Quick! What bedtime for a 13yo?

[Ginevra]

If you enforce bedtimes, what bedtime do you expect for your 13yo?

[dansamy]

8:30pm for an almost 11yo. 9? for a 13yo?

[gingersmom]

Both my 13yo and 10yo are sent up to bed by 9pm. The older one reads till whenever (usually 10-11).

 

One day a week the older one has skating practice and does not go to bed till about 10:30.

[Pippen]

9pm during the school year. 9:30-10pm during summer if there are no routine morning activities.

[Ginevra]

That helps some. Here is the situation: dd13 has a "very good friend, who is a boy" ;), whom she chats with on FB most days. Her bedtime has been around 10, but I have become relaxed about it, because she wasn't pushing this limit much. But now that she's talking to this Beautiful Boy every night, she's pushing the envelope later and later. Today, I'm going to remind her that she has a bedtime, a point at which she must say "TTYL" to Beautiful Boy and get her blissful head in bed. Only I wondered what that time should be, exactly. Maybe tell her off the 'puter at 10; lights out by 10:30. Does that sound sensible?

[EarleneW]

That sounds reasonable. Mine is almost 13 and he is usually to bed by 10-10:30.

[Laura Corin]

Around 9 - 9:30.

 

Laura

[Pamela H in Texas]

I expect my teens to learn to regulate their own sleep times based on their responsibilities.

 

For example, if I want school to start at 8am (hypothetical), then my teen needs to figure out when he needs to be in bed to be up, have his chores done, and have eaten by that time. If I don't start school til 10am, but he wants to run 4 miles in the morning, he has to plan for that.

 

Whatever the situation, he needs to learn to listen to his body, become responsible regarding his needs, meet his family/community responsibilities, etc. It is best for him to do this as a teen when I can still do some guidance and help him do damage control when he is figuring it out. I'd rather him make a few mistakes at 13 than when he's driving, going to work, paying for classes, etc.

 

I believe bedtimes for teens is probably micromanagement.

 

ETA: Ooops, sorry. I just saw your first clause "if you enforce bedtime." I believe in strict and EARLY bedtimes for young children. I believe in teens gaining life skills for themselves so don't enforce bedtimes at that point.

Edited June 10, 2010 by 2J5M9K

[mysticamethyst]

In our house all computers are off at 9pm. All of my kids including the 16 yo are in rooms 930, then lights out varies but no one is up later than 1030 on a school/work night. If they make so much noise that I hear them then its lights out right away. Bedtime is not always for them its for me too, I need the quiet and rest time before I can sleep. Hope you find something that works for you.:001_smile:

[momofkhm]

My 2 oldest "disappear" from sight at 8:30 and 9 but are allowed to stay up reading/chatting until 10. I need "alone" time. It's when my brain disengages and I can just veg.

[MamaT]

During school time, my 13yo has to be in bed at 10:00, but during the summer she gets to decide when to go to bed. We do not allow electronics (computer, phone, etc.) after 9:00 though.

[Jennifer in MI]

My 2 oldest "disappear" from sight at 8:30 and 9 but are allowed to stay up reading/chatting until 10. I need "alone" time. It's when my brain disengages and I can just veg.

 

About the same here. In the summer, it's a bit later. But most of the year, we start getting ready for bed by 8:30 or 9. The three boys share a room and fall asleep by 10:30 usually.

 

But, this spring my oldest is taking a cc class. It starts at 7:20! We let him sleep in the guest bedroom so his brothers won't keep him up. He voluntarily goes to bed by 8 pm now!!

[AHASRADA]

That helps some. Here is the situation: dd13 has a "very good friend, who is a boy" ;), whom she chats with on FB most days. Her bedtime has been around 10, but I have become relaxed about it, because she wasn't pushing this limit much. But now that she's talking to this Beautiful Boy every night, she's pushing the envelope later and later. Today, I'm going to remind her that she has a bedtime, a point at which she must say "TTYL" to Beautiful Boy and get her blissful head in bed. Only I wondered what that time should be, exactly. Maybe tell her off the 'puter at 10; lights out by 10:30. Does that sound sensible?

 

Yes, this sounds very reasonable. My ds 13 is supposed to be in bed by 10/10:30, with lights out at 10:30/11 (unless he is staying up late chatting with his dad, which I believe is very beneficial). He is expected to be up by 9am, so of he isn't, his bedtime is more strictly enforced for the following few nights.

 

I agree that "computer shut-down" time is more important than bed time. Since that seems to be your main concern, I would pick my battles, and focus on the computer end-time (and bed time will probably fall into line as well, if the computer isn't on ;)).

 

Personally, I cannot imagine my ds chatting with a girl late into the evening. It would just be totally inappropriate to us as well as to him. I know you said they are "friends", but I would make sure the chatting is being done in a public area of the house, etc., since you never know what can evolve online. But, that's another topic...:).

[Hathersage]

Well, for good sleep health, the computers and tv should be turned off about 2 hours before bedtime.

[Haiku]

When my dd was 13, her bedtime was nine. However, my dd was very irresponsible and tended to hang herself every time we gave her some rope. Had she been a more responsible kid, I would have been open to the idea of telling her, "Your bedtime is your business, but you have to be able to get up on time and behave like pleasant human being or it will become our business again.."

 

Hmmm, that sounds like the conversation we had with her when she was 15. Guess what? It became our business again. :glare:

 

Tara

[lionfamily1999]

10

[Peela]

TV and computers off at 8.30 for both ds14 and dd16. I know both use their ipods to go on Facebook after that but I am not so good at remembering to take their Ipods off them!

Bed by 9pm (it takes the half an hour to actually get to bed usually, so I had to pull the whole thing back half an hour. Until recently, TV was off at 9pm bt they weren't getting to bed quickly enough.). They can and do read (and likely chat on Facebook on their IPods). They actually sleep somewhere between 9.30 and 10pm.

Both need to be up at 7am and this is the only way to make sure they get a solid 9 to 9.5 hours sleep. I wouldnt be so strict about it if our routine didnt include a 7am getting up time, but it does.

I work backwards from getting up time and make sure they are actually getting enough sleep, and if they insist on taking an hour to get to that point...well, so be it.

[fivetails]

Most evenings, dd13 goes to bed when I do - which is generally anywhere between 9pm and 10:30pm ... just depends. Dh is asleep before then (he falls asleep on the couch watching tv usually - long work days) and I can't go off to bed unless the kids are also "in bed". (ds11 is in bed and asleep by 7pm most of the time, or earlier - he's usually tired and wants to go to bed then)

 

I don't have a "lights out" rule - because I know how annoying it is to lay there in the dark, unable to sleep! - so it's her choice... sometimes she goes right to sleep..other times she might read or watch a show for a while instead. :)

[BMW]

During the school year, in the rooms at 9pm, lights out immediately if they have had disciplinary problems or bad grades. If they have been responsible and behaved appropriately, lights out by 9:30, though I do not go and check...

 

During the summer, in the rooms at 9pm and lights out by 10:30.

 

Computers are off at 9pm, with the exception of my 18 and 20 yr old.

 

We would have more flexibility with "in your room at 9pm" BUT dh gets up at 4am and it is out of respect for his work schedule that we quiet down at 9pm.

 

When it comes to computer chatting... and cell phones for that matter... every one of my teens pushed the limits regularly. It will serve you to have solid, indisputable rules that stay consistent, if you want to avoid continual "negotiation". I had to let my 14 yr old know that I was not going to hear him ask, over and over, to stay on the computer past 9pm any longer... I printed out the rules and said that if he pushed the limits, he lost the computer priviledge the following day and that stopped it. They only have cell phones when they work a job and pay for it themselves, so I don't take their phones away unless they have broken serious rules around here... I might change that in the future if my younger boys have trouble staying off their phones at night...

[Mynyel]

All of us...me, dd12, ds8 and ds2 all go to bed around 10-11. I just can't get them in bed any earlier.

It is light out here until 9pm so it is hard when they want to play outside with the lightning bugs and moths. If I had them in bed at 9 they would never get to play with them!

[Teachin'Mine]

We've tried aiming for 9PM, but it just wasn't realistic. Now we shoot for 9:30 - 10:00 during the school year. No specific bedtime during the summer. :)

 

I love the idea of having a cut off time for computer use!!! I'm also trying to figure out how much to limit internet use during the summer as I'd like to majorly reduce it next school year. Other than what was assigned for school, she didn't read anything! :tongue_smilie: That needs to change. She used to have a book going all the time, but that's been "replaced" by the internet. Unfortunately, I'm setting a bad example.

[Kindred Hearts]

My 14.5 yo ds and 12.5 yo dd basically regulate their own bed times. I insist that they wake up at a certain time though. This works for us!

[fairfarmhand]

That helps some. Here is the situation: dd13 has a "very good friend, who is a boy" ;), whom she chats with on FB most days. Her bedtime has been around 10, but I have become relaxed about it, because she wasn't pushing this limit much. But now that she's talking to this Beautiful Boy every night, she's pushing the envelope later and later. Today, I'm going to remind her that she has a bedtime, a point at which she must say "TTYL" to Beautiful Boy and get her blissful head in bed. Only I wondered what that time should be, exactly. Maybe tell her off the 'puter at 10; lights out by 10:30. Does that sound sensible?

 

 

That sounds more than reasonable.

 

All my kids are the type to get up at the same time regardless of the time they went to bed. Then they act grouchy all day. Even my oldest at 12 does this; so I have to be very firm about bedtimes or our days are awful.

Edited June 10, 2010 by fairfarmhand

[ereks mom]

Now, she's 15, and bedtime is 10:00 on school nights. She stays up later on weekends and during the summer-- usually 10:30/11:00.

[CarolfromIL]

Unless it's a prearranged activity, we pretty much are year round 9 pm in room and 9:30 lights off.

[Joanne]

I don't have bedtimes for teens. I have "I'm done parenting and interacting with you for the day time". They can go to their room or another part of the house and do whatever.

[Ginevra]

All my kids are the type to get up at the same time regardless of the time they went to bed. Then they act grouchy all day. Even my oldest at 12 does this; so I have to be very firm about bedtimes or our days are awful.

 

Yeah, that's kinda where I'm at, too. My youngers will wake up spontaneously at the same time, whether they went to bed late or not. DD13 would happily stay in bed till God-Knows-When, but that's not how I roll, so I'm waking her up by 8:00 no matter what. She has not ever decided she would rather be well-rested when I wake her at 8:00 and therefore decide for herself to say Goodnight to Beautiful Boy at a decent hour. ;) Hence, my belief that it's for me to re-create the boundary there.

 

And I agree with the earlier posters who said that bedtime is for the parents' benefit, too. I don't want my brain to have to be still "on" and monitoring how late into the night the chatting is happening. She can finish talking to him before the owls come out. :D

[AnitaMcC]

If you enforce bedtimes, what bedtime do you expect for your 13yo?

 

 

Partly it depends on what time they have to get up and how much sleep the individual needs. I aim for us all to get 8-9 hours of sleep. In general... I expect everyone to be up by 8:30am (under 18yrs of age and Dh/me).

 

Ds 15yr old typically goes to bed around midnight and gets up around 7am but can sleep to 8:30am before I will wake him up (which is extremely rare). If he is still asleep by 7:30am, then that means he went to bed way too late or he is not feeling well. If he isn't feeling well then I let him be. He needs less sleep typically. He has always been an early riser.

 

Dd 15yr old typically goes to be around 10pm and I wake her up at 8:30am if she isn't already up. She has difficulty staying asleep at night and tends to wake up 1-2 times a night. So she sleeps in occassionally if it has been a rough night.

 

Ds 11yr and Ds 9yr olds bedtime is typically 9-9:30pm. During school year they have been getting up by 7:30am to leave for school at 8:40am. Often they were up sooner. If they go to bed earlier it just means they wake up earlier and I don't want that-LOL. But next year Ds 11 will be starting 6th grade in middle school ps and will have to leave the house about 7am... so he will need to be in bed by 9pm probably.

 

On non-school nights, I tend to allow bedtimes to get pushed back for the youngest two (they may stay up till 10pm). When kids hit teen years, I try to let them be in control of their sleep... within reason (my reasoning-LOL) as long as they are getting enough sleep and it isn't disruptive to the family.

 

And for older teens/young adults who seem to prefer staying up all night and sleep during the day... well I do not insist on the younger kids nor dh/me to be quiet as mouses to allow the day sleepers their beauty sleep. My oldest nephew works nights and sleeps days... but he is a very very very sound sleeper so I just don't vacuum right above his bedroom. Younger nephew just prefers to play video games all night and sleep during the day and then he thinks he can yell at the younger kids for being too loud when all they are doing is normal play... nope not happening. Once a kid hits 18 and graduates high school... they can move out if they want to live like bats.

[Ginevra]

Personally, I cannot imagine my ds chatting with a girl late into the evening. It would just be totally inappropriate to us as well as to him. I know you said they are "friends", but I would make sure the chatting is being done in a public area of the house, etc., since you never know what can evolve online. But, that's another topic...:).

 

Well, your ds is 13; wait a year. ;) No, but seriously, I'm sure last year, this boy would have said she has cooties, but now that he has a starter moustache and bigger feet, apparently he can't see cooties anywhere. Although philosophically, you may be of a different thinking, but as you said, that's a whole 'nother topic.

 

P.S. The chatting is in a public area and I can and do monitor her chat history and FB pages.

[mcconnellboys]

During the school year, I'd say 9 if we're getting up at 7. During the summer it doesn't get dark here until 10 and sleeping in until at least 8 is an option most mornings, so bedtime is kind of free and open.....

[Melinda S in TX]

All the children are in bed at 8pm. 15dd and 13dd can read until 9.

 

Melinda

[elegantlion]

During school ds has a 10pm bedtime. Electronics must be off by 9:30. For summer bedtime is not enforced but electronics must be off by 10 and hopefully he's in bed by 11, unless he and dh are staying up together.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Both dd8 and ds(almost 13) go to bed between 9:30 - 10:00 pm.

[myfunnybunch]

When my daughters turned 13 they were expected to be in their rooms by 10:00. (No electronics.) I didn't keep track of when they turned off their lights. I figured if they were tired they'd sleep, and they usually did.

 

Cat

[Mrs Mungo]

My eldest is 14 and her lights out time is 9:30 pm. However, I've told her if she can get herself up and dressed on time on her own (they are supposed to be dressed by 7:30), then I would move it to a later time.

 

I think *right now* my younger two could have later bedtimes than eldest, she needs more sleep than they do.

[H0MEFree]

Our rule:

 

If you stay up... don't whine when it's time to wake up and then you MUST get moving.