I've messed something up with my son, and now I don't know how to fix it.

[*********]

My ds6, 'Zee', is doing third grade this year. He won't be 7 until April; this means he's two grade levels ahead of his age peers. If he were in public school, he'd be starting first grade.

 

Well, he knows he's doing third grade work. If you ask him 'what grade are you in?', he will tell you third grade. But here's the thing; he's small for his age. At like the 10th percentile for height. So he *looks like he's about in kindergarten. So when someone asks him what grade he's in, and he says third, they either look at him like he didn't understand their question, or they look at me puzzled, waiting for an explanation.

 

I usually follow up his answer with 'We homeschool, and he's a bit advanced'. But then that sounds like I'm bragging. I've also explained all this to ds, and tried to get him to understand that when people ask what GRADE he's in, they really want to know how OLD he is. But when I suggested he answer with 'first grade', he was incredulous. 'But I'm not, mommy, I'm in third grade!'.

 

This is also an issue for signing him up for co-op. We decided not to do co-op this year, but plan to next year. They have the children grouped by grades, instead of ages. Grades 1-3 are together, and grades 4-6 are together. Well, next year he'll be saying he's in 4th grade. But there's no way I want my smaller-than average 7-year-old in a gym class with a bunch of 9-11 year olds. So do I sign him up by age?

 

I can also see this getting 'worse' as he gets older. Within the next few years, we will be transitioning to a year-round school schedule. So that may in fact put him even 'farther' ahead of his age. Plus, in math is where he really excels. He may be in fifth grade math next year. I can just imagine the looks then! :001_smile:

 

So how have others handled this? I really don't care about grade levels; that's one of the huge advantages to hs, right? What if he were 'behind' his age level peers? I know a lot of kids his age who hs might just be starting kindergarten. So if your child is 'ahead' or 'behind' in grade levels, how do you answer other's questions about 'what grade are you in'? Do you teach your child to answer with his age, or with a 'we homeschool', or what? It's so tricky sometimes. I don't want to give ds a complex about it! :tongue_smilie:

[Home'scool]

It all depends on who you are talking to and which class you are signing him up for.

 

If someone asks what grade he is in and you want to give the quick, no confusion answer, I would say "chronologically he would be in 1st grade"

 

If it is someone more savvy to homeschooling or is truly interested, you could expand the above to say "...... but because he gets so much individualized attention he is working at a 3rd grade level."

 

For classes: for the gym class I would sign him up by age, not grade. For academics I would sign him up by work level.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Honestly, I'd do one of two things:

 

1) your work may be on different grade levels (3rd-5th grade next year), but we call you X grade based on age or where you'd be in public school. He doesn't have to agree but he'll get used to it.

 

2) just say, "we homeschool so don't use regular grade levels."

 

We did the latter and it was a pain. And my daughter's age didn't match what she would have been in public school either but it was a lot closer than what materials she was using at home. At 7, she was doing high school level work, but obviously we didn't say that. I wish we had just gone with #1 and left it at that.

 

BTW, I messed around with this with ds the other way. Again, I wish we had just gone with #1.

 

It just gets too messy to be adjusting grade levels all the time. And you're right. They just want to know his age. They don't care if your 7yo is doing Algebra and it's none of their business if your 11yo can't read yet.

[WTMindy]

I always tell my kids that they are whatever grade that their age is. But, I sign them up for whatever classes they need to be most successful, either above or below grade level. I would just say, "You are doing advanced work, but you really are a first grader." I just look at grade level as a way of judging a kids age and NOT ability.

[Tess in the Burbs]

My son is 7.5 and small for his age. He and I both have gotten so confused on the "what grade are you" question that we are now saying what grade he would be in school to people who inquire. It's easier for both of us.

 

As far as co-ops go, it would depend...if it's truly an educational class your child could keep up then it may be worth trying BUT if the other kids reject your son as a peer it would be better to have co-ops be a fun learning place where he's in his correct grade level by age with peers of the same age.

 

I finally had to decide what was best for my son. He's working ahead a grade but I just let him decide what he wants to tell people. He tells them his age appropriate grade and for some people he will add on, but I am doing higher math, etc.

 

My son would not do well in a class of older kids. He would not fit in. He would not be able to succeed in that environment. and we had a bad co-op type class once that was too easy but he said he had fun, so what does it matter?

 

you know your child. you know if he would be ok in a class of older kids socially. there is a social factor there even if the child can keep up intellectually. SO be honest with yourself and your son and make the decisions that are best for him.

 

for us it was bringing the 'grade' back to the age level people expect and who cares what we do at home :-) we don't do educational co-ops though. they are doing an art co-op this year and so I was fine with the grades and how they were broken down.

 

good luck!

[dangermom]

We answer by age and do whatever work we want. People really want to know what age the child is, and they're turned off by hearing about advanced work; it sounds braggy.

 

One advantage, in my mind, to this is that my 9yo doesn't really realize that she's working ahead of her friends. I've known so many people who consider themselves better than others because they're intelligent, and/or who coasted through school, only to crash and burn in college because they had relied on their native smarts and never developed work habits. So I talk a lot about how being smart is really much more about working hard and never giving up than about knowing things easily.

[JudoMom]

I always tell my kids that they are whatever grade that their age is. But, I sign them up for whatever classes they need to be most successful, either above or below grade level. I would just say, "You are doing advanced work, but you really are a first grader." I just look at grade level as a way of judging a kids age and NOT ability.

 

:iagree:

[Brooke3193]

Maybe try the logic that he *is* a first grader *in* a 3rd grade curriculum to explain it to your son?

 

We used to have a public gifted school. Those kids were undoubtedly working above the grade level of their same-age peers, but they still referred to themselves as being *in* whatever grade they were in. i.e. I don't see it as your son being a 3rd grader or in 3rd grade. He is a first grader with an individualized curriculum. Maybe think about kids who are 8 years old working on Algebra but also using 1st grade phonics books. It's just individualized, but they are still 3rd graders.

[lionfamily1999]

First, congrats :)

 

Now, to the business at hand... Explain to your ds that for certain things (gym, scouts if you do that) it's better to be say you're at the grade level that most kids are at his age. That way, he can work with children his own age.

 

When adults ask, tell him to just say what grade he would be in, if he was in a public school. IOW, I would be a 1st grader, if I went to public schools. That way, he's telling the truth, without making himself seem to be at a lower level. If they want to know what grade level he works at he can tell them.

[*********]

When adults ask, tell him to just say what grade he would be in, if he was in a public school. IOW, I would be a 1st grader, if I went to public schools. That way, he's telling the truth, without making himself seem to be at a lower level. If they want to know what grade level he works at he can tell them.

 

This is a GREAT idea. All of ds's hesitation about saying that he's a first grader is because he doesn't think it's honest. The boy is HUGE on honesty; probably because we stress that in our family. :) Like yesterday, he found a nickel on the floor by the checkout at the grocery store. We had to ask the cashier if he could keep it, because he thought it would be stealing if it belonged to the 'store' instead of one of the customers. I tried to explain to him that probably someone just dropped it when they were paying, and they didn't want to bother picking it up. But he still obviously didn't feel comfortable with keeping it, so I had to help him ask the cashier. Thankfully she was an older lady, and was impress with his honesty instead of just not getting why he was asking in the first place. :D In fact, we got to chatting, and I mentioned that we homeschool. She was so sweet, and remarked how much hard work that must be. I said, 'well, I was gonna say no it's not hard work, but really it is. But it's FUN work, you know?'

[claire up north]

I always answer according to what grade my kid would be in chronologically. This is easiest, imho.

 

I would talk to my son and explain your concerns. He should be able to understand them.

 

Good luck!

[lionfamily1999]

This is a GREAT idea. All of ds's hesitation about saying that he's a first grader is because he doesn't think it's honest. The boy is HUGE on honesty; probably because we stress that in our family. :) Like yesterday, he found a nickel on the floor by the checkout at the grocery store. We had to ask the cashier if he could keep it, because he thought it would be stealing if it belonged to the 'store' instead of one of the customers. I tried to explain to him that probably someone just dropped it when they were paying, and they didn't want to bother picking it up. But he still obviously didn't feel comfortable with keeping it, so I had to help him ask the cashier. Thankfully she was an older lady, and was impress with his honesty instead of just not getting why he was asking in the first place. :D In fact, we got to chatting, and I mentioned that we homeschool. She was so sweet, and remarked how much hard work that must be. I said, 'well, I was gonna say no it's not hard work, but really it is. But it's FUN work, you know?'

Sounds just like my ds. We spent two weeks checking on a stuffy he had found at the beach. He found it and insisted on bringing it to the police station and turning it in. The cops were very amused by my son, insisting that they log it in :lol: and then calling every day to see if it had been "found." Go figure, no one ever claimed it and he got to keep it (fair, square and honest).

[snickelfritz]

insisted that you sign them up by age. They used the cutoff date that matches our public school.

 

Why? Many homeschoolers are doing work that is ahead of their typical age group. But, even when they are ahead academically, their maturity isn't often there. They wanted these classes to be academic, but also time for them to interact with their peers.

 

 

I would just try to keep explaining that, of course, his work is at 3rd grade level and you homeschool him so that he can do that. But, people that ask his grade really are asking his age and that he is, by age, a 1st grader and you can't change that and he can't change that.

 

And add that many activities will require him to be signed up by his AGE group, because that's just the way it works. Dd's dance, gymnastics, soccer, church group, etc... are all by AGE and they didn't give us a choice to change it. Even though she is doing 2nd grade work, she's in with the 1st graders. And I'm fine with that, because she acts like a 1st grader in most ways.

[FriedClams]

We answer by age and do whatever work we want. People really want to know what age the child is, and they're turned off by hearing about advanced work; it sounds braggy.

 

One advantage, in my mind, to this is that my 9yo doesn't really realize that she's working ahead of her friends. I've known so many people who consider themselves better than others because they're intelligent, and/or who coasted through school, only to crash and burn in college because they had relied on their native smarts and never developed work habits. So I talk a lot about how being smart is really much more about working hard and never giving up than about knowing things easily.

 

:iagree:

 

That's how we handle it. I think it's best the kids not really have a clue how ahead or behind they are. We do what's appropropraite for them at this moment. We reply to the "grade" question based on the age of the local public school and leave it at that. I think builiding pride at a young age can be difficult to deal with later and can erode a teachable heart in a child.

 

For placement in a co-op I would be careful about putting your child in too far ahead. 6 and 7 year olds have very different social skills and needs than 9 and 10 year olds and vice versa. While your child may benefit from the acadmic challenge of being with older kids - and be intellectually ready for the material - I would honestly and carefully consider his social readiness as well as the long term inpact of setting the precident of being with older kids (and bond with those kids). I certainly don't advocate keeping kids back acadmically so they can be in a same-aged peer group - but a large purpose of most co-ops is for social stuff and meeting/making friends and that's a valid need for lots of kids. Letting him relax a little with the acadmics to make some friends and have some fun is a valid reason for participating in a co-op. I also have 2 bright kids - but for group things we purposely stay with our age group so I don't end up in 6 years with a 14 year old who thinks she's 17 or 18 because her friends are all that age. Or worse - I don't want my kids to lose their friends in 3 years because 13 or 14 year olds understandably don't want to hang out with a 9 or 10 year old.

 

Anyway - just my thoughts. hth!

[Dirtroad]

For PE or sports...we go by the actual age

 

For school/academic work... we go the grade

 

For church/relegion & science courses that may have mature content... we go by actual age

 

My DD is 1 year ahead & gets many of the same looks. She is average in size but very thin. She just tells them (when they look confused) that she is homeschooled and got started early b/c she wanted to learn!

 

Also, I have started to slow her a bit in a couple of subjects b/c I do not want her to be 15 and going to college.... so, we are beginning to mix grades & I call her a 3.5 grade (early 4th idea). Next year, we may be 4.5 or 4th. She has always progressed well but I see her immaturity in her penmanship & math... so we are getting our change to slow down for good reasons... not just age.

[nmoira]

I instructed DD the Elder to answer, "If I were at school, I'd be going into second grade."

[angela in ohio]

A few random thoughts:

 

You can honestly call him a first grader doing third grade work (leave that last part out when you talk to people in public.) In school, each grade level has children in many different ability levels.

 

You may not need to worry about him getting much farther ahead. Or he might. I wouldn't worry about that until it happens.

 

For co-op, unless it is a purely academic class (math, writing,) I would sign him up by age. The classes will be more developmentally appropriate. I have grade-advanced kiddos in my Sunday School class (which is not academic at all,) and the big difference is that they are not mature enough for the format (discussion, sitting,) and would be more appropriately placed with the younger class (coloring, singing.)

 

My dc have always worked far ahead, but we called them their grade level by age, up until this past year when, with outside testing and consultation, we decided to grade advance one dd.

 

I honestly don't deal with looks and comments from people, because it is a rare person who knows. It does not come up in conversations IRL unless I bring it up, and I don't. The first time it really "showed" was when we skipped dd this year, and it has brought a backlash from those few who do know. It is better to keep it mum.

[angela in ohio]

We used to have a public gifted school. Those kids were undoubtedly working above the grade level of their same-age peers, but they still referred to themselves as being *in* whatever grade they were in. i.e. I don't see it as your son being a 3rd grader or in 3rd grade. He is a first grader with an individualized curriculum. Maybe think about kids who are 8 years old working on Algebra but also using 1st grade phonics books. It's just individualized, but they are still 3rd graders.

 

Exactly.

 

It is the rare homeschooler who is actually going to graduate their child a few years early, and even then, you probably won't know if that is appropriate until they are older. It seems to be mostly younger homeschooled students who are called grade-advanced. ;)

 

You can't go wrong with just calling them the grade level by age.

[Colleen in SEVA]

My oldest knows that he is doing X grade math (why do they put it on the cover :confused: ), but knows that in other subjects he is doing a different grade (his subjects for this fall are 4th-7th). He does not know what grade I file him in at the school district.

 

I explained to him that some people think it is rude to ask someone how old they are, so they ask what grade they are in instead. They don't really want to know what level work you are doing, only how old you are. So my son answers "If I were in school, I would be in 3rd grade." That is not telling a lie because my local school does not allow acceleration of any kind (actual words from principal, right after he told me that he would not allow my K-er to read books in class because it would not be fair to the kids who are not ready to learn to read yet).

 

As for co-ops, I TRY to keep him with age mates because we do them for fun. We did a PE class when he was 5 that was for 5-8 year olds, but not enough kids signed up so they merged it with the class for 9-12 year olds. It was a miserable experience for him!

 

We tried another co-op with age ranges when he was 6. I signed him up for a book club for 6-8 year olds, they studied Treasure Island. The director of the co-op pulled me aside and said that since he was "only 6", she thought he would be happier in the class for 4-6 year olds (which was a fun class for my younger son, they traced the letter of the week in sand and learned about the 4 seasons). Thankfully, when I asked the teacher of the class if he was doing ok, she said he was doing great and had no problem with him being in the class (I found out later that only 2 kids in the class besides my son could actually read).

 

We have decided not to do any co-ops this year.

 

A long way of saying... I would explain to your son that even though he is capable of DOING third grade work, he isn't really IN third grade. Point out that since you work 1-on-1, you are able to do whatever level of work is best for him, but that in school there is 1 teacher for 25 kids so they all have to do the same work, and they have determined the fairest way to do that is based on age. And, when someone asks what grade he is in, they really are only trying to ask how old he is in a polite way. :)

Edited September 10, 2009 by Colleen in SEVA

[HeatherInWI]

We do our sign-ups and official "grade levels" by age, so the children are with their age mates for socializing, etc. However, in academics, they're several years ahead.

[Moni]

asks him what grade he's in, and he says third, they either look at him like he didn't understand their question, or they look at me puzzled, waiting for an explanation. I usually follow up his answer with

 

 

I wouldn't follow up his answer.

My son never knows what grade he's in. When he was in 7th, someone asked him. He replied. "oh, 4th.....wait, no...9th....." :lol:

I don't offer an explanation. If they are that concerned, they will ask a follow-up question. *wink

 

 

But when I suggested he answer with 'first grade', he was incredulous. 'But I'm not, mommy, I'm in third grade!'.

 

Then what?

Did you go on to explain further to him?

Do some role playing?

If you really want him to answer with 1st grade, I trust you can stay on the subject with him and do some social/conversation skills training until he comes around.

If he gets to choose what to say, the so be it. He will likely say something else, but there you have it.

 

 

he'll be saying he's in 4th grade. But there's no way I want my smaller-than average 7-year-old in a gym class with a bunch of 9-11 year olds. So do I sign him up by age?

 

You just answered this question yourself.

If there is no way he's going to be in gym class with 11 years old, then he won't. You'd have to actually sign him up and encourage him to stand there for him to be in the class. Right? He can't get there without your choosing and facilitating :-)

 

 

He may be in fifth grade math next year. I can just imagine the looks then!

Who is giving looks?

How do they know which math he is in?

You can learn to be vague with answers and your son can be talk some social skills, conversation skills, etc.

:)

If you have a 5th grader in Saxon 87, and they ask what math you use, say Saxon. If folks ask whether he's in Math 65, you can. Well, he already did Math 54, so . . . . . ;) Algebra-1 in 7th is pretty standard in PS, so if you backtrack it to 6th, 5th, 4th, even the most advanced sounding homeschoolers would have a large group of classmates in their math class down the street.

If they ask what kind of problems he's doing? Oh, you know, addition, subtraction, the usual. Sure, he might be doing addition and subtraction of simultaneous linear equations, but he's still doing addition and subtraction.

If you want to say simultaneous linear equations, then, that's your choice too, but you'll have to endure the consequences, short-term and long-term.

It just depends on your social priorities there.

 

 

So how have others handled this?

Handled....what?

If you want to move at student pace, continue.

If you don't want to move at student pace, stall him.

 

If you don't want him in PE with 11 year olds, then don't take him there.

If you want him in PE class with agemates, then enroll him in that section, take him to where those aged-children are standing.

 

If you want to be honest about his math level, then share it.

If you don't want to deal with looks and questions, then be vague.

:)

 

 

how do you answer other's questions about 'what grade are you in'?

Well, I teach age-minus-five. I even tried, think of a hand, it's five fingers, age minus hand. But my nearly teen son still replied with, "...oh.... 4th .... wait, no...9th....

 

 

'what grade are you in'? Do you teach your child to answer with his age

Age is a good answer.

If they ask what grade is that, then that's when the you can do the math age-minus-five, or the student can. When people ask "what grade are you in" that's code for age anyway, or it's code for "I want to try to remember what I was doing in Nth grade" or code for "I have a grandson in 4th grade and I'm wondering how close in age your son is o him" :) They are likely just trying to make chit-chat with a youngster and not his mother. *wink

 

 

I don't want to give ds a complex about it!

It sounds as if he already has a complex about it. :lol:

 

Really though, you just think in terms of what your goals are.

 

If you want to be 'grade level' about it, answer accordingly and tolerate the replies, looks, whatever else you perceive.

 

If you don't want looks, replies, etc., then answer accordingly there too.

 

If you want him with agemates for certain activities, you do the math age-minus-five and enroll with with that group.

 

And remember, if they aren't really drilling you with questions, you don't have to give an explanation unless you want them to hear it, unsolicited. Why are you talking? :lol: You can just leave it at what your son says. Smile. That's what I do. Even when he's 12, taller than all of us, and says "..4th grade..."

 

:seeya:

[JennifersLost]

I agree with others who say for co-op classes, try signing him up by age first. He may be "smart" enough to do the older kids' work, but he won't have the social skills to blend in with kids that much older. I don't mean this in a bad way at all; different ages have different interests and ways of interacting.

[*********]

I agree with others who say for co-op classes, try signing him up by age first. He may be "smart" enough to do the older kids' work, but he won't have the social skills to blend in with kids that much older. I don't mean this in a bad way at all; different ages have different interests and ways of interacting.

 

Jennifer, I don't take it in a 'bad' way. You're totally right, as are all the other posters who've said this. I fully 'get' and see that ds6 is not socially advanced, just academically. He still likes to do 6-year-old boy stuff, no matter what level math he's in. And frankly, I'm in no hurry for him to act like or 'blend in with' older kids. I rather like him being six. :001_smile: And if we do end up doing co-op next year, it will difinitely be more for the 'social' aspect than any academic aspect.

 

I think I'll just work with him a bit on answering either 'I'm six' or 'if I was in public school, I'd be in first grade'. Those are both honest, and answer the question well. I guess I just needed to hear that I should 'work' with him on understanding our sitation more. We already talk about one of the advantages to homeschooling being that we can go at his pace; I just need to expound on what that means to US.

[Scuff]

I agree with the PS-grade solution. I wish I had heard people say that a few years ago. I always figured grade didn't matter, they're hs'd they'll just keep doing the next thing. Then last summer we got behind and I wanted to make a big deal out of the "first" day of school, since we had been doing it all summer. So I emphasized that they were going from one grade to the next. Oops. DS was born in Dec. and misses the cut-off by about 2 weeks, but I started him anyway. So in PS he'd be in 3rd, but he's doing 4th. Well, he's very adiment that he's in 4th, but socially, I'm 100% certain he would have done better waiting if he had gone to an actual school. Not I'm thinking of his life over the next 10 years and wishing I could call him a 3rd grader. Being the oldest would have (and will be in college) been much better than being the youngest. Not sure how to convince a firstborn boy that he's really a grade younger. And not sure how much it matters since most people guess the older grade anyway, and it's only a matter of days difference. DD5 is starting first grade work this year, but to her knowledge she's very happily in Kindergarten. The other kids have asked why all her books have 1s (to which I said, "it's the next book"), but she hasn't noticed.

Edited September 10, 2009 by Scuff

[LibraryLover]

When my dd , now 10, was younger, she would often get this blank look on her face when asked this. She's also small for her age. I would chuckle inside when someone asked and she'd look at me and say, 'What grade would I be in if I attended school" . (We don't 'do' grades, but OK, she's ahead in everything. lol)

 

Lately she has moved to saying, "Oh, 4th or 5th, I suppose. I don't go to school". You'd be surprised at how many people then ask, "Oh! How old are you?" rather than 'You don't go to school?"

 

It's fun.

[KarenNC]

This is also an issue for signing him up for co-op. We decided not to do co-op this year, but plan to next year. They have the children grouped by grades, instead of ages. Grades 1-3 are together, and grades 4-6 are together. Well, next year he'll be saying he's in 4th grade. But there's no way I want my smaller-than average 7-year-old in a gym class with a bunch of 9-11 year olds. So do I sign him up by age?

 

I guess it depends on whether your co-op is all or nothing---everyone signs up as a block rather than for individual classes or separating out academics from physical activities. If it is all or nothing, I would probably sign my daughter up based on age so that she would be appropriately placed for gym class due to safety and ability issues, realizing that academically she wouldn't be challenged. I would see the academic classes as more for fun and learning how to behave/interact in a group learning situation from someone other than me (which is a valuable thing, IMO). This would be harder for me if I were hoping that the co-op would cover some of our core material rather than being enrichment-type classes, though, and I would have to weigh the investment of time/money vs the benefit.

 

FWIW, we haven't done a co-op yet. My daughter is 9, advanced in reading, but not in math, and definitely not in physical activity. I tend to sign her up for things that are offered separately so that I can tailor her placement to one that will be of most benefit. We do scouts, pe, etc at age level.

[gardening momma]

I explained to him that some people think it is rude to ask someone how old they are, so they ask what grade they are in instead. They don't really want to know what level work you are doing, only how old you are.

When I ask a child what grade they're in, I'm interested both in how old they are and what level work they're doing.

[babysparkler]

My 9 year old is, by age, in fourth grade this year. He is really working on 7-9th grade academically depending on the subject. He considers himself "fourth grade" and answers that when he is asked. It keeps things much clearer for us as to when he will be "graduating" highschool and it keeps him in with his social group for co-op. If academics come up, we just explain what academic level he is working on. It works well for us.

Edited September 10, 2009 by babysparkler

[Carol in Cal.]

I think that you'd probably be better off participating in a park day or in some physical classes like sports, art, or music.

[WTMCassandra]

I've only had time to read some of the responses, so I hope this isn't too much of a repeat. I tell my children that people just want to know how old they are compared to other children. So I call them the grade they would be in if they were in public school, but they know it has no relation to the actual work they are doing. And half the time they don't even remember the grade and I have to tell the person "If they were in PS they would be in xx grade. But we work at our own pace so we don't pay much attention to grades at home."

[Unicorn.]

It all depends on who you are talking to and which class you are signing him up for.

 

 

For classes: for the gym class I would sign him up by age' date=' not grade. For academics I would sign him up by work level.[/quote']

 

:iagree: This is what most everyone I know does. You haven't done your son a disservice. A disservice would be making him do 1st grade work, just because he's 6. :D

[lionfamily1999]

"If they were in PS they would be in xx grade. But we work at our own pace so we don't pay much attention to grades at home."

That's so close it's almost exactly what I posted :)

 

 

IOW, it must be right, someone agrees :D

[Moni]

When I ask a child what grade they're in, I'm interested both in how old they are and what level work they're doing.

 

What do you do/say if someone gives their age? :confused:

 

:seeya:

[Mrs Mungo]

That's so close it's almost exactly what I posted :)

 

 

IOW, it must be right, someone agrees :D

 

I agree with you too, this is what we do. We say they are in the grade they would be in according to their age, especially for co-op related activities.

[Hillary in KS]

I'll echo other posters.

 

We've always told our boys they're in whatever grade they would be in in ps. This year I have an 8th grader, a 3rd grader, and a kindergartener.

 

Now, they all have books that have other numbers. Some of their subjects are at grade level, others are above grade level. But the *child* is in a certain grade.

 

I'm not sure why I see the need to split hairs. "If I were in public school I'd be in first grade" is fine. Or simply saying, "I'm in first grade" is also fine. Public school students are in grades by age, not ability. Unless the speaker is specifically asking about what grade level of work your child is doing, I'm not sure I'm seeing a problem.

 

I think you're right on track with enrolling your ds in co-op with same-age students. We've been in a couple of classes with, for example, all 7th grade students and one second grader. The stages of development were eons apart, and while the 2nd grader may have liked the material in that particular science class, he was NOT able to keep up with *output* and behavior expectation. The poor teacher bent over backwards trying to accommodate this boy (his mother, actually), but I think he would have been happier in a class with younger students.

 

All that being said, I think one of the tremendous benefits of homeschooling is the ability to move our children forward with material, or hold them back, to match their needs. :)

[elegantlion]

I always tell my kids that they are whatever grade that their age is. But, I sign them up for whatever classes they need to be most successful, either above or below grade level. I would just say, "You are doing advanced work, but you really are a first grader." I just look at grade level as a way of judging a kids age and NOT ability.

 

:iagree: My ds is almost 12 (next week) and just starting 6th grade. He's small for his age as well. Academically he's all over the board, ahead grade level in some areas, behind in a few. He also gets along better with younger kids. So we call him 6th, but it is mainly for social outlets, extracurricular stuff.

 

I have explained to ds that some people don't understand homeschooling and so to them he's at this level. Then I give him a ;) and a hug and remind him how smart I know he really is.

[gardening momma]

What do you do/say if someone gives their age? :confused:

Haven't had that yet. My niece and nephew were the ones who I most recently asked. I know how old they are, but not the grades. I wanted an idea of what kind of academic work they were doing in public school.

 

When the answer is a grade, I can guess by that and by looking at the child approximately what their age is. If it doesn't match up, I suppose I'd follow up by asking for the information not provided (age or academic level).

[fivetails]

Yeah this one always gets interesting for us with ds10 -- he's 'officially' registered as a 4th grader with our homeschool board....he's actually *in* his 6th year of schooling. (Short: he did gr 1&2 at one ps, then moved to another and went back into a gr1 class, did 1,2, and a little of 3 there, rest of 3 as a hs'er, starting 4th now still as a hs'er -- follow that?)....

 

He's going to be 11 at the end of October and is smaller than many K/1st grade kids. No matter what grade I give 'em, I get the weird looks. ;)

 

Most places have been good to us and allow him to join at whatever level would fit the best... and that depends on the activity. A gym class, he would fit better with the gr 1 kids -- the ones playing with beanbags and scooter boards and hula hoops... he'd have a tough time playing basketball or other sports with the upper elem ages! For VBS this summer, I took him with the gr 4-6 group...for AWANAs, he's using the Sparks book, generally gr1-3, I think...we may look at moving up to the next level this Fall when it starts again, I need to look through his big sister's book and see....he took part in a fun music group for kids under 6 back in the spring....yeah we're all over the place. :tongue_smilie:

 

(I realize it's a diff situation, but thought I'd share because I do know what it's like to get the 'eh???' looks and responses when grade level - and age - gets asked)

[Moni]

suppose I'd follow up by asking for the information not provided (age or academic level).

 

 

This was kind of my point

It's okay to give "a little" information.

If someone is truly very interested, they tend to follow up with another sincere question

:seeya:

[st_claire]

I agree to have the kids say "We homeschool. We don't have grades". It honest and clear.

[ereks mom]

I always tell my kids that they are whatever grade that their age is. But, I sign them up for whatever classes they need to be most successful, either above or below grade level. I would just say, "You are doing advanced work, but you really are a first grader." I just look at grade level as a way of judging a kids age and NOT ability.

 

This has been my policy as well, and my dc were always above grade level in anything that involved academics. I think it's important to consider the child's maturity -- which usually varies less than academic ability -- I mean, a 10yo is naturally going to *act* like a 10yo, whether he's reading on a 1st grade level or a 9th grade level, KWIM?

 

A friend of mine is a homeschooler whose dd is working 2 years above grade level, and they handle it just the opposite of the way we do. Sometimes it causes problems in co-op classes or at church; there is some resentment from other kids because the girl knows she is "advanced", and she doesn't hesitate to let some of her classmates know that she is ahead of them in school even though she is younger than they are. (I actually heard her say this to my dd a few years back.) When the girl was in 6th grade (9yo and small for her age), her mom put her into the youth group at church because at their church, youth was for grades 6 & up. Nevermind the fact that most of the youth were older teens (15/16+) who did NOT want a 9yo hanging around with them.

[EKS]

My 7yo has always worked 1-2 grade levels ahead and is working almost exclusively at a 4th grade level this year (2 grades ahead). His "grade level" is his grade by age level (2nd) but he knows he is working at a 4th grade level in the subjects that have a grade level on them.

 

My 13yo would be in 8th grade this year but is working at a high school level in all subjects (he has worked at a high school level in some subjects for the previous two years). This is the first year that I have told him that he can tell others whatever he wants to with regard to grade level. So depending on the circumstance he might say he's in his first year of high school, or 9th grade, or 8th grade. He also understands that for him, high school runs 5 years here.

 

For my 7yo, in general I will put him in with his same age peers as he fits with kids his own age socially. If there is an age spread in a group I try to place him so he is on the younger side. If I were to put him in a math class, I would try to place him where he is academically or at least close to it.

 

I would tell him that he is in first grade and because you homeschool he is able to do work that is at his level, which happens to be third grade level. Third grade level work is what he does in first grade because it's right for him. You might want to investigate curriculum materials that don't designate grade levels whenever possible in the future.

 

I hope some of these ramblings help.

[zaichiki]

For placement in a co-op I would be careful about putting your child in too far ahead. 6 and 7 year olds have very different social skills and needs than 9 and 10 year olds and vice versa. While your child may benefit from the acadmic challenge of being with older kids - and be intellectually ready for the material - I would honestly and carefully consider his social readiness as well as the long term inpact of setting the precident of being with older kids (and bond with those kids). I certainly don't advocate keeping kids back acadmically so they can be in a same-aged peer group - but a large purpose of most co-ops is for social stuff and meeting/making friends and that's a valid need for lots of kids. Letting him relax a little with the acadmics to make some friends and have some fun is a valid reason for participating in a co-op.

 

I think this is tricky. If the child is more than a year or two ahead in an academic area, a co-op class that is based on academics wouldn't be a good fit for them if put into their age group. BUT it may also not be a good fit to put them into the academic group that *would* be a good fit, because the kids would likely be several years older. Sometimes, though, you're just stuck between a rock and a hard place, and you need to choose the *least* worst fit. Make sense?

 

Our dd is about to start a Suzuki group class with kids 4+ years older than she is. It wouldn't make sense to put her in with her age peers, though she certainly *likes* those children. Neither group is *really* the right fit, but we have to consider the *reason* we're doing the group. The purpose is for the kids to practice songs at the level they're currently working. It just happens that most of the kids start at a similar age and advance through the material at a similar rate. That doesn't mean that kids who start earlier or advance more quickly should stay in a group where they don't get a chance to review most of their material. It also doesn't mean that a child who starts later or advances more slowly is necessarily going to be happy in a group class with children 3+ years younger. But... like I said... sometimes you just have to choose the least worst option. Always consider the purpose of the group. WHY is your child there? WHY are you paying for the group? IS it just a social experience? Or is it mainly an academic opportunity? Sometimes it is BOTH and then the kids who are on either far end of the bell curve just aren't going to find a truly good fit no matter where you place them.

 

Good luck!

:)

[gardening momma]

This was kind of my point

It's okay to give "a little" information.

If someone is truly very interested, they tend to follow up with another sincere question

:seeya:

My point is that if I ask for their grade (because I am interested in what level of work they're doing) and they give me their age instead, I'll ask for their grade (again).

[Colleen in SEVA]

Funny story about this --

 

Over the summer we were in Barnes & Noble filling in the reading log for the free book. At the top, it asks for name, school, and grade. The form said "for grades 1-6", so I asked each boy what grade he wanted to be in. My oldest giggled and said 1st, my 5 yo wanted to be 4th, my 4 yo also wanted to be 1st. The lady near us listed to the whole conversation and gave me a rather odd look.

 

:lol::lol:

[5Youngs]

Funny story about this --

 

Over the summer we were in Barnes & Noble filling in the reading log for the free book. At the top, it asks for name, school, and grade. The form said "for grades 1-6", so I asked each boy what grade he wanted to be in. My oldest giggled and said 1st, my 5 yo wanted to be 4th, my 4 yo also wanted to be 1st. The lady near us listed to the whole conversation and gave me a rather odd look.

 

:lol::lol:

 

:lol:

[Moni]

My point is that if I ask for their grade (because I am interested in what level of work they're doing) and they give me their age instead, I'll ask for their grade (again).

 

:)

Right. This was my point too. ;)

That most of the time folks are making polite conversation or seeking an age range or are going to compare themselves to when they were in 3rd grade or their nephew that is in 3rd grade, etc.

If they really want to know which math book they are in, they will ask a followup questions.

:seeya: