How would you politely confront mother of 2 diabetics who does not follow diet?

[lakotajm]

I am an aunt (by marriage) to a young mother of 5 children (stairsteps), two of whom are diabetic. According to their mother, they are type 1. All five children have been or are overweight and all have been subjected to terrible diets, from only a few months after birth. For example, the baby, 9 months, is rarely sent to church with anything in her bottle but chocolate milk or koolaid (often diet). None of the children will drink water unless forced, or white milk, or diluted fruit juice, etc. they only drink diet soda or koolaid or chocolate milk for the non-diabetics.

 

They are rarely fed vegetables "because they won't eat them". In other words, they whined once and they got to eat something else. So then they are never made to eat a vegetable again. They eat white bread, chips, etc. After they first were diagnosed with diabetes (and this was through trauma/comas), the mother tried to stick with a doctor approved diet for a few weeks. That's it. Now they mostly get to eat whatever everyone else is eating, and then they just check their sugar and give them a shot. The only "diabetic" food they consume is that they always have diet drinks. That is the parents' and grandparents' idea of "Oh well, that will at least help." So they consume large amounts of Aspartame. It is their grandmother (my SIL) who is probably worse than the mother.

 

I have tried to subtly suggest alternatives, information, etc., none of which gets heeded. The kids pout when Aunt Lakota tries to make them eat healthy. "We can only have diet soda", they say.

 

I just about lost my usual cool today when the baby had nothing decent to drink (just diet koolaid) and the only food in the diaper bag was canned luncheon meat! She was cranky and sleepy. Where was her formula-they never bring any?! Argh! So I gave her water and my SIL comes along and says, "oh! you need some juice (diet koolaid)" and switches bottles.

 

Why can they not see they are killing their children? Why is that ok?!

Why does every comment I make land on deaf ears? It is easier to just poison them then shoot 'em up. Just don't think of how it destroys their tissues. What about when they are grown (if they ever live that long)? They will not know how to take care of themselves, and they've been taught that no-one needs self-discipline. Do I just remain sweet about it forever and watch the other 3 develop diabetes too?

 

Lakota

[Emmy]

I have no real suggestions because I don't believe you can "make" another person see where they are doing wrong in a case like this but I want to offer :grouphug: and say I feel for you watching this situation from the outside; it makes me physically ill to think of those poor children. That is just heartbreaking. :(

[zaichiki]

It's not really about the diabetes. It's just true that there are some (many) parents in the world who are not very good parents. It's very sad. There's not much we can do about it and that part is hard when we know the children personally. Sigh.

[Tap]

Maybe you can help her find cooking classes to help her learn to cook better and among other things... to make veggies more palatable. Either offer to babysit so she can go, or go with her.

 

Take the kids to cooking classes. This may be the best option if you can find one for nutritious meals.

[QueenCat]

Be careful to not be confrontational, or you could lose any time you now have with these kids. Be a model, not a nag. Nagging rarely works. I don't say this to be mean but from personal experience, as the nag who lost out.

[LibraryLover]

Do they not have a doctor?

[ChristusG]

Oh my gosh....I do not even have any words. I feel so bad for those poor children. The mother is setting them up for life long health problems.

[mirth]

Isn't there something criminal about feeding a 9mo baby diet Koolaid and cold cuts all the time? I would talk to the dad. I'm pretty sure paternal instinct and common sense must kick in if you just lay it all out for him. No politeness. "Your wife is acting like an idiot. Take a guess, how many infants drink Koolaid and eat baloney for their good health?"

Edited November 30, 2009 by mirth

[vettechmomof2]

Well, first thing is praise this woman for dealing with 2 children who have Type 1.

And know that their diet has nothing to do with causing Type 1 for them.

 

Dealing with Type 1 for 1 child is/can be very difficult. Personally I would recommend babysitting for a weekend( to have to wake up and get those overnight numbers) to get an idea of the mothers work, it can be really hard.

 

As for wanting to help them change to a healthier eating lifestlye is tricky because everyone has different views of what is healthy. I agree that no water is not healthy and fake drinks does not work all the time, so no argument there from me BUT what we take out with us vs. what we eat at home might be completely 2 different types of foods. When we are out I do tend to like pre packaged food(like granola bars or cheese/meats). That either has carb counts or no carbs so that life is made easier for my daughter. I would not feed anything like that for a 9 month old but we do not know the rest of the story, is she breastfeeding?

 

I would find out about having the children(if old enough) and mom and you take some healthy cooking classes or have a cooking day and show how for each food item you need to count out all carbs, weigh each food item to find out carbs, maybe compare final numbers to the Calorie King book or buy them a Salter Scale to assist with that.

 

Not only is Type 1 emotionally difficult at times but it is financially difficult and having more then 1 can really add on to a parents stress due to lack of sleep and so much else.

 

Thank you for caring for this family but do not forget the mothers need throughtout this life long disease of her children.

 

Take care.:grouphug:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I have a friend like this with a Type 1 daughter. I have watched her test her daughter's blood and then give her a shot so that the daughter can eat a humongous brownie with gooey gobs of marshmallow and fudge on top, or a giant heaping plate of white pasta, or a bowl of ice cream. The whole family eats like that, including the father, so I don't see how you could approach the father about it. I don't say anything to this friend directly, but I do talk about how much better I feel since incorporating whole grains and lots of fresh fruit and veggies into my diet, to drop the hint. I don't feel it is my place to impose my views on the parenting skills of my friend. However, I do feel the doctor should make it abundantly clear that if they do not improve their diets, they will all be in ill health, especially the diabetic.

[Anne Rittenhouse]

Politely.... You don't. You don't say a thing to her or her children. Period.

 

It is sad. It is hurtful to watch, but you can't say a thing.

[chickenpatty]

I have a friend like this with a Type 1 daughter. I have watched her test her daughter's blood and then give her a shot so that the daughter can eat a humongous brownie with gooey gobs of marshmallow and fudge on top, or a giant heaping plate of white pasta, or a bowl of ice cream.

 

My dd10 has type 1, and this is what I would do. We try to eat healthy in general, but we do have treats every now and then. The way we manage dd's diabetes is to give her enough insulin (in the form of a shot) to cover the carbs she eats. Your body does the same thing, but it's your pancreas that does it. Depending on her blood sugar, dd could need a shot whether it's a brownie or a homemade, whole wheat granola bar. It's all about covering the carbs, and even healthy stuff has carbs. Type 1 diabetics can eat like everyone else, but they just have to have enough insulin to cover it. Having a to take a shot is not a sign that you are doing something wrong.

 

That said, feeding young children diet drinks and bologna regularly is scary and sad, diabetic or not!

 

:001_smile:

[lgm]

I can sympathize..a relative that is a nurse was the first to hand my toddler a can of soda. The belief is that if you feed the child meat and sugar he will grow big and tall. Tall and big are seen as good b/c less people mess with the kid. The child will change the diet towards healthy if he gets involved in sports (typically football) and the coach pushes healthy. The parents will support the change b/c they are looking for a scholarship. Occasionally I've seen a teen change b/c they become aware that thinness is desireable in the opposite sex...but parents don't usually support it.

 

I would guess that there are money issues if the baby never has formula or the older children never have milk. Fruit juice, by the way, is now discouraged by the pediatricians b/c it adds calories to the daily diet that really should have come from nutrient dense food. The change to a better diet can come from anywhere...snacks the children have enjoyed at other places such as preschool or relatives, 4-H, scouts, etc but the children are stuck if the parents won't bring nutritious food in the house and get the children out for exercise.

 

With 5 little ones, mama is probably very busy. Perhaps the extended family would have time on Sunday afternoon to cut up veggie snacks for the little ones for the week, and watch the children while someone helps mama thru the weekly meal planning and some preparation?

 

If the older kids can reason and inquire as to why you're not chowing down on junk, you might tell them why soda is sooo attractive to the brain and what the effects of aspartame and nutrasweet are. Don't give up on leading by example...it will become a part of their life to realize that the healthy relatives can moderate their diet and choose to say no to the junk food mania etc and enjoy real food and one day they will realize that they can choose to have that power over themselves also.

 

In the meantime, I'd find out what type of forumula the baby is supposed to be having and have it on hand when sitting. You can also introduce the baby to appropriately textured real foods if you're sitting during meal or snack time as it will help the baby acquire the taste for them.

[Jenny in Atl]

As a mother of a child with Type-1, I never feed her so-called diabetic foods. Most all are marketed to folks with Type-2, usually seniors. They're over processed and full of chemicals.

 

It's a misnomer that kids with Type-1 must be on some special diet, different from any other healthy kid their age; this is not true. Most newly dx kids and adults with Type-1, follow a diet to help gauge their insulin needs. Once carb ratios are somewhat clear, then carb restrictions are often relaxed, and a well balance healthy diet is stressed, just as it would be with any growing child.

 

I totally agree that this gal has no idea what good nutrition means. Are they hurting money wise? Often whole foods (fruits, veggies, etc) are expensive, and many see sugary/fatty junk as a cheap tummy filling alternative. Is there anyway the local community (your church/her church) can help out?

Is there a local JDRF support group she could join? They have wonderful resources for families dealing with Type-1.

 

Instead of shaming her, try to show her and the kids that there are delicious foods that nourish the body as well as the taste-buds.

[G5052]

It will do zero good, and you'll crack the relationship. Trust me.

 

I've gotten into discussions with people who are horrified that I don't police my children at potlucks and that I vaccinate them, and it goes nowhere. So I let such things lie.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

My dd10 has type 1, and this is what I would do. We try to eat healthy in general, but we do have treats every now and then. The way we manage dd's diabetes is to give her enough insulin (in the form of a shot) to cover the carbs she eats. Your body does the same thing, but it's your pancreas that does it. Depending on her blood sugar, dd could need a shot whether it's a brownie or a homemade, whole wheat granola bar. It's all about covering the carbs, and even healthy stuff has carbs. Type 1 diabetics can eat like everyone else, but they just have to have enough insulin to cover it. Having a to take a shot is not a sign that you are doing something wrong.

 

That said, feeding young children diet drinks and bologna regularly is scary and sad, diabetic or not!

 

:001_smile:

 

 

My point was that the family just eats lots of simple carbs all the time. The only "vegetable" I've ever seen at their house is iceberg lettuce. They are all extremely overweight, probably what one would call morbidly obese. Their dietary choices are not what I would choose, particularly if I had a diabetic child. I don't think a diabetic child should be denied all treats, especially when other kids are around and enjoying the same treats. I think the problem with the OP's family and with my friends is that they don't understand what they are doing to their bodies and how they are damaging their children's health- especially the ones with diabetes who need to be extra careful.

[chickenpatty]

Gotcha! :)

[homeschoolally]

I agree with the pp's that this is a tough situation to be in, and that confrontation probably isn't the best solution--unfortunately.

 

I just wanted to mention that if I were going to pick one item to mention, a 'pick your battles' kind of approach--I'd address the aspartame issue. Not quite sure how I'd do it, but if you decided to do something-- that part might not seem too overwhelming and accusatory to the mom, and IMO--it is healthwise--brain development-wise, a big concern. She may not even be aware that it is an 'excitotoxin' and can damage brain cells.

 

Hope you can get some good advice from those who've actually dealt with diabetes, and good luck. That would be a difficult position to deal with.:grouphug:

[melmichigan]

As a mother of a child with Type-1, I never feed her so-called diabetic foods. Most all are marketed to folks with Type-2, usually seniors. They're over processed and full of chemicals.

 

It's a misnomer that kids with Type-1 must be on some special diet, different from any other healthy kid their age; this is not true. Most newly dx kids and adults with Type-1, follow a diet to help gauge their insulin needs. Once carb ratios are somewhat clear, then carb restrictions are often relaxed, and a well balance healthy diet is stressed, just as it would be with any growing child.

 

I totally agree that this gal has no idea what good nutrition means. Are they hurting money wise? Often whole foods (fruits, veggies, etc) are expensive, and many see sugary/fatty junk as a cheap tummy filling alternative. Is there anyway the local community (your church/her church) can help out?

Is there a local JDRF support group she could join? They have wonderful resources for families dealing with Type-1.

 

Instead of shaming her, try to show her and the kids that there are delicious foods that nourish the body as well as the taste-buds.

 

:iagree: Times have changed. Insulin depnedant diabetics no longer need to eat a specific diet. Although it should be nutritous. ;)

 

I now wear an insulin pump most of the time and just count my carbs. My blood work reflects normal ranges, although high normal. Eons away from the way my mom was raised as a diabetic that many years ago. I don't know if she ever tasted ice cream and I never in my life saw her with dessert of any kind. My mother was one of the first in the country to test the new glucose monitors when they came out, (she was on experimental peritoneal dialysis at the time) they were the size of a really big shoe box. I'm sure she is smiling down at all the progress that has been made.

 

I think the emphasis should be more on nutrition than the diabetes. If the children's sugars are way off the doctor would know that and be working with the parents. There are many resources out there for them to recommend.

[melmichigan]

The artificial sweetener might be a hard battle if they have been incorrectly taught that it is the best way to go with diabetics. That is old school teaching and some docs still give that advice.

 

I wish I had more good advice...

[tricia]

Perhaps you can use a personal experience if you have any. Like::

 

If her little one is cranky and difficult maybe you could say, you know, when my little one gets cranky and tired like that I usually can right away trace it to the junk food I gave her this morning. It took me a while to figure it out but I am amazed at how low nutritional foods make my children act. How about trying this or that? You fill in the this or that part.

 

Good luck with this. These things are difficult. And do it in a spirit of love. Because sometimes our actions are motivated more by the idea that "I am smarter than you in this area and determined to let you know that" rather than really showing you care about her and the children.

[LNC]

This is just about the diabetes aspect of your concern:

 

Type 1 diabetes is not a lifestyle disease, it is an autoimmune disease. Completely different than type2 diabetes. Not the same disease!!! Drive me crazy!

 

My son was diagnosed at 4yo and is now 8yo. At time his friend's moms have taken it upon themselves to deny him birthday cake at parties. He asks for the phone to call me for a carb count to enter into his pump, but they deny him for "his own good". Totally irritating.

 

For children with type 1 diabetes, their overactive immune systems (autoimmune) destroyed the islet cells in their pancreas. They use insulin for the rest of their lives through shots or an inulin pump. This regimen of checking blood sugar, counting carbs, and delivering insulin acts as an artificial pancreas.

Edited November 30, 2009 by LNC

[Joanne]

The diet style and parenting style is appalling, regardless of the medical diagnosis.

 

It's none of your business, really, as it's not gross neglect or abuse. I personally find it mild neglect in terms of health, but that's opinion and of no consequence in terms of "what you should do".

 

You may institutite a "my house my rules" policy when you've been asked to watch them, but you do not have a role in offering feedback to the grown, adult parents.

 

Think of it this way; who in YOUR life has been granted the status of offering parenting, discipline or homeschooling feedback to you?

[Haiku]

My advice is to stay out of it. I have two kids with chronic medical conditions, and I can't tell you the number of times I get unsolicited (and often completely whack-job, but that's another story) advice about what I "should" be doing. Now, I am conscientious about my kids' care, and I know that there are moms out there who aren't, but really, I get so much "advice" that I really just kinda tune people out. It comes across as criticism pretty much no matter how someone says it.

 

What I would do is send a letter to the kids' doctor, anonymously if necessary, stating your concerns. Then the doctor can address it.

 

Tara

[Marie in Oh]

Isn't there something criminal about feeding a 9mo baby diet Koolaid and cold cuts all the time? I would talk to the dad. I'm pretty sure paternal instinct and common sense must kick in if you just lay it all out for him. No politeness. "Your wife is acting like an idiot. Take a guess, how many infants drink Koolaid and eat baloney for their good health?"

 

Every time I have been at the local children's hospital in the ER with one of my kids (rarely, but with 7 kids I have had to go there), I see these types of parents who are just clueless. Bottles for 6 month old babies with pink milk (strawberry quick), or Coke in their bottles. I mean really, it is very very sad. My friend who works in the PICU there has some stories about the uneducated parents who bring their kids in. There are times when I think parents really should have a license or something.

[Laurie4b]

1) Type I diabetes is not caused by diet. It's a combination of genetics and possibly exposure to some kind of virus. So other kids are not going to get Type I diabetes from diet no matter what their diet. They could get Type 2 from that type of diet eventually.

 

2) I understand that you want the kids to be healthy, but your posts sound judgmental rather than just concerned. Online communication can miscommunicate, so perhaps that's not true. However, if there is an aspect of judgment there, the parents are quite unlikely to listen to you. People can spot it a mile away without you having spelled it out for them. People usually get their backs up and are less likely to change. People listen to people who they feel are on their side & understand what's hard about what they are trying to change.

 

3) I would offer as a pp suggested to take the kids for a weekend--not to change the family, but to help out. Don't feed them stuff which to them would be horrible, but you could offer fruit, for instance.

 

4) You're describing a very common approach to feeding kids . It's especially common in lower income brackets. This is not good for anyone, but it's cultural for many.

Edited December 1, 2009 by Laurie4b

[lakotajm]

Do they not have a doctor?

I'm sure they do, they go to the ped. fairly often, as they are frequently sick (not surprising). The next to oldest is recovering from h1n1. They almost always have snotty noses. So I hear of them going to the doctor.

 

And of course, when they came back from the children's hospital in St. Louis, they were given dietary recommendations. They surely know what they are supposed to be doing. Their mother was following the diet at first, as I said. But she is young and does not have much education (dropped out of school at 15 when she became pregnant with the oldest).

And I am sure she is overwhelmed. Though I dare say, many of us are more overwhelmed, what with two of them in school. And she foists them on one or the other grandparents a lot of the time.

 

I know I sound irritated. I am just tired of watching idly. It isn't fair to the children.

 

Lakota

[lakotajm]

My dd10 has type 1, and this is what I would do. We try to eat healthy in general, but we do have treats every now and then. The way we manage dd's diabetes is to give her enough insulin (in the form of a shot) to cover the carbs she eats. Your body does the same thing, but it's your pancreas that does it. Depending on her blood sugar, dd could need a shot whether it's a brownie or a homemade, whole wheat granola bar. It's all about covering the carbs, and even healthy stuff has carbs. Type 1 diabetics can eat like everyone else, but they just have to have enough insulin to cover it. Having a to take a shot is not a sign that you are doing something wrong.

 

That said, feeding young children diet drinks and bologna regularly is scary and sad, diabetic or not!

 

:001_smile:

 

That is part of what confuses me. That is what they say, but wouldn't they need less shots if they ate right, and isn't shooting them up with the insulin that much detrimental? I thought I had read that it is not the same as if your body was doing it, and either way, your body's tissues will be negatively affected by all that "indulge and cover" business (Just as it is when your body has to do this for you when you eat too many carbs).

 

Lakota

[zaichiki]

That is part of what confuses me. That is what they say, but wouldn't they need less shots if they ate right,

 

Not necessarily. They need insulin for carbohydrates, whether those carbs are whole grains and fruits or simple sugars. The real issue is the lack of nutritious foods. This is bad for people with and people without diabetes.

 

 

and isn't shooting them up with the insulin that much detrimental?

 

As far as I know insulin is not detrimental. The detrimental part would be if they used more than enough to "cover" the blood sugar or not enough.

 

I thought I had read that it is not the same as if your body was doing it, and either way, your body's tissues will be negatively affected by all that "indulge and cover" business (Just as it is when your body has to do this for you when you eat too many carbs).

 

Lakota

 

I really think the issue here isn't the diabetes, but the nutrition for all of the children.

[lakotajm]

I would guess that there are money issues if the baby never has formula or the older children never have milk. Fruit juice, by the way, is now discouraged by the pediatricians b/c it adds calories to the daily diet that really should have come from nutrient dense food.

 

With 5 little ones, mama is probably very busy. Perhaps the extended family would have time on Sunday afternoon to cut up veggie snacks for the little ones for the week, and watch the children while someone helps mama thru the weekly meal planning and some preparation?

 

If the older kids can reason and inquire as to why you're not chowing down on junk, you might tell them why soda is sooo attractive to the brain and what the effects of aspartame and nutrasweet are. Don't give up on leading by example...it will become a part of their life to realize that the healthy relatives can moderate their diet and choose to say no to the junk food mania etc and enjoy real food and one day they will realize that they can choose to have that power over themselves also.

 

In the meantime, I'd find out what type of forumula the baby is supposed to be having and have it on hand when sitting. You can also introduce the baby to appropriately textured real foods if you're sitting during meal or snack time as it will help the baby acquire the taste for them.

 

Money is not really the issue as they are on food stamps and WIC.

The fruit juice I brought to church and tried to serve to them was the watered down kind.

I have tried the example thing, but they all just think I am weird. They don't look forward to eating at my house;) "Veggie burgers! broccoli! Apples ! Agh!"

 

I think I will buy some of those pack and go single serve formula for the baby if I can find out her kind. The Mom has a habit of breast feeding for about a week before giving up. I don't even think she tried with the last one. And she did not have trouble with it, just didn't like it-it was inconvenient.

 

She is pretty immature, but mostly because she has had enablers in the form of her parents/ parents-in-law. They started out with the first one taking over a lot of the childcare "because she is still young and hasn't gotten to fully enjoy her youth". So she and her husband take off to go fishing or to the "titty bar" every so often, leaving the kids with others. It is sad, I've seen them do this without hardly warning the kids, and watched them cry and holler, "Don't go!"

So she just keeps having kid after kid that she hardly bothers to take care of. She has been forced by the diabetes to spend more time with them. So I would say that has gotten better. I am glad. I am sad for the reason.

 

Lakota

[Jenny in Atl]

Money is not really the issue as they are on food stamps and WIC. Lakota

 

:confused:

 

Eating well is not cheap, and rarely will food stamps or WIC cover a well balanced diet (lots of fruits and veggies). Also diabetes meds (insulin, test strips, ketone strips, syringes, etc) are very expensive. $$ and a lack of education are very much the issue here. Please find out if she has had any contact with the JDRF. They have outreach/support for cases like this.

[Mommyof4ks]

Money is not really the issue as they are on food stamps and WIC.

The fruit juice I brought to church and tried to serve to them was the watered down kind.

I have tried the example thing, but they all just think I am weird. They don't look forward to eating at my house;) "Veggie burgers! broccoli! Apples ! Agh!"

 

I think I will buy some of those pack and go single serve formula for the baby if I can find out her kind. The Mom has a habit of breast feeding for about a week before giving up. I don't even think she tried with the last one. And she did not have trouble with it, just didn't like it-it was inconvenient.

 

She is pretty immature, but mostly because she has had enablers in the form of her parents/ parents-in-law. They started out with the first one taking over a lot of the childcare "because she is still young and hasn't gotten to fully enjoy her youth". So she and her husband take off to go fishing or to the "titty bar" every so often, leaving the kids with others. It is sad, I've seen them do this without hardly warning the kids, and watched them cry and holler, "Don't go!"

So she just keeps having kid after kid that she hardly bothers to take care of. She has been forced by the diabetes to spend more time with them. So I would say that has gotten better. I am glad. I am sad for the reason.

 

Lakota

 

WIC and food stamps does not allow for 'healthy' choices at least in our state. We had foster kids on WIC, and all of the choices were riddled with HFCS and nothing was what I would consider healthy (even the milk was yucky lol). That said 'healthy' means something different to everyone and eating 'unhealthy' foods does not seem to affect any of my friend's kids who choose to feed their kids coke in a bottle and such. I had a friend who is a type 1 diabetic (I don't know how she is these days), and she had coke and birthday cake at my birthday parties as a kid so I don't know how much that really plays into that type. That is not to say that they should not eat more fruits and veggies, but that does not really sound like the issue for you but rather their general parenting style.

 

FWIW, healthy in our family means no veggie burgers because my son's oncologist says he needs to eat the real thing for meat proteins lol. Healthy really is different for everyone, so try to stay out of it and focus on your own kiddos health.

[Renai]

WIC and food stamps does not allow for 'healthy' choices at least in our state. We had foster kids on WIC, and all of the choices were riddled with HFCS and nothing was what I would consider healthy (even the milk was yucky lol). That said 'healthy' means something different to everyone and eating 'unhealthy' foods does not seem to affect any of my friend's kids who choose to feed their kids coke in a bottle and such.

 

Interesting. Here, the only thing WIC covers is regular milk, real cheese, certain cereals (not sugary), fresh carrots, formula. Things like that. Food stamps does not have list- you can buy just about anything except alcohol with them. I take advantage and buy all kinds of healthy foods- lots of fresh fruits and veggies. The local farmer's market even accepts food stamps. I don't go there, but do shop the local organic co-op when I can and use food stamps there as well.

Edited December 1, 2009 by Renai
typo

[Peela]

Although the woman and family are in a sad sitation, she is probably not too stupid to notice that others like yourself don't eat like her. Whatever it was in her life that sent her down the hole to obesity and neglectful parenting was probably not nice, and only she can really get herself out of it again. But having been down a few holes myself- I was grateful for unconditional love and acceptance, but usually not too happy to hear judgements and unsoclicited advice.

Its sad though. I like the idea of writing to her doctor too, and letting him know. But people like this need classes and ongoing support programs. I don't know if those are available to this woman.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You said that you are an aunt by marriage to the mom in this situation. Do you have a good relationship with your nephew (the father)? Do you have a good relationship with your niece -in- law? By a good relationship, I mean an actual friendship. I would start by cultivating that. No one is going to want to solicit your advice unless they feel like you are their friend first and foremost.

[lgm]

Money is not really the issue as they are on food stamps and WIC.

 

I'd have to disagree. Many folks in this position think the money goes further if they buy the junk rather than the milk b/c they get more servings and it's more filling. If they thought they had enough $$, they'd buy the milk and the formula. I don't know the price by you, but by us milk just went back down under the price of a gallon of gas (mainly b/c gas just went up in the last month)..about $2.39 /gal for milk. Formula has always been pricey. Soda, on the other hand is 79 cents for 2 liters.

 

The fruit juice I brought to church and tried to serve to them was the watered down kind.

 

Don't worry about it...fruit juice - watered down or 100% - is off the list these days. Empty calories plus tooth decay - they are better off with water and if they are truly thirsty they'll drink it.

 

I have tried the example thing, but they all just think I am weird. They don't look forward to eating at my house;) "Veggie burgers! broccoli! Apples ! Agh!"

 

 

 

I wouldn't eat a veggie burger either! No offense, but there are so many more tastier ways of combining bread and veggies. With kids though, a lot of it is the approach..some kids you'll never sell into taking a food adventure, but others will. Try peanut butter/honey dip with the fruit and veggies in a nonconfrontational manner..most hungry kids like this. The ones that aren't hungry and are dead set against veggies won't try. Anyone that's truly hungry will always take the alternate lunch of pbj or cheese sandwich.

 

 

I think I will buy some of those pack and go single serve formula for the baby if I can find out her kind. The Mom has a habit of breast feeding for about a week before giving up. I don't even think she tried with the last one. And she did not have trouble with it, just didn't like it-it was inconvenient.

 

She is pretty immature, but mostly because she has had enablers in the form of her parents/ parents-in-law. They started out with the first one taking over a lot of the childcare "because she is still young and hasn't gotten to fully enjoy her youth". So she and her husband take off to go fishing or to the "titty bar" every so often, leaving the kids with others. It is sad, I've seen them do this without hardly warning the kids, and watched them cry and holler, "Don't go!"

So she just keeps having kid after kid that she hardly bothers to take care of. She has been forced by the diabetes to spend more time with them. So I would say that has gotten better. I am glad. I am sad for the reason.

 

Lakota

 

Well, she's not having a kid all by herself and the idea that it's right to parent this way is probably modeled in both their family environments. There's nothing wrong with extended family caring for children - many cultures do this. There's not much you can do other than be a role model and a safe haven when necesssary, unless of course your dh has some influence over the dad and you can spare him to exercise his influence. Put downs won't help, but respect and friendly assistance will. Soon enough the little ones will be out fishing too. At least they'll know one way of getting food, which is better than none.

Edited December 1, 2009 by lgm

[swellmomma]

about $2.39 /gal for milk.

 

I have nothing to add for the Op but when I saw this I was surprised. Milk is SOO cheap there. A gallon of milk here is between $4-5 depending on where you shop. I would love milk to be only $2.39/gal it would mean we couldhave liquid milk more often and powdered much less.

[vettechmomof2]

That is part of what confuses me. That is what they say, but wouldn't they need less shots if they ate right, and isn't shooting them up with the insulin that much detrimental? I thought I had read that it is not the same as if your body was doing it, and either way, your body's tissues will be negatively affected by all that "indulge and cover" business (Just as it is when your body has to do this for you when you eat too many carbs).

 

Lakota

 

They would not need less shots of insulin.

Their body does not produce insulin anymore or very little of it if they still have any working beta cells left.

Your body still makes insulin at the proper times so you can eat whatever you want and have it covered by your own insulin. Where someone with type 1 needs the insulin injected into their body after eating ANY food with carbohydrates or having an elevated blood sugar.

You are treating insulin as an evil medication and it is NOT. It is life for someone with type 1.

Edited December 1, 2009 by vettechmomof2

[phathui5]

Do they not have a doctor?

 

I have found that doctors tend to give little, if any, nutritional counseling.

[Jenny in Atl]

They would not need less shots of insulin.

Their body does not produce insulin anymore or very little of it if they still have any working beta cells left.

Your body still makes insulin at the proper times so you can eat whatever you want and have it covered by your own insulin. Where someone with type 1 needs the insulin injected into their body after eating ANY food with carbohydrates or having an elevated blood sugar.

You are treating insulin as an evil medication and it is NOT. It is life for someone with type 1.

 

Many don't realize that there are carbs in everything but meat. So you would have to cover a well balanced meal the same as an unhealthy meal, depending on the carbs. It's just a shame, for example, that these kids are not getting fresh fruit vs. watered down juice (all sugar, no fiber or vits) or even worse some artificially sweetened goop.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Most doctors do not know a lot about nutrition but yet most of them will refer you to a nutritionist if you ask for it.

[Impish]

I've read through the replies, and I'm confused about a few things. Genuinely confused.

 

First, I thought (being Canadian, I've only heard of it though) WIC and food stamps could be used for special diets, such as diabetes?

 

Isn't not feeding these children properly, as needed for them to control their diabetes to the best ability possible = medical neglect? And if not, why not?

 

To me, it seems as though their mother is slowly poisoning them by what and how she's choosing to feed them.

[Mary in NJ]

but wouldn't they need less shots if they ate right, and isn't shooting them up with the insulin that much detrimental? Lakota

 

My daughter has type 1.

 

She will ALWAYS need insulin if she puts food in her mouth. No way around it. There is not a cure for type 1 diabetes. These kids will always need insulin for the rest of their life. If they don't get insulin, complications set in and they could die.

 

This is serious stuff.

 

We always choose wisely for our daughter's diet, but she still has to cover with insulin. Choosing nutritional foods is a wise idea, however, they will still need to use insulin.

 

Diabetes management is overwhelming. As parents, we are exhausted as we still get up through the night to test her blood sugar. Stress and sickness can make their blood sugar run high. The kids can run low if their pancreas decides it still has a little bit of life left in it and produces some insulin.

 

I agree with the other posters. Learn all you can about TYPE 1 DIABETES (type 2 is a whole other ball game), and give the parents a weekend off.

[vettechmomof2]

I've read through the replies, and I'm confused about a few things. Genuinely confused.

 

First, I thought (being Canadian, I've only heard of it though) WIC and food stamps could be used for special diets, such as diabetes?

 

Isn't not feeding these children properly, as needed for them to control their diabetes to the best ability possible = medical neglect? And if not, why not?

 

To me, it seems as though their mother is slowly poisoning them by what and how she's choosing to feed them.

 

I do not know what WIC or Food stamps cover as we have never used them BUT Type 1 Diabetes does NOT require a special diet of any sort. UNLESS that person would also have anothet type of autoimmune disease such as Celiac Disease. BUT again Type 1 Diabetes does NOT require a special type of diet in any sense.

 

As for these particular children being fed inadequetly, first I would ask where thie father is in all of this? Whiy is only the mother being questioned at this time? If the op has a good relationship with him then maybe discuss it with him but otherwise I do not think she can do much about it as things stand.

The children are under a doctor's care as she stated and we need to hope that the doctor is following the cases of these children the best he/she feels at this time.

 

Again though, I do know many people who prefer to deal with pre packaged foods when out and about instead of having to deal with fresh foods. I do not always have time to cut up an apple and weigh the carbs in it while driving so that my daughter can have a fresh fruit snack. Instead we will use Slim Jims, PB and J's that I make ahead of time and measure and saltines and granola bars. No real lunch boxes needed and less to carry around since we are already lugging syringes, pump suppies, glucagon, meters, strips, pokers, glucose tablets, bandaids, extra pump supplies and insulin around(and that is just in my daughters bag, not counting mine).

 

As for drinks, some doctor's recommend feeding juice to young Type 1's if you are going out to raise their blood sugar levels and bit so maybe it is sugared juice to keep them from dropping. Their is just too much info we do not have in this particular case. Too many unanswered and misunderstood things happening.

 

I am glad to hear that the mother has some time away because dealing with Type 1 is still a permanent stresser and doing it twice would be double the stress. It is wonderful to hear that her family is willing to help her out in that way.