C/C: Would this bother/embarrass you?

[Nestof3]

We house church, and there were about 6 families there yesterday. One of the teachings was about bearing false witness which led to discussion on lying and deception. My husband mentioned that to lead a person to believe that you were something you really were not is a form of deception.

 

One of the men said that his family had had a recent conversation about being content with the way God made you and how body enhancements fit in with that. He was referring to things like bOOk enlargements and said that even makeup could be discussed. He said it in a light-hearted way -- not condeming the wearing of it or anything, but rather encouraging women to embrace the unique way in which they are made.

 

For what it's worth, I do wear more makeup than any of the other moms there -- some wear a little eye makeup or a little lipstick, but I would say that I wear more. The teenage daughters do not wear makeup -- not that can be noticed anyway.

 

Okay, so I wanted to set the stage.

 

After the one Dad made that statement, my husband spoke up, "Well, if the barn needs painting, paint it." We heard a pastor years ago use that phrase. I was a little stunned by the remark, and by the time I looked up at others (we all sort of face one another), the conversation had changed. I did see one of the moms look at me a little wide-eyed, and I jokingly whispered, "He sure has a way with words."

 

What I really wanted to say, though, was "So where's your paint?"

 

Okay, that would not have been appropriate.

 

So, would you be embarrassed if it was your husband who said that?

[mazakaal]

Well, if the conversation was about makeup in general and not about you in particular, I would give dh the benefit of the doubt and assume that he was talking about women in general and not you in particular. And I'm guessing that he really didn't think before he spoke. A bit foolish perhaps, but not offensive. I could picture my own dh saying something like this and not even thinking that it could cause offense.

 

I say, mention it to dh in a lighthearted way and don't make a big deal of it.

[OnTheBrink]

A former associate pastor at my church once said the paint-the-barn phrase in front of his wife. I was so mortified for her and wanted to kick him in the shins. She didn't say anything, just had a smile frozen to her face.

 

I see nothing wrong with make up and wear it myself, but I think when a man says something like that, even in jest, it's disrespectful to his wife. And, I think it opens HIM up to just what you said, "Where is HIS paint?"

[Julie in Austin]

My guess is that your husband was trying to defuse (diffuse?) a potentially controversial situation (i.e., an argument over whether make-up is OK) with a little humor, but I think what he said was a little disrespectful to the women there, and, if it were my husband, I would ask him to apologize the next week. But YMMV.

[Nestof3]

My guess is that your husband was trying to defuse (diffuse?) a potentially controversial situation

 

My husband is actually not a mediator type and is fine with controversial topics. We all tend to discuss them a lot in our family and with others, so I do not think he was doing that.

 

I also do not think he was only referring to me -- he did mean it for all women.

 

Of course, I agree with him, or I wouldn't wear it. ;)

[Peek a Boo]

oh man, this is exactly something dh would say, lol!

 

I would probably retort w/ "and some of us just like a little extra trimwork...." with a big smile.

 

When people tell me "aw, you don't need makeup" i reply "yeah, but even a top notch Jaguar looks better w/ a nice paint job."

 

i do think the Really Cool Car analogy is a bit easier to swallow for most gals than a BARN :lol:

[*********]

Dawn, we house church, too!

 

Yes, I would've been embarrassed if my husband said that. But not, like, super embarrassed. We've both (dh and I) said things that came out wrong before during fellowship; that's 'cause we're human. Everyone understands. Try to let it roll off your back. I doubt that he meant it directed towards YOU. Frankly, I don't even know if my husband can tell the difference between when I am and am not wearing makeup, kwim? I wear very subtle, natural makeup when I do wear it. Perhaps, I dunno, if someone asked your husband if you 'painted' your face, he would say 'no'. I really think men and women define 'makeup' differently. Isn't it crazy how worked up some people can get about something so small (me included! :))

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't see anything mean or embarrassing in what he said. His analogy is not stating that women are barns or in anyway connected with barns! And his comment (which was borrowed anyway) doesn't mean that a woman's face has to be weathered and pitted like a barn's. . . All he's saying is that if you feel like it would enhance your appearance to put on some make-up then you should feel free to do so. And that it isn't a misrepresentation of who you are to do so. Having a reminder that God made us unique and that we can embrace that is a good one but I think your husband was just providing the counter-point to that thought.

[Tammy]

with the makeup comment, LOL. I guess some of those barns did need some paint, LOL! I wouldn't have been embarrassed at all....your dh sounds like a great guy!

[TXMomof4]

That is something I could easily see myself saying in a joking manner. So, I guess I couldn't be too irritated if dh said the same thing - as long as he didn't go on to describe what I look like first thing in the morning without the paint job. Then he would be wishing for a barn to sleep in!

[Spy Car]

My take? Your husband was trying to create "breathing room" for you and the other ladies, and taking a humorous stand against cultural values he didn't care to see enter his home (or his church). Or his home/church.

 

And, given your loveliness, the poor man didn't dream you'd take the comment as a criticism of you. He's got a beautiful barn, and I'm sure he knows it. It was "klutzy" in some ways, sure. But our gender has an incredible capacity to be "clueless", especially when we think were are being "heroic".

 

Bill

[Peek a Boo]

But our gender has an incredible capacity to be "clueless", especially when we think were are being "heroic".

 

yeah... and i think it's important to let the guys feel like they are being heroic, even if they bungle the attempt sometimes. :)

[Danestress]

Even though no one was really condemning makeup directly, he might have thought it was a little sensitive so he tried to create comic relief and let it be known to the group that he likes your make up.

[Spy Car]

yeah... and i think it's important to let the guys feel like they are being heroic, even if they bungle the attempt sometimes. :)

 

Most of us live for this (betraying the secrets of male-hood).

 

Make your man (and little men) feel like "heros" sometimes, and you'll have happy fellows.

 

Bill (I know, who's the hero for washing the cooking the meals, washing the dishes, cleaning the house, educating the children.....????? :lol:)

[dirty ethel rackham]

I would probably retort w/ "and some of us just like a little extra trimwork...." with a big smile.

 

When people tell me "aw, you don't need makeup" i reply "yeah, but even a top notch Jaguar looks better w/ a nice paint job."

 

 

 

Peek, I love your way with words!!

[Peek a Boo]

Bill (I know, who's the hero for washing the cooking the meals, washing the dishes, cleaning the house, educating the children.....????? :lol:)

 

hey --don't knock that! :tongue_smilie:

 

there are still several of us damsels who truly appreciate being rescued from the Garbage Monster, Mean Ol' Nasty Dust Bunnies, or the growing, evolving Stack of Dishes :D

 

{{and don't worry --there's a few of us gals that figger'd out the hero thing w/o needing to be told ;) }}

[Nestof3]

My take? Your husband was trying to create "breathing room" for you and the other ladies, and taking a humorous stand against cultural values he didn't care to see enter his home (or his church). Or his home/church.

 

And, given your loveliness, the poor man didn't dream you'd take the comment as a criticism of you. He's got a beautiful barn, and I'm sure he knows it. It was "klutzy" in some ways, sure. But our gender has an incredible capacity to be "clueless", especially when we think were are being "heroic".

 

Bill

 

Quite honestly, I can assure you he was not thinking this in the least. To quote him in a recent conversation, "a man has to settle for what he can get (in terms of beauty)."

[Spy Car]

hey --don't knock that! :tongue_smilie:

 

there are still several of us damsels who truly appreciate being rescued from the Garbage Monster, Mean Ol' Nasty Dust Bunnies, or the growing, evolving Stack of Dishes :D

 

{{and don't worry --there's a few of us gals that figger'd out the hero thing w/o needing to be told ;) }}

 

I'm not knocking it, in my gender-klutzy way I'm trying to acknowledge that the hard-work performed by women is too often under appreciated and insufficiently praised.

 

Pass the broom :tongue_smilie:

 

Bill

[Spy Car]

When people tell me "aw, you don't need makeup" i reply "yeah, but even a top notch Jaguar looks better w/ a nice paint job."

 

 

You were thinking Jaguar, and somehow I was thinking Cougar :D

 

 

:auto:

[Peek a Boo]

Quite honestly, I can assure you he was not thinking this in the least. To quote him in a recent conversation, "a man has to settle for what he can get (in terms of beauty)."

 

*sigh* yeah. So do we ;)

 

say the following w/ complete adoration and big blinking eyes:

"Some gals grab the first good-looking guy that comes along, but I held out and waited for YOU! I'm sooo lucky"

[dirty ethel rackham]

I'm not knocking it, in my gender-klutzy way I'm trying to acknowledge that the hard-work performed by women is too often under appreciated and insufficiently praised.

 

Pass the broom :tongue_smilie:

 

Bill

 

Oh Bill. You are gem. DH, who is quite handy with a mop and a pan, could take some lessons from you in the appreciation-praise department. <swoon>

[6packofun]

Well, I'd *want* to say, "Keep the barn door closed if you don't want to let the a$$es out, dear!" right back at hubby, but I probably wouldn't. OK, maybe I'd do a tamer version of it. ;)

 

But seriously, he sounds like he was trying to be funny or cute and it kinda wasn't. I'd just laugh it off. Although I wouldn't think he was making fun of me in particular, I'm the type who would keep mulling it over in my head afterwards and would probably need to ask him gently if he really thinks I need more paint. LOL

[HRAAB]

*sigh* yeah. So do we ;)

 

say the following w/ complete adoration and big blinking eyes:

"Some gals grab the first good-looking guy that comes along, but I held out and waited for YOU! I'm sooo lucky"

 

Do you really come up with these on the spur of the moment? What a talented lady.

 

My dh has made this same comment, but for him it was his way of defending women wearing make up. He'll just as quickly confess to coloring his beard so the 50 year old man can feel better among all the young 30 somethings. I really don't know how I'd feel if it had been directed at me. Men, or my man anyway, often puts his foot right in his mouth, but it's always for the best of reasons. I think I would have laughed it off because most barns (women) look better with a little paint.

 

Janet

[KidsHappen]

with the makeup comment, LOL. I guess some of those barns did need some paint, LOL! I wouldn't have been embarrassed at all....your dh sounds like a great guy!

 

That's how I would have interpreted it as well. Being as you said that you wear more make-up than some of the other women, I would have thought he was standing up for your decision. It didn't even dawn on me that there was another possible interpretation until you explained it and I am usually pretty sensitive to what my hubby says. On the other hand, the older I get, the less I care about what other people think. By the way, I think that you are beautiful and very youthful looking. I was shocked the first time I heard how old your children were. Whatever you are doing girl, it working so keep it up and try not to worry so much. :)

[WTMCassandra]

I agree with the others that your h probably meant well in a klutzy way. As for me, that remark would probably have elicited a sideways look and a wry, "Thanks, dear!"

[KidsHappen]

Quite honestly, I can assure you he was not thinking this in the least. To quote him in a recent conversation, "a man has to settle for what he can get (in terms of beauty)."

 

I can't even imagine what he could be thinking, hon. Really, you are my hubby's picture of ideal beauty. I would kill for your hair and most women half your age would give anything for your lovely complexion. And from your own descriptions you sound like you have a perfect figure, dress quiet nice and put a lot of effort into looking good for your hubby. I really don't want to speak out of turn, but if your hubby thinks that you are anything less than gorgeous perhaps a trip tot he eye dr. is in order? :tongue_smilie:

[Denisemomof4]

ya know, I just smiled when I read your post. Guys are just wired differently. Because of the wiring issue, we gals are the ones who could have an issue with what he said. But I always look at comments like that and realize that our wiring is different, and he meant no harm in it and move on.

 

We also home church and my good friend always gives her outspoken, but LOVING, husband The Look. I have the HARDEST time containing my laughter, and I usually let it right out. In fact, I can't think of a single time when I haven't. :tongue_smilie: I always make the same comment to her! I tell her, "Oh, Marinelle! I'm just SO embarrassed for you!!!" :D Of course I do NOT mean it, and it usually diffuses the situation.

:lol:

[Elaine]

My take? Your husband was trying to create "breathing room" for you and the other ladies, and taking a humorous stand against cultural values he didn't care to see enter his home (or his church). Or his home/church.

 

And, given your loveliness, the poor man didn't dream you'd take the comment as a criticism of you. He's got a beautiful barn, and I'm sure he knows it. It was "klutzy" in some ways, sure. But our gender has an incredible capacity to be "clueless", especially when we think were are being "heroic".

 

Bill

 

I completely agree!:001_smile:

[Nakia]

I don't really know what to say. If my husband said it, I would know he was trying to joke, and I would probably just come back with another joke. But that's just how we are! It sounds like you are in an entirely different situation. I don't understand what more your husband could ask for. You are a beautiful woman, and you seem like a great person!! :grouphug: I'm sorry...

[wagnfun]

You were thinking Jaguar, and somehow I was thinking Cougar :D

 

 

:auto:

 

 

ha ha ha-- The other night at dinner my hubby was telling me about this lawyer he had to work with. He said she wasn't bad looking just very fake in every California way possible. He went on to describe her as "almost 40 ya know a cougar" -- Being 38 he got a look from me as I do NOT think 40 is cougar age!!!

 

*** um, is it?? **

[Tammyla]

Dawn,

 

I'd be a little bothered and embarrassed. That is unless I knew he meant this in a very good way. Later in private, I'd let him know how to express himself in more flattering ways & words;).

 

 

We house church, and there were about 6 families there yesterday. One of the teachings was about bearing false witness which led to discussion on lying and deception. My husband mentioned that to lead a person to believe that you were something you really were not is a form of deception.

 

One of the men said that his family had had a recent conversation about being content with the way God made you and how body enhancements fit in with that. He was referring to things like bOOk enlargements and said that even makeup could be discussed. He said it in a light-hearted way -- not condeming the wearing of it or anything, but rather encouraging women to embrace the unique way in which they are made.

 

For what it's worth, I do wear more makeup than any of the other moms there -- some wear a little eye makeup or a little lipstick, but I would say that I wear more. The teenage daughters do not wear makeup -- not that can be noticed anyway.

 

Okay, so I wanted to set the stage.

 

After the one Dad made that statement, my husband spoke up, "Well, if the barn needs painting, paint it." We heard a pastor years ago use that phrase. I was a little stunned by the remark, and by the time I looked up at others (we all sort of face one another), the conversation had changed. I did see one of the moms look at me a little wide-eyed, and I jokingly whispered, "He sure has a way with words."

 

What I really wanted to say, though, was "So where's your paint?"

 

Okay, that would not have been appropriate.

 

So, would you be embarrassed if it was your husband who said that?

[battlemaiden]

Only you can really know his intentions, we can only guess.

 

As for that phrase? I hate it. I heard it for the first time last week. Paint on a barn? I keep thinking about ugly guys. What do they do? Let their barns chip, fray, and weather? I would think our husbands would want us to appreciate them regardless. It just irks me.

 

Jo

 

Btw- I do wear an item or two of make-up (eyeliner and maybe lipstick on a good day). After seven hungry nursing infants, you can bet I have considered augmentation- but if my husband said something like, "If the raft needs air, pump it up" I'd kick him higher than his shins.....

[gardening momma]

So, would you be embarrassed if it was your husband who said that?

No--I'd know that he was joking. I would, in a shocked, but not hurt, voice, address him by his full name and give him a good swat.

[Peek a Boo]

"If the raft needs air, pump it up"

 

BWAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

:lol:

[gardening momma]

After seven hungry nursing infants, you can bet I have considered augmentation- but if my husband said something like, "If the raft needs air, pump it up" I'd kick him higher than his shins.....

I'd say, cool! I'll get an appointment! Seriously. I'd love to. Not in the budget, though.

[MamaT]

My husband actually has made that comment. I did not take offense because I knew he wasn't trying to slam or embarrass me. He has said worse things without meaning to be offensive. :001_smile:

 

I did get a cosmetic "lift" after I got through nursing babies. The final straw was when my 3yo ds came into my room while I was dressing. He gave me a very strange look while I was putting on my bra and said, "pick it up mommy." I made an appointment the next day. It was one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

[unsinkable]

We house church, and there were about 6 families there yesterday. One of the teachings was about bearing false witness which led to discussion on lying and deception. My husband mentioned that to lead a person to believe that you were something you really were not is a form of deception.

 

One of the men said that his family had had a recent conversation about being content with the way God made you and how body enhancements fit in with that. He was referring to things like bOOk enlargements and said that even makeup could be discussed. He said it in a light-hearted way -- not condeming the wearing of it or anything, but rather encouraging women to embrace the unique way in which they are made.

 

For what it's worth, I do wear more makeup than any of the other moms there -- some wear a little eye makeup or a little lipstick, but I would say that I wear more. The teenage daughters do not wear makeup -- not that can be noticed anyway.

 

Okay, so I wanted to set the stage.

 

After the one Dad made that statement, my husband spoke up, "Well, if the barn needs painting, paint it." We heard a pastor years ago use that phrase. I was a little stunned by the remark, and by the time I looked up at others (we all sort of face one another), the conversation had changed. I did see one of the moms look at me a little wide-eyed, and I jokingly whispered, "He sure has a way with words."

 

What I really wanted to say, though, was "So where's your paint?"

 

Okay, that would not have been appropriate.

 

So, would you be embarrassed if it was your husband who said that?

 

Does this mean that some women are so ugly they need make-up?

 

I'd be mortified if that is what it means and my dh said it. I'd start to doubt that he is the man I thought he was --- a man who doesn't judge or classify women by their looks.

[Crissy]

if my husband said something like, "If the raft needs air, pump it up" I'd kick him higher than his shins.....

 

:lol:

[Nestof3]

{{and don't worry --there's a few of us gals that figger'd out the hero thing w/o needing to be told ;) }}

 

 

It's not that I haven't figured it out, it's that it truly doesn't happen. There is a difference.

[Nestof3]

Only you can really know his intentions, we can only guess.

 

As for that phrase? I hate it. I heard it for the first time last week. Paint on a barn? I keep thinking about ugly guys. What do they do? Let their barns chip, fray, and weather? I would think our husbands would want us to appreciate them regardless. It just irks me.

 

 

Well, my husband is 13 years older than I, and with an outdoor job, he does have much weathering of the skin. I just think it is different for guys.

[Nestof3]

I can't even imagine what he could be thinking, hon. Really, you are my hubby's picture of ideal beauty. I would kill for your hair and most women half your age would give anything for your lovely complexion. And from your own descriptions you sound like you have a perfect figure, dress quiet nice and put a lot of effort into looking good for your hubby. I really don't want to speak out of turn, but if your hubby thinks that you are anything less than gorgeous perhaps a trip tot he eye dr. is in order? :tongue_smilie:

 

Thanks for the kind words, but small pictures really are not that revealing. ;) I was the one all of the guys wanted to be best friends with, to hang out with, just not to marry. They all held out for someone more attractive (trust me -- I've been told this). My husband was older and already married before and a little more ready to settle (as he put it). Though I do speak of our blended family situation it often, I still think some people think I am Aaron's biological mom. I am only 36; Aaron is mine by marriage.

[Nestof3]

Thanks everyone. I remember when I first heard someone else say this, I laughed along. For some reason it was funny until I heard my own husband say it. Perhaps I am just being over-sensitive.

[Danestress]

Not because your husband said something that may have been a bit dunderheaded, but because I keep hearing you say that you are not beautiful and seem to feel that he doesn't find you beautiful.

 

On one had, most of us weren't princesses at 16 and aren't looking a whole lot better at 40. Most of us are lovely in our own ways, but aren't being approached by modeling agencies at the bank:) So we all have to come to terms with the fact that we aren't "the fairest in the land" and that we are either going to die or becoming increasingly wrinkled and grey.

 

On the other hand, Dawn, you really are lovely and you just seem really down on yourself. I want to come over to your house and make you stand in front of a mirror and say, "I am a very attractive woman AND the beloved daughter of the King of Kings" 25 times:)

Edited March 24, 2009 by Danestress

[Audrey]

We house church, and there were about 6 families there yesterday. One of the teachings was about bearing false witness which led to discussion on lying and deception. My husband mentioned that to lead a person to believe that you were something you really were not is a form of deception.

 

One of the men said that his family had had a recent conversation about being content with the way God made you and how body enhancements fit in with that. He was referring to things like bOOk enlargements and said that even makeup could be discussed. He said it in a light-hearted way -- not condeming the wearing of it or anything, but rather encouraging women to embrace the unique way in which they are made.

 

For what it's worth, I do wear more makeup than any of the other moms there -- some wear a little eye makeup or a little lipstick, but I would say that I wear more. The teenage daughters do not wear makeup -- not that can be noticed anyway.

 

Okay, so I wanted to set the stage.

 

After the one Dad made that statement, my husband spoke up, "Well, if the barn needs painting, paint it." We heard a pastor years ago use that phrase. I was a little stunned by the remark, and by the time I looked up at others (we all sort of face one another), the conversation had changed. I did see one of the moms look at me a little wide-eyed, and I jokingly whispered, "He sure has a way with words."

 

What I really wanted to say, though, was "So where's your paint?"

 

Okay, that would not have been appropriate.

 

So, would you be embarrassed if it was your husband who said that?

 

 

Yes. I would be embarrassed. I wouldn't like being compared to a barn. To me, that is hurtful -- perhaps unintended, but I would have been hurt by it nonetheless.

 

It's been a long hard road to build up my self-esteem and confidence in my looks. To have my own husband say something like that... well, that would hurt. I'm sorry.

 

FWIW, I think you are a beautiful girl. You have that kind of pretty face that a person notices right away. I'd kill for your gorgeous curly hair, and you have the kind of cute nose that people paid good money to have made for them. And don't you dare tell me that "small pictures are not that revealing." Beauty shines through those, too.

Edited March 24, 2009 by Audrey

[Spy Car]

It's not that I haven't figured it out, it's that it truly doesn't happen. There is a difference.

 

There's a way to preserve a "win" from this (I think).

 

I'd glide over to him with one of those hugs where you slide your left hand around his back, and the right hand rests on his heart, and you give him an adoring look (think Nancy and Ronnie) and you tell him how pleased with him you were that he stuck up for you when *Dave* made the comment about make up at home-church.

 

And holding a smile as many beats as you can before he opens his mouth, add "And if you ever compare me to a barn that needs paint again I'm going to kick you in the skins" [Hold big-smile, and adoring gaze].

 

Bill :D

 

What say you Peep? :tongue_smilie:

[Peek a Boo]

And holding a smile as many beats as you can before he opens his mouth, add "And if you ever compare me to a barn that needs paint again I'm going to kick you in the skins" [Hold big-smile, and adoring gaze].

 

Bill :D

 

What say you Peep? :tongue_smilie:

 

LOL! works for me ;)

[KidsHappen]

There's a way to preserve a "win" from this (I think).

 

I'd glide over to him with one of those hugs where you slide your left hand around his back, and the right hand rests on his heart, and you give him an adoring look (think Nancy and Ronnie) and you tell him how pleased with him you were that he stuck up for you when *Dave* made the comment about make up at home-church.

 

And holding a smile as many beats as you can before he opens his mouth, add "And if you ever compare me to a barn that needs paint again I'm going to kick you in the skins" [Hold big-smile, and adoring gaze].

 

Bill :D

 

What say you Peep? :tongue_smilie:

 

Perfect. Made me smile.

[KidsHappen]

Thanks for the kind words, but small pictures really are not that revealing. ;) I was the one all of the guys wanted to be best friends with, to hang out with, just not to marry. They all held out for someone more attractive (trust me -- I've been told this). My husband was older and already married before and a little more ready to settle (as he put it). Though I do speak of our blended family situation it often, I still think some people think I am Aaron's biological mom. I am only 36; Aaron is mine by marriage.

 

 

Dawn, you one of my favorites, hon. I've visited your website, know a little of your story and I have seen the big pictures. Honestly, you are a beautiful lady, think a very young Andie MacDowell. There are plenty of guys who would be just ga-ga over you and I think your hubby probably knows it and uses it to his advantage. You just need a little boost in the self-esteem department. Really.

[FlockOfSillies]

I'd be just as likely to say it myself, if I weren't busting a gut hearing my own dh say it. But that's just us. We're two peas from the same humor pod.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

We house church, and there were about 6 families there yesterday. One of the teachings was about bearing false witness which led to discussion on lying and deception. My husband mentioned that to lead a person to believe that you were something you really were not is a form of deception.

 

One of the men said that his family had had a recent conversation about being content with the way God made you and how body enhancements fit in with that. He was referring to things like bOOk enlargements and said that even makeup could be discussed. He said it in a light-hearted way -- not condeming the wearing of it or anything, but rather encouraging women to embrace the unique way in which they are made.

 

For what it's worth, I do wear more makeup than any of the other moms there -- some wear a little eye makeup or a little lipstick, but I would say that I wear more. The teenage daughters do not wear makeup -- not that can be noticed anyway.

 

Okay, so I wanted to set the stage.

 

After the one Dad made that statement, my husband spoke up, "Well, if the barn needs painting, paint it." We heard a pastor years ago use that phrase. I was a little stunned by the remark, and by the time I looked up at others (we all sort of face one another), the conversation had changed. I did see one of the moms look at me a little wide-eyed, and I jokingly whispered, "He sure has a way with words."

 

What I really wanted to say, though, was "So where's your paint?"

 

Okay, that would not have been appropriate.

 

So, would you be embarrassed if it was your husband who said that?

 

Nope. That phrase is so common in conservative evangelical circles as to lose its sting for me. Something to chuckle over, nothing to take personally. JMO.

 

If his intention was to insult you, then certainly you should take offense. If it was an unintentional misstep, then I would give grace and proactive forgiveness.