Onceuponatime Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Do you ever think about this? I've been trying to be more positive and more aware of how my words and actions affect others and I've really become aware of how easy it is to slip into the complaining mode. I've also noticed that it seems to be pervasive among the people I associate with. So much so that I almost feel embarrassed or out of place if I don't have some small negative thing to say about something! I not talking about serious complaints that need to be addressed and acted on in a timely manner. I'm talking about general griping. Now that I notice it more, it's really starting to irritate me. In fact this post is a complaint. :D I don't want to be a Pollyanna, but recently I've felt like saying "It's not all that bad" to quite a number of people that I know. How do you address negativity? Do you say nothing at all if you can't say something nice? (Is there anyone who actually does that?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5wolfcubs Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I read a book not long ago called A Complaint Free World. I think I even posted about it here. The author wore a rubberband type bracelet and whenever he complained he'd switch it to the other wrist. His goal was to wear it on only one wrist for 21 (I think) days. The 21 days started again each time he switched wrists. We have a brand new puppy and it is supposed to rain for several days. I think I should go get a rubberband! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunty Social Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) . Edited May 17, 2013 by Aunty Social Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Hmmm, there MUST be a reason I have the book "Learned Optimism" on hold at the library. I don't know about the whole culture (yes, I do know what you're saying). But, I do want things to change in our household and family line and that starts with me. And, there is just really nothing more unpleasant than a physically, educationally and relationally privileged child complaining--at least when that child is my own. :glare: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Yep. People love to complain. Check this out: :D puts things in perspective for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I read a book not long ago called A Complaint Free World. I think I even posted about it here. The author wore a rubberband type bracelet and whenever he complained he'd switch it to the other wrist. His goal was to wear it on only one wrist for 21 (I think) days. The 21 days started again each time he switched wrists. We have a brand new puppy and it is supposed to rain for several days. I think I should go get a rubberband! :lol: I thought he snapped it on his wrist--whew. I'd have a welt the size of Cleveland if I did that--but change it to the other wrist, I could do! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 :lol::lol::lol: Are we really complaining ABOUT complaining? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Yep. People love to complain. Check this out: :D puts things in perspective for me. Ugh. It won't play beyond 1:49. Stupid internet connection (;)). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Ugh. It won't play beyond 1:49. Stupid internet connection (;)). :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret in GA Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Yep. People love to complain. Check this out: :D puts things in perspective for me. :lol: That was great. Thanks for making me laugh!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang!Zoom! Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Yep. People love to complain. Check this out: :D puts things in perspective for me. Fun-knee! That was a good one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 It seems that it is so much easier to complain and find what is wrong instead of focusing on what is going right. That was one of the reasons I liked One Thousand Gifts. It just made me think about if I would note everything that was good around me and write it down, it could change how I viewed my life. I guess cultivate gratefulness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 :lol::lol::lol: Worked in Chrome. :hurray: That was great! I've been seated on planes and actually thought the same thing myself. Why is everyone acting so bored? This is COOL! I'm that annoying alert person on a 4 hour flight. :D It probably helps that I don't fly much... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 A little time in a 3rd world country has put a lot of things into perspective for us. When we actually complain it's because of bigger things--mostly the rain being so dangerous to our neighbors seeing as how we live on the side of a mountain and also the 5 earthquakes we had yesterday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Do you ever think about this? I've been trying to be more positive and more aware of how my words and actions affect others and I've really become aware of how easy it is to slip into the complaining mode. I've also noticed that it seems to be pervasive among the people I associate with. So much so that I almost feel embarrassed or out of place if I don't have some small negative thing to say about something! I not talking about serious complaints that need to be addressed and acted on in a timely manner. I'm talking about general griping. Now that I notice it more, it's really starting to irritate me. In fact this post is a complaint. :D I don't want to be a Pollyanna, but recently I've felt like saying "It's not all that bad" to quite a number of people that I know. How do you address negativity? Do you say nothing at all if you can't say something nice? (Is there anyone who actually does that?) Thank you for posting this. It is too easy slip into role of chronic complainer without noticing yourself but others certainly will. If (general) you whine too frequently, the upbeat people will drift away from you, and you will find yourself surrounded by other whiners, many of whom create or perpetuate the very situations they whine about to others. Like you, I am not a Pollyanna but a realist. However, when a person's focus is too skewered toward bellyaching, they can sometimes immobilize themselves in misery and fail to see that there may be solutions to their problem. I have a mentally ill relative who radiates persistent negativity. I tell her things like, "I can only listen to this a few minutes but I'll be happy to brainstorm with you to come up with actions you can take to address your problem" or "What positive thing have you done or can do about your situation?" If she makes blanket generalization such as "All men are liars," I will ask how she can change her dating guidelines or screening process to weed out those with serious character flaws. Additionally, she has a very clingy dependent personality because she wants others to take responsibility for decisions. This relative, who also suffers from deteriorating physical ailment, made an unwise decision to undertake a course of action in light of the physical ailment. Now she is whining about how hard it is to _______ in her condition. I reminded her that she supposedly considered all the physical factors when she made her emotional decision. Whatever convinced her that she could handle it physically should still be applicable. Even if you have resolved to avoid whining, it is seductively easy to lapse back into it. In fact, it was my family that pointed out to me that I was whining more about my relative than she was to them. A wee bit was justified because I have a certain legal and moral obligation as her guardian. However, I was allowing my venting to dominate my own family time. It was downright unhealthy, and although it was painful to hear, I am glad they were honest with me. Endless yammering about the same old situation is giving energy to it. Too-frequent complaining is just another form of self-absorption in my opinion. I regret the years that I spent indulging in it. Resiliency, the ability to put things into perspective, brush off minor nuisances,and insulate yourself from being offended by those who disagree with you are important life coping skills that will smooth the way for all of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I think about this a lot, and someone else's explanation about spending time in a third world country helping you gain perspective helped me, too. (I spent about a year in a third world country in my early 20's.) Another thing that has helped me over the years is all of the WW2 books I have read! I know that may sound strange. That subject has always been a huge interest of mine, even at a young age; so from then on, almost anything that happened in my life did not seem as bad. :) Now that something almost as bad HAS happened (in my personal life), I still try and be positive by focusing on the little blessings. I think this is one of the greatest gifts I can give to my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 Yep. People love to complain. Check this out: :D puts things in perspective for me. That was great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 :lol::lol::lol: Are we really complaining ABOUT complaining? Yep. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Yep. People love to complain. Check this out: :D puts things in perspective for me. I LOVE that video. It's so true! I have a friend who complains all. the. time. About every. tiny. thing. She's about to move away and I'm counting the days. She is a drain, and every response I have to her complaining invariably begins with, "Yes, but..." I won't even go to a restaurant with her because I have literally never been out with her when she hasn't complained about something, anything... I don't recommend movies or food or books or anything because if it doesn't meet her expectations, I will hear the complaints, with a patronizing look that asks how I could possibly have enjoyed that movie, food, book, etc. It is emotionally exhausting to be around her, especially when so many people in this country would be incredibly happy with the life she has. (And yes, I'm complaining but no, she doesn't have any real problems. Really, I promise.) Yes, I complain. But most of the time, I try to keep things in perspective, put on my big girl panties and appreciate the ways in which I'm blessed. Overall, I am pretty darn blessed. Maybe excessive complaining comes from being too forgetful about that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I have noticed this, too. I think that I used to be like this myself, but I'm not sure. I know that I never noticed it, until I went back to work when my DD was 2 1/2. I noticed that everyone complained all the darn time. All. The. Time. And I wondered, was it always like this? Was I like this before? Is it just that having made a commitment to raising my dD in a positive environment has been more of a change than I thought? I consciously try not to do this anymore, to this day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I don't want to be a Pollyanna, but recently I've felt like saying "It's not all that bad" to quite a number of people that I know. How do you address negativity? Do you say nothing at all if you can't say something nice? (Is there anyone who actually does that?) Oh, say it! Say it! :D I usually say something along the lines of, "Well, in the grand scheme of things..." with a slight bob of the head to the side. :lol: The sad fact is that being positive in a community of complainers will sometimes get you attacked. Some people like to play the victim. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "Well, sure, for you..." as if my life is a bed of roses. My sister is a complainer. She has complained for years about not having a girl (after having three healthy boys). When I was pregnant with DS8, she whined to my mother that she was sure I was going to have a girl because I was so lucky. Before DS, I had lost three babies to miscarriage! Lucky schmucky! I was (and am) infinitely grateful to have a healthy baby at all, and it certainly wouldn't occur to me to complain about the gender. In my experience, people addicted to complaining don't want to be minimized, even if their "plight" is minimal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I try not to be a complainer. I find life is much more pleasant when you seek the positive. We create the environment we want. If we surround ourselves with negativity then the people you associate with will be negative, you will perceive you only have bad luck, you will be miserable at work, you will be unable to count your blessings. Since trying to be a more positive person I find that when the people around me are being negative that is very jarring and unpleasant and it irritates me to no end. I have some friends where some days I am left wondering if they even like their own children. There are also days when I just complain away. Misery loves company. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 This is probably true elsewhere, but I am only speaking of my own experiences. I find many people around here to be mired in negative thinking. This is especially true among the older people who are on the coffee gossip circuit. Their only topics for discussion are either a litany of complaints about their own health and finances or bemoaning the poor health and finances of others. Sometimes, it seems almost like a competition -- to see who is most miserable. My own FIL is like this very much. You cannot have an uplifting conversation with him at all. He always turns everything into a negative. It is draining. He wonders why more of his children don't visit very often. It is because he never has anything positive to say, and because all of his conversation is about him. In all the years I have known him, he has not once asked me how I'm doing, or how my son is doing. A normal person would ask these things just as casual polite conversation, but he cannot seem to manage that. I put people like that in the category of 'toxic people.' They poison you with their constant negativity. I try to avoid it when I can, or if I can't, I still try to turn the topic to something more positive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Some people are happiest when they are unhappy, it's true. There is a fair amount of that in my family. I try to avoid it, but I do like a good rant now and then! If I'm in a situation where everyone is complaining, I'll usually just smile and nod and keep quiet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*~Tina~* Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 This is a fantastic thread. It brings me joy to see the collective thoughts of this forum bursting with vigor and passion. My day is now a bit brighter and I will go forth to that crowded grocery store and because of you I will smile instead of running people down with my cart. I will be thankful for whatever they have on the shelves instead of expressing my sincere valid concerns over the challenged stock array. And...and I WILL, yes I will greet the cashier with friendly chatter and thank her ever so kindly even if she places my food items in the same bag as my cleaning supplies. Thank you, thank you...have a most wonderful day. Making the world a better place...one unspoken complaint at a time :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieH Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 You have got to see this youtube video about "first world problems" . My DAUGHTER shared it with me when I was complaining about some ridiculous, unimportant issue. She said " mom, that's such a first world problem" and she sent me a link to this video. Very well done..by a kid! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2p5svFJ9cQ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 You have got to see this youtube video about "first world problems" . My DAUGHTER shared it with me when I was complaining about some ridiculous, unimportant issue. She said " mom, that's such a first world problem" and she sent me a link to this video. Very well done..by a kid! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2p5svFJ9cQ Oh! That is gooooood! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2p5svFJ9cQ That made me chuckle. I think I know a few people who need to see it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieH Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Oh! That is gooooood! :D That made me chuckle. I think I know a few people who need to see it. The part about not being able to find the right cover to the tupperware was a riot..I mean, who among us does not ever have that problem and complain about it? LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Oh, Oh! I have a book recommendation. Choosing Easy World, by Julia Rogers Hamrick. I love this book - love it, love it! The title says it all. It's about choosing to live in Easy World rather than being seduced into living in Difficult World (where most of us live). In other words, choosing to see and live the good, and trusting that everything is happening for your ultimate good, rather than choosing to complain and focus on the bad. Disclaimer - this is one of the most Pollyanna-ish books I've ever read and you have to be ready for joy and optimism before you pick it up, otherwise it will just make you mad and you'll complain about it. :) Her affirmations crack me up, but I've been using them for the past three weeks through some huge ups and downs that have struck my family out of nowhere and it has done us all so much good. "I live in Easy World where everything is easy!" I chirp this to myself before dealing with difficult people, handling business, going into stressful situations, dealing with problems.....and in every case so far something crazy easy has happened when I had no reason to expect it to. So much fun. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 In our family, we occasionally remind each other to avoid Observational Negativity. It's so self-perpetuating. I understand, say, grousing if a brand new tire goes flat. That would annoy most of us. But it's far too easy to then start thinking (and worse, commenting), "And the guy who fixed it was kind of rude. And I suspect he overcharged me. And the dry cleaner didn't even get the spot out of my skirt. And the garden looks shabby. And the neighbor's rooster woke me this morning. And...and..and...". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Yes. In fact, I've noticed it in myself quite a bit lately. For example, the other day we were at a housewarming party (held outside) - and it was cold and damp out. Instead of focusing on how great the music was, how beautiful our friend's new house was, and enjoying my time with friends, I was complaining about being cold. Not very attractive. The worst part was I could hear it coming out of my mouth, but wasn't able to stop.:confused: The area we grew up in has a victim culture (everyone's out to get you, you know:lol:) and it's very hard to break that habit - especially if I've been talking with family a lot. I'll be looking for any tips on how to get out of this habit! I think think victim culture has expanded. Or you grew up in my area. :D It's funny how the people who have HUGE things to complain about rarely do, while those with relatively charmed lives can find just about anything to be displeased about. True story: we have a member at work who is very physically challenged. I'm not sure whether he has severe CP or had a severe brain injury, but he takes the bus in and wheels himself down to the wellness center with great effort to work out every day. Every. Day. I cannot imagine the effort he puts forth just to get there, move from machine to machine, etc. (I should put so much into everything I do) Anyway, one day another member complained to our COO because his vocalizing (with profound effort, on the rowing machine, in his wheelchair) annoys her. :001_huh: yeah, what you're looking for, lady, are called earbuds. You can wear them while you pedal at 1/2 mph on the recumbent bike and read your Kindle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I LOVE that video. It's so true! I have a friend who complains all. the. time. About every. tiny. thing. She's about to move away and I'm counting the days. She is a drain, and every response I have to her complaining invariably begins with, "Yes, but..." I won't even go to a restaurant with her because I have literally never been out with her when she hasn't complained about something, anything... I don't recommend movies or food or books or anything because if it doesn't meet her expectations, I will hear the complaints, with a patronizing look that asks how I could possibly have enjoyed that movie, food, book, etc. It is emotionally exhausting to be around her, especially when so many people in this country would be incredibly happy with the life she has. (And yes, I'm complaining but no, she doesn't have any real problems. Really, I promise.) Yes, I complain. But most of the time, I try to keep things in perspective, put on my big girl panties and appreciate the ways in which I'm blessed. Overall, I am pretty darn blessed. Maybe excessive complaining comes from being too forgetful about that? I think we have the same friend. :glare: I used to invite her to all kinds of events and things I enjoyed, wanting to share those with her but she would complain about everything. I no longer suggest or share things I like with her because I walk away feeling horrible. If you gave her $1M, she's gripe that the bills weren't faced, or that they're in too large of denominations. She'd grip about SOMETHING! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I think we have the same friend. :glare: I used to invite her to all kinds of events and things I enjoyed, wanting to share those with her but she would complain about everything. I no longer suggest or share things I like with her because I walk away feeling horrible. If you gave her $1M, she's gripe that the bills weren't faced, or that they're in too large of denominations. She'd grip about SOMETHING! I have that friend too! I nicknamed her "Calamity Jane" in my head. It helps me endure the complaining. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Friederike in Persia Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 You have got to see this youtube video about "first world problems" . My DAUGHTER shared it with me when I was complaining about some ridiculous, unimportant issue. She said " mom, that's such a first world problem" and she sent me a link to this video. Very well done..by a kid! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2p5svFJ9cQ I esp. liked the something beeped and I didn't know what!! When our electricity goes (which it does all the time), everything goes very quiet!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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