Faking Homeschool/life Reality

[Mommamia]

I'm deleting my post...as I think my thoughts and questions have been answered. I appreciate everyones input.

Edited June 21, 2011 by mom2littleboys

[newlifemom]

Ok, so I'm a bit verklempt right now....sort of going "huh?". In a nutshell, we have friends who unschool and just started living in an rv. The mom writes a blog(a very neat blog), but having spent time with them and privy to their life I know that the blog is not fully truthful. I just found out that a homeschool magazine wants to write an article about this family (possibly have her write).

The thing that bothers me is that when you read the blog you think how fabulous everything is, but as I said it's not the truth. I read it and go "wow, what a cool life". I even get caught up in it. See what I am saying. I really believe that it's going to make other homeschool moms feel inadequate when it's really not reality:glare: If you knew what I knew you would not think it's as fabulous as it "reads".

 

I know, I need to mind my own business and move on. It's now making me question a lot of what I read on the net.

 

 

As you should. I suppose that is a pessimistic cop out, but really, I have been homeschooling enough to read articles like that and know that some are true, some are pretty much true, and some are bald face lies. It is when I meet the families, and get to know them that I will look to them for advice and encouragement.

 

There ya go, apparently my cup is only half full. :tongue_smilie:

[KrissiK]

I personally have a hard time believing anything I read in any sort of media. I've had newspaper articles written about me or my family (in our small town) and they are inaccurate. I've read articles written about situations I have first hand knowledge of and I've seen glaring inaccuracies. I have a blog, and while I do not lie on it at all, everything I write is completely truthful, it's not exhaustively truthful. In other words, I don't write about my bad days, when I yell at my children and the house is a mess and we have hotdogs and chips for dinner. However, I can see how you are frustrated knowing that this woman does lie on her blog. Hopefully this magazine will check her out a little before doing a story on her.

[arghmatey]

I'm optimistic about most things; however, I think we've all learned that if it sounds too good to be true, there's a big chance it could be.

 

If this experience is what it takes to make others question truth in life, then good.

 

Still, so what? Let her have her cake. If other people feel bad because someone else's life seems better than theirs, then the problem is personal and would manifest itself in other ways, too.

[WishboneDawn]

I think most blogs are like that, mine included.

 

I blog about the stuff I'm inspired to blog about and usually that's the good bits.

 

I blog to create something to inspire myself, an image to aspire to whether it's the on-the-ball homeschooler or beginning pseudo-homesteader or whatever.

 

I blog to entertain others so stories are sometimes written more with an eye to telling a good story rather then preserving every fact.

 

I blog to share what worked so it's the stuff that works that gets shared.

 

What I don't blog for is to expose everyone to the inner workings and faults of my family or to create a painfully factual record of my life. I'm not a journalist, I'm just a mom who keeps a blog. Not that some of the bad stuff never gets written about but generally my blog is more upbeat then my real life is.

 

 

I keep all this in mind as I read, and enjoy, the blogs of others.

 

ETA: We really did go fishing in our own pond yesterday and the fish really were that big. :D

[Mommamia]

Still, so what? Let her have her cake. If other people feel bad because someone else's life seems better than theirs, then the problem is personal and would manifest itself in other ways, too.

 

True. It still bugs me:tongue_smilie: ha!

[Mommamia]

I think most blogs are like that, mine included.

 

I blog about the stuff I'm inspired to blog about and usually that's the good bits.

 

I blog to create something to inspire myself, an image to aspire to whether it's the on-the-ball homeschooler or beginning pseudo-homesteader or whatever.

 

I blog to entertain others so stories are sometimes written more with an eye to telling a good story rather then preserving every fact.

 

I blog to share what worked so it's the stuff that works that gets shared.

 

What I don't blog for is to expose everyone to the inner workings and faults of my family or to create a painfully factual record of my life. I'm not a journalist, I'm just a mom who keeps a blog. Not that some of the bad stuff never gets written about but generally my blog is more upbeat then my real life is.

 

 

I keep all this in mind as I read, and enjoy, the blogs of others.

 

ETA: We really did go fishing in our own pond yesterday and the fish really were that big. :D

 

I get what you are saying, but this is truly a different situation. Without going into detail, this is a bit heavier in the not sharing department. This simply isn't about a mom who is choosing not to share things(I have no problem with that) or slightly making things look more fantastic than they are. Again, I don't want to give specifics because I don't want to share her blog. This is a really strange situation. If you heard the story you might think it was a made for tv movie. Seriously.

:tongue_smilie:I always post on WTM and then regret it.

[WishboneDawn]

I get what you are saying, but this is truly a different situation. Without going into detail, this is a bit heavier in the not sharing department. This simply isn't about a mom who is choosing not to share things(I have no problem with that) or slightly making things look more fantastic than they are. Again, I don't want to give specifics because I don't want to share her blog. This is a really strange situation. If you heard the story you might think it was a made for tv movie. Seriously.

:tongue_smilie:I always post on WTM and then regret it.

 

Okay. I'll trust that you're right. You know the specifics, I don't. :)

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Oh, don't regret it! :grouphug:

 

It is good to take all Mommy Blogs with a mountain of salt. I think most of us do like Wishbone Dawn, highlighting stuff we want to remember or that we think is interesting, but there are some out to deceive.

 

10 years ago, an online acquaintance showed me how easy it is to do it. She created a false homesteading blog, complete with pictures of barn, land, animals, children...including a place to order farm goods and crafts through paypal! She was running a little sociological experiment to see how many people would order quilts and soap from a fake site. The answer: Many.

 

Because she succeeded at that so effortlessly, she doesn't trust anyone on the internet anymore.

 

The temptation to build an alternate universe online is more than some people can resist. (Personally speaking, I would re-think close association with a woman who does this to the point of contributing her fake life to a magazine. That's pretty shifty.)

[twoforjoy]

There are a good number of "real life" blogs that I think are more fiction than fact.

[Carol in Cal.]

I think it's terrible that people lie about things. And it's not really impressive; it's sad.

 

I remember when I found out that the intro to "Laurel's Kitchen" was not factual. I was so disappointed, because it seemed so personal and sincere, but actually included made up characters. It was flat out deceptive, and that is not right.

 

Publishing an article asserting that the blog material is factual is not right either. If someone wants to pretend on a blog, fine, but asserting facts that are not true is not fine anywhere.

[Mrs Mungo]

One of my favorite song lyrics:

 

"Do you want it to be interesting or do you want it to be true?"

Edited June 20, 2011 by Mrs Mungo

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

I'm trying to decide if I think you should tell the magazine people or not.

[WishboneDawn]

*I don't think I explained myself well. It's not simply a blog with fluff. There are full details that are lies. It's not just adding things to make it seem better, it is not factual...as in things happened so different than reported. Anyway....why am I bothering thinking about this? *smiling and rolling eyes*

 

Because you're bothered by deceit. :) I think you've got a right to be upset about this.

 

Just don't let it stop you from enjoying other blogs.

[mommymilkies]

If it's something big, the magazine may be entitled to know. It may hurt your friendship, though. I would caution you to be 100% sure with proof, though. I know a lot of blogs do not talk about the negative stuff. Maybe I'm naive about the ones I've read. I know mine's not fiction. I don't have a good enough imagination to work something up!

[Mrs_JWM]

I'm trying to decide if I think you should tell the magazine people or not.

 

I would vote no on that...it just seems like inserting oneself too much. If there were something illegal going on, then it would be appropriate to go to the necessary authorities. Otherwise, I would smile and say, "Wow!" in a way that clearly communicated my complete disbelief at the situation!

 

However...I must confess to me extreme nosiness. I'm dying to know the blog because I'm a terrible secret gossip. I just gossip in my own head; I don't ever have any good dirt to dish. :tongue_smilie:

[5LittleMonkeys]

I'm just trying to imagine how this person can face you knowing that you read her blog and know that a lot of it is fabricated. Does it ever come up in conversation? "Hey I read on your blog about this wonderful xyz, tell me more about it." "Oh, we didn't actually do that but it made for a great story didn't it.":confused:

[WishboneDawn]

I'm just trying to imagine how this person can face you knowing that you read her blog and know that a lot of it is fabricated. Does it ever come up in conversation? "Hey I read on your blog about this wonderful xyz, tell me more about it." "Oh, we didn't actually do that but it made for a great story didn't it.":confused:

 

That's what I don't get. People who know me IRL read my blog...I can't wander too far from reality.

[FaithManor]

I learned at the age of 10 a dear lesson about the "twisting" of reality in print.

 

A local journalist came to interview my dad about a semi-pro super-stock racing car he was building. (My dad should have been a NASCAR pit-crew chief and not in the Heating/AC business! LOL) Dad had been running a semi-pro team for probably eight years at that time.

 

So, said journalist came for the interview at the shop and the car was a CHASSIS ON BLOCKS, literally in the first stages of being built. Keep this in mind. Additionally, the chassis was purchased from Stan Ye (chassis builder for several Nascar pros of the day, Richard Petty, etc.) My dad was actually building only the engine and transmission himself (racing engine expert who didn't work in the industry simply because he doesn't like having a boss; he wants to be the boss) and the body came from a camaro at the local salvage lot.

 

Dad talked to the guy about what performance he hoped he would get from #20 and the efforts he and the team were putting into it, where it would race, who would be driving, etc. Guess what the article stated...that #20 was complete and had already been qualifying at the track at speeds of 160 m.p.h.

 

Gotta tell ya, it's awful hard to clock 160 m.p.h. while sitting on the blocks! A huge number of people were completely taken in and called my dad to congratulate him on his success. They were a bit shocked to find the story was that inaccurate.

 

Moral of the story, don't be gullible. Yes there are a lot of homeschoolers that could be taken in and the reality is that this is their own fault. They need to do their own research and make choices for their family based on what is best for them and not because some family featured in a magazine does it. But, just because you know them in real life, does not mean that you can or should bring evidence against them. It's pretty much heresay unless corroborated by multiple sources.

 

It is up to the magazine to send journalists to their home to observe their innerworkings, to look at porfolios of work, to interview relatives, neighbors, or whatever they need for corroboration for the story. If they don't do anything to verify facts there is little that can be done.

 

Faith

[Mommamia]

I'm trying to decide if I think you should tell the magazine people or not.

 

A friend and I have been wondering that:glare:

[Mommamia]

Because you're bothered by deceit. :) I think you've got a right to be upset about this.

 

Just don't let it stop you from enjoying other blogs.

 

Thank you, and yes!

 

Actually, I could quote just about all of you. You each are sharing interesting (and funny) thoughts. Thanks!

[KnitWit]

Reminds me of the movie "Christmas in Connecticut".

[Mommamia]

It was interesting how she stated they were staying in one city, when they were really in another (my city). It just sounded better to state the other.

[Sugarfoot]

It was interesting how she stated they were staying in one city, when they were really in another (my city). It just sounded better to state the other.

 

I think this is strange. Only blogging about the positive things/good times is one thing, and in my mind, understandable. But why the actual untruths? Yes, that would bother me, too.

[MelanieM]

It was interesting how she stated they were staying in one city, when they were really in another (my city). It just sounded better to state the other.

 

Ah. This reminds me of a childhood (teen) friend who fabricated a vacation to Hawaii when she was actually going to Boston. (We lived in Newfoundland; either would have seemed exciting!) She even called me 'from the beach in Hawaii' to tell me about how wonderful it was. Then she brought me back a souvenir with a big story about how it was locally made in Hawaii, and I turned it over to find a 'made in Taiwan' sticker on the bottom. It was so bizarre!! (And at the time, more than a little heartbreaking.) I discovered that she was a pathological liar and really couldn't help herself. (There were many, many, many other BIG things that came to light after all of that.)

[Mimm]

Maybe (looking for the silver lining here) her blog has been an encouragement and a source of inspiration for mothers out there. Though I think of how disheartening it would be if someone were inspired by a blog and then found out it was fake. Like if you were looking at someone's life and thought "Well, this is obviously totally doable, after all That Blog Lady does it and makes it seem so easy. Maybe it's not as easy as it looks but I can still make XYZ happen for my family too!" And then you find out much of the blog's content was fabricated... :glare:

[Hen]

that is really stinky, that she blogs untruths/un-reality. I think for people who are honest, it is hard to fathom how someone could do that, how their conscience would not eat them alive.

 

I don't know, I would be tempted to tell the magazine, but then again, I think you might end up feeling even yuckier if you get entangled more personally with the whole saga.

 

I tend to think and know from experience, that people who are dishonest/disingenuous do end up having it blow up in their faces. It will happen eventually, you might feel cleaner to keep out of it. Tho, I have a big sense of justice, so yeah, it would be really tempting to me to out her...

 

good luck with your decision, wishing you peace. I have a guess who it might be. If it's who I think, I go back and forth from enjoying her and trying to take her at face value to being skeptical.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I have a blog. I'm sure a post or two is interesting enough. The majority is probably boring for the average reader. And it's certainly not overly positive as I often write to vent. I really think I should just quit sometimes. I'd love to be able to write WELL and be interesting or even inspirational. Oh well.

 

I do have to be a little secretive about things here though. I can't give identifying information or pictures. I totally get why, of course; but sometimes I wish I could show off my beautiful little ones, call them by their names, etc.

 

I think the concern with the magazine would be if you would be asked to participate.

 

ETA: I think people like this make it harder for people to believe each other. I remember at the end of May 2006, I posted on the WTM board about something that happened to me. A few people suggested that I was lying (likely because I didn't rush to the hospital and possibly because of my age at the time vs the issue). I was a regular poster, but.... Another poster who knew me IRL vouched for me and I guess in the end most people ended up believing me, at least to whatever degree people believe one another, but.... It'd be nice if people would just be honest.

Edited June 20, 2011 by 2J5M9K

[regentrude]

It is up to the magazine to send journalists to their home to observe their innerworkings, to look at porfolios of work, to interview relatives, neighbors, or whatever they need for corroboration for the story. If they don't do anything to verify facts there is little that can be done.

 

 

:iagree:

[Cindyg]

I have an IRL friend just like that. It's very difficult to hold my tongue, but it is not mine to reconcile. I could post stories here that would make your mouth drop open, but I cannot. She might read here and recognize herself.

[gardening momma]

Ah. This reminds me of a childhood (teen) friend who fabricated a vacation to Hawaii when she was actually going to Boston. (We lived in Newfoundland; either would have seemed exciting!) She even called me 'from the beach in Hawaii' to tell me about how wonderful it was. Then she brought me back a souvenir with a big story about how it was locally made in Hawaii, and I turned it over to find a 'made in Taiwan' sticker on the bottom.

You can buy many souvenirs in Hawaii that are made elsewhere. ;) We were there in 2007 and had a hard time finding things actually made in Hawaii (in our price range).

[gardening momma]

Maybe (looking for the silver lining here) her blog has been an encouragement and a source of inspiration for mothers out there. Though I think of how disheartening it would be if someone were inspired by a blog and then found out it was fake. Like if you were looking at someone's life and thought "Well, this is obviously totally doable, after all That Blog Lady does it and makes it seem so easy. Maybe it's not as easy as it looks but I can still make XYZ happen for my family too!" And then you find out much of the blog's content was fabricated... :glare:

:iagree:

 

If someone wrote about how they kept their kitchen floor spic and span all the time, that would probably serve as an inspiration to me. If I heard that everyone kept their floor that way, it would probably make me get my butt in gear. If I heard that no kitchen floors anywhere were ever kept in that condition, I would be disappointed and my floor would stay the way it is. So I actually would rather hear how wonderful it all is. :)

[Cricket]

Do you think this magazine will actually spend time with the family? I'm thinking that maybe the reporter will realize that much is fabrication? I don't post on my blog much because most of my life is very unglamorous and boring and it would be so weird to just make up stuff. I usually post things for myself to organize ideas or remember something.

[Susan in KY]

I remember when I found out that the intro to "Laurel's Kitchen" was not factual.

 

WHAT!!!!!:confused::confused:

[Wildiris]

Oh, don't regret it! :grouphug:

 

It is good to take all Mommy Blogs with a mountain of salt. I think most of us do like Wishbone Dawn, highlighting stuff we want to remember or that we think is interesting, but there are some out to deceive.

 

10 years ago, an online acquaintance showed me how easy it is to do it. She created a false homesteading blog, complete with pictures of barn, land, animals, children...including a place to order farm goods and crafts through paypal! She was running a little sociological experiment to see how many people would order quilts and soap from a fake site. The answer: Many.

 

Because she succeeded at that so effortlessly, she doesn't trust anyone on the internet anymore.

 

The temptation to build an alternate universe online is more than some people can resist. (Personally speaking, I would re-think close association with a woman who does this to the point of contributing her fake life to a magazine. That's pretty shifty.)

 

Wow! is all I can say to the above.

 

About blogs and your dilemma: I've stopped reading those homeschool blogs that post glowing weekly reports of how little James solved multiple calculus equations while still in kindergarten. It irks me when parents do this because I know the daily ins and outs of the homeschool day also. From my perspective, far too many of those would-be blissful homeschool days are not glowing enough to write about.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would talk to my friend about being morally obligated to present the truth. Someone needs to uphold some journalistic integrity in this situation. Just because journalist have fabricated stories in the past, and won Pulitzer prizes for their fictional efforts, does not make it right. Because you know the truth of the situation, don't you think you're now complicit in the fabrication too if you remain silent? If it were me, I'd have a hard time keeping my mouth shut.

[TheAutumnOak]

I don't think I could be friends with that person anymore.

 

:iagree:

Honesty is very important to me...I don't make up stuff on my blog (whenever I get around to saying anything) or anything like that...I just assumed that people would portray themselves in an honest way...Doing otherwise makes you deceitful, and I have a problem with having friends I KNOW are deceitful...

 

I don't think it is right at all to portray yourself in a magazine or anywhere in an untrue manner unless it is known that the story is fiction...If it should be true, then it needs to be true...

[LibraryLover]

Really? I've always loved that "keeper of the keys" intro. How did you find it was made up?

 

I think it's terrible that people lie about things. And it's not really impressive; it's sad.

 

I remember when I found out that the intro to "Laurel's Kitchen" was not factual. I was so disappointed, because it seemed so personal and sincere, but actually included made up characters. It was flat out deceptive, and that is not right.

 

Publishing an article asserting that the blog material is factual is not right either. If someone wants to pretend on a blog, fine, but asserting facts that are not true is not fine anywhere.

[2cents]

I've seen enough of the net to know that what you read is not all true or sometimes even close. I've known some hsers that spend crazy amounts of time blogging about how to homeschool or running coops and they are really good at it, but at the expense of their homeschool. I'm not saying this is the case with all but I have seen it happen in real life. From the cases I've seen, I think some of it has to do with a need for outside validation.

[Tohru]

Ok, so I'm a bit verklempt right now....sort of going "huh?". In a nutshell, we have friends who unschool and just started living in an rv. The mom writes a blog(a very neat blog), but having spent time with them and privy to their life I know that the blog is not truthful. I just found out that a homeschool magazine wants to write an article about this family (possibly have her write).

The thing that bothers me is that when you read the blog you think how fabulous everything is, but as I said it's not the truth. I read it and go "wow, what a cool life". I even get caught up in it. See what I am saying. I really believe that it's going to make other homeschool moms feel inadequate when it's really not reality:glare: If you knew what I knew you would not think it's as fabulous as it "reads".

 

I know, I need to mind my own business and move on. It's now making me question a lot of what I read on the net.

 

*I don't think I explained myself well. It's not simply a blog with fluff. There are full details that are lies. It's not just adding things to make it seem better, it is not factual...as in things happened so different than reported. Anyway....why am I bothering thinking about this? *smiling and rolling eyes*

 

I know a few people that are COMPLETELY different in real life than the way they act online. I think there is an ideal of what kind of person they want to be, and then there is the reality of how they act and live.

 

My attitude now is that if the ideal they post helps inspire others, than it's fantastic. However, I too get annoyed with the lies and fakeness of it all. Knowing the discrepancies was one of the reasons I left Facebook :)

[WishboneDawn]

 

. (We lived in Newfoundland; either would have seemed exciting!)

:lol::lol::lol:

[WishboneDawn]

I don't think I could be friends with that person anymore.

 

That a good point.

 

If the friend is putting you (the OP) in moral dilemmas like this, effectively in moral danger (here I'm borrowing from Barbara Coloroso :)) then it's really not a good friendship.

 

Either way this play out you'll be feeling bad and things will be messy. It might be best to step back from the friendship?

[WishboneDawn]

I know a few people that are COMPLETELY different in real life than the way they act online.

 

To be fair, I'm often quite a bit different online then I am IRL. The keyboard and internet tends to let different aspects of my personality through.

 

Not sure if that's what you meant though.

[Annie Laurie]

I sat here for a minute contemplating pming you, because I'm hoping it's not who I think you're talking about. There is a blog I really enjoy who are rving. Then I decided maybe it doesn't matter if it's real or not, but I'm still pondering that. There's no way for us to know if anything on the net is real, so I guess it's best not to put too much stock in it.

[JennifersLost]

I think there are two issues:

 

1. The magazine article. Any magazine reporter worth their salt will fact-check. Of course, they won't if they want to sell a lifestyle, not the truth. Just about every magazine out there is a panderer of lies, right? Think Martha Stewart. There's a line in Sarah Ban Breathnach's book when she says that she was on the set of some lifestyle tv show and the people who put together the craft for the day that viewers were supposed to want to make at home said, "There. They'll never be able to do that at home!" In other words, the show was designed to make people into failures.

 

I'd stay out of it, personally. Just take away the wisdom of what you've learned.

 

2. Your friendship. Do you want to be friends with a liar? I would discuss your concerns with her, and if you can't then I'd think hard about why you can't. Do you want a friend you can't talk openly with?

[Oops, duplicate account :/]

I'm really shocked by how many here wouldn't speak up or 'might' consider stepping away from the friendship. :001_huh:

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Well, I wouldn't be friends with this gal in the first place, but I do think there's not an automatic default to doing the magazine editor's job for him. There are things to consider about that. Does the OP really have the whole story? If the OP is dealing with a pathological liar, does she really want to turn the tale-teller's attention to herself and her family?

 

If she's not willing to take those risks, she should hold her peace.

 

Sherlock Holmes didn't always turn in the crooks he caught. He told Watson that he felt no obligation to make up for Scotland Yard's deficiencies.

[Mrs Mungo]

I'm really shocked by how many here wouldn't speak up or 'might' consider stepping away from the friendship. :001_huh:

 

I can imagine scenarios for both instances. I don't know this woman. I haven't read her blog. I don't know the real circumstances. Why would I pronounce such a judgment?

[Oops, duplicate account :/]

Well, I wouldn't be friends with this gal in the first place, but I do think there's not an automatic default to doing the magazine editor's job for him. There are things to consider about that. Does the OP really have the whole story? If the OP is dealing with a pathological liar, does she really want to turn the tale-teller's attention to herself and her family?

 

If she's not willing to take those risks, she should hold her peace.

 

Sherlock Holmes didn't always turn in the crooks he caught. He told Watson that he felt no obligation to make up for Scotland Yard's deficiencies.

 

A annoymous call to the reporter or comment on her blog are options as well.

[Mommamia]

Interesting thoughts, gals. It's been on my mind all day. I actually started feeling heavy hearted. I'm guessing that if she needs to make her life seem far different than it is she is a sad person. I could give you a long list of strange events with this person. We are friends, but not the gabbing on the phone close girlfriend friend. Though, I believe she considers me a close friend. I think she has a very different view of friendship than I do. Looking back, she lied to us from our first meeting (saying she would be living here for a few years when she KNEW it would only be a few months). I believe she was afraid we wouldn't get to know them if we knew they were moving so soon. Though we would have. Her blog is fairly new, and it seems that most of her readers are people she has met through their rv blogs or family. They never stay in one place for long so nobody would question their story. KWIM? Things have always been shady with her. My husband sees it, my friends see it. I feel sort of sadness and anger toward her. Our children love each other, and because we won't see them often I can remain friends. I've been thinking about how to handle the situation....still not sure.

 

Now I want to know what blog y'all are thinking it is!!:001_huh:

[angela in ohio]

I know exactly how you feel. There was a homeschooler I got to know through a mutual activity many years ago. She had a "foundation" soliciting donations for her daughter. But much of what she said on the blog, to the media, etc. was not really the true situation. It always made me feel slimy to know her, and I broke off any relationship pretty quickly, because she was taking money from people. But it wasn't enough of a lie (her dd did have the condition, they just didn't have the situation they told people) to come out and say something.

 

In your case, I would be tempted to ask her about somthing from her blog. ;)