Help me sort this out...

[QuirkyKapers]

I have a friend from high school who financially is not doing well. Her husband and her claimed bankruptcy within the past year. Her husband was without employment for a couple years and than worked a job that paid minimum wage. She has worked, as a nurses aide for at least 8 years. They haven't always spent their money in a way that others may or may not consider to be well spent. Just recently, their jeep was repossessed. Her husband has a broken down truck in the driveway. He also has a vehicle that is for work only. My friend has been asking people for rides to her job for the past two weeks. She works the 11 pm to 7 am shift and apparently different people are scheduled with her all the time so she can't ask one person to help drive her to work. Her husband's sister gave them a car but it broke down. Apparently a mechanic worked on it but now the car is worse. Both sets of parents won't help, brother won't help (family feels financially they have made bad choices). Both her friends who normally would help have vehicles that broke down as well. Since the one family's husband also lost his job, the vehicle getting fixed is an issue.

 

I drove out this weekend, she lives 45 minutes away, so she could look at vehicles but the places were closed that day. I drove out the next day, I couldn't get a hold of her by phone since there was trouble on the line to take her car shopping again. I knew that it might not work out since I couldn't reach her but had things I could do in that area so it wasn't a big deal. Apparently, her husband wanted to try and fix the car or truck over the weekend. So, we didn't go car shopping.

 

I talked with her yesterday and nothing was done to fix the vehicles. She asked if I could drive out this weekend to look at cars and she would give me gas money. She is extremely concerned she is going to lose her job. She isn't even sure how she is going to get groceries.

 

My husband and I have talked about the possibility of renting a car for her but we could only do it for a few days. She doesn't have a credit card to rent one, so I would drive out and take care of all the paperwork and drive out again when the car needed to be returned. Should we do that if the husband isn't on board? We are leaning toward not doing it if he isn't on board. However, my friend is really distraught. The other thing is the car that was taken back was in her husband's name. She thinks that she will be able to get a car loan because it didn't affect her credit. I am seriously thinking that buying a car isn't realistically going to be an option. However, I could be wrong. I realize that she is holding on to that hope. They don't have a down payment. I know her husband is concerned about having another loan since they are already behind on the house payment!

 

Help me think through what I am missing or what other options there are that I can't think of.

 

Thanks:)

[mrs.m]

I would not rent a car for her. What if there was an accident? You really need to know what the insurance will cover before you go through with that. It might be ok if you can get it in her name but they are going to want your name since you are on the CC.

 

I would think outside the box with ways to help her. Maybe make sure she has groceries. Take some of the pressure off of her when it comes to needs so she can figure out a way to solve the problem.

 

Does she go to church? If so, is there a way that they could help?

 

I have a feeling that the only way she'll be able to get a car loan is with a co-sign. If you are with her she might ask you for help in that way. Just remember that if she defaults, they will come to you for payment.

 

You seem very kind and I hope you can help her!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Honestly they need to take responsibility themselves for the big ticket long-term items like a car. I would offer them my chauffeur service for the day (or a couple of days) but I would not rent a car for them.

 

I like the idea of getting them some groceries or a grocery store gift card to take some of the financial burden off of another budget area.

 

Is there no bus service where she lives so that she could get to work? Is her dh unable to take her to work and pick her up?

[Momma2Many66]

I think it would be great if you could get her to read or listen to Dave Ramsey. It sounds like she needs some help in budget organziation and living a more simple lifestyle.

 

Dave also recommends getting a "beater car" until she can afford better. Basically, she pays in cash for a junk type car that is not attractive or stylish, but at least will get her from point A to point B. In the meantime, while driving the beater car, she starts saving her pennies by living on a strict budget and starts budgeting money in for a better car once she gets her bills under control and back on track.

 

It worries me for you to help too much, you may be enabling her to continue this lifestyle where she will always be "in need" and never being financially independent. It sounds like their families already have "been there done that" with her and her husband and are refusing to help out anymore. There may be a very good reason for that, that you do not know about. She may be a good friend, but you can be a good friend back by offering support in the emotional way, steering her towards Dave Ramsey and talking to her about getting her budget and bills under control. At most, you could help her out with purchasing a really cheap beater car (with cash only) which should cost about $400 to $800 for a get her to work car. That is how we started out, we only had beaters until we could afford better and even then, we only paid full in cash for the better models when we had our bills and budget under control and our emergency fund finished.

 

A beater car would probably cost you as much in the end as renting her a car for a few days. I think rentals run like $250 to $300 or so a week and until you pay insurance, tax ectera you are probably looking at $400. I could be wrong here about the exact cost, but years ago I remember paying about that much when we needed to rent one on vacation.

 

Good Luck to you, you are a good friend to her !

[JudoMom]

Help me think through what I am missing or what other options there are that I can't think of.

 

Thanks:)

 

I would not rent her a car. I would not co-sign on any loans for her. Both are too risky.

 

I would sit down with her and help her do a budget to help her figure out what they can and cannot afford. If they are living beyond their means, they need to stop, and to do anything to enable them to continue living beyond their means wouldn't be being a friend. If their financial mistakes are of another sort (bad business deal or something), they need to own up to them and figure out where they are financially.

 

If they are behind on the house payment, it seems they cannot afford to buy a car, so she should be checking into bus service, her husband taking her, or some other option.

 

I would probably give them a gift card to the grocery store to help out while the mess was sorted out.

[QuirkyKapers]

Thanks for all the input!

 

 

Here are the things she had said to me regarding these great suggestions:

**Bus service: She doesn't want to do that because she is afraid it won't be safe.

 

***Husband helping with transportation: can only use his business vehicle for business

 

 

**Doesn't go to church

 

Advice about finances: Ugh she didn't like what I said and lectured me for a half an hour about how she should be able to spend her money on things to have fun since she doesn't go out to eat or on vacation like other people do..... All she does is work and raise her children...She should be able to have fun... She could say those things are stupid to do so (eating out, vacations) After the bankruptcy she bought a horse and pays 200 a month to board it, bought two pure breed dogs and has 4 ferrets....

 

I think my concern is right along with what others have said, I don't want to be unsupportive. However, I don't want to just provide a temporary solution to a long term problem that doesn't sound like it can just easily go away at this point. Volunteering to take her grocery shopping sounds like a good place to start... I like the idea of gift cards too...

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thanks for all the input!

 

 

Here are the things she had said to me regarding these great suggestions:

**Bus service: She doesn't want to do that because she is afraid it won't be safe. Sometimes you need to do what you have to do. If she was that concerned about losing her job, this should be her attitude.

 

***Husband helping with transportation: can only use his business vehicle for business very valid point. Don't want to lose his job because of misuse of the company vehicle

 

 

**Doesn't go to church valid point too.

 

Advice about finances: Ugh she didn't like what I said and lectured me for a half an hour about how she should be able to spend her money on things to have fun since she doesn't go out to eat or on vacation like other people do..... All she does is work and raise her children...She should be able to have fun... She could say those things are stupid to do so (eating out, vacations) After the bankruptcy she bought a horse and pays 200 a month to board it, bought two pure breed dogs and has 4 ferrets....

 

Yes, she should be able to spend her money on whatever she wants but in that case, she can't expect others to make up the shortfall.

 

I think my concern is right along with what others have said, I don't want to be unsupportive. However, I don't want to just provide a temporary solution to a long term problem that doesn't sound like it can just easily go away at this point. Volunteering to take her grocery shopping sounds like a good place to start... I like the idea of gift cards too...

 

You need to support her as a friend in other areas. She doesn't want your support (true support) re. finances. She's already told you that in the above half hour lecture.

[Chris in VA]

...She should be able to have fun... She could say those things are stupid to do so (eating out, vacations) After the bankruptcy she bought a horse and pays 200 a month to board it, bought two pure breed dogs and has 4 ferrets....

 

Well, there ya go. She made her bed. Let her sleep in it. You will be a far better friend if you let her feel the pinch of her consequences rather than rescuing her--it may be her incentive to change.

[Impish]

You do what you have to when you're facing financial issues. I've walked to work, over an hour, for an 11pm start when I was a single mom b/c my bus pass expired, it was a few days til payday, and my ride didn't show.

 

She needs to put her pride in her pocket and do what needs done to keep her job. Get a darned bus pass, and get on w/it!

[melissel]

Advice about finances: Ugh she didn't like what I said and lectured me for a half an hour about how she should be able to spend her money on things to have fun since she doesn't go out to eat or on vacation like other people do..... All she does is work and raise her children...She should be able to have fun... She could say those things are stupid to do so (eating out, vacations) After the bankruptcy she bought a horse and pays 200 a month to board it, bought two pure breed dogs and has 4 ferrets....

 

All of this says to me that she has no interest in learning how to be financially responsible, she's just looking for someone else to do the heavy lifting. I'd have a hard time being supportive in this situation, and I'd advise her to get herself a bus pass and some pepper spray. Coming home at 7:00 a.m. should not be unsafe, and if she can arrange even a few rides for the trip at 11 p.m., she should be in fine shape. She's going to have to learn the hard way on this one, unfortunately.

[elegantlion]

...She should be able to have fun... She could say those things are stupid to do so (eating out, vacations) After the bankruptcy she bought a horse and pays 200 a month to board it, bought two pure breed dogs and has 4 ferrets....

 

Well, there ya go. She made her bed. Let her sleep in it. You will be a far better friend if you let her feel the pinch of her consequences rather than rescuing her--it may be her incentive to change.

 

:iagree:Totally agree! My dh and I have had our share of financial hardships but we've cut out of the "fun" when necessary. After bankruptcy she bought a horse?! WTH?! Seriously, plus if she has filed bankruptcy within the last year good luck getting a decent car loan.

 

Honestly, if you do help her out and when it's time to remove said help, you could become the bad guy instead of the helper. I'd offer emotional support and help when you can, but I would NOT give her access to a vehicle with your liability at stake.

[Avila]

I understand wanting to help her, but it doesn't seem like she really wants your help or advice, unless it is on her terms and without her taking any responsibility. And if you rent her a car, you will be on the hook if she doesn't return it on time or if something happens while she has it. I wouldn't put your family at risk to help her for this.

 

I think helping her with gift cards to the grocery stores is a good plan. Even a ride to the car dealership can turn against you when she finds out she can't get the loan on her own and you co-signing is the only thing standing in between her driving away in her new car. I don't think I would want to have to tell her no on the spot like that at the dealership, and my guess is that is what is going to happen to you.

 

:grouphug:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Thanks for all the input!

 

 

Here are the things she had said to me regarding these great suggestions:

**Bus service: She doesn't want to do that because she is afraid it won't be safe.

 

***Husband helping with transportation: can only use his business vehicle for business

 

 

**Doesn't go to church

 

Advice about finances: Ugh she didn't like what I said and lectured me for a half an hour about how she should be able to spend her money on things to have fun since she doesn't go out to eat or on vacation like other people do..... All she does is work and raise her children...She should be able to have fun... She could say those things are stupid to do so (eating out, vacations) After the bankruptcy she bought a horse and pays 200 a month to board it, bought two pure breed dogs and has 4 ferrets....

 

I think my concern is right along with what others have said, I don't want to be unsupportive. However, I don't want to just provide a temporary solution to a long term problem that doesn't sound like it can just easily go away at this point. Volunteering to take her grocery shopping sounds like a good place to start... I like the idea of gift cards too...

 

I am sorry to say that I would not help her much beyond a grocery gift card since she may have to hit rock bottom to finally learn make better decisions:(

She should sell the horse and dogs and ferret if possible to save money or give them to the shelter IMHO. She needs to see the financial light and you need to not bail her out IMHO.

[Mrs Mungo]

Advice about finances: Ugh she didn't like what I said and lectured me for a half an hour about how she should be able to spend her money on things to have fun since she doesn't go out to eat or on vacation like other people do..... All she does is work and raise her children...She should be able to have fun... She could say those things are stupid to do so (eating out, vacations) After the bankruptcy she bought a horse and pays 200 a month to board it, bought two pure breed dogs and has 4 ferrets....

Well, there ya go. I wouldn't help someone in this situation. There are people who actually *need* help. If she got rid of her animals, especially the horse, she would have fewer financial problems. If she spend her money unwisely then she would have fewer financial problems. She doesn't *need* help, she is just too selfish to hunker down and take care of business *before* pleasure.

 

Eating out and going on vacation *are* stupid if you can't afford it, it's true. If you can afford it, then it's not stupid, you can spend your extra money the way that you want.

Edited January 5, 2010 by Mrs Mungo

[Harriet Vane]

Thanks for all the input!

 

 

Here are the things she had said to me regarding these great suggestions:

**Bus service: She doesn't want to do that because she is afraid it won't be safe. She is going to have to figure out a way to do this. When I was dirt poor I walked or took the bus or rode my bike. My walk at one place of employment was 45 minutes. At another place of employment it was an hour. I often walked in the dark and/or in the cold. Sometimes life is hard--you learn to figure it out and pay your bills.

 

***Husband helping with transportation: can only use his business vehicle for business

 

 

**Doesn't go to church

 

Advice about finances: Ugh she didn't like what I said and lectured me for a half an hour about how she should be able to spend her money on things to have fun since she doesn't go out to eat or on vacation like other people do..... All she does is work and raise her children...She should be able to have fun... She could say those things are stupid to do so (eating out, vacations) After the bankruptcy she bought a horse and pays 200 a month to board it, bought two pure breed dogs and has 4 ferrets....

Not feeling real sympathetic here. There is plenty of fun to be had for free or low cost. I know. I was dirt poor for many years. My sister was dirt poor for even longer than I was--her one and only luxury was cable TV.

 

I think my concern is right along with what others have said, I don't want to be unsupportive. However, I don't want to just provide a temporary solution to a long term problem that doesn't sound like it can just easily go away at this point. Volunteering to take her grocery shopping sounds like a good place to start... I like the idea of gift cards too...

 

No. Stop helping. Please, just stop helping. It's not good for her.

[joannqn]

Buying cake, soda, and prepackaged food on food stamps doesn't bother me in the slightest. At least it gets eaten and it provides calories to fill the belly. Misusing a bankruptcy drives me nuts. If she had enough income to buy a horse, purebred dogs, and ferrets, that money should have been given to her creditors.

 

Let her ride the horse to work. She's made her choices. Let her bear the consequences. Sell the horse and she'd have plenty of money for a working car. That $200 to board the horse every month could buy half a month's groceries every month. She has resources she can use if she wants to...instead she's trying to get other people to give her theirs.

 

You aren't helping her by giving her money or money equivalents.

[jenL]

I have to agree with others who are saying to not help her. If you do, you will be enabling her, and changes will not be made. Tough love in this situation is the best love you can give her. She's an adult, and it's time to learn that she is responsible for her actions. All of them.

[QuirkyKapers]

Thanks for everyone's input! Much appreciated:)

[Caribbean Queen]

**Bus service: She doesn't want to do that because she is afraid it won't be safe.

After the bankruptcy she bought a horse and pays 200 a month to board it, bought two pure breed dogs and has 4 ferrets.... Volunteering to take her grocery shopping sounds like a good place to start... I like the idea of gift cards too...

 

Good grief! Do not give this person any money. Do not give her gift cards. Do not rent her a car. No.

[Dobela]

Good grief! Do not give this person any money. Do not give her gift cards. Do not rent her a car. No.

I actually have to agree with this. If she really wanted/needed help, you would not have driven out to her house just to be turned away. If she can afford all those animals, then she can afford a car, or to have hers fixed correctly. Even after a bankruptcy you can buy a car from a used dealer. yeah, the interest is high but if you budget well you can pay it off much sooner and not have to pay all the interest on the loan. It is better than no car.

[Melissa in FL]

Buying cake, soda, and prepackaged food on food stamps doesn't bother me in the slightest. At least it gets eaten and it provides calories to fill the belly. Misusing a bankruptcy drives me nuts. If she had enough income to buy a horse, purebred dogs, and ferrets, that money should have been given to her creditors.

 

Let her ride the horse to work. She's made her choices. Let her bear the consequences. Sell the horse and she'd have plenty of money for a working car. That $200 to board the horse every month could buy half a month's groceries every month. She has resources she can use if she wants to...instead she's trying to get other people to give her theirs.

 

You aren't helping her by giving her money or money equivalents.

 

:iagree: I would not give gift cards or anything else to someone who recently bought a horse and pays $200/mo for it's upkeep and isn't willing to get on a bus to keep her job. There are many other people who need help. This woman does not, if she can manage to get herself a horse, she'll manage to find herself a car!

Melissa

[kelouis75]

Let her ride the horse to work. She's made her choices. Let her bear the consequences. Sell the horse and she'd have plenty of money for a working car. That $200 to board the horse every month could buy half a month's groceries every month. She has resources she can use if she wants to...instead she's trying to get other people to give her theirs.

 

You aren't helping her by giving her money or money equivalents.

 

:lol: That statement had me cracking up...

 

As the other posters have said, don't put your family in jeopardy, because of her choices... I agree, and I'm very long sufferering and sympathethic when it comes to these types of things...

[Denisemomof4]

Thanks for all the input!

 

 

Here are the things she had said to me regarding these great suggestions:

**Bus service: She doesn't want to do that because she is afraid it won't be safe.

 

***Husband helping with transportation: can only use his business vehicle for business

 

 

**Doesn't go to church

 

Advice about finances: Ugh she didn't like what I said and lectured me for a half an hour about how she should be able to spend her money on things to have fun since she doesn't go out to eat or on vacation like other people do..... All she does is work and raise her children...She should be able to have fun... She could say those things are stupid to do so (eating out, vacations) After the bankruptcy she bought a horse and pays 200 a month to board it, bought two pure breed dogs and has 4 ferrets....

 

I think my concern is right along with what others have said, I don't want to be unsupportive. However, I don't want to just provide a temporary solution to a long term problem that doesn't sound like it can just easily go away at this point. Volunteering to take her grocery shopping sounds like a good place to start... I like the idea of gift cards too...

 

the bus may not be safe? I'm sorry, but that one is a joke.

 

Honestly, the worst thing you can do, in my opinion, is to help her. And I wouldn't get a grocery card where she could buy things unnecessary (cigarettes, alcohol, etc.) but I'd bring the kids some groceries. And I'd recommend you NEVER put yourself in a spot where you could be financially responsible for any debt of hers (renting a car, accident, etc.)

 

My sister goes to court to finalize her bankruptcy tomorrow. I love her, and I know I'm going to sound cold hearted, but the entire situation really bothers me. We haven't given them one red cent, because we have our own family to be responsible for. They should have been wiser with their money. They have a time share, a boat, snowmobiles, a very, very nice home. Her husband is a mechanic, she doesn't work. They vacation twice per year, did Disney World several times. They always talk about their summer vacation and their winter vacation. Anyone who meets them would most definitely think they are very well off due to the lifestyle they lead. Their kids get designer clothing and pretty much everything they've ever asked for. Everything. They eat out all the time. I'm disgusted that they can live the high life, rack up 400k in credit card debt alone, and also owe 350k on a house, one they've lived in for 20 years, bought for 180k and paid 50k down payment. They file bankruptcy, won't be repaying the 400k, oh, and before they filed, went out and charged up a TON of money decorating their house. :001_huh: I shouldn't talk about my sister this way, I love her. But I don't think it's fair that they can get away with doing all they have, get to keep their home, etc.

 

People need to be responsible for their own situations. Now if a family was an honest, hard working family that did not get into a hard/tight situation due to living and spending recklessly and foolishly, that's different. I would try to help. But I'm sorry, I don't feel bad for people who were foolish and unwise and now find themselves in a tough spot. And I also hate that your friend has excuses and doesn't want to hear anything about finances.

 

I'm sorry, this is a hot spot for me right now. I also have a brother who owes a debt and isn't doing what he can to pay it off either. It just bothers me because ultimately, dh and everyone else who works hard and is being honest ultimately has to pay for all of this.

 

Again, some hard working person who hasn't been foolish to get them in this predicament and falls on hard times, my heart goes out to. But those living beyond their means, those who keep up with or bypass the Jones', it's a tough lesson.

 

BTW, my sister blames the banks for giving/qualifying them to get all the money they did, so I guess the banks are to blame. :001_huh:

[Denisemomof4]

also, they obviously haven't learned their lesson, and it stinks they bought all those animals. The first one to have a medical issue will be the one to pay the price. What a rotten shame.

[Momma2Many66]

After reading your updated post please scratch everything I said in my previous post.

 

DO NOT GIVE THIS FRIEND ANYTHING OF MONETARY VALUE !!

 

She is someone who will always be "needy" because she chooses to live that way.

 

The bankruptcy taught her nothing, she still lives a rich man lifestyle on a poor man's purse. Most high incomed people couldn't afford a horse or two purebred dogs.

 

Now I understand exactly why her family has backed away and refuses to help her out financially, it all makes sense now.

 

Really, don't give her anything unless you want to gift her with a Dave Ramsey book (cost about 10 bucks on Amazon), that is the most I would give. But most likely, she will use it for a doorstop or cup holder instead of it's intended purpose.

 

Let her fall, she needs to fall before she learns to walk on her own. And sometimes, even that doesn't teach some people.

 

Be a good friend and back away, I don't even know if emotional support is good for you to do at this point. Your emotional support will probably just be hard for you to watch the eventual outcome and will just prolong her "neediness" and stupid choices. She doesn't need emotional support, she needs a good kick in the pants and a wake up call. But you can't give that to her, life will, don't worry, life has a way of waking everyone up eventually.

 

I've been woken up far to many times to count.

 

I'd keep busy and keep away, let her solve her own problems.

 

This type of person doesn't want real help, they enjoy being a victim and have that mentality.

 

You deserve better !

[OnTheBrink]

 

Let her ride the horse to work. She's made her choices. Let her bear the consequences. Sell the horse and she'd have plenty of money for a working car. That $200 to board the horse every month could buy half a month's groceries every month. She has resources she can use if she wants to...instead she's trying to get other people to give her theirs.

 

You aren't helping her by giving her money or money equivalents.

 

My thoughts exactly. How ballsy of her to ask for help when she has extra luxuries she could cut out in order to make things easier. She wants to have fun? Go have it, but the piper needs to be paid.

 

I would NEVER co-sign a loan for anyone, or rent a car for them. This woman has shown she is very immature and irresponsible and not worth the financial risk.

[Denisemomof4]

The bankruptcy taught her nothing, she still lives a rich man lifestyle on a poor man's purse. Most high incomed people couldn't afford a horse or two purebred dogs.

 

 

and that's an understatement. If I shared all I've spent on my horse in the past couple of years, you'd :svengo:

[Joanne]

There is some research and info that offers some understanding as to why people @ functional poverty levels buy luxury items when they have money. I'm not defending the choice, but offering this info to let you know that there is a dynamic that develops and is common.

 

I'm torn. In some ways, I've lived their life. Well, without the horses and ferrets! :lol:

 

I'd take the bus and do drive clunkers.

 

I'm not a fan of Dave Ramsey in the case of poverty level, extreme "no cash" situations.

 

If I did anything, I'd help directly with groceries or directly pay a bill such as a light bill.

[Renee in NC]

I wouldn't help them with this (given what you have said here) and I am willing to help almost anyone. Those "We finance everyone" places really do if she really can't get on the bus.

 

Me? I'd ride the bus and be thankful there *was* bus service. So many don't even have access to that!

[Renee in NC]

There is some research and info that offers some understanding as to why people @ functional poverty levels buy luxury items when they have money. I'm not defending the choice, but offering this info to let you know that there is a dynamic that develops and is common.

 

I'm torn. In some ways, I've lived their life. Well, without the horses and ferrets! :lol:

 

I'd take the bus and do drive clunkers.

 

I'm not a fan of Dave Ramsey in the case of poverty level, extreme "no cash" situations.

 

If I did anything, I'd help directly with groceries or directly pay a bill such as a light bill.

 

:iagree: This is true for many cases. However, a lecture about how she doesn't want help with her finances it what sent me down the "don't help" path.

[nrg]

offer to help her find a buyer for the horse! and the dogs! and the ferrets! and any other big ticket items she has!

 

In the meantime, she can take the bus and keep her job.

 

The final blow to you will be when she loses her job through her own stubbornness and greed and blames you for not helping. Draw your lines now. Step away. Do something else; be too busy.

[Renai]

Let her ride the horse to work.

 

:lol: That statement had me cracking up...

 

 

Yeah, me too.

 

We are in dire straits, but don't even have satellite or cable, let alone a horse. I do keep dsl, cuz without it, I wouldn't get any paycheck (most of my work is online).

 

And about the bus, please. At one time, I could only accept tutoring jobs that were on my bus route. That limited me, but thankfully it's been enough. Our bus drivers our pretty good about controlling the riffraff.

 

And, ok, this next smiley is NOT a horse. But, I couldn't resist. Please, just imagine it without the horns ok? It fits, it really is on topic.

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Edited January 6, 2010 by Renai
added info about riding the bus.

[OrganicAnn]

These are things I might do:

 

Give her a Dave Ramsey book or something similar.

 

Give her groceries and and one or two recipes that are cheap and nutritious to show that you can live on less. There are many places in the world where they live on rice and beans for most of their meals.

 

If she manages to get an old car, pay for AAA for her. I'm not sure how much this costs so this might be unreasonable. We had a family member that went through a rough decade and could only afford those broken down cars. We never helped with buying the car, but we paid for AAA to help them out in case the car broke down somewhere. And they did often.

 

Offer to watch her kids so that her husband could go with her on the bus the first couple of times so that they both can see that it is not as scary as they might think that it is.

 

But if you thought she didn't want this type of help, I would let it drop and not help at all.

Edited January 6, 2010 by OrganicAnn

[QueenCat]

I would take over some kid friendly food to be sure the kids got adequate food. They shouldn't have to suffer if you can help. And for the parents, if you feel they really won't get any. Some of this though is about natural consequences for ones actions.

[Denisemomof4]

 

there ya go again. Love it!

:thumbup:

[Renai]

there ya go again. Love it!

:thumbup:

 

It works on two levels, see? Riding the horse to work, and getting a kick in the pants, LOL! :D

[catalinakel]

Buying cake, soda, and prepackaged food on food stamps doesn't bother me in the slightest. At least it gets eaten and it provides calories to fill the belly. Misusing a bankruptcy drives me nuts. If she had enough income to buy a horse, purebred dogs, and ferrets, that money should have been given to her creditors.

 

Let her ride the horse to work. She's made her choices. Let her bear the consequences. Sell the horse and she'd have plenty of money for a working car. That $200 to board the horse every month could buy half a month's groceries every month. She has resources she can use if she wants to...instead she's trying to get other people to give her theirs.

 

You aren't helping her by giving her money or money equivalents.

Well said, Joanne. :iagree:

[PollyOR]

offer to help her find a buyer for the horse! and the dogs! and the ferrets! and any other big ticket items she has!

 

She is paying to board a horse yet expects others to give her a ride to work? Selfish.