Touchy Feely Vs. Anti-Touchy Feely

[LUV2EDU]

Are you a "touchy feely" kind of person? If not, do you find it offensive when someone has the need to touch you (with their hands or hugs) every time they speak to you?

 

Some people can't stand to be touched. This is why I only hug people I know very well. My pet peeve was when people touched my stomach (when I was pregnant) without my permission.

 

My husband, on the other hand, loves beautiful and unique rings. So, he has the tendency to reach for a woman's hand to get a better look at her ring. Although he means no harm, I find myself explaining to him that people (especially women), may take offense to someone reaching for their hand without their permission.

[mrsrevmeg]

I don't like to be touched by the general public, especially men. It creeps me out when men (other than my husband) touch me. I am trying to get past people hugging me. I don't really like it, but I don't want to come across as rude.

[Nakia]

I am very touchy feely. I love hugs from everyone!!

[snickelfritz]

Yes, it makes me uncomfortable when aquaintances(or...gasp...people that I've JUST met) that are like that. It would make me a bit ....squeamish if someone grabbed my hand to look at my ring or got up real close to look at my earrings. male or female Now, if they asked....I'd be happy to show them off from a distance.

Edited July 2, 2009 by snickelfritz

[Love2Smile]

I too am very touchy feely. I usually hug upon greeting people, well mainly friends and those I don't see often. I am always hugging my husband all the time

[BakersDozen]

The very thought of others touching me makes me squirm. I actually had to ask a friend's dh to stop hugging me every time we were together - no funny business, it was just the new greeting which I can't stand. I won't even sit close to someone on the couch and detest goodbyes that involve lots of hugs. I can't say I get offended but definitely uncomfortable. What bothers me most is if anyone takes my hand; I have to fight the urge to not only pull my hand away but to smack the other person's hand as well. Oddly enough I love people touching my preggo belly. Maybe because I thought I would not have more babies and so the acknowledgment of the pregnancy thrills me?

[Cricket]

I'm not very touchy-feely. I am not offended if someone is and they give me a hug to say hello. I have noticed that I tend to put a little more distance between myself and people like that if we are having a conversation. I would be offended if I asked someone not to do this to me and they still insisted on doing it whenever they saw me. I've never asked that of anyone though.

 

Actually, I can think of one time was I offended. I think I was about 16. I met a distant male relative for the first time at a funeral and, I kid you not, he licked my cheek when he hugged me "hello". That instantly offended and repulsed me! I spent the rest of the day as far away from him as I could get. But that was the rare exception! :lol:

[Danestress]

mildly germ phobic. I would not like your husband taking my hand simply because I would feel compelled to go wash my hands afterward.

 

I prefer the quick hug to a hand shake because, again, I don't want to touch hands.

[Ibbygirl]

I am very touchy feely. I love hugs from everyone!!

 

 

Me too! :hurray: And I'm Spanish/Cuban so we kiss everybody on the cheeks to boot! :D hehe I'd probably send a non-touchy germophobic person screaming and looking for Purell. hehe ;) :p :D

[senunk]

I'm not touchy-feely at all, but everyone else in my family is. Drives me nuts.

[Rosie_0801]

I'm ok about being on hugging terms with very few female friends, none of my extended family (occasionally my grandmother and only my mother to be polite, and that's brief!) I absolutely hate hugging other people's husbands and had to ask a friend not do hug me any more. The only bloke other than dh I can deal with hugging is the kids' godfather, but that's because he's no one's husband, has seen me have a baby and has Aspergers so doesn't feel like hugging me often anyway.

 

Rosie

[JennifersLost]

I only like to be hugged by people I know.

 

I HATE to be touched in any way by men who have been drinking.

[LUV2EDU]

I'm not very touchy-feely. I am not offended if someone is and they give me a hug to say hello. I have noticed that I tend to put a little more distance between myself and people like that if we are having a conversation. I would be offended if I asked someone not to do this to me and they still insisted on doing it whenever they saw me. I've never asked that of anyone though.

 

Actually, I can think of one time was I offended. I think I was about 16. I met a distant male relative for the first time at a funeral and, I kid you not, he licked my cheek when he hugged me "hello". That instantly offended and repulsed me! I spent the rest of the day as far away from him as I could get. But that was the rare exception! :lol:

 

What?!!:eek: I would have smacked him silly.

[Ibbygirl]

I'm ok about being on hugging terms with very few female friends, none of my extended family (occasionally my grandmother and only my mother to be polite, and that's brief!) I absolutely hate hugging other people's husbands and had to ask a friend not do hug me any more. The only bloke other than dh I can deal with hugging is the kids' godfather, but that's because he's no one's husband, has seen me have a baby and has Aspergers so doesn't feel like hugging me often anyway.

 

Rosie

 

 

I don't hug men either, only women, but I am used to a handshake followed by a kiss on the cheek from men in my family. A full frontal hug from a guy would be weird to me as well. :ack2:

[Joanne]

I've changed a lot in this regard. In my former marriage and prior to that divorce, I did NOT like being touched. Part of it was introversion. Part of it was being drained of all things that sustain quality of life combined with introversion. I just didn't have what was needed as an introvert to "deal" with touch.

 

After the separation, however, I began to ....... well....... lighten up. Now, many of my poker players hug me each time they sign in, many of my church friends hug me and I am simply more open than I ever remember being.

[Peela]

Im not touchy feely, but I dont get offended or usually mind if others are with me- sometimes I even like it, unless they are being really over familiar. My dh is very touchy feely and tends to hug and touch people freely. I had an English father and I wasn't hugged as a child, so I had to train myself to hug. Nowadays, I just go with my feelings- I hug when I feel to and dont when I dont. If someone wants to touch or hug me, I rarely reject it, although I have noticed sometimes if someone stands too close to me, I might take a step back.

[LUV2EDU]

mildly germ phobic. I would not like your husband taking my hand simply because I would feel compelled to go wash my hands afterward.

 

I prefer the quick hug to a hand shake because, again, I don't want to touch hands.

 

This makes me wonder about people who have an extreme case of phobia of germs (mysophobia). Do they ever hold hands while walking down the street? Will their fear of germs keep them from having children?

Edited July 2, 2009 by LUV2EDU

[Pamela H in Texas]

I'm not touchy-feely at all. And I have worked on it, but I'm scared to death of men. Your hubby would have me reeling for hours, if not days....and I'm being literal. However, I don't wear a single ring so maybe he wouldn't mess with me.

 

Our religion, at least the congregations I've been to in this country, is pretty huggy. It's taken me a bit to get used to that and I'm still a little awkward except with those I know well. This is one time I get joy out of trying to be more friendly though as I know it makes others happy.

Edited July 2, 2009 by 2J5M9K

[LUV2EDU]

I'm not touchy-feely at all. And I have worked on it, but I'm scared to death of men. Your hubby would have me reeling for hours, if not days....and I'm being literal. However, I don't wear a single ring so maybe he wouldn't mess with me.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[creekland]

I am NOT touchy-feely... but I've learned to get over it and it no longer bothers me when people hug me, etc. Different strokes for different folks. I WOULD get upset if someone licked my cheek!!! Hugs and kisses (on the cheek for all but hubby) are my limit...

[dirty ethel rackham]

I am affectionate, but shy. I am not the one to initiate a hug, but I am tickled pink when someone considers me a close enough friend to initiate a hug. In certain circles, hugs are a normal greeting. With my main group of friends (all homeschoolers), it is not common.

[lionfamily1999]

It depends on the situation. When I coached soccer most of the kids and (imo, strangely) many of the parents hugged me after games/practices. At Scouts and 4H I have a no touch policy, which I've explained to my own kids and those little soccer fanatics that seem to need to touch me. It goes against the rules, so no hugging. At church, I've always been a bit of a hugger.

 

Ime, it's pretty easy to tell who does and does not want to be hugged/hand shake/etc. and I usually give a quick wave, even when we're within feet of each other, as if to say, no worries, I won't touch you, goodbye ;)

 

I will say, I HAVE to do something with my hands, ergo the wave. I've always been bad at keeping my hands still.

[Garga]

I'm the anti-touch. And OF COURSE my dh's love language is touch. GRRR. I have to consciously remind myself each day to be sure to give him hugs or hold his hand. I just don't naturally think of it myself. He especially likes to hold hands when we're out.

 

My friends think it's hilarious how much I don't like to be touched. One makes a point of coming over and giving me big bear hugs at church. She thinks it's sooo funny and that I'm soooo odd for tensing up. I like her, so I take it good naturedly, but I really don't like being hugged.

 

Another time some friends of mine were on either side of me waiting for a picture to be taken. When the picture taker said, "Cheese" they both quickly KISSED MY CHEEKS! AHHHH! The goofballs had planned the whole thing so they could get it on film. My face in the picture it totally stricken.

[Murphy101]

I am not touchy feely at all unless it's my dh or kids, who I can be very affectionate with, partly because I have been given chidlren that are extremely physical in their affection, mannerism, and while talking. Whether I like it or not, they happen to need a mother who is more affectionate physically than I naturally am in order to feel loved, so that is what I strive to give them.

 

I would not be offended unless someone KNEW it and didn't respect it.

 

A stranger doesn't know and thankfully 99% of the time I just defend myself shamelessly by putting a kid or baby between us. "I'd hug you, put my hands are full right now or Oops ! I think she needs a diaper change!" I've been known to stuff food in my mouth when I see a kisser heading my way. Granted they aren't kissing on the lips most of the time, but they tend to not want to kiss the check bulging with food either.:lol:

 

People who know and laugh at me or force the issue offend me greatly and I will avoid them as much as posible to the point of never seeing them again if I can.

[Desert Rat]

This just came up this week. At a function for the boys, I met a mom for the first time and extended my hand. She said, "Oh, I'm a hugger" and proceeded to do just that. It really set me off on the wrong foot. I have personal space issues as it is. I deal with it in social settings and don't say anything, because really, what is there to say. Again, it's not her problem, it's mine. If I've met you a few times of if you need some serious comfort, I'll hug ya, just not strangers.

[KingM]

I'm not into the kissing, in part because I grew up out west where it's not generally done and I always feel like I mess it up. Hugs are fine with me. I used to be mildly homophobic and didn't care for hugs from other men, but I've gotten over that.

[HRAAB]

It depends on who it is. Usually, no unless it's my children or dh; then I can't get enough hugs. My oldest dd is very touch feely. My next dd is completely hands off. She rarely even hugs me. I understand and it's okay. That is why I would never make my children accept or give hugs to people.

 

Wanted to add that after being part of dh's family for 24+ years, I do not mind at all giving/receiving hugs from his brothers and other relatives that I know well. It took me quite a few years to get there, but now I feel it a privilege to be part of the family.

 

Janet

Edited July 2, 2009 by Ishki

[Murphy101]

This just came up this week. At a function for the boys, I met a mom for the first time and extended my hand. She said, "Oh, I'm a hugger" and proceeded to do just that. It really set me off on the wrong foot.

 

I'm with you.

 

I think she was very rude.

 

You offerred a hand shake and she refused it?:001_huh:

 

I'd have been tempted to respond, "Oh that's nice. I'm not." and leave my hand out.:glare:

 

But I probably would have endured in silence just long enough to peddle to the metal in the opposite direction asap.

[Highereducation]

I'm very big on hugs with dh and dd, but I was raised in a family that was not into displays of affection at all. It left me confused. When I was a teenager I had no problem hugging people - never thought twice about it, because I guess I had some catching up to do, lol! - but now, at 40, I prefer to only hug those in my immediate and extended family. Germs bother me to a certain degree, and my area of NJ is very big into the air kiss, and those annoy me to no end.

 

Hugging actually became an issue with the girl one of my siblings married. She was from a huge Italian family and was used to kissing and hugging everyone, and my somewhat reserved German/French/Irish, anti-air kissing family was a bit of a shock to her. At one point she was very angry and hurt by it, and it came out in an argument that she found us to be very weird. Maybe we are.

[Love2Smile]

Me too! :hurray: And I'm Spanish/Cuban so we kiss everybody on the cheeks to boot! :D hehe I'd probably send a non-touchy germophobic person screaming and looking for Purell. hehe ;) :p :D

I am half Spanish half Italian! Here is a giant

MUAH!!!!!!!!

[Impish]

I'm very affectionate with my husband and kids. Other than that, no way. First of all, I've never been really the huggy type. With really close friends, ok, no problem. Not likely to initiate it, but I'd enjoy it just the same. Now that I have RSD in my right arm, the slightest nudge, bump or touch to it can have me in escalating pain for hours on end, so I'm VERY anti-touch to the point where I get panic attacks being in public unescorted...by unescorted I mean someone not guarding my right side at all times. Someone hugging me unannounced would literally have me screaming in pain.

[Ibbygirl]

I am half Spanish half Italian! Here is a giant

MUAH!!!!!!!!

 

 

Awesome!! heheheh grazie or gracias to whichever half of you is the dominant one. ;) :D But we do both cheeks so here's a big mua mua for you! :) hehehe

[LUV2EDU]

Me too! :hurray: And I'm Spanish/Cuban so we kiss everybody on the cheeks to boot! :D hehe I'd probably send a non-touchy germophobic person screaming and looking for Purell. hehe ;) :p :D

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[elise1mds]

I'm the anti-touch. And OF COURSE my dh's love language is touch. GRRR. I have to consciously remind myself each day to be sure to give him hugs or hold his hand. I just don't naturally think of it myself. He especially likes to hold hands when we're out.

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: That is SO me. I then have to remind DH that he's a lucky man that I'll even make myself touch him. I don't do hugs from friends or relatives unless there are mutual tears involved (and I also hardly ever cry). If a random stranger touched me, I'd probably lose my cool. Obviously, I don't do crowds. The mere thought of Black Friday makes me want to implode.

 

Now, my kids are allowed to climb on me, touch me, smother me as much as they like. They are the exceptions to my rule. I want them to get as much touch as they need before they're too old to want any at all! DD is especially feely. She's constantly rubbing my leg or just giving me random hugs or kisses. By the end of a long day with her, my entire integumentary system is DONE, but she feels great. Yay for detox time before bed! ;)

[lovemyboys]

The very thought of others touching me makes me squirm. I actually had to ask a friend's dh to stop hugging me every time we were together - no funny business, it was just the new greeting which I can't stand. I won't even sit close to someone on the couch and detest goodbyes that involve lots of hugs. I can't say I get offended but definitely uncomfortable. What bothers me most is if anyone takes my hand; I have to fight the urge to not only pull my hand away but to smack the other person's hand as well. Oddly enough I love people touching my preggo belly. Maybe because I thought I would not have more babies and so the acknowledgment of the pregnancy thrills me?

 

:lol: I would love to reach out and touch those tummies, but I don't. It's good to hear that if I saw you, I could.

 

I am trying to be more conscientious that not everyone likes to be hugged upon greeting.

[LUV2EDU]

I'm the anti-touch. And OF COURSE my dh's love language is touch. GRRR. I have to consciously remind myself each day to be sure to give him hugs or hold his hand. I just don't naturally think of it myself. He especially likes to hold hands when we're out.

 

My friends think it's hilarious how much I don't like to be touched. One makes a point of coming over and giving me big bear hugs at church. She thinks it's sooo funny and that I'm soooo odd for tensing up. I like her, so I take it good naturedly, but I really don't like being hugged.

 

Another time some friends of mine were on either side of me waiting for a picture to be taken. When the picture taker said, "Cheese" they both quickly KISSED MY CHEEKS! AHHHH! The goofballs had planned the whole thing so they could get it on film. My face in the picture it totally stricken.

 

:lol::lol::D Priceless!

[mommaduck]

I ride the middle. I used to be more touchy feely, now I'm less so. I can't stand to never be touched, but I can't stand to have someone always touching me. I think it depends upon who you are, what and how close your relationship is with me, etc. Hubby is not touchy feely at all.

[Laurie4b]

I think touch should be at the control of the recipient. That's something very basic we teach our kids: you are in control of who touches you and how.

 

As adults, we retain that control when we are the ones potentially being touched and we all have the responsibility not to violate the wishes of those we would seek to touch. There are many reasons why someone might prefer not being touched--large cultural differences, sensory issues, concern for boundaries, etc.

 

I don't think it matters that your dh is fascinated with rings--he should ask for permission before touching someone else.

[AnneGabe]

I'm not actively touchy feely with people outside my family. I am very touchy feely with my sister, my best friend, my husband and my children.

If someone else is touchy feely I enjoy it, I love to be touched, hugged, and all of that stuff, I'm just not secure in initiating it.

 

The one thing I don't like, though? Shaking hands. Odd, huh? I do not like touching strangers' hands.

Pat my shoulder? Lovely. Pat my back? Lovely. Give me a hug? Lovely. Kiss my cheek? Lovely. Touch my hand (specifically my palm)? We have a problem! lol

 

Once again that only goes for strangers. If I'm at all comfortable with you it wouldn't even occur to me to not like touching hands :D

[ncmomo3]

I then have to remind DH that he's a lucky man that I'll even make myself touch him. I don't do hugs from friends or relatives unless there are mutual tears involved (and I also hardly ever cry). If a random stranger touched me, I'd probably lose my cool. Obviously, I don't do crowds. The mere thought of Black Friday makes me want to implode.

 

Now, my kids are allowed to climb on me, touch me, smother me as much as they like. They are the exceptions to my rule.

 

YEP. that's me. You saved me the trouble of typing it.:D

[beezus]

I'm not really a huggy sort. Maybe that's cultural from growing up in a stoic Midwestern farm family. Hugs for the immediate family and a couple close friends are fine, but I feel uncomfortable when people I barely know want to give out hugs. However, I don't think I have ever said no to one because I don't want to be rude and the hugs are offered in kindness. Not something I would initiate with those who aren't real close to me though.

[Peela]

I think touch should be at the control of the recipient. That's something very basic we teach our kids: you are in control of who touches you and how.

 

As adults, we retain that control when we are the ones potentially being touched and we all have the responsibility not to violate the wishes of those we would seek to touch. There are many reasons why someone might prefer not being touched--large cultural differences, sensory issues, concern for boundaries, etc.

 

 

Yeah, I agree to a point, however, I knew a young woman who took that so literally that she would stand before you and ask you if it would be ok for her to give you a hug. I found that far more uncomfortable than her just giving me a hug! SHe did it to everyone, and obviously was intending to be respectful, but it wasnt natural and spontaneous, like a hug should be, KWIM?

 

I also suspect that if kids are touched and cuddled enough- especially girls by their dad and boys by their mum- there would be less perversion and promiscuity in the world. It should be a fairly natural thing and I do admire cultures where it is warm and spontaneous- me coming from a repressed English background and all.

[Laurie4b]

Yeah, I agree to a point, however, I knew a young woman who took that so literally that she would stand before you and ask you if it would be ok for her to give you a hug. I found that far more uncomfortable than her just giving me a hug! SHe did it to everyone, and obviously was intending to be respectful, but it wasnt natural and spontaneous, like a hug should be, KWIM?

 

I also suspect that if kids are touched and cuddled enough- especially girls by their dad and boys by their mum- there would be less perversion and promiscuity in the world. It should be a fairly natural thing and I do admire cultures where it is warm and spontaneous- me coming from a repressed English background and all.

 

If you can read body language, you really don't need to ask; however, some people can't and push on. Perversion isn't typically caused by not being touched and cuddled. When it's related to touch, it's related to physical abuse or to having someone bigger than you are touch you in ways you don't like--typically for the gratification of the person bigger and stronger. So I guess that's the way I would phrase that--touch should be mutual--not for the gratification of the toucher at the expense of the one touched.

[leaird]

I have never been a touchy-feely kind of person. I can handle hugs from friends and acquaintances. However, if someone stands in my personal space while we are talking, it really gets to me. I have a brother who is very touchy-feely and I constantly yell at him to get off of me. He can't help it, he always has to be touching someone. It just happens to drive me crazy.