Someone tell my dh that 40 isn't a magic age.

[Jeanne in MN]

My husband has been struggling with the belief that at age 40 we should have certain things by now. It weighs very heavily on him that we are renting right now and don't have house of our own. (we are between homes and are waiting to buy a house we really like and can afford.)

 

He sees his co-workers (who have double income families) taking big vacations every year and have nice vehicles and he can't afford to buy the kind of pickup truck he'd like. He just thinks he should be farther along in life than this and I told him, "Honey, we have three teenagers coming up, college ahead of us, it won't be getting easier or better for a long time!

 

If you are 40 or older, please tell me if you don't "have it all", and that it might be a little unrealistic to think we should. Or any other thoughts you have.

[littlebug42]

We are at that age and we certainly don't "have it all". We have friends that have two full time income jobs and they are able to have fancier vacations etc but they hardly ever see their kids. When they go on vacation, it is even to places that have kids clubs so they don't even have to spend time with them on vacation. Our priorities have been different and I wouldn't trade it for anything. All of our extra money is currently going to debt pay off so we will have more free money in the future but we aren't there yet.

[Hedgehog]

Well, we're not quite there yet as we're a few years shy of 40, but my parents were always in that position when we were kids. In fact they were so hard up that they sometimes went without, in order to buy us basic things we needed, like shoes. They're now in their 60s and finances aren't tight for them like they used to be, but they are so in the habit of not spending any money, they don't really relax about it.

 

They found it hard, that their contemporaries always seemed to have so much more than they did. But - not everyone who looks like they have it all, genuinely does; we now know that several of those very people who my parents thought were so well off, were actually living on huge amounts of credit, which has, sadly, now come back to bite them.

 

As a final thought, apart from the occasional longing for the latest bag, neither I nor my sisters were overly bothered about not having any money for anything, certainly when we were young. We were so used to it. We did free things together, we hiked and cycled, gardened and baked; we had lots of board games, and my mum taught us all sorts of card games. We were happy at home.

 

HTH some! :001_smile:

[Hedgehog]

We are at that age and we certainly don't "have it all". We have friends that have two full time income jobs and they are able to have fancier vacations etc but they hardly ever see their kids. When they go on vacation, it is even to places that have kids clubs so they don't even have to spend time with them on vacation. Our priorities have been different and I wouldn't trade it for anything. All of our extra money is currently going to debt pay off so we will have more free money in the future but we aren't there yet.

 

That reminds me of one of the saddest things I ever heard a mom say to her dc: they wanted her to be the one who picked them up from school every day, instead of their babysitter, and her response was "I have to work, so that we can have our two weeks' holiday to France." And I thought, how on earth could you think that 2 weeks in France makes up for the 50 weeks that you're simply not there? :confused: This lady works 6 days a week, until 7pm, and then they are at church all day Sunday - she is with them, but it's not family down time.

 

Maybe that's just my opinion, I don't know.

[OrganicAnn]

Would he buy the line "50 is the new 40"?

 

or Chekov only started writing when he was 40.

 

If he is about to turn 40 I would discuss a Steven Covey story about 2 people they both wanted a vacation cabin. One would talk and dream about having a vacation cabin one day. The other found out about how much they costs and made a plan to put aside a certain amount of money. You can guess which one had a vacation cabin one day. So no matter what he feels like he's done or not yet accomplished, he can still make new goals and make a plan to accomplish it.

[gardening momma]

When you see someone who seems to have it all, you don't see their financial situation. Dh and I are 36 and 37. We have a decent house, 2 vehicles (one is 11 yrs old and the other is 3.5 yrs old). We do a bit of home improvement once a year or so, like a new front door one year, new carpet another, wood blinds for the living room window another, etc. but our house is far from being a showcase. We spend within a fairly tight budget and pay off our credit card each month (we use it for most of our spending for the benefits).

 

On the other hand, my BIL (dh's brother) and SIL are in their late twenties and have a nicer house, nicer cars, beautifully finished basement, and buy themselves whatever they want--the latest electronic gadgets, a boat, etc. He's going to be out of a job at the end of December, but their attitude is, "oh well, just charge it." (but they're not paying it off each month)

[susankenny]

40 here. We still don't have all the "stuff" either, but we have everything we need! (Just not everything we want, lol):D

 

 

Susan

[Starr]

I remember 40. Pregnant and grad school. :)

[elegantlion]

I'm 43, my dh just turned 50. By no means do we have it all. We just downsized our home, we drive two older cars that are paid for, we don't upgrade our electronics every couple of years like we used to. We don't take yearly vacations like we used to. In fact dh has been un/underemployed since last May. As a person who has been self-employed for 30 years that was quite the blow.

 

But something magical happened over the summer, we began to enjoy each other again, even among the chaos. We really let go of some of the "stuff goals" and just started enjoy being a family.

 

40 is just a number. Turning 43 was very liberating for me, because I brushed off the ashes of many thing I had thought I wanted but had died a long time ago.

 

I know at 43 I thought I'd feel more adult, be doing more adult-like normal things, but then I realized 40 is not the magic number. Like turning 21 is not a magic number either.

[scrapbookbuzz]

My hubby had/has a hard time with that, too. We are both 41 and both struggle with the 'comparison game' once in awhile. Keep in mind, especially if you're homeschooling, you have chosen a COUNTER CULTURE lifestyle. You have chosen the education of your kids over a second income. You have chosen experiences, and most likely, closeness with your immediate family, over possibly going into severe debt. I guarantee you that MOST of those families you see going on 'great' vacations are paying for them on credit, despite the double income.

 

A great exercise would be to write a list for that which you are thankful. That will show your blessings.

 

And, no, we don't have it all. But I choose (some days by the minute!) to store up my treasure in Heaven.

 

Your/his attitude is a choice. Comparing will.not.help.

 

(Just to let you know that I understand how both of you feel!)

[Sebastian (a lady)]

My husband has been struggling with the belief that at age 40 we should have certain things by now. It weighs very heavily on him that we are renting right now and don't have house of our own. (we are between homes and are waiting to buy a house we really like and can afford.)

 

He sees his co-workers (who have double income families) taking big vacations every year and have nice vehicles and he can't afford to buy the kind of pickup truck he'd like. He just thinks he should be farther along in life than this and I told him, "Honey, we have three teenagers coming up, college ahead of us, it won't be getting easier or better for a long time!

 

If you are 40 or older, please tell me if you don't "have it all", and that it might be a little unrealistic to think we should. Or any other thoughts you have.

 

There was a great article in Money or Kiplinger's a couple years ago (just before the housing bubble burst) that compared the finances of three comparable families in the same neighborhood. One of the things that stuck with me was that each family profiled thought that the other families were doing far better financially than they really were. Much of the lifestyle was being financed through debt.

 

I don't think that renting right now is a horrible position to be in. No, you don't have a paid off house. But you also don't have tens of thousands of dollars in equity that you can't recover because you can't sell your house for the cost of the mortgage (or can't sell it at all).

 

I've become quite skeptical of the families I see that do seem to have it all (especially when their dh's are also military and I know they make about the same we do). There is a difference between income and wealth. Many who have good incomes never accumulate wealth because they spend as fast (or faster) than they bring money in. I might recommend the book The Millionaire Next Door as a book that adjusted my way of thinking about money (one huge thing was that the actual millionaires interviewed had far more frugal tastes than the researchers expected them to have).

[mcconnellboys]

Lots and lots of people who have all those things also have a ton of debt, perhaps more than you'll ever know until or unless something happens to knock them off the tightwire they're walking. Less is more. Being truly happy with where you are instead of chasing dreams of possessions that are really meaningless may be a tough sell, but it's maybe one of the most important lessons in life to learn. Stuff is nothing.....

[Desert Rat]

My dh and I always tell each other that we don't know other people's debt loads when we see their lavish vacations or expensive toys. We pride ourselves on having only a mortgage as an outstanding debt.

[Susan in TN]

Well, it depends on where you put your sights. When I was 16yo I knew I was hopelessly behind because I hadn't mastered Tchaikovsky's Violin Concerto. ;) Still haven't.

 

Our cars are old. Our newest is a used 12 passenger van (out of necessity when our 6th baby was born), and our other car is a '94 Bonneville, purchased in 2006 for $1200. Our vacations consist of trips to see family. We rarely eat out. Buying books at the library book sale feels like a great splurge to me.

 

We could buy new cars and go on expensive vacations and eat out, but we choose to give a portion of our monthly money to our church, and a couple other charities. We also spend our money on other things that suit our family - musical instruments, boys scout trips, and those visits to family :).

 

I know many people who suddenly sprang a "new" and fulfilling life when they were in their late 50's and 60's. You just never know what God has in store. :)

[AHASRADA]

I've still got a couple years left before hitting 40, but dh is there ;). Yes, there are times that we feel that we *should* have a house instead of renting, we should have more money in the bank, more investments, basically more to show for all the years we have been productive adults.

 

The truth is, we had all those things in our late 20s and 30s. Owned houses, 2 cars, took overseas vacations, kids attended numerous activities, and lived comfortably within our means with no debt outside of a mortgage. We played by the rules, but the economy changed, the rules changed, and here we are.

 

We aren't materialistic people, and the quality time that we spend together as a homeschooling family (and as an under-employed family) is priceless. Still, part of us longs for what was, where we expected to be financially and career-wise at this point in our lives. But, we are not alone. There are a great many people who are having to reset their expectations, people who will never get where they wanted to be, or get back the standard of living they once enjoyed, whether at 40 or 50 or ever.

 

So, like it or not, 40 doesn't mean what it used to. A college education doesn't guarantee what it used to. We all have to become accustomed to the new reality of lower expectations for our standard of living, and hopefully learn to appreciate the great value in non-material blessings we have been granted.

[Sophia]

He sees his co-workers (who have double income families) taking big vacations every year and have nice vehicles and he can't afford to buy the kind of pickup truck he'd like. He just thinks he should be farther along in life than this and I told him, "Honey, we have three teenagers coming up, college ahead of us, it won't be getting easier or better for a long time!

 

 

 

I know too many people who appear to have it all on the surface, but whose personal lives are a mess, to ever think that anyone "has it all."

 

I think the older we get (I'm 46, dh is 44) the more we appreciate the intangibles of life. We don't have ex-spouses between us, our kids are happy and healthy, I get to stay home with them and homeschool, the list goes on and on.

 

Perhaps it's because I have been privy to some really sad circumstances in the lives of those who outwardly appear so successful, that I have never been tempted to think that my life is lacking because of the absence of material things.

[alpidarkomama]

Who has it "all"? It's those who think they have enough that are happy. Those who think they always need a little bit more will never be content. Our life is very simple, but it's enough. We share one car, don't eat out, shop at Good Will, etc. But the great, great happiness a simple life brings to us all? I wouldn't trade it for a thousand fancy cars, vacations, houses, clothes...

[lllll]

..

[duckens]

Loverboy deals with this periodically. He turned 41 last week. He shared with me that he felt that he hadn't accomplished what he "should" career-wise or financially. He compares himself to his brothers.

 

Loverboy has more education than either of his brothers. He has a Ph.D. in science, and he completed two post-docs. He is under-employed. His current job could probably have been filled by a Bachelor's degree...and has the financial reimbursement for a Bachelor's degree.

 

All I can do is remind Loverboy of the things we know:

 

1) We don't have a house; just a mobile home....but it is paid off. Our monthly housing cost is $280/month (for lot rent). Who wants to be us?

 

2) Our daughters are healthy and growing as they should.

 

3) Because of the level of education that Loverboy has, and the career he has, Loverboy has a lot of flexibility in his time. He has been able to attend ALL of our daughters' doctor appointments so far. He was able to attend ALL of my pregnancy appointments for both pregnancies. If he runs late going in to work, he just needs to telephone to let them know. If he needs to take time off, he is able to rearrange his schedule to do so.

 

4) When Loverboy was hired for this job, there was a delay in the paperwork. This is because the Governor had to approve Loverboy's job, and that there would be money in the budget to pay Loverboy for 25 years. Loverboy has job security that many people do not have right now.

 

5) We have no debt. We can pay off our bills each month, and buy just about anything we want. (We are not extravagant people). We have almost enough in savings for a new car to replace my 1991 Ford Explorer. We're going car shopping tomorrow. :D

 

ETA:

6) I believe Loverboy's brothers are happy in their marriages, but I don't know how they could be happier than Loverboy and I. EVERY DAY I am thankful just to know Loverboy. EVERY MINUTE I am grateful that he is my partner and my co-parent. Six years ago, we didn't know each other, and we each rather thought that long-term-relationships and the opportunity for children had passed us each by. Now we are together, laugh a ridiculous amount each day, and have beautiful children. In this way, we have more than we ever dreamed, and more than others will ever know.

 

With these things in mind, I patiently and lovingly listen to Loverboy, but I remind him that we have things so much better than many people...especially right now in our country.

Edited December 17, 2010 by duckens

[Greta]

If you are 40 or older, please tell me if you don't "have it all", and that it might be a little unrealistic to think we should. Or any other thoughts you have.

 

I'm 36 , but my dh is 54. We do own our own home, and as I sit here writing this, we have three buckets placed in various spots around the house, catching the rain that is leaking through the roof into our dining room, hallway, etc. This is the first time it has rained here in months, but we go through this every time it rains, because a new roof is going to cost us at least $16K, and that is going to hurt! Right now, I rather wish we rented instead of owned!

 

His car, the "new" car, is ten years old. It has left him stranded several times. My car, the older one, is 14 years old. It is :lol: to see in person. It's a pathetic purple, or at least it would be if the paint hadn't been all burned off by the New Mexico sun. The driver's side door doesn't lock any more, and the passenger side seatbelt doesn't work. Other than that, it's actually been a great car. I heart Toyota. :D

 

Now, given that, please understand that my dh has a PhD from an Ivy League college, 30 years of work experience in a very specialized field, and is working as a scientist at a national laboratory. And he's in his 50's! You'd think we would "have it all" wouldn't you? If "it all" consists of numerous buckets catching the rain leaking through the crappy roof that we had replaced not 4 years ago, then yeah, we have it all! :lol:

 

Meanwhile, a friend that my dh went to grad school with is working on Wall Street, pulling in 3/4 of a million a year, traveling to exotic lands, the whole nine yards. My poor, stressed, over-worked and under-appreciated dh feels so frustrated and like such a failure sometimes for not providing for us better. But you know what? I wouldn't trade places with that Wall Street family for all the tea in China. I've seen their family life. I will take my happy, monogamous marriage, and my beautiful, care-free well-adjusted daughter over their dysfunctional nightmare of infidelity and kids getting kicked out of every posh private school they put them in because of malicious behavior any day!

[Maria from IN]

I just turned 40 on Thanksgiving Day.

 

I have:

 

a mortgage payment (that's 2 weeks late this month),

 

a son in private school only because my ex gets disability and the dependent benefits come to me,

 

4 broken teeth that I can't afford to fix because I have no insurance,

 

$45,000 in student loan debt which I need to start paying on in February,

 

a man in my life who so desperately wants to work but can't do squat because he doesn't have insurance either and had to rely on residents at the local VA to operate on his retina (another long story),

 

$25,000 in debt to my mother, who helped us with living expenses while I finished grad school,

 

a new-to-us refrigerator we really couldn't afford (see the 2-weeks-late-mortgage line) but had to have, as the other one quit on us yesterday(!),

 

and a PRN job at a hospital (I always say PRN is from the Latin for "not enough to make a solid living, but too much to quit).

 

I'd like to be in a better place myself, but I have to constantly remind myself that I could still be in that factory working 12-hour shifts--if the auto industry hadn't tanked a couple years ago, that is.

 

Things could be worse. I could be saying "do you want fries with that" after all this education. We have a house over our heads (because my father's life insurance provided the down payment) and food in our stomachs. My son and boyfriend will get Christmas gifts that they need (warm clothes) and a couple of the things they want. My carpal tunnel is better now that I'm using my head more than my hands.

 

And, lastly, I have a wealth of information in my brain that I'm not going to lose just because the place I'm working for can't use me anymore. After the factory, I was just another unskilled worker. Sure, I could run Panasonic surface mount machines, but most people don't even know what they are, much less use them...skills like that aren't really transferable. If the hospital can't use me anymore, I can always be a counselor somewhere else.

[elfgivas]

"catch the joy as it flies".

 

any age, any day, every age, every day.

 

stuff just gets in the way. unplug the tv.... commercials this time of year are hard on our souls.

 

:grouphug:

ann

[Jeanne in MN]

I'll be sure to share these with my dh. I'm not even the one worrying about the kind of stuff he is, but I'm moved by many of your stories. I feel a kindrid spirit with many of you.

 

I hope something here speaks to my husband. I think he's kind of got a mid-life crisis going on he needs to work through.

 

Thank you for taking the time to speak out!

[cathmom]

Dh and I are around that age, and our urgency to get into a better financial position has increased greatly. Once you turn 40, you can't kid yourself that you have forever to get things together!

[hillfarm]

The year my dh turned 40 started with us having most of it and ended with us having moved 1200 miles from Florida to Ohio, had our first child, buying a nearly condemned farm, and cutting back from two incomes to about half of one. We chose to drive cars that would have embarrassed us before, lived in a scary looking house, and we laughed so that we wouldn't cry about how "Appalachian" stereotype we looked.

 

Dh jokes that most men wimp out for their midlife crises and just grow a ponytail and get a Harley. He, OTOH, almost wiped his slate clean and started over. For the record, we love our new life and would do it all over again.

 

Your dh needs to ask himself whose yardstick he is using to measure his success, and why he values their measurements so highly. IMO, many men are heavily influenced by both the media and also tradition.

 

Sure, the media will portray the successful 40yo as living the perfect life, master of his own destiny. These scripts are written by 40yos who have to do exactly as they are told every day and are probably as much fantasy and escapism than any actual representation of real life.

 

And don't even get me started on tradition. We live in a rural area where for the last 50 years, successful men all worked at the local factories. But now those factories are closing up shop and moving offshore. The newly laid off workers are mad. They are not getting the same deal their grandfathers and fathers got. Here they are at age 40 with the rug being pulled out from under them.

 

Advertisers pay enormous amounts of money to convince your dh that if he can't buy their latest products, cars, etc., then something must be wrong with him. It's not true, but they care much more about their income than the truth or his feelings.

 

IMO the best antidote for feeling like this is to go spend some time helping those less fortunate. People who are good, smart, and honorable but who don't fit your dh's stereotype mold of success. Perhaps that can help him to develop his own system of measuring success, not the ones that others so wish to provide him.

[Peela]

We rent. We won't be paying for kids' college fees beyond the first year.

Dh is 57 next month. I am 43.

We are happy. We do have 2 investment properties but real estate is not exactly booming.

However we live in such a way that we are not in debt (apart form the investment properties- and soon to be dd's college fees).

 

The difference with us is.....dh was a millionaire in his 20s and early 30s. He ran a publishing company and was very successful. Then he had an awakening one day, realised it wasnt what he really wanted to do with his life, gave the company to his staff, sold everything he had (actually he went bankrupt as well but thats another story) and hitch hiked around Australia with bare feet. I knew him before and after and we got together after- he had nothing. I had nothing. We started with nothing and bought a bombed out station wagon and travelled around Australia in it. When we settled down and had kids, we started with our camping gear. Everything we have built since then has been bit by bit, 2nd hand, while dh did what he discovered he was passionate about- remedial massage, then counselling and therapy.

He is still doign what he loves and I wouldnt have it any other way, adn he supports me to do the same....but we cant afford to buy a house to live in.

 

Money really, really doesnt make you happy. Doing what you love does.

[fairfarmhand]

I'm not over 40, but a wise woman once told me. "Comparisons lead to discontent."

 

I've edited it in my head to say "Comparisons lead to discontent or pride in my life."

[Kathleen in VA]

My hubby had/has a hard time with that, too. We are both 41 and both struggle with the 'comparison game' once in awhile. Keep in mind, especially if you're homeschooling, you have chosen a COUNTER CULTURE lifestyle. You have chosen the education of your kids over a second income. You have chosen experiences, and most likely, closeness with your immediate family, over possibly going into severe debt. I guarantee you that MOST of those families you see going on 'great' vacations are paying for them on credit, despite the double income.

 

A great exercise would be to write a list for that which you are thankful. That will show your blessings.

 

And, no, we don't have it all. But I choose (some days by the minute!) to store up my treasure in Heaven.

 

Your/his attitude is a choice. Comparing will.not.help.

 

(Just to let you know that I understand how both of you feel!)

 

:iagree:This. This. This. Being a SAHM and homeschooling are awesome luxuries. I have a college degree - I could conceivably be making about $60,000/year teaching. Then we could really have nice things. But I'd rather have time with my kids.

 

We live in an area where the average income is relatively high (just outside DC). The property values in our county went up 17% this past year because this area is still in high demand. There are gazillions of beautiful homes everywhere I go. I have to pass them whenever I go to church or to the grocery store. For years I looked wistfully at them as we drove by wishing, wishing, wishing that we could move out of our 1000sf rambler into something grand and lovely. Then I realized that most of those houses are filled with people who are working all the time and never see their kids. They are probably up to their ears in debt. Who knows what difficulties they face?

 

Lots and lots of people who have all those things also have a ton of debt, perhaps more than you'll ever know until or unless something happens to knock them off the tightwire they're walking. Less is more. Being truly happy with where you are instead of chasing dreams of possessions that are really meaningless may be a tough sell, but it's maybe one of the most important lessons in life to learn. Stuff is nothing.....

 

:iagree:Again - who knows what kind of debt those folks are swimming in.

 

My dh has worked two jobs since we've been married (24 1/2 years). He delivers mail all day - right now he's out in 30 degree weather driving around in the snow (and no, those postal vehicles do NOT have 4wd) - he also delivers in 90 degree temperatures with 90% humidity all summer long - ugh! Then he cleans three doctor's offices at night. He vacuums, cleans the bathrooms, takes out all the trash and occasionally has a huge mess to clean up depending on what took place that day. He gets home between 8-10pm every single night. Even when he's on "vacation" from the po, he still has to go in to clean each night. He still only makes about half of what the average income in our area is. Hopefully, your dh only has to work one job and can come home at dinner time each night.

 

My dh finally got his truck - a Ford Ranger. His dad died last year and left it to him. I'm sure he'd much rather have his dad. How many other folks who have nice things got them because someone they love died and left it to them? I drive a '96 Taurus that my nephew gave to me because I had been without a car for a year and he knew I needed it. Pretty humbling to have a 25 year old you used to babysit for and change his diapers take care of you - but I'm just thankful he's in a position now to do so.

 

When we were first married we were soooooo broke. I tried not to fret about it. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, said that all couples start out that way but by the time you're 40 or so you'll be doing much better financially. Hasn't happened. I'm 52 and we still struggle, but like I said - I get to stay home and be with my kids and they are the dearest people I know.

 

Life is about relationships - not things. It's amazing what you can live without and still be perfectly happy - maybe even more so than folks who's lives are centered around accumulating stuff and rushing here and there trying to live the "good life."

 

Ok, enough rambling. Like so many others have said - you can choose your attitude about life. The key is to be thankful for what you have and not compare. You are surely not considering everything when you compare. Btw, now's a really good time to be renting. I wish we had rented this house because then we could just pack up and leave - since we'd have to sell this one first, we're pretty much stuck here. The grass isn't always greener, kwim?

[Chris in VA]

We didn't buy our house until after we moved here (so about when we were very early 40's). Up until then, we rented. Dh had spent a significant amt of time in school (Ph.D), and we just never had any extra. I was able to work part-time and also take time off to be with the kiddos. We chose to spend our money on vacations (but nothing extravagant) and on me being home. Then he got a very good job here in VA--we were able to buy a home (we live in a Rectory) in the southeast part of VA. We still have crummy furniture (except our bedroom set, which we bought in Seminary with a small inheritance); we've never had "new cars," but about 4 years ago, we bought a van from the 2000's! lol

 

Anyway, not having read the other replies, I'd say you can do some overhauling of the budget you keep and get on track to be where he wants--but meanwhile, he needs to learn to be content with the things he has. Think of what you have that is intangible--you get to homeschool, right? I'm sure the other posters have made the point that many of his "friends" probably have wives that work.

[Chris in VA]

We rent. We won't be paying for kids' college fees beyond the first year.

Dh is 57 next month. I am 43.

We are happy. We do have 2 investment properties but real estate is not exactly booming.

However we live in such a way that we are not in debt (apart form the investment properties- and soon to be dd's college fees).

 

The difference with us is.....dh was a millionaire in his 20s and early 30s. He ran a publishing company and was very successful. Then he had an awakening one day, realised it wasnt what he really wanted to do with his life, gave the company to his staff, sold everything he had (actually he went bankrupt as well but thats another story) and hitch hiked around Australia with bare feet. I knew him before and after and we got together after- he had nothing. I had nothing. We started with nothing and bought a bombed out station wagon and travelled around Australia in it. When we settled down and had kids, we started with our camping gear. Everything we have built since then has been bit by bit, 2nd hand, while dh did what he discovered he was passionate about- remedial massage, then counselling and therapy.

He is still doign what he loves and I wouldnt have it any other way, adn he supports me to do the same....but we cant afford to buy a house to live in.

 

Money really, really doesnt make you happy. Doing what you love does.

 

Peela, I think you should consider writing a book about your life. I would read it!!:001_smile:

[Mejane]

We're 54 and still don't 'have it all'. As my dh likes to say (jokingly), "I'm worth more to you dead than alive". (referring to insurance policies and pensions and such) ;)

 

That's funny, my dh says the exact opposite. I think I make the man nervous. ;):D