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DH is leaving me

Guest mrsjamiesouth

By Guest mrsjamiesouth,
in General Education Discussion Board

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Guest mrsjamiesouth

Guest mrsjamiesouth

Posted
Posted

I don't know what to do really.

 

I do not want to involve my mom a whole lot as she is really controlling and I had a hard time breaking free several years ago. I don't want to go from a controlling husband back to being controlled by mom.

I have never worked. I don't have a degree. I homeschool. My dd2 has never been left with anybody, she screams in the church nursery when I have tried.

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JVA

JVA

Posted
Posted

I am so very sorry. Can you speak with your pastor? He would probably have a lot of compassion to offer and some advice about what to do next.

You're very brave to avoid a potential problem with your mom- I hope that she can respect you and your children during this time.

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JenC3

JenC3

Posted
Posted

Whoa!! HUGS first and get a lawyer this second. What do you mean he's leaving? Well then I guess he'll be paying. Get as much aid as you can fast and really call a lawyer now. There are sites online that will tell you to plug in your dh's income and find out how much he needs to pay you.

It's not so easy to JUST leave.

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kalanamak

kalanamak

Posted
Posted

I have never worked. I don't have a degree. I homeschool. My dd2 has never been left with anybody, she screams in the church nursery when I have tried.

 

Seek out the biggest, baddest attorney you can find. Stash any assets you have. You can always pull them out and split them later, but if he hides them they may be hard to find.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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SonshineLearner

SonshineLearner

Posted
Posted (edited)

Do you have a church body that will step in with you? This is the time to call on friends, if it's possible, and to have them share your burden. Even though you're in shock, probably, take care of the financial things straight away. Don't let him beat you to the $$$, if there's any. I'm not sure all the $$$ things to do, but I know that you need to put a lock down on that part straight away. If you want to reconcile, if possible, then talk to your pastor or councilor..... Praying that your husband will get a smack to the head (by God) and come to his senses... and... if it's best for him to leave... then... well... I pray that it will be as easy as possible for you.

I'm really sorry for you!! I know about being a single mama! BUT, I know that miracles with people's hearts can happen, too.

:( Sorry :(

 

 

Oops... as a follow up to the part below. Don't put anything online anywhere that you don't want read by him... Know that he could have been planning this for months... Call and make sure your mortgage is up to date... and your car payments and insurance... Take a breath... and kick some Tush!! :)

Edited by NayfiesMama
reading the part about stashing... YES, people who were planning to leave... sometimes have stashed secret accounts and every
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holdoll

holdoll

Posted
Posted

First of all, :grouphug: to you. I cannot even imagine the sadness and fear you must be experiencing.

 

Second, I pray he comes to his senses, runs back home and asks your forgiveness.

 

Third, to protect yourself, make an appointment with all the top divorce lawyers around. You don't have to hire them. The first free consultation will make them unavailable for your husband to hire them.

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Tylianna

Tylianna

Posted
Posted
:grouphug: and prayers

 

Definitely contact a lawyer, immediately. Your not having worked, particularly while married, can work in your favour in that you can get him for both child support and alimony.

 

 

:iagree:

Dh and I often joke that he would be dirt poor if we split up. With 3 kids to pay support and alimony for me.

 

:grouphug: for you through this hard time

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justamouse

justamouse

Posted
Posted

Ohhh how horrid! I can't even imagine the pain you feel right now.

 

 

Seek out the biggest, baddest attorney you can find. Stash any assets you have. You can always pull them out and split them later, but if he hides them they may be hard to find.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

*please* listen to kalanamak. get a lawyer.

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MBM

MBM

Posted
Posted

You might also want to see if your area has a support group for divorcing women, a group such as YWCA or a church group to help get you on your own two feet. They'd be helpful for support and advice.

 

I've heard you shouldn't move out of your house if you both own it. It might depend on your state's laws, though.

 

I'm so sorry. :grouphug:

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catalinakel

catalinakel

Posted
Posted
First of all, :grouphug: to you. I cannot even imagine the sadness and fear you must be experiencing.

 

Second, I pray he comes to his senses, runs back home and asks your forgiveness.

 

Third, to protect yourself, make an appointment with all the top divorce lawyers around. You don't have to hire them. The first free consultation will make them unavailable for your husband to hire them.

 

There is no such thing as a free consultation, at least not where I live. I just met with a lawyer this past week for divorce. My advice is to google legal aid in your area, and when you call, explain your situation and they will set you up with someone who will be able to work with you where you are at financially.

 

I babysit a child in my home four nights a week to help pay the bills.

You might look into that. I found the people on Craigslist.

 

It doesn't have to wreck you...but I imagine you are in shock. Try to spend time with people who love and support you. Cry out to God. All is not lost, and He is able to keep you.....:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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catalinakel

catalinakel

Posted
Posted
You might also want to see if your area has a support group for divorcing women, a group such as YWCA or a church group to help get you on your own two feet. They'd be helpful for support and advice.

 

I've heard you shouldn't move out of your house if you both own it. It might depend on your state's laws, though.

 

I'm so sorry. :grouphug:

 

I agree with this advice.

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Guest Cindie2dds

Guest Cindie2dds

Posted
Posted
I don't know what to do really.

 

I do not want to involve my mom a whole lot as she is really controlling and I had a hard time breaking free several years ago. I don't want to go from a controlling husband back to being controlled by mom.

I have never worked. I don't have a degree. I homeschool. My dd2 has never been left with anybody, she screams in the church nursery when I have tried.

 

Oh, wow, I am going to be praying for you tonight, sweet lady. I am so sorry. :grouphug: I wish I lived near you. :grouphug: Take care of yourself. I wish I had the right words for you now.

 

Jobwise ~ have you thought of medical transcription? Something like that where you can still stay at home and you don't need daycare; or does your church have anything you can do administratively for them at home. Just thinking out loud for you...

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Guest CarolineUK

Guest CarolineUK

Posted
Posted

So very sorry :grouphug:.

 

Just one thought, though you may totally disregard it if you don't think it appropriate, but I would seriously reconsider your decision not to turn to your mother. I had the most controlling mother imaginable, who criticised me and put me down my entire life (she has since passed away), and for that I find it hard to forgive her, but I must say, in a crisis she really pulled through for me. I know it's hard to think that you might end up relinquishing the precious independence you've worked to achieve, but you need support and your mother may well be able to provide that better than most. My mother waded in and saved me from a couple of tricky situations when I was in my twenties, and in the process we were able to work through some of our issues and renegotiate our relationship to some extent, although it was never perfect.

 

I know from the experience of a member of my extended family how devastating a relationship breakdown and subsequent divorce can be, even with the support of a close and supportive family, getting support must be one of your first priorities.

 

Take care of yourself.

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Guest mrsjamiesouth

Guest mrsjamiesouth

Posted
Posted

I really rather not go into details because I feel it would escalate the thread.

 

Thanks for all the good advice. I will look into a lawyer.

I will pray about what direction to take. Thank you so much for all your prayers.

I know the best thing is probably to suck it up and go home. My parents will take me in and pay for everything. I could stay until I get a degree or training to do something that would support me. After I am back on my own, I can move away.

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Carpe Diem

Carpe Diem

Posted
Posted

are feeling intense feelings of shock and fear and hurt. I am so sorry. :grouphug:

 

I think you have received some good advice. Keep your chin up. Find someone who has been there that you can talk to about this. With my breast cancer situation I found that the people who have been there have the best grasp of what I should be doing and are pushing me to make the next steps. I just freeze and don't know what to do next. Maybe that is how you are feeling. Know that we are praying for you but please find someone you can talk to in real life as well. You will be surprised at the outpouring of love that will come your way. Keep talking to us here, too. The people on this board are amazing and they have helped me more than they know.

 

Even though you are in shock you probably should just go talk to a lawyer. I thought they did do free initial consultations.

 

How far does your Mother live? Could she just come over to help babysit when you need for now? Maybe you shouldn't move out just yet. Ask a lawyer.

 

Sorry if this isn't helpful. Take care.

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freetobeme

freetobeme

Posted
Posted

:grouphug:

no good answers. i have been going through a version of this myself over the past couple of years. i agree with consulting an attorney because each states' laws are different. i was able to consult for free, so i hope you have that option.

also, i have had to set aside my differences with my mother in order to survive this crisis. it hasn't been easy, but i had to do it. not all issues in that regard are (or will ever be ;) ) resolved, but things have gone better than i expected.

:grouphug:

this is so hard and i am so sorry. believe me, i wish that no one should have to go through that pain.

:grouphug:

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newlifemom

newlifemom

Posted
Posted

 

Oops... as a follow up to the part below. Don't put anything online anywhere that you don't want read by him...

 

This. I have heard from some friends going through this and here to be really careful about what you say online. Kinda sad, but there it is. There are some great ladies here who have gone through a lot and you could probably pm them if you need to. :grouphug: Praying for you and your family.

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