s/o How many of you grew up without structured (and pricey) extra-curriculars?

[cjbeach]

I grew up in a rowhome with limited income. Looking back on it I'm so grateful my parents had me in dance for much of my life. I think it instilled a sense of time management, since I had to juggle school and dance, early on. I definitely was introduced to culture and a different side of life that I would not have experienced as early as I did, had it not been for the years of dancing. My dance school went on tour and also competed. It was a way for my family to encounter people outside of our every day life. I am so grateful for that experience. We all benefited from it. :001_smile:

[Lovedtodeath]

I had gymnastics for one season when I was 5. That is all.

[mrbmom77]

I had about a year of piano lessons but no talent. I participated in UIL and choir at school through middle school. But no extracurriculars that involved my mother's time or any money. When she divorced her second husband, I became housekeeper and caretaker for my brothers.

I started babysitting at about 11 and working fulltime just before I turned 16. Helped support the boys.

We grew up in a small southern town. I was happy to hole up in my room with books, but we spent a lot of time playing outside. It was the 80s and still safe for us to leave the house at dawn and come in after dark during the summer. We played ball and hide-and-seek with the neighborhood kids, spent hours in the woods, and generally hung out. Sometimes we'd walk or bike to a friend's house across town. We were involved with the church youth group once we hit about 14.

My only regret is not being able to do Academic Decathlon in high school. I just couldn't handle it top of working and carrying a full load of honors classes.

My daughter has been in Girl Scouts for 4 years and decided not to return next year. She's had 2 years of piano lessons and is really talented, so we'll keep doing that. My boy has been to Boy Scouts a few times. We'll probably join 4H next year.

Maybe if I were a SAHM and had more income we'd do more, but I certainly would not want the huge time committments I see in so many other parents. And none of us are interested in sports.

[AngieW in Texas]

I had extracurriculars, but they weren't my choice.

 

What I wanted from a very early age was gymnastics. My parents must have had some reason why they didn't want me to take gymnastics, but I don't know what it was because they never told me.

 

They forced me into piano in 1st grade. Then I was free for three years. In 4th grade they forced me into violin for three years. I hated it. In 7th grade they forced me back into piano for another year. I hated it.

 

I begged and pleaded for gymnastics, but they wouldn't do it.

 

For my 13th birthday, they signed me up for ice skating lessons. I have no idea where they got the idea to do that, because I had never mentioned ice skating. I actually enjoyed those lessons though. They were a bear to get to because the closest place for ice skating was a 45 minute drive to downtown (quite a few gymnastics places within 15 minutes of our house). I took ice skating for two years and even joined the ice skating drill team. I stopped after I actually managed to knock myself out with a bad fall. I was too scared to let go after that.

 

I do have fond memories of ice skating. I still wish I could have taken gymnastics. I ended up taking gymnastics in college as my p.e., but I was much too old to actually be any good at it. You have to start well before 18yo.

[Colleen in NS]

They wanted their kids on travel teams. Maybe the kids wanted to be on travel teams, too. I really don't know.

 

Whew, spend a winter here in hockey-crazed Canada! Dh gives guitar lessons in people's homes, and throughout the winter he regularly gets calls from parents saying, "Son's hockey coach e-mailed us this morning saying that the team has to go away overnight tomorrow - can we reschedule the lesson??"

 

In retrospect, I don't think that he will think back to all those Saturday soccer games with warm and fuzzy memories.

 

Wouldn't it be nice if kids could return to these unstructured and inexpensive activities? Or am I just a romantic, thinking that life can be simpler?

 

I only did a few "extras" if I could do it for free and then either get a ride from someone else or take the "activity bus" home from school at 5 p.m.. Other than that, zip (single parent home, five kids). It was frustrating because I wanted to do more things, but looking back, I don't believe I missed out. I only did a few things here and there: non-competitive basketball for a few months, pep squad/cheerleading for a couple of years, yearbook staff, newspaper staff, homecoming/safe grad committees....anything after which I could ride that bus home. But truly, looking back, they didn't really benefit me (except that I learned how to use my abdominal muscles to yell cheers effectively, so I use that technique now to get my kids out of the woods, :lol:).

 

I grew up in the boonies, and we WERE the neighbourhood kids! :D Just me and my siblings, roaming the field, roads, and streams. My kids are sort of growing up the same way, only they don't roam by themselves except in the backyard and partway up into the woods. Sometimes it bothers me that we don't live closer to other kids/families we enjoy, or to the pool or other activity places they might enjoy, but most of the time I am thankful that we are "forced" to have a pretty quiet life. New neighbours moved next to us last year; they have two little boys who run into and around our yard on the weekends, so my kids have a chance to play whatever games with them, and that's nice (except they may move soon). But I really am truly thankful now that we didn't get onto the activity train that so many others around us are on. When I was tutoring reading, I had a student (who was just 5!) who had two siblings. He came to me twice a week, and his father always had all three kids. The father was constantly on the road, taking three kids in three different directions, EVERY AFTERNOON AND EVENING. These kids were 8yo and under! I do not want that life for my family. And though my kids sometimes say, "Why can't you sign us up for such-n-such? So-n-so gets to!" - it's rare, and my kids have mostly settled and become content with their family life - being with us, visiting other families together, playing with Legos, drawing, playing with the dollhouse, making up Star Wars games to play outside, chasing a ball around the yard, etc..

 

I think I've become purposeful in this now. We carefully guard our family life so it can be peaceful, and we try to get together with families, as families, just to share food, play, and life. Not as often as I'd like, but when we do, it's nice.

 

So, no, I don't think you are just being a romantic - I still think it's possible and I'm doing my best to live it out!! I know my kids won't stay with us forever, and that they will branch out when they are older, but I am not in a hurry (nor am I financially and vehicularly :lol: able) to drive them hither and yon and launch them into all sorts of things. Besides, I have to give them their academic education, and that takes up time, and I have to teach them practical life skills and that takes time. I also want to teach them a bit about running their own businesses, and help them develop some creativity in this respect, and THAT will take time. So we really don't have time to get involved in "extracurricular" activities anyway. The only thing I am just recently considering is joining a small, twice-monthly co-op that two ladies I know fairly well (and whose families we really enjoy) are starting up, just for the purpose of doing "extras" *together.*

 

Don't give up, JoAnn! I began studying piano around my 40th birthday.

 

And it's comments like this that reassure me that "extracurriculars" do not have to occur from age 3 to 18 or else it's too late!!!:lol: I took my first ballet class at 25, and Irish step-dance at 32. And I learned to knit when I was 39. And I don't plan to stop learning new things, ever.

 

Keep on dreaming, Jane! You inspire others.

Edited June 4, 2010 by Colleen in NS

[Guest janainaz]

I grew up in Oklahoma and I did gymnastics, soccer, basketball, and softball through the private school I attended. I had to be toted around for all those activities. When I moved to CA in the 6th grade to live with my mother, I did not do any extra curricular activities at all. It really would have been good for me at that time of my life. But we did not have a bunch of kids playing outside and organizing activities. If I had not signed up for sports and gymnastics, I would have been sitting around.

 

However, my parents talk about my step-sister and the crazy activities of all three of her kids. They all attend public school and they are each involved in an activity or sport (and one is in two activities), and of course a lot of church stuff too. My parents watch all the kids now-and-then and have to make sure they all get to their activities and they are exhausted by the end of the week, and then the weekend is filled with going from this game, to that play, to this dance recital..... It's nuts. I'd go insane.

 

Our kids play sports, but they also take breaks. I really don't mind going to practices and getting OUT of the house. I love to sit and watch them and I look foward to game day on Saturday. But nowadays there is a pressure to make sure your kids are involved in something, even if they don't want to be and it's overkill.

 

If your kids have plenty of play time and can play with kids outside as easily as they can on a team, I think that is great. I wish my boys had many boys to play with here. Unless my kids really desire to participate, I don't press the issue. I will say that we watch too much TV at my house. When my kids are involved in activities, it keeps us out more, and that is always a nice change of pace. But when it grows tiresome and you're overloaded, it's time to slow things down. No matter what, it should be enjoyable.

[Jane in NC]

 

So, no, I don't think you are just being a romantic - I still think it's possible and I'm doing my best to live it out!! I know my kids won't stay with us forever, and that they will branch out when they are older, but I am not in a hurry (nor am I financially and vehicularly :lol: able) to drive them hither and yon and launch them into all sorts of things.

 

 

 

Well you can always make up new words as a hobby!

 

It occurred to me as I was reading this thread that I should have mentioned I did have an annual summer activity when growing up. One year I did Summer Fun at the YWCA (swimming lessons, outdoor activities). Another year I took a pottery class at the art museum, etc. But much of my summer life revolved around reading, biking, swimming, dreaming under the maple tree... I certainly did not get shuffled from thing to thing.

 

There seemed to be a small baby boom in the neighborhood when I was in high school. As the only teen, I had babysitting jobs several nights a week. I was paid to do my homework and read which wasn't too bad of a deal.

[littlebug42]

When I was really little (4-5 or so), I took ballet lessons but I hated it. I did one year of girl scouts but that didn't last. In 5th grade, I started playing the flute and started private lessons. I continued and in high school picked up the oboe for which I also had private lessons. Then, Mom paid the fees for me to be in marching band. I hated sports so that was never an issue for me.

I want my kids to have opportunities that I didn't have but we have to limit them. Right now it is girl scouts plus one activity. We also hope to add violin lessons for our oldest soon.

[TravelingChris]

I did all kinds of activities and my dh did not get to do almost anything. He thought my childhood was much better and so we have had our kids do activities. They change depending where we are living but there is always something in the year. Over the years that has including Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, 4H, music lessons, choirs, theater, soccer, Karate, swim and dive, sailing camp, wildlife camp, youth groups, and I am sure other things too. OUr kids have loved doing these things and we think it has helped them in many ways. Have they had as much neighborhood play as we did? No. Only my oldest and middle had almost any and that was when we lived on a military base. Otherwise, there were no children of their age around most times. Here my youngest has a homeschooled friend who lives a quarter mile away and they play at each others houses and in the woods. But no big neighborhood games. The youngest does occasionally play games at the pool with the neighborhood kids. Oh, and most of the activities my kids did never cost all that much. We did regular soccer, not travel teams. We did free or low cost choirs. The youth groups were inexpensive regardless if they were Boy Scouts or 4H or church ones. Swim and dive only costs me 90/child after our pool membership. Youth camps they did were not very expensive neither. Now I understand that for large families or families who make much less than we do, even these small expenses can be too much. One great and free activity my kids always loved are SUmmer Reading programs. They get prizes and there are special programs.

[Mommy22alyns]

I took combination dance classes for about 5 years. I remember wanting to join Girl Scouts but my parents wouldn't let me. And that's pretty much it.

[Daisy]

I didn't grow up having pricey extra-curricular activities.

 

I was a preacher's kid. Church activities were our extra-curricular.

 

Never resented it. Thought all those poor kids who were shlepped all over the place had to be miserable. I was having foot races in the church parking lot and playing fort with the neighbor kids.

 

My husband was forced to play sports (Junior High B team) because his Dad was the public school history teacher/coach. He is still, to this day, completely uninterested in sports of any kind. In high school he joined the band and liked that better.

 

We've had the kids play soccer (not AYSO. Just for fun) one season and paid for a year of piano lessons for our daughter. She wasn't interested in continuing piano & it was costing me over $100 a month anyway so we dropped it. Our son enjoyed soccer and I can see doing that again.

 

Basically, we don't consider it a priority at all.

[Lovedtodeath]

My parents did not give me the opportunity to take any extracurricular activities, and I always resented it.

:iagree:

[3lilreds in NC]

As a young child, I don't remember doing much. I did play tee ball/softball in the summer, and my dad coached. I have no idea where we got the equipment, but it must have been from whatever league we were with - probably through the school system. The only expense was a ball glove and, I think, a team t-shirt. I really stink at sports involving foreign objects and do not have fond memories of playing ball, other than my grandfather, who passed away when I was 13, helped coach.

 

When I was in middle school, I did cheerleading and track. I was a terrible cheerleader and only did it because anyone could join. I was also in band. In high school, I did band - our band was not separated into marching/concert/etc. so we all did marching band in the fall and concert band after football season was over. I also ran cross country and track, and did gymnastics (our team was so bad that I could start as a high schooler; we won't talk about that).

 

All my activities were through the school system and uniforms were provided. I had to buy running shoes, and whatever band shoes we had to wear. I played the flute, because my aunt had an old flute I could play, although my parents did get me a new one when all the right-hand keys fell off. :lol: I was able to play the piccolo because the school had some that I could use.

 

I did also take piano lessons, from a lovely woman in a nearby town. My sister got to take lessons from a music student at MSU, but she had much more talent and discipline than I did so she deserved them. :)

 

I was also pretty heavily involved in 4-H. I did horses for a year and lots of sewing. I tried Girl Scouts and didn't like it much.

 

Basically, I was able to take advantage of anything that was free or inexpensive. I didn't think of it that way at the time, though, and I don't resent it at all. I'm sure my parents did not think the running shoes were cheap! We lived in the sticks and so didn't have neighborhood friends; we had lots of cousins that we saw pretty regularly, but it wasn't a hang-out-daily-after-school situation - and my parents liked it that way. They kept pretty tight control of our social lives, another fact I didn't realize until I was an adult. :D

 

My kids have done a lot of activities, because I wanted them to be able to try things. Until we moved, Emma was dancing (ballet & tap) 3 days per week and Abbie was doing pre-team gymnastics 2 days per week. They also rode horses once a week. It was excessive and we will not be returning to that schedule. I am hoping they will choose to do horses, and maybe have 2 lessons per week, and get into 4-H.

 

We didn't have many kids to play with in our old neighborhood, because we homeschool and didn't know anyone else in the neighborhood who did. There are very few children in our new neighborhood, and most of them are younger or older than the girlies. So, we will be doing SOMETHING. We moved here just in time for the co-op and group activities to wrap up for the summer, so I'm not sure what we will be doing, exactly. I wish they had the opportunity to play with kids in the neighborhood. They get lonely, and so do I, so we are going to have to find some friends.

[mommabird]

If it weren't for girl scouts, then later church and even later band, I would have been more bored! If that is possible.

[fairfarmhand]

I tease him that he is the worlds only engineering, painting, farmer.

 

While he doesn't do the painting, my engineer dh is quite busy ranching!

 

 

COOL! There is another one out there!

 

MY dh loves that he breaks the typical engineer mold. Might I ask what kind of engineer yours is? Mine is civil.

[LibraryLover]

COOL! There is another one out there!

 

MY dh loves that he breaks the typical engineer mold. Might I ask what kind of engineer yours is? Mine is civil.

 

 

This is what I notice about scientists: They are interested in everything. My dh is a scientist, and he builds things, always has an idea etc. Whenever I talk with other spouses of scientists, male or female, it's clear to me that these folks have more interests and hobbies than your average person (ime) and have the brain power to make projects happen. They always have an idea. I'll go to someone's home...guy is an actuary or a chemist, and he (or she) has done some amazing home project. "Who bulit that fabulous playhouse? What an amazing garden. Where did you get that gorgeous gazebo? " etc. It's always, 'My partner, (the geek) built/made/designed it". I love it.

 

It keeps life interesting. I think my dh can fix nearly anything, and he is passing that skill onto his kids. The other day,in an afternoon, he built a moveable chicken pen with materials that were in the barn. He didn't buy a single thing...and we are not packrats.

 

Scientists are not one-dementional nerds! They are creative, and are always thinking outside the box! They are cool. My dh is also a musician. Right-brainers unite. :lol: Apollo 13, anyone? <Guy dumps out box of crap and tells fellow scientists that these are the materials available on the ship, and they have to figure out how they could be used to save the astronauts' lives>

Edited June 4, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Nan in Mass]

Well, they could run around in the woods with sticks covered in pool noodle or pipe insulation and duct tape, whacking at each other. That is relatively cheap. Or they could spend all their pocket money on suitcases of little model monsters and convince the library to order all the expensive rule books and let them use the huge conference tables to play battles on. That is child-organized. Or they could get a skateboard and try to break something checking out the skateboard parks in France and Scotland. Or they could race their dirtbikes around on thin ice and have to be fished out when they fall through. Or they could see who can jump farthest over logs on their iceskates. Or they could break their arms playing playground soccer. Or they could run around in leaky canoes catching their supper in between bailing. Or they could add a motor to their bikes and nearly kill themselves. Or they could try to burn the house down leaving on their soldering iron. Or they could do parcour. Or they could try out their scouting knots rappelling out of the biggest trees they can find. Or they could come back from bouldering with bloody noses. Or they could race their bikes down all the steep hills in town and come home with concussions from hitting trees. Or they could go camping and stand back to back whacking at coyotes with sticks. Or their parents could spend lots of money signing them up for nice, relatively safe organized sports and music lessons and spend lots of time with them in the car driving from here to there. Sigh. We've done both. Generally, it has seemed like a good idea to use their childhood to develop the coordination (gymnastics) and the emotional outlets (music lesson) they will need to survive as high strung, adventurous adults. I have needed the additional parenting help from their coaches to get them through their teens. It hasn't been a bad idea to keep them busy so they stay out of trouble, either. Or at least, stay out of less trouble. I guess I would worry if they didn't have any time just playing with their friends, but we've managed to do both, mostly by refusing to be too competative with the sports.

 

-Nan

[HeatherM]

I think the extra curriculars got crazy after Moms and Dads started having less children. Children used to play a lot with their own siblings, but when the number of children went way down, the desire for socialization with other kids grew. But now I think it has changed into, "Well, there are all these sports and activities available, and everyone I know has their kids involved in something. So we probably should get our kids involved too." I don't care for extra activities. They really mess up my dinner plans.

[DarlaS]

I had hobbies as a kid. I had animals and was in 4H when I was older (started at about age 13). None of this was cheap, but no where near as much as some people spend on competitive sports type activities for one child - and never mind the traveling.

 

I also wandered through our 80 acre woods, weeded the garden, washed the family cars, swept my dad's workshop, dug through interesting stuff stored here and there (My parents kept everything), went fishing with neighbor kids, swam in a farm pond, crocheted, drew, read and just plain daydreamed. I'm sure I'm forgetting stuff. I was too busy for organized activities. I did girl scouts all of one year, and barely missed it after that.

 

Much of this was because my mom didn't make impromptu trips anywhere. She didn't want to "put miles on the car". I have no idea what that was all about. (Looking back, I think she just really hated driving.) I remember getting lectured all the way to school if I missed the bus. :glare: After school sports? No way. I never even really thought about it.

 

ETA: The bright side of a childhood like this, is that it still doesn't take much to entertain me. :D

[Rhonda in TX]

I was in band, but I never had private lessons, so it involved very little expense. I took baton lessons for a short period of time. I was in Girl Scouts for awhile. I never played sports because I wasn't interested. I went to camp a few summers, but didn't like it. Probably the most expensive thing I was involved in was youth group in high school - going out to eat, miscellaneous activities, etc.

 

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. My parents never had a lot of extra money, but I never felt deprived.

[Alphabetika]

I vividly remember when I was nine years old and I had taken tap dance lessons for three years. I started playing the flute at school and really loved it. My dad told me that I was going to have to choose between flute and dancing, because I wouldn't have enough time to devote to two different pursuits and be diligent. I chose flute and never regretted it. But I can't imagine most of the parents I know requiring their kids to make that choice - many do a sport, a music lesson, church activities, outside classes, and even more. I am no different, except we don't do sports.

[Nan in Mass]

Thinking some more about this... I think I got the self-discipline I need to homeschool from my years of ballet lessons. I wanted that and the basic coordination for my children, too. And I get endless comfort and entertainment and emotional release from being able to make music, and wanted that, too, for my children. I also want to point out that the way I manage to give both that and a more free-form childhood to my children is to sacrifice not only competativeness at sports but school as well. When it comes right down to it, we homeschooled so our children would have time to play and learn the things that the school wouldn't teach them. If they had stayed in school, we would have had to choose between the two. And I don't think children grow up well in our culture without time to play. Like Jane, it bothers me that so many children do only adult-led activities. I wonder if this is the reason schools have added in so many group projects. Much as I dislike them, they at least get children familiar with child-led projects. One learns the same sorts of lessons: some people don't pull their weight, some people are bossy, you have to compromise to get anything done, some people won't compromise, some people get upset over the details, some people start with the details without working out the plan first, sometimes it is surprising what hurts people feelings, etc.

-Nan

Edited June 4, 2010 by Nan in Mass

[Jane in NC]

When it comes right down to it, we homeschooled so our children would have time to play and learn the things that the school wouldn't teach them. If they had stayed in school, we would have had to choose between the two.

 

As I said in my initial post, I am doing a lot of reflection as my son leaves the nest. Further, there are ongoing discussions on these boards regarding extracurriculars consuming time and dollars, as well as the whole free range debate. Then I spend a fair amount of time at the beach where I watch children play. They pour water, dig sand, chase crabs. No adult organization required although participation is often appreciated.

 

Reading through the pages, I realize that I never considered music (piano or Kindermusik for that matter) an extracurricular. My son had eight years of piano lessons. It was life, not an extra.

 

But really it was the sports thing that got my gears going. I think organized sports are really good for some kids. My son's friend who plays football and wrestles seems to need bursts of extreme physical activity for his mind to work on his academics. I think that the boy must come from stock that spent hours in the fields doing hard work. This kid can just go and go...

 

A friend who has two middle school children recently commented on something that her pediatrician said. Friend has made a point of having kids involved in numerous activities, physical and mental. The price has been McDonalds and Pizza Hut three times a week. Her doctor said, "Are you really doing your kids a favor?" Heather said it better:

 

I don't care for extra activities. They really mess up my dinner plans.

 

As usual, balance is key.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I had piano but I babysat in exchange for lessons.

We had only two family vacations in my entire life.

 

We did, however, have each other and a Mom who read to us. Books were to be had by the armful at the library and cats and a dog and room to run and play. We had a sandbox and a swing and a see saw my Dad built and a pond a short walk away.

 

We got to go to summer camp one year, I think my grandparents paid for it but mostly summers were spent on the beach, playing all day in the sand and surf and tidepools. Or at the pond for swimming lessons and play.

 

Until I was 10 or so we would often get to sail with my grandparents.

 

My childhood was rich in love, not expensive extras and I treasure my memories.

[Nan in Mass]

It isn't just the actual food. You don't have to do bad-for-you fast-food; I shoved hard boiled eggs and little carrots into the back seat with my children as we dashed off to gym, or thermouses of Annie's mac and cheese. They gulped down a glass of milk on while they changed into their gym clothes. I consider regular family dinners, with discussions and table manners, the biggest sacrifice we made for sports. I'm a bad person to discuss this with, though, because gymnastics training has saved my children's lives. I would gladly trade table manners for their lives.

-Nan

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

I was in band, but I never had private lessons, so it involved very little expense. I took baton lessons for a short period of time. I was in Girl Scouts for awhile. I never played sports because I wasn't interested. I went to camp a few summers, but didn't like it. Probably the most expensive thing I was involved in was youth group in high school - going out to eat, miscellaneous activities, etc.

 

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. My parents never had a lot of extra money, but I never felt deprived.

 

My best friend has a child in public high school. He participates in marching band. Fees start at $500 per year (uniforms, fancy polo shirts), plus the cost of field trips to amusement parks and such. She just came back from the first band boosters meeting of the 2010-11 school year. The band is going to Disney in FL. Charter bus is going to cost $18K (recent chartered bus trip involved a bus with flip down tvs). Each child will have to come up with $750 for the trip. He hubby wants her to go as well, so you can imagine the bill for this trip.....

 

All she can say is, "thank God for credit cards." :001_huh:

 

I was in band and marching band throughout high school. We paid something like $25 for uniform rental/cleaning and bought our spats and shoes. We didn't have any other fees (but then again, we never went on field trips) and we rode school buses to away games. I wouldn't not have had the experience if the costs were any higher. My parents weren't selfish, they just didn't have the money.

 

 

 

I don't think I've ever ridden in a chartered bus....

[angela in ohio]

Well, they could run around in the woods with sticks covered in pool noodle or pipe insulation and duct tape, whacking at each other. That is relatively cheap.-Nan

 

Exactly how my dc (enrolled in several outside activities) spent the day yesterday. :D Some days I drive them to a friend's house so that they can war against other young people (also enrolled in several outside activities) with weapons made of insulation and duct tape.

 

Like you, we do both, but avoid the really competitive stuff (other than music, which can be competitive without taking up a ton of time.) That's how I grew up. I was in band and did a lot of summer camps (even computers, the newest thing! :D) and activities at school. I also spent much of my time riding my bike to the pool all summer or running through everyone's backyards with the neighborhood kids. I spent the most time reading, of course. :001_smile:

[justamouse]

T When it comes right down to it, we homeschooled so our children would have time to play and learn the things that the school wouldn't teach them. If they had stayed in school, we would have had to choose between the two. And I don't think children grow up well in our culture without time to play. Like Jane, it bothers me that so many children do only adult-led activities. I wonder if this is the reason schools have added in so many group projects. Much as I dislike them, they at least get children familiar with child-led projects. One learns the same sorts of lessons: some people don't pull their weight, some people are bossy, you have to compromise to get anything done, some people won't compromise, some people get upset over the details, some people start with the details without working out the plan first, sometimes it is surprising what hurts people feelings, etc.

-Nan

 

:iagree::iagree:

[kelouis75]

I did ballet and Girl Scouts in elementary school, but by the time I was in middle school, I had traded them for school clubs and activities. Maybe I should say my parents steered me in that direction :auto:. We were very fortunate to live in a good district with a good arts program. I played flute, and participated in drama and debate.

 

We don't participate in a lot of expensive extras, my daughter did do ballet at first. We had to stop. And they had swim lessons, but beyond that they are pretty free... They play with friends, read a lot, draw, and create things...

Edited June 4, 2010 by kelouis75

[runamuk]

I didn't do many extra-curricular activities as a kid. We all took swimming lessons and my sisters and I did a few weeks of gymnastics. I spent 2 years in Brownie/Girl Scouts. I was on the swimming team in middle school and the diving team in my freshman year.

 

There weren't many extra-curriculars available outside of school. Most kids didn't do anything beyond swimming lessons until 6th grade, when softball was the only option. Once we got into middle school, there were a lot of choices (sporting and academic) but most kids picked one activity and stuck with it.

 

We spent our free time reading or wandering the neighborhood with our friends. We'd go into the woods next to the cemetery and try to scare the daylights out of each other. We'd ride our bikes to the pond to fish in the summer and beg our parents to drive us to the same pond to ice skate in the winter.

[fairfarmhand]

This is what I notice about scientists: They are interested in everything. My dh is a scientist, and he builds things, always has an idea etc. Whenever I talk with other spouses of scientists, male or female, it's clear to me that these folks have more interests and hobbies than your average person (ime) and have the brain power to make projects happen. They always have an idea. I'll go to someone's home...guy is an actuary or a chemist, and he (or she) has done some amazing home project. "Who bulit that fabulous playhouse? What an amazing garden. Where did you get that gorgeous gazebo? " etc. It's always, 'My partner, (the geek) built/made/designed it". I love it.

 

It keeps life interesting. I think my dh can fix nearly anything, and he is passing that skill onto his kids. The other day,in an afternoon, he built a moveable chicken pen with materials that were in the barn. He didn't buy a single thing...and we are not packrats.

 

Scientists are not one-dementional nerds! They are creative, and are always thinking outside the box! They are cool. My dh is also a musician. Right-brainers unite. :lol: Apollo 13, anyone? <Guy dumps out box of crap and tells fellow scientists that these are the materials available on the ship, and they have to figure out how they could be used to save the astronauts' lives>

 

 

This absolutely is my guy. He likes the outdoors (one reason he works where he does is that he is not tethered to a desk and computer for the whole work week) he built a barn, he fixes stuff; Last week he disassembled our upstairs windows since the couch we bought wouldn't fit up the stairs. Then he put it on the tractor loader and fit it through the window. Amazingly the window still works correctly

 

Sometimes it drives me nuts. Two days ago he was researching how the nutritional content of hay is affected when it gets rained on. Guess what? Our hay has been rained on TWICE! Now he's grumpy cause he knows exactly what our cows would have been getting vs. what they are getting now.

[LibraryLover]

LOL Sometimes I tell DH, "Take a nap, you're exhausting me".

 

This absolutely is my guy. He likes the outdoors (one reason he works where he does is that he is not tethered to a desk and computer for the whole work week) he built a barn, he fixes stuff; Last week he disassembled our upstairs windows since the couch we bought wouldn't fit up the stairs. Then he put it on the tractor loader and fit it through the window. Amazingly the window still works correctly

 

Sometimes it drives me nuts. Two days ago he was researching how the nutritional content of hay is affected when it gets rained on. Guess what? Our hay has been rained on TWICE! Now he's grumpy cause he knows exactly what our cows would have been getting vs. what they are getting now.

[Debora R]

I begged for Brownies/Girls Scouts and/or Piano lessons as a child. I didn't get either one. I wasn't allowed to participate in after school or community activities until Jr. High, when I was allowed to join the school newspaper and the Youth Choir at my parents' church.....even then I frequently got pulled early from meetings, missed practices, etc. I quit the choir after I missed the regionals competition (That was bizzarre, I was dressed to go, we got in the car, and Dad went to the coffee shop instead of taking me to the church...he just didn't drop me off - no explanation EVER given). But then, Dad was like that.

 

I did join NJROTC in high school, that required some after school stuff (that occasionally caused some friction because I took care of my Grandfather -he lived with us- after school). I joined the Spanish Club too, but wasn't allowed to stay for meetings and had to drop it.

 

So no, no expensive extracurricular activities for me, or my brother. I want my kids to have some of the opportunities that I wanted, but never got to enjoy (yeah, there's some heartache in there).

[MeganW]

Ding, ding! I know a few moms who seem at a loss with what to do with their children at home, and also feel guilty about working, so they sign their kids up for everything. That must be an exhausting way to live.

 

That's not the way it is for everybody!

 

My mom was a stay-at-home mom who was always the first to volunteer at school, lead the Sunday School class, etc. She was what I would consider involved to the perfect degree - she knew everyone around us so she always knew what was going on, but gave us a little space.

 

We were involved in a TON of extracurriculars. During our elementary years, we had one activity every single day except Sundays. Girl Scouts, dance, church, violin, etc. She had a little list that she worked from: one music activity, one ball sport, one non-ball sport (gymnastics, dance, swim, etc.), one activity that focused on "moral fiber", etc. We had one activity from each group on the list. You could switch from year-to-year, but not mid-year.

 

She drove us around A LOT. And she drove all our friends too. As she says, "I kept y'all way too busy to get into any trouble!"

 

Her thought was that by dedicating the elementary years to practicing a variety of things, you got at least a rudimentary exposure to everything, and could figure out what you might like to continue.

 

By middle school, we were doing dance & gymnastics several days a week, and taking musical instrument lessons, but had dropped the rest. By high school, we were the leaders in the band.

 

It does NOT replace all free time. We usually went straight to our activity from school. We were home by 430/5, brains rested and ready for homework. My dad worked late most evenings, so after homework we went outside to play until he got home. (My mom was one of those who believed that short of a lightning/thunder storm, there is no such thing as weather too bad to go out in!). Then we had a family dinner (usually 730 or so). Was it the hours of free time that some of you had? Well, no, but I would consider myself to be pretty creative, despite being a CPA in my former lifetime!

 

I learned SO MUCH from all those activities. And I am following my mom's lead with my kids! They do swimming, gymnastics/sports skills development (The Little Gym), ballet, Music Together, AWANA, church Cherub choir, and library storyhour. Of course, they are still only in school a few hours a day, so maybe things will change. Maybe, but doubtful!

Edited June 4, 2010 by MeganW

[MeganW]

A friend who has two middle school children recently commented on something that her pediatrician said. Friend has made a point of having kids involved in numerous activities, physical and mental. The price has been McDonalds and Pizza Hut three times a week. Her doctor said, "Are you really doing your kids a favor?"

 

Clearly she needs to become better acquainted with her crockpot! :)

[angela in ohio]

Ding, ding! I know a few moms who seem at a loss with what to do with their children at home, and also feel guilty about working, so they sign their kids up for everything. That must be an exhausting way to live.

 

I think some also (homeschooling, though, not working outside the home) who don't think it's rewarding to parent unles there are other people involved. I know moms who don't spend any time alone with their dc, and I think it's because no one else can see it. They need to be in a social environment or somewhere where they will be praised.

[caitlinsmom]

I grew up wanting to do a lot of different activities. I played the viola in Jr. High but there was no cost for that. I wanted to play the flute, violin, gymnastics and girl scouts. My parents wouldn't pay the bills so I would be asked to leave. In high school I was choosen to go to a writing camp but my mom took the enrollment money and spent it at the bar.

 

I only regret not going to the writing camp. All the other things would have been fun but I definately don't think my childhood was missing on that sort of thing. If I wanted to sing, friends and I would start a "band" and rock our little hearts out. If I wanted to play a sport I would either join the boys out on the street for football or in high school we would hang out at the park with a soccer ball.

 

I have the best memories associated with friends and fun times because there was never a rigid schedual imposed on me. I will not let my kids get involved with every single thing that sounds fun. I would rather them build good solid friendships that cart them around to practice with a bunch of kids that are just on the team. My kids can choose an instrument and an activity if they want. I want them to choose something that will help build their confidence and give them something to be proud of, but I won't push it if they aren't interested.

 

So far dd plays the violin and wants to get into horseback riding. Ds is into the guitar and plays with dh, but has shown no interest in sports of any kind.

[Jenny in GA]

This thread reminds me of a couple conversations I had a couple years ago.

 

Two completely unrelated women were talking about their kids (one was about six, the other about twelve) were involved in a lot of activities, and we both commented in the conversation that it was a lot of driving, AND a lot of money.

 

Both of them had the same defense. Instead of saying, "Well, it's great exercise" or "it teaches great discipline" or even just "well she loves it so much," they said:

 

 

"Well, if we don't sign him up for these things, he would just sit and watch TV all summer/all evening."

 

Huh?

 

You can't figure out something else your kids could do? You can't say to them, "Turn off the TV?" The only way to keep them from watching TV all day is to spend several hundred dollars driving him to scheduled activities?

 

Weird.

 

Jenny

[jujsky]

I played soccer (through the town & not expensive) because my dad more or less forced me to. I hated it & didn't do it the following year. Once I hit jr. high I got into theater & spent all of jr. high & high school doing that. It wasn't expensive (free through the school) but it was very time-consuming. I wouldn't have had it any other way. I made the best friends doing it & enjoyed it so much!

[MeganW]

I think some also (homeschooling, though, not working outside the home) who don't think it's rewarding to parent unles there are other people involved. I know moms who don't spend any time alone with their dc, and I think it's because no one else can see it. They need to be in a social environment or somewhere where they will be praised.

 

That hurts, honestly. As members of a group whose life decision (homeschooling) isn't always respected by others, I would assume that people here would be more respectful of people who make different decisions.

 

I spend the vast majority of every day with my kids. It would be MUCH EASIER for me to just send them out to play and sit inside and play on the computer or talk to friends, but instead, I am giving up that time to do what is best for my kids. And I think that means working to acquire at least a minimal knowledge of a vast array of activities, so that they can figure out what they like, and so they can at least get by in the other things. (There is nothing worse than the company kickball game when you are the only one who can't kick, or the company Christmas party where everyone except you dances! Well, certainly there are many worse things, but you know what I mean.) So yes, I spend a lot of time running them around. But believe me, I am VERY comfortable spending time with my kids, and these activities have nothing to do with trying to show off, or keep up with anyone else, or whatever.

 

A lot of these posts seem very judgemental.

[rafiki]

.

[Daisy]

"Well, if we don't sign him up for these things, he would just sit and watch TV all summer/all evening."

 

Huh?

 

You can't figure out something else your kids could do? You can't say to them, "Turn off the TV?" The only way to keep them from watching TV all day is to spend several hundred dollars driving him to scheduled activities?

 

Weird.

 

Jenny

 

Yeah, that is about the only thing that bugs me about my pro-extra curricular friends. Pretty much for them (and by no means am I saying that is true of everyone or even the folks on this board) it is all about getting their kids out from under their hair. If they didn't get their kids involved in all these activities, they feel like they'd have to be the entertainment committee or their kid would sit around playing videos all day.

 

To me, this boils down to a fundamental difference in parenting philosophy so I don't say anything anymore. The idea that my children would sit around doing nothing but watching cable tv and playing video games is laughable.

 

That said, I don't have a problem with a family choosing to put their children in extra-curricular activities because the children are genuinely interested. I just don't see any need to force it or make it a financial priority otherwise.

[Penelope]

I had music lessons.

 

There weren't sports for girls until middle school, and that was through the school. Even for boys there was little league and that was it. There was no travelling soccer or taekwondo for the very young children.

[TrixieB]

My parents did not give me the opportunity to take any extracurricular activities, and I always resented it. I envied the girls in Girl Scouts on the days they wore their uniforms to school. When I was 5, I asked for a piano and lessons; they bought me a guitar and a book. I've never given up on learning to play the piano some day.

It sounds like we had the same parents.

 

My plastic guitar didn't come with a book.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

I had no extras and worked full time while putting myself through college.

:iagree::grouphug:I worked part time to pay for my High School. It was pay for it myself or go back to Public School, which was free.

[Caroline]

I did all sorts of activities. We still had neighborhood kickball games.

 

We just had a huge frisbee football game in our cul de sac. It was totally kid run. We had kids from 3 years old to 17 years old playing. We had both boys and girls. Every kid playing, except my three year old, plays an organized sport. Most of the kids are on select or travel teams.

 

I don't think it has to be an either/or thing. During the school year, they don't play together every night, but they do still play a few times a week. They play kickball, manhunt, soccer, lacrosse, lahocker, which is some sort of lacrosse, hockey, soccer hybrid, and, well, you get the picture. These are all kids with access to cable tv, video games, and computers. There are public schooled, private schooled, and home schooled kids in the mix.

 

A few of the older neighbors walk down to our cul de sac during the games. They say how nice it is to have kids back on the street playing. They sometimes even kick a soccer ball or run the bases.

 

I do think these unorganized times are as important as the organized sports and lessons. I am happy to live where these things still happen. (And we had a mean sharks and minnows game at the pool, too. Why am I always the only mom with wet hair at the pool?)

[Lovedtodeath]

 

I do think these unorganized times are as important as the organized sports and lessons. I am happy to live where these things still happen. (And we had a mean sharks and minnows game at the pool, too. Why am I always the only mom with wet hair at the pool?)

I'd rather have fun than worry about wet hair!

[Jean in Newcastle]

I did all sorts of activities. We still had neighborhood kickball games.

 

We just had a huge frisbee football game in our cul de sac. It was totally kid run. We had kids from 3 years old to 17 years old playing. We had both boys and girls. Every kid playing, except my three year old, plays an organized sport. Most of the kids are on select or travel teams.

 

I don't think it has to be an either/or thing. During the school year, they don't play together every night, but they do still play a few times a week. They play kickball, manhunt, soccer, lacrosse, lahocker, which is some sort of lacrosse, hockey, soccer hybrid, and, well, you get the picture. These are all kids with access to cable tv, video games, and computers. There are public schooled, private schooled, and home schooled kids in the mix.

 

A few of the older neighbors walk down to our cul de sac during the games. They say how nice it is to have kids back on the street playing. They sometimes even kick a soccer ball or run the bases.

 

I do think these unorganized times are as important as the organized sports and lessons. I am happy to live where these things still happen. (And we had a mean sharks and minnows game at the pool, too. Why am I always the only mom with wet hair at the pool?)

 

Your cul-de-sac sounds like a blast!

[Nicole M]

I think some also (homeschooling, though, not working outside the home) who don't think it's rewarding to parent unles there are other people involved. I know moms who don't spend any time alone with their dc, and I think it's because no one else can see it. They need to be in a social environment or somewhere where they will be praised.

 

Very interesting observation. I don't know other homeschool parents in real life, so I haven't had an opportunity to see this. I have, however, noticed many, many times, in public places, "parenting" that is all show, for the benefit of persons who happen to be present, not the child who is receiving the "parenting." I have seen it so often, mainly in stores or the library, that I have thought many times about asking about this phenomenon here on the board. Usually the mini-lecture sickens me, as it is totally inappropriate for the age of the child, or just utterly misguided, and almost always supremely passive-aggressive. Although it's not exactly what you've mentioned, it's a similar thing, a need to be seen engaged in the act of parenting. We're a peculiar culture.

 

Straying very far from the topic here. Sorry.

[angela in ohio]

Very interesting observation. I don't know other homeschool parents in real life, so I haven't had an opportunity to see this. I have, however, noticed many, many times, in public places, "parenting" that is all show, for the benefit of persons who happen to be present, not the child who is receiving the "parenting." I have seen it so often, mainly in stores or the library, that I have thought many times about asking about this phenomenon here on the board. Usually the mini-lecture sickens me, as it is totally inappropriate for the age of the child, or just utterly misguided, and almost always supremely passive-aggressive. Although it's not exactly what you've mentioned, it's a similar thing, a need to be seen engaged in the act of parenting. We're a peculiar culture.

 

Straying very far from the topic here. Sorry.

 

We call that "Performance Parenting." The bigger the performance in public, the less of a parent the person usually is IRL. :D I had a HS friend who used to performance parent MY children on field trips. I knew her well enough to know her dc were pretty neglected at home, so it seemed really sad. My kids would just look at me :confused:. I think performance parents are a subset of the people I describe. I agree it's cultural; women come to think things don't 'count' if they are only for the benefit of their own family.