OK--deep breath--Any natural libido enhancers for women?

[Chris in VA]

Feeling a little...unmotivated. Liking coffee better than TEA. Would like to want to...y'know...more often than once a month.

 

Natural would be good--no problems in the...physical "getting ready" side of things, just "don't wanna" as much anymore.

[beansprouts]

Exercise ;)

[Rich with Kids]

Shake things up a bit.

 

Get some new jammies. They don't have to be comfortable.

Take a bath together.

Play a card game for "consequences". :w00t:

Coconut oil can be fun. :D

Scavenger Hunts :auto:

 

Sometimes I won't necessarily be in the mood, but planning things helps me a bunch. The anticipation of the new stuff helps me look forward to it.

 

We text a lot. Sometimes with pics. (Use common sense here. Delete, delete, delete)

[LaxMom]

I guess it would depend on the actual cause of the lower libido. Is it just one of those marital lulls? Are you stressed? If you are perimenopausal, it could be to decreased estrogen. In that case, you would want to look for things that enhance estrogen production.

dong quai (the Chinese angelica cultivar), hops, ginseng would all be excellent tonics (though angelica should be avoided during menstruation or pregnancy). Most herbalists prefer teas or tintures over capsules.

 

But really, you should look to the cause before trying to seek a solution.

[Pretty in Pink]

Shake things up a bit.

 

Get some new jammies. They don't have to be comfortable.

Take a bath together.

Play a card game for "consequences". :w00t:

Coconut oil can be fun. :D

Scavenger Hunts :auto:

 

 

LOLOLOL

[beansprouts]

We text a lot. Sometimes with pics. (Use common sense here. Delete, delete, delete)

 

AND MAKE SURE YOU DIAL THE RIGHT PHONE NUMBER!!!

 

A few weeks ago dh recieved a picture message of a woman pulling her shirt up (she was wearing a bra). A moment later he recieved a text that said:

 

"Whoever this is I am So sorry! Wrong number!" :lol:

 

(That wasn't you was it???)

[Rich with Kids]

AND MAKE SURE YOU DIAL THE RIGHT PHONE NUMBER!!!

 

A few weeks ago dh recieved a picture message of a woman pulling her shirt up (she was wearing a bra). A moment later he recieved a text that said:

 

"Whoever this is I am So sorry! Wrong number!" :lol:

 

(That wasn't you was it???)

 

:leaving:

 

My DH got a text from one of his buddies that said, "I can't stop thinking about you this morning." He texted him back and told him, "Thanks, but I don't like you like that, man." Turns out it was supposed to go to his buddies wife. :lol:

Edited December 30, 2008 by Rich with Kids
funny story

[beansprouts]

Seriously, I do feel much more "into it" when I feel good about myself. When I am eating well, and exercising my interest definitely increases.

[Joanne]

Enough sleep

Quality food

Help with the kids, the - preferably from the person you'd like tea with

 

I've also found that playful affection throughout the day helps.

 

Actually "starting to brew tea" usually makes me want more.

 

And tea creates the desire for tea.

[Laura K (NC)]

P*rn for New Moms

 

I saw it at the local bookstore a few weeks ago. It isn't p*rn at all, but, as one reviewer said, "it is pictures of guys doing generous things for their wives." The guys are easy on the eyes, but really, they have all their clothes on, and what's really attractive is what they are saying and doing.

 

It was funny... I was in the store looking at it and I showed it to my husband. He got as defensive about the book as I would have if he had showed me an actual p*rn magazine in admiration for the women in there. Perfection, even fictional perfection, is very attractive (and threatening, too, apparently, :lol)

 

Nothing gets me in the mood better than an overachieving husband. *sigh*

[caitlinsmom]

If you want an herbal supplement (cause a lot of time its lack of nutrients that can cause us issues) I am....uh.... finding good results with X-Action for women by Natures Sunshine. I am taking it for other reasons but this is sure a great side effect. (Its actually for lack of issues) X Action

[hornblower]

Try a good lubricant, like astroglide, throughout the day. Just a dab will do ya! Reapply after using the washroom.

 

The other thing is to just start, even if you don't feel like it. I heard one of the La Leche League founding leaders talk about it at a conference one year & she said it's sometimes like swimming in the ocean. At the beginning, it might not seem like a good idea, it might not feel nice at all, but if you keep going and persevere, you'll find you start enjoying yourself, and when it's over, you'll be very glad you did.

[Doran]

...it is letting go of having to be in the mood. Do I wish I could be rarin' to go more often? You betcha! Am I? Well, no. But, I have been working on the premise of "fake it til you make it", and it has made some real differences. Honestly, the longer you abstain, the greater the disconnect between you and your dh likely becomes. So, you set up a negative cycle. I'm not suggesting that you go against your will, or fake the whole encounter. Not at all. Just letting you know that sometimes I have to get in the mood in the process of getting in the mood, iykwim.

 

The other suggestions here are excellent. Go back and read the infamous "tea" thread, too. There were some good ideas in those pages, not to mention a few good laughs. :)

[Rich with Kids]

Try a good lubricant, like astroglide, throughout the day. Just a dab will do ya! Reapply after using the washroom.

 

 

 

For some reason, the word Astroglide always reminds me of the scene in Christmas Vacation when Clark puts the lubricant on the saucer...

[Tami]

Yes, exercise and a good diet. Also, remembering your se*y self by getting regular haircuts and cute clothes. Generally feeling attractive myself, seems to help thing along nicely. If your general health is poor, it will affect your libido. I am assuming that all is well in the relationship department, or you wouldn't be posting that you WANT to improve this area! :D If there are relational issues, than all this is moot - the emotional intimacy must be repaired.

 

Some practical things:

 

*Spending time doing a hobby together - if you don't, take something new up together. Bonding together through recreation is a super turn-on pver time. Be each other's best recreational buddy!

 

*Spend time in the evening cuddled up in close proximity. Don't spend all night doing separate things in separate rooms, but create real, physical closeness by cudding up on the couch and watching a movie or reading to each other. Back rubs and foot massage is great (with nothing else expected necessarily). A few nights of cuddling and pampering will likely leave you feeling more amorous!

 

*In general, the more reluctant partner should pick the time of day and the, ahem, soup de jour! If that is you, you take the lead on when and how. Make sure it is fun for YOU, and that it's at a time of day when you are energized. What is good for the mama is good for the papa, because the less reluctant partner can pick how often, if it is reasonable. :lol:

 

I am going to recommend a book to you: Is There Really Sex After Kids?

 

All the best wishes for a very HAPPY New Year!

[Tami]

...it is letting go of having to be in the mood.

 

I generally agree with this. Let go of having to be "in the mood." Instead, go for "relaxed and willing." It is important that emotional intimacy is already there, and there is no pressure, just a general pleasant atmosphere of "let's see what happens!" Most women start with their engines quite cold, and find that we warm up as we go along.

 

I also find that scheduling days for "tea," as unromantic as it sounds, helps me gear up for it. On those days, you can beginning mentally thinking of it, using any appropriate bath or other products, getting candles or whatever in the room, buying wine or other sumptuous treat, and wear appealing undergarments! It is fun to take the lead and take charge of the evening - and I am quite sure you will have a willing and enthusiastic tea partner. :D

 

Of course there is balance here. No need for self-imposed martydom in this area! Open communication is the key. As the other poster said, I would NEVER fake it, since it will only be counterproductive in the end.

[Chris in VA]

Thanks for the laughs, the advice, the understanding. I agree with what you all have said--good reminders to fake til ya make, be good to myself, exercise, more begets more, etc. Off to find that X herbal stuff, just for insurance.

 

Really, thanks everyone. I felt a little silly posting about such a subject on a homeschooling board. Y'all mean a lot to me.

[Janet in Toronto]

If my sweetheart pours me a little portion of Bailey's Irish Cream around 9 pm, I'm there.

[Julie in CA]

For some reason, the word Astroglide always reminds me of the scene in Christmas Vacation when Clark puts the lubricant on the saucer...

Lol! Actually, I automatically think of...was it "Astro-dog"? On the Jetsons, 'ya know?

:D

[phathui5]

I'm with Joanne on this. The more tea I drink, the thirstier I tend to be :)

 

Maybe you could have two weeks where you aim for every other day and see how you're feeling after that

[Chris in VA]

Rrutt-Rro!

 

lol

[homeschoolin'mygirls]

not only if I feel connected as a person to my dh (as opposed to just part of a parenting pair), but if we add sensual touches thru the day. Not what you're thinking!

Back rubs, holding hand, stroking the others hair. I find that touching helps me remember the joy of well, further touching. I know it sounds silly, but I forget sometimes. And when we do have teA, I wonder why I forgot!

[mommaduck]

If my sweetheart pours me a little portion of Bailey's Irish Cream around 9 pm, I'm there.

 

Captain & Coke here

[KidsHappen]

"fake it til you make it"

 

 

I first heard Kelli use this expression in the context of this subject and to tell you the truth I very much resented the idea when I first heard it. However, I can tell you now that this has been one of the most helpful things I have done. There are times when this fails to get me really rarin' to go but my husband is so incredibly grateful that it makes it worth it anyhow. It also has really increased the feelings of closeness between us. A year ago we were really struggling in this department and had been for about five years. It had reached a point where I thought that the issue would never be resolved. Now there are times when my hubby is the one begging for mercy. It turns out that it is just as hard to slow me down as it is to get me going. Inertia and all I guess.

 

Another extremely important thing is the state of your hormones. Birth control pills will shut me down. Doesn't matter what kind. I have experimented with this many times and it always causes problems. When I am on birth control pills, not only am I not interested, I actively resent my husband's interest. You don't actually have to be on the pill to have these problems. The natural state of your hormones can be so far out of whack that it causes the same symptoms. Not only do you have to have enough estrogen and testosterone, they have to be in the balance. You really need testing for this and most dr.'s are reluctant to do this so you have to find one that will work with you. A good book that deals with this subject is Screaming to be Heard by Elizabeth Vliet.

 

Other health issues can cause problems as well. You need to get a complete physical and make sure that you do not have an thyroid, adreal, pain, depression or other issues that could be effecting your interest levels.

 

One finally thing is, gingko has some research support for helping in this area but you have to take it consistently and for at least six months and the results are not dramatic so I am not sure that it is worth it.

 

All of the suggestions that you have received from others are good as well and this is one of those cases where trying all of them at the same time couldn't hurt. I wish you the best of luck in your efforts in this matter.

[Carol in Cal.]

Being in a pretty warm but not hot house.

[Tammy]

nt

[Denisemomof4]

...it is letting go of having to be in the mood.

 

I absolutely agree. Dh and I came to a place where we had to put effort into things, after enjoying effortless tea time for 22 yeasrs. :001_smile: We have an adopted daughter who can be draining, and are also taking care of two ailing parents. I just lost my dad in August. We also have much of our time consumed taking care of ill siblings. Time is short and tea time is neglected..... but we've decided that it's biblical to share our bodies regardless, and we both oblige most of the time. If you don't want biblical advice, just remember that the two become one, so your body is his/his body is yours. If you both just give it a go, you both will reap the benefits. :001_smile:

 

I absolutely LOVED that tea thread. :D Think I'll go look it up again since the girls fell asleep and the guys are watching an incredibly boring movie. The storm cancelled our New Year plans and I logged on looking for steamy topics!!!:ohmy:

[Audrey]

P*rn for New Moms

 

I saw it at the local bookstore a few weeks ago. It isn't p*rn at all, but, as one reviewer said, "it is pictures of guys doing generous things for their wives." The guys are easy on the eyes, but really, they have all their clothes on, and what's really attractive is what they are saying and doing.

 

It was funny... I was in the store looking at it and I showed it to my husband. He got as defensive about the book as I would have if he had showed me an actual p*rn magazine in admiration for the women in there. Perfection, even fictional perfection, is very attractive (and threatening, too, apparently, :lol)

 

Nothing gets me in the mood better than an overachieving husband. *sigh*

 

 

Oh. My! That is so true!

 

Before I was married, I'd have said that was nuts, but really... I don't want roses and baubles. I don't even want declarations of undying devotion.

 

... now... when dh goes out of his way to fill the van with gas for me, or when he brings me a cup of real tea for no reason, or if I come home and find out that he's has vaccuumed or washed the kitchen floor... oh that man is gettin' some! :D

[Frontier Mom]

Coming in late, but I find what I am reading can really enhance the need for tea. When I am into a great romance, my emotions just naturally go that way. For instance, I have been reading the "Twilight" series and my kiddos kid me that my dh is my own vampire! I realize just how important he is to me and how faithful he has always been. Reading love stories just makes me thankful of the guy I married and, well the rest just happens....

[homeschoolmom]

Seriously, I do feel much more "into it" when I feel good about myself. When I am eating well, and exercising my interest definitely increases.

 

:iagree:

[threeturn]

Another extremely important thing is the state of your hormones. Birth control pills will shut me down.

 

I recently had my IUD with hormones removed, and we are now using NFP. It has made a HUGE difference in my "want to". DH has commented on it a number of times. Of course there is irony there. We are limited to only a couple of weeks a month, but boy are they good ones.

[Lovedtodeath]

A good book with a sexy hero works well for me.

 

You could also need a number of things nutritionally. Many are found in Formula IV which is proven to raise hormone levels and got me off of several prescriptions for said hormones.

[mycalling]

 

L-Tyrosine works great for some, not at all for others. Worked great for me...I have a cutie 5mo to prove it!:blushing:

[BabyBre]

I know it's been said, but it's worth reiterating.

 

Exercise.

[Mom2boys]

Chris, thanks for being brave enough to start this thread. Lots of good suggestions here. Romantic movies always help me. Have you watched "Pride and Prejudice" lately? ;)

[Julpost]

This song? It certainly works wonders for me:

 

 

[stripe]

Liking coffee better than TEA.

 

Maybe one thing leads to another?

 

Coffee 'boosts female sex drive'

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4628070.stm

[tibbyl]

Well-written erotica, perhaps with illustrations.

[Jenny in Atl]

Well-written erotica, perhaps with illustrations.

 

or nice photographs... ;)

[stephanie]

Feeling a little...unmotivated. Liking coffee better than TEA. Would like to want to...y'know...more often than once a month.

 

Natural would be good--no problems in the...physical "getting ready" side of things, just "don't wanna" as much anymore.

 

I just asked my Dr. about this. She offered a bit of advice,but I wanted things that came a bit more natural. Thanks for posting this. I can add that dh and I have just started having tea in different locations in the house. It's been kinda funny, and we giggle a lot, but it does spice things up a bit.

[sagira]

Taking notes...

[Dooley]

I get the gist and all, but does it stand for something in particular?

 

We have also had major problems in this area. Thanks for this thread!

[texascamps]

I know hormones will affect libido. A slow thyroid has long been known to affect desire. Also, as we age, and our testosterone/estrogen/progesteron levels change so can our libido.

 

I was thinking of seeing an endocrinologist, not to enhance my libido but to figure out why I have a great one. Everytime I'm pregnant, I chase my dh all day and night. He loves it.....So I was hoping the Endo could do a hormone panel to see what was up and down, bottle it, so I can keep levels the same when I am no longer PG!

 

I've known friends who have gotten testorone cream and shots to help increase their libido. Also, use of progesterone creams, has helped a few friends.

 

 

And get off the birth control pills.....a known cause of a sluggish libido...as my doctor says, they bind up your sex hormones.

[Dooley]

My OBGYN says it swells your...you know... if you use too much. He said he had a lady whose nether regions looked like he had an orangutan on his exam table. Watch out!

[texascamps]

My OBGYN says it swells your...you know... if you use too much. He said he had a lady whose nether regions looked like he had an orangutan on his exam table. Watch out!

 

:lol::lol:

I'm thinking its important to get a prescription and follow it accordingly......

[Rich with Kids]

My OBGYN says it swells your...you know... if you use too much. He said he had a lady whose nether regions looked like he had an orangutan on his exam table. Watch out!

 

:lol: