KidsHappen Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 :iagree: I am surprised how many think she did this out of spite. It sounds more like mental illness to me, an Axis II disorder to be specific. Ok, I am just going to throw this out there. I have a mental illness. I do not invite people to my home and I don't come out of my room if for any reason someone I am not related to is here. My hubby is well aware of this fact and would never invite someone to the house that he expected me to interact with, without my explicit approval. If he did, that person would probably have been thinking/wondering the same thing about me and yes, there would have been serious tension in the house. (Of course, I never would have come out of my room to read. So I really don't understand that part :confused:, but I will grant that not everyone's mental illness would manifest in exactly the same way as mine.) However, I would have felt that my hubby had vioated the sancticy of my home and no, I would not have been able to get over it just to place nice. You can not force someone with a mental illness to behave in a way that you find acceptable. Since you don't have both sides of the story you have no way of knowing if she truly had a mental illness of if she was just being rude. Unfortunately, that is one of the terrible things about mental illness, for the most part it is invisible. Now, I am not saying for sure that was what was going on there, just that it was a possibility. It is also possible was that her husband never intended for her to be part of the social event, that he was inviting you, your hubby & your children on behalf of only his children and himself. Another possibility was that his wife made it clear that she did not want to entertain, he ingnored her wishes and she was asserting herself. Or you are correct and she was simply being rude. In any case, since he extended the invitation, he should have explained the situation and/or at least have made apologies to you and your family for putting you in such an awkward position. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoundAbout Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Sounds like a marital problem to me, but possibly mental illness. Either way, I wouldn't take it personal or ascribe too much blame - you never know what's going on behind closed doors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 This situation is so wrong, no matter what the reason. I think the husband was out of line to invite people over without clearing it with his spouse. I think the wife (with the exception of mental illness) was out of line for her behavior. Finally, I think the OP was out of line for staying. As soon as I felt I was imposing on someone in their own home, I would leave. Her home should be her safe place. Whatever was going on, you weren't welcome--marital problems, mental issues, whatever the case may be. I can completely understand how the whole situation would be disorienting to you, but with my magical Captain Hindsight goggles on, I think you should have extracted yourself from the situation. As far as watching her child again for free, erm, no, thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Is she a teenager? LOL That sounds about like the right age for such behavior. However, that said, this weekend, my dh invited a friend over for Sat. morning. He told me Friday night at 9pm. I said, "NICE. Would have been even nicer if you had managed to mention it, oh, a few DAYS before the visit and not a few HOURS." That was all I said and my dh called his friend to reschedule...without mentioning me at all. That is just mutual respect. If one of us does not feel okay with a certain something the other is doing, we respect the other one and change things if we can. Of course...if his friend HAD still visited on Sat. morning, I would have greeted him with a smile, offered him a drink, and been polite. It is not HIS fault that my dh failed to mention it to me until the night before and HE does not deserve any anger or rudeness on my part. Being mad at dh does not translate to me treating others badly just to "get back at him." Maybe, if I was a child...but that is not adult behavior *especially if he was watching MY kids one night every other week!*. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Ugh, tht sounds incredibly awkward and I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Being the baby sitter unexpectedly and without really being asked is one of my pet peeves! Not to mention finding out when you arrive that she had told her children you were taking them swimming. I would been so mad at her presumptions. On the bright side you have a clear heads up to not accept any more invitations from those people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Of course...if his friend HAD still visited on Sat. morning, I would have greeted him with a smile, offered him a drink, and been polite. It is not HIS fault that my dh failed to mention it to me until the night before and HE does not deserve any anger or rudeness on my part. Being mad at dh does not translate to me treating others badly just to "get back at him." Maybe, if I was a child...but that is not adult behavior *especially if he was watching MY kids one night every other week!*. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bairnmama Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 All I'm going to say is - that I've been there and I feel sorry for the woman and can make a fair guess why she did that. I wouldn't assume mental illness - I would assume a woman that is repeatedly never respected and thus no longer has any respect for her DH or cares what other people think of her. I'm sure that's how many friends of my DH think of me - oh if they only knew. :iagree: My ex would constantly invite "the guys" over without ever mentioning it to me, and sometimes one of them would even show up to the house before my ex would get home. I would often seclude myself in the bedroom to read or in the living room if they were outside... but ONLY once the kids were in bed and not needing to be watched/cared for. I just couldn't stand the constant drinking, swearing, and basically shop talk any longer. Now, if any wives were over, too, it would be different. I would stay around and be pleasant until I just HAD to get to bed. My ds was still very little at the time and he got up super early every morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 This situation is so wrong, no matter what the reason. I think the husband was out of line to invite people over without clearing it with his spouse. I think the wife (with the exception of mental illness) was out of line for her behavior. Finally, I think the OP was out of line for staying. As soon as I felt I was imposing on someone in their own home, I would leave. Her home should be her safe place. Whatever was going on, you weren't welcome--marital problems, mental issues, whatever the case may be. I can completely understand how the whole situation would be disorienting to you, but with my magical Captain Hindsight goggles on, I think you should have extracted yourself from the situation. As far as watching her child again for free, erm, no, thanks. :iagree: with this and with the quiet desperation comment. There is no way to judge what's really happening in someone else's marriage and no reason to take sides or allow yourself to be inserted in the middle -- what a yucky situation for everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Yep. This isn't rude, or at least it's not just rude, and it's not directed at you. She was giving her husband a serious middle finger, right in front of his friends. I'd guess they'll not be married much longer at all. If I was the OP and had been helping these people out by providing free baby sitting, I would absolutely feel that this was a giant middle finger extended towards me. I would also take it as a sign that she no longer wants free baby sitting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Gah. :001_huh: I don't even know what to do with that. :confused: There are times when we go to my parents' house and my mother will *hide in her closet* to get attention. :blink: She is mentally ill. Without knowing anything about the situation of the woman being discussed in the OP, I could *never* treat guests in my home who had been doing favors for my family so rudely. I just couldn't. I don't care how inconsiderate or what a jerk my dh is/was/whatever. Seriously, how is that the GUESTS' problem?? And she told her kids that the OP was taking them swimming. :001_huh: So she doesn't read to me like the hapless victim of a manipulative dh. (She might be, but the rudeness would have started and ended with her staying in her room. But making promises on the bahalf of the unwanted guests and coming out to flaunt her rudeness to them speaks volumes. :glare: IMO ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Or absolutely at her wits end with a "street angel, house devil" husband. Yes, this is a very common type, isn't it? My sister's ex fits this description perfectly. I can't see my sister acting like this lady did, but the fact that he did not cancel the visit makes me imagine scenarios with this man who seems so nice, but really isn't. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I vote either mental illness or raging b*!$h. No matter how mad I try to imagine being with dh, I don't think I could ever humiliate *myself* that deeply. Just reading it, I somehow feel ashamed on that woman's behalf! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacie Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 You were visiting my sis-in-law? She's been known to do this sort of thing regularly with me. We've been invited over for various reasons (dinner, coffee, party) all of which end with my dh working his backside off and me watching the kids and cooking the meal. She doesn't go hide, though. She'll invite a friend over and serve her coffee, wine, food, etc. and then they go into her "parlor" to visit behind closed doors. I've been left with all the hungry kids and instructions on where the sandwich material is located for when they get hungry, what they like for dinner, etc. I used to think she was rude, until she invited another sis-in-law over and then acted this way. Now I know it's a statement of her incredible position of power within the family. ;) She thinks she is the queen of the family, and is raising her daughter to act the same way. Her son now behaves this way with my boys, inviting his neighbor friend over when we're there and ignoring his family playmates. I don't subject my kids to this type of behavior any longer. They are old enough to notice the absurdity of her "uniqueness" as her hubby calls it. We visit socially at others' homes, but do not go to their home any more. I'm sorry you had to put up with such an uncomfortable situation. You are a very kind person to stick it out for the sake of the kids and your hubby. Just know what you're up against and run for the hills if you get another invite! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 The wife's behavior certainly seems "off." But so does the husband's. Inviting a family over for yard work? Letting wife behave oddly without some offer of explanation? Inviting people over if he knew the wife didn't want them to come? Having been through this scenario before and not giving his work buddy the heads up? ("Just so you know, my wife isn't very social, so she stays in her room when I have guests, sorry!") Which would at least give the family the opportunity to feel uncomfortable in advance, and decline the invitation. Or, if we were to assume she has never done this sort of thing before, I imagine he would react with concern, ("honey, aren't you feeling well?) Or if they had a fight about it, he could've done a last minute cancel. I'd much rather a last minute cancel than a several-hour painful social event. IMO the husband's behavior seems as strange as hers, and I'm not ruling out mental illness in her case, or rudeness, either, but it was the husband's job to protect his friends and/or protect is wife (not being sure who needed protecting more), rather than just let this situation evolve while he got his yard work done. What type of yard work was it, anyway? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 (edited) It sounds like there is either some sort of mental illness or marital difficulties at play here. I would give her the benefit of the doubt. ETA: I hesitate to post this, because I do not know the parties involved, but I'm going to share anyway. The situation described by the OP the exact sort of thing that my father used to do to my mother towards the end of their (very abusive) marriage. He would invite co-workers or friends over to the house and then, before they arrived, he would attack my mother and warn her not to make eye contact with the guests; alternately, sometimes he would not permit her to leave her bedroom while guests were in the house. When the guests arrived, he would give an excuse that there had been an argument and that she was now being a b*tch and refusing to play hostess. Sometimes he would force her out of the room to socialize with guests (after he had warned her not to), and then when they left she would be beaten and berated for any perceived slight (she made eye contact with a guest, she spoke to any male guest, someone's drink got empty, etc). I know that a lot of people thought my mother was rude, but she wasn't. She just lived in fear every single day. Edited March 14, 2011 by Pretty in Pink Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Don't let it bother you. If you enjoy the company of the rest of the family then let her behave badly. We have a friend like this. He will invite us and another family over to play games all day. We drive 2 hours to be there and it is a twice a year opportunity. His wife is crabby the whole time. Oh well... everyone else enjoys it, and she always acts that way, so why should we all be punished and her DH never have any friends? ::Shrug:: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 ETA: I hesitate to post this, because I do not know the parties involved, but I'm going to share anyway. Oh my word. I'm so sorry :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Yeah, I had my dh read it as well. He said, "That man set everyone else up for heartache, so he could get some free help for his yard. He knew his wife did not want company." Yup. Sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetBean Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Unless she is suffering from a mental illness--maybe that is a possibility here?--her behavior is worse than shocking. Sorry you had to spend part of your day this way. You really do have rude person story for the ages. Poor kids. That isn't normal behavior. I would suspect that there is a mental illness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ciyates Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 She must have been homeschooled. No socialization skills at all. :glare: :D . :rofl::svengo: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetBean Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 The wife's behavior certainly seems "off." But so does the husband's. Inviting a family over for yard work? Letting wife behave oddly without some offer of explanation? Inviting people over if he knew the wife didn't want them to come? Having been through this scenario before and not giving his work buddy the heads up? ("Just so you know, my wife isn't very social, so she stays in her room when I have guests, sorry!") Which would at least give the family the opportunity to feel uncomfortable in advance, and decline the invitation. I agree. My DH would never do that to me. Something is off here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Gosh, it is hard for me to see that as rudeness and not something being terribly wrong. :001_huh: It sounds miserable for you, but there must be more to the story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 This sounds just like my x-sister! That kind of unpredictable obnoxious behavior is just one of the reasons we stopped having contact with her. We suspect she has mental issues but she would never admit it and our lives are too short to spend being abused by her. I feel sorry for your dh's co-worker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I vote either mental illness or raging b*!$h.No matter how mad I try to imagine being with dh, I don't think I could ever humiliate *myself* that deeply. Just reading it, I somehow feel ashamed on that woman's behalf! We read in the paper about people who are so angry and stressed they blow away the wife and kids. (And sometimes shoot themselves.) People don't ALL have that reaction to really terrible stress. Some people pout, some people throw things. Not everyone shoots. Imagine this is her version of blowing the whole family away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 Wow! This thing is still going. I don't believe there is anything sinister going on with the dh. At all! I don't know if she was just in a mood or has a different kind of issue. I just thought it was incredibly rude. I know they spent most of last year working with social services and had many counseling sessions so they could adopt. Everything went fine and they have a wonderful new addition to their family. Maybe she's just showing the stress of last year now? Maybe they're having marital difficulties? I don't know but I don't believe at all that she's being abused in any way by her dh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Wow! I don't know but I don't believe at all that she's being abused in any way by her dh. There is a reason behind the German saying "Street angel, house devil". I had a charmer in college SOOOOOOOOOOOO terrific at making it all seem my fault I had black eyes and bruises the size of plates, not leaving because he'd put a gun to my head and told me he'd fly out and kill my parents if I did, and STILL the majority of people we knew thought I must be a monster to make this wonderful guy do that. Quite tellingly, the people who sided with me, and (after I waited until my parents went to Brazil for 2 months) helped hide me were people who DID NOT know him. Just about everyone who did know him, including people I'd known back home for years, sided, or were at least still friendly with, him. My "best friend" decided he was okay when he bought her a trip to France! Then again, I would have never dared act that way. I'd have had quite a beating when we were alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 (edited) Kalanamak, that is horrid. :( :grouphug: On the flip side, my mother painted my father to look like a monster to the outside world. She wanted people to believe he was just terrible to her when he wasn't. He honestly wasn't. She wanted the attention of being the "poor, long - suffering wife who was so wonderful." :thumbdown: She would totally do what this woman in the OP did specifically to have people wonder and question and worry. The upshot of the whole thing is, outside of the 2 in that marriage, no one really knows why she behaved like that. And with no other information to go on, it was rude. And some people are just simply rude. Some people are just simply selfish and petty. Could there be an underlying reason? Absolutely! But we don't know. Speculation can run rampant from now until the 31st of April. ;) OP - sorry you had to live through what must have been one long freaking afternoon!!! Edited March 14, 2011 by cindergretta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 There is a reason behind the German saying "Street angel, house devil". I had a charmer in college SOOOOOOOOOOOO terrific at making it all seem my fault I had black eyes and bruises the size of plates, not leaving because he'd put a gun to my head and told me he'd fly out and kill my parents if I did, and STILL the majority of people we knew thought I must be a monster to make this wonderful guy do that. Quite tellingly, the people who sided with me, and (after I waited until my parents went to Brazil for 2 months) helped hide me were people who DID NOT know him. Just about everyone who did know him, including people I'd known back home for years, sided, or were at least still friendly with, him. My "best friend" decided he was okay when he bought her a trip to France! Then again, I would have never dared act that way. I'd have had quite a beating when we were alone. I'm sorry for what you went through. My mother was once married to someone quite similar. I just don't see it with these two people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I haven't read all the other posts, but there's definitely something else going on here and it isn't about you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 There is a reason behind the German saying "Street angel, house devil". I had a charmer in college SOOOOOOOOOOOO terrific at making it all seem my fault I had black eyes and bruises the size of plates, not leaving because he'd put a gun to my head and told me he'd fly out and kill my parents if I did, and STILL the majority of people we knew thought I must be a monster to make this wonderful guy do that. Quite tellingly, the people who sided with me, and (after I waited until my parents went to Brazil for 2 months) helped hide me were people who DID NOT know him. Just about everyone who did know him, including people I'd known back home for years, sided, or were at least still friendly with, him. My "best friend" decided he was okay when he bought her a trip to France! Then again, I would have never dared act that way. I'd have had quite a beating when we were alone. :grouphug: I am so sorry you had to go through that.. but also very glad you got out. One of my dear friends is married to a guy who is beginning to be like this. It is a scary place to be.. they have children.. but there are people who believe her, thank God, and who have confronted him once or twice. But what else can you do?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 But what else can you do?? Give or loan (at no interest) money for them to leave or get settled in a job. Most abusive husbands control the money so that the wife has no options. We took money out of savings to allow one friend to leave - she was able to stay at a shelter but needed money to get job training since her husband had forbidden her to work or to keep up job qualifications in the 20 years they had been married. She just paid it off two months ago! I was so proud of her - the money was nice to receive because I have big ER bills to pay but honestly I was more happy because she's in a place earning money where she was able to pay it off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 I'm sorry for what you went through. My mother was once married to someone quite similar. I just don't see it with these two people. Do you think he expected his wife to act this way, or that it came as a surprise? It still seems odd to me that he didn't try to 1) call off the event, or 2) alert you to his wife 'not feeling well' (or whatever excuse he wanted to use so it wouldn't seem so odd), or 3) act concerned about her. Or, 4) act concerned about you. I get the impression he just acted like nothing odd was going on? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Give or loan (at no interest) money for them to leave or get settled in a job. Most abusive husbands control the money so that the wife has no options. :iagree: If you start squirreling a little away as an emergency fund, when she does decide she needs to/has the strength to leave, she'll have a bit of a cushion. I know one woman who lived for years (she was opposed to divorce) with a horrible man who barely spoke to his three kids. When their house burned down, he refused to go to a shelter and leave his tools behind, so she and the kids went. After about 2 nights without him, she realized he was a terrible, horrible, abusive jerk and asked if she and the kids could move to a secret location and get way from him. Then, and only then, did it come out that her church friends had been putting money away for her for over 10 years, hoping for the moment it could be used for this. She ended up back in school and the kids are all grown now, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Give or loan (at no interest) money for them to leave or get settled in a job. Most abusive husbands control the money so that the wife has no options. We took money out of savings to allow one friend to leave - she was able to stay at a shelter but needed money to get job training since her husband had forbidden her to work or to keep up job qualifications in the 20 years they had been married. She just paid it off two months ago! I was so proud of her - the money was nice to receive because I have big ER bills to pay but honestly I was more happy because she's in a place earning money where she was able to pay it off. :iagree: If you start squirreling a little away as an emergency fund, when she does decide she needs to/has the strength to leave, she'll have a bit of a cushion. I know one woman who lived for years (she was opposed to divorce) with a horrible man who barely spoke to his three kids. When their house burned down, he refused to go to a shelter and leave his tools behind, so she and the kids went. After about 2 nights without him, she realized he was a terrible, horrible, abusive jerk and asked if she and the kids could move to a secret location and get way from him. Then, and only then, did it come out that her church friends had been putting money away for her for over 10 years, hoping for the moment it could be used for this. She ended up back in school and the kids are all grown now, too. These stories made me :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 We were invited to the house of one of my dh's co-workers today. We are sort of acquaintances and we watch their dc one night every other week to help them out for a couple of months. He invited us over to have my dh help with some yardwork but to also cook lunch for us as a thank you since we won't accept money for watching his dc. I guess he didn't run it by his wife first though.:glare: She wouldn't come out of her room for the first 2 hrs we were there. Co-worker told my dh she got upset about it days ago so I at least know he didn't spring it on her this morning. She basically decided since it wasn't her idea she shouldn't be expected to do anything. The dc told me their mom said I would take them all to their community pool to go swimming.:001_huh: I had to be the bad guy and say no. I ended up stuck inside playing babysitter/entertainer. My dh got upset and told the guy we would be going but his co-worker asked if we could stay and let the kids play and we would all go to the pool and then eat lunch. I said ok because I knew the kids had been looking forward to it all week. As we're eating lunch after swimming she comes out and sits on the couch and reads. Doesn't say one word to anyone.:001_huh: I then gave my dh the "look" that said he better get me outta there because I was about done holding my tongue. I've never encountered such rudeness from anyone but especially not someone I've been helping out. I might have become a bit upset if dh made those same plans w/out consulting me but I would never have just ignored everyone. If you've read this far -- thanks for letting me rant! So, you had lunch at my mother's house? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalphs Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 I actually have a similar story to that. Believe it or not. There is no understanding it. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2abcd Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 What a troubled woman! I feel so sorry for her dh and their kids. If it helps any, I have experienced a similar situation. Very, very strange. I think untreated mental illness is the culprit. Her dh and kids are lucky they have you for friends. I would keep on helping them, but on your turf and your terms. No way would I want to go back to their house and be treated like that. Poor woman. She is so unhealthy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akmommy Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 We had a relative that did something similar and it had nothing to do with the social situation. It was all about something going on between them.:huh: This was my first thought.:iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReneeK Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Ouch, couldn't imagine someone being that rude. I feel for the family-and pray that is not a common thing for that family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Let me tell you about an even stranger situation. I was in a homeschooling group in one place. We would have a once a year cookout as a group. One year it was at our house since we have a very big yard and plenty of patio space. It was a beautiful warm (but not hot) day. A stepfather comes with his wife and stepkids. Turns out that they started a new diet and didn't bother to inform us so they decided to bring their own food, oh and since they also got family y to do this too, now we have food for 8 extra. Okay let's move on. Stepdad comes in and sits down inside. DOesn't speak word one the whole picnic. My dh. who is also manning the grill, tries to make conversation. They are both in the same service. THe man refuses to go outside (and I don't mean my husband was pushy, because he really, really isn't), causing his wife to stay inside, some of her friends to stay inside, and meanwhile some of their kids are misbehaving outside. But I altogether I thought it was really rude to come to a cookout, bringing alternate food unannounced (I had seen the mom at a homeschool activity two days before, we all had a phone list, email, etc) and totally ignoring everyone at the gathering. He ended up reading some pages for a magazine he had cut out and brought. It seemed like awkward teen time but he was a grown man with at least 15 years in the military. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grace'smom Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Ok, barring the mental illness or abuse possibilities, she really should have been nicer to someone who is watching her kids. This is like being rude to the waiter who handles your food. You should NEVER be rude to someone handling your food or your children! Not that the OP would be like this, but I am ALWAYS super nice to anyone watching my daughter, because I would hate to have any negative feelings toward me possibly influence their thoughts about my daughter. BTW- now every time I use commas I wonder if I am using them correctly. this board is going to force me to review my old grammar books from high school ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Give or loan (at no interest) money for them to leave or get settled in a job. Most abusive husbands control the money so that the wife has no options... That's a good idea. She does work, but only part time. One of her children is disabled.. and guess what, her husband doesn't deal with it very well. At all. But.. I think if she ever wanted to get out, she has enough potential independence to do it, and she knows that there are people who support her 100%. The question in my mind is, would she ever choose to get out? Would I? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 That's a good idea. She does work, but only part time. One of her children is disabled.. and guess what, her husband doesn't deal with it very well. At all. But.. I think if she ever wanted to get out, she has enough potential independence to do it, and she knows that there are people who support her 100%. The question in my mind is, would she ever choose to get out? Would I? Unfortunately that isn't something you can answer for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In2why Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 It would make me crazy to try to figure out her motives. I would have to call her on the phone and ask why she put you and your children in that position. That her behavior was unacceptable and that you are confused, hurt, and angry with what happened. At least that way you can decide how to go forward. If her response it equally as crazy then you know you will no longer have anything to do with her in any form. I would NEVER go to her house and she would not be welcome at mine until she recognized and apologized for her behavior. But if she has a reasonable explaination, or is mortified because she allowed the drama between her and the husband spill all over you guys then you might decide differently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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