What grade do you tell people?

[2smartones]

Just curious if level of acceleration changes the responses. See poll.

 

... and a spin-off question, how would your children answer this poll? The kids that are around my kids are always very curious about ages and grades (as if it's some sort of contest :rolleyes:). I have to encourage, especially the oldest, to be honest. Not volunteering information unprompted is fine, but when asked directly, I don't want him to lie. For example, he's the youngest in his class at church, but he's ahead of everyone, so that puts him 3-6 years ahead of his class peers. He's shy, so he tends to walk away when people start asking each other about levels. (The younger one isn't shy about anything.)

Edited March 14, 2011 by 2smartones

[Spetzi]

You and I disagree about this so please know I'm not being argumentative, just posting the other side as an adult leader. :D

 

I teach children in Sunday School, in co-ops. I'm an Odyssey of the Mind coach, Girl Scout Leader and soccer coach. In most scenarios, it does not matter how accelerated the child is, he needs to handle the maturity of the class. He might need to sit still, not touch the chemicals, be able to speak to an audience, be able to comprehend spiritual concepts (or listen/talk about difficult topics---certain temptations) be able to present their ideas to each other, critique someone else's ideas or a bunch of other skills that are often related to one's development.

 

My co-op has found that bumping a child up to the higher age group usually results in a poor fit (we are not an academic co-op, but we have art, music, drama, science, recitation, etc.) The upper class is geared to an older (not smarter, not more learned, not quick-thinker) chld.

 

I know sometimes it is a better fit to move a child up. I just wanted to illuminate some of the reasons why it doesn't always work, no matter how 'smart' the child is.

 

Also, I don't consider it lying to state the grade your age mates would be in as your grade. The person asking usually doesn't care at all about academic level, she wants to know what class to place the child in or is just making polite converstation. Sometimes the kids answer their age, which usually gives all the info needed.

 

FTR, I'm not criticizing anyone's choices, just stating my concerns as a teacher. Placing a child in a class is has to do with many things, not just how far they've gotten in the field of academics.

[Donna]

My dd has learned to say, "I homeschool but if I were in school, I'd be in ___ grade." This is not lying, just stating the facts.

[MaMa2005]

After getting excellent advice from the Hive on this very question, we just state the grade that DS would be in with his peers. Anyone who is around him more than five minutes quickly realizes he is very accelerated.

 

 

In most scenarios, it does not matter how accelerated the child is, he needs to handle the maturity of the class.

 

 

I agree. However, an extremely accelerated child will often be able to handle a class that is ahead of his chronological age. Problems can often arise from keeping a child with his peers. The child will often learn to hide his talents and shut down rather than become engaged in activities. It is a fine balancing act to find just the right place for the child who is working 3+ years ahead of his peers.

[catz]

After getting excellent advice from the Hive on this very question, we just state the grade that DS would be in with his peers. Anyone who is around him more than five minutes quickly realizes he is very accelerated.

.

 

This is about how we handle it. If it comes up and people are curious about my kids personally, I'm happy to talk about it. But most people really aren't and anyone really close to us knows where they stand.

 

 

I agree. However, an extremely accelerated child will often be able to handle a class that is ahead of his chronological age. Problems can often arise from keeping a child with his peers. The child will often learn to hide his talents and shut down rather than become engaged in activities. It is a fine balancing act to find just the right place for the child who is working 3+ years ahead of his peers.

This is such a hard thing and it makes me so grateful we can homeschool. I find my oldest in particular prefers gifted age peers the best. He's small for age (10 years/60 lbs) and is somewhat uncomfortable with bigger kids. And even kids 3 years older or more don't necessarily have the same interests and intensity. He's been placed in a few groups now with young teens (12-14) as the youngest. He's not at all in touch with the angst of that age group and it drives him crazy. He's often the only one that participates in those groups! My daughter is a bit more comfortable with older kids because she's tallish for age and has been dealing with kids her brother's age since birth. We'll see for her.

[EKS]

I tell people his grade by age and so does my son.

[Dmmetler]

My DD was grade skipped while in school, so she sees herself as being one grade accelerated-but in actuality, is more like 3-4 grades ahead of her age. However, when I sign her up for activities, I place her by age, because in most cases the 1 year difference in her official acceleration won't make a difference anyway-either the program will interest her enough to keep her involved or it won't.

[patchfire]

We use dd's grade based on her chronological age & the local school birthday cut-offs. She's an August baby, so she's already on the 'young' side for her grade.

 

I agree. However, an extremely accelerated child will often be able to handle a class that is ahead of his chronological age. Problems can often arise from keeping a child with his peers. The child will often learn to hide his talents and shut down rather than become engaged in activities. It is a fine balancing act to find just the right place for the child who is working 3+ years ahead of his peers.

 

As someone else mentioned, it's really difficult to place your child appropriately when the puberty dividing line is between your child and your child's level. Dd is taking a course where she's the youngest by two years, and several others are even older. It's not really even all that challenging for her (we're just using it for enrichment), but she has essentially nothing in common with the others in that class. Of course, we've also never had the problem of dd trying to hide that she could do something. :D

[EKS]

 

Subject accel is meaningless..mostly it means the child is a fast learner, has a good memory and/or has access to resources enabling him to accelerate. Most kids don't have that opportunity. When they ask age or grade, they aren't asking academic advancement status, and it's not socially helpful to a child to miss the true meaning of the question.

 

 

 

:iagree:

[2smartones]

You and I disagree about this so please know I'm not being argumentative, just posting the other side as an adult leader. :D

 

I teach children in Sunday School, in co-ops. I'm an Odyssey of the Mind coach, Girl Scout Leader and soccer coach. In most scenarios, it does not matter how accelerated the child is, he needs to handle the maturity of the class. He might need to sit still, not touch the chemicals, be able to speak to an audience, be able to comprehend spiritual concepts (or listen/talk about difficult topics---certain temptations) be able to present their ideas to each other, critique someone else's ideas or a bunch of other skills that are often related to one's development.

 

My co-op has found that bumping a child up to the higher age group usually results in a poor fit (we are not an academic co-op, but we have art, music, drama, science, recitation, etc.) The upper class is geared to an older (not smarter, not more learned, not quick-thinker) chld.

 

I know sometimes it is a better fit to move a child up. I just wanted to illuminate some of the reasons why it doesn't always work, no matter how 'smart' the child is.

 

Also, I don't consider it lying to state the grade your age mates would be in as your grade. The person asking usually doesn't care at all about academic level, she wants to know what class to place the child in or is just making polite converstation. Sometimes the kids answer their age, which usually gives all the info needed.

 

FTR, I'm not criticizing anyone's choices, just stating my concerns as a teacher. Placing a child in a class is has to do with many things, not just how far they've gotten in the field of academics.

 

I don't find your comments argumentative at all. Actually, the opposite, because I'm in the same position. I used to teach public school, and I still teach in other ways (church, private classes, etc.). I 100% agree that there are times when bumping a child up is the wrong answer. Absolutely! In fact, there have been times when I've held mine back a year because the situation called for age-appropriate motor skills. There have been times when I was extremely thankful we're homeschooling, because holding back would've also been the wrong answer. Boring!

 

When possible (which is most of the time), I place my kids with age-level peers, preferably in a gifted setting, but that setting is very difficult to find. When asked what grade they're in, I state both the age and grade. To me, yes, it really DOES matter to state both. I'm proud of my kids, and I know that academics aren't everything. If they were olympic swimmers or pianists or artists, people would notice that gift and ask me about it. I think all of us here must have had very different experiences. Some never get asked about level, and some only say where their child would be because that's all the person really cares about anyway, but for me, people have always specifically asked what grade they're in BECAUSE they're very noticably ahead, and because they're both large for their age. They usually act a year or two older as well. Even with size and maturity, they're still younger, and people are still able to tell they're younger. The older one has more trouble keeping up with motor skills than the younger one does, so differences are more noticable in him. People who know the older child assume the younger one is also accelerated, and they'll ask me about his level out of genuine curiosity, not in a passive way (like at the playground... "what grade are your kids in? oh, that's nice, mine are, to.").

 

Anyway... yes, I understand where you're coming from, and yes, I agree. :D

Edited March 14, 2011 by 2smartones

[alpidarkomama]

Lots of students, both schooled and homeschooled are learning things that don't "match" their grade level. I think going with my children's grade by age is more modest than flaunting their accomplishments. I'm grateful I've never been around "grade competition." If an 8-year-old is working at a first-grade level, should their parent tell everyone they're in first grade????

[Embassy]

I tell people the grade according to my child's age. Grade has nothing to do with level, IMO. People that know my kids figure it out. I couldn't pinpoint a grade level anyway. I haven't had a problem with group situations because my most advanced child doesn't have advanced emotional maturity.

 

I think it might cause peer difficulties if a child stated a grade level that was commensurate with skill level rather than age level. Not that a child needs to hide anything, but peers or adults could figure out the advancement from just being around the child.

[Jen in PA]

So far I just say we homeschool and don't have to report a grade..... but starting next year, we will be reporting to the district. And while even then it is not a legal requirement to list a grade, there are certain years in which testing is required. At that point I will probably just begin giving people the level the district has on file, which will reflect grade acceleration. At co-op things are done by age ranges and exceptions are made. C-MITES workshops are the only place where grade level has ever even come up for us, and they have DD at a grade level reflecting the grade acceleration. I started DS in their workshops at his age-grade level and was told that the material was too easy for him, so next year I will have his grade level reflect acceleration as well. I answered "other" in the poll because it comes down to this for me: even if the dc went to ps we would have advocated for the acceleration and I used the same measures they would have used to make the decision. If our bricks and mortar ps would not have approved the acceleration, one of the cyber schools would have. So to me, this is dd's grade level, and it's not simply a matter of having gotten through a certain level of textbook -- she has the standardized test scores to back it up.

 

Now DD will tell any child who asks her grade by level, and it actually hasn't caused any problems. Her friends tend to be closer to her grade level anyway. She did haul her math book out to show a nosy neighbor once -- the child didn't believe her..... They are now quite good friends.:D

[Gratia271]

My current approach is to simply state their age and the corresponding grade level. I am fortunate to have found online and class coop opportunities for my children compatible with their ability levels. The difficulty for us has not been with the adults administering the programs but rather the significantly older students, some of whom are intimidated by the presence of younger people in their classes.

[abacus2]

My child is working at grade level and we state the grade that matches the local school's requirements. I would do the same if they start working at an accelerated level. Most people here who ask "What grade are you in?" really mean "How old are you?" Lots of gifted students in public schools are working well ahead of grade level. It is exceptionally rare that a school would agree to actually move them to a higher grade.

[abbeyej]

We split the difference. My kids' stated grade is above their age grade, but within the margin that kids in school are occasionally accelerated. Their work (other than dd's math) tends to be far above that (with ds working ~5 years ahead in several areas).

[KAR120C]

You and I disagree about this so please know I'm not being argumentative, just posting the other side as an adult leader. :D

 

I teach children in Sunday School, in co-ops. I'm an Odyssey of the Mind coach, Girl Scout Leader and soccer coach. In most scenarios, it does not matter how accelerated the child is, he needs to handle the maturity of the class. He might need to sit still, not touch the chemicals, be able to speak to an audience, be able to comprehend spiritual concepts (or listen/talk about difficult topics---certain temptations) be able to present their ideas to each other, critique someone else's ideas or a bunch of other skills that are often related to one's development.

 

My co-op has found that bumping a child up to the higher age group usually results in a poor fit (we are not an academic co-op, but we have art, music, drama, science, recitation, etc.) The upper class is geared to an older (not smarter, not more learned, not quick-thinker) chld.

 

I know sometimes it is a better fit to move a child up. I just wanted to illuminate some of the reasons why it doesn't always work, no matter how 'smart' the child is.

I mostly agree....

 

I've taught in a lot of different settings. On the one hand, absolutely, maturity matters. Especially when there are safety issues, or "adult" topics, or formal manners. And there are certainly times that I've had to gently guide a parent away from making a choice that I know, absolutely, would be a disaster. But on the other hand, I really shy away from making that judgement based on age alone. There are kids who are well into the "appropriate" age range of a class who really need to wait, and there are kids who are ridiculously young who do fine.

 

And if we can have a third hand (LOL) classes for older kids (or even for adults) even without maturity issues are rarely a good match for brighter kids. It's one of the reasons I've not seriously looked at our local community colleges. DS could easily handle the workload, the manners, topics and chemicals... but for our community colleges, it would be a class aimed at adults who need remediation, not aimed at bright kids who can really crank through the material. They're not at all the same thing.

 

Really though, the problem is what happens when you have That Kid. If your kid really is academically ready for a lot more than his age-cohort gets in the available classes, but not a good match for the older classes (whether by his own immaturity or by the older classes not meeting his needs)... it gets tiresome. It means that you can go for years finding no good matches unless you teach them yourself. In each case the person who says maturity matters is right, but s/he is coming from a perspective of "this one class won't fit, but it's just one class". I think people can tend to forget that in a lineup of dozens of these each semester, it gets to a point that it isn't "just one class" - it's everything. And I think at some point, the parent of That Kid starts to get a little short tempered about it, because it starts to feel like every door is shut and would it really kill them to let him in once, even as a trial run, just to let him do something interesting for a change? And if you don't have That Kid, it's hard to remember that while there are certainly risks to going too fast, accelerating too far, etc... there are also very real risks to going too slow. There is no "safe" choice.

 

In response to the OP... I checked "other" (and he's more than 3 years accelerated).

 

In cases where no one else is inconvenienced at all, like message-board posts, I'll sometimes go by the work he's doing. (Although that's never a perfect choice either - we always come out a little "odd" no matter what grade we're claiming.) In cases where someone is just asking casually, without really wanting to know his workload and subjects, I'll tell them how old he is. Especially when it's kids asking -- they really don't want to know about macroeconomics and Shakespeare, they just want to know how his day compares to theirs... so the answer they get from me is that we homeschool, and we don't really do grades the same way they do in their school. The answer he gives is a little flexible... I think sometimes there's a little dance that kids (boys?) do when they're sizing each other up for the first time, and sometimes he goes with his age grade and sometimes he goes with a single year skip and sometimes he avoids the question. If they don't have plenty of other things to talk about, the relationship isn't going to go anywhere anyway.

 

For enrolling in classes... there are very few that I bother with anymore. For a few years there really weren't any good matches, and so I ended up teaching a lot. We've found a little cadre of kids who are young, bright, and fairly mature, and that bunch has made a good little co-op. Not a perfect fit, but very good. And just in the past year or so he's reached an age and maturity where he really can reasonably keep up with bright high school kids... so now he's doing a lot of online classes. For academic competitions we go with a single year skip. It has bumped him up to a new division twice now, and at each point it was an absolute necessity - competing in the lower division was not a good match. When there is no lower age (or grade) cutoff he still competes "up" more often than not.

[MissKNG]

Kindergarten. Next fall, 1st grade and so on. We run grade levels Sept-May with the ps since I wil have to report in 2012.

[JenneinCA]

There is no way to come out ahead in this sort of conversation. My kids know how to answer the question age/grade, but it is far from reality.

 

It is worst with dd12. There is no class she is doing that is at a seventh grade level. None. I would love to get her into a class at her academic level, especially a live in person history or science or english class. But those classes are for older high schoolers and so far every time I have asked they have said NO. They don't want to meet her. They don't care what she has done at home. She is too young, go away.

 

There is no good solution. I am faced with finding the least bad situation. She wants peers. She wants friends. She wants to find a place where she belongs. There isn't one.

[JennyD]

Age. I can't imagine anyone possibly cares what work we're doing, and I don't keep close enough track of what various schools do in different grades to be able to give an precise answer by level, anyway.

[Jen in PA]

There is no good solution. I am faced with finding the least bad situation. She wants peers. She wants friends. She wants to find a place where she belongs. There isn't one.

 

:grouphug:

[Quad Shot Academy]

After going back and forth with this issue, I have my son say, "I am in 5th, but am doing 7th this year." I always keep him with his age-mates. He actually prefers to play with younger kids. :confused: We don't do academic co-ops for him. I try to find geeky social outlets like chess, tae-kwon-do, computer programming . . . I also just set up a book club for Jr. high kids, using a high school level book. We found 3 boys to come and that is going well.

[ShutterBug]

We just say "We homeschool, he's 8, if he was in public school he'd be a 3rd grader."

 

For me, to say..."Well, he's 8, so if he was in public school he'd be a 3rd grader...but he's working 2 to 3 years ahead for math, 5 years ahead for reading, 1 and a half years ahead in writing and he's right on target for geography.." just sounds absolutely asinine.

 

The fact of the matter is, nobody really cares what level your kids or my kids or anybody else's kids are working at.

 

There are times when you'd never guess that ds is ahead of his peers..say playing at the park or at a birthday party with a bunch of other 8 year olds..and that's fine, I really don't feel the need for everyone to be aware of his academic status all of the time.

 

Then, there are times when it's obvious such as when we're at a chess tournament and he's playing (and doing well) in the adult section as opposed to the scholastic and having in depth game analysis with players decades older than him in between games.

[Crimson Wife]

For me, to say..."Well, he's 8, so if he was in public school he'd be a 3rd grader...but he's working 2 to 3 years ahead for math, 5 years ahead for reading, 1 and a half years ahead in writing and he's right on target for geography.." just sounds absolutely asinine.

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

So true! And that's not even getting into the fine distinctions like composition ability when dictating vs. typing oneself vs. physically writing. :rolleyes:

[EKS]

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

So true! And that's not even getting into the fine distinctions like composition ability when dictating vs. typing oneself vs. physically writing. :rolleyes:

 

Yes--because then, if you just looked at physically writing, we'd be back to grade-by-age. Or maybe even behind.

[Quad Shot Academy]

For me, to say..."Well, he's 8, so if he was in public school he'd be a 3rd grader...but he's working 2 to 3 years ahead for math, 5 years ahead for reading, 1 and a half years ahead in writing and he's right on target for geography.." just sounds absolutely asinine.

 

My son used to run through all the levels with people, so we just settled on an overall average grade for him to say.

 

The fact of the matter is, nobody really cares what level your kids or my kids or anybody else's kids are working at.

 

 

 

How sad. :confused: Maybe people will care or comment more when your kids are older. My son talks about grade level and curriculum with his friends, even with his public schooled friends. Soccer coaches, church workers and parents of my kids' friends frequently talk to them and me about what we are using and learning. I agree it doesn't matter when talking about placement in most programs, but it is just part of getting to know people and sharing with others who you are and what you do. At minimum, it gives people a door to make conversation with you.

[naturalmom]

I like to keep the grade level according to his age, and that's what we tell people. But we work in each subject according to his ability and achievement level.

[2smartones]

How sad. :confused: Maybe people will care or comment more when your kids are older. My son talks about grade level and curriculum with his friends, even with his public schooled friends. Soccer coaches, church workers and parents of my kids' friends frequently talk to them and me about what we are using and learning. I agree it doesn't matter when talking about placement in most programs, but it is just part of getting to know people and sharing with others who you are and what you do. At minimum, it gives people a door to make conversation with you.

:iagree: Sooo dittoing this. I'm surprised "nobody" cares about what your kids are doing, ShutterBug. :( People ask us all the time, public and HS alike. Even homeschoolers with kids the same ages as mine ask what we're doing, because chances are, they're thinking ahead to the next couple of years and planning what they might want to use. I usually have several samples of things we've done that I can show them (assuming I haven't sold things yet). People really ARE curious what my kids are doing. People really DO care! :001_huh:

[ShutterBug]

I don't think it's particularly sad, it's just kind of how it is. To be honest, I really don't give two hoots what levels other folks kids are working at either. I think in truth, people care about what level their own kids are working at and beyond that it serves for nothing except to play the comparison/one upping game...and I don't play that game :001_smile:.

 

When non-homeschooling folks ask what grade ds is in and they find out we homeschool the conversation goes one of two ways. They're either completely disinterested and change the subject or they're interested, but more in the hows of homeschooling. How do you report to your district? How do you make sure he gets socialization? How do you choose curriculum? I love, love, love to talk homeschooling, especially to those who are genuinely curious and interested. I'll often point out that one of the benefits of homeschooling is that we can tailor a curriculum to ds's interests, strengths and learning style...but even then I don't feel the need to toss out what grade level he's at in certain subjects. It just doesn't seem necessary.

 

When I talk to other homeschooling moms about curriculum, what's worked, what hasn't, etc.. I still don't feel the need to bring it up.

 

If someone specifically says "Hey, I noticed your kiddo is ahead in reading, or math, or whatever...what have you found works and doesn't?" then I'd answer specifically, but otherwise there just doesn't seem to be a point.

 

I've had no problems chatting homeschooling and curriculums or getting to know other homeschoolers without feeling the need to make sure people are in the know about what level ds is working at.

Edited March 15, 2011 by ShutterBug

[shinyhappypeople]

Pre-homeschooling days I was *so annoyed* with a HS mom who answered my innocuous, "So, what grade is your daughter?" with "Well, she works at 1st grade math, but 3rd grade spelling and... " etc.

 

I just thought, "Okaaaay. Didn't really need to know all that."

 

My younger DD is a little accelerated, but socially and emotionally she's a K'er, so that's what we call her and how she self-identifies. She just happens to go to a school (mom-school :) ) that let's K'ers work at whatever level they're at.

[zaichiki]

We used to just give the age and say "I'm homeschooled." We did this for 6 years.

 

Ds went to school last year. He was gradeskipped and got used to a grade designation. Now he uses the grade he *would have* been in if he had continued in school again this year (age-grade plus one grade). I told him he could choose any grade number he wanted. (He asked if he could choose K and I said YES with a big grin.)

 

Dd wants to copy her brother and use a grade label. Her very good friends at our music school are in 3rd grade this year. She's the same age and identifies strongly as a part of their group (they're a quartet), so she now says she's in 3rd grade too. :D

 

ETA: After being in school, ds no longer volunteers that he's homeschooled. He's not ashamed, but he just doesn't want to discuss it with strangers. (They inevitably start asking questions.)

Edited March 15, 2011 by zaichiki

[NittanyJen]

When DS1 was still in public school, we discussed bumping him up a grade, as he was really bored to tears, even in the gifted program. He overheard the conversations, so I asked him his opinion.

 

A 4th, grader, he replied, "I know I'm more than ready for 5th or even 6th grade as far as school work goes," (no bragging tone in his voice; just matter-of-fact, thank goodness) "but as far as this goes," <indicates his body, then his face> "this part is not even close to being on the same level or ready to mix with those bigger kids, and I think I'd be a complete misfit."

 

I really had to listen to and respect what he was saying, even if I wasn't going to allow it to be his decision (we ended up homeschooling rather than going either way-- see Hillandale Farm School on blogspot for his story and his brother's).

 

So now that we're educating at home, I tell both boys that grades don't matter any more; they'll "graduate" when we're satisfied that they're ready for college, and between now and then they'll work at whatever level their Dad and I feel is the right level to challenge them enough to keep life interesting. I actually do have a plan for that, but I don't want them worrying over it at ages 7 & 10 :). Our goal is an education, not a series of checkboxes!

 

I went to an ungraded public school-- it was an experiment-- in the early 70's that worked a lot like that. At math time you took out your math book, corrected the previous day's work, and worked until the end of math time. Everyone in the class was at a different spot-- some in kindergarten books, some in the 4th grade books, all in the 1st grade classroom. Reading, spelling, etc, skill subjects worked like that. A few classes such as social studies were group-taught. A few classes even allowed multiple age-grade classes to mix now and then, with the theory that kids should socialize across age boundaries and not be segregated by birthday all day. It was a fantastic experience, and it's a shame the school was shut down (The Smedley PUPPS in Springfield, PA-- building is now a police substation).

 

So . . . I guess I come down on the side of first, just reply that we don't have grades in home education. If some form for enrollment in an activity requires a grade, then we'll just use age-level the majority of the time, for social reasons.

 

Jen

[nmoira]

My dd has learned to say, "I homeschool but if I were in school, I'd be in ___ grade." This is not lying, just stating the facts.

This.

 

ETA If DD the Elder were in school, she would indeed be in third grade, albeit in an HG magnet school.

Edited March 15, 2011 by nmoira

[KAR120C]

beyond that it serves for nothing except to play the comparison/one upping game...and I don't play that game :001_smile:.

 

They're either completely disinterested and change the subject or they're interested, but more in the hows of homeschooling. How do you report to your district?

 

but even then I don't feel the need to toss out what grade level he's at in certain subjects.

 

I've had no problems chatting homeschooling and curriculums or getting to know other homeschoolers without feeling the need to make sure people are in the know about what level ds is working at.

I think you're missing the point that a lot of us ARE asked specifically what grade our kids are working at. We're not just looking for an excuse to sneak in some extra bragging, and honestly I'm kind of bristling at your choice of words here. I don't "feel the need to bring it up." I don't want to "make sure people are in the know about what level ds is working at." I don't "toss out what grade level he's at" and I'm not playing a "one-upping game."

 

People come right out and ask. Friends, relatives, neighbors, strangers, city bus drivers, store clerks, the mailman. That's not even counting people who run programs that define kids by their grade level. I have an answer because I'm not good at ad libbing. I need a response that isn't a lie but that also isn't obnoxious. I need to be able to contribute to the conversation in a way that my experience can be of use to someone when they need it, without making other parents worry about their own perfectly bright kid not doing what we're doing. It helps that I have older tutoring kids, so I have a good reason to talk about high school materials right through graduation without having to bring up DS's grade level. But people STILL ASK.

 

If I only ever had the discussions you describe, then yes, it would be obnoxious for me to insert anything extra about grade level into the conversation. But honestly... it's been years since anyone asked me about registering with the state or about socialization.

[2smartones]

I completely agree! Completely.

 

I remember, especially when my oldest was little, people (like grocery check-out) would say, "Oh, you're 5? You'll be starting kindergarten soon, huh?" I taught him to ignore them by giving a shy smile, or to only volunteer information if HE felt like it. He would usually just say, "I already started. I'm homeschooled." He wouldn't tell them he started a long time ago. If only it were still that simple. It's not anymore.

Edited March 15, 2011 by 2smartones

[ShutterBug]

People come right out and ask. Friends, relatives, neighbors, strangers, city bus drivers, store clerks, the mailman.

 

Really? Friends and relatives seems more reasonable but your mailman...the bus driver...strangers ask specific questions about the individual subject grade levels your kids are working at? :001_huh:

 

Are they asking in a polite conversational way like "Oh, and what grade are you in?" or are they asking in a "Hi..I don't know you and you don't know me but I'm just really curious as to the age/specific grade level per subject correspondence of your child." If it's the former, is it possible that they're simply making conversation and for whatever reason the first questions folks seem to ask parents is "What school does your child go to and what grade are they in?" If it's the latter then I'm sorry, but that's creepy.

 

Yes, people ask me all the time how old ds is and what grade he's in. 99.99999% of the time they're just trying to make friendly conversation and they really don't give a rat's duff about specific grade levels.

 

I'm not trying to be argumentative, I promise, this is just fascinating to me.

[KAR120C]

Really? Friends and relatives seems more reasonable but your mailman...the bus driver...strangers ask specific questions about the individual subject grade levels your kids are working at? :001_huh:

This is a small town and people are really chatty.

 

No they don't say "Hi..I don't know you and you don't know me but I'm just really curious as to the age/specific grade level per subject correspondence of your child." There's really a huge middle ground between your two options.

 

In the five minutes it takes for a shuttle driver to take us home from the auto mechanics, he can get from "oh so you homeschool" (kid is with me at 10am on a school day) to what kinds of options there are and the wonder of the internet these days, does he take classes online, what classes, wow really Latin, what grade is he?, do they really do Latin for kids that young... and at each point I have the choice of trying to keep deflecting ("lots of people start Latin young - classical homeschooling is getting to be quite popular") or finally admitting that it's a high school class and he's "good at languages". At that point, any grade level and any subject is fair game. On the other hand we could discuss Latin mass and Vatican 2 instead and whether we're Catholic and whether we're "from around here"... but I think I'd rather have the grade level discussion.

 

This really isn't a situation where I'm trying to impress the shuttle driver.

 

I'd rather discuss lots of things rather than grade levels. But people really do ask. If not because they wonder about a specific discrepancy then because it gives them context they understand. They know approximately what the different grade levels are and what the kids are learning along the way, and especially when you're already "weird" for homeschooling, I think they like having that milepost against which they can mark what you're talking about. I like talking about homeschooling - but really I find it virtually impossible to have a substantial conversation about it without getting into academics of some kind. It is schooling after all.

 

And of course there are the casual "oh what grade are you in" people too. They're the ones that get "we homeschool" and no details. Those aren't the ones I'm talking about.

[2smartones]

Doesn't matter if it's casual conversation or not, the first question is usually "what grade are you in" and the second is usually "what's your favorite subject". When the he says his favorite subject is Latin, no matter what the answer to the first question was, the door is wide open. People are genuinely curious and will respond with things like "Wow, what else are you learning? How old are you? I didn't learn things like that until _____." From that point, the conversation either ends (due to time) or continues with the state of our public schools, and how everyone should have a chance to learn what we're learning (regardless of age when they get around to learning it).

[Dmmetler]

The only people I find who ask specific questions about where DD is working are those who have been around DD enough to know she's out of the norm. Some, I think, are trying to defend their choice to leave their child in school, and some are trying to decide if HSing would be a better choice for them, especially if their child is advanced. And a few, mostly DD's former teachers, honestly want to know if this is working for her, since they've been my biggest supporters of trying to find SOMETHING that does, having made the effort of attempting to accommodate DD in a regular classroom.

 

Otherwise, mostly I get to hear how good their local school is, or how advanced their child/grandchild is, and they rarely ask anything beyond the "Oh, what grade are you in"?, which DD proudly answers "1st" (since, after all, she "Graduated" kindergarten last year). Now, if they ask her what she's doing in school, then sometimes they hear more than they'd expect.

[Ester Maria]

We have it easier since I get my children officially tested and graded for all required subjects - so they just claim the grade in which they "are" currently. The fact that that schoolwork makes up maybe 30% of what we do at home is our thing which we normally don't bring up.

 

I had my eldest officially accelerated one year, and will have my middle do the same this year, but we've talked that matter through and reached the conclusion that they really aren't in a hurry to graduate and it's in their best interest not to go formally accelerated, but to enjoy learning at their own pace, enjoy opportunities for a more free lifestyle and travel, and do use "age-appropriate" institutional level to check off the formal boxes. (They will graduate at 18, due to a 5-3-5 system we have here which makes all but those with latest birthdays graduate at 19. I suppose that was one of the main reasons why I allowed that grade skipping, because I still want them reach the age of majority before they graduate, for a plethora of complicated reasons, which include likely university educations abroad, etc.)

 

We really don't expand on that question, especially not to complete strangers. Kids have learned how to be very nonchallant about it and answer within the realm of what their school does. There really is no need to elaborate that your Latin is, essentially, 2nd-3rd grade lycee Latin rather than the beginner Latin that's "normal" at 14, or that the math you get tested for is something you knew since you were 10. We avoid those conversations completely when it comes to strangers. :D

[Quad Shot Academy]

Really? Friends and relatives seems more reasonable but your mailman...the bus driver...strangers ask specific questions about the individual subject grade levels your kids are working at? :001_huh:

Yes, my oldest gets asked specifically all the time. And yes, he has lots of conversations with the mail man. :tongue_smilie: He races out there everyday when he comes. The mailman always asks him some form of the question, "What have you been doing/learning today?" My son will answer and they will chat about it, especially if it is history. One time I heard my son say, "I have been solving for x." We all know that K programs do that now, but he was shocked and said, "What grade is that?" Now, he frequently asks him specifically what he is learning in math.

 

 

Are they asking in a polite conversational way like "Oh, and what grade are you in?" or are they asking in a "Hi..I don't know you and you don't know me but I'm just really curious as to the age/specific grade level per subject correspondence of your child." If it's the former, is it possible that they're simply making conversation and for whatever reason the first questions folks seem to ask parents is "What school does your child go to and what grade are they in?" If it's the latter then I'm sorry, but that's creepy.

 

I could list a bunch more situations, but really my point is, that yes, my son has conversations with people all the time where they ask a specific grade level. He is very chatty and will talk to anyone about anything, but he has long conversations especially with boys his own age: boys he meets in the park, in the neighborhood, at church, at chess . . . I used to make him say his age-grade, but he would typically run through every level anyway because the boy he was talking to did so also. :lol: He said he wanted to tell them a higher level because it wasn't fair that he didn't get credit for all the hard work he was doing. So we settled on an overall average grade level to say. "I am in fifth, but doing seventh grade work this year." He doesn't laboriously list each subject level, unless asked specifically.

 

I'm not trying to be argumentative, I promise, this is just fascinating to me. I find myself wondering where you live! I live in a major suburb but I still feel that people are interested or at least bored enough and looking for something to talk about. ;)

 

.

[Crimson Wife]

Where we tend to run into trouble is when DD is carting around whatever tome she's currently reading and folks start in on whether I'm making her (no) and if she actually understands it (yes). It doesn't help that she's got a baby face and so strangers tend to think that she's younger than 8. I don't go around flaunting it in people's faces but what am I supposed to do- tell her to bring Rainbow Magic with her instead of Jules Verne?

[TracyP]

I (and kids) only give grade by age when people ask. I have never had someone ask what "level" my kids are working at. I don't think my kids would even know if asked. I imagine this will be a lot different when my kids are older.

 

I take my kids to a one day a week preschool where 4 other families homeschool. Kids range from mine being the youngest to high school students. We talk hs philosophy, testing options, curricula used, time management, but never has the "level" our kids are working at come up. This is a huge relief because I really don't like talking about it.

 

There has been a few situation where it has come up by accident. I get really bad vibes from people. I guess I am pretty gun shy at this point. This is sort of OT but I think it is easier if kids are obviously pg. Then nobody feels bad cuz these kids are the exception. With mg-hg (just bright, whatever label you want to give them) accelerated kids other moms seem to feel bad. Maybe if I did what she does, used curric that she uses, my kids could be doing that too. It is very uncomfortable for me. I will stick to age by grade unless forced.:)

[JennW in SoCal]

I'm fascinated too that some of you get such detailed questions. Never had the issue in 11 years of homeschooling.

 

This year is different, though, as my 15yo is at the community college full time, but it is more socially "acceptable" to have a teen doing advanced work. The day he had to get a prerequisite waived the college counselor explained to a new employee to "just enroll him. He's one of those smart kids that has passed the rest of us already!" I jokingly tell people that I have been "fired" as his math and science teacher as he has passed me by.

 

And, if y'all will forgive a proud mama, but I have to share a short brag. He is the top student in his chemistry class, with all the older students coming to him with their questions on the homework. He is simply bemused by it all -- I'm the one that wants to gloat!!

[babysparkler]

I tell people his grade by age and so does my son.

 

:iagree: This is what we do. Recently I had to get special permission to sign him up for a highschool math co-op class because he didn't meet the grade requirements... but the teacher was willing to accept him anyway since he is working on a highschool level at home.

[babysparkler]

I have never had someone ask what "level" my kids are working at.

 

I do.. I get this all the time from people who know him, but others mostly just ask grade level.

Edited March 15, 2011 by babysparkler

[babysparkler]

double post

[Storm Bay]

The grade appropriate for the year they intend to graduate high school.

 

 

This is what I do now. I used to do the grade I had them registered in (not that they were doing all their subjects at that grade level,) but none of mine are going to graduate early. None of mine have ever maintained a long term passion for academics as they have other areas of interest they are passionate about. They're kids, so I let them be kids and don't force them to work where they could be working. They're giftedness isn't going to go away because they aren't being neglected nor are they lacking exposure to a variety of things. My eldest is in no way mature enough to graduate early, my middle one is not yet showing that she'd be responsible enough to graduate early, and my youngest has always been a reluctant scholar who has just started vision therapy. It turns out his giftedness has masked a vision problem (his eyes don't work together), which may be why he has been such a reluctant scholar. We started therapy yesterday, and the diagnosis explains some disparities I've noticed lately.

[zaichiki]

I (and kids) only give grade by age when people ask. I have never had someone ask what "level" my kids are working at. I don't think my kids would even know if asked. I imagine this will be a lot different when my kids are older.

 

This has just gotta depend on where one lives -- I've been asked this SO many times (about each of my 3 oldest) that I cannot even count. The people in my neck of the woods must be nosy busybodies! :lol:

[zaichiki]

Where we tend to run into trouble is when DD is carting around whatever tome she's currently reading and folks start in on whether I'm making her (no) and if she actually understands it (yes).

 

My two boys have been early readers.

 

A LOT of people have told me, over the years, that this kind of "shock" about what they're reading fades away as they get older. ("By the time everyone else is reading it's no longer a big deal.")

 

My 11 year old still gets these comments. (The difference is that the comments are now directed towards him and not me.) A couple of days ago a highschool-aged boy approached him and asked what he was reading (Tom Clancy). The boy was obviously surprised and replied, "That's a HIGH SCHOOL book!" Ds didn't say anything. (I guess he didn't have a canned response to that one.)