Managing Bank Accounts

[AlmiraGulch]

My fiancee and I have been discussing how we are going to manage our finances once we're married. As a bit of background, my income is considerably greater than his, but so are my financial obligations.

 

We fully intend to share in the household expenses, but we aren't exactly sure how to do that, tactically speaking, nor are we certain how we're going to deal with the rest of it (the non-household expenses).

 

We see a few options (and note that we're not talking about savings here, just checking):

 

1. Combine everything into one checking account and pay everything from there, including those obligations that are each of ours exclusively (e.g., my school loan payments and his child support payments)

 

2. Chunk everything into one account, pay everything out of it, and each of us take a set dollar amount or percentage into our own accounts as "mad money".

 

3. Keep everything separate. Decide who's going to pay what up front (eg. I'll pay "my" bills, plus the mortgage and electric; he'll pay for "his" bills, plus groceries and the rest of the utilities)

 

It would probably be easiest to just combine everything and pay everything out of that account, but we both like the idea of keeping our own separate accounts, too. If we do that, then we have to determine how much goes in those accounts? A set, equal dollar amount? A percentage equal to our individual incomes?

 

Also, if we decide to have one account for all of the "mutual" expenses and then keep the rest separate, how do we decide how much goes into that main account? Again....a set dollar amount per person (like half the total)? Or a percent of our individual incomes?

 

It's not a source of contention at all. We'll figure it out before the time comes where we need to. I'm just curious how everyone else does it, particularly if you've combined families/incomes, rather than starting out from scratch when you got married.

 

I'm going to try to post a poll, but I'm not sure I"ll do it right. If I get it up, your vote AND your explanations will be greatly appreciated!

Edited July 18, 2011 by QValencia

[Wheres Toto]

When DH and I got married, we merged everything and paid everything out of the joint account. At the time, we were both working and he made considerably more than I did. In all honesty, I was barely able to cover my expenses before we were married. He pays a lot of things that would be considered "my" expenses especially things for dd.

 

One thing I would look at in all your scenarios is what would happen if one person stopped working? Would they lose out on the opportunity to have "mad money"? would they get an allowance from the working spouse?

[nukeswife]

We have one main account and then dh and I have separate accounts as well. The main joint account is where his direct deposit from the DOD goes. Then I do an online transfer for money that goes to his account (which is what he uses when on deployment that way he doesn't use money in a foreign country without knowing what I'm doing at home) and to my account for all our homeschooling/outside classes for the kids.

[AlmiraGulch]

 

One thing I would look at in all your scenarios is what would happen if one person stopped working? Would they lose out on the opportunity to have "mad money"? would they get an allowance from the working spouse?

 

This is a great question. I hate the idea of an "allowance" for a spouse. If one of us stops working, for whatever reason, everything will have to be reworked anyway. I just don't like the idea of having to somehow be indebted to the other. To me, keeping stuff separate feels much like a roommate situation instead of husband and wife.

 

On the other hand, I'm not really comfortable with NOT having money of my own, to do with what I want, without having to consult with someone else. I suppose that may be a product of having been my own sole provider for so long.

[AlmiraGulch]

We have one main account and then dh and I have separate accounts as well. The main joint account is where his direct deposit from the DOD goes. Then I do an online transfer for money that goes to his account (which is what he uses when on deployment that way he doesn't use money in a foreign country without knowing what I'm doing at home) and to my account for all our homeschooling/outside classes for the kids.

 

I'm certainly not asking for dollar amounts, but how did you decide how much to put into your separate accounts? Is it an actual dollar amount, based on how much is left over? Is it a percentage of the whole?

[Parrothead]

I have one account that is the main account which pays bills and pay is deposited. I have two different savings accounts in addition to the main account. All three are at separate banks.

[BlsdMama]

I vote for one account. Dave Ramsey has some strong feelings on this and I tend to agree. Husbands and wives should be united, it's just too easy to go from "ours" to "yours" and "mine." You know, that mindset that says, "It's *my* money, I can spend it if I want..." It just tends to be exclusive instead of inclusive, kwim? And I know no one ever INTENDS for it to get this way, but it's a slippery slope. You can have resentment build up and/or selfishness.

[AlmiraGulch]

I can't speak to the second marriage issues, but imo, all of it should be "our" expenses and "our" money. When you marry each other, you really are taking over each other's debts: what will he do if you lose your job? Will he let your student loans default? I would hope not. You might be interested in Dave Ramesey's thoughts on this. I hope this doesn't sound not nice in any way, I don't intend it that way. :)

Not at all!

 

We both think of it pretty much the way you describe. From a very practical standpoint, though, if we were to eventually divorce I would not expect him to take any unpaid portion of my school loans with him as debt. I would not expect either of us to take any portion of the other's 401(k) that was built prior to our marriage. I would not expect to contribute to child support for his children. So we'll have a prenup covering this sort of thing, but the fact is I don't expect to need to execute it and so I'm interested in learning how others, particularly those who were married as adults bringing in their own debts and assets, handle the day-to-day business of....well...the business part of the marriage.

[LisaKinVA]

My husband and I have a joint account for all household/family obligations.

 

We have separate savings accounts that DH deposits our monthly "school budget" into, along with clothing budget, and swimming budget -- because we want to make sure we set that amount aside each month for the next year (that way I can buy when things are on-sale, or I find a great price on a used set of curricula).

 

We set our auto money, property taxes, and house maintenance budget into my DH's savings account.

 

We each take $100 a month for "mad money" -- this is in cash, to use on whatever.

 

Essentially we really use our savings accounts like the "envelope system." Things are broken out on paper, but stay in the savings account. We transfer money into our main account when we make purchases.

 

We also have a separate, long-term "rainy day" account. Each of our children have savings accounts.

[YLVD]

I guess that I'm going to go against the grain here, according to the voting.

I think that it's ideal for there to be one account for shared expenses with each person having their own accounts.

 

Most marriage therapists that I've come across seem to favor that arrangement and I can see why. It's important to still have some control over your own money matters, for men and women. I also hate to say this but I've seen too many men or women in a whole of trouble when a spouse decides to leave, and take all of the money with him. I had to help a friend through that. :sad:

[AlmiraGulch]

I vote for one account. Dave Ramsey has some strong feelings on this and I tend to agree. Husbands and wives should be united, it's just too easy to go from "ours" to "yours" and "mine." You know, that mindset that says, "It's *my* money, I can spend it if I want..." It just tends to be exclusive instead of inclusive, kwim? And I know no one ever INTENDS for it to get this way, but it's a slippery slope. You can have resentment build up and/or selfishness.

 

I agree, and that's what I'm trying to avoid. I guess I'm also trying to avoid the resentments of "why should i have to pay for that when it's your debt before you even met me" and "why should i have to pay more for that just because I make more money" or whatever. Not that either of us feels this way. We don't. At all. I just want to try to put the right tools/base in place so that neither of us comes to feel that way, and everything in my first marriage was BAD when it came to money, so I'm looking for wisdom from others to try not to repeat the errors of the past.

[WishboneDawn]

I'll just let you know what we do.

 

We have three main accounts:

 

Chequing - All money goes into this and all bills are paid from this (This is no fee because we have several products like accounts, mortgage, etc with this bank).

 

Savings 1 - We add up ALL bills we'll have over the course of a year from electricity to property tax, divide by 26 and then that amount automatically goes from chequing to that account every two weeks. That way the bill money is always put away before anything else is spent. When we need to pay a bill we transfer money back into the chequing and pay it from there.

 

Savings 2 - Again, every 2 weeks a set amount goes in here for bigger purchases we make. It should be an emergency savings account though and that's what we're trying to start right now.

 

Allowances and weekly expences like gas, groceries, entertainment, etc. are taken out of the chequing account once a week. We use Gail Vaz Oxlade's jar system. It's basically a revised envelope system.

 

There's no real reason to use a savings account for bills and transfer the money to chequing except that when set up this way we pay no banking fees. Another chequing account would cost us and paying from the savings accounts would cost us.

Edited July 18, 2011 by WishboneDawn

[LaxMom]

We have multiple joint accounts. The only account that is not joint is a savings under my FIL's credit union account. It exists, but isn't used. My husband has signatory privileges on my business account.

 

When we married, I was the chief breadwinner (IT consulting pays way better than piblic service). I've been home full time for the past almost 7 years, though I do work about 8-16 hrs a week recently and am self-employed directing a homeschool umbrella.

 

We did have, in the old days, a set limit on discretionary spending without discussion. I can't remember what it was now, but it allowed both of us freedom to do things without draining the bank account.

[AlmiraGulch]

I guess that I'm going to go against the grain here, according to the voting.

I think that it's ideal for there to be one account for shared expenses with each person having their own accounts.

 

Most marriage therapists that I've come across seem to favor that arrangement and I can see why. It's important to still have some control over your own money matters, for men and women. I also hate to say this but I've seen too many women in a whole of trouble when a spouse decides to leave, and take all of the money with him. I had to help a friend through that. :sad:

I've read this a lot recently, too. That said, the reality is that I will likely always be the primary breadwinner, barring illness or other disability. And since I know I'd never do that to another person (run off and leave him penniless), I'm not as concerned about that as some people may need to be.

[WishboneDawn]

I'm on the shared accounts side but as my breakdown showed we do cash allowances for each of us anyway so I guess we've sort of taken a step that eliminates the need for separate accounts.

[Tutor]

All of our spending money goes into one checking account and dh and I each get a certain amount of what we call "don't ask don't tell" money every month. :D We're really boring, though, and we both use it at the coffee shop and bookstore.

[Mama Geek]

Dh and I have a couple of accounts that are joint accounts. We like the idea of having money in at least 2 banks.

 

We've been married 16 years and neither of us were married before. We both had student loans when we got married so yes we took on each other's debt. I truly believe when you get married it is forever and I am willing to go all in. I generally deal with paying bills. We discuss anything major. He is the only one working now although I worked for more than 10 years.

 

ETA I voted other.

[Wheres Toto]

Just wanted to add:

 

we only have a joint checking and joint savings account but I have a low-limit credit card that is mine to use as I want. It's my discretionary/homeschooling/fun money. Part of the reason we did it as a credit card is we were working on repairing my credit when we first married. The bill is paid off every month but it allows me to buy what I need/want without worrying about what's in the checking account or having to transfer money from the savings account.

[JennyD]

We also do the one joint account for everything and have been perfectly happy with that setup, but I can see how your particular situation is rather more complicated. Does your fiance have children as well? Do you receive child support? If so, it might be worth thinking about keeping that money, at least, in a separate account, if only for accounting purposes. But really, I have no idea what the recommended financial setup is in your circumstances. You might take a look at some of the financial planning books in the library/bookstore and see what they suggest for blended families.

 

Good luck!

[YLVD]

I've read this a lot recently, too. That said, the reality is that I will likely always be the primary breadwinner, barring illness or other disability. And since I know I'd never do that to another person (run off and leave him penniless), I'm not as concerned about that as some people may need to be.

 

I understand that, makes sense.

 

I was a single mother for years myself (I looked at your signature). I would say that as a former single mom, I would keep at least one account separate, whether it's for child support or specific child expenses. That's just a unique situation. JMO

[Scarlett]

I can't speak to the second marriage issues, but imo, all of it should be "our" expenses and "our" money. When you marry each other, you really are taking over each other's debts: what will he do if you lose your job? Will he let your student loans default? I would hope not. You might be interested in Dave Ramesey's thoughts on this. I hope this doesn't sound not nice in any way, I don't intend it that way. :)

 

:iagree:

 

Dh and I combined families and our money is combined as well.

 

Money can easily become a tool for power. If you get your thinking straight that it is all the FAMILY'S money than you will be less likely to let it be a tool for power.

 

'Mad Money' or an 'Allowance'....basically every grown up needs just a little money for which he/she doesn't have to be accountable. Work up a budget and decide how much that amount should be and each of you take that amount each week/month.

[MeghanL]

We have a shared checking account and savings account. I created an excel spreadsheet that tracks when and how much we have to pay and then divide my husbands paycheck accordingly. The leftover money gets divided into categorizes called "Clothes, Gifts, Entertainment, Vacation, Wish List, and Misc". We are free to spend anything we have out of those categories (as long as we have money to spend) but anything above $100 we discuss first.

[RahRah]

Not at all!

 

We both think of it pretty much the way you describe. From a very practical standpoint, though, if we were to eventually divorce I would not expect him to take any unpaid portion of my school loans with him as debt. I would not expect either of us to take any portion of the other's 401(k) that was built prior to our marriage. I would not expect to contribute to child support for his children. So we'll have a prenup covering this sort of thing, but the fact is I don't expect to need to execute it and so I'm interested in learning how others, particularly those who were married as adults bringing in their own debts and assets, handle the day-to-day business of....well...the business part of the marriage.

 

For us, both second marriage, it was all lumped into one checking account.

 

His 401(k) are his, but also ours, I am beneficiary, with our children beneficiaries should I die.

 

My 401(k) is mine, but also ours, he is beneficiary, with our children beneficiaries should he die.

 

Our cars are jointly owned. Our home is jointly owned. Our DVC points are jointly owned. Our stocks in his s-corporation are jointly owned. Our investment portfolio is jointly owned. Basically there isn't anything we own that is not in both of our names.

 

When we first got married we were close in earnings to each other, so there wasn't a disparity in our earnings or potential earnings. We decided I'd stay home once we had kids, so I no longer work to "earn" but to manage our family and finances. He gets paid monthly, hands me his check, I deposit it, take out his cash "allowance" for the month, I take out my cash "allowance" for the month and the rest I manage. He never looks at the account, never asks, just trusts me, I'm his wife...and I'd never give him reason not to trust me.

 

We have one rule though - if either of us is going to spend more than $250 on something (either from bank account or on credit card), we talk to the other first before making the purchase....except gifts to each other or emergency repairs for things in the house (like for instance a couple of weeks ago when a flexible pipe under the kitchen sink burst, I didn't talk to him before okaying the $400 repair as it was more extensive than we'd thought when we first called the plumber - it needed to be done, I didn't need to talk to him first)...basically it's talking to each other if we want to get something for ourselves that's above and beyond what our pocket money each month will cover.

[2squared]

We have always had combined finances. Dh brought debt into our marriage (car loan, student loan, personal loans) and I brought assets (higher income, car, retirement savings). After we married, I paid for his law degree and paid off his debt. Then I stopped working and he entered the work force.

 

We make a budget and spend everything on paper before the month begins. We each receive some fun money based on what our perceived needs are for the month and how much we can afford.

 

The only thing I would hesitate on is if either of you have some assets that you would like/need to keep for your biological children or for their care. If you pass away, joint assets will pass to your husband and not your children. You can solve this through wills, life insurance, or designated beneficiaries on the assets. I assume you will be addressing these types of things with a lawyer???

[AlmiraGulch]

We also do the one joint account for everything and have been perfectly happy with that setup, but I can see how your particular situation is rather more complicated. Does your fiance have children as well? Do you receive child support? If so, it might be worth thinking about keeping that money, at least, in a separate account, if only for accounting purposes. But really, I have no idea what the recommended financial setup is in your circumstances. You might take a look at some of the financial planning books in the library/bookstore and see what they suggest for blended families.

 

Good luck!

 

He does have children and pays child support. I do not receive any. So, since we're just dealing with outgoing and not incoming in that respect, I just look at it as yet another monthly financial obligation that the two of us must fulfill, together.

[DawnM]

We have several accounts but they are all joint. We have some pretty strong opinions on this ourselves....no hidden, secret, or private money.

 

Dawn

[ChiMomNP]

We have separate checking accounts. He has a couple savings accounts that he had before we married but we do not have any joint accounts together. Having said that we both contribute financially to the running of the household. He significantly more than me at the moment. He knows my ATM pins and I know his in case something were to happen but we don't see any need for the accounts to be in both names. He pays all the big expenses from his accounts and I pay for things like curriculum, meals out, vacations, groceries and so forth from mine.

[Thea]

It's all in one account, but we each have a 'fun' budget and get to do whatever we want with that portion.

[Mynyel]

I voted other. We have two accounts. I work as an IC and needed a business name so I had to open a business account because that is how I get paid. We have a personal account as well.

 

How things get paid just depends on which account has the most money at the time the bills need to be paid. :)

[Julie in CA]

May I post from another perspective?

 

My mom and her new dh kept all financial matters pretty much separate, except for a few agreed-upon shared expenses which they paid together. The way that this played out meant that when we went out to eat, my sister and I had to order whatever was the least expensive meal and then split it (that's all my mom could afford, and then, only barely), but my step-sisters were able to order anything they wanted, no matter how extravagant (my step-dad was working through some guilt baggage and had a higher income). I don't think it was good for the family to have things *quite* so separate. :001_huh: It wasn't that the meal was a big deal, or that we were super-materialistic (we weren't), but we still felt uncomfortable, and slightly less...valued as a part of the family.

[Laura Corin]

We combine all money coming in. We both use money when we want to, but neither goes crazy. This works because we have similar attitudes to money.

 

Laura

[YLVD]

May I post from another perspective?

 

My mom and her new dh kept all financial matters pretty much separate, except for a few agreed-upon shared expenses which they paid together. The way that this played out meant that when we went out to eat, my sister and I had to order whatever was the least expensive meal and then split it (that's all my mom could afford, and then, only barely), but my step-sisters were able to order anything they wanted, no matter how extravagant (my step-dad was working through some guilt baggage and had a higher income). I don't think it was good for the family to have things *quite* so separate. :001_huh: It wasn't that the meal was a big deal, or that we were super-materialistic (we weren't), but we still felt uncomfortable, and slightly less...valued as a part of the family.

 

Yikes, that would be difficult.

 

I'm in a blended "family" situation. My daughter is 15 and my SO and I have been together, and cohabitating for over one and a half years. We are a partnership and I'm not sure that I have the intention of marrying ..anyone. To me, it's as valid as any family or marriage..okay, anyways, lol

 

We each have our own bank accounts. We just shuttle money back and forth to eachother and we keep shared money in a paypal account for paying certain things.

 

While I never expected this, SO pays for a lot of things for my DD. I tried to split in the middle but we ended up just alternating and just paying based on who has the cash on hand. When we go out to dinner, he pays for all of us. Sometimes, I do. We both work.

 

We are able to pay for things as a family with different accounts.

[Mrs Mungo]

Other: we have 2 accounts, but we are both on both of the accounts. He pays the bills out of the main account, and I run the household out of the other account. However, we both have access to both accounts. That way, when he's gone, I can pay the bills out the main account (for example).

[Ginevra]

When we got married, dh had significant assets, including airplanes and an account that was just for the airplane expenses. We kept that account active and I put money into it from time to time, but it's not a big logistical issue. It's not specifically an airplane account anymore, but I generally regard it as "his" more than "ours." If he buys something substantial, he is most likely to pay for it from that account. If he sells a motorcycle or some other larger asset, he generally puts the money back into that account. There have been times over the years when we've gotten some largish windfalls and I have put, say, 20% of the windfall money into that account.

 

Most everything else, including "fun money" stuff comes out of one main account.

[AlmiraGulch]

May I post from another perspective?

 

My mom and her new dh kept all financial matters pretty much separate, except for a few agreed-upon shared expenses which they paid together. The way that this played out meant that when we went out to eat, my sister and I had to order whatever was the least expensive meal and then split it (that's all my mom could afford, and then, only barely), but my step-sisters were able to order anything they wanted, no matter how extravagant (my step-dad was working through some guilt baggage and had a higher income). I don't think it was good for the family to have things *quite* so separate. :001_huh: It wasn't that the meal was a big deal, or that we were super-materialistic (we weren't), but we still felt uncomfortable, and slightly less...valued as a part of the family.

Wow. I can certainly see how this could be hurtful to you and your sister.

 

It actually brings up another topic we've discussed. In my family, we are fairly generous in our gift giving for birthdays and Christmas. He and his ex-wife have chosen to be less so for their daughter. While I have no intention of changing what I do for my children, and would be more than happy to do the same for his, I also have no intention of just violating what their values are in raising their child and going "all out" for her. So I'm not sure 100% how we're going to handle that just yet. I don't want her to feel left out or slighted, but I want to honor what HER parents feel is important with respect to gifts/holidays. I guess it's something he and his ex will have to decide together.

 

Interesting the things that come up when blending a family...

[KrissiK]

We have only one account. I don't get paid for the work I do (IOW, I'm a SAHM), but even before we got the kids and I was earning an income the plan was for me to stay at home with the kids. So, we still had one account, lived off of one income and banked my salary.

[Ginevra]

Wow. I can certainly see how this could be hurtful to you and your sister.

 

It actually brings up another topic we've discussed. In my family, we are fairly generous in our gift giving for birthdays and Christmas. He and his ex-wife have chosen to be less so for their daughter. While I have no intention of changing what I do for my children, and would be more than happy to do the same for his, I also have no intention of just violating what their values are in raising their child and going "all out" for her. So I'm not sure 100% how we're going to handle that just yet. I don't want her to feel left out or slighted, but I want to honor what HER parents feel is important with respect to gifts/holidays. I guess it's something he and his ex will have to decide together.

 

Interesting the things that come up when blending a family...

 

Yep, that's interesting, for sure. If it were me, I would expect to bring the gift-giving towards my children to the level that the step-child will get. You could always give additional gifts to your children at another time when the step-child is not present. Otherwise it looks like you'll spare no expense for your precious offspring, but Cinderella over there can just make her dress by hand. ;)

[Sukale]

We have 1 account. Dh gets paid by direct deposit once a month. We then pay all of the bills online at one time. Then we decided what we need to do for the month. I may say I need $x to buy the kids new shoes and I need $x to buy me a pair of jeans. Then he may say that he needs $x to buy new tires or a new tool. We try not to spend anything else from the account until he gets paid again. There is usually not much left a few days after he gets paid anyway. We both check the bank account on line several times a week. If it is a few days before payday and I see we have $x left I may tell him I would like to go get ??? if he doesn't have anything in mind to do with that money.

 

I work part time and get paid weekly. That is the cash we have for groceries and a little extra for the movies or a trip to the book store, something like that. I try to shop wisely for groceries so we have more mad money each week.

[Dustybug]

I believe that when you are married, there is no "mine" or "yours" when it comes to money. It is all "ours." We have one account where everything comes out. I don't work, but I certainly do not have to ask permission for money nor do I get an "allowance." If I need/want money for something, I tell my DH and we discuss whether or not it is in the budget and vice versa. We have a set amount that we can spend without discussion as well--"fun" or "blow" money.

[nukeswife]

I'm certainly not asking for dollar amounts, but how did you decide how much to put into your separate accounts? Is it an actual dollar amount, based on how much is left over? Is it a percentage of the whole?

 

I get $100 a month for the school account, because I figured out ahead of time how much I usually need for a year of schooling and then just divided it by 12. I also put any money I get for selling used curriculum or books in there.

 

My dh figured out how much he would need per month on average to pay his mess bill (he's charged per meal for food on the ship) and then figured an amount he'd like to have deposited each month so that he can do things/buy things when he's in foreign ports.

 

So we didn't do a percentage or anything, just came up with a rough budget for those areas and then used that to figure an amount.

 

I don't do "mad money" here, that just wasn't something either of us ever did or heard of growing up, so anything we want to do special or buy that isn't a necessity comes out of the main account, other than when he's on deployment which I mentioned above, but that case of fun money came about because I hated him calling to ask me permission to do something because he wasn't sure if we had the money.

 

ETA: also wanted to throw out there that I don't work so only his paycheck is going into an account.

Edited July 18, 2011 by nukeswife

[Mom-ninja.]

Dh and I opened a joint acct when we married. Only his paycheck went into checking though. My paycheck went to a savings. We always knew that I would stay home once we had children, and we didn't want to get into the practice of needing/using my paycheck to pay bills and live off of.

 

Now I don't work anymore, but I still have an account with my name only. I use that account for the boys and put their money in it.

[Stages]

When I worked, DH and I kept separate accounts. For simplicity's sake, here is a (fictional) breakdown of a typical month:

 

My pay: 1300

His pay: 900

 

I would pay:

Rent: 500

My gas: 200

My phone: 50

Fast food: 100 (I commuted and was not home for meals often)

DD's things: 100 (toys, clothes, extra bottles, etc)

Mine and DD's medical bills: 150

Total: 1,100 Remainder: 200

 

He would pay:

Electric: 150

Groceries: 350

His phone: 50

Cable: 50

Total: 600 Remainder: 300

 

When we went out for dinners or anything, he would pay, since he typically had a bit more money left over after paying all of his responsibilities.

 

We kept separate accounts so we wouldn't have to balance our checkbooks against each other, though we would always consult each other before making a large purchase. Even now, though I don't work, we maintain separate accounts for the same reason. When I need money, I write myself a check from his account and deposit it into my account. All of our bills are auto-drafted out of his account. We may end up combining now since he no longer has free checking, though.

[RahRah]

I believe that when you are married, there is no "mine" or "yours" when it comes to money. It is all "ours." We have one account where everything comes out. I don't work, but I certainly do not have to ask permission for money nor do I get an "allowance." If I need/want money for something, I tell my DH and we discuss whether or not it is in the budget and vice versa. We have a set amount that we can spend without discussion as well--"fun" or "blow" money.

 

Well, you could call it pocket money, mad money, blow-it all on whatever money....for us, we each take $xxx each month and it's ours to do as we wish (and usually goes for incidentals that add up over the month).

 

So far as discussing large purchases, that's just what we do, especially since DH doesn't ever know what's in our bank account (sad I know) and so when something is on the expensive side, outside of what cash he has in his wallet, he'll talk to me more to find out if we have the money to buy it (or ask when we will since I'll budget for it for him) or if he should use a credit card, or should he wait.....from my side just to give him a head's up more than anything else - it's not like either of us ever tell the other "no"....it's just what we do :)

[Annie G]

Other.

We have 3 checking accounts and 4 savings accounts. We're both on all of them, but one checking and savings account is 'his', one is 'mine' and the other accounts are joint. It's all OUR money but we each pay certain things from it. I do 95% of the routine bill paying. He takes care of paying his medical expenses (he has a lot of them and it's easier for one person to handle that so we don't overlook or double pay).

 

What I love: when I manage the money well and we go out, I can say, " Hey, I have this covered". Even though he makes 10 times what I make, (I only work part time) I am totally an equal partner financially. I also LOVE that he handles those annoying large expenses so I don't have to hold money for months waiting for the tax bill, insurance bill, etc. to come in.

 

We also each manage our discretionary money and don't 'ask permission' to buy things. If we lived on the financial edge, I'm sure we'd handle things much differently. We discuss large purchases, but not in a 'permission' kind of way.

 

Might be a work in progress for you...maybe you start one way and let it morph into something that totally feels right for you both. I'm sure that the first year or two of marriage is going to be an adjustment as far as handling money- and you'll find your way.

Congrats!!