If your own mother is a public school teacher.....

[kesmom]

How did your decision to homeschool go over with her?

 

We have not told my mom yet (another year before our oldest is K age) and I am anxious.

 

*Edited to add that I know she is only lukewarm about hs-ing in general based on previous conversations through the years.

Edited July 18, 2010 by kesmom

[fairfarmhand]

Honestly I know tons of schoolteachers and they are nothing but supportive. They completely understand our reasons because they are there all day and see what EXACTLY is going on.

 

A friend who up till last spring taught Kindergarten quit to hs her kids. She said it was pathetic when she can get written up for slipping and telling a child she would pray for an issue, but a Kindergartener can cuss her out and she can do nothing.

 

You might be surprised at how excited she may be for you.

[Just Another Jen]

My Mom is completely supportive of our hs choice. She can't stand having to teach to the test, and the rest of the crazy stuff that goes on.

[Pink Fairy]

My dh is a ps teacher, my mil was a ps teacher (now retired), and my fil was a school counselor (also now retired). Dh is very supportive, lol, and his parents (wisely) keep any negative feelings to themselves. If she is not in favor of hsing, I think you can expect your mom to react the same way she reacts to other things you do that she doesn't approve of. Does she usually try to control decisions you make for your family? If so, then get ready to hear about it.

 

In the meantime, my suggestion is don't borrow trouble, i.e. don't ask her advice/opinion or open yourself up to discussions that already have you worried a year ahead of time. :001_smile:

[EKS]

My mother was a private school teacher, and at first she was not thrilled at all. Now she gets it though.

[kesmom]

Thanks! I know there are plenty of ps teachers who are supportive of hs - my Dh, SIL, BIL are 3 of them. But I am her only child and I know she will take this very personally. When my cousin, who lives in the same town as my mother, was deciding whether to send her children to private school or public (the school where my mom teaches) I heard about it CONSTANTLY. I learned from that experience that we would not be discussing any schooling topics with her unless it was announcing a decision. We don't live there, so at least that won't be an issue.

[mom32boys]

My mom, mil, and sister are/ were all public school teachers. My mom and mil both retired this year, after 30 years of teaching. It's interesting - when we first started homeschooling, my mom and mil were "concerned", but ironically for years we had been hearing how bad things were in the classrooms - teaching to the test, admin telling them not just what to teach but how to teach, parents not being involved/ making excuses for their children's behavior, etc. I think it helped that we don't live near them - there may have been more conflict if we had. Recently I think my mom has come to see some benefits to homeschooling - mil, not so much, but she keeps her opinion to herself unless I ask her a question.

We homeschooled my oldest for kindergarten, then (due to health reasons) they were in ps for 3 years. We pulled them out last year. I volunteered at their school for 2 years and worked full time as a parapro the third year. When my coworkers found out I would be homeschooling this last year, most were extremely supportive - some even said they would do it if they "could afford it". Even the principal (who flat out asked me what I was going to do the next year when I resigned) was supportive.

 

Julie :)

[WiseOwlKnits]

My mom totally supports homeschooling DD because she's REALLY smart, but she thinks we should put DS in public school. :glare: She thinks it's unreasonable to try to teach 2 kids at home. And she thinks it will do a disservice to DD to have DS home when I could be giving her all my energy. So since he's "average," he should go to public school. :001_huh:

[4kiddies]

My mother is not a ps teacher but my father is and neither one is supportive AT ALL...and my mother regularly tells me how I am ruining my childrens lives and dooming them to a lifetime as outcasts....in fact she told me that today when I saw her.

 

 

Good luck...hope you have better luck than me.

[Lostinabook]

My parents are both retired ps teachers. My cousin started homeschooling about 20 years ago & they both thought that it was weird, but by the time I was ready to begin they had seen how well her children did & were totally pro-hs. In fact, I once jokingly made a comment about sending dd to K (she wanted to go to school & was giving me a hard time) & my dad was HORRIFIED.

[LibraryLover]

There are public and private elementary school teachers in our family, and they have been supportive. If they have not been supportive, they have never said a negative word to us, so we dont know. lol. My mom is not an elementary school teacher, but she has worked in education and is our biggest supporter. We also have a vice principal in our family ;), some college professors and instructors, even a social worker... well...lots of 'professions (some not even in education lol), and we have never been called on the carpet for our choices. All to say; it might be OK!

[tennislady29]

My mother is a retired public school teacher. She is mostly supportive because she knows that public schools have many problems. She says that by the end of her 37+ years of teaching, little was actually learned and everything was an administrative nightmare. She does jump on the "socialization" bandwagon occasionally, though.

[Julie in Austin]

After we had been hsing a few years, my mother said, "Have you noticed that I quit asking you when you were going to stop homeschooling?";)

 

So be patient.

[LibraryLover]

LOL Whenever I have sighed or fretted about hsing in front of my mother, she tends to start worrying that I am thinking of sending the hsers to school. She does not like that idea at all. I have to preface some whines with 'No, I am not sending them to school! I am simply feeling sorry for myself/ worried about xyz!""

 

However, in the end, my mother would be supportive of a good school, as she trusts us to make the right choices for our family. My mother also knows I sometimes miss working.

 

My parents are both retired ps teachers. My cousin started homeschooling about 20 years ago & they both thought that it was weird, but by the time I was ready to begin they had seen how well her children did & were totally pro-hs. In fact, I once jokingly made a comment about sending dd to K (she wanted to go to school & was giving me a hard time) & my dad was HORRIFIED.

[OnTheBrink]

My mother is a psychologist for a public high school and was totally against it, spewing out the typical garbage about socialization, etc.

 

However, she's a histrionic, narcissistic, mentally unstable nit wit, so there ya go.

[Alyce]

as well as my BIL. They did not like our decision to homeschool but didn't harp on it. They never asked any questions just to see how they were doing but it showed in their interaction with them. I don't know if we changed their feeling about homeschooling in general but they have at least seen a positive homeschooling situation. I think they thought we would probably fail and first and of course the socializing thing came in but after a year or two they could see that they were just as smart and just as socialized as some of their more advanced cousins. I don't intially they thought that either one of them would make it to college but they have and are doing quite well. I think the important thing was that at the very first time we announced are decision we did so with authority and did not waiver in the fact that we weren't sure we could do this. I think that we were so confident caused them to take a wait and see attitude and as the time went by they saw the fruits of what we'd done.

[celticmom]

My mother is a retired public school teacher and was somewhat against homeschooling until I asked her, "How many of your coworkers would you honestly want teaching your grandchild?"

A very funny look came over her face and she has been quite supportive ever since.

When I asked her I already knew that she did not have a great deal of respect for most of the other teachers especially the younger teachers.

[Rosie_0801]

Dh's mum was a public school teacher. She doesn't approve. Dh said she was a crappy teacher so he is not at all concerned about her passive-aggressively delivered opinions.

 

Why get our knickers in a twist over it? We know we're right :D Lucky for us, all she wants to do is express disapproval, not actually argue. One factual comment from us and she changes the subject. I think we are lucky in having Annoying Relative Lite, though they might get heavier when dd is actually school age. But what is the worst they could do? Not speak to us for a few months? :lol:

 

:)

Rosie

[Chris in VA]

We get support for homeschooling from the ps teachers in the family (my mom isn't one, so I hope it's ok for me to chime in).

 

One thing I try to remember is that some people think homeschooling is an indictment of their decision to NOT homeschool. IOW, my mom often sees me do something different in parenting, and sees it as a personal thing, that I didn't choose the same as her. She sees me condemning HER choice by not agreeing with her and choosing the same thing for MY kids.

 

What she's forgotten is that kids aren't all the same, and parents aren't either, and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another. Instead of viewing us all as individuals, she goes for the "it's right to do things this way," for EVERYONE. Having the view that there is just ONE right way to do things has really made her life tough. Black and White thinker, to the max. They always have a hard time believing someone else's different choice (in ANYTHING) can be as good and as RIGHT.

 

Don't know if your mom is like this--if so, prepare to have her take your decision as a personal attack. But you can respond in gentleness. You just have to be the grown up.

[1bassoon]

My mom worked in public education up until last year - she was a highly regarded elementary school principal.

 

I've been blessed - she's never really seriously commented on our choices, in any area of our life. She figures she's done her job, now she supports us. May I be so gracious and loving!

 

That said - in the beginning, she would ask "how long" were we going to do this homeschooling thing. As the years have gone on, and she's seen how wonderful my kids are (ok, we're both biased!), and seen the amount of educational materials out there, she's become much more supportive.

 

That ALSO said - as a principal, she saw MANY families who pulled their kids out to "homeschool" them b/c the parents were lazy, couldn't wake the kids up on time for school, etc. They'd come back in a year, a COMPLETE disaster, for the school to fix. So watching her have that experience, and seeing her compassion and concern for the kids, has caused me to think hard about the "every parent can/should homeschool" philosophy I had been known to spout.

 

And finally - she has a great perspective with homeschoolers who entered her school for the first time. She was able to say to the parents "You know, my daughter homeschools, and I do think it's wonderful! How can we help you make the transition?" And mean it.

 

I love my mom. I get to go see her in 4 days! :)

[6packofun]

Whenever I sigh or fret about homeschooling, my mom (who is a special ed teacher's aide) *always* suggests public school. She complains about how the poor kids she works with get the short end of the stick and the stories she tells of just her little part of the system make me sure that I will NEVER send my kids to school, so the suggestion is very frustrating. LOL

 

She would never want to homeschool even if she could raise us all over again under better circumstances, so of course she projects that onto me or whatever. She's not supportive, but does not really undermine me. That I would not tolerate!

[Mom2J112903]

Haven't read all of the replies :o, so forgive me if this has already been stated.

 

My Mom is an early-childhood educator, she wasn't *too* thrilled with J being homeschooled because of the "social" part of it. :huh: Once she heard our plans for J and *why* we are homeschooling, she is a huge supporter-for J.

 

Now J went to Catholic School for 2yrs....the 2nd year, his K year, there were two children (twins) whose Mother is a HS Senior AP English teacher. She was THRILLED to hear of our choice! She would homeschool the twins if she could, but some people are not SAH people and *need* to work outside the home. She feels confident where her children are and she is THRILLED to hear that J is where he is.

 

J's ASL class is ran by a PS teacher, she ADORES the homeschoolers :D and hopes that one day she will be able to homeschool her own children.

[....]

Oh, sigh...the socialization... My unsocialized homeschooled kids are constantly being invited to sleepovers, being emailed by their friends, being driven to somebody's birthday party (how many birthdays do these kids have?), having some little neighbor kid ring our doorbell and checking on each other's "virtual pets" on Facebook. :auto:

 

If there's any more socializing, my head's going to pop off and roll away.

 

It's good to know that a lot of people have supportive parents who are ps teachers, though. That's awesome. :) Good for you! :001_smile:

[....]

And, 6packofun - your avatar is absolutely hilarious. :smilielol5:

[sheryl]

My dh is a ps teacher, my mil was a ps teacher (now retired), and my fil was a school counselor (also now retired). Dh is very supportive, lol, and his parents (wisely) keep any negative feelings to themselves. If she is not in favor of hsing, I think you can expect your mom to react the same way she reacts to other things you do that she doesn't approve of. Does she usually try to control decisions you make for your family? If so, then get ready to hear about it.

 

In the meantime, my suggestion is don't borrow trouble, i.e. don't ask her advice/opinion or open yourself up to discussions that already have you worried a year ahead of time. :001_smile:

 

 

This is sound advice. I might add to the OP that you have your own convictions for homeschooling. The reasons for homeschooling are "almost" as varied as the curricula choices. :001_smile: I first learned about homeschooling in the early 80's at a Bible Study in another state. I was interested upon first learning about it. Quickly I decided this is what I'm going to do when little ones come along for many resons (teaching God and Jesus, safety/security of being home and so on), joy of "home teaching" my child.

 

My dad was teacher to principal for years and my uncle was teacher to superintendent also for years....this was years ago in the public school system in Ohio. Both are PRO homeschooling for the reasons I list. In facct everyone on my side is pro-homeschooling. My sister doesn't understand it, but she doesn't openly oppose it.

 

Extended family on my dh's side is another matter. They are not pro-homeschooling....they are just deceived anyway in so many areas. They are vocal about it, but have toned down over the years. HTH!

 

Did they every make any decisions for which their parents didn't approve?

 

Just hang in there and I would NOT bring it up until the very end. You could say to buy time that you've made other "arrangements" for her education and change the subject....redirect if you need more time.

[Impish]

My MIL was a teacher. Not a good one, but a teacher none the less. She was 'ok' with Diva being pulled in grade 3, but horrified that I didn't intend to 'give it a chance' with the Littles.

 

*shrug*

[DawnM]

I know two of my aunts did not approve. Both were PS teachers. But they have not said anything to me recently.

 

I taught PS and was a high school counselor for a total of 16 years....there is very little they can say to me....although they have tried.

 

Fortunately, one aunt visited my home and left saying she was very impressed with my kids and hasn't said anything negative since.

 

Dawn

[6packofun]

LOL Thanks! We love Legos here and I am always trying to catch a few minutes of sanity reading in the bathroom, so there ya go!

[Jann in TX]

My sister began homeschooling first... he made RUDE comments and made the first few years of her homeschool journey MISERABLE (he kept rubbing it in that SHE did NOT have a college degree...)

 

Fast forward a few years--Dad retires early from PS teaching and now has a bit of free time. He 'generously' (gag) offers to teach my sisters girls and a few of their friends how to play musical instruments (he was a PS Band and History teacher). By the end of that year he was completely SOLD on homeschooling!!!! He took back all of the mean things he said and chalked them up to HIS ignorance!!!

 

Now "I" get the flack because my middle dd went to PS for a few years (she was homeschooled from 1-5th and now from 10th-graduation next year) and my 8yr dd is attending the local PS for 3rd grade this fall... I'm now being a NEGLIGENT mother because I'm NOT homeschooling my youngest dd!:lol:

 

My Dad now has a wonderful job leading homeschool bands across the state of Oklahoma... he LOVES LOVES LOVES it... he also teaches history at the local university...

[runmiarun]

My mother taught high school foreign languages for 30 years. During one of our rare talks, she brought up schooling for my children. I informed her we were planning on homeschooling and in fact, my oldest was already learning to read and write at that point (3 1/2 y.o.). She was horrified since she had taught in the school system we were zoned for when she was just beginning teaching 30 years ago. After explaining that our school system went from top 5 in the region in the late 60's to one of the bottom 3 in the 2000's, she stopped mentioning it. Then she had a phone conversation with ds4 and they talked about all sorts of train things, as 3 year old boys will do sometimes. When I finally got ds off the phone, she told me that we had made the right decision. Conversely, my uncle, who was an elementary school principal for 30 years, thinks we're nuts and that my son needs public school to help him overcome his extreme shyness.

[southcarolinamom]

This is a subject near and dear to my heart.

 

I come from a family of educators - I was the only one out of my parents and 3 siblings that chose to NOT go into the field of education. My father taught at the seminary level for 40+ years, my mom was an elementary ed teacher until she started her family, my sister #1 was an elementary ed major and taught at a private Christian school, sister #2 was an elementary ed major and taught at a private Christian school, tutored missionary families in foreign countries, and now works at a Christian college in Florida. My brother just got his doctorate in higher education from Penn State last month. He also works at a Christian college in Florida as director of research statistics.

 

When I started my adventure almost 12 years ago, my sister #2 had just started homeschooling her daughter, who was a year older than my son. She encouraged me and gave me advice along the way. My parents were also encouraging.

 

My mother-in-law used to live in Sweden, where she and her husband were missionaries for many years. It is now outlawed, but she had never really heard of homeschooling before. Her first year living in the States was in our home, and the first day of school she was observing me and said "So, why is homeschooling supposed to be better than regular school?!" I remember having one of those "Aw, nuts!" moments in my head...:D it's not easy homeschooling very young children and trying to keep one's mother-in-law from having a negative picture of homeschooling! Ah, there were many days when my wiggly children would be doing spelling or reading, and my daughter would fall right out of her chair onto the floor... there were rants and raves and "Mommy I can't learn math!" moments right in front of her ... I didn't really know what she thought, she just observed and didn't say anything.

 

Both sets of parents understood that homeschooling was a workable, excellent alternative to public/private school when they saw high scores on the kids Stanford Achievement tests, when the grandparents could carry on intelligent conversations with my kids, when they observed polite, respectful, instant obedience behavior from them. Now that I have 2 teenagery children, both sets of grandparents are extremely proud of having homeschooled grandchildren. There is plenty of time for sports, acting in plays, having part-time jobs, helping grandparents, going on summer mission trips, all while keeping up good grades. My 2 siblings that work for a college have both told me that homeschooling students do excellent work in college and are a joy to teach.

 

My advice would be, if your mom asks "what can I do to help you?" regarding homeschooling, include her in some of your homeschooling purchases or organization projects -- you could take her on a trip to Costo, Sam's Club, or a favorite large bookstore and pick out certain books that you would like to use in your school. It might be a young child's dictionary, or atlas, or fresh packs of pencils and crayons and handwriting paper, but I would think your mom would be glad to help you with that. You know your children best, but she may be able to offer suggestions to help your schooling go smoothly. Send her samples of her grandchildren's school work and art work so she feels included. When she sees the results over time, she should "prepared to be amazed". ;) Enjoy the journey!

[KrissiK]

My mother was completely against us homeschooling. She'd say stuff like, "You really should put D in for kindergarten. Kindergarten is harmless and he'd learn so much, then you could homeschool him." With the hopes that I'd love life so much with him in school and somehow see how benign the PS system is and keep him there. Ugh!:glare: I just smiled and didn't argue with her, but stuck to my guns. It was hard because I really wanted to talk to her about hsing and all that. Now, finally, the boys are in 2nd grade she's seeing the benefits and I'm able to talk to her a little about it. She's not completely on board, but at least she's not antagonistic like she used to be.

[Melora in NC]

My mom was a public school teacher for many years, and she has always been completely supportive of our decision to homeschool. She says that she just wishes she had thought of doing it when we were kids!

[TeenagerMom]

My stepdad just retired from teaching, my MIL is currently still teaching, and I have 2 stepsisters on both sides of the family who teach elementary school.

 

When I made the decision to keep DS home after a horrible year in Kindergarten, they were ALL completely behind me. My stepsister who taught 1st grade sent me every bit of her lesson planning info because I wanted to try to stay on track w/what the public schools were teaching in case DS ever went back.

 

DD is staying home this year for the first time. She's going into 5th grade & MIL teaches 5th grade Science. She has been SO impressed with the progress that DS has made. Her school is really struggling. I use ARVA k12. She is coming over this week when I get DD's curriculum in so she can go through it because she KNOWS she needs to revamp her science program & she wants to see how they are doing it:D. She has come to me for advice several times over the summer about helping their struggling school.

 

Now that Stepdad has retired, he has volunteered to fill in w/teaching the kids anytime I need him to. Since we do Virtual Academy, we have mandatory attendance, so he may come in handy when I get sick or DS has full day dr appointments!