ondreeuh Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 My youngest turns 4 next month. He goes to a 2.5 hour preschool five days a week through the local community school. I signed him up because this is the only activity for preschoolers in the village. We don't have any classes, library, or park. There are only four other kids in Pre-K and 3 are younger than he is. He is having a really, really hard time behaving well. At school, he has an extremely short fuse and it takes very little to set him off. When he gets angry, he acts impulsively. Sometimes he stomps and yells, but he also shoves, hits, and throws. :crying: He freaks out if someone grabs or is mean, and the other kids do that constantly. They even do it on purpose to set him off which drives me crazy, and their behavior gets overlooked because he has to be disciplined. When there is any type of competition or racing, he falls apart if he doesn't win. I am doing my best to address the behavior. I stay in the classroom so I can intervene and coach him through his frustration. I work with the other kids on asking for a turn rather than just grabbing, and constantly facilitate "using your words." He knows that if someone does something that he doesn't like, he should ask them to please stop. If they don't stop, then he is to ask me or his teacher to help. He knows this. It's not getting better, though. He doesn't act any better when I'm not in the room, either. I know a big part of the problem is that he is a devoted napper and normally naps from 1-4. Preschool is from 1-3:30 and he is overtired. I can't get him to sleep in - he wakes up before 7. So he's overtired and put in a frustrating situation, and he's too impulsive to apply what he knows he should do. At home, he is mostly cooperative and reasonable, and can entertain himself for hours with Legos, art projects, action figures, etc. He loves to play games but I choose things that are cooperative and not win/lose. Actually, I unconsciously parent in a way that doesn't push his buttons (offering choices, rewarding positive behavior, asking him for help) and I also don't grab things out of his hands or taunt him. I'm trying to decide if I should just pull him out of preschool and give him some time to mature. In the meantime I can work with him on more challenging/frustrating situations like win/lose games and also get stricter about using 1-2-3-Magic. Is it important that he learn how to deal with frustrating kids right now, or can he try again next year after he's older and the other kids have hopefully learned how to behave better as well? (I'm exhausted, frustrated, and very humbled right now - please be gentle). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renmew Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 No advice, but I will be interested in what others say. Two of my three are similar. Hugs :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Andrea, I would take him out and try again next year. Don't take him tomorrow. Instead, play with him, snuggle and read and do all the things you do as a loving and engaged mother, and after lunch put him down for a proper nap. He's still only three. The predictable afternoon nap and ongoing calm interaction with Mommy are so much more important than socializing with peers. I know that my way means he'll only have you and Daddy because preschool is the only place where kids are. I understand that. I still think I'm right. He'll grow and change so much in a year, and will almost certainly be ready to learn how to go to preschool at almost 5. (I hope this sounded gentle. It was meant to. :grouphug: ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 What's wrong with giving him time to mature? What is the big benefit of preschool at this point? I am wondering... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I'm trying to decide if I should just pull him out of preschool and give him some time to mature. That's what I'd do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celia Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 In your shoes, I'd pull him out. The naptime thing is huge, and a tired preschooler isn't a teachable one! He's not having fun. You're not having fun. What's the real benefit here? Let the little man snooze :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I personally would not have my child in a class at a time when they ordinarily and "devotedly" nap. None of my kids were in preschool, but for a comparison, we go to a homeschool co-op on Fridays, so there have always been times when I had nappers, but we were at co-op. I didn't put my still-napping children in classes at those times. They were either at co-op with me, or none of my kids had afternoon classes. In your specific situation as you describe it, I would probably make a conscious choice to play some win/lose games with him. I am not anti-competition in the first place, though, so YMMV. I have always had my kids in both competitive and cooperative situations because both skills have value. We played checkers and chess, card games and board games; my kids also played sports. I like for them to have that exposure because I want them to know that it's nothing personal and no big deal. It's good for them to have many experiences losing, so they can learn to be a gracious loser and winning, so they can learn to be a gracious winner. I agree with the parenting aspects that you described, though. I would not grab things away from my child to "teach" them that some people do that. ;) Just my .02. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 i would keep him home. A big move and now school might just be too much for him. Enjoy the time at home with him. Maybe set up a playdate in the morning with the other kids instead. Then it is on better terms for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I say take him out. Young children are supposed to be home with their mothers, learning how to behave properly, rather than being in a group of other equally immature children, where they will *not* learn how to behave properly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I remember a preschool teacher that had taught many years reminding me how much even a summer can make in a young child's life. I was questioning sending a student to K the next year. He won't nap forever. I would bring him home and rethink things next year. :grouphug: Too bad it's not in the morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Another vote for keeping him home. There doesn't seem to be any benefit of it. The kids aren't "socializing" properly. Try again next year. No harm done. :001_smile::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I taught preschool for 10 years. I detest afternoon preschool because the children are never at their best, even if they aren't nappers anymore. For a napper, it'd be counterproductive. Pls take him out. You can schedule a playdate with other kids, in the am when things aren't overwhelming. There's absolutely nothing he'll learn in preschool that you can't teach him at home--sometimes much more efficiently, effectively, and effortlessly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linguistmama Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I would also pull him out. It's ok if he gets most of his social time with you and the rest of his family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Don't beat yourself up over it. Let him nap this year and give preschool a try again next year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I agree with the others! I understand you are trying to provide him with some social opportunities but he is young and those opportunities aren't quite as meaningful as you may imagine. It sounds like he would do much better at home. Don't worry about giving him practice being around other children. He can do that later. I personally do not believe that kids fare better with other kids just because they start being in groups or classes at a young age. Yep, take him out and give all of you a break! He truly can learn much more from you, even about being nice to others, than from being in preschool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I'd try again next year, too. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I know a big part of the problem is that he is a devoted napper and normally naps from 1-4. Preschool is from 1-3:30 and he is overtired. I can't get him to sleep in - he wakes up before 7. So he's overtired I think you already have your answer, and maybe just want confirmation. Let's put it this way...if he weren't already signed up, would you pay to sign him up for something he doesn't enjoy and leaves him sleep deprived? Especially since he's happy at home with you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 He truly can learn much more from you, even about being nice to others, than from being in preschool. I think this is what it boils down to, isn't it? Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 I think you already have your answer, and maybe just want confirmation. Let's put it this way...if he weren't already signed up, would you pay to sign him up for something he doesn't enjoy and leaves him sleep deprived? Especially since he's happy at home with you? Well, it's free :tongue_smilie:. He went to a great preschool last spring and adjusted very well. It was in the morning, though, and the teacher was very strict about good behavior from everyone. He was also moved up with older kids who had better manners. I was hoping this would be a similar experience, but obviously it's not. I would like him to be in the Christmas play ... maybe we can work something out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 If you want him to try pre-school, what if he just went 1 or maybe 2 days a week? Give him a chance to wind down between visits, so to speak. Though I think keeping him home all together sounds like a good idea too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 If you want him to try pre-school, what if he just went 1 or maybe 2 days a week? Give him a chance to wind down between visits, so to speak. Though I think keeping him home all together sounds like a good idea too. That's a good idea. It would keep him enrolled and give him some practice, without it being too much of a negative cycle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 sounds like the similar issues we had with my ds when we tried pre-school....it lasted a week LOL brought him home and started doing more homeschooley stuff with him.....he already knew alot of the basic stuff and was learning to read and I really only tried preschool so he could be around other kids..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Can you put him in a morning program? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 There is no way I would choose preschool over nap. Can you get phone numbers for the kids in his class and set up one on one play dates at times that would work better for him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I would take him out. Preschool should be a positive experience and this isn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I don't believe in preschool. Children that young need mommies and siblings, not teachers and friends. They need freedom to play, not structured play. They need to explore and hear literature read aloud, not academics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 I remember a preschool teacher that had taught many years reminding me how much even a summer can make in a young child's life. I was questioning sending a student to K the next year. He won't nap forever. I would bring him home and rethink things next year. :grouphug: Too bad it's not in the morning. I suggested moving preschool to the morning, but was told "This is the way we have always done it." Plus, three of the other four kids wouldn't come to morning Pre-K because they sleep in. One sleeps till noon. So, we're stuck with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I'd homeschool him. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 sounds like the similar issues we had with my ds when we tried pre-school....it lasted a week LOL brought him home and started doing more homeschooley stuff with him.....he already knew alot of the basic stuff and was learning to read and I really only tried preschool so he could be around other kids..... Yep, we also only did preschool for him to be around other kids. The "academics" they are doing are stuff he has mastered. I have plenty of Pre-K stuff at home so I'm not concerned about him missing out on anything academically. I will try for playdates, if I can catch the other kids when they are awake ;). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 I don't believe in preschool. Children that young need mommies and siblings, not teachers and friends. They need freedom to play, not structured play. They need to explore and hear literature read aloud, not academics. :001_huh: Well, when you have a population where the moms work and family members watch the kids, no one does what you would consider basic pre-academics with their children (the kids aren't taught letters, colors, numbers, or counting), families don't own books and don't read to children, and the kids watch SpongeBob all day ... you see the value of preschool. This preschool does include read alouds, literature, and lots of free play. Half the time they are building out of blocks, dressing up in costumes, and racing around on scooters in the gyms. They get real fruit for snacks and learn about healthy foods. I see your point, that I can provide what my son really needs, but he is fortunate to have a family that can provide that for him. The other kids deserve to have opportunities, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 PUll him out. Staying and having him in a situation that is more than he can handle will make him worse, not better. Why on earth would putting an overtired 3 year old in a frustrating situation ever be a good idea??? Just because they call it preschool? It sounds like he is being set up to fail. Not a good idea. bring him home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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