Can't get schooling done because of other hsers!

[Jeanne in MN]

I appreciate the fact as homeschoolers we can be flexible, but sometimes it feels like it goes too far. Each day this week, but one, we've had hsers asking our kids to play or get together. One family had a birthday/farewell party on Mon. Tues and Wed. we had swim invitations from two different families. This afternoon someone called at 1:30 wanting to get together with the kids. Next Friday is another birthday party in the afternoon.

 

We need the afternoons to get school work done, but even if we didn't, I wouldn't have birthday parties or get-togethers during the day because it just doesn't seem right and it will mess up someone's schedule. Yes, I can say no and do. But it's still frustrating and puzzling.

 

 

Thank you, I'm done venting now. :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

How dare they invite you when it isn't convenient for you?:confused:

[Carol in Cal.]

This is why I've never gotten involved with a park day. They all start in the morning! Morning time is jealously guarded homeschooling time, in my house.

 

That is also why I like after school activities--they don't interfere with homeschooling! It's so annoying when a piano teacher will say that if you homeschool they will only give you a school hours slot, because others CAN'T come except after school. (Unless there is a significant discount, this is an argument that has NEVER flown with me.)

[CindyPTN]

I like to be social, so I thrive on these types of activities that avoid the hectic traffic hours of the Afternoon crowds. However, I also have found myself saying "No" because I know that I have a tendency to overwhelm and overschedule. But I don't take no's to invitations personally and I think that helps in my ability to explain that we "are homeschooling" or have something planned already. Of course, I have very young children and we're done for the day by lunch most days.

[LibraryLover]

My hsing group has near-daily events. LOL It's amamzing what they think up. Their creativity and energy astounds me.

 

There is no way we can do everything, and nobody in our the group does everything! We all pick & choose. I don't know if saying no or 'not today' is a problem in your group, but it isn't in ours. People are doing different studies, their kids have various interests, so they they plan their related field trips and activities and invite others in case they also might be interested.

 

I like that. They have posted some trips that I never would have known about or considered without their sharing. We say yes lots, and we say no lots.

 

Do you have the freedom to do that?

Edited January 16, 2010 by LibraryLover

[dragons in the flower bed]

II thrive on these types of activities that avoid the hectic traffic hours of the afternoon crowds.

 

:iagree: I prefer to go out into the quiet, empty world of weekday mornings. I like to stay at home away from the noisy busy weekend/evening world. The opportunity to be alone on the roads, in museums, at the grocery store, and a reason to ban afternoon & weekend outings, are some of the best things about homeschooling.

[LibraryLover]

Ack! Early weekdays morning are the worst worst worst here! We go on all field trips after the schooled crowds go back to school for lunch. Weekday at around 1 pm is the best time to go pretty much anywhere. The museums are dead then. Kids need to leave the museums in time to get back to their schools to get on their 2 or 3 pm buses home. The crowds pick up again about 4/5 when people get out of work. Or the ladies who lunch finish their second luncheon chardonnays. ;)

 

QUOTE=dragons in the flower bed;1432178]:iagree: I prefer to go out into the quiet, empty world of weekday mornings. I like to stay at home away from the noisy busy weekend/evening world. The opportunity to be alone on the roads, in museums, at the grocery store, and a reason to ban afternoon & weekend outings, are some of the best things about homeschooling.

Edited January 16, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Cindyg]

Right. Just say no.

 

At our house, school is first priority. If I occasionally schedule something during our normal school time, it is intentional. In other words, I work it into our plans that we'll either finish school at another time or purposely take that day off. But impromptu plans do not preempt school.

 

If a neighbor child rang the door (to play) during our school day, I would probably either ask him to come back later or give the kids a specified-time recess or tell him to come join in for the remainder of our school day.

 

Dr's appointments, piano lessons, field trips -- same thing. I either work them in to the plan or schedule them for after school (just like brick-school families do).

 

P.S. I feel your pain. We have a large homeschooling community, and I could easily fill our entire schedule with outings, enrichment opportunities, and playdates. Must fight that!!

[mom2abcd]

You probably don't want to hear the glass half full/half empty thing, but I will just share that our first year of living in this city, we had few friends, few activities, few invitations. It was lonely. Little by little we have found people. We're at the point where we have to say "Not this time, but thanks for asking!" We're thankful for opportunities to be with others and do things.

 

At least you know the "socialization" opportunities are out there:o) It sounds like you have a lot of friends.

 

Glad you could vent here. We all need that sometimes.

[Jen in PA]

I'm wondering if part of the problem is just that you are a very different sort of homeschooler from those who are inviting you to these events.... I know that within our homeschool community I am in the minority -- more classical, more structured, and more schedule-driven. I also have the benefit of living a good distance from most of the other families we socialize with, so they tend not to be offended when I say we can't join in on an event. Each family has its unique homeschooling goals, and you need to balance your need for structure with the available opportunities for socialization. Be willing to bend if your kids need more time with other kids, and feel comfortable saying no when it's time to focus on school. I'm sure the other families have similar balancing acts to perform and will understand.

[Night Elf]

I've always worked homeschooling around the fun activities during the day. We prefer going to fun/cool places like museums and parks when there is not a huge crowd around. I don't know if all museums do this, but I call mine ahead of time and ask how many school groups are scheduled to visit that day. Those groups ruin the experience for us so I avoid them.

 

If you want to be consistent with everyone, personally share your schedule with all of your friends. Perhaps tell them you need certain afternoon hours for school and cannot attend any social functions until after those hours. When they call, gently remind them of your hours, wish them a good time, and hang up.

 

In the couple of homeschool groups I've been in, there are usually 2 main groups; those who only consider planned events with lots of notice, and those who don't mind short term, or even spontaneous, planning. I saw certain families only on scheduled park days and field trips which were quite infrequent, and consquently didn't get to know them well. I was part of a small core group that did group activities during the school day so we saw each other more often and became friends.

 

My family does academics sometimes in late afternoon, but usually after dinner (we eat at 5:00pm). Also, we only do school 3 or 4 days a week. Evenings are our family time and rarely do we do anything outside the house after dinner.

Edited January 16, 2010 by Night Elf

[Dayle in Guatemala]

Other homeschoolers aren't the problem here, it's the constant knocking on my door by others who know I'm home every morning schooling and interrupt for such mundane things. It's frustrating. My dh said to just put a sign on the door while we're schooling telling people to please come back in the afternoon when I'm available. I think I'll be trying it this week.

[TechWife]

Each day this week, but one, we've had hsers asking our kids to play or get together.

 

It has been months since anyone called our house to see if we wanted to come over. You are blessed to be part of a thriving community.

[Parrothead]

You probably don't want to hear the glass half full/half empty thing, but I will just share that our first year of living in this city, we had few friends, few activities, few invitations. It was lonely. Little by little we have found people. We're at the point where we have to say "Not this time, but thanks for asking!" We're thankful for opportunities to be with others and do things.

 

At least you know the "socialization" opportunities are out there:o) It sounds like you have a lot of friends.

 

Glad you could vent here. We all need that sometimes.

:iagree:We are in the first 6 months. It is difficult.

It has been months since anyone called our house to see if we wanted to come over. You are blessed to be part of a thriving community.

:iagree:

[Crimson Wife]

Well, I guess I would be one of those rude HS families. What kind of schedule are you keeping that you aren't done with formal lessons by 2 P.M.? Most HS families I know including the classical ones) are finished with the formal portion of their schoolwork by lunch, leaving afternoons open for activities.

 

One of the things I love about HS is how time-efficient it is. We can get done in 2-3 hours what it takes the local government-run school 6.

[Night Elf]

My dh said to just put a sign on the door while we're schooling telling people to please come back in the afternoon when I'm available. I think I'll be trying it this week.

 

How about one that says

 

DO NOT DISTURB

testing in progress :D

[Desert Rat]

If you feel like you're missing out on opportunities, can you switch your schedule around a bit to accomodate some afternoon get togethers? We start at 8 here and are usually done by 12. A few of the more time consuming projects I plan as a floater for the week. We never have activities planned all 5 days so on a quiet afternoon I fill in science or extra history projects, etc. This way I feel I've done a great job putting school first and still have time to take fun classes or skip out to the park on a nice day.

I don't have friends who call for last minute trips but if it's a regular thing, maybe you can politely address it. "We'd really love to join you at the park today, but I've already planned our school projects for this afternoon. Maybe we can plan ahead next time."

HTH

[Hockey Mom]

Other homeschoolers aren't the problem here, it's the constant knocking on my door by others who know I'm home every morning schooling and interrupt for such mundane things. It's frustrating. My dh said to just put a sign on the door while we're schooling telling people to please come back in the afternoon when I'm available. I think I'll be trying it this week.

 

For us, it's salespeople. We put a 'No Soliciting' sign on our front door. It's helped somewhat. I did have some woman knock on my door and try to sell me glass repair services. I pointed to the sign and said, 'did you read this sign?' and she replied, "well, I'm not trying to sell you anything." To which I replied, "oh? So your services are free?" She then mumbled, "no..." I shut the door before she could waste anymore of my time.

 

After her, I just decided to not answer the door.

[cani e porci]

I appreciate the fact as homeschoolers we can be flexible, but sometimes it feels like it goes too far. Each day this week, but one, we've had hsers asking our kids to play or get together. One family had a birthday/farewell party on Mon. Tues and Wed. we had swim invitations from two different families. This afternoon someone called at 1:30 wanting to get together with the kids. Next Friday is another birthday party in the afternoon.

 

We need the afternoons to get school work done, but even if we didn't, I wouldn't have birthday parties or get-togethers during the day because it just doesn't seem right and it will mess up someone's schedule. Yes, I can say no and do. But it's still frustrating and puzzling.

 

 

Thank you, I'm done venting now. :)

I have the opposite issue because we start early and school in the morning, and that's when all the local outings tend to be offered. We also like to stay in after dinner. I've tried tackling school after attending outside activities, and it's not productive. I have enough friends with similar schedules that we can arrange trips with smaller groups at times that are convenient for us, so it works out, but the kids know they're missing the outings with the larger group.

 

My irritation is people who know we homeschool and take it seriously, yet think it's reasonable to drop by for a chat or ask me to drop everything and help them with a home improvement project or something because I'm "at home" and school can't take very long with just a couple of children. I had to resort to both turning off the phone and putting a sign on the door.

[Renee in NC]

Well, I guess I would be one of those rude HS families. What kind of schedule are you keeping that you aren't done with formal lessons by 2 P.M.? Most HS families I know including the classical ones) are finished with the formal portion of their schoolwork by lunch, leaving afternoons open for activities.

 

One of the things I love about HS is how time-efficient it is. We can get done in 2-3 hours what it takes the local government-run school 6.

 

I am more relaxed than many and we are *never* done by lunch and rarely by 2pm. I don't think hs is time-efficient at all. It would be much easier to have a class where everyone is doing the same thing for the most part (of course, not everyone is on the same level, but they are being taught on the same level.)

 

We plan a half day (done by 1 or so) on Wednesday and we have co-op on most Fridays.

 

ETA: I just saw your siggy and now I see where you are coming from. If I was only teaching my 7yo and my pre-Ker we would probably be done by lunch as well.

[Garga]

I have to jealously guard our homeschool time. It pulls on you, though. You need to homeschool, but you want to do the fun activities. It can be hard to say no and then you have to scramble to get the schooling done.

 

And it could also depend on the type of schooling that the other families do. We're more WTM and others may lean towards unschooling, which gives them more "free time" since they'd consider a lot of the extra events as a part of their education.

[Guest janainaz]

I would love to have all those invitations!

 

You don't realize how lucky you are to have so many options of things to do. We do school every day from about 9am until about 4pm. We take a lot of breaks, my kids play outside and everything still gets done. I would totally take a break and stop by a birthday party or make time to meet some friends at the park. While I appreciate a routine, predictability in life is a bore. I love any opportunity to surprise my kids and say, "Hey, we're going to the park to meet so and so...!" In fact, knowing AHEAD of time can serve to motivate your kids to get their work done efficiently. When my ds knows we are going somewhere fun, he gets a smile on his face and a spring in his step and does great school work as a result.

[cara]

After 1 is when we are out and about, if something is scheduled I make it a point to get our work done by noon so we can go. DS needs to get out the house at least once during the week if not more and it helps him focus better on school.

 

We don't do early mornings or late afternoons or weekends to avoid the school crowds. So we plan things between the hours of 1 and 4. Most homeschoolers I know do the same thing, so I would think nothing of someone asking if we could do something after lunch time.

[joannqn]

This is why I've never gotten involved with a park day. They all start in the morning! Morning time is jealously guarded homeschooling time, in my house.

 

That is also why I like after school activities--they don't interfere with homeschooling! It's so annoying when a piano teacher will say that if you homeschool they will only give you a school hours slot, because others CAN'T come except after school. (Unless there is a significant discount, this is an argument that has NEVER flown with me.)

 

 

Funny. We are all so different. I prefer daytime activities because they don't interfere with my time to prep and cook dinner, and don't cut into our family time.

 

I still, over a year later, haven't gotten over my son's taekwondo cutting their daytime homeschool classes. Now, he goes from 4pm to 6pm (getting home at 6:30pm), which forces us into a late dinner. And, if my husband can't get home from work obligations in time, there's a good chance my son won't even get to his class because I can't drop everything and take him either. My son is the only advanced belt not in their demo team. Why? Because practice is scheduled smack in the middle of Saturday, leaving no time for family outings. I told them that if the practices were done by 11am or earlier on Saturdays, we'd consider it because we could still do family outings after. Family time is jealousy guarded in our home.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I would love to have all those invitations!

 

 

 

:iagree: There aren't a lot of homeschoolers here and I miss the fellowship.

[prairie rose]

I am more relaxed than many and we are *never* done by lunch and rarely by 2pm. I don't think hs is time-efficient at all. It would be much easier to have a class where everyone is doing the same thing for the most part (of course, not everyone is on the same level, but they are being taught on the same level.)

 

We plan a half day (done by 1 or so) on Wednesday and we have co-op on most Fridays.

 

ETA: I just saw your siggy and now I see where you are coming from. If I was only teaching my 7yo and my pre-Ker we would probably be done by lunch as well.

 

Yup, when I had just one or two kids to teach that were in lower elementary school, we were always done by lunch. Now that I have 2 middle schoolers, 1 upper elementary and a K'er (plus a toddler), I have about 90 minutes of free time between the hours of 8am and 4pm and I usually use that to get caught up on household tasks. Yes I can teach them much more quickly than the ps could considering it would take 4 teachers 6 - 8 a day to teach what I teach the same 4 kids in 6 hours or so a day by myself but we are most definitely not done by lunch. Mornings are 3r's for 4 kids plus Latin for the older 3. Except for Latin, all other morning subjects are taught one on one. Afternoons are history/science, foreign language and fine arts/PE. These are all taught as group subjects. We also do chores in the afternoon.

 

We are a one vehicle family so we can't go anywhere during the day. I would love to outsource some of these things and get out in the afternoon and I would be more than happy to re-arrange a little to do it. It would probably require that we get up earlier and/or do some work in the evening though.

 

We've managed to borrow the car a couple of times and do park day afternoon but because we are only able to attend very seldom, we still feel like outsiders there. :( On the one hand, I'm sad we haven't been able to make any good friends here (we've only lived here a year), on the other hand, I'm glad we aren't being invited to every birthday party and social event in town. We just don't have the money or the time to do those things all the time and I feel bad when I have to decline or my kids have to choose which friend's birthday to attend because we either don't have time or money to do it all.

[Hillary in KS]

Well, I guess I would be one of those rude HS families. What kind of schedule are you keeping that you aren't done with formal lessons by 2 P.M.? Most HS families I know including the classical ones) are finished with the formal portion of their schoolwork by lunch, leaving afternoons open for activities.

 

One of the things I love about HS is how time-efficient it is. We can get done in 2-3 hours what it takes the local government-run school 6.

 

But your oldest child is 7. When I was at your stage, we were done before 1-2 every day as well.

 

Now I'm schooling 3 dc, with my eldest in high school. He is *never* done by 1 or 2, but goes until nearly 4:00 most days. It's the nature of upper-level curriculum. It requires more time, and the student's output requires more time.

 

As far as the OP, I sympathize, and I agree with those who say you need to say "non" to most activities that are scheduled during your school day. :001_smile:

[tdeveson]

Don't go. People plan activities for when it's convenient to them. If you'd like fewer activities, simply don't go. If you'd like activities during more convenient times, then step up and organize those activities.

[hsmom3tn]

I am more relaxed than many and we are *never* done by lunch and rarely by 2pm.

 

 

Same here.

 

If we have something to do out of the house, we get school done when we get home. It's not a big deal for us to be working into the night. My kids usually get their math done in the mornings, and sometimes they take some of their work with them to do in the van while we're out. We're very flexible. :D

 

One problem that we do have, though, is the phone ringing while we're working. My phone never rings until we're right in the middle of school - usually during our read-aloud time.

[orangearrow]

Funny. We are all so different. I prefer daytime activities because they don't interfere with my time to prep and cook dinner, and don't cut into our family time.

 

 

:iagree: I like to do all the field trips, get togethers, etc during the daytime so that our evenings are free for Daddy Time! :D I hate bolting out the door as soon as he's home to run to this-or-that activity, so I do it as little as possible.

 

We do spend time on the weekends making up if we got behind during the week. It usually takes an hour here or there, and the kids are all caught up. They don't mind because they know they get to do fun things during the weekdays, and that means that sometimes we have to make it up on the weekends. Not a big deal. Sometimes they'll catch themselves up with "homework" before bed. :001_smile:

 

For me, this is THE biggest plus to homeschooling. I love running errands, going to museums, etc during the daytime hours when all the other kids are in school. It's a big plus for me. :)

[Crimson Wife]

But your oldest child is 7. When I was at your stage, we were done before 1-2 every day as well.

 

Now I'm schooling 3 dc, with my eldest in high school. He is *never* done by 1 or 2, but goes until nearly 4:00 most days. It's the nature of upper-level curriculum. It requires more time, and the student's output requires more time.

 

But see, even the HSers I know with larger families and/or older kids don't do 9-4 days. And that includes the classical ones as well as those doing relaxed HS or "unschooling".

 

My oldest's schooling is taking longer this year than in previous ones. In her K5 year, we could get through all the formal work in 60-90 min. We do spend more time most afternoons on "fun" learning. Things like independent reading, playing math games, doing science experiments, art & music, etc.

 

I don't foresee the formal portion of schoolwork getting to be twice as long as we're doing now even when she's middle school aged (we're probably going to do private school for high school). I plan to drop certain subjects as we add others (such as dropping English grammar once we start LRTEG).

[Jeanne in MN]

How dare they invite you when it isn't convenient for you?:confused:

 

It's just other hs families taking more liberty of their schedules than I am comfortable taking with mine. Once in awhile is fine-just been a crazy week. :)

[Jeanne in MN]

Can't you just say no?

 

I can and do. Just a crazy week and another one coming. And personally, I wouldn't ask fellow homeschoolers to take afternoons off for birthday parties and non-educational stuff. :)

[Jeanne in MN]

I'm wondering if part of the problem is just that you are a very different sort of homeschooler from those who are inviting you to these events.... I know that within our homeschool community I am in the minority -- more classical, more structured, and more schedule-driven. I also have the benefit of living a good distance from most of the other families we socialize with, so they tend not to be offended when I say we can't join in on an event. Each family has its unique homeschooling goals, and you need to balance your need for structure with the available opportunities for socialization. Be willing to bend if your kids need more time with other kids, and feel comfortable saying no when it's time to focus on school. I'm sure the other families have similar balancing acts to perform and will understand.

 

Oh yes, one family are unschoolers, another has only one child so they are done by noon and so on. It's just bit crazy right now.

[melmichigan]

I am more relaxed than many and we are *never* done by lunch and rarely by 2pm. I don't think hs is time-efficient at all. It would be much easier to have a class where everyone is doing the same thing for the most part (of course, not everyone is on the same level, but they are being taught on the same level.)

 

:iagree:

 

 

OP. I would just nicely decline if it doesn't work into your schedule.

[TracyR]

Be very fortunate you have those opportunities. We don't have anything like that around here where I live. The closest thing to a homeschool group is my daughters' Girl Scout troop( which is a homeschool group). Other then that no one wants to start a homeschooling group because no one has the time. I don't unfortunately , caring for four kids, one with health problems, I have health problems etc. Otherwise I'd jump on the band wagon and start one around here.

 

I would just pick and chose. You don't have to go to every event. If its a birthday party and your not wanting to go out I would send a card with some money and just say that your sorry you can't attend but you are doing something that day.

End of story.

[Tap]

I use individual cell phone rings to know who is calling before I pick up. If it is a friend that I know is chatty, I don't pick up during school time. Same for friends who want me to go places with them...I wait, check my voice mail (this way the kids can't hear) and text a response so the kids don't even know we were invited.

 

I also email, and leave my computer screen open throughout the day. I can hear it chime, alerting me to an incoming email. Again, I can check it and respond with minimal intervention and no chit-chatting.

 

I ask people to not call my home phone unless they really need me. I only have one friend who calls my home, and she will say "lets go to xyz, call me back by 11am if you want to go, otherwise I know you are busy".

 

 

I think you need to find and set your boundaries. For your sake and your friends, I would tell them that you are cutting activities down to a Firm 1 or 2 a week, and Never before x time. This will help to whittle down the invites without hurting too many feelings.

[Kari C in SC]

I have been on both sides of this. When we first moved to SC the first year was very lonely. My kids were not happy and neither was I. We came from being very active in Florida. I finally got in touch with some people last winter and now we have lots of friends and activity. BUT... sometimes it can be too much. So, we pick and choose. The other thing we do is simply talk with the other moms and try to get a good schedule that works for most. For example, last week, we knew it would be cold - so we all talked and planned to meet at a local indoor play place. We emailed back and forth and firmed up details. That cut down on multiple playdates and put it all into one. Personally, I used these outings to entice my kids and my niece and nephew into getting their work done. They know full in advance what we have planned for the week and they work ahead if need be. They are all much happier now that we have found a group and more activity.

[cara]

I have been on both sides of this. When we first moved to SC the first year was very lonely. My kids were not happy and neither was I. We came from being very active in Florida. I finally got in touch with some people last winter and now we have lots of friends and activity. BUT... sometimes it can be too much. So, we pick and choose. The other thing we do is simply talk with the other moms and try to get a good schedule that works for most. For example, last week, we knew it would be cold - so we all talked and planned to meet at a local indoor play place. We emailed back and forth and firmed up details. That cut down on multiple playdates and put it all into one. Personally, I used these outings to entice my kids and my niece and nephew into getting their work done. They know full in advance what we have planned for the week and they work ahead if need be. They are all much happier now that we have found a group and more activity.

 

I do the same thing, all activities are on the calendar and it intices DS to get his work done earlier so that we can go spend time with our friends. I'm such a spoiled homeschooler that I no longer like going places in the mornings, on weekends and on school breaks when all the school kids will be there. All of our activites are scheduled after noon.

[Renee in NC]

:iagree: I like to do all the field trips, get togethers, etc during the daytime so that our evenings are free for Daddy Time! :D I hate bolting out the door as soon as he's home to run to this-or-that activity, so I do it as little as possible.

 

We do spend time on the weekends making up if we got behind during the week. It usually takes an hour here or there, and the kids are all caught up. They don't mind because they know they get to do fun things during the weekdays, and that means that sometimes we have to make it up on the weekends. Not a big deal. Sometimes they'll catch themselves up with "homework" before bed. :001_smile:

 

For me, this is THE biggest plus to homeschooling. I love running errands, going to museums, etc during the daytime hours when all the other kids are in school. It's a big plus for me. :)

 

My dh works nights (actually 12pm-12am), so I just try not to plan anything for his days off. Unfortunately, they changed one of his days off from Thursday to Friday and we have co-op on Fridays, so that cuts into some of his time. He sleeps until 12 or 1 on days when he is off, so it isn't too bad.

[Hillary in KS]

I don't foresee the formal portion of schoolwork getting to be twice as long as we're doing now even when she's middle school aged (we're probably going to do private school for high school). I plan to drop certain subjects as we add others (such as dropping English grammar once we start LRTEG).

 

Again, your oldest child is 7. There is a vast difference between the amount of work required for a 15 year old and for a 7 year old. I would say we are definitely doing double the work (time-wise) than we did when my eldest was 7.

 

But it's not likely my experience (or that of other classically-educated high schoolers I know, not to mention the ones who posted in this thread) is going to change your mind.

 

And now, as this is now veering off the path of the Original Topic, I should end this exchange. Enjoy teaching the Lower Grammar stage! It's so much fun! :001_smile: