Sensitive question; parents only please

[DKinTX]

My sister just called me VERY upset (understandably, as you will see) because she found her almost four year old son encouraging his newly turned 2 year old sister to "tickle" his pen*s. He was telling her "you have to tickle it to wake it up". My sister burst into the room and grabbed my niece away from my nephew and then asked him "did you tell her to touch your pen*s?" at first he said no, but then he admitted yes he did. So she put him on his bed and left the room very upset, at which point she called me.

 

I have four kids of my own, youngest is 10, but I have never dealt with this situation. Her fear is that someone is molesting him (it would have to be a family member, because he is not around anyone else). She said that kids who are abused act out sexually towards other children. She wouldn't be concerned if he was touching himself but the fact that he was telling his sister to do so and using terms like "tickle it" that makes her afraid someone has taught him that by doing it to him. She is going to talk to him of course when she has calmed down enough to face him calmly. But she asked me to ask you all here for advice or if this has ever happened to you or just your opinion whether you think it's normal child curiousity or something more sinister. Thanks so much for listening. My nephew is very precious to me (unfortunately I live in a different state) and I'm also upset by this.

[smrtmama]

No, the language the boy used sounds like language he has been prompted with in order to do the same to someone else. I would absolutely move forward with professional/law enforcement involvement.

[Heatherwith4]

:grouphug: I have no experience with this situation...but this seems like a big indicator that someone has abused him... :( I'm so sorry!

[Mom2J112903]

No, the language the boy used sounds like language he has been prompted with in order to do the same to someone else. I would absolutely move forward with professional/law enforcement involvement.

 

 

:iagree:

[GWOB]

No, the language the boy used sounds like language he has been prompted with in order to do the same to someone else. I would absolutely move forward with professional/law enforcement involvement.

 

:iagree: Children who have never been violated usually experiment with themselves, rarely others. I would be very concerned and address the situation with professionals immediately.

[NanceXToo]

OK well my gut reaction is that he's only three...not even four yet. He's very young.

 

I would THINK that he probably just discovered that touching his privates feels nice and wanted to share this joy with someone else lol. Who happened to be his sister.

 

I would not necessarily think this was a sign of molestation unless there are other signs pointing to something like that.

 

Of course, it is not appropriate for him to do this- but it's also unreasonable to expect that at his age he would KNOW this.

 

I don't think he should be punished for it- more talked to gently about issues of privacy and how no-one should touch your privates other than mommy/daddy/doctor kind of thing... and there are MANY books for preschoolers and toddlers along these lines if she is uncomfortable formulating the thoughts on her own (and even if she isn't, books can help reinforce both the normalcy and the appropriate behaviors pertaining to a young child's body). (It would also broach the issue of "you should tell if someone does something to you" so that if he really WERE being molested, that would occur to him. But I wouldn't jump to that conclusion so quickly!)

 

Sitting the little boy on his bed as a punishment and leaving very upset is not really the best way to handle it, I don't think, she might be giving him a bad body image because her mind is going in a direction that HIS isn't, at his age. She needs to talk to him calmly, apologize for getting upset, and then explain why she got upset... all in a gentle way.

 

ETA: Okay well I see by the previous responses that were given while I was typing this disagree... you guys have to go with your gut, of course! But I'd tread carefully with putting that kind of thought into his head in case it isn't the case... just talk to him and see how it goes/where it leads, I guess. Of course, I hope that isn't the case!!

 

P.S. Interesting article here, you might want to check out:

 

http://www.suite101.com/content/behaviors-in-preschoolers-that-are-related-to-sex-and-sexuality-a258746

Edited October 26, 2010 by NanceXToo

[Miss Sherry]

I think she should take him to the pediatrician so the pediatrician can discuss this with her and the child. She should not talk about this to the other medical personnel to avoid getting erroneous advice. Just talk to the Dr. She will probably be told it is just curiosity. But the pediatrician will know how to approach it. From the little bit you have said it doesn't sound like abuse to me. But because she is so upset I think she needs to see the pediatrician so someone can help her to handle this properly. If there is more to this than what she has told you or than what she knows the Dr may find out something and the Dr is a trained professional.

Edited October 26, 2010 by Miss Sherry

[jujsky]

I'd be very concerned. I think all little boys play with themselves to a certain extent, but asking his sister to do it and using the words he used is a huge, red flag. She needs to talk to her son. In fact, it might not be a bad idea if she called her pediatrician and asked for advice.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

While it may indicate some kind of abuse, it may not. My sons think their penises are hilarious toys, and are always trying to out do each other with the "cool" things their penises can do. It takes a lot of effort on my part to get them to realize that penises are private and we don't talk about them with anyone other than our parents or the doctor. He may just be experimenting and showing it to his sister. I'm sure he uses the words tickle and wake up in different contexts. I'd be more worried if he were using different words. Just to ease her mind, though, I would maybe talk to the pediatrician about it.

[danivdp]

I don't think it's molestation. I caught my DS laughed about his younger sister touching him and he was even older (6yo.) I told him it wasn't appropriate, and he hasn't done it since. (This is the kid that doesn't listen to anything else I tell him to do, LOL.) It happened after bath time, and I was careful not to let him be naked near her since then.

 

I was freaked out at first as well. I think if I had a penis and I figured out what a boner was I'd probably be showing off what my thing could do too, ROTFL!!! After I was calm and talked to DH (discussing the possibility of molestation as well) we decided that probably wasn't happening. DS is 8yo now, and nothing like that has happened since that one time.

[abbeyej]

Gosh. To me it just doesn't sound like that big a deal. I mean it *might* be, but my initial reaction is that he's a toddler who just figured out something "cool" about his body. I would NOT leap to the conclusion that he has been abused, and I would try NOT to make the child feel that he was "in trouble" or was being punished for the event.

 

Yes, I'd absolutely talk gently to him about how it's inappropriate to touch other people's private parts or ask other people to touch ours. That the only time that's done is if Mommy or Daddy is helping a child to wash, or if a parent or doctor is checking for an injury, etc. And in this very gentle conversation, I would ask if anyone had ever asked him to touch their private parts or asked to touch his. But I would NOT ASSUME that it has happened or that this is a CRISIS.

 

Try to get more information. VERY GENTLY.

 

I would not *rush* him to a doctor, 'cause that will be *absolutely* making a big deal out of something that may well *NOT* be.

 

The word "tickle" seems like a perfectly reasonable word for a 3-4yo to use to me. Why not? Young boys frequently play with themselves, and they discover that it does some rather strange and sometimes entertaining things. *That* part is perfectly natural. And while it's inappropriate for him to ask his sister to join in the play, it's not really *shocking* that he might do that once. Time to gently re-direct. And gently point out that that isn't something we do and ask where the idea came from.

 

But unless there are other reasons for concern (and perhaps there are), don't *leap* to this being a Big Deal -- otherwise you'll certainly *make* it one...

[Gooblink]

I'd be very concerned. I think all little boys play with themselves to a certain extent, but asking his sister to do it and using the words he used is a huge, red flag. She needs to talk to her son. In fact, it might not be a bad idea if she called her pediatrician and asked for advice.

 

:iagree: I have 2 boys and the language he used doesn't sound like something a 4 year-old would say unless he heard it from someone else.

 

:grouphug: I would encourage your sister to seek professional advice, but to not punish her son or make him feel ashamed.

[....]

Alright, thank goodness this is an anonymous forum...:glare:

 

I have a 7 yro Dude. When he was about 3 or 4, I actually took him to the pediatrician because he would not stop...well, you know. It actually got infected. The doctor couldn't stop chuckling at how appalled I was. He said that this was pretty normal for boys. He said my son had an infection (I can't remember what it was - like a sore or something or it was red? this was a few years ago It was something that caused me to take him to the dr) because preschoolers are not the cleanest people in the world. They touch a lot stuff they're not supposed to touch and then, wa-la...let's touch that too. :glare:

 

Having retold that horrifying memory (now I'll have to close out my account here and change my name)... I would need some serious cause to invite social services into my life. My kids are with me 24 hours a day and they are never in a situation where they would be vulnerable to anyone.

 

This behavior stopped within a few months...so, weird developmental stage in boys maybe?? Maybe it's a preschool boy thing...

 

When I worked at a preschool, my boss told me that one day...she was getting some stuff out of their cabinets, she turned around and half the class had ahem...removed their pants.

[LibraryLover]

I would certainly not jump to the molestation conclusion with a child this age. Little kids are curious and they do sometimes look at each other and touch each other. Siblings close in age might very well giggle over body parts and what they do. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours"...that's classic little kid. Ask a preschool teacher if kids talk about and look at body parts when they are using the potty. Preschool teachers know that children are very curious about each other.

 

Of course, I do not know your sister's history. Does she suspect someone in particular? Has your sister been molested by a family member?

Edited October 26, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Nestof3]

I disagree. This sounds totally like a boy thing. I have three boys, and I can assure you that they are very curious when they are little. I cannot believe how quick people are to blame molestation.

 

 

No, the language the boy used sounds like language he has been prompted with in order to do the same to someone else. I would absolutely move forward with professional/law enforcement involvement.

 

:grouphug: I have no experience with this situation...but this seems like a big indicator that someone has abused him... :( I'm so sorry!

 

:iagree:

 

:iagree: Children who have never been violated usually experiment with themselves, rarely others. I would be very concerned and address the situation with professionals immediately.

[LibraryLover]

A little child would not use the word tickle? What language? I am not saying he's not been molested...but this could natural curiosity! Tred very carefully before turning a child's world upside down.

 

 

:iagree: I have 2 boys and the language he used doesn't sound like something a 4 year-old would say unless he heard it from someone else.

 

:grouphug: I would encourage your sister to seek professional advice, but to not punish her son or make him feel ashamed.

[LibraryLover]

Exactly. Children touch themselves. Children are curisou about other children. This might be all perfectly innocent.

 

Alright, thank goodness this is an anonymous forum...:glare:

 

I have a 7 yro Dude. When he was about 3 or 4, I actually took him to the pediatrician because he would not stop...well, you know. It actually got infected. The doctor couldn't stop chuckling at how appalled I was. He said that this was pretty normal for boys. He said my son had an infection (I can't remember what it was - like a sore or something or it was red? this was a few years ago It was something that caused me to take him to the dr) because preschoolers are not the cleanest people in the world. They touch a lot stuff they're not supposed to touch and then, wa-la...let's touch that too. :glare:

 

Having retold that horrifying memory (now I'll have to close out my account here and change my name)... I would need some serious cause to invite social services into my life. My kids are with me 24 hours a day and they are never in a situation where they would be vulnerable to anyone.

 

This behavior stopped within a few months...so, weird developmental stage in boys maybe?? Maybe it's a preschool boy thing...

 

When I worked at a preschool, my boss told me that one day...she was getting some stuff out of their cabinets, she turned around and half the class had ahem...removed their pants.

[greensummervillian]

This doesn't sound all that surprising to me. I guess it could be a sign of molestation, but I suspect intersibling "exploring" before the age of 4 or 5 is more common that people like to admit. I would stop him, but I wouldn't freak out about it.

[Catherine]

But I do think she should carefully "inventory" people he spends time with to determine if there is a candidate, and if so, how she should monitor the situation.

 

I have three boys who definitely considered their penises playthings (in fact, anyone else think that *men* still consider them playthings??) so it's not hard for me to imagine this happening in a totally innocent way.

[Unicorn.]

Gosh. To me it just doesn't sound like that big a deal. I mean it *might* be, but my initial reaction is that he's a toddler who just figured out something "cool" about his body. I would NOT leap to the conclusion that he has been abused, and I would try NOT to make the child feel that he was "in trouble" or was being punished for the event.

 

Yes, I'd absolutely talk gently to him about how it's inappropriate to touch other people's private parts or ask other people to touch ours. That the only time that's done is if Mommy or Daddy is helping a child to wash, or if a parent or doctor is checking for an injury, etc. And in this very gentle conversation, I would ask if anyone had ever asked him to touch their private parts or asked to touch his. But I would NOT ASSUME that it has happened or that this is a CRISIS.

 

Try to get more information. VERY GENTLY.

 

I would not *rush* him to a doctor, 'cause that will be *absolutely* making a big deal out of something that may well *NOT* be.

 

The word "tickle" seems like a perfectly reasonable word for a 3-4yo to use to me. Why not? Young boys frequently play with themselves, and they discover that it does some rather strange and sometimes entertaining things. *That* part is perfectly natural. And while it's inappropriate for him to ask his sister to join in the play, it's not really *shocking* that he might do that once. Time to gently re-direct. And gently point out that that isn't something we do and ask where the idea came from.

 

But unless there are other reasons for concern (and perhaps there are), don't *leap* to this being a Big Deal -- otherwise you'll certainly *make* it one...

 

:iagree: It sounds like he thought it was funny, and wanted to share his new discovery.

[Tidbits of Learning]

My 3 yr old has used the word tickle in reference to his private parts before as well. He says it tickles when going over a big hill in the car. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he has been molested.

I would simply ask him why he did it and go from there with no leading prompts.

[simka2]

Sounds normal to me and I have 3 boys! But I would be racking my brain on anybody he has been alone with and any gut feelings I may have ignored.

 

I would be very careful about blowing this up. I was molested at that age, and had no working memory of it till around 16. I asked my mom about it, and she calmly confirmed what happened and al the steps she had taken to make sure it never happened again.

 

I am fine :D, I had no concept of right or wrong and therefore felt nothing about it.

[my2boysteacher]

I think she should use this as a jumping off point to have a discussion with her son. She should tell him that private parts are private and no one except parents or the doctor should touch them. Make sure to emphasize that if anyone else touches him, he needs to tell mommy right away.

Hopefully, if someone had touched him inappropriately, he would then admit it to her.

I would never make a child feel bad or punish them for exploring their own bodies, just make it known it has to be done in private, alone.

[KidsHappen]

This sounds like perfectly normal behavior for a child of either gender at that age. We used to call it playing doctor and it went on well past the age of 3 or 4. Every person in my age group who I have ever talked to on the matter has memories of such play. I think some reading on children's sexual developement might be in order and then when you feel like you have a fairly good grasp of what is normal, then perhaps some reading of signs of sexual abuse. Is the children displaying any other signs. Regression in behavior? Fear? Nightmares? Knowledge beyond his years? Only after the parent has is fairly comfortable on all of this behavior would I recommend a gentle talk about appropriate behavior and strictly objective open ended questions regarding such things. At no time should the child be traumatized, punished, threatened or otherwise alarmed because that would increase the natural tendency to hide something if it were going on out of fear of the consequences as well as for a victim to blame themselves even more than they otherwise would. The child needs to feel that they can trust their parent, that they can talk to them about anything, that they will not get in trouble for telling the truth, that sexual feelings in children are perfectly natural, that there is nothing wrong with him or these kinds of feelings and that the parent will remain calm and protect them if the need be and gently guide them in the appropriate behavior if that is all that is called for.

[simka2]

My 3 yr old has used the word tickle in reference to his private parts before as well. He says it tickles when going over a big hill in the car. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he has been molested.

I would simply ask him why he did it and go from there with no leading prompts.

 

Yup! My kids will all say "It tickled my pee pee!" I have worked hard on teaching them "I lost my stomach!" :D

[Tidbits of Learning]

Yup! My kids will all say "It tickled my pee pee!" I have worked hard on teaching them "I lost my stomach!" :D

 

That is his exact words except we use the term wee wee.

[LibraryLover]

I disagree. This sounds totally like a boy thing. I have three boys, and I can assure you that they are very curious when they are little. I cannot believe how quick people are to blame molestation.

 

 

I agree. People are losing sight of what can be perfectly normal childhood behavior.

 

So much normal kid behavior is now a disorder. A little kid touches his penis and talks about the amazing changes it can undergo (and it is a pretty freaking amazing discovery) and it's molestation.

 

Even if the child is being molested, freaking out in front of them is potentially scarring.

[justamouse]

While it may indicate some kind of abuse, it may not. My sons think their penises are hilarious toys, and are always trying to out do each other with the "cool" things their penises can do. It takes a lot of effort on my part to get them to realize that penises are private and we don't talk about them with anyone other than our parents or the doctor. He may just be experimenting and showing it to his sister. I'm sure he uses the words tickle and wake up in different contexts. I'd be more worried if he were using different words. Just to ease her mind, though, I would maybe talk to the pediatrician about it.

 

:iagree:

 

 

I can see smrtmama's point, with the tickle it and wake it up, but I would be extremely hesitant to automatically think it were molestation.

 

First, is the child away from her for long periods of time? Is there a window where the molestation could even occur? I knew when my guys were little that they were with me all the time. I would ask in a few days, nonchalantly, no pressure, anger, fear.

 

second, I'll share my own story. Having grown up in a very fundamental household, and being oblivious to my brother at that stage of his life, when MY son started playing with himself incessantly I went to my pastor's wife, terrified, ashamed, feeling guilty, all of that. She laughed and shared some stories about her boys. They have the most glorious toy, and it's attached!!! they can play with it any time they want, it does all these awesome tricks and it makes them feel wonderful. This is all wrapped up in the saying, "boys will be boys."

 

Now, if only girls were taught the same joyful abandon. But that's a rant for another day.

Edited October 26, 2010 by justamouse

[elfgivas]

:grouphug: what a tough thing. its hard to know over email. but

 

things to think about.

 

a) from her reaction, he now knows that it wasn't appropriate. she needs to have the 'private parts' discussion with him calmly and clearly and soon, and mention that every parent has this discussion with their children, and maybe even apologize to him for not having had it sooner so that he would have known. then reiterate that he is not to involve his sister or anyone else. :grouphug:

 

b) follow by a discussion on good secrets (christmas presents, surprise outings, etc) and bad secrets (if someone ever tells you not to tell then those are the things you need to tell is a good definition at that age). and then wait and hope he chooses to tell any bad secrets he may have (and simultaneously hope he doesn't have any!)

 

c) you've had some good advice about looking at the older children and adults he is alone with, and monitoring the situation. closely.

 

d) most professionals are mandatory reporters, which can open an incredibly awful can of worms. so the balance must always be what is helpful to the child vs. what is needful for the child. there are lots of professionals who handle this very badly. once it is reported, then it all gets just awful, for a very long time, and often does more harm than good. it shouldn't be that way, but it is.

 

e) in the meantime, i'd keep the little sister near me all the time. allllll the time...

 

:grouphug:

ann

[DianeW88]

Not at all uncommon for kids of that age. Not at all uncommon for them to touch each other or want other little kids to touch them. Can't tell you how many moms would ask this in the peds office I worked in. Generally, children who are abused sexually will exhibit many more disturbing signs and behaviors....bedwetting, when it never happened before, very unusual sexual requests (*ral sex), soiling themselves, crying jags, etc.) Normally curious toddlers and preschoolers just know it feels good to play with their private parts. And, little boys are especially entertained by everything that one particular part can do. :glare: If your sister has reason to suspect abuse, that might be a different story, but right now, instruct her to NOT MAKE A BIG DEAL out of this. Anymore than she already has....and IMHO, she's made too big a deal out of it and shamed her son in the process. Whether it is natural curiousity or abuse, the child should never be made to feel shameful about it.

[Pamela H in Texas]

It sounds like curiosity to me. I would guess that mom's reaction scared, worried, and upset him though. Poor kid. I would, of course, do all the normal preschool discussion and see if maybe there had been anything; but generally, I think the kid just thought it was neat so wanted to show sister also. Some kids are much more into sharing than others.

[freethinkermama]

When my littlest was a new four, I remember him having a bath with his little sister and telling her to "kiss my peepee." He was standing up and laughing, watching the water sluice off of his penis when he stood up in the tub.

 

I can assure you (as closely as it is possible to assure someone of that) that he's never had anyone say that to him.

 

I just told him we didn't do that, and our parts were private, and we don't tell other people to touch or kiss them or touch or kiss other peoples private parts.

 

It doesn't strike me as that big a deal, but . . . if you want to keep any eye out for issues, cool. Just don't let yourself be horrified or ashamed. It could be, and is likely, normal.

[Lolly]

I don't think it is any reason to panic. Sounds like it could very easily be perfectly innocent. It is definitely time to have a talk about private parts and who should/shouldn't touch. It should be done very carefully because there is a chance that he has picked this up from being asked to "tickle" someone else. I would probably even casually ask if he has.

[cindergretta]

Without any other red flags, I'd guess this is normal toddler exploration and playing. Like many others here have said, it sounds like it is time for a calm and rational discussion about privacy and body parts.

 

I can't remember who posted it, but one of these posts kind of went through a check-list. I liked that. Inventory the people he is around. Think about any potential "dangers" with any of them. Look for nightmares, odd bed-wetting, crying, out - of - control anger (with no apparent reason,) unusual fearfulness that hasn't been around before, other, more "explicit" sexual overtures, etc.

[GWOB]

I understand certain things are normal. My son was and still is obsessed with his member. He stuck that thing in all kinds of weird places. My dd3 often has her hands down her pants. However, none of my kids has ever asked their sibling to do anything to their privates.

 

The language used concerns me. Involving a sibling concerns me. You'd better believe I would be having a serious discussion with my kid about that, asking all sorts of questions. Perhaps that is hyper-vigilant, but I'd much rather err on the side of over-protective than dismiss potential warning signs as normal. I've seen kids displaying warnings signs, only to have them dismissed by parents. Many, many times, these kids had been molested.

[danivdp]

I wanted to add, there is no way I'd EVER discuss possible molestation with any kind of doctor or nurse for advice. Unless I was VERY sure it was happening and I need "I'm pretty sure this has happened to my kid" kind of advice.

 

The exams and questioning of children that have been/possibly been molested I hear are very comprehensive. Nothing I would voluntarily have my child(ren) go thru unless I was very sure there was a reason for it.

[mykdsmomy]

This certainly doesn't have to be a molestation symptom. It is very normal behavior for preschoolers (and even a little older).

 

My ds6 still uses his as a "sword" sometimes :glare:

 

However, if your sister has suspicions based on more/other evidence, then she can start to investigate ....but like others have said, now is a great time to teach/talk about appropriate/inappropriate touch.

[Miss Sherry]

 

I would not *rush* him to a doctor, 'cause that will be *absolutely* making a big deal out of something that may well *NOT* be.

 

Going to a Dr does not equal making a big deal out of something unless the parent makes going to the Dr a big deal. One good reason to go to a Dr is so the Dr can assure the parent,who was described as being upset about this, that it is likely childish curiosity. The Dr is not going to over react. The Dr can give the parent, if they are over reacting, a balanced sensible perspective.

[Mama2Many4]

I have 2 boys ages 7 and 5 and a 2 year old daughter as well. Neither one has EVER asked their sister to touch or even LOOK at their penis. I do have a strange gut feeling that he was molested by someone. It's not an uncommon thing. I myself was molested at 14 by someone my family knew very well. The fact that he told her "you have to tickle it to wake it up" sounds to me like the words someone has def said to him in order to fascinate him enough to do it to them. I would have a talk with him and ask first and foremost if he has ever been asked by anyone else to "tickle" theirs. Then proceed with the conversation with him from there. My DH and I had this discussion with our boys as soon as they could talk about it and understand. They've known for a long time that our private parts are just that, private.

[lionfamily1999]

She is going to talk to him of course when she has calmed down enough to face him calmly. But she asked me to ask you all here for advice or if this has ever happened to you or just your opinion whether you think it's normal child curiousity or something more sinister. Thanks so much for listening. My nephew is very precious to me (unfortunately I live in a different state) and I'm also upset by this.

I would ask him where he learned such a silly thing. As far as worrying about him being a victim, that would wait until his answer. There is a chance that this is something he came up with on his own, it is possible that he figured out that tickling himself (it is a pleasant feeling that could be confused with the feeling you get when tickled) makes it stand up.

 

From there, I would gently explain that we don't share our private parts with other people and that it was wrong for him to show his private part to his sister and very wrong for him to ask her to touch it.

 

I would go very very very gently into this sort of conversation. You don't want to make him feel like the worst kid ever and you don't want to expose him to bigger truths than are necessary. There is a chance this had nothing to do with anyone else and he was curious.

[snipsnsnailsx5]

As a mom of five boys ages 11 through almost 2 - I have seen a lot!

I grew up the oldest of three, with a younger sister and a much younger brother.

 

I was NOT familiar with boys or how boys work.

 

You can imagine it horrified me when things started to come up with private matters such as "little boys and their toys". Quite often I thought something was wrong with my child(ren). lol

 

Some of my boys weren't, uh "open" as much to share about their penis and show others. Then I have one who's VERY open about it. In fact sometimes I think he's TOO open about it. I have even panicked about the thought of abuse too. However we don't have babysitters for our boys, and if we do its family members - even that is very rare. Unless it was happening at school before we took him out to homeschool...

His 2nd grade teacher even went as far as to accuse him of sexual harassment because of his obsession with breasts. I breastfed all of my boys, but with my last son - my 2nd grader (at that time) was old enough to be curious. He went to school and drew breasts sometimes on stick figures. Then he talked to little girls about "boobs". According to the teacher, it was his talking about breasts (thinking it was a funny subject I guess?) that was sexual harassment.

I took him out of school after the final incident happened when he told a little girl who he was playing with that they were playing house, and he wanted to get married and sleep with her.

I DOUBT he knows the adult meaning of "sleeping with someone" means. How could he? Its not something I use in my vocab? We are careful about what he watches on TV. More then likely, it was him thinking of how adults who are married literally sleep together. Anyway, the other parent was extremely upset.

I was Beyond done with it all. Everyone had formed their opinions of him, and anything he did was going to be considered sexual harassment.

 

Maybe its genetic though. lol Apparently a teacher told my mother when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade that I was abnormally obsessed with boys and was too "sexual". I chased them constantly at recess and tried to kiss them. When I was younger, my mom caught me and a little boy who was my friend playing "doctor" naked in my room. Another time, about first grade a boy who was my friend saw two dogs humping and said that would be us one day (LOL) and yet another time, about 3rd grade, a boy tried to show me his penis and then a different day tried to play "mommy and daddy".

 

Wow long post...totally on my soapbox. lol

 

What I do know though is that a 4 yr old asking another child to tickle his penis is not a major red flag. The age is one where curiosity with one's body really starts. "Tickle" is TOTALLY normal 4 yr old language. Several of my boys have said before that something tickles their tummy or tickles their pee pee (like when they go on a roller coaster...etc)

[lionfamily1999]

Going to a Dr does not equal making a big deal out of something unless the parent makes going to the Dr a big deal. One good reason to go to a Dr is so the Dr can assure the parent,who was described as being upset about this, that it is likely childish curiosity. The Dr is not going to over react. The Dr can give the parent, if they are over reacting, a balanced sensible perspective.

It can be a big deal, especially if the doctor feels like it's time to do their mandatory reporting.

[Trish]

Alright, thank goodness this is an anonymous forum...:glare:

 

I have a 7 yro Dude. When he was about 3 or 4, I actually took him to the pediatrician because he would not stop...well, you know. It actually got infected. The doctor couldn't stop chuckling at how appalled I was. He said that this was pretty normal for boys. He said my son had an infection (I can't remember what it was - like a sore or something or it was red? this was a few years ago It was something that caused me to take him to the dr) because preschoolers are not the cleanest people in the world. They touch a lot stuff they're not supposed to touch and then, wa-la...let's touch that too. :glare:

 

Having retold that horrifying memory (now I'll have to close out my account here and change my name)... I would need some serious cause to invite social services into my life. My kids are with me 24 hours a day and they are never in a situation where they would be vulnerable to anyone.

 

This behavior stopped within a few months...so, weird developmental stage in boys maybe?? Maybe it's a preschool boy thing...

 

When I worked at a preschool, my boss told me that one day...she was getting some stuff out of their cabinets, she turned around and half the class had ahem...removed their pants.

 

My sister-in-law was big on overalls for her son at this age, and for that reason. No need to change your account, I think they all do it! I don't think the OP should rush to judgment here, because then that immediately brings up the suspicion of who DOES have access to him, and you sort of need 'suspects' if you think something's going on when it may very well be all innocent.

 

Maybe just ask him?

[CAMom]

I'm with those who think there's possibly an over reaction here.:grouphug:

 

It sounds like totally normal preschooler exploration to me and I would not mention it to a mandatory reporter without something more concrete.

 

Since they don't understand it's a "private" part, why would they even think it wouldn't be as acceptable to have someone touch say their finger? Especially if she hasn't already had a "private parts" talk with him.:confused:

 

Also, to me, "tickle" and "wake it up" are logical and accurate words for a child of that age to come up with.

[freethinkermama]

As a mom of five boys ages 11 through almost 2 - I have seen a lot!

I grew up the oldest of three, with a younger sister and a much younger brother.

 

I was NOT familiar with boys or how boys work.

 

You can imagine it horrified me when things started to come up with private matters such as "little boys and their toys". Quite often I thought something was wrong with my child(ren). lol

 

Some of my boys weren't, uh "open" as much to share about their penis and show others. Then I have one who's VERY open about it. In fact sometimes I think he's TOO open about it. I have even panicked about the thought of abuse too. However we don't have babysitters for our boys, and if we do its family members - even that is very rare. Unless it was happening at school before we took him out to homeschool...

His 2nd grade teacher even went as far as to accuse him of sexual harassment because of his obsession with breasts. I breastfed all of my boys, but with my last son - my 2nd grader (at that time) was old enough to be curious. He went to school and drew breasts sometimes on stick figures. Then he talked to little girls about "boobs". According to the teacher, it was his talking about breasts (thinking it was a funny subject I guess?) that was sexual harassment.

I took him out of school after the final incident happened when he told a little girl who he was playing with that they were playing house, and he wanted to get married and sleep with her.

I DOUBT he knows the adult meaning of "sleeping with someone" means. How could he? Its not something I use in my vocab? We are careful about what he watches on TV. More then likely, it was him thinking of how adults who are married literally sleep together. Anyway, the other parent was extremely upset.

I was Beyond done with it all. Everyone had formed their opinions of him, and anything he did was going to be considered sexual harassment.

 

Maybe its genetic though. lol Apparently a teacher told my mother when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade that I was abnormally obsessed with boys and was too "sexual". I chased them constantly at recess and tried to kiss them. When I was younger, my mom caught me and a little boy who was my friend playing "doctor" naked in my room. Another time, about first grade a boy who was my friend saw two dogs humping and said that would be us one day (LOL) and yet another time, about 3rd grade, a boy tried to show me his penis and then a different day tried to play "mommy and daddy".

 

Wow long post...totally on my soapbox. lol

 

What I do know though is that a 4 yr old asking another child to tickle his penis is not a major red flag. The age is one where curiosity with one's body really starts. "Tickle" is TOTALLY normal 4 yr old language. Several of my boys have said before that something tickles their tummy or tickles their pee pee (like when they go on a roller coaster...etc)

 

:)

 

My daughter was fascinated with breasts for the longest time. She tried to draw pictures for her children's music instructor (DD was 6). We were doing a series on African music. Daughter got some National Geographics and saw women going bare breasted, and assumed that's what all African women did. She drew many MANY pictures of topless women to give to her instructor before I told her that most women in Africa wear tops, and that she might want to draw some other types of pictures. (Also, the music instructor was male. Imagine! I did tell him about that, and he laughed loudly and with good humor.)

[Heatherwith4]

OK, so maybe I overreacted? My boys haven't said anything like that, but that doesn't mean anything. They do think their penises are hilarious though. ;)

I definitely would not punish the child or make a huge scene about it...but I would consider if he's been with someone who could have done something to him.

[Miss Sherry]

It can be a big deal, especially if the doctor feels like it's time to do their mandatory reporting.

A pediatrician knows the difference between normal curiosity and molestation. If the Dr reports what happened it WOULD be based on more than what has been said here.

I would not personally take a child of mine to a Dr based on what was said here. I would discuss appropriate touch etc. and ask questions. But it sounds to me like since this Mom is upset that she is already over reacting. A 3 year old should not be treated like a molester. A pediatrician may be who she needs to hear that things are OK so she calms down. If there is more to the story than what has been told here there may need to be a visit to a Pediatrician to sort it all out.

[Mejane]

Children who have never been violated usually experiment with themselves, rarely others. I would be very concerned and address the situation with professionals immediately.

 

References, please. To my knowlege, this is exactly what small children do.

 

Also, for those moms who swear their kids have never looked at or even been curious about their sibs or friends... my son told me just last year that he and a couple of the neighborhood boys had checked out each other's p*nises once five years earlier. I had no idea. My daughter was four or five when we found her in her room playing doctor with the little neighbor boy. It happens. Not saying one shouldn't keep an eye open, but don't blow it up out of proportion.

Edited October 26, 2010 by Mejane

[6packofun]

I'm not certain, but wouldn't a pediatrician probably be obligated to report this information to child protective services for investigation? If this IS innocent, that is NOT something the family needs right now, especially with so little information. And trust me, reports are made all the time on less info.

 

Just my opinion, but I think the mom first needs to isolate her son so that she can talk to him and find out where he is getting that kind of language--from someone else or his own child-like terms to describe what he's discovered about his own body. THEN she can bring in professionals with the information she has, if needed.

[freethinkermama]

References, please. To my knowlege, this is exactly what small children do.

 

Also, for those moms who swear their kids have never looked at or even been curious about their sibs or friends... my son told me just last year that he and a couple of the neighborhood boys had checked out each other's p*nises once five years earlier. I had no idea. My daughter was four or five when we found her in her room playing doctor with the little neighbor boy. It happens. Not saying one shouldn't keep an eye open, but don't blow it up out of proportion.

 

Right. Isn't that what "playing doctor" is?