Do you personally know a DH who became a better DH as a result of his DW's nagging?

[dragons in the flower bed]

I did not open that thread except to read to the end of the sentence, but until I did, and even now after, every time I read it, it finishes itself in my head as above. So. Do you?

 

(Disclaimer: I am not making fun of the thread. I am only making fun of the lack of a last word in the title. Which I know is not the OP's fault. There's a space limit.)

[kalanamak]

It really depends on what you mean by nagging...

[Nicole M]

It really depends on what you mean by nagging...

 

:blink:

 

:smilielol5:

[Impish]

Helps if I read before I vote. :tongue_smilie:

 

Nagging is heard in Charlie Brown's teacher's voice, "Wah wah wah, wah wah, wah wah..."

[Karenciavo]

I think love makes people better. I don't think nagging is loving behavior.

[lionfamily1999]

Helps if I read before I vote. :tongue_smilie:

 

Nagging is heard in Charlie Brown's teacher's voice, "Wah wah wah, wah wah, wah wah..."

 

You're speaking my language!:lol:

[LauraGB]

What kind of nagging are we talking about? If its the kind of nagging that goes like this:

 

"Would you mind picking up your clothes and putting them in the laundry? That'd be great. Thanks!"

 

and then...

 

"Would you please pick up your clothes? I'm washing today. Thanks!"

 

and then...

 

"Hey, I'm doing laundry today. All dirty clothes in the bags!"

 

and then...

 

"Seriously. If you want clean clothes for free, put them where they need to be."

 

and then...

 

"%^&$#@!!! Pick up your &^^%$$ clothes or I swear I'll start them on fire!"

 

That kind of nagging?

 

No. That doesn't work.

 

Or so I'm told.

[Sputterduck]

No, and I refuse to nag.

[Audrey]

I did not open that thread except to read to the end of the sentence, but until I did, and even now after, every time I read it, it finishes itself in my head as above. So. Do you?

 

(Disclaimer: I am not making fun of the thread. I am only making fun of the lack of a last word in the title. Which I know is not the OP's fault. There's a space limit.)

 

 

I wouldn't need to nag if he would just submit to my goddess-given authority. It's his own fault, really.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just kidding. I don't nag. I don't need to. He knows his place very well. ;)

[unsinkable]

What kind of nagging are we talking about? If its the kind of nagging that goes like this:

 

"Would you mind picking up your clothes and putting them in the laundry? That'd be great. Thanks!"

 

and then...

 

"Would you please pick up your clothes? I'm washing today. Thanks!"

 

and then...

 

"Hey, I'm doing laundry today. All dirty clothes in the bags!"

 

and then...

 

"Seriously. If you want clean clothes for free, put them where they need to be."

 

and then...

 

"%^&$#@!!! Pick up your &^^%$$ clothes or I swear I'll start them on fire!"

 

That kind of nagging?

 

No. That doesn't work.

 

Or so I'm told.

 

:lol:

[LauraGB]

I wouldn't need to nag if he would just submit to my goddess-given authority. It's his own fault, really.

 

 

 

 

:smilielol5::lol:

 

No. Kidding.

[Rosie_0801]

Sort of, yeah.

 

My dh appears to require me to repeat myself for months and months or even years on certain issues before he is able to fully appreciate how much I meant what I said the first time. Presumably if I only say it once, it isn't important enough to devote attention to. I'm not sure. I think there are some things I am never going to understand about that guy! Neither of us like this system but we haven't yet found one that works better. What do you do with a guy who tells you to nag him? Especially when he dislikes being nagged and doesn't want to listen? If I ever figure it out, I'll publish a book and make millions! We have actually made progress over the 7 years of our relationship, so I guess it has kind of worked.

 

Rosie

[Nicole M]

I wouldn't need to nag if he would just submit to my goddess-given authority. It's his own fault, really.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just kidding. I don't nag. I don't need to. He knows his place very well. ;)

 

I love this.

 

Actually, I think that this week, after nearly 20 years of marriage, I finally learned why women resort to nagging. We use words, we assume any sentient being can understand them and any rational being would respond to our polite requests without hesitation because we would do the same. However. I think that some men, my spouse included, simply do not hear our words. Don't. Hear. Them. We have the same conversations over and over, and it's not until I have a stink fit that anything changes. And during the stink fit, at some point, my poor dear husband will look at me aghast and and bewildered and ask some form of: "Why haven't you ever told me this before?" At which point, I want to run a knitting needle through my head.

 

Repeated requests can be nagging, true. But if they aren't hearing you at all, then perhaps it's better to either find a different hill to die on (or decide if X hill is truly the one you want to die on) OR find a way to ask the question that gets heard. Now that is the hard part. I wonder if it's even possible, since, after all, I've been at this a couple decades and am only just figuring out the hearing issue.

 

Oh, wait! Hearing aids, perhaps? A universal translator like they used to have on those old Star Treks?! Ooh. There are some entrepreneurial opportunities here, I can tell!

[Nicole M]

Sort of, yeah.

 

My dh appears to require me to repeat myself for months and months or even years on certain issues before he is able to fully appreciate how much I meant what I said the first time. Presumably if I only say it once, it isn't important enough to devote attention to. I'm not sure. I think there are some things I am never going to understand about that guy! Neither of us like this system but we haven't yet found one that works better. What do you do with a guy who tells you to nag him? Especially when he dislikes being nagged and doesn't want to listen? If I ever figure it out, I'll publish a book and make millions! We have actually made progress over the 7 years of our relationship, so I guess it has kind of worked.

 

Rosie

 

We are so thinking along the same lines, here, Rosie.... Great minds. Great minds.

[Peri]

I did not vote in either threads because I feel like there is nothing that you can do to make your spouse a better person. You can only make yourself a better person and hope that he follows your que. I do not agree with submission ... submission should be only to god ... and I do not agree with nagging because I think it is too much wasted energy. If I'm gonna nag my DH about a chore, by the time he gets started doing it, I would have been done already.

 

I do my part and that is all I can do.

[Peri]

We have the same conversations over and over, and it's not until I have a stink fit that anything changes. And during the stink fit, at some point, my poor dear husband will look at me aghast and and bewildered and ask some form of: "Why haven't you ever told me this before?" At which point, I want to run a knitting needle through my head.

 

 

 

:lol:

:lol:

:lol:

I almost fell out of my chair!!!

[Pajama Mama]

If I'm gonna nag my DH about a chore, by the time he gets started doing it, I would have been done already.

 

This applies to spouses AND children.

[Peri]

This applies to spouses AND children.

 

YEP!!!

[swimmermom3]

I wouldn't need to nag if he would just submit to my goddess-given authority. It's his own fault, really.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just kidding. I don't nag. I don't need to. He knows his place very well. ;)

 

:cheers2: Audrey, you really are a goddess. Best laugh I've had all day. Wait...I 'm not laughing at the part about you being a goddess. Heck, you know what I mean.

[swimmermom3]

I love this.

 

Actually, I think that this week, after nearly 20 years of marriage, I finally learned why women resort to nagging. We use words, we assume any sentient being can understand them and any rational being would respond to our polite requests without hesitation because we would do the same. However. I think that some men, my spouse included, simply do not hear our words. Don't. Hear. Them. We have the same conversations over and over, and it's not until I have a stink fit that anything changes. And during the stink fit, at some point, my poor dear husband will look at me aghast and and bewildered and ask some form of: "Why haven't you ever told me this before?" At which point, I want to run a knitting needle through my head.

 

Repeated requests can be nagging, true. But if they aren't hearing you at all, then perhaps it's better to either find a different hill to die on (or decide if X hill is truly the one you want to die on) OR find a way to ask the question that gets heard. Now that is the hard part. I wonder if it's even possible, since, after all, I've been at this a couple decades and am only just figuring out the hearing issue.

 

Oh, wait! Hearing aids, perhaps? A universal translator like they used to have on those old Star Treks?! Ooh. There are some entrepreneurial opportunities here, I can tell!

 

BAMMM! Sound of head thumping on desk...chair shaking...THWAK...child smacking choking adult on the back...thud-thud-thud-thud...cat fleeing in fear at obvious signs of insanity.

 

Powell's. January. Be there. No knitting needles allowed.

 

No, nagging doesn't work. However, occasionally being as deaf as your spouse appears to be can have amazing results. "Did you ask me to pick up your suit that you need for the client meeting tomorrow?" "I must not have heard you." I tell you, it's a miracle cure. At least temporarily.

[Nicole M]

BAMMM! Sound of head thumping on desk...chair shaking...THWAK...child smacking choking adult on the back...thud-thud-thud-thud...cat fleeing in fear at obvious signs of insanity.

 

Powell's. January. Be there. No knitting needles allowed.

 

No, nagging doesn't work. However, occasionally being as deaf as your spouse appears to be can have amazing results. "Did you ask me to pick up your suit that you need for the client meeting tomorrow?" "I must not have heard you." I tell you, it's a miracle cure. At least temporarily.

 

:heavy sigh:

 

It's a relief to know that someone gets me.

 

Powells: yes ma'am! I'll be there. No knitting needles. Crochet hook okay?

 

I like your idea of being deaf. The wheels in my little pea brain are turning. Of course, my husband doesn't wear a suit. So I will have to be clever. Thinking, thinking....

[Scarlett]

What kind of nagging are we talking about? If its the kind of nagging that goes like this:

 

"Would you mind picking up your clothes and putting them in the laundry? That'd be great. Thanks!"

 

and then...

 

"Would you please pick up your clothes? I'm washing today. Thanks!"

 

and then...

 

"Hey, I'm doing laundry today. All dirty clothes in the bags!"

 

and then...

 

"Seriously. If you want clean clothes for free, put them where they need to be."

 

and then...

 

"%^&$#@!!! Pick up your &^^%$$ clothes or I swear I'll start them on fire!"

 

That kind of nagging?

 

No. That doesn't work.

 

Or so I'm told.

 

LOL

[kalanamak]

I

 

Oh, wait! Hearing aids, perhaps? A universal translator like they used to have on those old Star Treks?! Ooh. There are some entrepreneurial opportunities here, I can tell!

 

Shock collar.

 

Well, I'm betting I have one up on you. Hubby is rather hard of hearing, reads on a 3rd grade level, and has such dyslexia he mixes up instructions like right/left and yes/no. You should read the amusing letter I wrote to get him out of jury duty. His eyes got bigger and bigger.

 

Plus he is a thick-skinned He Man, and I (who love to play the game "what would I put on so and so's tombstone) have crowned him with the phrase "I barely felt a thing". As in can walk through a room, and step on and break two items a Great Dane would have gone around. As in tore his quad skateboarding and limped for two days a little despite the alarming ecchymosis up and down his leg, and a lump of unanchored muscle bunched in his groin. As in shot himself through the leg and nearly bled to death riding into a chain gate on a motorcycle (both incidents while sober, I might add).

 

A hundred years ago he'd have been Pa Ingalls, but now he's lost in the modern world and needs a good skunk-killin', possum-skinnin', Man Handler to get him on the right track. I have grown to have pity for his xw, an advocate of "submissive wifery", and imagine her, face buried in the pillow, a wad of loft tight between her molars, muttering "oh sod it all" night after night.

Edited November 22, 2009 by kalanamak

[Nicole M]

Shock collar.

 

Well, I'm betting I have one up on you. Hubby is rather hard of hearing, reads on a 3rd grade level, and has such dyslexia he mixes up instructions like right/left and yes/no. You should read the amusing letter I wrote to get him out of jury duty. His eyes got bigger and bigger.

 

Plus he is a thick-skinned He Man, and I (who love to play the game "what would I put on so and so's tombstone) have crowned him with the phrase "I barely felt a thing". As in can walk through a room, and step on and break two items a Great Dane would have gone around. As in tore his quad skateboarding and limped for two days a little despite the alarming ecchymosis up and down his leg. As in shot himself through the leg and nearly bled to death riding into a chain gate on a motorcycle (both incidents while sober, I might add).

 

A hundred years ago he'd have been Pa Ingalls, but now his lost in the modern world and needs a good skunk-killin', possum-skinnin', Man Handler to get him on the right track. I have grown to have pity for his xw, an advocate of "submissive wifery", and imagine her, face buried in the pillow, a wad of loft tight between her molars, muttering "oh sod it all" night after night.

 

See, now, people reading this are chuckling, wondering how brilliant you got hitched up with this feller, and they do not have the benefit of having met the man, as I have.

 

Ladies, I am here to tell you, Kalanamak's husband is a hottie!

[justamouse]

I am laughing so hard at all of these brilliant answers. :lol:

[kalanamak]

 

Ladies, I am here to tell you, Kalanamak's husband is a hottie!

 

 

Certainly better looking than Pa Ingalls. Deep-set blue eye, etc.

I do wish he played the violin instead of the accordian.

 

I believe you were there for his comment on what kind of wine he likes: "the kind that tastes like fruit". Sums it up.

[sheryl]

I think love makes people better. I don't think nagging is loving behavior.

 

Good Karen!

:iagree:

[swimmermom3]

I am laughing so hard at all of these brilliant answers. :lol:

 

Brilliant? Umm. You more likely hearing the sounds of hinges coming undone, screws loosening. Early on in my relationship with my dh, I sat across from him one evening admiring his s**y profile and the oh so alluring pensive expression on his face. I then made the fatal mistake of asking him what he was thinking. "Absolutely nothing," was his response. I now know that he means it. The man wasn't even slick enough to say, "About you, Beautiful." How can you really nag someone in that pitiful condition. On second thought, I sometimes think it makes his life much easier than mine.:tongue_smilie:

Edited November 22, 2009 by swimmermom3
I can't believe I forgot the asterisks.

[Karen in CO]

Nagging doesn't work, but s*xy voice does.

 

I can say the same thing using that come-hither voice and the husband will snap to attention. It doesn't get him to stop putting his clothes RIGHT next to the laundry hamper where he saves them in case he wants to wear them again before I do laundry. But it does get him to take out the trash, walk the dog, brush the kids' teeth, or bring me a bowl of ice cream. :D

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I wouldn't need to nag if he would just submit to my goddess-given authority. It's his own fault, really.

 

 

Just kidding. I don't nag. I don't need to. He knows his place very well. ;)

 

:lol::lol:

[Lovedtodeath]

I am the spouse that gets nagged. My DH is the nagger. It makes me feel disrespected and unloved and makes me angry. I am doing the best I can. I am not stupid and don't need him to tell me what to do. I don't need him to "motivate" me. I do what I can when I can. His nagging cannot make me miraculously have more compliant kids, more energy, more time... etc.

[Lovedtodeath]

I love this.

 

Actually, I think that this week, after nearly 20 years of marriage, I finally learned why women resort to nagging. We use words, we assume any sentient being can understand them and any rational being would respond to our polite requests without hesitation because we would do the same. However. I think that some men, my spouse included, simply do not hear our words. Don't. Hear. Them. We have the same conversations over and over, and it's not until I have a stink fit that anything changes. And during the stink fit, at some point, my poor dear husband will look at me aghast and and bewildered and ask some form of: "Why haven't you ever told me this before?" At which point, I want to run a knitting needle through my head.

 

Repeated requests can be nagging, true. But if they aren't hearing you at all,

:iagree::iagree::iagree:On the rare ocassion that I am being accused of nagging it is because I am repeating a reasonable request or question that has been completely ignored.

[lionfamily1999]

I am the spouse that gets nagged. My DH is the nagger. It makes me feel disrespected and unloved and makes me angry. I am doing the best I can. I am not stupid and don't need him to tell me what to do. I don't need him to "motivate" me. I do what I can when I can. His nagging cannot make me miraculously have more compliant kids, more energy, more time... etc.

Same page. Dh nags the kids :glare:, because THAT is helpful! Half the time I want to tell them not to do it until Dad learns to ask nicely.......

 

He'll joke about me being a nag, but when the kids start it up we all know where they get it from.

[coffeefreak]

I did not open that thread except to read to the end of the sentence, but until I did, and even now after, every time I read it, it finishes itself in my head as above. So. Do you?

 

(Disclaimer: I am not making fun of the thread. I am only making fun of the lack of a last word in the title. Which I know is not the OP's fault. There's a space limit.)

 

:lol:

[coffeefreak]

I wouldn't need to nag if he would just submit to my goddess-given authority. It's his own fault, really.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just kidding. I don't nag. I don't need to. He knows his place very well. ;)

 

:lol:

[Rosie_0801]

Actually, I think that this week, after nearly 20 years of marriage [...] We have the same conversations over and over, and it's not until I have a stink fit that anything changes.

 

20 years? I'm going to have to keep doing this for 20 years? Oh man. It's just the same here, nothing gets done until I throw a tanty and I find that very exhausting. I've asked if I can throw the tantrum to begin with, to save time, but he prefers months of nagging first. Men are such hard work, and I can't even use the "goddess given right" thing on dh because he knows I don't believe in one! Anyway, dh is half deaf, and there are advantages to that. I know he isn't pretending not to hear me. He really hasn't! I also have problems because he is so good natured. He hears me talk, doesn't actually hear what I say, and agrees anyway. It's not until later I figure out that he didn't know what he was agreeing to. See, I think the system would work better if he was a big meanie. If he said "NO!" to everything, I would have to stop long enough to try and pursuade him. Instead he says "Ok!" I say "Thanks, Dude!" and wander off. Great. I have a husband who tells me to nag him and he has a wife who wants him to be meaner to her. What is this? I think we've both got problems!

 

:)

Rosie

[Scarlett]

20 years? I'm going to have to keep doing this for 20 years? Oh man. It's just the same here, nothing gets done until I throw a tanty and I find that very exhausting. I've asked if I can throw the tantrum to begin with, to save time, but he prefers months of nagging first. Men are such hard work, and I can't even use the "goddess given right" thing on dh because he knows I don't believe in one! Anyway, dh is half deaf, and there are advantages to that. I know he isn't pretending not to hear me. He really hasn't! I also have problems because he is so good natured. He hears me talk, doesn't actually hear what I say, and agrees anyway. It's not until later I figure out that he didn't know what he was agreeing to. See, I think the system would work better if he was a big meanie. If he said "NO!" to everything, I would have to stop long enough to try and pursuade him. Instead he says "Ok!" I say "Thanks, Dude!" and wander off. Great. I have a husband who tells me to nag him and he has a wife who wants him to be meaner to her. What is this? I think we've both got problems!

 

:)

Rosie

 

 

 

You two are hilarious! Love it!

[unsinkable]

20 years? I'm going to have to keep doing this for 20 years? Oh man. It's just the same here, nothing gets done until I throw a tanty and I find that very exhausting. I've asked if I can throw the tantrum to begin with, to save time, but he prefers months of nagging first. Men are such hard work, and I can't even use the "goddess given right" thing on dh because he knows I don't believe in one! Anyway, dh is half deaf, and there are advantages to that. I know he isn't pretending not to hear me. He really hasn't! I also have problems because he is so good natured. He hears me talk, doesn't actually hear what I say, and agrees anyway. It's not until later I figure out that he didn't know what he was agreeing to. See, I think the system would work better if he was a big meanie. If he said "NO!" to everything, I would have to stop long enough to try and pursuade him. Instead he says "Ok!" I say "Thanks, Dude!" and wander off. Great. I have a husband who tells me to nag him and he has a wife who wants him to be meaner to her. What is this? I think we've both got problems!

 

:)

Rosie

 

This is kinda tangential and kinda on point:

 

My DH has a friend who is deaf in one ear. DH can always remember which ear it is and to sit on the hearing side.

 

So I KNOW he has the capability to remember things. Just not what I want. :tongue_smilie:

[dirty ethel rackham]

Nagging doesn't work, but s*xy voice does.

 

 

 

Gee, I wish that worked in my house! The only time I can use that voice is in the bedroom, with the door closed and the kids in bed. Otherwise, it's "Not in front of the children!!"

 

I find that polite asking works pretty well for that one time. It doesn't change habits, but it gets that one task done that one time. I just have to repeat it all the time:). But, hey, it is the same with my kids:).

[Tree House Academy]

LOL - no. Nagging in my marriage makes both of us cranky and upset.

[Murphy101]

I vote for sexy voice method!

Apparently the sound frequency of my sexy voice can penetrate walls in this house when otherwise yelling right in front of him can't penetrate his skull.

Of course there is a secondary effect as well...

 

9 kids.

 

Isn't it amazing what a woman will do to get her man to listen to her?;):D

 

Lmbo! Dh is reading over my shoulder. Says no, no that's not how it is. That's just his plan to keep me too busy to nag him. A man has to do what a man has to do you know. LOL

Edited November 22, 2009 by Martha
Itty iPhone buttons

[dragons in the flower bed]

Presumably if I only say it once, it isn't important enough to devote attention to.

 

My partner is like this, too, with appointments. He told me to tell him as soon as I know, two weeks before, a week before, four days before, two days before, the day before, and that day.

 

I'm pretty forgetful and flaky, too. We all are absent-minded in this house. So we don't have nagging. We have reminding. Because we all need it, no one ever holds it against the reminder. In fact we usually respond, "Oh! Thank god you reminded me." At the very least we all know that thanking the person who reminded you for reminding you prevents them from being mad that you didn't get it the first time. The majority of people mad at us in the real world are annoyed because we missed something we should have gotten the first time. Home is a haven against that.

[dragons in the flower bed]

and I do not agree with nagging because I think it is too much wasted energy. If I'm gonna nag my DH about a chore, by the time he gets started doing it, I would have been done already.

 

I do my part and that is all I can do.

 

Peri, I'm not sure there isn't anything you can do to make someone a better person. Inspiration is a big gray area. But I would feel pretty icky if someone set out to make me a better person, and I wouldn't do that to anyone else.

 

I also figure it's better to do it myself, or employ another strategy that doesn't involve him, than try to get my partner to do it. A silent no is still a no.

[jld]

Whatever it takes, you know.

 

But seriously, my strictness and his relaxed nature are a pretty good balance. We genuinely love and respect one another.

[kalanamak]

Peri, I'm not sure there isn't anything you can do to make someone a better person.

 

I thought the question was "a better husband". A better person, forget it. Some rough corners smoothed off so you can limp into old age together? That is my goal.

 

(I have informed my husband that I will not spend my retirement picking up after him. As of now, he has 14 more years to figure out how to declutter and wash his sheets on a weekly basis. Since it took 5 years to get him to stop ruining laundry, I'm obviously in this for the long run. He is about to get his gold star for the sheets: nearly weekly for 6 months.

 

If he cannot keep used plates, matching mounds of clean and dirty clothes, and sharp power tools off his floor for at least overnight, we may not divorce, but I will not live with him, come retirement. If I have to spend an extra 10 hours a day in my house, it will simply have to be cleaner, or I'll spend my twilight years in the slammer for murder. Just living with the smell of dead mice in the walls because he leaves his dinner dishes on the floor of his den night after night is cause alone.

I jest, but I have made it clear there are limits to my fidelity. I neither care to stoop to these depths, nor, without whiskey, am I able. In reflective moments, he even agrees with me, but when the sink if full of dishes, he doesn't. Sigh.

His last wife didn't nag, barely spoke, I think, but dumped him. Would he prefer a life-coach with her hands on her hips or a divorce? The former, and we have discussed it.)

 

Addendum: ARRRRGGGGG! He *just* put in my whites with a deep dark blue set of sheets! I didn't raise my voice one bit, but or anything beyond explain, yet again, about bleeding (after he asked "why" I cared). However, the gold star is on hold. :)

Edited November 22, 2009 by kalanamak

[Danestress]

to belittle women who are asking for legitimate change. So I am not sure how to answer this. If you are asking whether I know men who are better men because their wives expect them to be good men and good fathers and to hold up certain responsibilities around the house, then I do.

 

I think that if marriage doesn't make you a better person, you have a sad marriage. Sometimes we become those better people just through experiencing love and affection, fun and adventure. Other times, we challenge each other to do better, do more, or change negatives. I suppose you could call that nagging.

 

If my DH didn't nag me about staying up too late and never exercising, I would stay up even later and exercise less. If I didn't nag DH about watching his spending, we wouldn't have any money. If either of us were super sensitive and couldn't stand hearing, "If we spend that, will we have enough for Christmas gifts?" or "Maybe you should go to bed now and then workout in the morning before the kids get up" then I suppose we would have to talk about that. But I sort of like being challenged. If there is something I am simply not willing to change, I can make that clear. If I don't want to work out, I can say so. I have figured out over time what DH is not willing to change and all of it is stuff I can live with. But overall, I think we are really comfortable together and better people because we love each other and listen to each other and have an ease in saying "can we change this?" to each other.

[freetobeme]

if i ask twice, i am nagging.

go figure.

[Nicole M]

I think we sometimes use the word "nagging" as a weapon to belittle women who are asking for legitimate change.

 

 

Yes! This is part of what I was trying to get at.

[amy g.]

I don't think I nag, but I do talk a lot. I've always heard that when you need to really get their attention, you need to change your pattern, and do the opposite of what they expect.

 

When I REALLY need Dh or the kids to listen to me. I stop talking. That really scares them. They start racking their brains, thinking, "What has she been asking me to do? Think! Think! Think!"

 

My son made me mad last month, and I wouldn't talk to him until we resolved it. He kept saying after wards, "I really admire your ability to hold a grudge for three days." My Dh told him, "Son, her talking to you after 3 days might just be proof that you are her favorite person on earth. You never want to find out how long your mother can hold a real grudge."

 

The last time my husband ignored me when I said something was important to me, I dropped it for a few weeks to see if he would bring it up. He didn't so one day, I emailed him and said, "Sweetheart, I've been doing a little research on what child support for 5 children might look like." He wrote back saying that he would be home and be sure to get it done that night, which he did.

[swimmermom3]

to belittle women who are asking for legitimate change. So I am not sure how to answer this. If you are asking whether I know men who are better men because their wives expect them to be good men and good fathers and to hold up certain responsibilities around the house, then I do.

 

I think that if marriage doesn't make you a better person, you have a sad marriage. Sometimes we become those better people just through experiencing love and affection, fun and adventure. Other times, we challenge each other to do better, do more, or change negatives. I suppose you could call that nagging.

 

If my DH didn't nag me about staying up too late and never exercising, I would stay up even later and exercise less. If I didn't nag DH about watching his spending, we wouldn't have any money. If either of us were super sensitive and couldn't stand hearing, "If we spend that, will we have enough for Christmas gifts?" or "Maybe you should go to bed now and then workout in the morning before the kids get up" then I suppose we would have to talk about that. But I sort of like being challenged. If there is something I am simply not willing to change, I can make that clear. If I don't want to work out, I can say so. I have figured out over time what DH is not willing to change and all of it is stuff I can live with. But overall, I think we are really comfortable together and better people because we love each other and listen to each other and have an ease in saying "can we change this?" to each other.

 

:iagree:Thanks, Danestress! This is how it works in our house. We learned through the years that if there is genuine nagging happening on either side it's because the issue is something the other person really doesn't want to deal with. A quick conversation reveals something like,"Yes, I usually deal with insurance claims but this one is sticky, requires numerous calls, and my manager in Chicago gave his two notice." Well, why didn't you say so. Then, usually we split up the odious or fearful task and it gets done. Or we swap odious and fearful tasks for a change of scenery.