Passing the bean dip

[Mom-ninja.]

I've decided I need a passing-the-bean-dip comment about why I homeschool.

 

I know there are times when a person may be asking me questions because they themselves are interested in the option of homeschooling. However, when I get the vibe that the person(s) asking is only looking for debate, and wants to defend why they chose ps, I'm just not interested. It's tiring, and frankly I don't want these discussions in front of my kids either.

 

So I need a one liner that leaves no room for comment/debate. I've tried, "It works best for my family." To that I got all sorts of replies, and some are negative and/or lead the way for the other person to argue. How can you argue when someone says it's best for them? I don't know, but people do.

 

Mostly, now I just give a small smile and turn my head when people start with the comments/arguements.

 

So how do you answer the question in a way that ends the conversation?

[OHGrandma]

"Why do you ask?"

[RegGuheert]

"We homeschool because we really LOVE our children!" :D

[jonesloonybin]

How about "Why do you public school?"

[Orthodox6]

Tempting to say -- yet why be combative in return? That sets a stage with he drew his sword first, you instantly drew your sword in response. Here comes the duel.

 

Not productive !

 

How about "Why do you public school?"

[Orthodox6]

Auditor will conclude that you believe s/he does NOT love his or her own children.

 

Nope.

 

"We homeschool because we really LOVE our children!" :D

[Orthodox6]

Said in a friendly tone, this seems good. Opens the door for fruitful conversation, as well as allows the inquirer to stammer confusedly, and back off.

 

"Why do you ask?"

[jonesloonybin]

No matter what you say, if they want to "pick a fight", they will.

 

I real life, if I don't want to talk about it or I feel like the person is just looking for a "fight", I will usually say "Because I want to."

 

Even then, a lot of people will say, "Why?" and on and on and on.

 

Your best bet is to change the subject.

[5KidzRUs]

Say that you HS so that they can be exposed to the "real" world ...

Or say it is because you want them to be socialized ...

 

Seriously, no matter what the reason you give - they are going to bring up the above two points - even well meaning friends and relatives.

 

I am not sure there is a good answer that fits all inquiries - You just have to settle in yourself that you do not owe them an explanation. Find peace within yourself on this issue.

 

When people ask me I simply tell them that the PS doesn't offer what is in the best needs of my this particular child, this year.

[Orthodox6]

Say that you HS so that they can be exposed to the "real" world ...

Or say it is because you want them to be socialized ...

 

Seriously, no matter what the reason you give - they are going to bring up the above two points - even well meaning friends and relatives.

 

I am not sure there is a good answer that fits all inquiries - You just have to settle in yourself that you do not owe them an explanation. Find peace within yourself on this issue.

 

When people ask me I simply tell them that the PS doesn't offer what is in the best needs of my this particular child, this year.

 

:iagree: What I endeavour to do is make sure that the other person does not think I am wholesale condemning him for using an outside school. Sometimes that is what runs the other guy's engine ! (I may be reacting that way internally, but that is my private business !) (Anyway, dh and I always have held the perspective that one should try ones best to provide the "best match" education for each individual child. That may be homeschooling, that may be outside schooling.)

[lmrich]

I tell them that HS works best for my family situation. Keep it simple!

[Melissa in NC]

When I feel snarky is best, I just tell the person that they will get over it.

 

"What about socialization?"

 

"Are you worried about it?"

 

"Yes."

 

"You will get over it."

 

Repeat as necessary.

 

 

Or when people ask why I homeschool, I ask them why not homeschool. Answer each question with a question.

[Hoggirl]

I've decided I need a passing-the-bean-dip comment about why I homeschool.

 

I know there are times when a person may be asking me questions because they themselves are interested in the option of homeschooling. However, when I get the vibe that the person(s) asking is only looking for debate, and wants to defend why they chose ps, I'm just not interested. It's tiring, and frankly I don't want these discussions in front of my kids either.

 

So I need a one liner that leaves no room for comment/debate. I've tried, "It works best for my family." To that I got all sorts of replies, and some are negative and/or lead the way for the other person to argue. How can you argue when someone says it's best for them? I don't know, but people do.

 

Mostly, now I just give a small smile and turn my head when people start with the comments/arguements.

 

So how do you answer the question in a way that ends the conversation?

 

The longer I have home schooled, the more I do not mind engaging in these conversations, *especially* in front of my ds. I have had them with people who are supportive and people who are clearly not. I have had them with good friends and total strangers. I feel that being able to explain your choice effectively and calmly (it took me a while to get there mind you, as I used to be pretty defensive) sets a great example for your children of how to support a position for which many may disagree. To see how to defend a choice without becoming antagonistic or letting other people bait you.

 

Sometimes I give a short answer, and I certainly get not being in the mood to defend yourself. But, overall, I have come to the point where I embrace the opportunity to "explain" myself.

 

Just a different thought. Not trying to undermine your question. I guess I have found that, for me, it is really hard to pull off the one sentence answer without being snarky and/or sounding defensive.

[HeatherLynn]

I think people regret asking me this question. I have recently read "Dumbing Us Down" & "Weapons of Mass Instruction" and after running through what I have learned from these books, usually people have their jaw on the ground. I have yet to have someone argue with me.

[Leanna Tomlinson]

:iagree:I agree with Cynthia. I can't give just a "one-liner".

 

Here's my usual.... "We started homeschooling in 1994 because our public school was having big problems and we didn't want to send our barely 5yo there. We never could have imagined the life of richness that homeschooling brought to our family. Our children are thriving under homeschooling. We just love it!" (now that our eldest dd is in college, it's really hard to argue with me ;))

 

The main thing is to say something like this with your eyes shining and face glowing the whole time. Just keep all of your comments positive and maintain a joyful countenance. They usually get jealous because I seem so excited.

 

If I get any arguments, I usually say, with an understanding smile...."I thought that too, at one point, but ..... " then continue to joyfully talk about your life.:)

 

It's hard to argue with joy and excitement!

HTH,

Leanna

[Tap]

I say "Call me sometime and we can discuss it, I find it hard to really explain our reasons in a short conversation. Especially if you are interested in pursuing it personally.....give me a call."

 

 

If they keep asking questions....just excuse yourself to the restroom whether you have to go or not.

[5KidzRUs]

I asked a woman - back in 1995 - why she homeschooled ... I thought she was nuts.

 

She gave a 3 hour answer and I have homeschooled - and been friends with her - ever since! LOL!

 

Moral: Be kind, you never know what blessing you could be spreading :o)

[Mom-ninja.]

:iagree: What I endeavour to do is make sure that the other person does not think I am wholesale condemning him for using an outside school. Sometimes that is what runs the other guy's engine ! (I may be reacting that way internally, but that is my private business !) (Anyway, dh and I always have held the perspective that one should try ones best to provide the "best match" education for each individual child. That may be homeschooling, that may be outside schooling.)

 

I've also said that. It's the best fit for my child at this particular time. Then I get the questions like: "Will you homeschool next year?"

"How long will you homeschool?"

"What about high school and the hard subjects?"

"Don't you want your own life?"

 

I don't like it when my dc are present and the other person says something like, "How can you stand to be around your kids all the time? I could never be with my kids so much." It's just sad.

 

Thanks for mentioning to just keep all my responses very cheerful and excited.

 

There's a couple women in particular that always bring it up, and they argue and argue with me. I just need to refuse to engage. I'm tired of it.

[Impish]

"Why do you homeschool"

"Flying monkeys"

 

They won't ask anymore. Trust me.

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

I've decided I need a passing-the-bean-dip comment about why I homeschool.

 

However, when I get the vibe that the person(s) asking is only looking for debate, and wants to defend why they chose ps, I'm just not interested.

 

So I need a one liner that leaves no room for comment/debate.

 

For use with annoying strangers only...

 

"I'm sorry... Have we met?"

 

:001_smile:

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

Even other homeschoolers have asked me why I homeschool.

 

Nobody makes public schoolers defend their choices.

 

Oh no! I'm annoying! :lol:

 

I do ask other homeschoolers why they homeschool but it's conversational. I'm not making anyone defend choices, just truly curious about the variety of motivation out there. I wouldn't think anything at all about another homeschooler asking me why I homeschool. I wouldn't even think much about a polite inquiry from a stranger. However, I agree with OP that sometimes you just get a vibe...and that's when to cut off all conversation with a one liner.

[stripe]

All questions that seem to you to imply that you're weird or making a mistake seem to start with a combative premise, and can be very hard to answer. (I once had a man I didn't know at all come up to me out of nowhere and demand to know why women don't go to heaven in my religion -- I was like, "Huh? Yes, we do," -- and then he wanted to get into some weird questions about sexuality, I decided to refer him to a nearby house of worship with a bookstore. I'm not talking about that with random people!)

 

However, as has been pointed out, you might not want to be too hostile because some people just don't know how to talk, and may be genuinely interested. It's a toughie. I think something along the lines of "It works for my family" might be a good statement because it's vague yet positive. You might gently ask if they would like more information, and invite them to use you as a reference. That way, someone who just wants to criticize will go away, and someone who may like to try it, feels welcomed.

[Ibbygirl]

I have to say, I think I must be fortunate where I live because nobody ever bothers me about homeschooling and the only people (strangers) who have asked me about it think it's a great idea. I can't remember ever have to defend my position. The worst that's ever happened is that I will be out somewhere with my dd during the day and they will ask her, "why aren't you in school?" and my dd answers them, "I'm homeschooled." and that's usually the end of it.

[specialmama]

"Why do you homeschool"

"Flying monkeys"

 

They won't ask anymore. Trust me.

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Here's the gist of something I've shared on another forum: it's a roundabout story, but makes the point. My son has a registered service dog, but his disability (servere classic autism) is not always obvious. Every single time we go out in public somebody stops us and asks us what the dog does. Why do we need the dog? It is tiresome, especially as outtings with my son are stressful enough to begin with. It's always the same. There's a strong temptation to be defensive, I always feel we are judged, stared at, misunderstood, etc. BUT... we are ambassadors. Many people have never seen a service or guide dog in person, and they may be genuinely curious. We are setting the stage for all future guide dog teams for this person. They may not remember that our dog had a purple coat with the words "National Service Dogs" on it, all they will remember is it was a guide dog. Period. If we mouth off, we are not helping the guide dog community. I want to foster a community of acceptance and understanding, so that the next guide dog this person encounters will be met with fond recollections of the person who chatted politely for a few minutes, sharing information.

In the same way, we are all ambassadors for homeschooling. I truly believe that if we all took the few minutes to kindly answer questions and share our passion, then there would be more openness and understanding, less people out there thinking "oh, homeschoolers are a bunch of grumpy weirdos" or some such thought, brought about by one interaction with a frenzied/defensive parent. When you (the homeschooler in general) go out in public, you are an ambassador for all homeschoolers, you are paving the way for others that come after you. You can choose to pave a smooth path, or a rocky one.

I for one, would have loved Mr. Smith to meet a courteous homeschooler before he met me at the supermarket. It would have saved me much time and effort doing damage control.

[Impish]

SpecialMama, this is why we go out together. YOU are the NICE one. Guess which one that makes me. *evil grin*

[OHGrandma]

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Here's the gist of something I've shared on another forum: it's a roundabout story, but makes the point. My son has a registered service dog, but his disability (servere classic autism) is not always obvious. Every single time we go out in public somebody stops us and asks us what the dog does. Why do we need the dog? It is tiresome, especially as outtings with my son are stressful enough to begin with. It's always the same. There's a strong temptation to be defensive, I always feel we are judged, stared at, misunderstood, etc. BUT... we are ambassadors. Many people have never seen a service or guide dog in person, and they may be genuinely curious. We are setting the stage for all future guide dog teams for this person. They may not remember that our dog had a purple coat with the words "National Service Dogs" on it, all they will remember is it was a guide dog. Period. If we mouth off, we are not helping the guide dog community. I want to foster a community of acceptance and understanding, so that the next guide dog this person encounters will be met with fond recollections of the person who chatted politely for a few minutes, sharing information.

In the same way, we are all ambassadors for homeschooling. I truly believe that if we all took the few minutes to kindly answer questions and share our passion, then there would be more openness and understanding, less people out there thinking "oh, homeschoolers are a bunch of grumpy weirdos" or some such thought, brought about by one interaction with a frenzied/defensive parent. When you (the homeschooler in general) go out in public, you are an ambassador for all homeschoolers, you are paving the way for others that come after you. You can choose to pave a smooth path, or a rocky one.

I for one, would have loved Mr. Smith to meet a courteous homeschooler before he met me at the supermarket. It would have saved me much time and effort doing damage control.

 

Thank you for your extra effort to educate people on service dogs. I have a niece who is blind and has a service dog. I never knew they were used for folks with autism, thanks for passing on that info.

 

Kleine, since it's a few repeat offenders, can you respond, "Haven't we had this discussion already?", then change the subject.

[Kathy in MD]

"We homeschool because we really LOVE our children!" :D

 

I hate to say this, but this comment would only escalate the situation, not defuse it. This statement is impling that the questionioner doesn't love his dc.

[Ibbygirl]

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Here's the gist of something I've shared on another forum: it's a roundabout story, but makes the point. My son has a registered service dog, but his disability (servere classic autism) is not always obvious. Every single time we go out in public somebody stops us and asks us what the dog does. Why do we need the dog? It is tiresome, especially as outtings with my son are stressful enough to begin with. It's always the same. There's a strong temptation to be defensive, I always feel we are judged, stared at, misunderstood, etc. BUT... we are ambassadors. Many people have never seen a service or guide dog in person, and they may be genuinely curious. We are setting the stage for all future guide dog teams for this person. They may not remember that our dog had a purple coat with the words "National Service Dogs" on it, all they will remember is it was a guide dog. Period. If we mouth off, we are not helping the guide dog community. I want to foster a community of acceptance and understanding, so that the next guide dog this person encounters will be met with fond recollections of the person who chatted politely for a few minutes, sharing information.

In the same way, we are all ambassadors for homeschooling. I truly believe that if we all took the few minutes to kindly answer questions and share our passion, then there would be more openness and understanding, less people out there thinking "oh, homeschoolers are a bunch of grumpy weirdos" or some such thought, brought about by one interaction with a frenzied/defensive parent. When you (the homeschooler in general) go out in public, you are an ambassador for all homeschoolers, you are paving the way for others that come after you. You can choose to pave a smooth path, or a rocky one.

I for one, would have loved Mr. Smith to meet a courteous homeschooler before he met me at the supermarket. It would have saved me much time and effort doing damage control.

 

 

That's awesome specialmama!! I always like to share what we do in our homeschool when people ask. They usually just have never met a homeschooler before and are curious what it's all about (IME) and after my telling them what we do, they usually are nodding their head in agreement and saying, "that's great!".

 

I feel you so much with going out with your special one! We just had a lot of fun together yesterday at the library while his sister was doing an activity for their summer program. I swear 45 minutes passes a lot slower when you're with an Autistic person! hehehehehe i actually got "shuushed" by an old school librarian... TWICE!! :rolleyes:

 

That is so cool that you got a dog!!! I never knew they did that for Autistic people!! How did you find out about it?? You can PM me back, I don't want to hijack (yet another) thread. :)

[Mom-ninja.]

"Why do you homeschool"

"Flying monkeys"

 

They won't ask anymore. Trust me.

 

 

 

Impish, I feel like crud today as I have a stomach bug from my ds. Yet despite the aches, chills, headache, fever, and bathroom trips, you made me laugh.

[Impish]

I'm sorry you feel so crappy, and I'm not hugging you cause I don't want anything to come oozing out if I squeeze wrong :ack2: but I'm glad I made you laugh.

 

*sprays puter with Lysol* :leaving:

[Joanne]

Here is a link to the blog post that started "Bean Dip" (now having moved several blogs):

 

http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=28

 

The Bean Dip response was written to provide firm, healthy boundaries around attachment parenting choices - and later, as my own kids grew into school aged (and weaned! ;)), homeschoooling.

 

I'm blessed in terms of homeschooling reactions and culture. I live in a part of Texas where homeschooling is common enough that most people know someone "normal" (at least culturally normal) who homeschools. By "normal", I mean families who are not examples of an exaggerated stereotype.

 

I've homeschooled a long time now. I used to assume negative intent and be mentally "ready" for a verbal battle. I've noticed that's not necessary. Most people are genuinely curious and without hostility. That said, most people do still have some old and - to me- tiresome ideas about what homeschooling is and what it isn't.

 

I have several "lines" I used depending on my read of the situation. The one I use most frequently is:

 

"I believe that parental involvement is key to any child's successful education. That's true in whatever setting you choose".

 

Others:

 

"I believe in educational choice"

 

"Homeschooling fits our family style"

 

"It's a choice I've spent hours researching. It's not something I can answer in a casual conversation."

 

"Homeschooling is a match for our educational and family goals".

 

 

2 somewhat common specific to issues responses I use are:

 

"Hm. I've been a part of the homeschooling community for 10 years and I've never met the kind of family you are talking about. If they existed in abudance, I'd agree it's an issue, but that's not my experience."

 

"Yes, over the years I've heard of situations when homeschooling wasn't working. That's true of any educational setting; not every option is a match for every child."

[jujsky]

"Why do you homeschool"

"Flying monkeys"

 

They won't ask anymore. Trust me.

 

:lol:

 

That is the funniest answer I've ever heard in my life!

[jujsky]

I've only (so far) had a couple of situations where the conversation began to feel uncomfortable, but I am all for answering the questions honestly. I usually tell them there are lots of reasons we made the decision, and then I go into what those reasons are. I do generally use the line, "At this point, we feel it is the best fit for our family," at some point in the conversation. In fact, I ended my conversation like that the couple of times it became uncomfortable. It's a fairly difficult statement to argue with. How can someone argue with how I feel at a certain point in my life, unless all they're trying to do is pick a fight? There are so many stereotypes about homeschooling, so there's always a chance I might be able to bust some of those myths if I'm passionate and self-assured when I discuss homeschooling. That's why I'd rather discuss it openly and risk the chance of dealing with some jerk because most people I've encountered aren't like that.

[gardening momma]

I don't like it when my dc are present and the other person says something like, "How can you stand to be around your kids all the time? I could never be with my kids so much." It's just sad.

In response to this type of comment, my plan is to say, "That's sad. I love being with my kids." :D

[Tammyla]

You could always try coughing and excuse yourself. ;) I'm not out to be the good will ambassador of homeschooling anymore, but I'm always polite. In my heart, I figure I don't need their approval to homeschool and they don't need mine to not. kwim?

[lionfamily1999]

In response to this type of comment, my plan is to say, "That's sad. I love being with my kids." :D

That one does floor me. I tend to just say, 'wow' and look shocked. Then, I change the subject, I don't want to hear someone trash their own child, that's just horribly depressing.

[Tea Time]

My favorite response is along these line:

 

"Oh, I have some material for you to read, then we can discuss it." (Cheerfully)

 

Actually, I only got to use it twice. On the first one, it stopped them dead, and they never asked again. After that there were never any questions, just sniper shots. *sigh*

 

On the second one, I gave her several things that were kind of low key. I only brought up John Taylor Gatto when I felt she was asking those kinds of questions. I knew she was a reader though, because her home was full of interesting books. She is now homeschooling her kids.

 

It is a good line for other things, too. It definitely leaves things open for anyone who is sincere. It tends to quiet other people who don't want to be called on the fact that they are really not interested enough to invest any work in it. It also lets them know that you are informed.

[OHGrandma]

*snarky answer alert*

 

...the other person says something like, "How can you stand to be around your kids all the time? I could never be with my kids so much." ...

 

"I know, I couldn't stand being with your kids all day either!"

[Rosie_0801]

I remember blaming everything I wasn't allowed to do, or didn't want to do on my mother when I was at school (at her suggestion, lol). "I'd love to, but Mum won't let me." No one ever argues with that.

Maybe:

"Why do you homeschool?"

"Because my husband said I can!"

 

I mean, who else do we need to please? Other than the government :)

 

Rosie

[Mom-ninja.]

thank you. I like your responses.

 

Here is a link to the blog post that started "Bean Dip" (now having moved several blogs):

 

http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=28

 

The Bean Dip response was written to provide firm, healthy boundaries around attachment parenting choices - and later, as my own kids grew into school aged (and weaned! ;)), homeschoooling.

 

I'm blessed in terms of homeschooling reactions and culture. I live in a part of Texas where homeschooling is common enough that most people know someone "normal" (at least culturally normal) who homeschools. By "normal", I mean families who are not examples of an exaggerated stereotype.

 

I've homeschooled a long time now. I used to assume negative intent and be mentally "ready" for a verbal battle. I've noticed that's not necessary. Most people are genuinely curious and without hostility. That said, most people do still have some old and - to me- tiresome ideas about what homeschooling is and what it isn't.

 

I have several "lines" I used depending on my read of the situation. The one I use most frequently is:

 

"I believe that parental involvement is key to any child's successful education. That's true in whatever setting you choose".

 

Others:

 

"I believe in educational choice"

 

"Homeschooling fits our family style"

 

"It's a choice I've spent hours researching. It's not something I can answer in a casual conversation."

 

"Homeschooling is a match for our educational and family goals".

 

 

2 somewhat common specific to issues responses I use are:

 

"Hm. I've been a part of the homeschooling community for 10 years and I've never met the kind of family you are talking about. If they existed in abudance, I'd agree it's an issue, but that's not my experience."

 

"Yes, over the years I've heard of situations when homeschooling wasn't working. That's true of any educational setting; not every option is a match for every child."

[Impish]

The flying monkeys comment works especially best if you make a point of carefully, even fearfully scanning the sky as you say it.

 

I believe that proper socialization of adults is a psychology experiment :D I do my best to mess with it. :D The best fun would be if someone dared to repeat it, and bring a second person over. I'm waiting for that to happen.

 

I have the scenario all worked out in my head. Something like this:

 

First woman: "Tell her what you said!"

Me, giving a blank stare: "I'm sorry?"

FW: "Tell her what you said about homeschooling and flying monkeys!"

Me, concerned: "Ma'am, are you quite all right?"

Second Woman: "She says you homeschool because of flying monkeys."

Me, taking a cautious step back from the two women, and eyeing them warily, as if expecting them to suddenly turn into flesh eating zombies,:" Reeeeallly now. How...interesting. Kids? We need to go. NOW!"

FW, getting a bit hysterical: "You did! You said, flying monkeys! You did! You did!"

 

Just doin my bit to add a bit of interest to a mundane day :D

[Ibbygirl]

The flying monkeys comment works especially best if you make a point of carefully, even fearfully scanning the sky as you say it.

 

I believe that proper socialization of adults is a psychology experiment :D I do my best to mess with it. :D The best fun would be if someone dared to repeat it, and bring a second person over. I'm waiting for that to happen.

 

I have the scenario all worked out in my head. Something like this:

 

First woman: "Tell her what you said!"

Me, giving a blank stare: "I'm sorry?"

FW: "Tell her what you said about homeschooling and flying monkeys!"

Me, concerned: "Ma'am, are you quite all right?"

Second Woman: "She says you homeschool because of flying monkeys."

Me, taking a cautious step back from the two women, and eyeing them warily, as if expecting them to suddenly turn into flesh eating zombies,:" Reeeeallly now. How...interesting. Kids? We need to go. NOW!"

FW, getting a bit hysterical: "You did! You said, flying monkeys! You did! You did!"

 

Just doin my bit to add a bit of interest to a mundane day :D

 

 

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: ROFL!!!!!

[martinswife]

I say "Personal convictions." Some knowingly nod their heads others scratch their heads. If this opens the door for me to share the gospel with somebody, then Amen! :)

 

Adriana

dd7

dd4

dd10mos

[WTMCassandra]

've tried, "It works best for my family." To that I got all sorts of replies, and some are negative and/or lead the way for the other person to argue. How can you argue when someone says it's best for them? I don't know, but people do.

 

Mostly, now I just give a small smile and turn my head when people start with the comments/arguements.

 

 

Seriously, what do they say? I can't picture how people can argue with that. Perhaps I can think of more ideas when I hear what they say to you.

 

If people are inviting you to an argument, don't accept the invitation. Seriously. Nod, smile, move away, change the subject, develop a need to use the restroom . . .

 

Sometimes I talk about how you can't beat the student-teacher ratio and smile. I also sometimes talk about how valuable it is for my children to work at their own pace. Further than that and the generic "It works well for our family" I do NOT go unless someone is genuinely interested.

[Mom-ninja.]

Seriously, what do they say? I can't picture how people can argue with that. Perhaps I can think of more ideas when I hear what they say to you.

 

If people are inviting you to an argument, don't accept the invitation. Seriously. Nod, smile, move away, change the subject, develop a need to use the restroom . . .

 

Sometimes I talk about how you can't beat the student-teacher ratio and smile. I also sometimes talk about how valuable it is for my children to work at their own pace. Further than that and the generic "It works well for our family" I do NOT go unless someone is genuinely interested.

 

I like your line about teacher-student ratio. :001_smile:

 

Let's see some responses to "It works best for my family" I've gotten.

 

"But how do you know what's best? I mean you're not a teacher."

 

"How do you know your son is learning what he's supposed to?"

 

"You think it's best now, but what about when he's older? How will he adjust?"

 

"What makes you think you keeping them at home is best?"

[Desert Rat]

I do try to answer their questions honestly. I, too, feel like an ambassador for homeschooling. If it does get confrontational or I hear a lot of "Oh, I could never do that...." then I just say that homeschooling works for us and it's not everyone's cuppa. I then change the subject. I usually ask what book their reading. It's my tried and true way of changing the subject when I'm a bit flustered.

If they seem really interested I let them know that I will bring them a typed up summary on why we homeschool, what method we use, other major methods, our curriculum and helpful websites. That way, I don't have to rehash our entire school life every time someone has a passing interest. I typed it up a couple years ago and update it at the beginning of each school year. It really has been a lifesaver for me. That way if they're just curious, I don't waste their time, or mine, going over various points.

HTH

[Sebastian (a lady)]

What I find is key in the bean dip approach isn't some great response that stops others in their track, but the unwillingness to concede that someone else's opinion should have a veto vote in my own family's homeschooling.

 

I am all for giving lots of answers to folks who ask. Most of the questions are genuine. They might not be based in fact or logic, but they aren't just gotcha attacks. Even questions about socialization and high school can have a short reply that shows that you have in fact thought about the issues.

 

When we started homeschooling, we lived in Germany, far from any concentration of US military. I quickly realized that when my responses were confident and detailed, that people gave me more slack than when they had been more subdued and defensive. I also realized that I might be the only open homeschooler that my conversation partners ever spoke to.

 

In my mind, bean dip is how you maintain relationships with parents, in-laws, distant aunts who want to keep having the same conversation over and over again. But there are so many of us who have benefited directly and indirectly from friends and strangers who were willing to discuss homeschooling.

 

I personally relish the conversations. Even the odd comments about not having patience (Trust me, I have developed habits of patience and grace through homeschooling, it isn't my natural forte at all. In fact, I'd say that learning to teach my kids has done been how God has worked to make me a more tolerant and less sarcastic person) or not wanting to be around one's kids (I think there are parent child relationships that might make homeschooling difficult. But I also think that the way to repair a relationship is often in investing a lot of time in it, not in spending most of your hours apart).

 

I also wanted to say how much I liked Joanne's last couple of responses. I have met a couple homeschoolers that I thought were just missing the boat. In one case, I wasn't sure if the mom felt that she had to homeschool and didn't know what to do or if there were issues of depression and mental health that weighed in as well. But for the most part, the homeschoolers I've been around care deeply about their children's welfare and education and invest a great deal of time and money in providing the best opportunities they can to their kids.

 

 

 

2 somewhat common specific to issues responses I use are:

 

"Hm. I've been a part of the homeschooling community for 10 years and I've never met the kind of family you are talking about. If they existed in abudance, I'd agree it's an issue, but that's not my experience."

 

"Yes, over the years I've heard of situations when homeschooling wasn't working. That's true of any educational setting; not every option is a match for every child."

[Jen in PA]

"Why do you homeschool"

"Flying monkeys"

 

They won't ask anymore. Trust me.

 

I was thinking of switching from my long, rambling response to simply answering "42," but I kinda like "Flying Monkeys" now that you've brought it up.

[skaterbabs]

"Why do you homeschool"

"Flying monkeys"

 

They won't ask anymore. Trust me.

 

 

The flying monkeys comment works especially best if you make a point of carefully, even fearfully scanning the sky as you say it.

 

I believe that proper socialization of adults is a psychology experiment :D I do my best to mess with it. :D The best fun would be if someone dared to repeat it, and bring a second person over. I'm waiting for that to happen.

 

I have the scenario all worked out in my head. Something like this:

 

First woman: "Tell her what you said!"

Me, giving a blank stare: "I'm sorry?"

FW: "Tell her what you said about homeschooling and flying monkeys!"

Me, concerned: "Ma'am, are you quite all right?"

Second Woman: "She says you homeschool because of flying monkeys."

Me, taking a cautious step back from the two women, and eyeing them warily, as if expecting them to suddenly turn into flesh eating zombies,:" Reeeeally now. How...interesting. Kids? We need to go. NOW!"

FW, getting a bit hysterical: "You did! You said, flying monkeys! You did! You did!"

 

Just doin my bit to add a bit of interest to a mundane day :D

 

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

That's great!

 

I usually just say, "Have you MET my children?!"

 

That generally stops them. Especially when I point out my youngest is reading on a 3rd grade level at five years old and doing first grade math, but if she were in public school she'd be in kindergarten. :tongue_smilie:She's very.... vivacious. Neither she nor her brothers do well in situations in which they are bored.

[Audrey]

I've decided I need a passing-the-bean-dip comment about why I homeschool.

 

I know there are times when a person may be asking me questions because they themselves are interested in the option of homeschooling. However, when I get the vibe that the person(s) asking is only looking for debate, and wants to defend why they chose ps, I'm just not interested. It's tiring, and frankly I don't want these discussions in front of my kids either.

 

So I need a one liner that leaves no room for comment/debate. I've tried, "It works best for my family." To that I got all sorts of replies, and some are negative and/or lead the way for the other person to argue. How can you argue when someone says it's best for them? I don't know, but people do.

 

Mostly, now I just give a small smile and turn my head when people start with the comments/arguements.

 

So how do you answer the question in a way that ends the conversation?

 

 

*sigh* With people who are looking to pick a fight with you, there is no bean-dip reply.

 

I keep it short and sweet when people ask. Usually it is "are you still hsing?" And I'll say yes. Or they ask, "What do you use for books and stuff?" And I'll reply that we use a mix of things, that there is a vast and growing selection of homeschooling curricula from which to choose."

 

If they insist on picking a fight anyway, then I will not hesitate AT ALL to pull out my big guns and point out that I spent years teaching university students to deconstruct Shakespeare among other things, and that not one single teacher or administrator at the town school has a PhD, but I sure do. Now's who's better qualified? I say it in the most condescending way I can possibly muster, just in case they don't get the point.

 

But, I'm not saying you should do something like that. I'm just a mean old witch. ;)

Edited June 17, 2009 by Audrey