD

[keptwoman]

I wouldn't go out of my way to either encourage or discourage it. I would be open to discussion if he asked questions or wanted to talk about it, but I would be honest in my responses if asked what I believe or don't believe. I think it is important for people to work out their religious beliefs or lack thereof for themselves. I would leave him to exploring it on his own. I would take him to the library and let him read or engage in other media. I draw a line at taking a child to churches, though. That falls under "going out of my way to either encourage or discourage."

:iagree: Especially the bolded.

All of my kids have done the god thing at various times. I just go with the flow, answer the questions. All of them currently state that they are athiests but that may change.

[Carpe]

I would indulge it with an underlying assumption that it was just a phase. My parents were two different religions. I "tried on" both as a child and ultimately realized that I did not believe. I imagine the kids are going to do the same.

 

I would allow church, but I would pick a church that is pro-science and go with them. We would talk more about god(s) and why we do not believe and ask what they think and where they heard it and if it makes sense, etc.

 

I'd probably treat it a lot like a fascination with any topic. Make sure they have resources to follow to get the knowledge, but to make sure it follows what we know individually and culturally. Kids that age are very vulnerable to outside influence and I would make sure that only the best was getting in.

[yellowperch]

Our relatives are religious, so we refer these issues to them. For example, my mother is a devout practicing Catholic. So, we say, "well, grammy believes x, y, z. You should ask her about it." Or, "Uncle Jim would take you to mass, let's call him and see when he can do it. You can check it out." We are agnostics, and I certainly wouldn't discourage my children from seeking answers to spiritual questions. I'm clear about my beliefs--which are really just questions--and encourage them to explore their own.

[Rosie_0801]

A child's spirituality is no less important than mine. You know the saying "your right to punch ends before it hits my face?" Well as a parent, I would consider it appropriate to move my face as far away as I comfortably could to give them swinging room.

 

If they wanted to pray, they could go right ahead.

 

If they wanted to say grace, I'd expect everyone else to pause politely for a short grace. If the new convert wanted to wax long and eloquently (or not so eloquently) they would be asked to keep it to a very short paragraph because we are not a congregation and our dinner would be going cold.

 

If they wanted to go to church, I'd say "Let's talk to The Dad Guy about finding appropriate churches. Some would be healthy for you to visit, some wouldn't." Dh would take them, and I'd grill him for every detail when they got home.

 

If they wanted to go to Sunday School, The Dad Guy and I would talk about it. He'd probably be open to the idea of a UU Sunday school. I'd say "Not a chance in Hades." Since I already plan a fairly rigorous religious education considering the religious makeup of our household, and the nearest UU church is over an hour away, I'm pretty sure that idea would fizzle out.

 

If they were old enough to get there themselves, ("you are old enough to catch the train here, there and everywhere except church" is a bit silly) but still under 18, I'd go with them every week. I'd probably continue to go every week until they moved out. I would not wake them if they slept through their alarm. I would try not to grind my teeth to avoid dental damage. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm hoping to have found a suitable pagan community for them before we get to this point, but I don't know if there is one around here and we won't know if that would be a antidote until we get there.

 

What you should do depends on the kind of atheists you are!

 

Rosie

Edited November 28, 2011 by Rosie_0801

[Carrie12345]

I'd consider it a phase, just like their dances with vegetarianism. Everyone is to be respectful. I haven't hidden the meat on my plate, but I've never waved it around in their faces, either.

 

At this point, I probably wouldn't take them to church, though some of them have gone in the past. I just don't feel that services would teach them much outside of the rituals, since I'm positive the sermon would bore them. I might consider taking a teenager.

[ravinlunachick]

I would discuss with them my reasons for not believing in God and not praying, going to church, and whatever else they may be doing. If it continued for a short time after that I might consider it a phase of being interested in "trying on" religious expressions, just like they might insist on being called Frankenstein for a week. If it continued for a long time after our talk, I would start watching for influences that I had overlooked or let slide before.

 

If it continued on to the point where I felt they were old enough to truly believe, I would let them do what they wanted as far as going to church, etc.

 

Just read Audrey's response and to clarify my own ... I would not take them to church but would let them go alone/with others once they reached an age where I let them go places without me/DH. I would not say grace, pray, etc myself or participate in their activities. At a young age I would let them be interested but discourage it. Older, I would stand back and let them choose their religious activities and interests, just like they'd choose violin or karate, but I wouldn't facilitate any activity I didn't agree with.

 

The bolded part made me :lol: . My youngest demanded we call her Iron Man the week she was potty training. I told her that was fine, but Iron Man wears panties, so she had to as well! It worked, what can I say? ROFL

[Desert Rat]

I would neither encourage or discourage their interest in religion.

My situation is a bit different because my dad is a Methodist minister. I am well versed in Christianity. I can answer many questions myself.

However, if they were interested in another religion, I would try to help them become educated.

When they ask what I believe, I'm very careful to emphasize that they are my beliefs only and they can choose their own path with no ill feelings from me.

I probably wouldn't take them to church. I wouldn't want to go myself and they are not old enough to be left with out an adult. If they wanted to go with my parents, I'd say okay.

[kwg]

I might check out this book; I have wanted to for a while just never get around to it- One World, Many Religions: The Ways We Worship

 

I might visit some different churches and temples with dc; like a cultural thing. But that would depend on age and interest and how long.

 

We might do a unit on something ....else if it was going on too long. SOmething where I could use Charlie's playhouse timeline :leaving:

[melissel]

If he were interested in art, you'd take him to a museum, so why not a church? You are helping him explore, not encouraging or discouraging one way or the other. He may not like the museum or he may. Same with church.

 

I wouldn't take my child to a museum that promoted views that I personally didn't agree with. I imagine actually taking a child to church would pose the same issues.

[kwg]

I wouldn't take my child to a museum that promoted views that I personally didn't agree with. I imagine actually taking a child to church would pose the same issues.

 

 

That is true-

[Rosie_0801]

I wouldn't take my child to a museum that promoted views that I personally didn't agree with. I imagine actually taking a child to church would pose the same issues.

 

There are levels of disagreement. "I don't agree, but I don't think this will damage you" v "I don't agree and this stuff is dangerous and I'm going to keep you far away!" Different atheists will put a different percentage of churches into each of those categories, I guess.

 

Rosie

[Ipsey]

I haven't read the other posts yet. I'm trying to come in with my gut reaction.

 

Fact is, my youngest attends a Christian day care and preschool. I was prepared by a friend who told me that one of the teachers was a very religious Christian and the other was more liberal.

 

Just my luck my son gets the very religious teacher.

 

Anyway, he's four. He comes home talking about God and Jesus. He told his 6-year-old sister the other day, "God is very, very real!"

 

She wanted to argue with him, but I told her the idea of God/gods aren't worth arguing about.

 

Four year old told me the other day he heard god tell him about . . . some toy or something :)

 

We don't encourage it. We don't go to church or pray at the table (though he wanted to do that too. His words, "At day care, we pray. 'We thank thee, Lord, for this our food, make me strong and make me good'. . . .except for I don't like the good part."

 

DH and I liked to croak!

 

Anyway, I'm rambling here. When he brings it up, we don't disagree with him, we just typically angle it and say, "Yes, Christians believe that Jesus was born as a baby . Yes, some people believe in gods, and some people believe in one god." We just cast it as a "help him to understand" sort of moment.

 

My friend, the one I referred to earlier, said her youngest daughter was very, "team Jesus" (her words) for about a year after the Christian Day care/preschool thing, but that it passed.

 

My eldest grew up with AWANAs and Sunday School and the like--and that's passed for them as well.

 

So, I'm not "worried" about the kids embracing Christianity, or religion, really. Especially at such a young age.

 

Um, anyway, that might not have anything useful there for you.

 

I'm going to read the other posts now :)

 

ETA: Oh, you said "elementary". Hmm, I'd have to think about that. When I was a kid, I went to a very liberal church with my mother, but when I went to jr high, I began to go to a very fundamentalist Christian church with a friend and stayed with it for the next 20 years.

 

I'd support my kids becoming involved in fundamentalism over my dead body. I'd try to negotiate and talk, and I know they could do whatever they wanted, but I'd never support it. I wish my parents had been better aware of the instruction I was getting in the church.

Edited November 29, 2011 by Ipsey

[Audrey]

I wouldn't take my child to a museum that promoted views that I personally didn't agree with. I imagine actually taking a child to church would pose the same issues.

 

 

Exactly.

[nmoira]

I wouldn't take my child to a museum that promoted views that I personally didn't agree with. I imagine actually taking a child to church would pose the same issues.

This.

 

My youngest sometimes talks about gods the way she talks about Santa, and and I do nothing to encourage or dissuade her any more than I did the week she spent as the Goddess of Cowgirl Vengeance (other than insisting she wear clothes when we left the house, something apparently anathema to the GCGV) . If she were older and seriously flirting with spirituality, I'd make sure she understands that it's her journey and not one I can help her with.

[Just Robyn]

When my kids say things about gods I take it to be them exploring ideas, not them committing to an idea, and I just ignore them (as they are usually talking to each other, not me). If they asked me about it I would hand them a book about various religions. My oldest asked if he could go to church and I sent him with my grandma because she doesn't go to an evangelical church. When he came back he said it was boring. My children went to Sunday School once and that will never happen again.

[Skadi]

If your (let's assume elementary aged) child were to suddenly begin asking questions about God, or praying before meals or bedtime, or otherwise expressing a sort of independent religious belief, how would you respond?

 

Psychologists pretty much agree that abstract thinking skills don't develop in children until adolescence (around 13 or so). I do not believe that younger children have the intellectual ability to truly discern abstract topics all by themselves using critical thinking skills, without just being unduly influenced by adults, entertainment, or what have you.

 

Until they have all the tools they need to be able to make their own decisions, I think taking the position of, "This is what our family believes," is the way to go.

 

Would you discourage it? Would you dismiss it as a phase and basically ignore it?

 

Yes, I would discourage it. I would also discourage a child who said their pets could communicate with them telepathically or that our house was haunted (that is to say, the child is not making pretend, but actually seems to take it a step farther and believes it to be true). One of the most important roles parents have is to help children decipher fantasy from reality.

 

What if that child began asking to attend a church, and you aren't UU'ers?

 

I wouldn't do it. Children are too easily swept up in pomp and circumstance. They wouldn't understand the theology, but they would see the fun arts and crafts, people singing together, the plays, etc. Again, it would be similar to a child asking to go on a ghost hunt with paranormal investigators. I think it's pretty harmless, but I wouldn't let my child indulge their fantasy for the sake of curiosity at such a young age because they would too easily become enamored with what other people were doing without understanding the subtitles of those abstract concepts.

 

Another factor here is that atheism is on the defense. It not a proselytizing belief. It's also in the vast minority in this country. That means that if I do not make a strong impression from the get-go to my children about what we believe and don't believe and why, I think there's a good chance our kids will just assimilate as they get older. It's not an even playing field, you know what I mean? I don't intend on sitting on my hands out of a misplaced sense of tolerance and open-mindedness, when I should be telling my kids that yes, I know it's really, really nice to think that we have another life after this one, that there's a benevolent being who is looking out for each and every one of us, etc. but despite how wonderful that would be, there just isn't any objective indication it exists.

 

If my kids decide to adopt religious beliefs as young teens, I won't prohibit them from pursuing that path. I'll probably challenge them with tough (but not mean) questions, but I won't love them any less. I just don't think that children have the necessary developmental tools necessary to make those kinds of decisions for themselves yet.

[jplain]

I'm responding as an atheist who attends a UU congregation with my kids.

My atheist DH chooses to stay home and sleep in. ;)

 

What if that child began asking to attend a church, and you aren't UU'ers?

(bolding mine)

 

I'm wondering what you mean by this, because there's a huge diversity of beliefs within UU congregations. Are you referring to specific objections to UUism, or do you just mean the hypothetical parents aren't comfortable with the idea of attending services, participating in UU religious ed, etc.? Or is it the idea of having to become a member? One can be involved in a UU congregation without ever formally becoming a member.

 

The UUs have no creed (there's nothing you are told you should believe), and their seven principles are pretty benign (see quote below). You don't even have to agree with all of them. :)

 

We, the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association, covenant to affirm and promote

• The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
  
• Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
  
• Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
  
• A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
  
• The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
  
• The goal of world community with peace, liberty and justice for all;
  
• Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
  

• (source)
  

I suspect most atheists wouldn't have much of a problem with any of the principles, aside from maybe the acceptance/encouragement one. (That one is a little tough for me.) But an atheist's comfort level with a UU church may also depend a lot on the individual congregation. Some have a more Christian vibe, some are more New Age-y, some more Humanist, etc.

Edited November 29, 2011 by jplain

[melissel]

Just to clarify (in case it matters) that that quote is not from me. Not sure how that happened though! What a weird quoting glitch...

 

ETA: Uh, never mind, I'll just go ahead and read more carefully now :scared:

Edited November 29, 2011 by melissel
I asked a question that was already answered!

[Skadi]

I suspect most atheists wouldn't have much of a problem with any of the principles, aside from maybe the acceptance/encouragement one. (That one is a little tough for me.) But an atheist's comfort level with a UU church may also depend a lot on the individual congregation. Some have a more Christian vibe, some are more New Age-y, some more Humanist, etc.

 

I attended two UU churches for a little while. There was as much political ideology inserted into those two churches as you might find in a religious church, except that it came from the liberal side of the spectrum. As a libertarian, I felt very out of place there. I like the idea of UU, but it almost seemed to me like since there were so many different types of beliefs welcome there, they saw politics as the unifying creed. How prevalent do you think that is, if you don't mind me de-railing the thread a little?

[melissel]

I attended two UU churches for a little while. There was as much political ideology inserted into those two churches as you might find in a religious church, except that it came from the liberal side of the spectrum. As a libertarian, I felt very out of place there. I like the idea of UU, but it almost seemed to me like since there were so many different types of beliefs welcome there, they saw politics as the unifying creed. How preventible do you think that is, if you don't mind me de-railing the thread a little?

 

Interesting question! Everyone I know who attends a UU church is extremely liberal.

 

:bigear:

[jplain]

I like the idea of UU, but it almost seemed to me like since there were so many different types of beliefs welcome there, they saw politics as the unifying creed. How prevalent do you think that is, if you don't mind me de-railing the thread a little?

That's a very good point. I completely understand how you'd feel out of place as a libertarian.

 

Yes, I think politics is a general unifier, especially when it comes to civil rights and social justice. I'm not nearly as liberal as some in my congregation, but I don't have any desire to discuss/debate. I do have to hold back an eye-roll once in a while. :D

 

On the other hand, I've only spent time with this one congregation. I'm curious to know how UU congregations in more conservative regions differ from mine, but I haven't had the opportunity to find out.

[PiCO]

If your (let's assume elementary aged) child were to suddenly begin asking questions about God, or praying before meals or bedtime, or otherwise expressing a sort of independent religious belief, how would you respond?

 

Would you discourage it? Would you dismiss it as a phase and basically ignore it? Would you indulge it? What if that child began asking to attend a church, and you aren't UU'ers?

 

Let's say, for the purposes of discussion, that this child has not been the recipient of a Chick Tract or powerful evangelism or pressure. Just sort of picked up the notion of a deity through reading myths and basic exposure to the culture.

 

I'm an atheist, as were my parents and grandparents. My father went to church from 5th grade through middle school, his parents let him walk there by himself. He studied the bible, read it through multiple times, went to Sunday school, etc. He stopped going when it became evident that the powers that be at the church could not answer his questions, and did not want him to question any more.

 

When my brother wanted to go to church, my father took us to a UU church. Df taught Sunday School there for a year. When it became evident that db had lost interest, we quit going.

 

I think I would do the same as my parents and grandparents. Allow church going to a certain extent, probably supervised depending on the church. I have no problem if my kids want to be believers, I think it would make their lives easier in the long run.

 

I doubt that would happen though- both my dds attended plenty of church with the in-laws, and have no interest at all.

[Lady Florida.]

It's not an issue in our house, as ds is as strong in his atheism as we are. However, under different circumstances I would not encourage it, nor would I take him to church. I would actively discourage it. Our family has certain beliefs and we want to pass them on to our son. Religion doesn't get any special treatment in our house. We are accepting of those around us who believe, but we wouldn't want our son to go there. He can make his own decision when he's old enough (actually he's old enough now), but we will do nothing to help him get there.

[delaney]

My 2 girls go to church with my parents and the thing is they are there for the social aspect and the snacks. They don't ever talk or reflect on religion. I think for kids church is less real as Sunday School is made fun for them. I would just answer questions and perhaps see if there is a family friend that has kids that attends that might take that child with them.

[Jennifer3141]

As devout atheists, ( :D ) DH and I would have a LOT of discussions about where this is coming from and we would actively discourage this path. No, I would not allow my kids to go to church unless it was a UU church. and even then, I'd be going along to check content.

[ravinlunachick]

Skadi, you pretty much nailed my concerns. My dd is pretty impressionable, and once she gets an idea in her head, you have to move heaven and earth (haha) to change it. I grew up in a Jesus Camp- type church, and I know that Sunday School most definitely made an impression on me from a young age, so I am very wary of that.

 

Jplain, I mentioned UU because that is the only church I am aware of that would welcome atheist members. I am positive there's others; UU is just all I know of. We actually used to attend a UU church when dd was an infant, but we drifted away. We made an effort to go again last year, but DH was extremely unhappy about it. I am fairly neutral wrt UU, and dd loved it. I am not willing, though, to attend services without him, and it is pretty far from our house, so.....yeah, not going to happen at this point.

[kalanamak]

If your (let's assume elementary aged) child were to suddenly begin asking questions about God, or praying before meals or bedtime, or otherwise expressing a sort of independent religious belief, how would you respond?

 

 

 

When I asked about it, my mother made it clear it was my business, with the heavy hint that it should stay my business. She believed one did not discuss religion or politics in the family, to maintain domestic cohesion and joy.

 

I would not drive him to church. I suspect his dad would, but honestly, I would be terrified there was something very bad going on with my son. He is so biology-minded, literal, etc. I would worry something was really scaring or troubling him if he had such a change in personality.

 

My poor touchy-feely-spacecadet husband is now living with two literalists. Asked if Papa had gone to the hardware store, son replied, "I don't know." When Papa was asked why he didn't tell son where he went, he said he did. I asked kiddo, who said, "Well, he TOLD me he was going there, but I didn't WITNESS it." I believe the Biblical term is "Doubting Thomas". :)

[Lady Florida.]

At one point I looked into UU. A mom in our hs group is a UU minister. The problem is dh is politically (mostly fiscally) conservative but socially liberal. In our local UU community at least, those who aren't flaming liberals would be uncomfortable. The welcome mat just isn't out for anyone who is even a little bit conservative.

[Laura Corin]

I'd go with their wishes. I wouldn't get in the way of praying or attending church. But, most of the churches around here are pretty liberal and not cultish. There are some churches that I have come across elsewhere that I would definitely be worried about: it's not okay to use your new interest to oppress or berate others in the family.

 

Laura

[Jennifer3141]

I'd go with their wishes. I wouldn't get in the way of praying or attending church. But, most of the churches around here are pretty liberal and not cultish. There are some churches that I have come across elsewhere that I would definitely be worried about: it's not okay to use your new interest to oppress or berate others in the family.

 

Laura

 

That's my problem! If we lived somewhere other than the deep "bible belt," I wouldn't have a problem with my kids checking out churches. But from the sermon signs I've seen out here, there's no way I'd let my kids hear that hate talk. Yuckola.

[chiguirre]

:iagree: with all those who say it depends on the church or religious organization. I take the kids to a Catholic church because dh really wanted them to do their first communions. We keep going because they sing in the choir and do scouts there. It doesn't bug me because I did the same thing when I was a kid and I turned out all right :D.

 

I absolutely wouldn't allow them to attend a VBS or Awana or services at an evangelical church because I don't want that kind of wedge in our family, I get enough of it around town. I feel comfortable with Catholicism, but you have to draw that line for yourself like Rosie (our sage from Down Under) said.

[Jenny in Florida]

I was that kid.

 

I was raised in an athiest/agnostic household. (My mother's views jumped around quite a bit during my youth.) From the time I was quite young, I was fascinated by the idea of a god, and definitely felt something lacking.

 

I experimented with lots of different ideas, including essentially inventing my own god, at various points in my life.

 

My mother was fairly tolerant. My father made it clear he thought it was nonsense.

 

I ended up an agnostic UU.

 

Since I'm not an athiest, I can't really answer your question. I can say that my husband -- who identifies as an agnostic but is actually closer to an athiest -- gets very cranky when we discuss religion. He attends church with us but is very clear on the fact that it's a purely social thing for him. And he is very uncomfortable when either I or our daughter express belief in anything beyond what he thinks is scientifically provable.

 

I can say that, for my daughter, this drives a wedge between her and her father.

 

I like to think that, if the situations were reversed and I was the athiest, I would be more supportive of and comfortable with my children's exploration. I like to think that I would approach this in the same way that I do most other things that interest my children, by doing some learning myself and then helping them explore in a thoughtful way, with a lot of discussion as we went. I can absolutely see myself taking said child to several houses of worship to check out how lots of different people "do church."

Edited November 29, 2011 by Jenny in Florida

[elfgivas]

hugs.... its hard.

[funschooler5]

Watching this thread with interest, because DD6 has been expressing interest in God too. The interesting thing is, she has not really brought it up to me. DD14 told me that she saw DD6 praying, and my mom told me that DD6 asked if she believed in heaven (my mom said yes, because she does). I think this all seems from DD6's fear of death...sometimes out of the blue, she will just burst into tears and say "I don't want to die." This is a first for us, as my older two never expressed those fears.

 

DS11 used to believe in God. I told him he could believe whatever he wanted to believe, and that there are a lot of people that believe in God, but Mom and Dad don't. A couple of years ago he told me he was an atheist now, and I said that's fine if it's what he really believes, but he doesn't have to think that way just because we do. He says it just makes sense to him, so I've left it at that. I haven't had this talk with DD6, but that's what I plan to say if she ever mentions it to me. She is very close with her brother and sister, so I suspect one of them has mentioned our beliefs.

 

I grew up in an agnostic household, and my parents encouraged me to believe whatever I wanted. I went to different churches with friends, and went through a religious phase as a teen before becoming an atheist. If DD6 wants to go to church when she is older, I'd encourage her to attend our local Lutheran church, as we know and like the pastor there (he married DH and I, and was DH's pastor when he was a kid). Plus, we know a lot of people that go there.

 

I guess I just want my kids to feel free to believe whatever they want. I don't hide my beliefs from them, but I'm not going to tell them that they're wrong for believing what they do. I really don't want one of them to resent me later on for pushing my beliefs on them.

[Cera]

I haven't read any of the responses but my second grader went through a phase last year where she was very interested in God and church. We bought the Usborne book of World Religions and learned about all of the different beliefs people had and then checked out a local UU church. It wound up being an issue of wanting to participate in something as many of her friends attend church or church sponsored activities multiple times a week (we are in the south).

[Cindyz]

My son is interested but in a "why do people believe that?" kind of way. He also told me the other night that sometimes he will pretend that he believes in God if he is around other people who believe. He was insistent for awhile that I say, "Bless You" whenever he sneezed. I agreed to say gesundheit and he seemed fine with that. He asked me if only people who believe in God say bless you when someone sneezes and I told him that I didn't know! Some people may say it even if they don't as it has become a custom in our culture that doesn't necessarily relate to religion or God. It seemed that he just wanted me to say something, and hasn't mentioned it since I started to say gesundheit.

 

If he started asking about church, I would probably approach it as we do any other subject he asks about. I'd get a few books from the library, watch a few youtube videos (satisfy his curiosity about what goes on in church), encourage him to talk and ask questions to relatives who I know could handle it, etc.

 

For the most part, we really don't make a deal about it. He has never asked me what I believe, and I haven't told him. I will answer whenever he does ask. He has decided on his own based purely from the study of science and history. I personally find it fascinating to watch his beliefs form.

[ravinlunachick]

I appreciate all the thoughtful replies. I can tell that this is going to be a long journey for us with Bug. Maybe I can figure out what to do sooner rather than later. And I thought potty training was hard, LOL!

[Wabi Sabi]

I might check out this book; I have wanted to for a while just never get around to it- One World, Many Religions: The Ways We Worship

 

I might visit some different churches and temples with dc; like a cultural thing. But that would depend on age and interest and how long.

 

Absolutely. We already read to the kids from a children's Bible, a Buddhist storybook, creation myths, some Richard Dawkins and other such books. If dc showed an interest it would be time to pull out the books and start doing more reading together.

 

I would consider taking them to church but ONLY if I went along and it was presented as more of a cultural study. There's no way I'd allow them to go to church alone.

 

I wouldn't do it. Children are too easily swept up in pomp and circumstance. They wouldn't understand the theology, but they would see the fun arts and crafts, people singing together, the plays, etc. Again, it would be similar to a child asking to go on a ghost hunt with paranormal investigators. I think it's pretty harmless, but I wouldn't let my child indulge their fantasy for the sake of curiosity at such a young age because they would too easily become enamored with what other people were doing without understanding the subtitles of those abstract concepts.

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Absolutely agree with every bit of this. They're just too young and impressionable, IMO.

 

It's not an issue in our house, as ds is as strong in his atheism as we are. However, under different circumstances I would not encourage it, nor would I take him to church. I would actively discourage it. Our family has certain beliefs and we want to pass them on to our son. Religion doesn't get any special treatment in our house. We are accepting of those around us who believe, but we wouldn't want our son to go there. He can make his own decision when he's old enough (actually he's old enough now), but we will do nothing to help him get there.

 

As devout atheists, ( :D ) DH and I would have a LOT of discussions about where this is coming from and we would actively discourage this path. No, I would not allow my kids to go to church unless it was a UU church. and even then, I'd be going along to check content.

 

Yep, the only difference being that I'd be willing to take them to some churches within a certain context. As a kid in confirmation class we were required, as a group, to spend 8 weeks visiting different churches every week. I remember that time with great fondness and I do think that when my kids are older I'd like to do the same with them. I find it interesting from the stance of religious and cultural studies, not indoctrination.

[ravinlunachick]

I heard an interview tonight on NPR with the author of The Phantom Tollbooth. Something he said really struck a chord with me regarding this issue. I am paraphrasing, but as I recall, he said, "We sometimes mistakenly believe that our job is to lead a child to a specific point of view, when what we OUGHT to be doing is making an opening for an encounter with the creative."

 

 

I will have to think about this much more. I will definitely up the sharing of myths and other religions and see where that leads us.