New wrinkle on getting grilled about hsing--responding to those who know "slackers"

[WTMCassandra]

We have had several dinners with older people in our church (like small dinner parties), and at least twice I have been fairly closely grilled about homeschooling--don't homeschoolers need more accountability, don't they need to be certified, etc.

 

They all insist (and I think it's honestly) that they know I take it seriously and my children are getting a great education. They love my children. It's those "other people." Sigh.

 

I've talked about how emphases on teacher certification haven't helped the public schools improve in their quality, so I don't see how it would fix the problem of "slacker" homeschoolers. I've talked about how certification is heavily dependent on evaluating how a teacher handles a crowd of kids (so is not really applicable to hsing). I've talked about how there are no certification standards for tutoring, and how homeschooling looks a lot more like that than public school. I've talked about the problem of what to do when a freedom means people have the freedom to abuse the freedom ; ), does that mean everyone should have the freedom taken away? I've talked about how the proof is in the pudding--look at homeschooler test scores--and if one really thinks homeschoolers need more accountability, that requiring testing makes more sense than some kind of certification. I've talked about the media bias against homeschooling, creating a myth that there are a ton of slacker/criminal homeschoolers.

 

I'm getting a little weary of dealing with it. I've talked until I'm blue in the face, and it doesn't seem to make a whit of difference. I asked a couple of them recently if they were thinking of someone in particular or whether they had just "heard things."

 

Well, one lady says she is concerned about an extended relative. The child is eight and couldn't read the birthday cards she got, and this lady gets the feeling that the mother doesn't take homeschooling seriously. I asked if there are learning difficulties involved, and she doesn't think so.

 

So, I get that she is worried. And I get that both she and I don't know the whole story--perhaps the child is a late reader or has learning difficulties that the family keeps private. A lot of things could be going on, and I expressed that.

 

I am also realizing that this "concern" is probably not going to go away, although I'm really getting tired at having to advocate for homeschooling when I simply would like to enjoy a nice dinner. She is a nice person and genuinely concerned, and I don't want to dismiss her or tell her off or be snarky.

 

***Does anyone have suggestions on how to relate to a person who knows a "slacker" homeschooler and is thus concerned about homeschooling in general?*** (For now, let's assume the person really is a slacker for the sake of argument.)

 

This has cropped up in my life several times since I moved to this state, and I always find myself sort of tongue-tied. A good friend of ours does horse lessons for kids (even hsed her own children for some years) and says that she has seen some serious slackers over the years and it bothers her.

 

So I think I should think through how to handle it. Up until now, I have expressed sympathy, but it feels so . . . lame and inadequate.

[Impish]

"Just as with anything, there will be those that don't hold themselves accountable to as high a standard as they ought to. We don't disband public schools for a bad teacher or two, we don't ban driving because of the drivers that drive drunk, we don't revert to Prohibition to get rid of those who abuse spouses while under the influence, we don't hand out enforcements to every married couple, hold them under scrutiny because of those that abuse their spouses, children, or marital covenants."

 

I'd go along those lines.

[Happy]

Hmmm....I think at this point with the friend with a relative homeschooling, when she brings it up again, I'd ask if she has talked to the parents about her concerns. She seems to be stewing, not actually concerned enough to act.

 

I have a friend who was always 'stewing' about possible homeschooling. Finally after considerable effort on my part I realize all she wanted to do was TALK about the subject. I've found this to be true about other subjects as well...church, friendships, job problems.

 

I'm also not sure that a little snark may not be in order at some point. ;)

[Stacy in NJ]

Honestly, I don't think you need to explain or defending homeschooling or slakers. When someone says they know a slaker, just say, "Really? I'm sorry to hear that. We take our responsibilites seriously." Period. It's like discussing politics; you can make your arguments articulately and sympathetically, but some folks are just going to disagree. Older folks still find the idea of homeschooling so weird; it was simply not done 40 or 50 years ago. The Horace Mann propoganda was soooo effective, folks of that generation were convinced they needed to hand their kiddos over to the "experts". Just accept that some of them aren't going to really accept homeschooling. For those with family members they're concerned about, the best you can do is listen sympathetically and be nonjudgemental.

[WTMCassandra]

Hmmm....I think at this point with the friend with a relative homeschooling, when she brings it up again, I'd ask if she has talked to the parents about her concerns. She seems to be stewing, not actually concerned enough to act.

 

I have a friend who was always 'stewing' about possible homeschooling. Finally after considerable effort on my part I realize all she wanted to do was TALK about the subject. I've found this to be true about other subjects as well...church, friendships, job problems.

 

I'm also not sure that a little snark may not be in order at some point. ;)

 

This is a good point. I will ask her next time if she has talked to the parents about her concerns.

 

I'd really, really like to avoid snark, for many reasons. Short version: honestly, I don't think this lady deserves it. She really cares.

[sparrow]

I'm getting a little weary of dealing with it. I've talked until I'm blue in the face, and it doesn't seem to make a whit of difference.

 

That is because it doesn't, and won't, make a difference what you say. They have formed an opinion about homeschooling based on "the slackers". It really isn't necessary for you to change their minds. I have politely ended conversations regarding homeschooling, and any other "crazy" choices dh and I have made by simply saying something like this: "Yes, I understand what you're saying. It is a shame not everyone takes their child's education seriously. We do and it is what works for our family. More baked beans?"

[Ellie]

Honestly, I don't think you need to explain or defending homeschooling or slakers. When someone says they know a slaker, just say, "Really? I'm sorry to hear that. We take our responsibilites seriously." Period.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

 

Sometimes it's like getting in the pigpen and wrestling with pigs: the pig enjoys it and you get dirty.

 

Those people already have their minds made up. Nothing you say will make a difference. They have only hearsay "evidence." Don't encourage them.

[WTMCassandra]

"Really? I'm sorry to hear that. We take our responsibilites seriously." Period. . . . For those with family members they're concerned about, the best you can do is listen sympathetically and be nonjudgemental.

 

OK, maybe I need to just hear that saying simply that is really OK. I'm overcoming a perfectionistic, people-pleaser, co-dependent phase. :lol:

 

I guess I really want her to think positively of homeschooling. And I want to be a good homeschool example or whatever.

 

And I have listened sympathetically and nonjudgmentally. But again, it felt lame and inadequate. Perhaps I need to practice emotional distance. :lol:

 

I guess I want to fix it. :lol: Not to mention make it go away, not to be a topic of conversation anymore! :lol:

[WTMCassandra]

"Yes, I understand what you're saying. It is a shame not everyone takes their child's education seriously. We do and it is what works for our family. More baked beans?"

 

This is good! Thanks. I think I'm "owning" the problem of the slackers too much, wanting to work on homeschooling's image in the eyes of others.

[Jean in Newcastle]

But this isn't an issue of slackers per se. This is an issue of one relative's concern for a 8 year old relative. And I would address it as such. Because honestly, I could point to many children who are slacking their way through the public and private school system. I've had parents tell me "Johnny refuses to study. So what can you do?" as they throw their hands up in defeat. So, I guess I would direct her to get involved in this little girl's life if she is close enough to do so. Be a reading partner with her. Send her little cute note cards to read. The thing is, at 8, it could be a learning disability or it could just be a developmental thing where all of a sudden her reading will take off.

[elegantlion]

But this isn't an issue of slackers per se. This is an issue of one relative's concern for a 8 year old relative. And I would address it as such. Because honestly, I could point to many children who are slacking their way through the public and private school system. I've had parents tell me "Johnny refuses to study. So what can you do?" as they throw their hands up in defeat. So, I guess I would direct her to get involved in this little girl's life if she is close enough to do so. Be a reading partner with her. Send her little cute note cards to read. The thing is, at 8, it could be a learning disability or it could just be a developmental thing where all of a sudden her reading will take off.

 

:iagree:My ds was not a good reader at 8, he has mild dyslexia. At that point we weren't discussing it with family. Also many cards are written with quirky fonts and are hard to read for young children. Also some kids just don't like to be put on the spot to perform in front of relatives, I'm assuming that this child was asked to read in front of this relative.

 

Fortunately my ds was never put on the spot. If he had been I can see how some might have perceived my teaching to be slacking, if they didn't know the whole story.

[Tap]

When I get odd comments from people about the 'slacker' the 'weird homeschool kids who can't carry on a conversation' or the isolate kids. I remind people that there are the same kids in public school. There is always the slacker, the weird, and the isolated.

 

I point out that it really doesn't matter if a child is an early reader or a late reader and that some people feel that there are other things a kid can spend time doing, that can offer a great education. Doing projects, playing outdoors, caring for people/animals, and experiencing life. The Unschoolers among us, are often quiet because even other homeschoolers, chastise them. There are many ways children learn, and being regulated by a public school textbook makes some sense for a classroom of 20+ but it isn't the only way to teach an individual, where you can customize their learning. I usually point out that many geniuses are late speakers, readers and writers....not because they haven't been taught, just that their brains were busy learning something else.

 

I also point out that even the best teacher can't change the basic personality of a student, and that sometimes when a parent sees a child's uniqueness, the homeschool them so they won't get tortured in school, making the kid withdraw more.

 

While some families choose a life that favors isolation, we see it as unusual now, but it is all in perspective. Many people have favored living on farms, ranches and in the mountains...For.ev.er. As long as people have a common reason for wanting to live more quiet lives, people are okay with it. Anything out of their rational or comfort zone, and they think people are radicals.

 

I am not rude or snarky, just matter of fact. I try hard to remind people that homeschooling is just one part of the day, and that otherwise homeschoool families are just like everyone else. Our kids play outside with friends, they take classes, play sports and are generally... are just like other kids. They just don't sit in a classroom all day.

[WTMCassandra]

So, I guess I would direct her to get involved in this little girl's life if she is close enough to do so. Be a reading partner with her. Send her little cute note cards to read.

 

This is a good idea! I could see her being willing to put the time into this. This goes really well with the suggestion that she talk to the parent directly about her concern--she could then ask how she could help and offer things like this.

[Tangerine]

Also many cards are written with quirky fonts and are hard to read for young children.

 

I noticed this very thing today at the bookstore. My DD couldn't read book titles that were in fancy fonts.

[Bess]

If I get the feeling that someone isn't for homeschooling, I don't feel the need to educate them or defend homeschooling. It's not worth my energy. I remain extremely vague and change the subject.

[OHGrandma]

This is a good idea! I could see her being willing to put the time into this. This goes really well with the suggestion that she talk to the parent directly about her concern--she could then ask how she could help and offer things like this.

 

It could be she's fishing for ways to help her relative, and she knows you are a successful hs'er. Good luck to you, and her!

[Joanne]

Since you have fond feelings towards these people, don't want to snark and they aren't being critical of *you*, I'd say:

 

"You know, I really don't represent all homeschoolers or have all the answers. Let's talk about something else".

[Crissy]

I noticed this very thing today at the bookstore. My DD couldn't read book titles that were in fancy fonts.

 

My older son was a very early reader, but he couldn't read cursive writing until he was at least 10 or 11 years old.

 

I am quite sure people would have thought we had reading issues if they judged by the fact that for many years I had to read letters and cards from my mother and grandmother to my boys.

[HRAAB]

I wonder how many public schooled children couldn't read an entire birthday card at that age. Eight years old could be 2nd to 3rd grade. Words on a birthday card can vary greatly - nothing like the readers they might be using. I hope your friend has something else upon which she is basing her opinion that they're slackers.

 

In the 14 years I've been homeschooling, I have met two families that I would call 'slackers'. Many had different educational philosophies, but those families that I've followed over the years have still been very successful. Perhaps you could point out to your friends that she is making some huge assumptions about homeschoolers based on one child that couldn't read a birthday card.

 

Janet

[WTMCassandra]

Since you have fond feelings towards these people, don't want to snark and they aren't being critical of *you*, I'd say:

 

"You know, I really don't represent all homeschoolers or have all the answers. Let's talk about something else".

 

As usual, you are a dose of good common sense. Thank you. I might try suggesting one time that they see if they can come alongside this family, but after that, I think your answer is perfect.

[kalanamak]

 

I guess I want to fix it. :lol: Not to mention make it go away, not to be a topic of conversation anymore! :lol:

 

Is it possible this woman is a bad conversationalist and finds this either 1) a topic she thinks you are interested in or 2) is, as my mother says, A One-Note Charlie?

Edited September 21, 2009 by kalanamak

[Ellie]

But this isn't an issue of slackers per se. This is an issue of one relative's concern for a 8 year old relative. And I would address it as such. Because honestly, I could point to many children who are slacking their way through the public and private school system. I've had parents tell me "Johnny refuses to study. So what can you do?" as they throw their hands up in defeat. So, I guess I would direct her to get involved in this little girl's life if she is close enough to do so. Be a reading partner with her. Send her little cute note cards to read. The thing is, at 8, it could be a learning disability or it could just be a developmental thing where all of a sudden her reading will take off.

But here's what the relative said: "The child is eight and couldn't read the birthday cards she got, and this lady gets the feeling that the mother doesn't take homeschooling seriously. I asked if there are learning difficulties involved, and she doesn't think so. "

 

When someone "gets a feeling," that tells me that she doesn't really have close, personal knowledge of the situation. *We* don't really know what the mother thinks, or what her homeschooling philosophy is, or anything else. Many of us had dc who read later than "normal," and it wasn't because we didn't "take homeschooling seriously."

 

My replies to the relative would be very noncommital, and I'd change the subject as soon as I could.

[WTMCassandra]

Is it possible this woman is a bad conversationalist and finds this either 1) a topic she thinks you are interested in or 2) is, as my mother says, I One-Note Charlie?

 

Hmmm, not quite either one. I think she thinks "homeschooler" when she sees me and the thought connects with her ongoing concern about this other person. She actually is a very wonderful person. :)

[WTMCassandra]

When someone "gets a feeling," that tells me that she doesn't really have close, personal knowledge of the situation. *We* don't really know what the mother thinks, or what her homeschooling philosophy is, or anything else. Many of us had dc who read later than "normal," and it wasn't because we didn't "take homeschooling seriously."

 

From the context of the conversation, her "I get the feeling" remark seemed to be based on a series of small things she couldn't quite put her finger on or articulate.

 

She contrasted what she sees and hears in our home with this other home, and she concludes that she is not sure the mother takes schooling seriously. (Which might make this worse, because we all know that I am not a homeschooling standard at large. :lol: People could conduct their schools waaaay different, of course, and be wildly successful.)

 

But yes, I am aware that perhaps she just doesn't know enough about what's REALLY going on in that home. And to her credit, she doesn't want to jump to conclusions. But she is concerned.

[WTMCassandra]

These are very good points, Crissy and Ishki. Thank you!

[melissel]

Since you have fond feelings towards these people, don't want to snark and they aren't being critical of *you*, I'd say:

 

"You know, I really don't represent all homeschoolers or have all the answers. Let's talk about something else".

 

This is good advice. I think I'd have to tell people who ask, and this woman as well, that every homeschooling family is so different, and there are so many different styles and methods, that I couldn't possibly comment on how other families do it. I just know that what we do works for our family.

 

I do agree that you should tell her that if she's concerned, she should discuss it with the mom, but she should be prepared for the mom to tell her that she has everything under control. I can only imagine how I'd feel if one of my relatives popped by to tell me she was concerned about how my HSing was going, especially if I was struggling with something like that!

[Dirtroad]

Do you even want to ask people what they are doing about the slackers in the public schools... teachers, parents and kids there also? What sort of action are they taking to help here... perhaps that same action can be used for homeschoolers.

 

Of course, I doubt they have a single answer. It might end the conversation.

 

I am very blunt & have grown very impatient with these judgemental self-righteous people. IT is a judgement on you... just masked with the "other family"... it is a negative view of homeschooling designed to flatter you & then attack.

 

Beware of flatterers!;)

[PineFarmMom]

I have a couple of family member teachers who mention this to me on occasion. My sil is a high school English teacher and has said she sees how great what we are doing but that the bulk of homeschoolers are not doing a good job because they wind up in her school under-educated. When she talks to me about it, she's quite clear of how highly she thinks of what we are doing. I've made the point to her that I really just don't know many of the kinds of homeschoolers she's talking about. She's a smart, encouraging type person and doesn't harp on it.

 

For you, though, I'd think coming up with a simple, kind, firm one-liner that just shut the conversation down would be your best bet. I mean, you've obviously discussed the thing to its end and no progress is being made in the conversation, so letting them know in a kind way that you're done with it would be best.

[Tammyla]

:iagree: And will add one question. Just what do they hope to accomplish by repeatedly coming to you with their genuine concerns?

 

Imo, it's a backhanded insult to you and your family. While I would want to take their questions with as much grace as I could muster on the spot, it would get old real fast. You are sweet to want to discuss and keep everyone happy.:001_smile: I totally understand where you're coming from, but it isn't likely to happen. Joanne's advice to change the subject is a good one, and I need to take it more often myself.

 

My next door neighbor's dd didn't read until she well over the age of ten. I didn't go out soliciting opinions from other women who sent their child(ren) to her elementary school. To be honest, it was a myob moment and if I felt real concern...I'd have spoken to her mom about it. kwim?

 

Imo, It's best to suggest concerned relatives, friends, neighbors speak with the parents of their concern. If they really have an issue they will do something and if they just want to chat...We can move on to another subject. And for those purposing more accountability... No Child Left Behind hasn't worked for every child either.

 

Since you have fond feelings towards these people, don't want to snark and they aren't being critical of *you*, I'd say:

 

"You know, I really don't represent all homeschoolers or have all the answers. Let's talk about something else".

[jujsky]

This is probably going to be a very unpopular opinion here, but when faced with a situation like this, I tend to agree with the people who are saying there are a lot of slacker homeschoolers. I've seen them. I know several families personally. I tell them they're right, that's it's scary, and it worries me that even more homeschooling regulations may be put in place, or possibly the right to homeschool will be taken away entirely due to people like this. I know 8 or 9 year-olds with no LDs who can't read because their parents haven't taken the time to teach them. My 6 year-old WITH several LDS (including a visual processing disorder) can read better than some of these kids, and his reading skills are certainly nothing to write home about. I know 8 and 9 year-olds with no LDs who cannot do basic single-digit addition and subtraction. It's usually the same kids who cannot read at this age. It's sad, and I think these parents are doing a huge disservice to their kids, and to the homeschool community in general. Many of these people classify themselves as unschoolers. There is a difference between the true unschooling movement and just feeling too lazy to do anything academic with your children.

 

Parents in the 1980s worked hard to win the right to homeschool. Some of these people even ended up in jail. I wouldn't be willing to do that, or to risk having my kids thrown in foster care because of my convictions, but these brave people did. I think it's a slap in the face to not take the privledge to homeschool seriously. I do tell these people that there are more homeschool families who take it seriously than those who do not, but those slacker homeschoolers......that's a hot-button issue for me! I felt it was bad enough that the gross assumption was made that I must be a Christian because I homeschool (I'm not). Now there is a wide-spread assumption that people who homeschool are lazy, and keep their kids at home because it's too much effort to get them on the bus every day. That really, really ticks me off!

[Haiku]

***Does anyone have suggestions on how to relate to a person who knows a "slacker" homeschooler and is thus concerned about homeschooling in general?***

 

"There are slacker kids at school whose parents do not support or encourage their education. Should schools as a whole be viewed with suspicion because a few families are slackers?"

 

(The myriad reasons schools SHOULD be viewed with suspicion aside, of course. ;) )

 

Tara

[Pajama Mama]

Since you have fond feelings towards these people, don't want to snark and they aren't being critical of *you*, I'd say:

 

"You know, I really don't represent all homeschoolers or have all the answers. Let's talk about something else".

 

That's a perfect answer. I think in mixed company homeschooling should be placed in the "taboo" subject file-along with religion and politics. You will never get the person to see your point of view. The other person will try to get you to see things their way. Just don't go there.

[Aussenfay]

Unfortunately, in my husband's line of work he comes into contact with a large number of these "slacker" homeschoolers. Usually the parents end up homeschooling as "plan c" because their child got kicked out of school for bad behavior. There are also quite a few who homeschool because the public schools in our metro area can be quite dangerous. Some of these kids should have never graduated from high school. He also deals with public high school kids who were unable to pass their classes and tests to graduate and so the schools just issue them "special ed" diplomas to graduate them. After all, they wouldn't want their graduation rates to go down.

 

My husband is 100% on board with homeschooling our children. We both feel strongly that the greatest influence on a child's education is his parents. This is true whether a child is in public school, private school, or homeschooled. There are slacker homeschool parents and slacker public school parents. Life isn't fair and not all parents are equal. That's just how it is. I would explain this to your friend and tell her that you can't make life for fair other children, but you can give your child the best education possible.

[Mandy in TN]

It is my experience that children, whether in a traditional classroom or homeschooled, are about as educated as their parents expect them to be. I would venture to state that many children who are not doing well in traditional classrooms do not have parents who take an interest in their education.

 

Most of the homeschoolers that I see at Kumon have kids that are behind. They realize that their kids are behind where they want them to be in order to mainstream into a traditional middle school or high school, begin dual enrollment, or attend college. These families are actively attempting to bring their children up to wherever they feel the child needs to be.

 

At homeschool music class all of the children are working at or above (mostly above) their traditionally schooled counterparts.

 

OTOH- at co-op and park day I have met a few families whose children are working on math or reading levels significantly below the majority of their age level peers. Most of these parents simply have a different educational philosophy than I have, but I believe that they know what is best for their family. Very, very few of them are truly slackers.

 

I know a family that for the most part does child led education until junior high. They currently have a 10yo who is probably working at a 2nd/3rd grade level in math and reading and a 19yo who is going to college on a full scholarship and has so many dual enrollment credits that he will be a junior after his first semester. For years I heard that these children were going to suffer for their parents choices, but that doesn't seem to be the case.;)

 

HTH-

Mandy

[melissel]

It is my experience that children, whether in a traditional classroom or homeschooled, are about as educated as their parents expect them to be. I would venture to state that many children who are not doing well in traditional classrooms do not have parents who take an interest in their education.

 

Most of the homeschoolers that I see at Kumon have kids that are behind. They realize that their kids are behind where they want them to be in order to mainstream into a traditional middle school or high school, begin dual enrollment, or attend college. These families are actively attempting to bring their children up to wherever they feel the child needs to be.

 

At homeschool music class all of the children are working at or above (mostly above) their traditionally schooled counterparts.

 

OTOH- at co-op and park day I have met a few families whose children are working on math or reading levels significantly below the majority of their age level peers. Most of these parents simply have a different educational philosophy than I have, but I believe that they know what is best for their family. Very, very few of them are truly slackers.

 

I know a family that for the most part does child led education until junior high. They currently have a 10yo who is probably working at a 2nd/3rd grade level in math and reading and a 19yo who is going to college on a full scholarship and has so many dual enrollment credits that he will be a junior after his first semester. For years I heard that these children were going to suffer for their parents choices, but that doesn't seem to be the case.;)

 

HTH-

Mandy

 

Beautifully said.

[kalanamak]

Hmmm, not quite either one. I think she thinks "homeschooler" when she sees me and the thought connects with her ongoing concern about this other person. She actually is a very wonderful person. :)

 

I suppose I would tell her, truthfully, that I am not my sister's keeper.:)

 

Poor thing. She must be worried about it.

[Moni]

***Does anyone have suggestions on how to relate to a person who knows a "slacker" homeschooler and is thus concerned about homeschooling in general?*** .

 

We are likely considered slackers.

We never State-test and my kids don't take the SAT/ACT either.

We do community college then transfer into Univ as a junior.

 

It is a parent's prerogative to slack, though.

 

Slacker is in the eye of the beholder.

 

I tell these folks.....

So these (my kids) are a few fewer people Your Children are going to have to compete against for top jobs, coveted seats in University or Grad School, etc.

These slacker kids will never be a threat to your DC's high level corporate positions.

 

What is the big fear? This is Good News for Their Kids. ;)

 

Those parents, if they don't like the daily grind of competitive public or private school can opt to homeschool too.

 

I think folks are, frankly, amazed (shocked really) that homeschoolers don't have to State-test or produce a transcript or SAT/ACT test. It's refreshing that we don't have to and I think they are a little jealous (...good jealous, not evil jealous...) that my kids and I don't have to endure the rat-race they and their students have to endure for K-12, SAT prep, AP transcripts, etc.

 

There are a lot of slacker homeschooled kids.

But there were entire public schools, separate schools in a different part of town when I was a kid, devoted to the Slacker Kids of the 1970s, eh? We all knew where those Slacker Kids (..the bad kids?....) went when they couldn't conform to the standard PS mentality.

 

I've talked until I'm blue in the face, and it doesn't seem to make a whit of difference

 

That's a lot of talking ....;)..... is she actually asking a particular question?

My experience is that homeschoolers tend to talk and talk and justify and argue points when most of the time, there is no real question. :lol:

So she knows a 9 year old who can't read.

So what. ;) So be it. I believe her. What is her question? :001_huh:

 

:seeya:

Edited September 22, 2009 by Moni

[Kate CA]

From the context of the conversation, her "I get the feeling" remark seemed to be based on a series of small things she couldn't quite put her finger on or articulate.

 

She contrasted what she sees and hears in our home with this other home, and she concludes that she is not sure the mother takes schooling seriously. (Which might make this worse, because we all know that I am not a homeschooling standard at large. :lol: People could conduct their schools waaaay different, of course, and be wildly successful.)

 

But yes, I am aware that perhaps she just doesn't know enough about what's REALLY going on in that home. And to her credit, she doesn't want to jump to conclusions. But she is concerned.

 

But here is the thing - I have a 9yo struggling reader who could read her birthday card were it in very clear print, but it would have taken a long time so I read it for her in front of her grandmother. Had it been in any other font or cursive, she would not have been able to do it. I have been honest with my mom that my dd is struggling--and slowly succeeding--but it is taking much longer with her than with the other children thus far. Your friend may not have any real knowledge of the manner in which this homeschool mom is working or what she is dealing with.

 

Many people might say that I was slacking in teaching her to read, or not taking our homeschooling seriously. It is absolutely impossible to know based upon this person's "feeling" or even what she witnessed because who knows exactly what was going on beforehand? I would dread anyone watching us do reading lessons because they are hard work for all of us.

 

I would not want someone offering to "help" my daughter learn to read. I would not want a "reading partner" for her. Unless there is legitimate, repeated, and frequently witnessed ineptitude on the part of this homeschool mother, it is not really any of your friend's business--relative or not. I know the stress of having a child that struggles and the *last* person I would want "helping" me would be someone who felt I was a slacker or who discussed my "incompetence" with others. Put yourself in this mother's place - what would you feel?

 

I have seen slackers in the homeschooling world and it does bother me, but some situations are not clear. This does not sound like a clearly defined situation to me at all.

[WishboneDawn]

***Does anyone have suggestions on how to relate to a person who knows a "slacker" homeschooler and is thus concerned about homeschooling in general?*** (For now, let's assume the person really is a slacker for the sake of argument.)

 

I don't think I'd entertain that line of thinking at all. If someone offered their 8 year old relative who can't read as proof I'd say something like, "Yup, that's not uncommon. A lot of homeschooling kids tend to read a little later but then, within a short time, race ahead of public schooled kids in terms of reading skills." Just keep it positive. (My bias - my daughter didn't read until she was 9. She now devours book. :))

 

Since this is an issue you're deal with often and sound tired of I don't think I'd be baited into pointing out school's flaws or in indulging their view that the homeschoolers they know are slackers. I wouldn't get into debates about the legality or worth of homeschooling either.

[stripe]

Given the state of American education, and the high percentage of Americans who can't even find our fair land on a globe or identify how many states we have, there aren't many groups that, in my opinion, have much to brag about, so I am at a loss to know why someone would identify homeschoolers as particularly sub-par.