Said to the mother of 5 children by a cousin at a family reunion...

[mommymilkies]

It's terrible that in our society children are looked at as a burden instead of a blessing. I would have liked to have a dozen if I could.

 

:iagree:

 

My SIL yesterday told us we were stupid for having 5 kids. :glare:

[pamela&claire]

I would never say "OMG you only have 1 child!!" I just don't get why people feel the need to comment on someone else's family size at all.

 

When I had my fourth, several nurses on the floor came by to exclaim and state I had the biggest family they had seen in quite a while. :001_huh:

 

Maybe YOU wouldn't but people have said it to me and it hurts because I wish I could have more children.

[mommymilkies]

my favourite comment came from a blogger I like to follow (who is IRL friends with a number of my friends but I haven't had the pleasure of meeting her IRL). When asked why she homeschools and has soooooo many kids (5) she responds, "because I can never be anywhere on time and I am sexually irresponsible." She says it shuts them up every time.

 

:lol:

[Mom-2-7]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who is fed up with the rude comments. I cannot leave the house without either "what were your thinking?" or more often "you have your hands full!" Since my kids are all adopted and are quite obviously not genetically mine, I also get asked "Do you run a day care?" I get that a lot.

 

To the hands full comment, I usually smile and say "Full of blessings!"

 

To the "what were you thinking" comment, I often just give the person a disgusted look and walk away. I rarely address that one.

 

I haven't figured out what to say about the daycare comment. I know it's said innocently. I might make the same mistake too if I were looking at our family. But still, it's a little hurtful to the kids. It makes them feel as if they don't belong since they don't look like me. Two of my dc were old enough at adoption to remember being with birth families who looked similar. It has been, and still is, a difficult transition for them. The thoughtless comments make is so much worse.

[Boxing Hare]

That's exactly what my mom said to me when I told her we were expecting our third! Thanks mom - that's one for the baby book! :tongue_smilie:

[lilacii]

I would simply encourage those who have many children to snuggle close and say words of gratitude. We are only able to have one child (adoption is even difficult due to medical condition)- NO complaining, I'm so incredibly blessed to have him. However, if given the opportunity, we would have loved to have had a very large family.

[stripe]

Oh, trust me... people LOVE to comment and lecture you on that just as much. :001_rolleyes:

Yes, it is really obnoxious. People did this to me before I had any children. And I have heard people say this to people who are struggling with infertility and really want to have children and are getting medical help and so forth. Right after my oldest was born (as in, within a month), someone asked when I'd have another. My husband told him he should get busy and have his own, as that couple had just gotten married.

[Mimm]

We have three girls, but I absolutely LOVE this line! :lol:

 

When we are out with our three beautiful daughters, the line we get from complete strangers is, "Aren't you going to try for a boy? Don't you want a boy?" They say this in front of the girls, too. :glare:

 

(We say) No, we are delighted with our three girls, and can't imagine being happier. (Girls become very well-behaved and smiley).

 

(We think) And how is that your business?

 

Rich with Kids -- Can you think of a zinger for us? :D :bigear: I would love to have a zinger in my pocket for the really obnoxious strangers. :tongue_smilie:

 

Point to your girliest girl and say "What do you mean? That one's a boy." Glare at them. Teach daughter to fake cry. ;)

[sheryl]

I would never say "OMG you only have 1 child!!" I just don't get why people feel the need to comment on someone else's family size at all.

 

When I had my fourth, several nurses on the floor came by to exclaim and state I had the biggest family they had seen in quite a while. :001_huh:

 

That's good to know you wouldn't say that.

 

I've had people say it to me. We'll be in the middle of a conversation when, bam, it comes..."...you only have 1 so".....and continue with whatever they are referencing or paralleling. It is rude. I agree with you. Why would someone care if someone has 1 (some have 0) up to 20 or more like the Duggars and others who foster/adopt s.n. kids along side their bio kids.

[unsinkable]

We had a girl, then a boy and when I was pregnant the 3rd time if someone started asking whhhhyyyyy? and making the "you already have the one of each!" comments, either DH or I would say:

 

"We're trying for a hermaphrodite."

 

:lol:

[indigomama]

We are pregnant with #5 and some lady and a new church we are attending, when finding out what asked "What? You don't believe in birth control?" And then waited for an answer, as if it's any of her business. At first I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything, then I just told her it was between God, my DH and me and politely walked away.

 

We get all kinds of comments. Especially because I look young. People have asked how old was I when I had my first and then when did I get married. As if they are trying to "catch" me having kids before marriage. I married at twenty and am darn proud that we are going on 10 years this fall!

 

And when I get the "my your hands are full", I say "yes, I'd rather them full than empty". ( We actually couldn't conceive for a year and a half and we miscarried, so I know what empty arms feels like).

[Annie Laurie]

I get stupid comment like that too.

 

But, I also get older people who reminisce about all of the siblings they had and what fun they had growing up. And the occasional other person who just thinks big families are fun and has positive things to say.

[zookeeper]

When we go out to eat, we like to chuckle about the fact that the other people in the restaurant got "dinner and a show." Everybody sits there and stares at us during their meal. :D

[Aelwydd]

Oh, trust me... people LOVE to comment and lecture you on that just as much. :001_rolleyes:

 

Like yesterday, at the post-hockey game victory pizza party (they won the trophy, hurray), another mom commented on Jackson's only status: "Oh, he's spoiled, I bet!"

 

It wasn't said in a mean way at all, but the thing is, she only has one more than me. So, it's not like she can't spoil hers as well. I just used it as a teaching opportunity and said, "Well, you know, some kids really do well with lots of brothers and sisters, and others don't do so well. Just like some kids like being an only, and others hate it. Jackson is a sensitive soul, and I think if he were surrounded by siblings, he'd tend to be the kind to fade to the background. So, for him, it's probably better to have more attention, not less."

 

She got it, and she nodded. No need to imply that one family size is better or worse than any other. Different kids have different needs.

[Jugglin'5]

"Yes, and he's good at it." :D Shuts 'em up every time.

 

I use this one too. :lol:

[Mommy22alyns]

Wow, open mouth, insert foot! I'm sorry you had to hear those comments.

[Mommy22alyns]

We had a girl, then a boy and when I was pregnant the 3rd time if someone started asking whhhhyyyyy? and making the "you already have the one of each!" comments, either DH or I would say:

 

"We're trying for a hermaphrodite."

 

:lol:

 

 

:lol::lol: I can guarantee you that if I ever became pregnant again, people would ask, "Oh, so you're trying for a BOY?" :glare:

[5kidsforME]

I love and adore it when people attempt to give me sympathy for the fact that all 3 of my children ended up being boys. Isn't that just the greatest? In front of my boys telling me how sad it is that I have them. Lovely, just lovely.

 

They should all be very, very glad I'm a very peaceful person because inside I really and truly and seriously want to punch them in the face. It's only slightly less severe than that when they say it when my boys aren't around.

 

Can you tell I get really sick and tired of this one??

 

I can't imagine how annoying the "so many" comments must get to you. :001_rolleyes:

 

I have 4 boys. I have learned absolute silence is priceless in these situations. ;) Talk about making them sit in their awkward moment.

 

I will say it makes me SO MAD when they say things in front of my boys. I had one lady say about my 3 month old, Oh I'm so sorry! I bet you had wished he was a girl. :001_huh: Uhmmm, no. I wished for exactly what I got. Perfection.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

Okay, I will admit that I say stupid stuff sometimes. When someone has 3 or either gender, I'll ask if they want to try again for the other gender. And I said the other day that I didn't want to risk having four boys (talking about if we would try for a girl if hypothetical #3 was a boy) and there was someone there who had four boys. I will learn to keep my mouth shut.

 

But I'm an equal-opportunity offender :001_smile: I ask most parents that I have met more than just at the park (and sometimes them too if we talk a lot) if they're going to have more. But I never comment one way or the other, what ever the answer is. I just thought it's what you ask after "What's his/her name?" and "How old is s/he?"

[mlbuchina]

I think you are very blest! I wish we could have more, but that doesn't seem to be God's plan for us. I think I would love 5 or 6 kids. My cousin has 4, and my brother just had his third today!:D

[In The Great White North]

One of my cousins works for Planned Parenthood and she asked if I wanted some brochures. :glare:

 

Remember the original Cheaper by the Dozen (or the book)?

[silliness7]

I just thought it's what you ask after "What's his/her name?" and "How old is s/he?"

 

Really? I always thought that question was so personal it would be construed as rude.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

Really? I always thought that question was so personal it would be construed as rude.

 

Well, know that I know, I'll stop.

[gardenmom5]

BTW, her mother came up to me and said, "Five, girl? I can't believe you have five. Don't you know what causes that?" So creative!! :lol:

 

 

 

My favorite response to that is "no, I don't. please explain it to me." said with an absolutely straight face - works best in a crowd. the speaker dies of embarassment. yes, I'm mean.

 

I've heard them all . . . my mother was the worst. Kept asking me when I was getting "fixed". (but was constantly here to play with the baby.)

[mommaduck]

An older woman came up to me in Baltimore the other weekend. She said she had five children of her own and there is something she's always wanted to say to someone else instead of it being said to her...so she used me to take her moment...."are they all yours?" :D She was the sweetest person we both had a good laugh.

[gardenmom5]

We know a couple who when they had four children, had one gentleman comment "what a lovely start".

 

they ended up with nine. (though they lost two adult sons.)

[unsinkable]

We know a couple who when they had four children, had one gentleman comment "what a lovely start".

 

they ended up with nine. (though they lost two adult sons.)

 

...according to this thread, that comment would be offensive...

[gardenmom5]

Okay, I will admit that I say stupid stuff sometimes. When someone has 3 or either gender, I'll ask if they want to try again for the other gender. And I said the other day that I didn't want to risk having four boys (talking about if we would try for a girl if hypothetical #3 was a boy) and there was someone there who had four boys. I will learn to keep my mouth shut.

 

But I'm an equal-opportunity offender :001_smile: I ask most parents that I have met more than just at the park (and sometimes them too if we talk a lot) if they're going to have more. But I never comment one way or the other, what ever the answer is.

 

I consider that an extremely personal questions. You also want to be careful - one day you're bound to get tears from a woman who went through heck to have one and can't have anymore. My sil had much fun with one man who asked when she and her dh were going to start their family. "oh, didn't you hear about my miscarriage?"

[mommaduck]

...according to this thread, that comment would be offensive...

 

No, because it's said in a positive manner, as though having said number of children is a positive thing. The common comments that others refer to here (are you done yet, do you know what causes that, you're crazy, don't you have a tv, etc) are usually viewing children as negative and something that should be stopped.

[unsinkable]

No, because it's said in a positive manner, as though having said number of children is a positive thing. The common comments that others refer to here (are you done yet, do you know what causes that, you're crazy, don't you have a tv, etc) are usually viewing children as negative and something that should be stopped.

 

No, intent doesn't matter (according to some).

 

Plus, he is saying that the woman should have MORE than four. What if the woman doesn't want to? What if they are DONE? What if she had no uterus because she nearly bled out with the last baby?

 

It can't go both ways. Comments about how big/small/done/not done are inappropriate (according to some).

[gardenmom5]

my favourite comment came from a blogger I like to follow (who is IRL friends with a number of my friends but I haven't had the pleasure of meeting her IRL). When asked why she homeschools and has soooooo many kids (5) she responds, "because I can never be anywhere on time and I am sexually irresponsible." She says it shuts them up every time.

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

[Mommy22alyns]

Okay, I will admit that I say stupid stuff sometimes. When someone has 3 or either gender, I'll ask if they want to try again for the other gender. And I said the other day that I didn't want to risk having four boys (talking about if we would try for a girl if hypothetical #3 was a boy) and there was someone there who had four boys. I will learn to keep my mouth shut.

 

 

 

That just implies that a family is "lacking" somehow if they don't have at least one of each. Regardless of how you personally feel. I would hate to have someone imply that I'm missing something because I have 2 girls.

[mommaduck]

I use this one too. :lol:

 

So do I! LOL!

 

I still find my self in amazement that people think they have the right to comment on my life' date=' especially when it's perfect strangers in a store/post office/library.

 

I have 3 kids, which many think is a large family. Now in most military circles (dh is in the Navy) we have a small family.

 

I've had a relative say to me when pregnant with my third, "Oh, you're popping out another one huh" I didn't even know how to respond.

 

I've had another relative say "You already had a boy and a girl, what did you need to have him for" right in front of my youngest, luckily he was only a year old so had no idea.

 

I really wonder why so many seem to have a disconnect between their brain and mouth. Like others have said, when they make comments like that do they actually have an idea in mind of which child I shouldn't have had.

 

Luckily in my dh's family it's not uncommon to have 3 or more so we really don't get comments from anyone on his side of the family.[/quote']

 

When I was a kid, we were stationed at McChord AFB. LDS LOVE Washington it seems. Our entire base block was mostly LDS (minus us and maybe one other family or two). One family (the one I was close to) had three bedrooms and about seven kids. One room for boys, one for girls, one was a playroom, and mom & dad had the pull out sofa...bunks were three beds tall. A family across the street had not only filled up their three bedrooms, but had a hook up camper in their parking spot...that was the bedroom for the older girls. Quite creative.

 

You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family!

 

When I was pregnant with #4, we didn't tell anyone in our family ... we showed up for Thanksgiving dinner and let them figure it out for themselves -- she was born the following January ;) -- because we didn't want to deal with the comments (which had been bad enough when I had #3).

 

One of my cousins works for Planned Parenthood and she asked if I wanted some brochures. :glare:

:glare: What was your response to that one?

[welovetoread]

currently awaiting for the arrival of our 6th child. I have gotten ALL of these comments and many more. I have learned to ignore them

[gardenmom5]

We are pregnant with #5 and some lady and a new church we are attending, when finding out what asked "What? You don't believe in birth control?" And then waited for an answer, as if it's any of her business. At first I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything,

 

"what's birth control?" (said with a straight face)

[mommaduck]

We are pregnant with #5 and some lady and a new church we are attending, when finding out what asked "What? You don't believe in birth control?" And then waited for an answer, as if it's any of her business. At first I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything, then I just told her it was between God, my DH and me and politely walked away.

 

 

"Of course we do! We're in control and have chosen to birth another child." Eh, not the zinger I thought it would be, but I'm sure someone could brush it up better.

[justamouse]

my favourite comment came from a blogger I like to follow (who is IRL friends with a number of my friends but I haven't had the pleasure of meeting her IRL). When asked why she homeschools and has soooooo many kids (5) she responds, "because I can never be anywhere on time and I am sexually irresponsible." She says it shuts them up every time.

 

 

YES! Awesome. I want that one.

[newlifemom]

I get both ends.

 

I have 4 so that is a large family, right? ;)

 

However, I have not been able to have more so it is hard sometimes seeing larger families or having someone ask me when I am having another. :(

 

 

Thus, I try to be careful when discussing family size with anyone.

[kalanamak]

Why is a mother of more than 3 children considered fair game?

 

Anyone "different" is considered fair game for fun or cruel comments. Didn't you learn that in school?

 

My favorite comment was hubby's full grown niece stating that children of older parents were all low IQ (she ran a day care center). She said this to our faces, and we were 44 and 50 when kiddo was born. Lovely.

[pamela&claire]

Anyone "different" is considered fair game for fun or cruel comments. Didn't you learn that in school?

 

My favorite comment was hubby's full grown niece stating that children of older parents were all low IQ (she ran a day care center). She said this to our faces, and we were 44 and 50 when kiddo was born. Lovely.

 

Yep, this was preached from the pulpit at my church while DH and I were sitting in the front row. When they looked at us and realized what they said they started to back pedal. Add that with only having one and you get A LOT of rude and ignorant comments.

[mommaduck]

I get both ends.

 

I have 4 so that is a large family, right? ;)

 

However, I have not been able to have more so it is hard sometimes seeing larger families or having someone ask me when I am having another. :(

 

 

Thus, I try to be careful when discussing family size with anyone.

 

:grouphug:

[mama2cntrykids]

.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I consider that an extremely personal questions. You also want to be careful - one day you're bound to get tears from a woman who went through heck to have one and can't have anymore. My sil had much fun with one man who asked when she and her dh were going to start their family. "oh, didn't you hear about my miscarriage?"

 

That just implies that a family is "lacking" somehow if they don't have at least one of each. Regardless of how you personally feel. I would hate to have someone imply that I'm missing something because I have 2 girls.

 

I wasn't justifying saying it! It was a self-actualization comment. Having been asked those questions many times, and not being offended by them, I hadn't thought about others being offended by it.

 

 

I guess you missed my post where I said I wouldn't be doing it anymore.

[dianachoate]

"Don't you know what causes that?" So creative!!

 

My response to this statement is always the same and shuts people right up.

 

"Of course I know what causes it! (insert big smile here, wiggle eye brows) Why do you think I have so many?"

 

Diana

[PentecostalMom]

It is unreal what some will say. We have been on both ends. The "that's your only one?" When ds was an only and we were having trouble TTC. Now that we are about to have #4 they say, "When are you going to stop trying?"

[dianachoate]

I did, however, have lame-brained OBs throughout my fourth pregnancy. at every single visit, I was asked whether I wanted my tubes tied, even though it went straight onto the chart at the first visit that such was flatly forbidden. At the hospital, when I arrived to give birth, I was asked about having a tubal, three times. At the first post-partum check-up, the doctor made some crack about large families. . . . I never set foot in that office again.

 

I had that question from my OB's nurse when pregnant with #4. My OB was not pleased with her nurse. Told the nurse OB would think she would like to see me have more since I was paying her salary. I love my OB.

[dianachoate]

my mother was the worst. Kept asking me when I was getting "fixed".

 

I always say, "there is nothing broken to fix."

[petepie2]

With four children, I get comments all of the time. Most are along the lines of "You must have your hands full!" My DD's soccer coach (and her mother) are always making references to the number of children we have. The comments aren't necessarily negative, but obviously they are astonished that we have four kids. At the beginning of the spring season, her coach said (in a nice way), "I thought you would show up with another one!" I just smiled sweetly.

 

Recently, while I was out to lunch with all four of them sans Hubby, a man approached me and said, "How do you get all those kids to stay so quiet?" I said, "They know how they're expected to behave." He said, "Well, you're either really brave or really insane!" Sigh....I smiled sweetly. (I've been perfecting my "sweet smile". )

 

Last week at the grocery store, I overheard a lady say to her friend, "Oh look! There are four of them!" She wasn't being rude, but it was as if she had just seen Mrs. Mallard crossing the street with her ducklings. I was wondering to myself if I should be charging admission.

 

I will say, however, that the one place I've been where the comments have been nothing but positive and encouraging has been our homeschool conference.

[twoforjoy]

No, because it's said in a positive manner, as though having said number of children is a positive thing. The common comments that others refer to here (are you done yet, do you know what causes that, you're crazy, don't you have a tv, etc) are usually viewing children as negative and something that should be stopped.

 

The thing is, it's not positive, because maybe that family was done at four. Comments about it being "a good start" imply that they should be having more.

 

As rude as it is to have somebody to tell you to stop having kids, it's just as rude for somebody to say that you should be having more. The implication there is that people who don't have larger families are selfish, materialistic, don't view children as a blessing, have kids who are spoiled brats, etc. This is especially prevalent when people only have one child or don't have any kids.

[mommaduck]

The thing is, it's not positive, because maybe that family was done at four. Comments about it being "a good start" imply that they should be having more.

 

As rude as it is to have somebody to tell you to stop having kids, it's just as rude for somebody to say that you should be having more. The implication there is that people who don't have larger families are selfish, materialistic, don't view children as a blessing, have kids who are spoiled brats, etc. This is especially prevalent when people only have one child or don't have any kids.

 

I take it entirely different. More along the lines of the man thinking that they probably already get enough negative comments about having "so many" that he is trying to turn it around.

 

Eh, guess I'm one of the few that try to either laugh things off or think that the person really is trying to be well meaning.