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DS has caused a ruckus …

Ann.without.an.e

By Ann.without.an.e,
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Ann.without.an.e

Ann.without.an.e

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One of our older neighbors down the road  has allowed his drunk brother to move in. He walks up and down the road, back and forth from a convenience store about a mile away where he get/drinks IceHouse by the loads. We’ve even seen him laying out on the front lawn passed out. DS has been over it - the way he litters everywhere along the way. Our whole road is full of empty Ice House bottles. Today he went and gathered a bunch of them, pulled over to the side and tossed the bag of bottles into the neighbor’s yard and then drove off. It wasn’t a few minutes later that the neighbor came driving down the road looking for the car that did this and he stopped at our house and asked whose car it was. He told me what happened and how he doesn’t appreciate someone tossing trash in his yard. I was super calm and apologized and said “he’s just been so fed up with all of your brother’s trash along the road and he’s 21, he’s just trying to stop it and his methods may lack maturity.” He said he wants DS to go pick them up. DS says no way in h*ll and that he already picked them up for them once and delivered them there and they should be thankful. DS isn’t actually super angry as much as he feels like it is a situation that someone has to deal with and that this sends the message to please take care of your own trash. 
 

I don’t even know what to think. I tried to diffuse it the best I could and the  neighbor seemed calmer when he left than when he showed up.

ETA: neighbor doesn’t deny that it’s his brother’s trash. He said he knows it’s a problem. 

Edited by Ann.without.an.e
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Grace Hopper

Grace Hopper

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Any chance it’s like the old days? Like when I could collect pop bottles for recycling and earn a few bucks?

IF ds is willing to collect and clean them up, he may find that he could sell them to hobbyist home beer brewers. 
 

Or (if he were me) he could just leave ‘em where he tossed them (this particular batch, I mean). 

Edited by Grace Hopper
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Ann.without.an.e

Ann.without.an.e

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6 minutes ago, Grace Hopper said:

Any chance it’s like the old days? Like when I could collect pop bottles for recycling and earn a few bucks?

IF ds is willing to collect and clean them up, he may find that he could sell them to hobbyist home beer brewers. 
 

Or (if he were me) he could just leave ‘em where he tossed them (this particular batch, I mean). 


Nah, not an option. These are the large plastic 40 ounce bottles like soda bottles. 

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Ann.without.an.e

Ann.without.an.e

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I truly see both sides here. Yes it’s super annoying and he should be responsible for his trash. I hate the litter. 
But our neighbor isn’t the one doing it and his brother is such a burden on him already. I feel bad for him.

DS’s reply to this is “you’re responsible for your house guests if they’re trashing things.”

DS has always been way more stubborn/determined and cared far less about what others think or their feelings than me. It’s been a fun ride raising that one 😜

Edited by Ann.without.an.e
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Annie G

Annie G

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Posted

I’ve seen people gather dog poop that an owner doesn’t get when they walk the dog…put it in a bag on the owner’s porch.  Does the owner demand the person come dispose of the dog’s poop? nope. same thing here. 
Having said that, I’d definitely tell ds to be very careful in case the alcoholic retaliates. Like calling the cops saying he’s driving reckless, vandalizing his car, or whatever.  Like I might go as far as to accompany ds to the police station and tell them what he did and why so they have a heads up. In our small town that would be welcomed by law enforcement but I know it’s not like that everywhere. 

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SKL

SKL

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I feel kinda sorry for the homeowner.  I guess if he could control his brother's behavior, he would.

I get that the neighborhood is annoyed, but it is not really necessary to make this kind of statement.  I wouldn't make son go pick it up, but for the future, I'd advise him to let it go.  There are more worthy causes to take up IMO.  Maybe it would be of value to do some research into why people like the brother get into these messes and what, if anything, we can do about the root causes.  And if the conclusion is that we can't ... then maybe give some grace to others who also can't fix this.

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Ann.without.an.e

Ann.without.an.e

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4 minutes ago, SKL said:

I feel kinda sorry for the homeowner.  I guess if he could control his brother's behavior, he would.

I get that the neighborhood is annoyed, but it is not really necessary to make this kind of statement.  I wouldn't make son go pick it up, but for the future, I'd advise him to let it go.  There are more worthy causes to take up IMO.  Maybe it would be of value to do some research into why people like the brother get into these messes and what, if anything, we can do about the root causes.  And if the conclusion is that we can't ... then maybe give some grace to others who also can't fix this.

This is about the exact sentiment I’ve expressed to DS. 
 

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Ann.without.an.e

Ann.without.an.e

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Y’all are making me feel a little less awful about it all. Thank you ❤️

I don’t think this neighbor will react other than to be upset and get over it but DS does need to be careful about escalating things. 

He says it’s not a factor but he’d just gotten home from a MRI with enterography and there were like 3 different contrasts - one to drink and two in an IV and he just seemed agitated overall. I think he was just feeling off and reacted 😑. Not wise. 

Edited by Ann.without.an.e
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KSera

KSera

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Are the bottles all contained in a garbage bag? If they are, it seems like your ds overall did a positive thing. He cleaned up the street, and all the neighbor has to do is dispose of the bag of bottles. Now, if neighbor doesn't know or think that the bottles originated from someone living on his property, it would make sense he would find this offensive and inappropriate to have a bag of them left in his yard. If he does know they originate from his brother, who lives at his house, disposing of the bag in his recycling or garbage can seems like a simple thing and your ds saved someone else a lot of work of picking them all up.

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pinball

pinball

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Posted

https://verdictsearch.com/verdict/man-said-neighbor-shoved-him-off-porch-during-fight-over-litter/

 

https://www.wfaa.com/article/news/local/north-texas-allen-woman-says-run-over-by-neighbor-amid-feud-over-trash/287-d823ce79-7a99-4d2c-b47e-d52856e512b0


https://www.bigcountryhomepage.com/crime/murder-or-self-defense-trial-for-father-son-accused-of-killing-neighbor-over-trash-in-alley-begins-in-abilene/

 

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Scarlett

Scarlett

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22 minutes ago, pinball said:

https://verdictsearch.com/verdict/man-said-neighbor-shoved-him-off-porch-during-fight-over-litter/

 

https://www.wfaa.com/article/news/local/north-texas-allen-woman-says-run-over-by-neighbor-amid-feud-over-trash/287-d823ce79-7a99-4d2c-b47e-d52856e512b0


https://www.bigcountryhomepage.com/crime/murder-or-self-defense-trial-for-father-son-accused-of-killing-neighbor-over-trash-in-alley-begins-in-abilene/

 

Join the real world not the headline world.

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pinball

pinball

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So I slept on this and I still think I’m absolutely right.

If the thread was titled: Should my young adult child pick up beer cans that the DRUNK neighbor litters the neighborhood With as  as he stumbles back and forth (WHILE DRUNK) to the mini-mart…

then DUMP THOSE CANS ON DRUNK NEIGHBOR’S LAWN…

Who, who has any inkling of preservation, would answer: “YES, GREAT IDEA!” ?

 

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Ann.without.an.e

Ann.without.an.e

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43 minutes ago, pinball said:

So I slept on this and I still think I’m absolutely right.

If the thread was titled: Should my young adult child pick up beer cans that the DRUNK neighbor litters the neighborhood With as  as he stumbles back and forth (WHILE DRUNK) to the mini-mart…

then DUMP THOSE CANS ON DRUNK NEIGHBOR’S LAWN…

Who, who has any inkling of preservation, would answer: “YES, GREAT IDEA!” ?

 

 

Oh, it was a horrible idea lol. I haven't disagreed with that. It just is what it is and now what do I do except stay out of it?

 

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elegantlion

elegantlion

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13 minutes ago, Ann.without.an.e said:

 

Oh, it was a horrible idea lol. I haven't disagreed with that. It just is what it is and now what do I do except stay out of it?

 

Considering the problem drinker is a relative of your neighbor and not the homeowner, I feel like your son's tactic was not over the top. You explained your stance and if you've never had problems with this neighbor, he may simply be defensive because he's sick of his relatives level of drinking too. I can see my son talking about doing something like that. I would caution him to not escalate, that he made his point. Your ds also seems willing to own his actions as well. 

 

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pinball

pinball

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Hard “no” on the non-drinking brother being a reasonable person!

A reasonable person would not have gone looking for the person who put the bottles/cans back on his lawn…KNOWING THEY BELONGED TO HIS BROTHER.

A reasonable person also would not have WANTED SOMEONE ELSE TO PICK UP AFTER HIS BROTHER.

🙄

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stephanier.1765

stephanier.1765

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34 minutes ago, pinball said:

Hard “no” on the non-drinking brother being a reasonable person!

A reasonable person would not have gone looking for the person who put the bottles/cans back on his lawn…KNOWING THEY BELONGED TO HIS BROTHER.

A reasonable person also would not have WANTED SOMEONE ELSE TO PICK UP AFTER HIS BROTHER.

🙄

I totally agree with this. I would have been embarrassed had I been the one with the drunk relative and someone dumped the bottles on my lawn. I, either would make sure my idiot relative no longer did such a thing,  or started keeping the area clean myself. Best case, I would kick the son of a gun to the curb but maybe neighbor is hoping to save the relative from himself.

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SKL

SKL

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11 minutes ago, stephanier.1765 said:

I totally agree with this. I would have been embarrassed had I been the one with the drunk relative and someone dumped the bottles on my lawn. I, either would make sure my idiot relative no longer did such a thing,  or started keeping the area clean myself. Best case, I would kick the son of a gun to the curb but maybe neighbor is hoping to save the relative from himself.

I would have been embarrassed, but I wouldn't have liked the neighbor kid's actions either.  I don't know this guy, but maybe he thought talking to his neighbors would help them see him as a human and treat him as such.

I don't think it's his responsibility to go around the neighborhood picking up after his brother ... unless he is in an official carer relationship for which he should be getting paid.

It's hard to picture myself going around the neighborhood picking up my drunk sibling's garbage.  The thought seems dehumanizing.

I also understand that the neighbors aren't happy with the situation.  I think maybe the drunk should be fined for littering.

Most likely, this is the tip of the iceberg for the "sober brother."  And I don't think it's easy to think about kicking one's sibling out without another place to go.  I really don't know what I'd do if I had a family member in that situation, so I find it difficult to judge this situation.

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TechWife

TechWife

Posted
Posted (edited)
22 hours ago, Ann.without.an.e said:

I truly see both sides here. Yes it’s super annoying and he should be responsible for his trash. I hate the litter. 
But our neighbor isn’t the one doing it and his brother is such a burden on him already. I feel bad for him.

DS’s reply to this is “you’re responsible for your house guests if they’re trashing things.”

DS has always been way more stubborn/determined and cared far less about what others think or their feelings than me. It’s been a fun ride raising that one 😜

Your ds is right. Since he’s 21 can you bow out of the conversation and tell neighbor he’s welcome to come talk to ds when he’s home? I don’t see why your ds should have to retrieve the bag - the man already acknowledged that he knows there’s a problem. I don’t think there’s a “both sides” to this. Just because your neighbor is having problems with his roommate doesn’t mean the neighborhood or your DS should be penalized. I think you need to back him up on this but also let him handle it himself. 

Edited by TechWife
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TechWife

TechWife

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22 hours ago, SKL said:

I feel kinda sorry for the homeowner.  I guess if he could control his brother's behavior, he would.

I get that the neighborhood is annoyed, but it is not really necessary to make this kind of statement.  I wouldn't make son go pick it up, but for the future, I'd advise him to let it go.  There are more worthy causes to take up IMO.  Maybe it would be of value to do some research into why people like the brother get into these messes and what, if anything, we can do about the root causes.  And if the conclusion is that we can't ... then maybe give some grace to others who also can't fix this.

I don’t know - preserving the culture of the neighborhood by removing garbage - and that’s what empty beer bottles are - that usually isn’t there is a really important cause, if you ask me. Not to mention property values if this turns into a big issue. 

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TechWife

TechWife

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7 hours ago, pinball said:

So I slept on this and I still think I’m absolutely right.

If the thread was titled: Should my young adult child pick up beer cans that the DRUNK neighbor litters the neighborhood With as  as he stumbles back and forth (WHILE DRUNK) to the mini-mart…

then DUMP THOSE CANS ON DRUNK NEIGHBOR’S LAWN…

Who, who has any inkling of preservation, would answer: “YES, GREAT IDEA!” ?

 

He didn’t do that. He collected garbage, put it into a bag and then put the bag in the yard where the person who is responsible for it lives (which is not his own house). 

My less than polite answer is that there’s no way in the world I’d tell anyone to cater to a drunk & I’m Speaking with a voice of experience here. 

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TechWife

TechWife

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5 hours ago, SKL said:

Most likely, this is the tip of the iceberg for the "sober brother."  And I don't think it's easy to think about kicking one's sibling out without another place to go.  I really don't know what I'd do if I had a family member in that situation, so I find it difficult to judge this situation.

I agree that this is most likely the tip of the iceberg. 

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Ann.without.an.e

Ann.without.an.e

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3 hours ago, TechWife said:

Oh I remember now - he chewed and everything! 

Yes that one. Back in the day of the little racing off car one too lol

 

3 hours ago, saraha said:

Maybe, I thought it was a person eating popcorn back in the days of the little emoji race car guy driving away and the group hug

I miss group hug too 😭

 

3 hours ago, saraha said:

🤭🍿 we could make one 

😂😂😂

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