s/o what you would do differently, in general

[jld]

Not just schoolwise, but lifewise, kwim?

 

I wish I had started listening to dh earlier. He advised me to relax and enjoy life, but I was so insistent on being debt-free that I think I put pressure on us unnecessarily. In general, I wish I had trusted his judgment earlier. That's tricky, though, because I think I brought good ideas to the marriage, too, and he always says he's learned a lot from me, too.

 

I also wish I could have stood up to my family of origin earlier. I learned so many wrong values growing up. Man, do I regret that. I did the best I could, I think, dropping the bad values as I learned better ones, but I wish I could have started off in a healthier place. And I wish I had not spent half a lifetime being so scared of those people.

 

Btw: I don't mean to be starting a bummer thread, lol. Hopefully what we can share can be a lesson to younger people just starting out.:)

[usetoschool]

I would have trusted my instincts and intuition and that little nagging voice telling me something is wrong/right. And I guess that means I would have had more confidence in my own opinions and that I was doing OK and quit relying on other peoples opinions. But I don't think I could have done it any differently because that is who I was. I have only learned these things with experience.

 

:glare: By the time the lesson is learned it is no longer needed...

[Danestress]

and my Dad too. I would have looked at them when they were young and healthy and basked in it. It's like all of a sudden one day they were wearing "old folks" shoes. I did enjoy them - I don't have massive regrets, but I do wish that I had realized how quickly it would pass.

 

I also would do more for my MIL when she was caring for my FIL. As a 40 something woman, I know how exhausting his illness was and how alone she must have felt. DH was active duty in the Corp and we didn't live near them. But if I could do it over again, I would insist that we find the money for DH to go visit and help more and for me to do the same. I would call her all the time and offer an ear. She seemed so competent. I just didn't realize. I have told her all of this, and she's not a complainer and doesn't act like she ever felt like we should do more, but if I could do it over again, I would.

 

Really, I wish I could do a lot of things for older people who have passed on. That would be my biggest regret.

[LibraryLover]

I don't have regrets, really. I think I have always grown in a direction that felt authentic. I can't think of anything I would change, for sure. Maybe waited until I was 30 to have my first, saved more money? Maybe? Even that, I don't know. We were ready for a child, and dh & I had been married 5 years. It was so exciting. I wish time didn't move so quickly, for sure. I guess I wish that I had been brave enough to have a 5th child in around 2005 or so. ;) That *might* be the one change, but even so, I don't know for sure. Life is very precious and I don't like to go around with regrets, especially since I have have mostly been a postive person...although not all of the time. lol But I find myself growing in ways I think is resonating with me still. :)

Edited April 22, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Mergath]

I wouldn't have let my parents talk me out of going to college for so long.

 

Other than that, I think I made the best choices with the information I had at the time.

[Denisemomof4]

and my Dad too. I would have looked at them when they were young and healthy and basked in it. It's like all of a sudden one day they were wearing "old folks" shoes. I did enjoy them - I don't have massive regrets, but I do wish that I had realized how quickly it would pass.

 

 

 

:crying::crying::crying:

 

I agree. I really miss my parents. They were such GOOD people, even though they weren't the most attentive parents.

[patchfire]

I would have trusted my intuition always. The one thing about the kids where I didn't trust my intuition - I've spent years regretting it.

 

I would have cut out the toxic relatives (on Dh's side) earlier.

 

One very specific thing is that we rented a house for two years before buying, because we thought it would be better than continuing to rent an apartment. In retrospect, it was a mistake. Renting is renting, at least at the cost per month we were looking at.

[KidsHappen]

I would have been rich. :D

[Mergath]

I would have been rich. :D

 

Oh yes, me too, lol. How silly of me for not realizing that one ten years ago. :tongue_smilie:

[Peela]

I was involved with someone who was not good for me for way too long. I wish I would have seen the light about that earlier than did.

I feel i had kids at exactly the right time- late twenties. No regrets there- I do wish I hadnt supported dh to get a vasectomy after my 2nd though- he knew he didn't want another, but an "accident" would have pleased me very much! But who knows. My bladder has barely handled 2 pregnancies, and my youngest has needed a LOT of attention which he might not have got if I had had another. It's been one of those things though- what if?

I wish that instead of being obsessed with the above unhealthy male in my early twenties, that I had gone and studied something at college- anything, even if I never got a degree at the end. I did go later, but earlier would have been nice.

[Lara in Colo]

I wish I would have grown a backbone earlier and kicked my mother to the curb sooner. Sooo much time wasted trying to please someone who only wants the spotlight shining on themselves.

I wish I would have had a closer walk with God and tried harder to be in His will, He only wants my happiness, I should have fought Him less and embraced Him more.

I bought a condo when I was 20, a got a dog and a cat. I was tied down too soon, I should have played more, traveled, been young while I was. I grew too old too fast.

I should have kept in touch with all the friends I made along the way, perhaps I wouldn't be so lonely now.

 

We could go with the regrets from yesterday----starting with the ice cream........................

 

Lara

[Renee in NC]

I can't do this. I cannot look back and say what I should've done - I get too depressed. I think, "how did I end up here?" And then I think about all the wasted opportunity in my life. If I had done things differently, I would not be here, in this situation, with this kind of future.

 

Don't get me wrong - I love my dc, I love my dh, and I don't want to change *them*! I just wish I could offer a better life to my dc than what they have now. This is no way for a kid to grow up.

[lynn]

I am really happy with my life and the way things turned out. The only thing I would change is not having my younger children so far apart. I hate seeing them lonely. The oldest 2 always had each other. HSing when #3 was born helped for he did have his older brother who took time and played with him. I do feel so blessed to get to hold my baby girl still.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I can't do this. I cannot look back and say what I should've done - I get too depressed. I think, "how did I end up here?" And then I think about all the wasted opportunity in my life. If I had done things differently, I would not be here, in this situation, with this kind of future.

 

Same here, but for different reasons.

 

I have lots of regrets and "What ifs".

 

I would rely more on the Father and less on what I thought would bring the best result. I obviously got it all wrong.

[EKS]

I would have gone to graduate school in my 20s.

[MBM]

We would have moved to Hawaii years ago. My husband was offered an excellent job, but we didn't want to move the two older kids. We're still planning on retiring there, but I also want my kids to be around me. If I move there, they'll have to as well! :D

 

Additionally, I would have begun to take vitamin D much sooner. I've gone from being sick with bronchitis/pneumonia for months on end every year for decades to not even catching a cold since taking it. 'Tis my miracle drug. If I lived in Hawaii, I'd just have to catch some rays!

Edited April 22, 2010 by MBM
darn comma

[Chris in VA]

I would have waited to get married.

I wish I had learned more about the consequences of spending too much and using money to try to buy happiness.

Wish I hadn't eaten so much fast food.

Wish I'd been a better cook.

 

Wish, wish, wish.

 

Ah well, it is what it is. Now I just have to get on with it, or I'll look back in 10 years and wish this part was different, too--some things I can control, and some I can't. Oh for the wisdom to know the difference.

[Dandelion]

Whenever I go down the path of thinking "I should have done this or that differently", I always end up at "But then I wouldn't have had my kids." Since I simply can't imagine life without my children (and not just any children - THESE children), that always stops it for me right there.

 

I have a natural tendency to overanalyze everything, so I'm glad I've found that one thing that stops the ceaseless questioning for me... Now I turn it around to "What's done is done - what can I do differently today and moving forward?".

 

In terms of "do differentlies" since the DC were born, I would have quit my job right after DS was born so I could have enjoyed his early years more and (in general) I would have appeciated the present more instead of always living in the future...

Edited April 22, 2010 by Dandelion

[mommaduck]

I would have gotten my degree BEFORE children. I would have jumped a hubby's suggestion that we move out of state instead of insisting that we stay...we finally did leave that state. I would have eloped a year sooner than we married. I would have gone ahead and made those phone calls and found my dad and siblings sooner (but I know that timing was just right for us).

[May]

Wished I would have homeschooled my youngest dd sooner instead of waiting until 4th grade. I still wonder if it would have helped her to be more confident.

[smrtmama]

I'd pay better attention to what my instincts are screaming at me. They have never steered me wrong, but ignoring them has gotten me into a lot of trouble.

[TravelingChris]

I can't think of real serious regrets. I do have small regrets like ignoring a warning sign about a preschool but although it was unpleasant, nothing really bad happened. MOst of the bad things that happened in my life were not anyone's fault- things like both of my parents dying before I was 24, getting chronic illnesses, having my children have serious medical conditions, etc. WHat I planned has, for the most part, worked out very well. But God has thrown enough stuff at me to make sure that I know I am not in charge.

[Allearia]

I would have chosen a college major with a career in mind (I wanted to be a teacher then so it didn't matter but I wish I'd chosen something in case I changed my mind - which I did.)

 

I would have been a lot more careful in choosing a house - something that would have met the needs of a family.

 

I would have waited to have my first son until my husband found a job. (he had been unemployed for a year when I got pregnant, I was impatient and couldn't wait to have a baby.)

 

I would have kept my kids in the less expensive preschool or even taken them out all together than switching to the wonderful but mega$$$$$ preschool that has contributed significantly to our debt over the past SIX years!

[Dmmetler]

I wish I'd started trying to have kids earlier. In retrospect, having that magic tenure in the school system wasn't near as important as I thought it should be-and maybe then I'd have been able to have more than one.

[Tap]

I wish I would have known how things were going to play out with dd3. She is my great niece (my sister's daughter's daughter) and we thought we were going to be her foster parents for a year or so, not adoptive parents. I wish I could have got the bio-dad away from my niece and supported him more in retaining custody of dd3. I think he could have been a very good dad, but he was swayed by my niece into believing things that weren't true.

 

I agree with the decisions that the state made based on his actions, but I also see that he didn't really see another way out due to immaturity. If I knew what silly decisions he was going to make, I would have been willing to step in. I was trying to stay out of his personal life. When he finally decided to leave my niece, he quit his job with no notice, walked out on a lease, and moved back to his hometown that is a seasonal resort with no jobs in the off season. He moved in with his mother who has drug convictions. This move took him from 30minutes away to 5 hours away. These decisions took away his last chance to get her back. Had he kept his job, changed apartments, and stayed near the baby- he would have her now or at least be able to have a relationship with her.

 

These bad decisions will affect her and him forever.

 

When he comes to visit, you can see the intrinsic bond between them....it is sad that she can't have more of that.

[Retired]

I wish that I wasn't such a door mat until I turn 30, got Jesus, got a back bone, have been happy since but regret most of my decisions except my kids

 

i left a authoritative father, married a man similar and older, so I pretty much didn't have the life I wanted, I did the submissive wife and was resentful and miserable

 

i have learned to love my DH but will always wonder what I missed out on

 

i wish that i could of experience life in my 20's, travel and friends, instead of getting married and building a future, but never getting to live for today, like most people that choose to marry older

 

so i turned 40 a few weeks ago and realize that I gave up my dreams for my kids, (they became my life) but now my oldest is 16 and I really realize I don't know me ( I have been mother and wife since I was 20 years old) I have never really gotton to be a selfish me. (boy I sound so whinny)

 

I day dream of getting to be a footloose and not responsible for anyone but my self 27 year old (I meet them all the time) I had been married 7 years and had 2 kids by my 27th birthday

 

I grew up to fast and now want to be a kids:D

[SproutMamaK]

I'm (no offense to you guys!) too young to have the benefit of hindsight over much of my life. What I cansee (thus far) though, is that I wish I would have

 

-shown my mother more respect

-tried harder to find a sport or other physical activity I love

-made it clear to my husband that I wanted to go someplace sunny for my honeymoon (and that it would NOT okay to invite his PARENTS to the honeymoon, and even weirder if they take you up on it... true story).