Reality stinks, mini vent

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I've been seeing a bunch of FB posts about what kids are reading. These kids are ds's age and a little younger. Ds can barely read the kindy HOP books. :sad:

[TheReader]

I hear you.

 

:grouphug:

 

My 6 yr old isn't reading yet at all, so yours is ahead of mine :)

[SailorMom]

Eh - no biggie.

My first DS basically taught himself to read, and read way above grade level very young.

My second DS struggled until he was in 3rd, and now reads voraciously and above grade level.

I think over time it works itself out, but don't kill the love of reading by making a big deal over it.

[Occasionally]

Just :grouphug:

 

It'll be fine. He'll be fine. Any chocolate in the house?

[blessedwith7]

We have 7 kids - ours have started reading anywhere from 2 1/2 to 6. All of our readers now love to read! I wouldn't worry about it at all! Every kid is different - even if they have the same set of parents and are raised in the same environment.

[Jayne J]

Amen. My ds is doing *just fine* and yet I keep feeling like I've failed him because he is a rising third grader readiing on level. :glare: I see people whose children are reading waaay above level and "really enjoying" reading Edith Nesbit(or equivalent) books to themselves, and it makes me feel a bit panicky. Ds won't read an unassigned book unless it is non-fiction or Star Wars (sigh).

 

I am not ruining my child, he is fine. I am not ruining my child, he is fine. I am not ...:tongue_smilie:

[ChristusG]

DD is 7 and she's a very struggling reader. She still has to sound out CVC words. We're working on it.

[Jennifer in MI]

Every child learns at his own pace! Your 6 yo sounds fine and quite normal.

 

All mine learned at very different ages - 5, 6, 7.5 (yes, really!), and 3.5.

[jujsky]

I've been seeing a bunch of FB posts about what kids are reading. These kids are ds's age and a little younger. Ds can barely read the kindy HOP books. :sad:

 

I was in your shoes a year ago. DD was reading much better than DS and she's 13 months younger! It was frustrating. He loved being read to, but reading wasn't clicking for him. Take heart, though. Something clicked a few months into the school year (2nd grade -- he turned 7 in August right before he started) and he got it. Now he's reading even better than his sister. He's gotten through the first 2 Harry Potter books, all the Diary of a Wimpy Kids books, and now he's devouring Goosebumps books. He's turned into a complete book worm! Your son may not be ready yet. Keep plugging away -- he WILL get it eventually. Seriously -- it was like a switch turned on for my son. It was a matter of a just a few weeks where he started to get it and then it snowballed. I wasn't doing anything differently, I just think he was finally ready and something clicked on upstairs. :grouphug:

[In the Rain]

My 7yo girl didn't even become interested in reading until age 6. She didn't make any real progress until 6 1/2. I know how hard it is to avoid making comparisons. :grouphug:

[Stacia]

Also a small reminder -- some parents exaggerate their child's actual skill level.

[Night Elf]

Two things:

 

1. Just listing the title of what books they read doesn't tell you how they read them. They might have taken weeks to read one book that would take another child a few days to read. But in the end, both can say they read the book.

 

2. Early readers do not necessarily turn out avid readers. My ds14 was a very early reader. He liked books for a couple of years and then lost interest. He is not a reader now and greatly dislikes assigned books. ugh.

[Tarreymere]

Don't worry, my biggest bookworm absolutely REFUSED to learn to read until sometime between ages 8 and 9. Now I can't pry the kindle out of her hand. She is 25.

[ocelotmom]

I hear you! The last few years have been a lot of stress and second-guessing for us.

 

DS (nearly 8) struggled with the K level of HOP at 6/1st grade. At 7/2nd, he went through level 1 and half of level 2 (He actually knows most of level 2 already, but we haven't formally gone through it). He's currently sitting on the couch reading voluntarily, which is a pretty new thing - both reading voluntarily and having the stamina to actually get through it. I wouldn't say he's quite "at grade level", but it feel like he's catching up quickly. On the other hand, the book he's currently reading has a lexile score of 460 (despite being part of the "First Grade Friends" series. Go figure), so he actually may be relatively on-par.

 

I've heard a lot of stories about boys making that particular mental leap in the 7-9 range. I know it's hard to trust the process, though!

 

 

Amen. My ds is doing *just fine* and yet I keep feeling like I've failed him because he is a rising third grader readiing on level. :glare: I see people whose children are reading waaay above level and "really enjoying" reading Edith Nesbit(or equivalent) books to themselves, and it makes me feel a bit panicky. Ds won't read an unassigned book unless it is non-fiction or Star Wars (sigh).

 

I am not ruining my child, he is fine. I am not ruining my child, he is fine. I am not ...:tongue_smilie:

 

Exactly. It doesn't help that both DH and I were advanced readers at an early age, so my perceptions are skewed by our abilities.

Edited June 21, 2011 by ocelotmom

[fairfarmhand]

my second dd did not read very well at all till age 8. (typical kid, with no disorders, just slow in maturing)

 

Remember comparisons generally lead to discontent or pride. Both are extremes we generally want to avoid.

 

It's ok.

[Anne]

Comparisons are odious!! :D

 

Your child is very young - My children learned to read at Very different ages - they have BOTH graduated from college and love learning & reading. I personally know several young men who learned to read very late (8 or 9), and also graduated from college - one with a degree in English!!

 

Remember that generally, when you make comparisons, you are comparing your (your child's) WORST thing with someone else's BEST thing - this can never work out well!!

 

:grouphug:

Anne

[WishboneDawn]

I've been seeing a bunch of FB posts about what kids are reading. These kids are ds's age and a little younger. Ds can barely read the kindy HOP books. :sad:

 

My daughter didn't start reading until she was 9 but is now reading above grade level and is absolutely crazy for books.

 

Different kids do things at different times. Don't sweat it.

[Alicia64]

I have twins. One was reading mostly by 5 yrs, totally by 6 yrs. I'm not sure how he learned other than to follow the text when I was reading aloud.

 

My other son, now 8, still struggles. He's reading, yes, but I wouldn't say fluently.

 

I don't make a deal out of it -- I'm hoping both come out w/ a real passion for books.

 

Alley

[Mommy22alyns]

FB isn't always reality... you know? ;)

[trailofsparks]

My 2nd dd didn't take off w/rdg until she was almost 8. Don't panic. . . and don't be tempted to spend less time on his strengths in order to spend more time on rdg. Just keep pressing on and it will come!

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Thanks everyone!

 

I'm not going to go crazy over it. The reality for me is that nothing has come easy or normal for him (except maybe walking).

 

He needed to be stretched before he'd crawl, needed speech before he'd talk, needed PT to learn how to pedal, OT for handwriting, etc. He hates riding his bike at the park because any boy his size riding will be on a two-wheeler, while he has training wheels.

 

I hate that I see everything as some type of therapy. He's painting a wooden car right now, and all I see is OT and even some visual skills being worked!

[Mommy22alyns]

He hates riding his bike at the park because any boy his size riding will be on a two-wheeler, while he has training wheels.

 

 

 

Your 6 yo? I guess my girls are behind on that too. Sylvia doesn't even like to ride her bike and Becca just learned without training wheels at about 7.5.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

I can't believe all the responses intimating that the mothers are probably lying. How rude.

 

One of my sons read chapter books at age 3. His brother learned to (laboriously) read The Cat in the Hat at almost 8 years old. Both boys were normal!

 

Comparison is the death of contentment.

[veggiegal]

Remember that people tend to put their best face forward on facebook. There are plenty of kids your child's age reading at the same level, or even lower than yours. And folks aren't posting about their whole life, either. My oldest, now 9, was reading at age 2/3 (he read so early we didn't realize he was reading). Shameless brag, right? But do you wanna know how late he was toilet training? (It never occurred to me that reading could come well before using a potty). And at 9 he's just now getting the hang of riding a bike, and he still has trouble tying shoelaces. Every kid develops differently, and at any given point is "ahead" (whatever that means!) in some things, and "behind" in others. Try not to compare, but if you're going to compare (cuz, you know, you're human) compare in way more detail than usual. It tends to even things out. :tongue_smilie:

[DarlaS]

I can't believe all the responses intimating that the mothers are probably lying. How rude.

 

One of my sons read chapter books at age 3. His brother learned to (laboriously) read The Cat in the Hat at almost 8 years old. Both boys were normal!

 

Comparison is the death of contentment.

 

:iagree:

 

I assume the OP was speaking of the challenges of her reality (with a special needs child), and people need to chime in about whether or not Facebook is reality? :001_huh:

 

Yes, there are six year olds and younger who read. I've witnessed this, (and some of them weren't mine ;)). Also perfectly normal 8+ year olds who need to work hard at it. Learning written language is a lot like learning music or a foreign language. Some of us are going to pick it up naturally while others have to really try hard.

 

To the OP: :grouphug:

 

You're a great mom! It's hard enough when you homeschool and can't hardly ever just be mom--never mind the challenges of a special needs kid. Try to get a little break for you sometimes. I think the chocolate suggestion was an excellent one. :001_smile:

 

Oh, and only my two oldest kids can ride a two wheeler--and they don't. There is nowhere flat around here to learn, and it's a very biking unfriendly area (roads with no shoulders etc). No biggie.

[FairProspects]

Don't panic. . . and don't be tempted to spend less time on his strengths in order to spend more time on rdg. Just keep pressing on and it will come!

 

Thank you for this! I am so tempted to do exactly that, but I think it just makes ds hate school instead of enjoying some parts of the day. Your point is a good reminder!

[DarlaS]

Remember that people tend to put their best face forward on facebook.

 

Now there's a scary thought... :leaving:

[Mommy22alyns]

:iagree:

 

I assume the OP was speaking of the challenges of her reality (with a special needs child), and people need to chime in about whether or not Facebook is reality? :001_huh:

 

Yes, there are six year olds and younger who read. I've witnessed this, (and some of them weren't mine ;)). Also perfectly normal 8+ year olds who need to work hard at it. Learning written language is a lot like learning music or a foreign language. Some of us are going to pick it up naturally while others have to really try hard.

 

 

 

Well, I didn't mean that the other mothers were lying. I certainly wouldn't assume that, since MY six year olds read lengthy books quite fluently. (Which I was trying NOT to say on this thread because of OP's struggles.) What I meant was that people put their best face forward on FB and tend to present only that which is sunny and great. Maybe the avid readers have difficulty somewhere else; on FB you'll probably never know.

[MeganW]

I hear you.

 

:grouphug:

 

My 6 yr old isn't reading yet at all, so yours is ahead of mine :)

 

 

Ditto. I have THREE 6 year olds who aren't reading! And there has been no lack of effort on anybody's part - they just aren't ready yet. I have tried it all - if they could be pushed, they would be reading by now. Pushing does nothing but frustrate us all.

[MeganW]

Thanks everyone!

 

I'm not going to go crazy over it. The reality for me is that nothing has come easy or normal for him (except maybe walking).

 

He needed to be stretched before he'd crawl, needed speech before he'd talk, needed PT to learn how to pedal, OT for handwriting, etc. He hates riding his bike at the park because any boy his size riding will be on a two-wheeler, while he has training wheels.

 

I hate that I see everything as some type of therapy. He's painting a wooden car right now, and all I see is OT and even some visual skills being worked!

 

Ditto, except walking was a real challenge here as well. And we are nowhere close to getting rid of the training wheels. Thankfully, they are oblivious to the fact that other kids are moving on! I have to remind myself daily that God gave these particular children to ME, as I am a parent who cares enough to work on the therapy skills with them. (And yes, I think of everything as therapy too!) I have friends who would totally be irritated at having kids who were slower than typical.

[Jennifer3141]

Reading has been going slowly for us too. DD is 7 and just wants to be read TO. The upside of it is that her comprehension is pretty great. I try to relax about it but she's just not getting it.

[Wabi Sabi]

I can't believe all the responses intimating that the mothers are probably lying. How rude.

 

 

 

Why is it rude to suggest that some of the moms *might* possibly be exaggerating? No one said that all of them are lying or that it's not possible for a 6 y/o to read such books. It's a fact: some people are prone to exaggeration, especially when it comes to their children. Are most of them telling the truth? Of course, most likely. Are there some that embellish a bit? It would naive to think otherwise IMO.

 

And FWIW, to the OP, my 6 y/o ds who just finished kindergarten isn't reading novels either. Not even close. He's good with very simple books with only a few words per page and large type. I'm not too worried yet and can only assume that his reading will really take off at some point, but it's sometimes still hard to keep that in mind when his younger best friend is tearing through one chapter book after the other.

[iona]

I'd encourage you to stop comparing. It isn't healthy for mom or child. Your son might have many struggles with things that other kids don't.

 

I've wondered...

What if a child never loves reading or is always below grade level. How is my self worth tied to my child's achievements? I'm thinking out loud about my own weaknesses, not saying that these apply to you.

[laundrycrisis]

DS2 will be 6 in Sept and is just now starting to read CVC words. And I am not worried about it. I did not learn to read those until I was 6.5.

 

DS1 is 8.5, a graduate of a full year of vision therapy, and just now reading paragraphs that are at the end of 2nd grade or beginning of 3rd grade level. He still does not read whole books (like leveled readers) by himself. But he has made amazing progress.

 

It is sometimes hard to hear that kids his age are reading entire Harry Potter novels on their own. Really I prefer not to know. It doesn't help me help him, starting from where he is today, and that is what I need to keep my focus on.

 

I have recently purchased a large collection of leveled readers that are topics I believe will interest him. One of my next academic goals for him is to be able to get through a reader by himself. It really does not help me when friends point out that their kids finished with those books by age 6.5.

Edited June 22, 2011 by laundrycrisis

[MeganW]

DS1 is 8.5, a graduate of a full year of vision therapy, and just now reading paragraphs that are at the end of 2nd grade or beginning of 3rd grade level. He still does not read whole books (like leveled readers) by himself. But he has made amazing progress.

 

WOOHOO!!! Love hearing that!!! We start VT with 2 kids next Tuesday!!

[Sputterduck]

Why is it rude to suggest that some of the moms *might* possibly be exaggerating? No one said that all of them are lying or that it's not possible for a 6 y/o to read such books. It's a fact: some people are prone to exaggeration, especially when it comes to their children. Are most of them telling the truth? Of course, most likely. Are there some that embellish a bit? It would naive to think otherwise IMO.

 

And FWIW, to the OP, my 6 y/o ds who just finished kindergarten isn't reading novels either. Not even close. He's good with very simple books with only a few words per page and large type. I'm not too worried yet and can only assume that his reading will really take off at some point, but it's sometimes still hard to keep that in mind when his younger best friend is tearing through one chapter book after the other.

 

It's pretty much always rude to imply that someone you don't know is lying.

[Desert Rat]

My 8yo was a slow to start reader. Now, he's wonderful! We just didn't rush him and slowly moved forward, sometimes by inches it seemed. He just took off about 6 months ago. (I was getting a bit worried but figured it was because my oldest was reading at 2.5 and I had nothing else to base my experience on.)

[Brigitte]

The twin who struggled with learning to read is now, by far, the better reader of the two. They do it at their own pace and you never know what the outcome will be. Also, I am pretty leary of all these people I know with "advanced" readers and kids who are writing book reports in the 2nd grade.......

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Thanks again for the replies.

 

I'm really not stressing over it or pushing him too much. It's just that once in while things will sort of slap me in the face!

 

The FB post was about a child reading an Amelia Bedelia (sp?) book, so I didn't think it was BS. It was just in the moment. Ds and I had finishing his HOP lesson for the day where he's painfully sounding out words, and I check my FB and there's a kid a little younger who just blew right by him.

 

I try very hard to not compare him with other kids. I compare him to himself. He's doing better now than he was 10 months ago, and in another 10 months I'm sure I will be able to pick at least 1 learned skill out.

 

He starts VT very soon, is going for a complex diagnostic appt. to include a treatment plan. Things are looking better, it's just very slow.

[FrogMom5]

Many people have probably already said this but, try not to stress about it. My oldest did not learn to read until he was about 10. This is very common in my family and they all are avid readers. In fact, my son tested at a college reading level in 7th grade.

:grouphug:

Denise

[laundrycrisis]

The FB post was about a child reading an Amelia Bedelia (sp?) book, so I didn't think it was BS. It was just in the moment. Ds and I had finishing his HOP lesson for the day where he's painfully sounding out words, and I check my FB and there's a kid a little younger who just blew right by him.

 

 

I have not, and I will not ever make posts about "my kid just did this !!!" regarding anything having to do with academics or generally along the lines of "I am raising a genius". Because I don't think it helps anyone to read those, and I know how upsetting it can be to other parents.

 

I have a kid who is not diagnosed but has always come into things at a later age that other kids seem to. I noticed back when he was a baby and I was in discussion groups for a due date or birth season (ie spring 2003 babies etc) that all the other moms would have posted about their kids reaching some milestone...and most of the time, mine did it a full nine months after all the other kids. It's not like I'm going to post "woo hoo, our 18 month old just started walking ! Yay ! " It's been a similar experience with many other things too. I've learned that some parents are often competitive and like to brag and gloat; that some like to find out what my kid is doing for school so they can notice aloud that their kid who is younger than mine is further along; that some will go on and on and on, both in person and online about how amazing they think their child is...really. Even people who know about our son's difficulties will do this.

 

We all think our kids are amazing, and they are. My son is amazing because even though things are often hard for him, he will keep at it until he gets it. Because he has a tiny private celebration on the mound every time he throws a strike even if he threw eight balls in a row before it (he sort of bounces and grins). Because he notices the previews for the science shows and asks me to record every show on black holes.

 

I do my best to stay out of threads in which people are comparing what their x year old is doing for school. I change the subject when someone starts going on and on about how ahead their kid is academically. I skim those FB posts without fully reading them. I save my own "bragging" for things that are unique, not measurable, and not something that can be easily compared. I do not want anyone to read something I post about my kid and end up feeling sad.