I don't like going to church.

[shinyhappypeople]

(a small vent)

 

The pastor is very nice. The people are nice. The children's program is fantastic (which is why I keep going).

 

But. But. But.... ugh.

 

I just feel lost and sad while I'm there and weary when I leave. Seriously, do we really need *another* sermon which has as it's take-away, "try harder, do more." In my experience, smaller congregations aren't necessarily any better or different in terms of this pressure. So, shopping for a new congregation seems more trouble than it's worth.

 

The pastor's intentions are good. I don't question his motivations. This isn't a Pastor X bash *at all.* I like him. I just don't like going to his church.

 

I miss how things were when I *didn't* go to church. I had so much more peace and a much simpler relationship with God. Now everything feels complicated and, well, like *work.*

 

My kids love-love-love-love the children's program, so I have no plans to totally cut ties with institutional church at the moment. Maybe I'll start dropping them off there and then sit on one of the very comfy lobby sofas and read a book while they're in their class. Who knows...

 

I think I'm done venting. Thanks for listening.

[Mary in VA]

:grouphug::grouphug: That's a real hard place to be. I think you need to evaluate if it's the church or is it you. I was in a similar place with one aspect of my church's service and got into a habit of grumbling about it. I would go into the service expecting to be annoyed about this and of course then I would be. It would destract me from worshipping. Then about a month ago I was convicted during a Bible study I'm in (not at my church) that my heart was in the wrong place. We go to church to worship God. It's about Him and NOT ABOUT ME! That really hit me hard. I started praying about having my heart in the right place before going to church and focusing on the Lord. It's only been a short time, but I can tell the difference already.

 

But saying all that, we also hope to be taught and encouraged while we are at church. If the teaching is not Biblical or if it is all on one aspect of God's teaching and doesn't cover other aspects, then maybe it's time to find another church home.

 

I would encourage you to try to figure it out which it is :grouphug: Pray for guidance. I know I need my church to help me walk through each week the way the Lord wants me to. Hang in there! We all go through dry times, but the Lord will help you through!

 

ETA: If it is the wrong church your kids will survive a switch to the right one. It looks like your kids are fairly young. There may be unhappiness for a while, but you ALL need to be in the right church.

 

Hope this helps,

Mary

Edited October 17, 2010 by Mary in VA

[bettyandbob]

I've become unsatisfied with church for different reasons than you. I believe will go back in the future. But for now, I do a 6 mile walk with my local running club, then take the kids to Sunday School. I wait there usually with a friend. I was almost going to drop Sunday School for one of my kids too, but he moved up a grade this year and the teacher in the new grade asked about him--I explained the previous years we'd had some problems relating to his disabilities and the teacher told me she definitely wanted him. It was wonderful to feel welcomed by her and Sunday School is going well so far for him. If I'm asked I will help out with Sunday School activities, but in general I need a break and I need to keep my distance. Besides things with my ds, other icky things went on and I was feeling drained by church. I can sort of get away with no one noticing what I'm doing because my church big enough that no one really notices we showed up as the services ended. And Sunday School is between services so some families arrive for Sunday School stay for the later service. Otherwise, I think what I'm doing might look a bit odd.

 

I think you need to do what you need spiritually now. You can't let an institution drain your soul. Christianity isn't the institution.

[fairytalemama]

I hear you. We attend a very small church (attendance is less than 70 each week) and in our case both my husband and I got burned out. We were the "young people" so we were expected to do all the work. That got very old after several years of being officers in the congregation and chairing committees so we're both currently on a break. He has no leadership role in the congregation and I teach Sunday School on a rotating basis once every five weeks. The children's program is very small too (less than 10 kids in Sunday School each week), but my daughter has two friends there so she wants to go to church.

 

We didn't go this week because we were doing "potty training camp" with my son, but I understand about just feeling blah about it.

We did the "church shopping" thing a couple years ago and really every church has its own set of issues. Maybe some prayer and reflection about your situation and feelings would help? In fact, I need to do some of that myself. Thanks for the reminder.

[Pretty in Pink]

:grouphug: That pretty much sums up how I feel about church, too. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've just never been able to really get into it.

[i.love.lucy]

I hope you don't forsake gathering to worship. Paul exhorts us (in 1 Cor 14 among other passages) to gather for worship and for building each other up, edifying each other. Church is for the saints, to gather to worship. We should be able to be led and fed there, and to allow our souls to worship. I would agree with pp that if you are hearing the same message week after week and coming away drained, then maybe you need a new church. Your kids will be fine. I recently changed churches and thought my kids would just hate it. They are loving being in a smaller environment where church is not about entertainment, but about growing in God's word.

 

I hope you will pray about this and ask for God's guidance. Ask Him to show you where this might be your problem and how to deal with it. Ask Him to restore your love of worship and gathering with fellow Christians, and ask Him if you should change churches.

 

I hope you get the answers you seek!:grouphug:

[iona]

i would get burned out on a "try harder" sermon every week.

 

Christ has done it all for you

 

your "work" is to repent and believe and that leads you to worship.

 

the gospel is good news

 

"come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest" matthew 11:28

 

(i hope this didn't sound to preachy, i just wanted to encourage you)

[mykdsmomy]

:grouphug: I have issues with going to church too. Our church is wonderful. I like our pastor, our childrens ministry is fabulous and I love the people there.

 

I have similar issues to you (I think). I don't like how everything turns political (church politics not govt.) It's also hard for me because of our special needs children. My younger one needs a shadow so I wind up shadowing him and missing out on the service. I haven't asked for a shadow because they are understaffed (as far as volunteers).

 

Plus I always go back to the fact that things are preached and we are encouraged to live a radically different lifestyle like Christ did but then I see people in leadership roles NOT living like that. I know we all struggle but it's discouraging when it seems like people go to church just because ....I don't know.....

[Jean in Newcastle]

Personally, I like sermons that are Bible driven and expository. Unless the pastor is doing the same passage every Sunday or only choosing passages with that theme (is he doing a study on working hard?) you really should be covering more ground here.

[justamouse]

We left "instituational church" two years ago and attend a home church. We couldn't be part of the machine anymore. I have no idea if I'll ever return to a regular church but I have no desire right now. I lost myself in the busyness of it all.

 

What Carol said.

 

I still have fellowship every time I gather with my friends. *g*

[Carol in Cal.]

There is a great book about this. It is called "The Proper Distinction Between Law and Gospel" by C. F. W. Walther. Walther was a pastor and the book is based on a series of lectures that he gave to teach aspiring pastors to be good at preaching. "The letter kills, but the Spirit gives life" is a key Bible passage relating to this issue.

 

This is a gross over-simplification, but basically a sermon should land at the Gospel, not at a 'what to do, do more' Law-type scenerio. That is because, again grossly over-simplified, God comes to us with grace, and we always need that grace, and to be reminded of that grace, and to soak ourselves in that grace, heaped up, pressed down, and overflowing. It follows, then, that we should act well in GRATITUDE for God's grace instead of so much from law or scolding or fear. But the grace is the main thing.

 

Anyway, that book will probably really reinforce your views, but it will also go a long way toward giving you a framework to find a (suggestion here) medium sized church that is truly Biblical and conservative, but focusses on the Gospel rather than legalism. "There is now no condemnation..."

 

I'm Lutheran, LCMS, like Walther, and I have never attended a church or had a pastor for very long who did not follow those guidelines. They don't talk about it much, but they always follow them.

[delaney]

Sigh. I am in the same boat. Seriously I stand there and think how all the extra ceremony and stuff is so unneeded. Over an hour. I tune 80% of it out so why go? My mind wanders and I think of all of the stuff I should be doing. I really just would prefer a bible study and conversation than sitting through all the ceremony.

[*********]

We left "instituational church" two years ago and attend a home church. We couldn't be part of the machine anymore. I have no idea if I'll ever return to a regular church but I have no desire right now. I lost myself in the busyness of it all.

 

:iagree: This is us as well.

[*********]

We left "instituational church" two years ago and attend a home church. We couldn't be part of the machine anymore. I have no idea if I'll ever return to a regular church but I have no desire right now. I lost myself in the busyness of it all.

 

What Carol said.

 

I still have fellowship every time I gather with my friends. *g*

 

:iagree: This is us as well.

We should all get together for coffee. :)

[ChrissySC]

"the machine"

 

That said it all.

 

I stopped going frequently (and truly only when I feel I "have" too now). This was before the year 2000. I was tired of the fire and d***ation sermons and how the end of the world was coming. Now, it's all about the end again because of the calendar thing. Yes, I said "calendar thing." LOL

 

Church does not feel like a church. It feels like .... a school function.

[michelle l]

i would get burned out on a "try harder" sermon every week.

 

Christ has done it all for you

 

your "work" is to repent and believe and that leads you to worship.

 

the gospel is good news

 

"come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest" matthew 11:28

 

(i hope this didn't sound to preachy, i just wanted to encourage you)

 

Yeah, this. :iagree:

[simka2]

:grouphug: I'm there with you. Our Pastor has been "changeing" over the last year or so. Today's sermon was very difficult for me. I can handle one or two, but it's becomeing more like 3 out of the 4. This was a church that was grace filled and non-works oriented. A calm church without a ton of activities.

 

Being a staff wife, I have some "inside" knowledge of the stress the Sr. Leader is under right now, I'm just sad that under pressure he's reverting to works and law.

 

I don't have a lot of answers for you. My situation is complicated and leaving effects a ton of people. Right now though, I am very close. As, I told dh...I leave the service...tired, and I cannot justify giveing that much time over to it. I would rather be out taking a walk!

[MamaBirdX7]

.

Edited October 18, 2010 by ceecee75

[Denisemomof4]

Read Pagan Christianity. AWESOME book.

 

Before we forever left the institutional church behind two years ago, I used to sit through the services with this empty feeling, questioning myself as to why we were there. There was usually AWESOME sermons, GREAT children's programs, I had a LOT of friends there, etc. It was wonderful. BUT, somehow, after 16 years of going to church, it all felt wrong. I couldn't put my finger on it until I read Pagan Christianity. I read that book and a LIGHT BULB went off. All the feelings I was having made sense. I felt God calling us to a better place. We started to have church in our home once per month and at a friends home once per month. Sunday morning was no longer for us, but we had a meal, prayer, and meaningful conversation, or just loving support, for a large group of people. We even started to make expensive modifications for our home to accommodate 50 people more comfortably as that's what our group had grown to.

 

We had to back out after we decided to put my mother on Hospice, and the group just sort of fell apart. It was short lived, just around a year, but it was so meaningful and wonderful. We intend to start this up again but will be taking some time off still.

 

I do wish my dd's had a church group of some sort, and that was answered by an invitation from a great friend for dd10 to start youth group. All I really want for my dd's is a GREAT youth group. We have our homeschool group and friends but I think youth groups can be great if done right.

 

Pagan Christianity will also cover church programs. I, personally, realize how wonderful they are, but really, they're all fluff. I think that true biblical instruction is really the parent's responsibility and I wouldn't want to leave that up to someone else. But that's just me and I'm not saying that I'm right.

 

Maybe God is planting those feelings in your heart for a reason. I ignored those feelings for quite awhile before we acted on them, and acting on them was WONDERFUL for our family.

 

I hope you find the right answers for your family!

[Denisemomof4]

 

Being a staff wife, I have some "inside" knowledge of the stress the Sr. Leader is under right now, I'm just sad that under pressure he's reverting to works and law.

 

 

 

dh was in leadership in two churches and I had my responsibilities as his wife. This only added to my feelings that leaving the institutional church behind was what was best for our family.

 

I just can't BELIEVE what some pastors get away with. :banghead::cursing::banghead::cursing:

[Tree House Academy]

I totally understand. Only, my issue is not with the pastor but with other things...MANY other things. A so-called "friend" in particular. Anyway, there have been many times i have tried to leave my church only to feel God pulling me back there and telling me I have work yet to do. I would pray about this and wait for God to lead. Sometimes you don't go to church because of what others can do for you, but for what God wants you to do for others. Sometimes, it is just time to move on. Only God can guide you here.

[shinyhappypeople]

Wow. I had no idea so many others have felt this way. It's nice to know that others understand, and yet it's also pretty sad, too, that so many have been here. It stinks.

 

I've only been back at this church for about 4 mos. after a 6 yr. absence. I had honestly forgotten the details of why I stopped attending back then. Mostly, I think, I just couldn't figure out a reason to stay.

 

Now, of course, I stay because of my kids. So, I need to find a way to make the best of it. I wonder if it would help to have a heart-to-heart with the pastor. He's a genuinely good guy (barring any secret skeletons that he keeps well hidden). Maybe if I tell him (kindly) how his messages are coming across it would be helpful? I don't know. I want this church attendance thing to work.

 

Not sure what else to say, just thanks and :grouphug: back at ya' :001_smile:

[silliness7]

:grouphug: I'm sorry about your situation. If you lived by me I'd invite you to my church. Just this morning our pastor preached from 2 Samuel immediately following David's Great Sin and the birth of Solomon.

 

He said doing more and trying harder does not make God love you more...and he says this often; I think because it's a hard trap for us to fall into. And even more so if that's the message you are getting from your pastor.

 

God loves you. Period. You don't deserve it and you never will. Yet God the Son laid aside his crown and died for you (which our pastor contrasted with David who did NOT lay down his crown and had another killed for his own sin of adultery.) Of course as a Christian we want to live righteous lives but to paraphrase this morning's sermon: it is easy to sin against a God who is always telling you what to do. It is distasteful to sin against a God who loves you even when you are a conniving, murdering, adulterer. His steadfast love endures forever regardless of your faithlessness.

 

I hate church hunting. But I encourage you to find a church where the pastor will feed your soul with the gospel. Maybe you can listen to sermons of local pastors online before uprooting the kids and going through the exhausting motions of being "new" at every church in town.

 

:grouphug:

[Tree House Academy]

My poor pastor is always trying to preach on why we shouldn't gossip, why the church needs to be a unified body, what the Bible says about wearing shorts to church (NOTHING) vs what a few elders' opinions are on the matter...and WHICH ONE MATTERS MOST! Poor Pastor! It is a sad little country church with a LOT of issues.

[i.love.lucy]

My poor pastor is always trying to preach on why we shouldn't gossip, why the church needs to be a unified body, what the Bible says about wearing shorts to church (NOTHING) vs what a few elders' opinions are on the matter...and WHICH ONE MATTERS MOST! Poor Pastor! It is a sad little country church with a LOT of issues.

I'm sad for you that this is what you have.

 

I agree with silliness7 above. Once you have a great gospel-centered church and a pastor that isn't afraid to preach expository sermons from any spot in the bible, it's a great peace and comfort. I will keep you all in my prayers that are still searching for it in your area.:grouphug:

[Tree House Academy]

I'm sad for you that this is what you have.

 

 

It is crazy! I pray all the time that God will lead me to another place...but I truly keep getting the same answer..."I need you here right now." So, now, I have given up for the time being and I just ask that God will use me for His glory even though this church situation is NOT working for me at all.

 

I think, like I said in a previous post, sometimes we are in church to grow US...and other times, we are there for some other purpose.

[Liz CA]

Very interesting thread as dh and I just talked about making changes.

How does one become involved in a home church? What are the dynamics? Who leads or nobody leads?

We don't have young children requiring nursery or supervision. Perhaps this is another option for us.

[Food4Thought]

My DH and I are struggling through a similar thing. He is an intern pastor right now, and feels this great desire to lead a truly gospel-driven life - living in grace each and every day and extending that grace to those in our lives and our community.

 

Unfortunately, we're in a well-established "traditional" church. Many of the members are more Law than Spirit. Sadly, I see it pushing my friends out of the church - so our ministry typically involves forming community with those "out of touch" people and "being the church" for them. It's quite a shift, but so much like what Denise is saying, that I feel a little encouraged by this thread.

 

Anyway, it's not just the OP. I think it's hard to be truly gospel-driven. It seems like Jesus is a bad word, even in church sometimes. I'd much rather live a life like his than be trapped in a works-based church where everything looks clean but the people are dead inside. Maybe a chat with the pastor will remind him of the power of the Gospel to save people - not just from death, but from the despair of their every day lives.

[at the beach]

(a small vent)

 

The pastor is very nice. The people are nice. The children's program is fantastic (which is why I keep going).

 

But. But. But.... ugh.

 

I just feel lost and sad while I'm there and weary when I leave. Seriously, do we really need *another* sermon which has as it's take-away, "try harder, do more." In my experience, smaller congregations aren't necessarily any better or different in terms of this pressure. So, shopping for a new congregation seems more trouble than it's worth.

 

The pastor's intentions are good. I don't question his motivations. This isn't a Pastor X bash *at all.* I like him. I just don't like going to his church.

 

I miss how things were when I *didn't* go to church. I had so much more peace and a much simpler relationship with God. Now everything feels complicated and, well, like *work.*

 

My kids love-love-love-love the children's program, so I have no plans to totally cut ties with institutional church at the moment. Maybe I'll start dropping them off there and then sit on one of the very comfy lobby sofas and read a book while they're in their class. Who knows...

 

I think I'm done venting. Thanks for listening.

 

I felt as you feel. Then we made a decision to attend Mass with my mil about six months ago. I honestly could not believe what we had all been missing. My husband was raised Roman Catholic but attended Lutheran services with me after we married. I was raised Lutheran. I can say the LCMS that I attended for many years was very heavy-handed and very much a fire and brimstone atmosphere. The ELCA we started attending about five years ago was not like that but it was still one of those situations where I felt like a prisoner of the pew. I almost can't believe I am admitting that. :blush: My husband is again a practicing Catholic, and our children and I are doing RCIA. I have so much more peace now and none of it feels at all complicated anymore.

[Mom in High Heels]

I'm not sure I should chime in here, being that I'm not a Christian, but I read a quote once that always make me smile when someone talks to me about going to church:

 

Going to a church doesn't make you any more Christian than going to a garden makes you a flower.

 

Maybe traditional church isn't for you. Maybe you need to find some other way to worship. I'm not saying you need to change your beliefs. If you're Christian, and believe in Christianity, do you NEED a brick and mortar church? Can you not worship at home or in your garden? Read your Bible, pray, light a candle, whatever makes you feel closer to your god. Maybe you could form a prayer group of like minded people and pick passages from the Bible to read aloud. It can be as formal or informal as you like. Best of luck to you.

[unsinkable]

I felt as you feel. Then we made a decision to attend Mass with my mil about six months ago. I honestly could not believe what we had all been missing. My husband was raised Roman Catholic but attended Lutheran services with me after we married. I was raised Lutheran. I can say the LCMS that I attended for many years was very heavy-handed and very much a fire and brimstone atmosphere. The ELCA we started attending about five years ago was not like that but it was still one of those situations where I felt like a prisoner of the pew. I almost can't believe I am admitting that. :blush: My husband is again a practicing Catholic, and our children and I are doing RCIA. I have so much more peace now and none of it feels at all complicated anymore.

 

:grouphug:

 

Violet, that's awesome.

 

shinyhappypeople, it sounds like you are in a tough place.

 

This is from my faith and I know many people here aren't Catholic. I am sharing b/c I have known people of different faiths who have been comforted by doing this.

 

Catholics have a tradition called Eucharistic Adoration. The body of Jesus is displayed in a monstrance. We go and pray and worship (silently) with Him. It is a wonderful way to spend time with Jesus, just sitting and being with Him.

 

If you find a place near you, you could just walk in and sit or kneel. No one will bother you. Sometimes a website called masstimes.org will also list adoration times. You just put in your ZIP code.

 

Good things might happen. :grouphug:

Edited October 18, 2010 by unsinkable

[Onceuponatime]

I'm getting weary of going to church too. I teach a class full of 6 and 7 year olds that really don't want to listen to Bible teaching, they just want to play. When I go to adult class, I get nothing out of it. I feel like someone is force-feeding me baby food. I want meat sooooo bad. I look around and see all these faces that are smiling and seem to be enjoying it, and I think, "don't you want more?"

 

I get so much more out of my small group or my own study. In fact my own study is leading me in directions that sometimes makes it uncomfortable for me to sit and listen to what is being taught at church.

[Brigitte]

i would get burned out on a "try harder" sermon every week.

 

Christ has done it all for you

 

your "work" is to repent and believe and that leads you to worship.

 

the gospel is good news

 

"come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest" matthew 11:28

 

(i hope this didn't sound to preachy, i just wanted to encourage you)

 

:iagree: Dh was raised protestant (long line of Lutheran pastors) and I was "raised" Catholic. When we finally decided we needed to start attending church for the sake of our kids, we went to the Catholic Church. Once DH got over the weird ritual nature (his words) of the Mass, he really came to enjoy the Catholic Mass and beliefs. He says the difference is that the Catholic message is positive and the protestant is negative. I don't know if that is true or not, but I guess it is for him. I would not be able to sit through services every Sunday being told how wrong I am living life.

 

Perhaps it is time to see what is out there for you.

[kpnick in nc]

I'm getting weary of going to church too. I teach a class full of 6 and 7 year olds that really don't want to listen to Bible teaching, they just want to play. When I go to adult class, I get nothing out of it. I feel like someone is force-feeding me baby food. I want meat sooooo bad. I look around and see all these faces that are smiling and seem to be enjoying it, and I think, "don't you want more?"

 

I get so much more out of my small group or my own study. In fact my own study is leading me in directions that sometimes makes it uncomfortable for me to sit and listen to what is being taught at church.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: That's a real hard place to be. I think you need to evaluate if it's the church or is it you. ... I started praying about having my heart in the right place before going to church and focusing on the Lord. It's only been a short time, but I can tell the difference already.

 

But saying all that, we also hope to be taught and encouraged while we are at church. If the teaching is not Biblical or if it is all on one aspect of God's teaching and doesn't cover other aspects, then maybe it's time to find another church home.

 

I would encourage you to try to figure it out which it is :grouphug: Pray for guidance. I know I need my church to help me walk through each week the way the Lord wants me to. Hang in there! We all go through dry times, but the Lord will help you through!

 

ETA: If it is the wrong church your kids will survive a switch to the right one. It looks like your kids are fairly young. There may be unhappiness for a while, but you ALL need to be in the right church.

 

 

I would have a difficult time being in a church where I'm not spiritually growing and challenged even with a great children's program. I know that churches have their strengths and weaknesses (like having a strong children's program with not much for adults, etc), but DH and I would be reluctant to delegate any part of our children's spiritual training to a church body where we were sincerely unhappy or saw clearly un-Biblical approaches to worship and teaching/shepherding adults.

 

I don't think we can 'spot-tone' our families' spritual growth. The more we teach our children spiritual truths (or supplement with church programs), the more they will expect to see in us. If we as parents view our own spiritual discipline (personal and corporate) as less important than our children's, they WILL see it as they mature. I've seen this in so many families as a child and as an adult, and the reactions of the kids vary widely.

 

I'm NOT saying that anyone who doesn't like or who is struggling with her current church situation (or likes it less than her kids do) is not spiritually growing, etc. I am saying that it would be ideal to be in a church where the parents are just as excited to be there as the kids - and that God (and what He HAS done) should be the focus. I know - easier said than done!!

 

I hope this makes sense as I'm a bit sleep-deprived. :tongue_smilie: I am deeply convicted as I type this and think about my own approach to worship and training children, while neglecting myself all too often...

[4kids4me]

I have felt this way for years, thinking that it was wrong thinking. Then I read So You Don't Want to go to Church Anymore by Wayne Jacobsen (http://www.amazon.com/You-Dont-Want-Church-Anymore/dp/0964729229/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1287419827&sr=8-1) and it completely changed my thinking! This book had JUST been bookmarked on my wishlist last year when I went on vacation. I came home and it was sitting in between my doors. What?!?!!? My friend had no idea that I was interested in it and bought it for dh and me. It's a great fiction book - easy read - and explains to a "T" what I was thinking and why I was thinking it.

 

I've left "the institutional church" in my heart, knowing now that I AM the church and can do it anytime, anywhere. Having said that, we still attend the institutional church, but not for the same reasons we once did. I think we're phasing it out, slowly.

 

Along with a poster's suggestion of Pagan Christianity, I wholeheartedly recommend the above book and would say it should be read before Pagan Christianity as it gets you in the right mindset (just my opinion!!!). Definitely a MUST READ!!!!!!!

[laughing lioness]

:iagree:2nding Pagan Christianity. I don't think they have it all right, but they are at least making an attempt to address the dissatisfaction so many of us are experiencing in church. I wrote a review of it here.

4Kids, thanks for the suggestion on the Jacobson book.

[Denisemomof4]

:iagree:2nding Pagan Christianity. I don't think they have it all right, but they are at least making an attempt to address the dissatisfaction so many of us are experiencing in church. I wrote a review of it here.

4Kids, thanks for the suggestion on the Jacobson book.

 

:iagree: I don't agree with EVERYTHING PG says, but it was enlightening and I agree with most/a lot of it. 4kids, you have me wanting to read another book!

[4kids4me]

:iagree: I don't agree with EVERYTHING PG says, but it was enlightening and I agree with most/a lot of it. 4kids, you have me wanting to read another book!

 

I can't recommend it highly enough...and I doubly like it because it's SUCH an easy read and an interesting story (he could have written it in non-fiction form, but having done it in fiction format makes it even more memorable!).

[Georgiana Daniels]

I haven't read through all the posts yet, but I can totally identify with the OP's thoughts.

 

I struggle to get to church and feel weird that everyone else is so excited to be there. I LOVE THE LORD SO MUCH! HE IS SO GRACIOUS AND KIND TO US, but...

 

It might have something to do with the fact I don't think church now looks like church back in the time of the Bible. X number of songs, announcements, offerings, sermon, etc.

 

In the book of Acts it says they went house to house and had fellowship, etc. There's a coffee shop here in town, Christian owned, and when you go in and talk about stuff, someone will stop and pray with you. People often have their Bibles open. There's discussion of the word that goes on. To me I get more edified this way that with institutional church.

 

Sigh.

 

Trying hard to overcome this because my kidlets LOVE going to church, and I know it's important for them.

[Parrothead]

I felt as you feel. Then we made a decision to attend Mass with my mil about six months ago. I honestly could not believe what we had all been missing. My husband was raised Roman Catholic but attended Lutheran services with me after we married. I was raised Lutheran. I can say the LCMS that I attended for many years was very heavy-handed and very much a fire and brimstone atmosphere. The ELCA we started attending about five years ago was not like that but it was still one of those situations where I felt like a prisoner of the pew. I almost can't believe I am admitting that. :blush: My husband is again a practicing Catholic, and our children and I are doing RCIA. I have so much more peace now and none of it feels at all complicated anymore.

:grouphug: If you ever have any questions I'll be happy to try to answer them. Just PM me.

:iagree: Dh was raised protestant (long line of Lutheran pastors) and I was "raised" Catholic. When we finally decided we needed to start attending church for the sake of our kids, we went to the Catholic Church. Once DH got over the weird ritual nature (his words) of the Mass, he really came to enjoy the Catholic Mass and beliefs. He says the difference is that the Catholic message is positive and the protestant is negative. I don't know if that is true or not, but I guess it is for him. I would not be able to sit through services every Sunday being told how wrong I am living life.

 

Perhaps it is time to see what is out there for you.

My dh converted also. He really does love going to Mass. He has become the one in the family to initiate getting us there. For the first time this past weekend we went at two different times. He happily took dd to the urgent care so I could go to Mass Saturday evening, and I stayed home with her on Sunday morning so he could go. That wouldn't have happened a few years ago.

 

OP, check out your local Catholic parish. Or if you really don't want to do that see if you have an Orthodox church near you. You may be pleasantly surprised by one or both.

[Georgiana Daniels]

Just ordered Pagan Christianity. Like I need more books! Thanks for the recommendation--looks like a really interesting read.

[LostSurprise]

I know this is a common feeling...especially with people who have been in the church a long time. Sometimes it's described as being 'repetitive' with the same issues coming up over and over again. It can be frustrating to hear very generalized sermons which don't help anyone progress.

 

For me, it helps to remember that every sermon (or series) is not for every person. You have to remember that sometimes the pastor is at a different place then you, or that God has another group or person in mind with this message.

 

What has also worked for me is that I've developed parallel means to learn and worship within a group, even when the particular message is not for me personally. When I sit in the service I can write a poem from the text. Journal about it. Draw an abstract of how it makes me feel. Be inspired by a song and search the hymnal for additional songs on the theme. Add a new verse. Pray for one (or several) members of the congregation. Reflect on the week. Finger puppets of Jesus and the disciples. ;) Etc.

 

Our church bag includes sketchbooks and pens for every member of the family. We ask that the boys copy and learn the text, then we allow them to explore the sermon on paper in any way that appeals to them.

 

While this may not be your permanent place, you can worship here for awhile. Stop holding yourself to being a passive listener to one person and move the sermon inside.

[shinyhappypeople]

Thanks to all of you (even - esp? - MominHeels :001_smile:) for your comments, suggestions and observations. It's given me much food for thought and prayer. :grouphug:

 

 

What has also worked for me is that I've developed parallel means to learn and worship within a group, even when the particular message is not for me personally. When I sit in the service I can write a poem from the text. Journal about it. Draw an abstract of how it makes me feel. Be inspired by a song and search the hymnal for additional songs on the theme. Add a new verse. Pray for one (or several) members of the congregation. Reflect on the week. Finger puppets of Jesus and the disciples. ;) Etc.

 

 

This is a great idea. Thanks :001_smile:

[tricia]

I too have gone through this. I have come to realize what it was. For me anyway. I think it is easy for our church leaders to almost stand in the way of our getting to know the Lord. They seem to have their own ideas on how to do it. And like all relationships we form, it just works best when it's just between the two of you! So seeking the Lord outside of church is always a good thing. Building that one on one and having alone time is important.

 

warmly,

tricia

[Happy2BaMom]

I too have gone through this. I have come to realize what it was. For me anyway. I think it is easy for our church leaders to almost stand in the way of our getting to know the Lord. They seem to have their own ideas on how to do it. And like all relationships we form, it just works best when it's just between the two of you! So seeking the Lord outside of church is always a good thing. Building that one on one and having alone time is important.

:iagree:

 

For me, I have been exploring Quaker-ism (is that a word?). Church for us has become another "check-the-block-for-the-kids" exercise. And we're still going, for that reason. But, it has been SOOOOOOO long since I/we have felt spiritually fed by church, and we have shopped around a fair amount. What I feel drawn to now is listening in the silence. And to have everyone else (I mean that in a very generic way, please understand) *shut up* (sorry, but that's how I feel) about whether silence (or anything else, for that matter) is good, bad, or indifferent.

 

Maybe it has to do with the fact that the world is so much input, input, input now, with all the social media and what not. And sometimes it is easy for church to become just one more 'input' to get through. And so many churches are so opinionated about what is OK and what is not OK. I mean, really, when was the last time you really felt safe to be anything other than positive at church?

 

I just want to study God's word and listen for/to God and not have anyone else tell me what to think about it.

 

Maybe I just need a long monastic retreat. Oh wait, I have a family. Oh well. I can dream. :001_smile:

 

OP - at least you can know that you are NOT alone! :grouphug:

[Annabel Lee]

(a small vent)

 

The pastor is very nice. The people are nice. The children's program is fantastic (which is why I keep going).

 

But. But. But.... ugh.

 

I just feel lost and sad while I'm there and weary when I leave. Seriously, do we really need *another* sermon which has as it's take-away, "try harder, do more." In my experience, smaller congregations aren't necessarily any better or different in terms of this pressure. So, shopping for a new congregation seems more trouble than it's worth.

 

The pastor's intentions are good. I don't question his motivations. This isn't a Pastor X bash *at all.* I like him. I just don't like going to his church.

 

I miss how things were when I *didn't* go to church. I had so much more peace and a much simpler relationship with God. Now everything feels complicated and, well, like *work.*

 

My kids love-love-love-love the children's program, so I have no plans to totally cut ties with institutional church at the moment. Maybe I'll start dropping them off there and then sit on one of the very comfy lobby sofas and read a book while they're in their class. Who knows...

 

I think I'm done venting. Thanks for listening.

 

Carol in Cal said it so much more succinctly than I could have. So many churches declare salvation by faith yet administer a litmus test of "how good we are doing" with the law. His yoke is easy and His burden is light, all who come to Him will find rest (not guilt & condemnation, which breed bad things, unlike true conviction which works to bring good things). Enjoy life, continue to build your relationship w/ God, and out of that will spring the desire to fulfill your calling, your gifts, your purpose. I know it's cliche and we've all heard it before. Except that many of us do it backwards, focusing first and foremost on our works instead of that well-spring of life our relationship w/ Yshua is meant to be.

 

My church is one that grew out of a home church started by a small group of people who were members of the "Jesus People" movement in the 60s-70s. Still has the same heart and core principles. Maybe you could look for an unconventional church (or a home church) like that, or just "do church" in your own home.

 

:grouphug: Best wishes.

 

ETA: use the Bible as the litmus test for whether sermons/messages are being put forth in a spirit of religion (bad) or a spirit of following Christ. See if things match up w/ God's character, see if things match up with the message He intended us to hear. You can look up key words from verses in the Bible in Hebrew and Greek online and it's amazing the difference between what we are sometimes told by tradition, religion, and denomination vs. what it really meant in the 1st place.

Edited October 19, 2010 by Annabel Lee

[mom31257]

I was feeling that way somewhat, until we left and found a church that we really love. My ds has been the most reluctant. We left right when he was to move from the PK-K church to the Elementary Children's church. He had two friends there that he really doesn't see elsewhere. There are also hardly every boys his age there at our new church.

 

We feel in the long run, this is best for all of us. If we had stayed where we were because he loved the children's program and some of the kids, the rest of us would be miserable. The teaching we are receiving at our new church is phenomenal. It is just what we want our kids raised under. That is what really matters to me.

[Annabel Lee]

.

[MariannNOVA]

This is an excellent thread for me to have read. I have been totally unenthusiastic and disinterested in attending Church on Sunday.

 

The kids and I attend Mass with our homeschool co-op on Fridays - I was raised in the RC Church, the kids have always attended a Protestant Church. I understand their fascination with the RC Church and their inquisitiveness as far as the Mass, etc. Two weeks ago we all attended a Teaching Mass on a Sunday evening with some of the co-op families. It was an excellent experience for all of us.

 

I am thankful that the kids and I are having a positive worship experience on Fridays.

 

I thoroughly enjoy the Pastor's teaching at the Presbyterian Church we did attend -- my difficulty is/was (and someone else mentioned it here) the announcements, the 'ministry minutes,' the this and that, the 50 minutes of choir singing (and I love hearing it) BUT I really want to hear Pastor Pete teach because he has a gift for it. But the powers that be, have Pete limited to 20 minutes. Doesn't make sense.:001_huh:

[Nestof3]

I am very much missing homechurching. I just cannot get back into institutional churches.

 

We left "instituational church" two years ago and attend a home church. We couldn't be part of the machine anymore. I have no idea if I'll ever return to a regular church but I have no desire right now. I lost myself in the busyness of it all.