Why are co-op's so...rigid? minor vent

[Mynyel]

I was looking into a co-op in my area and perhaps I am the one being rigid but why do they have so many blasted rules? :mad:

 

For instance one rule is parents who are cohabiting (not married but living together and have kids) can't join this co-op. And this same co-op says that this type of environment is incapable :001_huh:of providing a nurturing environment for children. So your not married so you can't possible be nurturing your children as commanded by God. :confused:They do graciously make an exception for single parents..humph isn't divorce frowned up on the Bible too? What about children born out of wedlock? Cohabiting is unacceptable but divorce and out of wedlock isn't? I would say you should be "exempt" from the rule if your a widow or widower. Just pointing things out here not trying to stir a debate. :001_smile:

 

Then there is the dress code. Apparently parents can't figure out what they want kids to wear because there are guidelines on what to wear and not wear. No tank tops. I live in tank tops...whats that matter with those? Sleeves must we at least 3" thick. Why 3? What if it's 2.75? I mean it gets into the high 80's and no tank tops?? I mean the spaghetti straps I kinda understand...although depending on how you act in them doesn't mean they are immodest to me but...Oh and pants have to be worn near the waistline, no low risers there. /snort good luck finding them.

 

Why not just hand out uniforms? Sheesh

 

Maybe it is my PMS right now (:glare:) that has be disliking this but I do. It is utterly preposterous to me to have regulations such as these. It makes me really not want to join the co-op however the only other place I know of that does this is about 5 times more expensive if not more.

 

I mean am I over reacting here? I have always been one to hate to many restrictions. Always made me want to buck the system rather than make good choices.

 

I thought of starting my own blasted co-op except we are also thinking of moving and I don't want to start something I can't finish.

 

Anyhow...thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Now to debate on joining or not. Guess it is really up to the kiddos!

[DaffodilDreams]

Wow! I wouldn't even want to be part of something like that.

[elegantlion]

Okay, I've heard a lot of rules, but dictating where your pants fall on your hips? :confused: Wouldn't it have been easier to say no bare midriffs?

 

This just screams for recalling an oldie but goodie, Mom Jeans.

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

Skip it, get a membership to a museum or the zoo instead.

[Penelope]

They can be however they want to be, because the people that start them make the rules. :tongue_smilie: Anyone is welcome to organize and start their own co-op.

 

I can imagine why they have the co-habitation rule. Are the parents the ones teaching? I can imagine several reasons for that.

 

Yeah, the dress code seems rigid. I guess if you are going to have rules, maybe they feel it is best to spell it out so they don't have teens and parents arguing with them over what is too short and what isn't. I truly don't understand the problem some people seem to have with tank tops, either. I don't think people's upper arms are that particularly enticing. :tongue_smilie:

 

However, in the case of co-ops, people can make whatever rules they want to. Join, or don't. Perhaps they want it to be very small and exclusive.

[Miss Marple]

We have a similar rule because of low riding pants on fellas. We don't want to see their boxers! I know the boys think boxers are fun, but we really don't want to see *anyone's* undergarments. Co-op is one day a week here - they can comply for the 3-4 hours a week or find somewhere else.

 

ETA: And to answer the original question: Why are co-ops so rigid? Because someone at sometime used very poor judgment in dress/behavior. And it's not easy being in the leadership making the rules. But someone has to...or anarchy reigns. It's a shame we can't trust one another to use good judgment, but there it is - I've seen way too much over the past 8 years.

Edited May 8, 2010 by CynthiaOK

[TravelingChris]

THose are the strickest rules I have seen in a co-op. Not the cohabitation, though I have no idea how that would be handled. But the length of the sleeves and no low risers. I do like to wear higher pants but am finding them hard to find. We just have no underwear showing and shirts tucked in rule here. We even allow shorts, though not short shorts. No tank tops though.

[Miss Marple]

We even allow shorts, though not short shorts. No tank tops though.

 

We do also. But it's amazing how many folks will wear something and think it's OK because it wasn't spelled out specifically in the "rules". So I think many of these co-ops who appear so strict are just covering their bases and spelling it all out. We don't go that far, but when our co-op was much larger, we had so many kids pushing the boundaries! And one cannot rely on the mom to take appropriate measures even though you'd think one could.

[phathui5]

Eh, I'd just skip it.

[ZooRho]

ETA: And to answer the original question: Why are co-ops so rigid? Because someone at sometime used very poor judgment in dress/behavior. And it's not easy being in the leadership making the rules. But someone has to...or anarchy reigns. It's a shame we can't trust one another to use good judgment, but there it is - I've seen way too much over the past 8 years.

 

YEs rules are there because some one crossed the line of where the leadership of the group thought the group should go. I've been a part of a coop for 14 years now. There are rules, and more rules than we had in the begining. But they are rules I'm willing to follow-or that fit my life so it doesn't affect me.

 

Are people left out yes I am sure but the group isn't there for everyone and they don't claim to be.

 

We had some huge issues once and it caused lots of grief. So rules were put into place to prevent it from happening again.

 

If you don't like the rules then start your own group. It is a bit frustrating to know that others some times expect that they can use, but then don't like the rules. It isn't easy haveing group and figuring out where you want to go with it. I wished we could get some others in our area to start some coops it would really be good for the area.

[Snickerdoodle]

Do you have to give a copy of your marriage certificate?

[Blessedfamily]

Do you have to give a copy of your marriage certificate?

 

:001_smile:

[Sputterduck]

One reason my son doesn't go to public school is all the ridiculous rules, and I'm a pretty strict Christian. I love the freedom that homeschooling offers. I would not for any reason join something that has so many rules. Clearly they don't think their members are capable of common sense.

[milovany]

This just screams for recalling an oldie but goodie, Mom Jeans.

 

:lol:

 

That link deserves its own spinoff thread.

[Wheres Toto]

I definitely wouldn't join a group with such strict rules. The attire doesn't get to me as much as the judgemental attitude. I've seen couples who co-habitate temporarily while preparing for the wedding, who are waiting for annulments in order to re-marry in their church or have other legal issues. Do these things really tell anything about what kind of people/parents they are?

 

The divorce/out-of-wedlock/widowed/single parent thing would probably require them to ask too many questions to be able to make those decisions. I could just see someone asking me if my oldest is so much older than my others because its a second marriage or was she an out-of-wedlock "oops", then if second marriage having to ask if I was widowed or not. Do they then ask why my first marriage didn't work out and decide if it was a valid reason? You'd have to take a life history to be able to exclude parents for those reasons. Not that I don't think some would try if they thought they could get away with it.

[Carrie12345]

Eh, their group, their rules.

But I wouldn't join.

 

I wonder what they'd do with me. I used to cohabitate with ds's bio-father. I'm now a "respectable" married woman, but never married *him. And I don't regret it. Somewhat surprisingly, it comes up in conversation pretty often!

[Blessedfamily]

Okay, I've heard a lot of rules, but dictating where your pants fall on your hips? :confused: Wouldn't it have been easier to say no bare midriffs?

 

This just screams for recalling an oldie but goodie, Mom Jeans.

 

Some people still wear those.

[Willow]

Because co-ops seem to be turning into schools.

 

Don't go, be free, learn, have fun! ;)

[Sputterduck]

Because co-ops seem to be turning into schools.

 

Don't go, be free, learn, have fun! ;)

 

 

I think so too. It's like people are running to exactly what they are running from.

[Mrs Mungo]

I had a friend who started homeschooling and wanted to know why I had not joined the co-op at our church. It was because of rules that were more stringent than the ones listed in the OP. She said "but you and your kids dress conservatively!" Maybe we do, but I didn't want to put us in a position where we could be nit-picked like that. That's why I don't send them to school.

 

Ultimately, it is the decision of the co-op, but it is guranteed to lose them some great families who aren't interested in weekly drama over who wore what.

[Hillary in KS]

ETA: And to answer the original question: Why are co-ops so rigid? Because someone at sometime used very poor judgment in dress/behavior. And it's not easy being in the leadership making the rules. But someone has to...or anarchy reigns. It's a shame we can't trust one another to use good judgment, but there it is - I've seen way too much over the past 8 years.

 

:iagree:

 

It's been our experience as well. In a co-op to which I belonged before we moved, we were fairly lax on rules. But not everyone has good motives and/or judgment. So rules were added and added and added.

 

If you think it's too rigid, then don't join. Not a big deal. No organization is all-inclusive. No group can possibly make everyone happy. Just keep looking until you find one you can be content in. :)

[Eleni]

My "favorite" rule a co-op I briefly considered joining had was that students may not have un- naturally colored hair. I had to wonder if it applied to parents as well because mine is always a shade of pink, purple or red

[Pretty in Pink]

Definetely not my 'cuppa' but live and let live I suppose...

[Laurie4b]

Or were the moms allowed to color their gray? So if you had roots showing, you could get kicked out maybe? :)

[TravelingChris]

One of ours had the color rule too. The director mentioned red hair and then immediately apologised as she noticed my dd looking astonished.

[Red]

I feel as if groups set rules they have their reasons. No group is set up to please and serve everyone. If you don't like the rules of a group you have an option of not joining. I would imagine no one is forced to live together. However single parents don't always have a choice of their role. Both parties do not have to want a divorce in order to have one granted. Then there are single parents who are now widowed. And there are single parents who have left abusive relationships.

 

Dress codes are a part of life. There will be dress codes to follow in the work place, church and many other places. But if they make someone uncomfortable then find a place which meets your needs

 

Comes down to this groups has values which doesn't match up with your values. Doesn't make either right or wrong. Just that it might not be the place for you.

[Orthodox6]

Maybe you could advertise for families ineligible to join "Co-op X" and start one with them !

 

Curricula suppliers can be just as obnoxious. ABeka demands to know my husband's name before they will sell me anything. (They have a pseudonym on file because I reject their nosiness.) Some people refuse to purchase anything from Bob Jones, not only because of their religious ignorance/bigotry, but also because of their racism (which latter, they seem to be trying to sanitize). Over in the secular arena, I sometimes read online laments from people who try to enroll with Calvert homeschooling, and are dumped because they are widowed or not married.

[Mothersweets]

Okay, I've heard a lot of rules, but dictating where your pants fall on your hips? :confused: Wouldn't it have been easier to say no bare midriffs?

 

This just screams for recalling an oldie but goodie, Mom Jeans.

 

:lol: Love the free vest, too!!

[Blessedfamily]

Maybe you could advertise for families ineligible to join "Co-op X" and start one with them !

 

Curricula suppliers can be just as obnoxious. ABeka demands to know my husband's name before they will sell me anything. (They have a pseudonym on file because I reject their nosiness.) Some people refuse to purchase anything from Bob Jones, not only because of their religious ignorance/bigotry, but also because of their racism (which latter, they seem to be trying to sanitize). Over in the secular arena, I sometimes read online laments from people who try to enroll with Calvert homeschooling, and are dumped because they are widowed or not married.

 

I had the same problem with Abeka. It's their homeschool option, not private school, so why do they care that my dd's b-day wasn't before Sept. 30th? That's the very reason she isn't in public school.

 

They can make their rules, but my rule is to skip their booth at the hs convention.

 

I'm trying to understand why Calvert cares who's married and who isn't.

Edited May 8, 2010 by Blessedfamily

[TravelingChris]

I think that is an unfounded rumor about Calvert. They are not a religious homeschooling provider and they never asked me about my husband.

[Orthodox6]

I think that is an unfounded rumor about Calvert. They are not a religious homeschooling provider and they never asked me about my husband.

 

I did note that Calvert is a secular provider. Is it, then, "urban legend" about the "rejected widow" ? I can imagine it might be ! All manner of stuff makes the rounds. :)

[Renee in NC]

I did note that Calvert is a secular provider. Is it, then, "urban legend" about the "rejected widow" ? I can imagine it might be ! All manner of stuff makes the rounds. :)

 

I can't find anything online that even repeats that rumor. Wonder what that is all about?

[....]

I had a friend who started homeschooling and wanted to know why I had not joined the co-op at our church. It was because of rules that were more stringent than the ones listed in the OP. She said "but you and your kids dress conservatively!" Maybe we do, but I didn't want to put us in a position where we could be nit-picked like that. That's why I don't send them to school. .

 

Exactly. All of the co-ops in our area are like this also. This is why we don't participate in one.

 

I don't have a life, but if I did, it's noone's business. :D

[justamouse]

Okay, I've heard a lot of rules, but dictating where your pants fall on your hips? :confused: Wouldn't it have been easier to say no bare midriffs?

 

This just screams for recalling an oldie but goodie, Mom Jeans.

 

 

can't....stop...laughing....:lol::lol::lol:

 

I'm so glad those days are gone.

[jenn1129]

 

I'm so glad those days are gone.

 

 

too bad my mom doesn't know those days are gone. :glare: :lol:

[fivetails]

Do you have to give a copy of your marriage certificate?

 

Yeah really.

 

Dh and I "cohabitated" for many years before we actually got married [2 and a half years ago, we finally tied that knot] ~ but the only people who knew we weren't married, outside of our close family & friends, were those to whom we chose to reveal that information. I referred to him as my husband and he referred to me as his wife - heck, I used his last name for anything that wasn't 'government' stuff. We presented ourselves as a married couple and were treated as such - and in many ways, we were ~ common law marriages are recognized in most places. ;)

[fivetails]

My "favorite" rule a co-op I briefly considered joining had was that students may not have un- naturally colored hair. I had to wonder if it applied to parents as well because mine is always a shade of pink, purple or red

 

Nah, you'd be good. Pink, purple, and red are most definitely colours that are natural [definition: in accordance with nature]... ever looked at a sunset? ;)

[emeraldjoy]

Just yesterday I had to make the final decision to pull out of our co-op. They had a meeting that said they only want like-minded parents and like-minded kids and if you weren't like minded then the group wasn't the right fit. This, I am ok with...however, when I asked what like-minded meant they said they got together and discussed it and intentional left it vague. :glare:

We are done. We also live in a place where there isn't much else going on as far as co-ops.....I finally am ok with it though.

e

[ZooRho]

One reason my son doesn't go to public school is all the ridiculous rules, and I'm a pretty strict Christian. I love the freedom that homeschooling offers. I would not for any reason join something that has so many rules. Clearly they don't think their members are capable of common sense.

Sadly as I said and so have others, no there is no common sense. It really is sad.

 

Every rule we have is because somoen else didn't have the common sense.

[mommaduck]

My "favorite" rule a co-op I briefly considered joining had was that students may not have un- naturally colored hair. I had to wonder if it applied to parents as well because mine is always a shade of pink, purple or red

And I have so loved how you colour your hair! I'm seriously considering letting my girls go with a few fun coloured stripes this summer ;)

[silliness7]

We have a similar rule because of low riding pants on fellas. We don't want to see their boxers! I know the boys think boxers are fun, but we really don't want to see *anyone's* undergarments.

 

I've seen a lot more than boxers due to low-risers. I think some of the stylish moms with cute little hairdos would be mortified to know that when they squat down to wipe a nose or tie a shoe they are impersonating a plumber.

[Miss Marple]

however, when I asked what like-minded meant they said they got together and discussed it and intentional left it vague

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[Tree House Academy]

I agree with you that those rules are really strict and I am hurt to see people's children actually turned away because of the choices made by the parents (co-habitation). That is so very unfair to the child(ren)! They had no part in that choice. :(

 

The dress code, I could deal with it for 3-4 hours once a week. Wear a shirt over the tanktop and take off the shirt the minute you leave. :) I also think that mostly the "jeans on your hips" thing is to cover both boys with pants "on the ground" *snort* and also girls who wear low riders and show their back/underwear when they bend over or sit down. It even happens to me sometimes and I have seen more than one of my friends' backs when they bent down with low riders on. I think that whole issue can be avoided if your child wears a long T-shirt with the low riders. I am sure the goal is just no underwear showing. Surely no one is going to measure the rise in each person's pants as they walk in the door.

Edited May 9, 2010 by Tree House Academy

[Miss Marple]

Surely no one is going to measure the rise in each person's pants as they walk in the door.

 

LOL! I can just see it: your new duty in our co-op will be to take this tape measure and check the rise of each person's pants!:lol:

[angela in ohio]

Curricula suppliers can be just as obnoxious. ABeka demands to know my husband's name before they will sell me anything. (They have a pseudonym on file because I reject their nosiness.) Some people refuse to purchase anything from Bob Jones, not only because of their religious ignorance/bigotry, but also because of their racism (which latter, they seem to be trying to sanitize). Over in the secular arena, I sometimes read online laments from people who try to enroll with Calvert homeschooling, and are dumped because they are widowed or not married.

 

What? I order from A Beak from time to time, and I have never given them dh's name. I have never heard of this. I'm going to a meeting with a friend this week to look at the 9th grade English program, and I am going to ask our A Beka rep about it.

 

We use BJUP science and math sometimes, but I never mention that to my Catholic friends. :D We went to church with a man who is African-American who went to BJU, and he married another student who is Caucasian, so I've heard another side of the BJUP issues.

[angela in ohio]

We have a similar rule because of low riding pants on fellas. We don't want to see their boxers! I know the boys think boxers are fun, but we really don't want to see *anyone's* undergarments. Co-op is one day a week here - they can comply for the 3-4 hours a week or find somewhere else.

 

We just came from bowling, and dh (politely) asked the young man on the next lane to pull his pants up. I wish we'd only seen his boxers. I can handle that, but I'm so tired of seeing people's butts. Teen boys, young women, moms, you name it... I don't want to see three inches of anyone's butt crack. It's not an attractive part of the body. :glare:

 

I'm LOLing about the stylish moms with cute haircuts. We had one of those in our homeschool group, and I think I'd seen more of her rear than her dh had. ;)

[angela in ohio]

OP, the cohabitation rule is kind of over-the-top for me. All I care about is how someone is when they are AT the co-op. I'd rather see rules about letting kiddos run around and be rude to each other than rules about what the families do in their time outside the co-op.

[Miss Marple]

We just received notification that ds will be attending a Regents Summer Academy for a week in June. We, and he, are required to sign the following statement:

 

I also understand the dress code for xxx Camp, unless notified otherwise, will be comparable to that of Oklahoma's public schools. This means: no holes in clothing (from wear, design, or otherwise); no tank tops, mid-riff tops, or sleeveless tops; closed-toe shoes are required, and shorts or skirts must be no more than six inches from the bend of the knee.

 

I find it interesting that this is more rigid than our co-op requirements.

 

I think we sometimes get so "independent" with our homeschooling that we don't realize that just about everywhere we go we will be required to do or wear something that we might not do or wear at home. While we want to do what we want, when we want, and how we want with regard to our homeschooling, we cannot necessarily bring those same wants or habits into a group. If you can't conform to the group rules for the few hours a week, perhaps co-oping isn't for you. Feel free to start your own! That's what I did! It could be called: The anti-rigid co-op cooperative

__________________

[asta]

Just yesterday I had to make the final decision to pull out of our co-op. They had a meeting that said they only want like-minded parents and like-minded kids and if you weren't like minded then the group wasn't the right fit. This, I am ok with...however, when I asked what like-minded meant they said they got together and discussed it and intentional left it vague. :glare:

We are done. We also live in a place where there isn't much else going on as far as co-ops.....I finally am ok with it though.

e

 

You don't really live in Montana... you live in my town - where that group is the ONLY one available. It's ok - I started a new one. Everyone is welcome.

;)

 

 

a

[Amy Jo]

I don't have a life, but if I did, it's noone's business. :D

 

:iagree: :rofl: