Jump to content

Menu

How do you get a 2 1/2 year old out of your bed??


Recommended Posts

My youngest is NOT a sleeper at all. If she takes a nap she is up until 1 or 2 in the morning. Her current routine is to hang out until I go to bed and come and get in bed with me and go to sleep up against my back. Most of the time my DH trys to move her to her bed when comes in and she starts screaming so he brings her back in. Well she has started or has been sleep long ways across the bed with either her feet in my back and her head in her dad's or the other way around. We are not getting much sleep.

 

We have tried putting her in her crib and letting her cry it out. She cried for 3 1/2 hours straight with no signs of letting up. We tried moving her to a big girls bed and with me laying in the bed with her. I have to lay in bed with her for 2 hrs before she goes to sleep and even then she wakes up around 2 am and comes and gets in bed with us anyway.

 

What should I do???

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"We have tried putting her in her crib and letting her cry it out."

 

I have a 2 1/2 year old and with her I would try that one again. Wear earplugs. :D

 

Maybe she would like a book on tape. That always helps my kids not be scared at night.

Edited by hmsmith
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am having the same problem with my 3 yo. I gave up and put a mattress on my floor at the foot of my bed. She sleeps straight through the night now. Naps are a different story... she is ready to give those up. :glare:

 

She is supposed to be sharing a room with her two sisters. That is part of the reason I gave up. I couldnt handle her keeping the other two awake all night too!

 

While I hate having her in there, I am so thankful she is OUT of my bed and sleeping through the night!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you're willing to have her in the room, consider a mattress on the floor.

Sometimes the path of least resistance is more than worth it.

Where my sleep is concerned, I'm of the opinion that it is always worth it. :D

 

Our kids (5 and 7) sleep on separate mattresses in our (very large) master bedroom. It is not a source of conflict; we're content to have them in our room, and my DH is surprised by how much he prefers to have them with us. They do have a bedroom. I suspect they'll decide to move out of our room together in the next year or two. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When we had to help our third dd learn to sleep through the night in the same room as her sisters, we used shooter's ears. You know those headphone-looking things that people use for ear protection when doing target practice? Those. Her sisters wore them and slept through it. I didn't mind being mostly awake as long as they weren't!

 

Mama Anna

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kids don't want to acknowledge that they are tired and need sleep. For those of us with kids who don't seem to need as much sleep (like my 4yo who doesn't need naps and can stay up until 10 before starting to tire), we need to create a routine and STICK with it. Their bodies adjust.

 

As for getting them to stay, I'm all for bribery if things get really difficult. But one thing that has really helped is to let our kids listen to some music. Let's face it, going to bed, even if not scary for a child, can be pretty boring. I will put on a gentle CD and tell them that if the music stops (end of CD) and they are still awake, they can come to mom and dad's room to pick another one or I will go up and tuck them in, maybe stay a minute or two. They fall asleep every time.

 

I don't like going to bed without some white noise and the total quiet makes it *hard* for me to fall asleep. I'd rather have a kid who needs some soft classical music to get to sleep than to be in bed with me, kicking me in the head or climbing all over me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have tried music (classical, disney princess songs etc) books on tape, video games, reading for hours...... I am losing my mind. We do have a routine. She is the youngest of 5 and everyone else goes to bed between 7:30 and 8 pm with no problems. Bath, book, bed thats the routine. None of the others have ever had sleeping issues... I think I will try the mattress. How do you get them to stay on the mattress?

 

She even tells her dad that he needs to move away from me because that is HER spot in bed... LOL

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How do you get them to stay on the mattress?

 

Be persistent. How do you enforce other rules?

Don't cave. You don't have to be mean, but just tell her the way it's going to be. Keep bringing her back to the mattress. You can always give her the choice to sleep there or in her own bed.

You'll have to remember, tho, that you'll be dealing with a tired child.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dh or I lay with them on a pallet in the floor until they go to sleep. Either dh or I usually have to forfeit a pillow to the cause and sometimes a blanket off our bed too so they feel more familiar with the smell and feel their new sleeping arrangement.

 

Once that's fairly normal, we move them to their own bed, maybe staying until they doze off the first week or so.

 

If they wake, we don't say much other than lay back down and maybe give them a hand to hold until they fall back to sleep.

 

Currently baby #9 just turned two and can't sleep without rubbing a small mole on the inside of my elbow.:001_huh: She cuddles up, wrapping her arm around my arm and rubbing her thumb over my mole until she goes to sleep. Sometimes at night she wakes up crying her litany of "mommy mole bed up daddy up mole". I tell her it's all okay, lay back down and she is just now starting to do that most of the time. The other night tho, she walked to the edge of the bed, laid her head on the edge, reached under the sheet for my arm and rubbed my mole until she slowly slid off the side of the bed and hit the floor. Where she stayed asleep with her butt in the air and the dog over her feet for the rest of the night. Made a thud noise when she hit the floor. I leaned over expected her to cry in pain, she didn't so I went back to sleep.

 

You might try adding a heavy snack or glass of milk right before bed. A half of peanut butter sandwich or a boiled egg with water or milk about 20 minutes before bed has tremendously helped a few of my young ones to go to sleep and sleep better. Some of them just go and go like energizer bunnies and suddenly when they finally stop at the end of the day, they need to eat in order to rest well.

Edited by Martha
Link to comment
Share on other sites

When we transitioned our little ones (all around age two-ish), we moved the child to a bed next to ours (touching), then moved the bed across the room, then into the other room.

 

 

This worked well for one child of mine who was 1. For my other kids I have rocked them to sleep and then carried them to their bed (still doing this with my 2 year old). When they awake while I am still awake I rock them back to sleep or walk while holding them. If they woke after I went to bed I just let them sleep with me.

 

I have done the transition to the child's bedroom at age 1 and it is pretty firm by age 2 and by age 3 the child usually sleeps in his own room full-time. I had a king-size bed with my youngest (makes a big difference!). With my boys I started the transition by placing their mattress up against my mattress.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This can actually be done fairly painlessly. I promise! My son was about that age when we did this. It took several steps. First, get her into a real bed, not a crb. A twin bed with sheets she gets to pick out is perfect. Oh, and glow in the dark stickers or stars on the ceiling help too :) Also make sure she has a stuffed animal or doll to cuddle, a new one is great. Get it all decked out and tell her how she is going to sleep in her new big girl bed, and you will be right next to her to help her fall asleep. Then for the next several nights have a routine where you brush teeth, read, pray, whatever. Then sit in the bed next to her with a book and a book light and read until she goes to sleep. The idea is that you are NOT laying down cuddling, but you ARE right there with her. She may cry and fuss to cuddle, but stay firm. After all, you know she isn't scared or lonely because you are right there! After about a week of this (the longest step in the plan) explain that you are going to sit next to the bed, either on the floor or in a chair. Have your book and your book light. She will again fuss some, but you are right there, and she is now used to sleeping without cuddling so after the initial temper tantrum she will be able to sleep. EAch night sit just a few inches farther from the bed and closer to the door. AFter a few nights of this I would tell my son that I would be right back with my book,i needed to just finish folding the laundry, or getting a drink, or whatever. And I did come right back, after a few minutes. I gradually lengthened how long I was gone, or would come and go a few times, until finally he was comfortable without me there. At that point I told him I would be just down the hall, and could hear him if he needed me, and would check on him every few minutes. And I did. After a night or two I stopped checking on him, because he didn't need it.

 

You can fiddle with that a bit, but the book and booklight are essential, so you don't get bored and resentful and angry.

 

Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are you willing to consider another perspective? Your little one will work through this issue much more successfully if you are patient and willing to respond to what very well may be communicated to you as a need.

 

My youngest, our dd, was a co-sleeper and I did all the research. Dh and I finally came to the conclusion that she needed to be close and that we should allow it. Some children just need the extra security and bonding, and contrary to what many say and think -- there is no harm in this.

 

I read about how we Americans are one of the few nations in the world that do not share a family bed. I know, I know...some will never agree with this idea, but here's the truth: children DO outgrow the need to be close to parents at night. They really DO. One article I read stressed that American teenagers find it hard to open up to parents partly because they are forced at an early age to detach from them by sleeping alone before they are ready. This was one of the clinchers for dh and I, plus the fact that our dd had issues related to her adoption. Children by birth may need added security for one reason or another too.

 

Our dd finally found total, all night comfort in her own bed by the time she was preschool - kindergarten age, but it came in increments over time. We used music piped into her room and then finally adopted a dog that still sleeps with her. She is a very well adjusted child, and we have no regrets.

 

As a mother of adult children and grandchildren, please believe me when I say that they grow up all too fast and you cannot go back and redo things like this. I'm sure it seems like time goes on forever now, but this is not the case. Your child is at a critical stage of developing confidence and security for life, so do consider the big picture.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

Edited by HSMom2One
grammar - shee!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

When we transitioned our little ones (all around age two-ish), we moved the child to a bed next to ours (touching), then moved the bed across the room, then into the other room.

 

We have a pretty large room, though.

 

Cat

 

:iagree: This is how we transitioned all our children. We have a small room and moving beside our bed for 1 month. Moving it farther from our bed, then to the opposite side of the room. Then to their bed they went! The entire process took dd#1 6 months, took dd#2 nearly an entire year and ds wanted in his own bed at 10 months :)

 

We didn't do cribs. And we welcome our children into our bed with warm snuggle arms as long as they have slept FIRST in their bed.

 

DH and I didn't fuss about dd#2 taking longer with the process...I mean she spent 9 months in the womb, 2.5yrs with us in bed...there wasn't any way I was going to expect her to give the attachment up as quickly as her older sister did.

 

To this day..dd7 and dd5 still end up in our bed 98% of the time. And we're 100% ok with this! So my advice might be of no help. But I hope it does even a little.:grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you have a sibling to let her share a bed with?

 

I moved my 2 yo out w/ her 5 yo brother. At first I laid until she fell asleep. Then I moved to sitting beside the bed and holding and touching her until she went to sleep and then it got shorter and shorter. The process was maybe a week tops and there was no crying it out. Also, she has never tried to crawl in bed w/ me, not even once. My now 6 yo hasn't either. I think doing it slowly is best and having a sibling is great for both of them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So I tried the mattress on the floor last night. It was a good time to start because my DH works on Sat nights so if she fussed he wouldn't freak. I talked to her about how this was her new special bed right next to mommy and I gave her one of my pillows that I sleep on (she's a smeller) She was asleep within 15 mins with me next to her. Then as usual she was awake at 2 am and getting in bed with me. My DH got home and 4 and tried to move her to the little bed and she freaked.

 

I will try it again tonight. I don't mind her sleeping with me at all its just with the WAY she sleeps we have a hard time sleeping. My friend from Japan was telling me yesterday that they all share a bed and room for a long time they all sleep on futons on the floor of their parents room.

 

I CAN get her to sleep somewhere else I just can't get her to STAY there. It is a VERY rare night that I can get her to sleep all night in another room.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yep. This is where the rubber meets the road when we say "Be consistent!" in parenting. LOL! Not one of my favorite things, but you have to keep taking them back to bed. When I was being a softy with our youngest, my dh and older kids kept telling me, "Mom, you just have to do it, like SuperNanny!!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We recently moved our 2.5yo to a crib. The first week was rough. I slept on the floor and held her hand through the crib bars. The next week I slept in my bed, but came in and comforted her when she woke up (rocking in the rocking chair). It has been nearly a month now and most nights she sleeps until 7am. Once the sun comes up I snuggle her in my bed for a few minutes. We are both getting more and better sleep. :)

 

Oh, she does better at night if she doesn't take a nap. At this point she takes a nap two or three days a week. She goes to bed between 7-8 on days she does not nap. She actually asks to go to bed. :)

Edited by Veritaserum
Link to comment
Share on other sites

When our kids were that age, I had an extra toddler bed that I put at the foot of my big bed. When anyone was sick, they slept in that bed. Anytime they wanted to be in bed with mommy, they were directed to mom. Sometimes I would let them fall asleep with me, then move them to the little bed. When they really wanted to be close, they would stay there, but eventually they each learned that it wasn't much different from their own beds, so they didn't come to my room as often.

 

I have two what I call "roundhouse" sleepers. They would stretch out in the middle and, like a train in the roundhouse, move around all night, twist up the covers, and basically drive me out of bed!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That was the age I said "enough" to my then 2.5 yo son- I put him in bed with his older sister (she is only 17 months older) and I cant remember if he tried to come back or not, but I know they slept together for the next few years (they had a double bed mattress on the floor. Does your 2.5yo have an older sibling they can bed with to help them feel secure?

When my oldest was little she slept in my bed, then next to my bed, then in a cot in the same room. But the time her brother was born, she was in an adjoining room. But she wasn't much of a problem.

 

I think yo have 2 choices- one is to allow the behaviour and very gently transition her to independence. I think it is very natural for a 2yo to want the comfort of sleeping with her parents. But I do remember getting tired of being kicked and really needing sleep.

 

The other choice is to be really firm and give her as much security as possible but be really firm about not letting her back into your bed. If you waffle between the two...you will continue to have her come back. SHe may not outgrow her desire to sleep with you for another year or 2.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This can actually be done fairly painlessly. I promise! My son was about that age when we did this. It took several steps. First, get her into a real bed, not a crb. A twin bed with sheets she gets to pick out is perfect. Oh, and glow in the dark stickers or stars on the ceiling help too :) Also make sure she has a stuffed animal or doll to cuddle, a new one is great. Get it all decked out and tell her how she is going to sleep in her new big girl bed, and you will be right next to her to help her fall asleep. Then for the next several nights have a routine where you brush teeth, read, pray, whatever. Then sit in the bed next to her with a book and a book light and read until she goes to sleep. The idea is that you are NOT laying down cuddling, but you ARE right there with her. She may cry and fuss to cuddle, but stay firm. After all, you know she isn't scared or lonely because you are right there! After about a week of this (the longest step in the plan) explain that you are going to sit next to the bed, either on the floor or in a chair. Have your book and your book light. She will again fuss some, but you are right there, and she is now used to sleeping without cuddling so after the initial temper tantrum she will be able to sleep. EAch night sit just a few inches farther from the bed and closer to the door. AFter a few nights of this I would tell my son that I would be right back with my book,i needed to just finish folding the laundry, or getting a drink, or whatever. And I did come right back, after a few minutes. I gradually lengthened how long I was gone, or would come and go a few times, until finally he was comfortable without me there. At that point I told him I would be just down the hall, and could hear him if he needed me, and would check on him every few minutes. And I did. After a night or two I stopped checking on him, because he didn't need it.

 

You can fiddle with that a bit, but the book and booklight are essential, so you don't get bored and resentful and angry.

 

Good luck!

 

This is very similar to what we did, only my son was terribly afraid of the dark for a long time, so it took considerably longer than what KTGROK outlines, and I wouldn't call it painless. But it did work, and it worked without having to let him cry until he pukes. (Which is what he does when he gets that upset.) We didn't have final success until he was 4. I have 2 friends in town who also have kids that didn't sleep through the night until 4. We used nap times to "practice" though that may not work for you as well, since you said that she's giving up nap time. When the new baby was born we put a cheap ($70) twin mattress on the floor in the boys' room for the baby, rather than getting a new crib (we decided the old one wasn't safe enough, and with co-sleeping, seldom used it anyway). It's great. If Monkey (the big boy) decides that he needs company at night, and he still sometimes does, either myself & the baby, or DH goes in there & sleeps on the baby's bed. In our own twin, with our own blankets, but still in the room. No more sleeping in an H shape, which has got to be about the least restful way possible!

 

One thing I did was I was brutally honest about why we needed to do this: the bed isn't big enough, and Mom & Dad aren't sleeping well, and I'm not a good Mommy when I don't get enough sleep. It makes me grumpy, and then I get sick.

 

I absolutely agree about the book and booklight. An hour is a looooong time to just sit. And that's what you get to do otherwise - talking, after the stories & whatnot, is counterproductive. A cool nightlight (it projects a picture of the planets - $8 at Walmart) also helps. A baby monitor is useful too, for the "I'll be back in a little while" stage. We call it the "munchkin monitor," and Monkey takes a lot of comfort from it. Sometimes he'll ask for it at naptime too.

 

With all of that, we had a lengthy stage where he'd start in his own bed, and we'd wake up realizing that he'd joined us in the night in our bed. He got pretty sneaky about it too, little booger! He learned that if he crawled OVER us he'd get taken back to his room, but if he came and crawled up the MIDDLE of the bed, he could slip under Daddy's blankets and snuggle in and be fine for hours, maybe the rest of the night. He hasn't done that for a long time. Now it's "will you come sleep in Raven's bed?" It's a good change.

 

Be patient and loving. This too will pass.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't want to sound like a broken record (I am aware of the dated metaphor :lol:) but *chronic* sleep problems are often undiagnosed dairy (or other food, but often dairy) allergy.

 

If her sleep issues are not new, I suggest being open to considering an organic reason.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So I tried the mattress on the floor last night. It was a good time to start because my DH works on Sat nights so if she fussed he wouldn't freak. I talked to her about how this was her new special bed right next to mommy and I gave her one of my pillows that I sleep on (she's a smeller) She was asleep within 15 mins with me next to her. Then as usual she was awake at 2 am and getting in bed with me. My DH got home and 4 and tried to move her to the little bed and she freaked.

 

...

 

I CAN get her to sleep somewhere else I just can't get her to STAY there. It is a VERY rare night that I can get her to sleep all night in another room.

 

It sounds to me like you're on the right track. Keep at it, but expect it to take some time. Hopefully it'll work this well when DH is at home, and you guys can get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep before she rejoins you. You might consider joining her on the little bed if you have to remove her from your bed in the night. We found that useful when transitioning Monkey out of our bed. They're learning 2 things: to sleep on a smaller bed, and to sleep without Mom & Dad. If you join them on the small bed for a while, it breaks up those two things, so they can learn them one at a time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We transitioned DD to a kindermat on the floor next to my side of the bed. Then, for a while, she slept on the couch in the living room because if the TV was on she would fall back asleep if she woke up alone. Finally, we broke down and put a TV in her room, and Scooby-Doo keeps her company all night until this day.

 

The TV is going OFF soon because I'll be moving in there (DD's room) with the baby. This time around, it'll be a matter of transitioning me back to my bedroom, rather than a child out of it. At least, that's the plan.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So last night was a success in my book. She came upstairs about 9:30 (which is early for her) laid down on her mattress and went to sleep. AND slept there ALL night! YAY!!!

 

That's great! I know one pp said they would eventually outgrow it on their own, but I have a nephew that would come to his parent's bed every night. They finally kicked him out - at 13. Dh and I have a rule - kids (most of the time) past nursing age go to sleep in their own beds. If they wake up at night they may join us if they can do it without waking us up. If they distrub my sleep, they go back to their own beds.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So last night was a success in my book. She came upstairs about 9:30 (which is early for her) laid down on her mattress and went to sleep. AND slept there ALL night! YAY!!!

 

 

Could be that she is just staying up WAY too late and getting over tired. I would certainly move her bedtime up and see if that helps.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't want to sound like a broken record (I am aware of the dated metaphor :lol:) but *chronic* sleep problems are often undiagnosed dairy (or other food, but often dairy) allergy.

 

If her sleep issues are not new, I suggest being open to considering an organic reason.

 

Wow! Really?! Well, that would explain my youngest then! She was recently diagnosed with a dairy allergy and has *always* been a very, very poor sleeper. (The kid hasn't napped since before a year old. I kid you not.) She does not sleep through the night (gets up 4-7 times at night) and frequently sleeps in our room, like the OP's kiddo. She sleeps worse than my neighbor's newborn! I wish I could get her to sleep better as I can never go out at night b/c of her sleep habits.:glare:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All of my children started on mattresses on the floor next to my bed (easier for me to breastfeed and then move to my own space to sleep). Once they were weaned they stayed on the mattress on the floor next to my bed until they were ready for a toddler bed which was placed far enough from my bed that I could walk to my bed. The toddler bed was then replaced with a twin. They usually stayed on a twin bed or mattress in my room until they were ready to move on their own. Two stayed until they were eight while the rest moved to they own rooms or in with their sisters earlier. Everyone got more sleep this way and really that was all that was important to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She went to bed at 8:30 last night and slept most of the night. She got into my bed about 2 (I was half asleep so didn't really comprehend) I moved her back to her bed when I figured out she was in my bed again. I laid with her for about 5 mins and she was good for the rest of the night.

 

I can't thank you ladies enough! I thought I was losing my mind and didn't what to do. THANK YOU, LADIES OF THE HIVE!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She went to bed at 8:30 last night and slept most of the night. She got into my bed about 2 (I was half asleep so didn't really comprehend) I moved her back to her bed when I figured out she was in my bed again. I laid with her for about 5 mins and she was good for the rest of the night.

 

I can't thank you ladies enough! I thought I was losing my mind and didn't what to do. THANK YOU, LADIES OF THE HIVE!!!

 

So glad it's working! Those first few nights of good rest are magical. Enjoy your rest!

 

:hurray::hurray:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...