Ellesmere Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 Ya know, it seems like you have a lot invested in this thread and jumping all over the OP. Maybe if you disagree with the OP so much you should just move on with something else. :iagree: Why keep coming back to this thread? Why continue to needle someone? Maybe she's not bothered but it is unpleasant to me and it's not even my thread. Why not be kind to someone who is hurting, even if you disagree? I know someone who was given fancy diamond earrings AND ear piercing. And in that case, there was no love behind the gift. Fancy gifts don't equal affection and in that person's case, it was hurtful. The guy was emotionally abusive and it was a mess of a relationship, but he looked good for giving such fancy things. Was she supposed to be grateful? (She later gave them back and ended it.) I don't understand jumping on the OP and calling her such things when she clearly wasn't being materialistic. It's not like she was asking for bigger diamonds. No need to apologize and attack my marriage. :confused: Dh is not good at hearing what I say when I mean no gifts :tongue_smilie: and that hurts but it doesn't define who we are as a couple nor will I allow it to ruin this day, which will go on like most every other day does. :) Sometimes a girl just needs to vent and know that someone out there understands. Life's too short to dwell on stuff like this for too long so I got it out of my system when nobody else is home to be witness to it. ;) Jane, Happy Mother's Day to you. Sorry it had a rough start and hope your week gets better! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2Smile Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 I think it's safe to say you've made your feelings known. Is there a particular reason you see the ned to pile on? Jane, you have every right to feel hurt and disappointed. You're under no obligation to feel gratitude just because a man has deigned to buy you something. Sheesh. I hope that you've managed turn your day around, and please know that some of us don't think it's your duty to feign delight, or anything for that matter. Because I'd like to know the husbands feelings in all this. I hate seeing husband bashing. Sheesh! I am sorry, but the OP comes across as a whiney, complaining spoiled brat. So what if her husband was shopping out late the day before. At least he WENT. and when does the husband expected to get the wife a mother's day gift? Isn't that up to the children? She is not his mother. Try being a little more grateful. You don't wear earings? Trade them in for a ring, or a necklace or sell them on ebay, but to bash your husband because you didn't like the gift? Totally ungrateful Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2Smile Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 :iagree:Why keep coming back to this thread? Why continue to needle someone? Maybe she's not bothered but it is unpleasant to me and it's not even my thread. Why not be kind to someone who is hurting, even if you disagree? I know someone who was given fancy diamond earrings AND ear piercing. And in that case, there was no love behind the gift. Fancy gifts don't equal affection and in that person's case, it was hurtful. The guy was emotionally abusive and it was a mess of a relationship, but he looked good for giving such fancy things. Was she supposed to be grateful? (She later gave them back and ended it.) I don't understand jumping on the OP and calling her such things when she clearly wasn't being materialistic. It's not like she was asking for bigger diamonds. Jane, Happy Mother's Day to you. Sorry it had a rough start and hope your week gets better! :001_smile: Okay then, if she is abused or their marriage is on the rocks, go talk to a counselor not a public forum and bash your husband when people don't really know what is going on behind closed doors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 She wasn't husband bashing, she was expressing disappointment. It is perfectly normal. I don't want diamond earrings either. We can't afford them and I don't really wear jewelry. I didn't get anything for Mother's day either other than a day with my family but we cannot afford that sort of thing right now. I am glad with what I got because that was what I wanted. There is no need to poop on someone's pity party and get all nasty and mean. Name calling not allowed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2Smile Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 She wasn't husband bashing, she was expressing disappointment. It is perfectly normal. I don't want diamond earrings either. We can't afford them. I didn't get anything for Mother's day either other than a day with my family but we cannot afford that sort of thing right now. I am glad with what I got because that was what I wanted. There is no need to poop on someone's pity party and get all nasty and mean. Name calling not allowed. Who is "name calling" ? I was expressing how she comes "across". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 It's kinda like if my husband still offered me milk. It's an expensive gift, and you had offered something you'd love. My husband got caught up in the moment at an auction one year, I had excused myself for a moment. He spent about $225.00 when he had asked what I wanted. It's the year I stopped drinking espresso's out, and wanted a Starbuck's espresso machine. I was pretty upset.... and so.. I just went out and bought one. I still refer to it as my Mother's Day present... and I used what I could out of his $225.00 present (gift certificates that had expired...etc.) So.. he got to spend and I got my gift ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Because I'd like to know the husbands feelings in all this. I hate seeing husband bashing. Sheesh! I am sorry, but the OP comes across as a whiney, complaining spoiled brat. So what if her husband was shopping out late the day before. At least he WENT. and when does the husband expected to get the wife a mother's day gift? Isn't that up to the children? She is not his mother. Try being a little more grateful. You don't wear earings? Trade them in for a ring, or a necklace or sell them on ebay, but to bash your husband because you didn't like the gift? Totally ungrateful Actually, Jane comes off smelling like a rose in comparison with your harsh and judgemental posts. ::shrug:: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2Smile Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Well you guys go continue with your pity party, I am unsubbing from this thread. No wonder men cannot understand women... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Who is "name calling" ?I was expressing how she comes "across". You attacked her. You need to calm down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 There is no need to poop on someone's pity party and get all nasty and mean. Name calling not allowed. I think the poster in question is only interested in other people's manners, which is ironic considering the type of criticism she's heaping on Jane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joy at Home Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Because I'd like to know the husbands feelings in all this. I hate seeing husband bashing. Sheesh! I am sorry, but the OP comes across as a whiney, complaining spoiled brat. So what if her husband was shopping out late the day before. At least he WENT. and when does the husband expected to get the wife a mother's day gift? Isn't that up to the children? She is not his mother. Try being a little more grateful. You don't wear earings? Trade them in for a ring, or a necklace or sell them on ebay, but to bash your husband because you didn't like the gift? Totally ungrateful Of course, there is ALWAYS more to the story, as we are all complex people in complex relationships. OP just wanted sympathy and support and if you could give neither, then you don't need to comment. We all need a comfy place to fall sometimes without judgement. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Yikes. The OP shared how she felt about getting a gift she can't use. It is okay for someone to say "That hurt my feelings" without being called an ungrateful husband-basher. It's not like she called her dh names or said anything negative about *him* as a person. Instead, she vented here so she could move on with her day and enjoy her family, including her dh. No need to kick someone while they're down. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 LOL, My love language is "physical touch" so a big hug is the best gift for me! But I would not turn down the earings! That's me too :lol: I should add that when DH is in a quiet mood or has nothing nice to say to me :lol: it is hurtful. I can imagine if the OP's love language is gifts how this could hurt. Or how if you can't get a hug if that's your LL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyBlueLobsters Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 To the OP. I'm sorry you're hurt. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellesmere Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Ya know, it seems like you have a lot invested in this thread and jumping all over the OP. Maybe if you disagree with the OP so much you should just move on with something else. No need to apologize and attack my marriage. :confused: Dh is not good at hearing what I say when I mean no gifts :tongue_smilie: and that hurts but it doesn't define who we are as a couple nor will I allow it to ruin this day, which will go on like most every other day does. :) Sometimes a girl just needs to vent and know that someone out there understands. Life's too short to dwell on stuff like this for too long so I got it out of my system when nobody else is home to be witness to it. ;) As for the earrings, well, I'm not about to get my ears pierced today (or any other day) so perhaps there's an AG doll laying around that would enjoy them. Because I'd like to know the husbands feelings in all this. I hate seeing husband bashing. Sheesh! I am sorry, but the OP comes across as a whiney, complaining spoiled brat. So what if her husband was shopping out late the day before. At least he WENT. and when does the husband expected to get the wife a mother's day gift? Isn't that up to the children? She is not his mother. Try being a little more grateful. You don't wear earings? Trade them in for a ring, or a necklace or sell them on ebay, but to bash your husband because you didn't like the gift? Totally ungrateful I could be wrong, but it seemed like she wanted to vent to someone instead of complaining to him. She just wanted to get it out of her system and move on. I didn't see it as bashing. I did feel concern that this thread is against the forum rule about spouses but I didn't really see her bad-mouthing his character. Perhaps this thread does prove that calling a friend would have been a better thing to do instead of posting on line about such a topic. Regardless of whether or not I disagree with the OP (and I don't think this was the place to vent about it, either), I think it's inappropriate to keep going after the OP and essentially calling her a brat. How does that help her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Well you guys go continue with your pity party, I am unsubbing from this thread. No wonder men cannot understand women... Or maybe if they listened they would? My husband did weird stuff for years, a desktop zen garden (we had a cat!!! *snort*) random other things (sometimes expensive) I would never use. Now he knows I swoon if I get socks or a wheelbarrow but would be completely bewildered by jewelery. It isn't the expense or the bling factor. It is just unsuitable. If my dh got me some dirt I would be thrilled but a tennis bracelet or diamond earrings just aren't the kind of girl I am. It took ten years but my dh knows more about who I am then when we were younger. I did end up pointing it out to him. :lol: Now he is a bit better. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 It's not about the expense of the gift. It isn't even about getting a gift or not getting a gift. He got here pierced earrings and she DOESN'T HAVE PIERCED EARS! For me, it is about her dh, after being married for a number of years, not realizing/knowing her enough to know that she doesn't have pierced ears! That would hurt...just as much as no gift/no "Happy Mother's Day"/no mention at all. Does anyone get that? As a pp said, it's more about being "known". She isn't bashing her dh, she is venting. She was hurt. It is understandable. Jane, :grouphug: to you my friend. I love you. I'm sorry this thread, as many others, has gotten out of hand and you were attacked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyCrazyMama Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Because I'd like to know the husbands feelings in all this. I hate seeing husband bashing. Sheesh! I am sorry, but the OP comes across as a whiney, complaining spoiled brat. So what if her husband was shopping out late the day before. At least he WENT. and when does the husband expected to get the wife a mother's day gift? Isn't that up to the children? She is not his mother. Try being a little more grateful. You don't wear earings? Trade them in for a ring, or a necklace or sell them on ebay, but to bash your husband because you didn't like the gift? Totally ungrateful I thought I read that she didn't want (or care if) her DH to got her a gift and wished her children had a chance to pick something out.:confused: OP :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellesmere Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Of course, there is ALWAYS more to the story, as we are all complex people in complex relationships. OP just wanted sympathy and support and if you could give neither, then you don't need to comment. We all need a comfy place to fall sometimes without judgement.Lisa :iagree: Not judging doesn't mean you have to completely agree with someone. You can be offer support even if you disgree. Yikes. The OP shared how she felt about getting a gift she can't use. It is okay for someone to say "That hurt my feelings" without being called an ungrateful husband-basher. It's not like she called her dh names or said anything negative about *him* as a person. Instead, she vented here so she could move on with her day and enjoy her family, including her dh. No need to kick someone while they're down. Cat :iagree: Okay then, if she is abused or their marriage is on the rocks, go talk to a counselor not a public forum and bash your husband when people don't really know what is going on behind closed doors. Well, that doesn't seem to be the case in the OP. I have no idea. All I was saying is before you call someone ungrateful about diamonds, maybe take some time to think it through. I never said this was a good forum for airing that kind of stuff, either. Actually, Jane comes off smelling like a rose in comparison with your harsh and judgemental posts. ::shrug:: Yep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I should add that when DH is in a quiet mood or has nothing nice to say to me :lol: it is hurtful. I can imagine if the OP's love language is gifts how this could hurt. Or how if you can't get a hug if that's your LL. I have gotten pretty mad about him not being appreciative towards his dinner. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyCrazyMama Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 It's not about the expense of the gift. It isn't even about getting a gift or not getting a gift. He got here pierced earrings and she DOESN'T HAVE PIERCED EARS! For me, it is about her dh, after being married for a number of years, not realizing/knowing her enough to know that she doesn't have pierced ears! That would hurt...just as much as no gift/no "Happy Mother's Day"/no mention at all. Does anyone get that? As a pp said, it's more about being "known". She isn't bashing her dh, she is venting. She was hurt. It is understandable. Jane, :grouphug: to you my friend. I love you. I'm sorry this thread, as many others, has gotten out of hand and you were attacked. :iagree: AND I do get it. It's the thoughtlessness that hurts. :grouphug: Yes, I think it's thoughtless to go againest her expressed wishes and on top of that get her something she would never want or use.:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmasmommy Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) Seriously. My ears are not pierced. If DH went out and spent a ton of money on earrings for me I would be insulted. Obviously he didn't even know me well enough or pay attention to me enough to know that my ears aren't pierced. I would be extremely hurt by the gift and completely understand the OP's feelings. We're not talking about a boyfriend this is her husband. Although based on some of the other posts I should just be grateful that he thought of me at all. :glare: As for the people saying DH's shouldn't buy gifts for their wives. I understand that I am not his mother but I feel that as the mother of his children I deserve I little recognition and on Father's Day I return the favor. Without this man I would not have my children, that deserves some special treatment in my book. Edited May 9, 2011 by mmasmommy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I think it's safe to say you've made your feelings known. Is there a particular reason you see the need to pile on? Jane, you have every right to feel hurt and disappointed. You're under no obligation to feel gratitude just because a man has deigned to buy you something. Sheesh. I hope that you've managed turn your day around, and please know that some of us don't think it's your duty to feign delight, or anything for that matter. :iagree: on both counts. I thought the nipple ring analogy was appropriate. Diamond earrings are a nice gift for some women, and I might like them, but I wouldn't run out and get my nipples pierced just because someone gave me a nipple ring. And I would be bummed that my husband made very little effort to do something that was personally meaningful to me. That doesn't make me ungrateful, it means I desire a spouse who is thoughtful on special occasions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 As for the people saying DH's shouldn't buy gifts for their wives. I understand that I am not his mother but I feel that as the mother of his children I deserve I little recognition and on Father's Day I return the favor. Without this man I would not have my children, that deserves some special treatment in my book. I don't get that part, either. It's become clear to me over the years that different families have different ideas on how to honor the "mom", but I've never understood expecting all other families to share their particular perspective on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I understand and wish I could say something profound. How about this, I get it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 (((Jane))) I'm sorry. From someone whose love language is gifts, I get it. Since you don't wear earrings and don't have pierced ears is was not an appropriate gift. It's hard to explain if your love language isn't gifts. It can come across as spoiled (which I know Jane isn't). When your love language is gifts it's really all about the thought. When you receive something (regardless of how expensive or inexpensive) you hope the person had YOU in mind when selecting the gift. My dh giving me something small but needed makes my day. He saved and bought me a netbook for Christmas. He specifically picked red because I like red electronics. That meant as much to me as the netbook itself. For mother's day today? We got into an argument and I'm sick, that was all I got. I know Jane, we've talked multiple times off board. Her plate is full, her kids are little. My gut reaction to her post was well at least you got a gift. :glare: But knowing Jane I understand why she was hurt. Tone is hard to read over the internet, but I've known her long enough to know she isn't being ungrateful. She'd just like her dh to know her a little better, that's something I hope all of us married women can understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koerarmoca Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Well considering I just scoured the house for loose change to buy milk I would be trilled for some diamond earrings to be my biggest problem with today :001_huh: However, I do get that buying a thoughtless gift can hurt :grouphug:. I hope he understands that you will have to return them for something you can use. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I understand and wish I could say something profound. How about this, I get it. :grouphug: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 (((Jane))) My love language is gifts......IF and WHEN I know what I want AND there is $$$$ for it. My love language is also words of affirmation (maybe even more than gifts) b/c usually I just want to know that I 'could' have the gift, but I don't really want to spend the $$$ on it. I understand the disappointment -- I hope things look up for you and the week improves. For a long, long time, Mothers Day was my LEAST favorite day of the year -- it's better now. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherMayI Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I used to think that my mom was selfish. I suppose she hid her frustration with my dad's thoughtless gifts when I was younger, but as I got older I noticed that she was visibly upset by his last minute shopping and the gifts that meant absolutely nothing to her. One Christmas he bought her a diamond ring. I expected her to be thrilled. Well she wasn't- and I felt sorry for my dad as she gave him the cold shoulder. Later I found out that she had pointed out a ring that she loved. She told him she wanted that particular ring. He bought a ring that he liked better:confused:. It wasn't the ring, but his utter disregard for her needs/wants. The gift was really all about him. These days she buys her own gifts and puts his name on it. She is never disappointed and they can avoid conflict. I think some men just do not get it. My dad is very clear on the things that he wants, but pretty thoughtless when it comes to others. Doesn't mean they don't love each other. :grouphug: Jane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 As someone who struggles in the extreme with gift giving, this is my worst nightmare. I often spend hours thinking about what to give someone special for their birthday/Christmas/other special occasion, and end up getting nothing, because I can always think of a reason why they would hate it. I am so sad that my worst giftgiving nightmares are all too real. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I had an older woman at church tell me how important it is to be thankful for the clueless presents husbands give us. I'm trying. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeschoolingMy4 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Oh, Jane... I understand EXACTLY how you feel!! This is totally something my dh would do. It's well meaning, kind, loving, and caring.. but not a good gift for you. My husband just threw me a surprise birthday party after I told him FLAT OUT 3 months ago and again 1 mo ago that I did NOT want a surprise party! Beautiful, stunning, white gold with diamonds in the middle. They're really quite nice. Thing is, I don't wear earrings. :glare: I haven't worn a single pair in 10 years. :crying: I'm starting to wonder if they were for his girlfriend and he got the boxes mixed up :001_huh: or if he was really *that* desperate with the last minute shopping. :001_huh: I feel like I've just been slapped in the face. :crying: I hate Mother's Day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Jane, I am so sorry. I would have been hurt too. It reminds me of the Christmas I got a new grill for the camper. :confused: I am not good at hiding my feelings and my dh has been careful to listen to me since. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in WI Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 It can come across as spoiled (which I know Jane isn't) ...I know Jane, we've talked multiple times off board. Her plate is full, her kids are little. My gut reaction to her post was well at least you got a gift. :glare: But knowing Jane I understand why she was hurt. Tone is hard to read over the internet, but I've known her long enough to know she isn't being ungrateful. She'd just like her dh to know her a little better, that's something I hope all of us married women can understand. Thank you for posting this. We're going through such rough financial times right now, I could only dream about getting any gift much less diamond earrings. I think my post might have been too harsh. I'm sorry, Jane. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 As someone who struggles in the extreme with gift giving, this is my worst nightmare. I often spend hours thinking about what to give someone special for their birthday/Christmas/other special occasion, and end up getting nothing, because I can always think of a reason why they would hate it. I am so sad that my worst giftgiving nightmares are all too real. So, you would agonize and end up deciding to buy an expensive pair of diamond studs for someone who doesn't even have pierced ears? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 :grouphug: I'm sorry you were hurt. I agree that this is about being "known" in your marriage. The gift I loved most that my dh got me was a used Erma Bombeck book. It cost under $10, but it was thoughtful. I love Erma Bombeck. Her books got me through some rough times many years back. My husband has been known to overspend on things that don't mean anything to me, as well, and it always hurts.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) So, you would agonize and end up deciding to buy an expensive pair of diamond studs for someone who doesn't even have pierced ears? :confused: Actually, I would agonize and end up doing nothing. That is, probably, worse than doing the inappropriate. ETA Can you clue me in? Which is worse: doing the wrong thing, or doing nothing. My life would be better if I knew the answer to this question. Edited May 9, 2011 by Lawana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 As someone who struggles in the extreme with gift giving, this is my worst nightmare. I often spend hours thinking about what to give someone special for their birthday/Christmas/other special occasion, and end up getting nothing, because I can always think of a reason why they would hate it. I am so sad that my worst giftgiving nightmares are all too real. This is me exactly, and so I could have sort of seen this from the husband's perspective if his wife had pierced ears. But in this case, not sure what to make of it. Surely he knows your ears are not pierced? Or has he never noticed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Actually, I would agonize and end up doing nothing. That is, probably, worse than doing the inappropriate.ETA Can you clue me in? Which is worse: doing the wrong thing, or doing nothing. My life would be better if I knew the answer to this question. I would say ask for a specific item or recommendation ("I'm not good at picking out presents, but really want to do something nice for you. Would you like a gift card or is there something you've been wanting but haven't gotten yourself?"), and then get that. Slightly awkward gift giving is better than both of the above options :D. That said, a gift given that is thought through and given with love covers most things. The OP isn't upset that the gift is wrong, she's upset because it was thoughtlessly given. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I would say ask for a specific item or recommendation ("I'm not good at picking out presents, but really want to do something nice for you. Would you like a gift card or is there something you've been wanting but haven't gotten yourself?"), and then get that. Slightly awkward gift giving is better than both of the above options :D. That said, a gift given that is thought through and given with love covers most things. The OP isn't upset that the gift is wrong, she's upset because it was thoughtlessly given. And if the answer is "nothing, I don't need/want anything," then is this to be taken at face value? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 And if the answer is "nothing, I don't need/want anything," then is this to be taken at face value? In those cases I try to buy something consumable. Depending on that person it could be some nice gourmet food in a basket. Maybe some lotions and body sprays. I avoid perfumes unless I know exactly what scent someone likes. Food will always get eaten and lotions will eventually get used. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 And if the answer is "nothing, I don't need/want anything," then is this to be taken at face value? Yes. I'm not a person who enjoys receiving gifts. I reeeaaaalllly mean it when I say I don't want anything. Please, don't have guilt. :001_smile: I know I'm not the only person that feels this way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 And if the answer is "nothing, I don't need/want anything," then is this to be taken at face value? I would after saying "Okay, but I need you to know that unless you tell me something specific, all I will be getting you is a hug and a nice verbal greeting. This is your last chance to tell me that you'd rather have a gift card to Starbucks than a hug :D". If they still refuse, then take it at face value and when the date arrives, give them a hug (or handshake, whatever) and wish them a Happy Birthday/Mother's Day/Christmas and don't worry any more about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) And if the answer is "nothing, I don't need/want anything," then is this to be taken at face value?. That's when I just get something fun that I think they will like. Sometimes, something totally random. Like a rubix cube or some weird flavored jelly beans.....or whatever. It just depends on the friend and what they could possibly be interested in and what might make them laugh. A tea assortment for the tea lover, but coffee beans for the coffee lover......and KNOWING the difference is what's important....not the gift. I think that any gift, that had any thought at all put into it, can't really go wrong. Something that says you noticed them. A sports calendar for a football fan is memorable. A sports calendar for a computer geek who thinks sports are a waste of time is meaningless, but a Dilbert calendar might fit. Noticing the difference is what makes it a thoughtful gift or not. After that, you can't beat yourself up worrying that maybe they don't really need a calendar. Edited May 9, 2011 by snickelfritz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 In those cases I try to buy something consumable. Depending on that person it could be some nice gourmet food in a basket. Maybe some lotions and body sprays. I avoid perfumes unless I know exactly what scent someone likes. Food will always get eaten and lotions will eventually get used. I was the recipient of a gift basket that included Dom Perignon (sp) champaign. We kept the two older daughters for a family that had just given birth to a third, unexpected child. Didn't expect anything in return. But it became clear, over time, that they expected some kind of response to the extravagant gift. I wish it were much simpler. I give when and if I am able and don't expect anything in return. While I appreciate the acknowledgment, and in fact, wish for it, know enough now to not expect it, I must always remember Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 :grouphug: I get what you're saying. I don't have pierced ears (haven't since I was about 19) and I would be insulted and upset if dh bought me earrings. My dh knows I don't like jewelry or any other big ticket items. I like to get flowers - it makes me happy to wake up and see a vase or two filled with blooms. Dh always ask what I would like and I let him know. If he didn't listen it would hurt.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in VA Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 It's not about the expense of the gift. It isn't even about getting a gift or not getting a gift. He got here pierced earrings and she DOESN'T HAVE PIERCED EARS! For me, it is about her dh, after being married for a number of years, not realizing/knowing her enough to know that she doesn't have pierced ears! That would hurt...just as much as no gift/no "Happy Mother's Day"/no mention at all. Does anyone get that? As a pp said, it's more about being "known". She isn't bashing her dh, she is venting. She was hurt. It is understandable. Jane, :grouphug: to you my friend. I love you. I'm sorry this thread, as many others, has gotten out of hand and you were attacked. :iagree::iagree: And Jane... I completely get it. Unfortunately this has happened to me more than once. I've been married nearly 19 years and it really is very painful when you realize that they don't take the time to think about who you are when doing something for you - whether it's an expensive gift or something else. There are times to chalk it up to 'he's a guy' and there are times it's painful. I am a firm believe in 'its the thought that counts' and regardless of the beauty or price of a gift, when it's clearly not something purchased with the receiver in mind... it's not good. And when that person is your husband, it's very painful. I didn't get anything for Mother's Day. My husband's words are always 'you aren't my mother'. And that hurts. But it hurts too when the gift feels out of obligation rather than a thought of something you'd love. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Heather Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I was the recipient of a gift basket that included Dom Perignon (sp) champaign. We kept the two older daughters for a family that had just given birth to a third, unexpected child. Didn't expect anything in return. But it became clear, over time, that they expected some kind of response to the extravagant gift. I wish it were much simpler. I give when and if I am able and don't expect anything in return. While I appreciate the acknowledgment, and in fact, wish for it, know enough now to not expect it, I must always remember Did they expect more than a thank you card or a verbal acknowledgement? I think a thank you is appropriate, and not at all difficult to say, but if they wanted more then the gift was more about them than you. If someone tells you they don't want a gift, I would respect that and at most send a meaningful note in a card. If you tell someone that you don't want a gift, and they give you one anyway, just say thank you. If you don't know what to buy someone, because it's an acquaintance, then just ask them or get them an Amazon gift card. Same goes if you know someone well, and still aren't sure what they would like. Easy peasy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 It's not about the expense of the gift. It isn't even about getting a gift or not getting a gift. He got here pierced earrings and she DOESN'T HAVE PIERCED EARS! For me, it is about her dh, after being married for a number of years, not realizing/knowing her enough to know that she doesn't have pierced ears! That would hurt...just as much as no gift/no "Happy Mother's Day"/no mention at all. Does anyone get that? As a pp said, it's more about being "known". She isn't bashing her dh, she is venting. She was hurt. It is understandable. Jane, :grouphug: to you my friend. I love you. I'm sorry this thread, as many others, has gotten out of hand and you were attacked. :iagree: with Sue! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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