A Public School Teacher Confronted Me

[Mama Butterfly]

op-"She glared at me and said, "It's just a lot of work for you. I don't know why you would want to do that. You are better than me." "

 

The appropriate response; "Yeah, I guess I am." :tongue_smilie:

[TXMary2]

I get that; I guess I just took it more as, "oh, I couldn't take on all that extra work at home; I could never homeschool my kids," the kind of thing I hear a lot at ball games from parents of public schooled kids. I hear this a lot because I don't live in an area with a lot of homeschoolers, so the fact that we homeschool is often met with that kind of comment.

 

astrid

 

That's how I took it, that she couldn't homeschool her kids, but I found it funny that she would say that given she teaches a room full of OPK's every day. I'd much rather teach my own, at home, in my pj's!

[jujsky]

Bring the book! Seriously!

[WTMCassandra]

I think your answer was fabulous. I would have been too gobsmacked to say anything coherent. I would not change a single thing about your behavior at games--keep doing what you would ordinarily do. Yay for you!

[lionfamily1999]

I get that; I guess I just took it more as, "oh, I couldn't take on all that extra work at home; I could never homeschool my kids," the kind of thing I hear a lot at ball games from parents of public schooled kids. I hear this a lot because I don't live in an area with a lot of homeschoolers, so the fact that we homeschool is often met with that kind of comment.

 

astrid

My youngest is the only one doing sports, this is his first year of t-ball. So far.... we're incognito :coolgleamA:, but yesterday one of the big brothers noticed dd. He wanted to know where she moved here from and when she's going to be starting school :lol: Dd said she's too hard core for the local school system. I think the boy may be in love.

[Margo out of lurking]

Her brazenness and comments upon approaching you are a very poor reflection on her, both as a mother of a teammate and as a teacher. She's created this tension. It must have been uncomfortable for everyone within earshot, thinking that this is the woman representing public schools to you. Can you imagine if you were another parent, whose child is in her class? Please don't let her ugliness change how you spend your time at the game. You are not doing anything rude, hurtful, or inconsiderate, and perhaps your gracefulness about the whole situation will serve as an encouragement to another family who may be considering homeschooling.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[EJCMom]

Whenever I get those comments I just say, "Yeah. Homeschooling's not for everyone," and then turn my attention to something else. She clearly has issues that have nothing to do with you. Poor thing.

[Jyniffrec]

My youngest is the only one doing sports, this is his first year of t-ball. So far.... we're incognito :coolgleamA:, but yesterday one of the big brothers noticed dd. He wanted to know where she moved here from and when she's going to be starting school :lol: Dd said she's too hard core for the local school system. I think the boy may be in love.

 

:lol: What a great response!

[mommymilkies]

I'm sorry, OP. That was really rude of her! My SIL is the same way. She's a sub and always rattles on about how horrible the schools and teachers are where she works. But then she goes out of her way to tell us homeschoolers are horrible and she's 100% against homeschooling. I just don't get it.

[KnitWit]

I love the "you are interrupting my parent/teacher conference" comment! :lol:

[HomeschoolingMy4]

Some people are just so rude and just don't GET IT!! Why would you WANT to spend all your time deciding about what to teach your kids? BECAUSE YOU CARE!!! Occasionally, I know that I've been around people who would wonder that about a stay at home mom- WHY would you want to spend all your time w/your kid? Because I love them and like being around 'em!

[eternalknot]

I had a similar run-in a few years ago, made worse by the fact that one of my dear friends (a teacher married to an elementary school principal) was right there in the bleachers near me. My friend has always been wonderfully supportive, her husband is understanding but thinks people like me keep the system broken. He doesn't give me grief, though we're able to have very thought-provoking philosophical discussions that (I think) benefit us both. Both of them defended me to this other crazy mother.

 

It was tense for the next few practices and games, but I wasn't threatened by this lady so it was more her being embarassed about her outburts. I bet she had planned it one way, but it spew out of her mouth in a very different way in the actual moment LOL. She eventually got over the awkwardness, and we're okay with each other now (three years later, same team). Even better, over the past three years a handful of parents have commented on my son's good disposition, leadership on the team, and overall favorable "socialization" -- his teammates really look up to him, and he's a great athlete and team player. The parents love him, too. I've even had three parents approach me to inquire about homeschooling; one family is taking the plunge next year, and the others have used homeschool materials to afterschool their kids. Meanwhile, this parent has attacked other parents for various other "infringements" against society and has made a name for herself. I needed not stoop to her level, she digs herself further down on her own talents ;)

 

In time, I bet the same holds true for you. She showed her colors, you've nothing to prove or to lose LOL.

[lionfamily1999]

:lol: What a great response!

She's still bridling about joining a debate club. I keep telling her, with her crazy hair (black underneath and whatever color for the week on top or blond) and her 'fresh meat' appeal she's going to be the coolest kid there. After yesterday, she's starting to believe me. My sweet little wall flower is figuring out that everyone else has the same issues as she does.

[Night Elf]

Just a note that the zingers from people with phenomenal scores to share are great if your kids have them, but not every wonderful homeschooling parent will get those results because our kids have varying skills, learning levels and abilities.

 

:blushing: Yeah, my self-esteem plummeted when I read that. When I pulled my dd18 out of public high school, her dad and stepmom told me I would ruin her life. This is the same dd that has not, and may never, officially graduate. She has no interest in going to college. She's enjoying working full time. She gets compliments all the time about what a mature teenager she is and she is one of the most responsible people I've know regardless of age. But people get hung up on the one fact that she may not have an actual diploma to exhibit. I'll admit I feel quite guilty about it, like maybe I should have insisted she stay in public school since she only had 2 more years to go. But I am really proud of her. It's just that one spot that is quite sore. :(

 

We are not the poster homeschool family. My answer would have been meek and weak.

[lionfamily1999]

:blushing: Yeah, my self-esteem plummeted when I read that. When I pulled my dd18 out of public high school, her dad and stepmom told me I would ruin her life. This is the same dd that has not, and may never, officially graduate. She has no interest in going to college. She's enjoying working full time. She gets compliments all the time about what a mature teenager she is and she is one of the most responsible people I've know regardless of age. But people get hung up on the one fact that she may not have an actual diploma to exhibit. I'll admit I feel quite guilty about it, like maybe I should have insisted she stay in public school since she only had 2 more years to go. But I am really proud of her. It's just that one spot that is quite sore. :(

 

We are not the poster homeschool family. My answer would have been meek and weak.

Shah! You could still look her dead in the eye and say "You, you are the reason we homeschool."

 

:grouphug:

 

Test scores can be fun to throw around, but it's like money :shrug: If you don't got it, find some other way to take comfort :D (That's meant to be kind and supportive).

[BigMamaBird]

Last night at my 7 yo ds's baseball game I was "confronted" by a public school teacher. She happens to be one of the moms from the team.

 

I usually bring something to read during the time leading up to the game or during practices. When the game starts, I put it away. So, as usual I was perusing something (the RSO download I printed out) and I was taking a highlighter to it.

 

This mom is kind of obnoxious. Basically, you can't miss her. She rather loudly and with disgust in her voice and on her face asked me, "Are you always studying?" Before I could get my answer out she said, "It's because you homeschool right? Can I just ask WHY you would do that?"

 

Wow. She said it right there in the bleachers and suddenly all eyes were on us. I paused and didn't answer right away because I didn't want to lower myself to her level. I think I said, "Because I don't really care for the public education system. It's nothing against teachers, I just think the system is broken. I am the parent and I decide what my children will be taught."

 

She glared at me and said, "It's just a lot of work for you. I don't know why you would want to do that. You are better than me." And then she rolled her eyes and turned away. Really? I have two kids I am teaching. She is a 5th grade teacher with what - 20-25 students? Am I supposed to believe she is really concerned about how much work it is for me? If she were honest, like her tone suggested, she would have just said she doesn't think parents are qualified to teach.

 

I thought of so many things I could have said afterward, but they were all snarky. This was only the first game and now there is tension with this person. I couldn't believe how rude she was. My friend, whose son is also on the team, wasn't there. She homeschools too - so I feel like if she were there with me this teacher wouldn't have said anything because it would have been two to one.

 

I shouldn't care, but now I feel self conscious about bringing stuff to read or work on before the game. Then the fighter in me feels like bringing my copy of "The Harsh Truth About Public Schools." LOL

 

Hm. If I were a betting woman, I'd say that's your "anonymous" nasty blog poster.

[....]

EXACTLY! My son got a 2220 on the SAT and an 800 on the Math 2 SAT2. He also got accepted into UCLA a couple of weeks ago.

 

Too bad I crippled him by homeschooling.;)

 

I hope our homeschooling is that crippling! Someone's gettin' into MIT, I know it! :D:D:D

 

 

 

Edited to say: TxMary, you are having a rough week...

[Joyofsixreboot]

I wish I were a better person, but....I'd have snarked. Several comments come to mind.

[Pink Fairy]

Hm. If I were a betting woman, I'd say that's your "anonymous" nasty blog poster.

 

Oh my goodness--I bet you're right! No way to tell for sure though.

[JennyD]

Oh my. I can see how you would have been just a tad taken aback.

 

Personally, my favorite way to deal with rude remarks is to just pretend that the person actually said something totally different (and socially acceptable) and respond accordingly. For example, we are an interracial couple and over the years people have occasionally asked inappropriate questions. I just pretend that they have asked, say, if I want a sandwich and reply cheerfully, "Oh no thanks, I'm fine!"

 

In this case, I would probably have responded along the lines of "Oh, thanks! Yes, we're totally having a great time."

 

Freaks people out, I tell you.

[snipsnsnailsx5]

Yikes!

 

I have a few friends who are public school teachers or substitute PS teachers. I'm always worried they'll say something to me about it.

 

However, they have always been nice thankfully, even commending me. One even said she'd consider homeschooling her kids.

 

Sorry you had to deal with such an obnoxious person!

[TXMary2]

Hm. If I were a betting woman, I'd say that's your "anonymous" nasty blog poster.

 

I am 99.9% certain that she is not.

 

I actually just deleted the blog post. No reason to give her further attention and I don't need it as a "most popular" post on my side bar! LOL The moderator deleted my other thread, so I will assume God is telling me to shut up.

 

The lady from last night doesn't have a clue I have a blog and she wouldn't give a rip about the "homeschool conference wars."

Edited March 29, 2011 by TXMary2

[Night Elf]

Shah! You could still look her dead in the eye and say "You, you are the reason we homeschool."

 

:tongue_smilie: That would be too funny.

[Guest cp@mmrm]

I would be tempted to bring that book. She must have some bitterness. i would make it a point of looking her in the eye and giving her a smile, but not engage her in conversation.

[Marylou]

"No, no, you are better than I." ;)

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

BTDT too. I had an AP English teacher take me to task when a relative mentioned that I homeschooled. She ranted about how I was going to *cripple* my children when it came time to take the SAT/ACT and then they will have issues with college English.

 

I just listened until she was done and let everyone give her the big *hurrah* and then I told her that she need not worry. My eldest earned a 32 on the ACT, was a National Merit Finalist and earned perfect scores in English on both tests which put her in Advanced Freshman English in college, WHICH she completed LAST semester with a perfect A.

 

Then, I put another bite of food in my mouth.

 

**rolling my eyes**

 

One of those moments I would have loved to be a part of first hand. Priceless.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I probably would have started with, "Well, the correct sentence would be, 'You are better than I am', not than me. These are the kinds of errors we find trained school teachers teaching our children, and we just simply cannot allow that." :lol::lol::lol:

Dawn

 

:smilielol5: Love it!

[CAMom]

I hope our homeschooling is that crippling! Someone's gettin' into MIT, I know it! :D:D:D

 

 

 

Edited to say: TxMary, you are having a rough week...

 

ACK...I got quoted before I deleted.;)

 

I'm really sorry that I posted and made some people feel bad. I hope you all will forgive me.:leaving:

[tex-mex]

I would have paid good money to watch this go down :lol:

:iagree:

[Audrey]

Tsk. Tsk. Not NEARLY enough snark back on your part. I would have used it as an opportunity to publicly humiliate her for her offrontery. How dare she attempt to call you out like that?

 

Really. You should have ripped her a new one. I have done it once or twice and trust me, it shuts the little snotters up fast and for a long time.

[jlmom]

My dh is a public school teacher and that's a big part of why we homeschool--we know too much. My ds's preschool teacher once looked at my daughter and said very rudely "you homeschool your daughter???" This is as my dd is explaining to another teacher the significance of the pyramids in Egypt and why the Nile was important to life in Ancient Egypt. What other 6 year old knows that (Except for those of you on these boards, of course!) I usually respond with "because it's what works for us and that's what's most important". Then I go home and complain to dh while consuming large amounts of wine :)

[TXMary2]

Tsk. Tsk. Not NEARLY enough snark back on your part. I would have used it as an opportunity to publicly humiliate her for her offrontery. How dare she attempt to call you out like that?

 

Really. You should have ripped her a new one. I have done it once or twice and trust me, it shuts the little snotters up fast and for a long time.

 

Ha. Apparetly, I cause enough trouble online, the last thing I need is to be in trouble in my small town for blasing a teacher.:tongue_smilie: I think I have decided to just stay away from controversial topics and conversations. Which means, I am going to need a hobby to keep me busy - and a lot of chocolate.

[jenL]

Don't let her rudeness stop you from using your time wisely. Bring all the books you want and highlight away! If she is snide again, put on your most angelic face and tell her that you love learning and the work isn't a burden to you at all, in fact, you find it fun.

 

Rest assured, unhappy people or those who have self-doubt often act contemptuous toward those who demonstrate the qualities they most wish they possessed. Feel sorry for her. Who would want to live a life filled with ugly feelings?

 

 

:iagree: Very well said!!!

[Homemama2]

but what you did say was perfect, and made you certainly look more mature than her :)

 

:iagree: My thoughts exactly! (And probably half the people watching her ''display'' felt the same way!)

[unsinkable]

I had a similar run-in a few years ago, made worse by the fact that one of my dear friends (a teacher married to an elementary school principal) was right there in the bleachers near me. My friend has always been wonderfully supportive, her husband is understanding but thinks people like me keep the system broken. He doesn't give me grief, though we're able to have very thought-provoking philosophical discussions that (I think) benefit us both. Both of them defended me to this other crazy mother.

 

It was tense for the next few practices and games, but I wasn't threatened by this lady so it was more her being embarassed about her outburts. I bet she had planned it one way, but it spew out of her mouth in a very different way in the actual moment LOL. She eventually got over the awkwardness, and we're okay with each other now (three years later, same team). Even better, over the past three years a handful of parents have commented on my son's good disposition, leadership on the team, and overall favorable "socialization" -- his teammates really look up to him, and he's a great athlete and team player. The parents love him, too. I've even had three parents approach me to inquire about homeschooling; one family is taking the plunge next year, and the others have used homeschool materials to afterschool their kids. Meanwhile, this parent has attacked other parents for various other "infringements" against society and has made a name for herself. I needed not stoop to her level, she digs herself further down on her own talents ;)

 

In time, I bet the same holds true for you. She showed her colors, you've nothing to prove or to lose LOL.

 

What does the part I bolded mean? People like you keep the system broken? :confused:

[3lilreds in NC]

I think it means that by keeping children out of the public schools, rather than putting them in there and working to make changes to "fix" the system, we are "part of the problem."

[TXMary2]

What does the part I bolded mean? People like you keep the system broken? :confused:

 

I can't speak for her, but I have heard this said before and I think basically it means that because we homeschoolers pull our kids out of school, we rob the schools of "good students." I have been accused of that before, as if I should be ashamed for not sacrificing my kid's education for the greater good.

[elizabeth]

Don't let her rudeness stop you from using your time wisely. Bring all the books you want and highlight away! If she is snide again, put on your most angelic face and tell her that you love learning and the work isn't a burden to you at all, in fact, you find it fun.

 

Rest assured, unhappy people or those who have self-doubt often act contemptuous toward those who demonstrate the qualities they most wish they possessed. Feel sorry for her. Who would want to live a life filled with ugly feelings?

 

Exactly. This is a wise post.

[kalanamak]

IME, if you reply "why do you ask", they usually spend all the time talking, and never soil your heartfelt feelings with their muddy boots. If I get a short answer such as "I really want to know", I usually give a very pleasant smile and say "how unusual", and move into pass the bean dip. In this particular situation I might be coy and say "take a guess".

 

I wouldn't reward her with an answer. She won't hear it anyway.

[Impish]

"Flying monkeys." this, followed by humming under your breath stops the conversation rapidly.

 

:D

[Barb_]

Just a note that the zingers from people with phenomenal scores to share are great if your kids have them, but not every wonderful homeschooling parent will get those results because our kids have varying skills, learning levels and abilities.

 

It's okay for people to share here. No one is saying that homeschooling will magically produce excellent test scores, but that it can produce excellent test scores...in fact is more likely to produce excellent results in a student who may have withered on the vine in a b&m school. Like if someone sneers at you and says, "Oh, your son majored in Art History? How interesting. Too bad he's doomed to eating trash for the rest of his life." And it just so happens that he sold a painting last week for a half a million dollars. Those kinds of situations are so cosmically satisfying :D

[6packofun]

I think I probably would have been sucked in by her typical "Oh, I could NEVER do that!" comment and laughed and said, "But you teach 25 kids at a time! I could never do that--to myself OR them."

[Jean in Newcastle]

It's okay for people to share here. No one is saying that homeschooling will magically produce excellent test scores, but that it can produce excellent test scores...in fact is more likely to produce excellent results in a student who may have withered on the vine in a b&m school. Like if someone sneers at you and says, "Oh, your son majored in Art History? How interesting. Too bad he's doomed to eating trash for the rest of his life." And it just so happens that he sold a painting last week for a half a million dollars. Those kinds of situations are so cosmically satisfying :D

 

Which just might be why I said "is great to share if your kids have them" . . .

[gardening momma]

op-"She glared at me and said, "It's just a lot of work for you. I don't know why you would want to do that. You are better than me." "

 

The appropriate response; "Yeah, I guess I am." :tongue_smilie:

The Han Solo reply is better: "I know." :lol:

[Barb_]

Which just might be why I said "is great to share if your kids have them" . . .

 

I don't understand. Were you offended that people were sharing their students' accomplishments? Why did you say that?

[happyWImom]

Oh - another simple one is "Thanks for letting me know."

 

A friend used to say this to her kids and I started doing it with mine when they want to tell you something (often over and over and over) and it's the kind of thing that doesn't really warrant a response other than "Okay" but the child isn't content with just "okay."

 

My younger son is slowly turning into Cliff Clavin - reading loads of non-fiction and then reciting the facts to us. "Thanks for letting me know" is a wonderful response (and kinder than "Dear child, I completely do not care what the top speed of the Murcialago is. Honest.")

 

I love this!! I am definitely going to use it. It's great for the dc, like you said (I have a budding Cliff, also) but it's also a comment that most people couldn't really argue with, and it would just shut them down.

[anissarobert]

I'm kind of surprised at her "I could never do it" even though SHE herself is a teacher. You're teaching two students, and she's obviously teaching a lot more. Is she saying she could only ever do all that work if she was being paid?

 

FWIW, I would have been sugary sweet also. No need to confront someone who's obviously not going to back down. You did the right thing. I just wouldn't let it change how you behave with "studying" and reading :001_smile:

 

Although, like you, I might be tempted to read Dumbing Us Down next practice.

 

That's funny. My first thought was that I would bring Gatto next time!:D

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't understand. Were you offended that people were sharing their students' accomplishments? Why did you say that?

 

I said it because I've seen many parents of kids with special needs or with learning difficulties be disheartened when it is automatically assumed that all homeschooling kids are gifted. If your child is gifted and/or gets awards that is truly wonderful and fine to share even if the intent is to take someone like that down a peg or two. But if you couldn't share in that way, it's not like you've failed in homeschooling. Look at NightElf's post to see how some people feel when that becomes the predominant response to those sorts of questions.

 

In the interest of full disclosure, I have one highly gifted child and one who has learning difficulties. I've been on both end of the spectrum. I'm the same homeschooling mom/teacher to both.

[Barb_]

I said it because I've seen many parents of kids with special needs or with learning difficulties be disheartened when it is automatically assumed that all homeschooling kids are gifted. If your child is gifted and/or gets awards that is truly wonderful and fine to share even if the intent is to take someone like that down a peg or two. But if you couldn't share in that way, it's not like you've failed in homeschooling. Look at NightElf's post to see how some people feel when that becomes the predominant response to those sorts of questions.

 

I understand your point, but your timing seemed like a rebuke to those who were sharing accomplishments. CAMom felt so badly she deleted her post. Many of us have been on here a long, long time. You included. We shouldn't make others feel badly when they celebrate a success. One person's accomplishment doesn't mean another's failure, KWIM?

 

Barb

[Barb_]

I said it because I've seen many parents of kids with special needs or with learning difficulties be disheartened when it is automatically assumed that all homeschooling kids are gifted.

 

I forgot to respond to this part. It would be different if the OP would have said, "I do it because I'm raising genius kids who blow away all the standardized tests." But that isn't what happened. It was another poster who responded to a direct insult regarding an area in which the child had already excelled. It was a totally appropriate response.

 

Barb