Sleep over dilemma's. Am I too overprotective?

[Love2Smile]

My 11 year old dd has never slept at a friends house. Honestly, I am not too keen on sleepovers.

Both my husband and I have our reasons, mainly because we don't know the people very well, don't "trust" other people with our children etc..

 

My dd who is on a gymnastics team knows a girl one year younger than her for 3 years.

 

Okay, here's the thing, and I mean this in the "nicest" way possible.

Her father is strange. He is overly involved in some way. The mother is never there, although I have met her several times, she just never comes to practice.

 

The father literally gawks at all the girls, especially the older highschool girls and makes comments like "oh did you see so and so do that flip?"

Or "look how so and so bounces on the trampoline"...etc..

 

He films all the girls with this humongous HD camera, for "team purposes"

But he is ALWAYS there, always gawking, in a kinda weird way, just a bit too much for my taste. Just comes across as odd and like I said, more involved than most dads. Okay, I know it's fine for dads to be involved but this guy is just "odd".

 

I feel like I am the only parent who notices these things at the gym.

 

Anyway, he wants my child 11 years old to sleepover thier house. The girls had previously talked about it.

He went to inform me the other night "he" would take my child home from practice that night and I could pick her up the following morning.

 

We are NOT allowing this. My husband thinks he is weird. I mean no disrespect, he could be totally innocent. But why is the mom not in charge of these types of things. She doesn not work, but the father acts like the mom.

 

Again, he is literally gawking at the girls, making comments that I would never even think to notice. He knows all the girls names even the highschool girls who we don't even practice with.

 

Anyway, I just needed to vent. Sometimes I think it's just me and I have this paranoid behavior. But he gives me the heeby jeebies...

 

Also, he is a big know it all, you know the type, tells you how your should be doing things. He even asked if I ever googled my daughters name. I said no, why should I. And he said "I bet she's on there" creepy!

 

The thing is all the other parents are friends with this man.

 

Anyway, just needed to get this off my chest.

 

Why would I and why should I let him take my dd home and sleep at his house?????

[Lindy]

Go with your gut. No apologies! (He sounds a bit creepy for my taste.)

[LauraGB]

Uh, not over protective. I would not allow it either. However, if dd will be truly upset about it, to make her happy, I would offer for the friend to come over to my house to hang out, but not spend the night. I would definitely voice my No Sleep Over Rule and leave it at that.

 

I wonder if all the other parents on the swim team are actually "friends" with him or if they just tolerate him and smile nicely while they are there.

[Heather in AL]

I am not 'overprotective' in the sense you are asking about. My kids have been to many sleep overs and other than the usual worries, I've never had any flags go up.

 

That said, your post made the hair on my neck stand up. Not until every pig on Earth could fly would I allow my daughter to sleep over at that man's house. Uh-uh, no way. There are HUGE red flags there, and I think your mommy senses are tingling for a reason.

 

Since your dd hasn't been on sleepovers before, you can just say 'we don't allow sleep overs' and leave it at that. If you do allow them in the future, you may have to think of something else to tell him. Or just keep saying 'no' to him/his dd and not give any reasons. You don't have to give reasons.

 

Don't ignore the flags.... this is something you could regret if you allow your dd to sleep over there. The fact that HE wants your dd to sleep over is a HUGE flag for me. My dh could care less... our kids set up sleep over stuff and clear it with us. Even I, as a mom, wouldn't say to a kid "I want you to sleep over" That's just creepy. And the camera thing bothers me, too. And knowing all the names, etc. Just too many flags there. Also, the comment about "I'll take her home and you can pick her up in the morning" is really strange. As if he is testing you to see how pliable you and your dh are.... I haven't read The Gift of Fear that has been mentioned so many times (although I really should), but I've seen excerpts and I think this is something the predators do.... assert themselves to see how observant/compliant/whatever the parents of intended targets are.

 

Also, while I hate to be suspicious of people, I would be keeping an eagle-eye on him/my dd.... if she goes to the rest room, I'd know about it and I would know his whereabouts at all times. He just sounds too 'interested' in something that a normal grown man shouldn't be interested in.

 

I may be WAAAYYYY off base, but as I said.... the hair on my neck stood up when I read your post, and sadly, this is what came to mind. I hope the guy is just 'odd', but I sure wouldn't want to 'test' him with my dd.

[ConnieB]

The things you described and the way it obviously makes you feel about this guy....no way would I allow a sleepover, AND I also would not allow a playdate that I wasn't attending.

 

He's probably fine....but if your gut is talking to you, you need to listen. It's there for a reason.

[katilac]

You should always follow your instincts, but I urge you not to confuse the issue. This man might be strange, but that doesn't mean all dads who are involved with their daughter's activities are strange.

 

Why is the mom not in charge of these things? Well, why should she be, any more so than the dad? That's not what makes him strange. Plenty of dads are just as involved as the moms, and good on 'em, I say.

[Love2Smile]

Thanks, running out the door to get my hair cut, I want to address some of these comments when I get back!

[hsmom]

I know a dad like this, now he does creep me out. Yet I know he is innocent also. He knows all the girls name and boys for that matter. The only difference is he is a single dad (long story mom was a drug addict he has custody, and so on). I have known him since I was in diapers and I still would not let my child stay at his home. Even though I know he is innocent it is the way he is.

 

So, don't feel over protective you need to do what is best for your family. Maybe ask an innocent "when will we see your wife again...will she be coming to practice anytime soon?".

[jillian]

your gut reaction is there for a reason--run far away from this guy. if the girls want to sleep over offer to do it at your house. i do agree with katilac too. just if your gut is turning you off to this guy and letting your daughter stay there follow it.

[jujsky]

It could be that he's just a really involved dad and it seems strange to you because there are so few of them out there. OTOH, if your gut is telling you he's, then go with your gut. A lot can be said for a mother's instinct.

 

Would you feel comfortable with the other little girl sleeping at your house? Maybe that would solve the problem. If not, a simple, "Sorry, we don't allow sleep-overs," should do it. If he asks why not, tell him it's something you & your husband discussed & you're just not comfortable with it.

[JulieJ]

I am not 'overprotective' in the sense you are asking about. My kids have been to many sleep overs and other than the usual worries, I've never had any flags go up.

 

That said, your post made the hair on my neck stand up. Not until every pig on Earth could fly would I allow my daughter to sleep over at that man's house. Uh-uh, no way. There are HUGE red flags there, and I think your mommy senses are tingling for a reason.

 

Since your dd hasn't been on sleepovers before, you can just say 'we don't allow sleep overs' and leave it at that. If you do allow them in the future, you may have to think of something else to tell him. Or just keep saying 'no' to him/his dd and not give any reasons. You don't have to give reasons.

 

Don't ignore the flags.... this is something you could regret if you allow your dd to sleep over there. The fact that HE wants your dd to sleep over is a HUGE flag for me. My dh could care less... our kids set up sleep over stuff and clear it with us. Even I, as a mom, wouldn't say to a kid "I want you to sleep over" That's just creepy. And the camera thing bothers me, too. And knowing all the names, etc. Just too many flags there. Also, the comment about "I'll take her home and you can pick her up in the morning" is really strange. As if he is testing you to see how pliable you and your dh are.... I haven't read The Gift of Fear that has been mentioned so many times (although I really should), but I've seen excerpts and I think this is something the predators do.... assert themselves to see how observant/compliant/whatever the parents of intended targets are.

 

Also, while I hate to be suspicious of people, I would be keeping an eagle-eye on him/my dd.... if she goes to the rest room, I'd know about it and I would know his whereabouts at all times. He just sounds too 'interested' in something that a normal grown man shouldn't be interested in.

 

I may be WAAAYYYY off base, but as I said.... the hair on my neck stood up when I read your post, and sadly, this is what came to mind. I hope the guy is just 'odd', but I sure wouldn't want to 'test' him with my dd.

 

This answer was written as if I wrote it my self. No way would I let her go!

[teamturner]

Follow your instincts! Simply say, "We don't do sleepovers." I agree w/others that said I would not even allow a playdate at their house unless I was also there. Too many red flags and if he gives you the creeps, that's all the "proof" you need. Is sleeping over at this girls house really that important in the big picture of your dd's life?

 

My dc are younger but I've already decided that we will not do sleepovers. My dc sleep over w/their cousins and so far that is it. I don't think you have to explain or apologize for your family's decisions.

[klmama]

I don't think you are being overprotective. I think you are being smart.

 

You have two issues here. One is, do you want your dd to go on sleepovers? Obviously, you have decided not to allow that. Fine. That's the rule. You say, "We don't do sleepovers." That's the end of it. No discussion. No explanations. No exceptions. Simple.

 

The second is that this man gives you the creeps. In that case, no playing at his house, either. Frankly, I wouldn't even invite his dd over to your house, because in doing so the father will have to come to your house to pick her up. Why give him any access to your home at all? Why increase his exposure to your dd? If he gives you the creeps, avoid him like the plague.

 

As for the google comment, I'd look her up to see. In case she is out there, you want to know in what way. He may know something you don't. Probably, it's just gymnastics meet info, but if there's more, you want to know.

[ConnieB]

I agree that Dad's can be just as involved as moms....and maybe in this particular family Dad is more interested in the sport than mom is....I know in my family there are several activities that the kids are involved in that I just don't go to the meetings and such because I have no interest. Thankfully, Dad does, so he goes...and for a couple of the things it was Dad who already had an interest and the kids came along with him and now they have an interest too. I have had to take the kids a few times over the years when Dad is out of town....and my lack of interest is clear to see...I have no clue what they're doing or how to respond other than to say "that's nice dear" type of thing. Of course, the times that Dad has had to take the kids to dance class or something that he is clueless about, I'm sure his experience was similiar, lol.

 

SO, in OP's situation, it could be that Mom has zero interest in gymnastics but Dad is interested and knowledgeable so he goes with daughter. Nothing wrong with that. And if it were a Mom taking pictures, making comments, knowing all the names, we'd probably not think twice about it (or we'd be whining about how this Mom gets in the way or thinks she's in charge, etc, lol).

 

But...in OP's case she is feeling decidedly uncomfortable about that Dad....that alone is all I would ever need to say no to sleepovers and play dates.

[Caribbean Queen]

The father literally gawks at all the girls,

 

My husband thinks he is weird.

 

He even asked if I ever googled my daughters name. I said no, why should I. And he said "I bet she's on there" creepy!

 

 

Oh heavens no! No sleepover.

[KJsMom]

We don't allow sleepovers either, except with grandparents and cousins. So many people are unconcerned about letting their child sleep over at a friend's house, but you have to ask if you trust that family with your kid's life. I mean, it really is that serious. Maybe you like and trust the mom, but do you know the dad or teen siblings in their house?

[BearWallowSchool]

If you are having doubts, no don't let her. Don't feel bad about it, you are doing your daughter a favor by not letting her go. I wouldn't let my child stay over at a friend's house unless I was 100% comfortable and knew the parents VERY well.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I agree that he could be really involved because he really likes gymnastics. My brother is a very involved dad and he also loves. He was the one who was involved in their dance and sports because his wife felt that kids needed nothing more than a backyard for recreation. I don't think any of the moms at my nieces gymnastics gym even met my SIL. DB loves gymnastics - men's, women's, etc. When his family when to Greece for the Olympics, they spent most of their "event" money on gymnastics events. He knows who the big names are.

 

But ... You need to trust your creep-o-meter. If your gut says no, then no it is. I am really creeped out that he practically bullied you into doing the sleepover - not asking permission.

[Gretchen in NJ]

I know a dad like this, now he does creep me out. Yet I know he is innocent also. He knows all the girls name and boys for that matter. The only difference is he is a single dad (long story mom was a drug addict he has custody, and so on). I have known him since I was in diapers and I still would not let my child stay at his home. Even though I know he is innocent it is the way he is.

 

So, don't feel over protective you need to do what is best for your family. Maybe ask an innocent "when will we see your wife again...will she be coming to practice anytime soon?".

 

I also know a man like this when my girls were in ballet. All the moms called him ballet dad. I felt it was strange over the years. Sometime, I would wonder about it. I later found out that his work hours were not during the day time. Ballet class was his morning. This was the only time he saw his daughter. When his job changed, I found out I liked chatting with him much better then his wife.;)

 

I would follow my gut. If your gut tells you not to let your dd go, then don't. :001_smile:

[DarlaS]

As for the google comment, I'd look her up to see. In case she is out there, you want to know in what way. He may know something you don't. Probably, it's just gymnastics meet info, but if there's more, you want to know.

 

No kidding. He shows up with a camera and says THAT? Your kid is probably on youtube.

[mom4him]

No!!!!! you are not being over protective.

We don't do sleep overs. period. end. of. subject!!!!

I don't take my kids to someone else's house to play and leave them. They do go to the neighbors and play but it has to be outside where I can see them. I have many reasons for this and it is a total conviction that I have. I do not waver from it.

I would definitely not allow my dd to go home with someone that I did not feel VERY secure in it.

[KristenS]

I haven't read all the responses, but I will say this:

 

Go with your gut.

 

And if even your dh finds him creepy ... that's a GIANT red flag. Guys just don't see the things women do, sometimes, so when they DO see it, take it very seriously.

 

Much better safe than sorry.

[Night Elf]

But why is the mom not in charge of these types of things. She doesn not work, but the father acts like the mom.

 

You should do what makes you feel comfortable, but your idea is quite sexist. Gymnastics is sports. *I* don't do sports. When my youngest daughter decided to try basketball, my husband took her. She's going to try tennis in June at the local park. My husband will likely take her. He enjoys watching different sports. I find them terribly boring and sometimes violent.

 

My DH does lots of housework, probably more on a daily basis than I do. He does lots of things with the kids, taking them out without me. I can't imagine anyone finding that creepy. I'm the opposite person. I don't like seeing dads be only the breadwinner and not participate in anything, including keeping the house clean that he lives in as much as the rest of us do. If he works so much that he is too busy to pick up dirty clothes and toss them in the wash, I'd be after him to find another job. I had one husband that was away alot. It sucked. Some women can do it. I can't. If I'm judged as a non-interested, negligent mom, that perception belongs to the judge and not to me.

 

He might really like gymnastics. Watching someone flip in the air is an amazing thing. I'd be more worried if he was making comments about their bodies or how their clothing fits. Filming can be a legitimate activity. It allows the coaches to review performances from a different angle to see where improvement can be made. When I was helping keep score in baseball and wrestling as a high schooler, which I only did to be around the cute boys and not because I liked sports :tongue_smilie:, there was always someone there filming. After practice, the coaches watched the films. The athletes stayed sometimes as well. But then again, perhaps you are uncomfortable because your daughter and the other kids on the floor are all girls? That's sexist. In today's society, there could also be a complaint if a man was filiming boys playing sports. He could possibly be a ped*file. Definitely possible either way, but still very sad.

 

As for the abrupt manner of asking your dd to sleep over, his dd may be pressuring him. He may not be a gentle person when speaking. My DH can come across as abrupt sometimes. He has no clue when he sounds like that. Just tell him you appreciate that the girls get along so well but sleepovers aren't allowed. If the girls want to do something outside the gym, how about inviting her to the mall for a couple of hours. The girls (you as well if you feel more comfortable) can have lunch and window shop. My dd and her friends love shopping in Claire's (accessories) and Justice (clothes and accessories). They buy fingernail polish, beads, and headbands. :)

 

I can understand your being protective, but I hope you would treat a soft-spoken, kind woman the samy way, with suspicion and caution. Bad people are not always men.

[Lolly]

I have a feeling you probably are being over protective. But, I think you should go with your gut feeling. No reason to break a family no sleep over rule.

Edited April 2, 2010 by Lolly

[Ellyndria]

Have you read Protecting the Gift? Go with your gut. He might just be a very involved and interested dad, which is fine, but then again, he might be a creep. Do you want to go against your gut and risk a sleepover to find out?

[2cents]

Go with your gut. You don't need excuses, just say 'no'.

[PollyOR]

We don't do sleepovers. It's nice to have a blanket rule to fall back on in situations like this. Most parents try to be understanding. :)

[Impish]

You should do what makes you feel comfortable, but your idea is quite sexist. Gymnastics is sports. *I* don't do sports. When my youngest daughter decided to try basketball, my husband took her. She's going to try tennis in June at the local park. My husband will likely take her. He enjoys watching different sports. I find them terribly boring and sometimes violent.

 

My DH does lots of housework, probably more on a daily basis than I do. He does lots of things with the kids, taking them out without me. I can't imagine anyone finding that creepy. I'm the opposite person. I don't like seeing dads be only the breadwinner and not participate in anything, including keeping the house clean that he lives in as much as the rest of us do. If he works so much that he is too busy to pick up dirty clothes and toss them in the wash, I'd be after him to find another job. I had one husband that was away alot. It sucked. Some women can do it. I can't. If I'm judged as a non-interested, negligent mom, that perception belongs to the judge and not to me.

 

He might really like gymnastics. Watching someone flip in the air is an amazing thing. I'd be more worried if he was making comments about their bodies or how their clothing fits. Filming can be a legitimate activity. It allows the coaches to review performances from a different angle to see where improvement can be made. When I was helping keep score in baseball and wrestling as a high schooler, which I only did to be around the cute boys and not because I liked sports :tongue_smilie:, there was always someone there filming. After practice, the coaches watched the films. The athletes stayed sometimes as well. But then again, perhaps you are uncomfortable because your daughter and the other kids on the floor are all girls? That's sexist. In today's society, there could also be a complaint if a man was filiming boys playing sports. He could possibly be a ped*file. Definitely possible either way, but still very sad.

 

As for the abrupt manner of asking your dd to sleep over, his dd may be pressuring him. He may not be a gentle person when speaking. My DH can come across as abrupt sometimes. He has no clue when he sounds like that. Just tell him you appreciate that the girls get along so well but sleepovers aren't allowed. If the girls want to do something outside the gym, how about inviting her to the mall for a couple of hours. The girls (you as well if you feel more comfortable) can have lunch and window shop. My dd and her friends love shopping in Claire's (accessories) and Justice (clothes and accessories). They buy fingernail polish, beads, and headbands. :)

 

I can understand your being protective, but I hope you would treat a soft-spoken, kind woman the samy way, with suspicion and caution. Bad people are not always men.

:iagree:

I say follow your gut.

 

At the same time, I'm so tired of ppl viewing my dh as suspicious because he's an involved parent. He takes the kids to the park. He takes Diva to events. I don't drive, and pain levels often prohibit my abilities to do much. That my husband is viewed as suspicious simply because he's a dangler (aka has a penis) is frustrating beyond belief.

 

It is possible that a father can be involved, passionate about what his child(ren) are doing without having ulterior motives.

 

Its ironic. For years, I've heard women moan that they wish their dh's are more involved. I've heard encouragement for Dads to be involved with their kids. Then when they do, they're regarded with suspicion, and asked when their wives might be coming.

[Sputterduck]

:iagree:

I say follow your gut.

 

At the same time, I'm so tired of ppl viewing my dh as suspicious because he's an involved parent. He takes the kids to the park. He takes Diva to events. I don't drive, and pain levels often prohibit my abilities to do much. That my husband is viewed as suspicious simply because he's a dangler (aka has a penis) is frustrating beyond belief.

 

It is possible that a father can be involved, passionate about what his child(ren) are doing without having ulterior motives.

 

Its ironic. For years, I've heard women moan that they wish their dh's are more involved. I've heard encouragement for Dads to be involved with their kids. Then when they do, they're regarded with suspicion, and asked when their wives might be coming.

:iagree::iagree:

 

When I was a teen in taekwondo, there was a very involved dad. I wonder if the taekwondo mothers ever thought he was weird. He was my friend's stepdad and her mother had lupus, so he was the one to do everything with his daughter. He was just an extra awesome stepdad! Nothing creepy, nicest guy in the world, etc.

 

There is *nothing* wrong with an involved dad.

 

Still, go with your gut.

[RoughCollie]

Go with your gut feelings. It is much better to be safe than sorry, especially where your DD is concerned and the consequences of not so doing could be horrifying.

[Love2Smile]

Oh my gosh! thanks for all the replies! I just got home.

 

I am a very overprotective parent to begin with. My husband is worse. Could be his profession. He is a Police Lt. and has been in Law Enforcement for 25 years. Okay, so I live with a man who has taught me to be cautious of everyone.all.the.time.

 

My husband will not be alone with girls EVER! for example field trips. He would not drive little girls anywhere unless I was there. Would not watch other girls at our house while I run errands, ever. He says because if he was ever accused of anything by anyone, he's career, life would be over.

Not that he is or would ever be capable of ever EVER doing such a thing, but he just does not want to ever be accused of anything, so he does not understand how some men would be alone with young girls. Anyway, that has nothing to do with this, it's just how he operates.

 

The guy gives me the willies, nuf said she will not go over there.

 

I am not sexist however in the least, and I am so sorry if my post came over that way. I am all for dad participating with anything! In fact I wish my husband would spend more time at the gym watching my kid and hanging out etc... So sorry I sounded like that!

 

It is just the fact that he stares, gawks, knows them all by name, not just our team members but them all etc... Has this GIANT camera, films all the time, Literally will stand up on the bleachers for 3 hours watching, never taking his eyes off of the girls. That and just all the little things added up.

 

I know that maybe one or two of these "things" may not sound so weird,but when you add them all up, it does send chills down my spine.

The worst was when he was practically panting telling me how he would drive my child home that night. I am not kidding. He acted all excited or something.

 

The reason, I wanted to post and ask this is because

 

1. I am very paranoid IRL.

2. I am also protective of my children

3. They are not tied up not able to leave my presence, I am not that bad! LOL... I just like to "be in charge" so to speak

4. Living with an LEO, well it's different and they are on guard all the time, and cautious of everyone

 

I just did want confirmation that in this instance I was not being overly paranoid/protective. Because I really am trying to losen' up and be more flexable now that they are getting older. I really am, just needed the confirmation that I was doing the right thing

Edited April 2, 2010 by Love2Smile

[Love2Smile]

Oh and there are plenty of other involved dads at the gym. I know all of them. They don't carry giant camera's with zoom lenses and stand for 3 hours on bleachers gawking and "hanging out with the kids" trying to be their friends.

 

They are yaking it up, drinking coffee, reading, leaving coming back, etc...

 

So, this one just gives me the hibby jibby's. It could all be very innocent indeed, but I am not willing to chance it!

[gracefulhome]

Just one more comment to say that you should not feel bad about following your gut instinct. :grouphug:

 

I would much rather be safe than sorry when it comes to this sort of issue. He sounds creepy to me. He is spending all that time videotaping, but he is not involved in the coaching?

 

I'd google your daughter's name as well.

 

Good luck keeping the peace!

 

Mary in CO

[Love2Smile]

Just one more comment to say that you should not feel bad about following your gut instinct. :grouphug:

 

I would much rather be safe than sorry when it comes to this sort of issue. He sounds creepy to me. He is spending all that time videotaping, but he is not involved in the coaching?

 

I'd google your daughter's name as well.

 

Good luck keeping the peace!

 

Mary in CO

I did google it last night! Nothing there, thank Heavens!

[Murphy101]

Well o agree you came off as rather sexist but that regardless you should follow your gut.

 

As for the camera, why do you care what size it is? At least it's obvious and not some secretive itty phone camera. That aside, most places have you sign a photo release form. If you didn't sign one for him and the facility doesn't have an agreement for him - I would and have said that I'd rather they not do that. One, it can make kids nervous. Two, my kid isn't a paid spokesperson. Three, it IS kinda creepy. I'd mention it to whoever is in charge to see what's going on there.

 

Many people think that bc I have a blog I wouldn't care, but my blog is MINE and I have 100% say in what goes on it or doesn't.

 

ETA: the guy would set off my creep o meter too. :)

Edited April 2, 2010 by Martha

[LauraGB]

I guess I didn't see the sexism in her post. My dh is sometimes involved in the kids activities, but I've never gotten the impression from anyone that they find him "creepy". When dd took swimming lessons, there were lots of dads there, often including dh, and none of them creeped me out. But given what she explained, none of them behaved the same way as this fellow. Leering and gawking at girls in this setting is unsettling, male or female.

[cranberrymom]

You don't need to feel bad for your convictions. I have always hated sleep overs. Even if there are no mistrust issues. No one sleeps.

The feelings you have about this guy are valid. I am sure your husband can attest to some child molesters that never give off bad vibes. Some are really crafty at hiding their creepiness. All the more reason.

This sounds like a good time to talk with your daughter and role play at refusing to plan a sleep over with a friend. What should she say if invited by a child or a parent? This can help avoid any uncomfortable situations.

[JFSinIL]

Follow your instincts! Simply say, "We don't do sleepovers." I agree w/others that said I would not even allow a playdate at their house unless I was also there. Too many red flags and if he gives you the creeps, that's all the "proof" you need.

 

I second, third, fourth etc. this. No WAY.

 

I'd talk to the gym folks, too, about his taping the girls. Say that you do NOT give your permission for this.

 

The guy may be innocent of any wrongdoing - but it is not worth risking your child to find out.

[Love2Smile]

Well o agree you came off as rather sexist but that regardless you should follow your gut.

 

As for the camera, why do you care what size it is? At least it's obvious and not some secretive itty phone camera. That aside, most places have you sign a photo release form. If you didn't sign one for him and the facility doesn't have an agreement for him - I would and have said that I'd rather they not do that. One, it can make kids nervous. Two, my kid isn't a paid spokesperson. Three, it IS kinda creepy. I'd mention it to whoever is in charge to see what's going on there.

 

Many people think that bc I have a blog I wouldn't care, but my blog is MINE and I have 100% say in what goes on it or doesn't.

 

ETA: the guy would set off my creep o meter too. :)

The camera size does not matterLOL I agree, it's just the principle I guess, maybe it's in the same catagory as to why some men drive fancy cars! LOL

[RoughCollie]

My husband will not be alone with girls EVER! for example field trips. He would not drive little girls anywhere unless I was there. Would not watch other girls at our house while I run errands, ever. He says because if he was ever accused of anything by anyone, he's career, life would be over.

 

 

My DH is the exact same way.

[Murphy101]

Just as an FYI these are the sections I found sexist. I'm willing to accept that they were not intended that way. Just saying they came across rather strong.

 

He is overly involved in some way. The mother is never there, although I have met her several times, she just never comes to practice.

 

A father can't be too involved. It's no ones business why the wife isn't there.

 

why is the mom not in charge of these types of things. She doesn not work, but the father acts like the mom.

 

Doesn't matter why. And he isn't acting like a mom. He is acting like a dad.

 

You seem to feel very strongly that certain things are womens work and mens work. Which I guess is okay in your home, but not everyone is going to have the same POV, but they are likely still very nice folks.

[Love2Smile]

Just as an FYI these are the sections I found sexist. I'm willing to accept that they were not intended that way. Just saying they came across rather strong.

 

 

 

A father can't be too involved. It's no ones business why the wife isn't there.

 

 

 

Doesn't matter why. And he isn't acting like a mom. He is acting like a dad.

 

You seem to feel very strongly that certain things are womens work and mens work. Which I guess is okay in your home, but not everyone is going to have the same POV, but they are likely still very nice folks.

 

Oh mY! I am certainly sorry if I offended you in some way by these statements. I have apologized and said it was not my intent. YOU have no idea what I think are mens and women's jobs in the home because I have never said what I think they are.

Sounds like I touched a nerve here, but for the record, I am not sexist LOL

and I have to laugh because my husband actually does the laundry and does the dishes for me when he is home. You need to go back and read my original post. Re: this man. There are many pieces to the puzzle of his behavior. I was trying to "paint a picture" of his actions and behavior and you are really on the verge of offending ME at this point

[Murphy101]

no, no, no.. that was not what I meant or intended. A PP wrote they didn't understand what was seen as sexist. So I wrote what it was and how it came across.

 

I did read that you didn't intend that.

 

I also noted that I accept that isn't what you intended, just saying that it came across strongly that way at first.

 

You didn't hit a nerve. I was just claifying why someone might think it seemed sexist.

 

My apologies for any misunderstanding of MY intent.:)

[Love2Smile]

no, no, no.. that was not what I meant or intended. A PP wrote they didn't understand what was seen as sexist. So I wrote what it was and how it came across.

 

I did read that you didn't intend that.

 

I also noted that I accept that isn't what you intended, just saying that it came across strongly that way at first.

 

You didn't hit a nerve. I was just claifying why someone might think it seemed sexist.

 

My apologies for any misunderstanding of MY intent.:)

Apologies all around...so sorry for misunderstanding your intent this time.

 

really, I am sorry, I don't like "arguing" on forums. I really do "care" about peoples feelings and would never want to upset, offend of have people misunderstand me. :grouphug:

[teamturner]

I'd talk to the gym folks, too, about his taping the girls. Say that you do NOT give your permission for this.

 

The guy may be innocent of any wrongdoing - but it is not worth risking your child to find out.

 

Oh, I forgot out this part! Excellent point! He should not be taping other people's dc w/o their permission!!!

[Love2Smile]

Oh, I forgot out this part! Excellent point! He should not be taping other people's dc w/o their permission!!!

Well apparently no one else seems to mind because he puts together this really nice DVD for all the families at the end of the year. Which is fine, nothing wrong with it. I guess just the accumulation of everything really bugs me. His leering, gawking, comments...such as" look at so and so bouncing on the trampoline". Just happens to be one of the highschool girls with the biggest breasts..., just an overall impression I have got along with my husband. I guess it's something you have to experience first hand, it's hard to really get a feel of what I am trying to express here.

My radar goes off when I am around him. He has bad energy or something.

[Danestress]

I have a basic "sports mom" rule. I try not talk about one parent with another. I'm not saying I have a perfect record with this rule, but it's my goal. If I knew this guy I probably would act friendly and I might very well think he's is creepy, and there is very little chance that you would know that I felt that way. I mostly likely would not discuss him with you, and if I did, I likely would be positive. I try really hard not to get sucked into "Tennis Mom" discussions about other players' parents.

 

Some parents are just really competitive. He might know names and watch the sport closely because he is always looking at the competition. I've had many parents sit and take NOTES on my son's tennis game. I think some parents, and in our culture it is often Dads, are just really competitive. I'm not saying he wouldn't give me the creeps. He could do all those behaviors without giving me the creeps, or he could do the same things and make me feel sick, and it would be hard to articulate why. Part of it is just a feeling we have. But the fact that he is in charge of this part of life and not the Mom does not seem weird to me at all.

 

But anyway, I would do exactly what you are doing. I would just say, "Sorry, we don't do sleepovers." And I would not think twice about it or feel guilty at all. But don't assume that the other parents aren't sort of suspicious too. I am nice to a lot of people who I think are kind of weird.

[EarleneW]

My daughter does competitive cheerleading and we have a dad that takes tons of pictures and puts togethter a video at the end for everyone. We all love it! He is very involved but I don't find that weird. Mom is there some too. But, go with your gut- If the girls really want to have a sleepover have the little girl over to your house.

[Joanne]

I personally believe saying "no" to all sleepovers is to overprotective.

 

I think saying "no" to this sleepover is a no brainer.

[kathkath]

Go with your gut. We don't want our kids doing sleepovers either. You just don't know *what* goes on at other ppl's houses. They say in sex abuse cases, that the gut is usually right. Not that you should convict him in your mind, but ITA that you should never ever let your dd alone with him.