I need a reality check

[Not_a_Number]

Deleting the original post in the interests of privacy. 

Edited June 16, 2022 by Not_a_Number

[scholastica]

I think everything turned out all right and it’s none of my business if I’m not one of the parties involved.

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, scholastica said:

I think everything turned out all right and it’s none of my business if I’m not one of the parties involved.

OK. So I hear the take that this wasn't seriously problematic. That's good to know. As I said, I'm too close to this situation to judge how much of a problem this was. 

[Farrar]

What do I make of it?

As a recovering picky child, picky eating is about control first and foremost. Yes, there can be other issues at play like sensory stuff, supertasters, undiagnosed food sensitivities, but in the end, it's a control thing. Meeting it head on by trying to win the "I'm in control" battle is always a losing tactic. If you really want to not eat something, you'll not eat it. If you want to throw it up and you have a strong gag reflex, you will. Guess how I know.

Your taste buds calm down in your mid-20's and most picky eaters start to get better... if they haven't got additional issues going on.

Mom made it worse. It's that simple. None of us are perfect. She obviously had her own anxieties. Kid is doing fine. He lived. He eventually put on some height and weight and grew. If the relationship is suffering now (which would totally not surprise me), then she should ideally figure out her own crap and apologize. Obviously it's not that straightforward, but that's the crux of it. If she can't do that, she should definitely back off at this point and let her adult son eat what he pleases and refrain from any comments. In an ideal world, if the son is resentful, he should also try to back off, recognize that Moms make mistakes and give her the benefit of the doubt and just not bring up food. Go sideways.

ETA: If the relationship is not suffering, then no one needs to do anything. And I agree with the above that if you're a third party to this, it's not your place to get involved unless you're literally eating meals in front of a battle about it and everyone is suffering as a result.

Edited June 16, 2022 by Farrar

[fairfarmhand]

Although physically things turned out ok, but I kinda wonder if all the pressure and anxiety wouldn't be a problem for the kid in the long run.  That kind of stress does things to kids. Often, they don't even realize it until they have their own kids and all of a sudden something happens and they become the controlling, anxious parent about something or other. 

 

[SKL]

Yeah, a lot of boys are late bloomers and grow surprisingly in their late teens.

And a lot of households fuss a lot about food.

My short kid gets a fair amount of grief from my housemates about not being very into food.  I'm not very into food either, so I can relate to her side of things.  Her height is partly genetic, partly the fact that she never liked eating (regardless of what food and how offered).

[Not_a_Number]

9 minutes ago, Farrar said:

What do I make of it?

As a recovering picky child, picky eating is about control first and foremost. Yes, there can be other issues at play like sensory stuff, supertasters, undiagnosed food sensitivities, but in the end, it's a control thing. Meeting it head on by trying to win the "I'm in control" battle is always a losing tactic. If you really want to not eat something, you'll not eat it. If you want to throw it up and you have a strong gag reflex, you will. Guess how I know.

I'm not sure. I actually think there are sensory issues at play here. I would be surprised if this was a control thing on the part of the child. 

 

9 minutes ago, Farrar said:

Your taste buds calm down in your mid-20's and most picky eaters start to get better... if they haven't got additional issues going on.

Yes, that happened here. 

 

9 minutes ago, Farrar said:

Mom made it worse. It's that simple. None of us are perfect. She obviously had her own anxieties. Kid is doing fine. He lived. He eventually put on some height and weight and grew. If the relationship is suffering now (which would totally not surprise me), then she should ideally figure out her own crap and apologize. Obviously it's not that straightforward, but that's the crux of it. If she can't do that, she should definitely back off at this point and let her adult son eat what he pleases and refrain from any comments. In an ideal world, if the son is resentful, he should also try to back off, recognize that Moms make mistakes and give her the benefit of the doubt and just not bring up food. Go sideways.

Makes sense, thanks. 

Edited June 16, 2022 by Not_a_Number

[Not_a_Number]

2 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Although physically things turned out ok, but I kinda wonder if all the pressure and anxiety wouldn't be a problem for the kid in the long run.  That kind of stress does things to kids. Often, they don't even realize it until they have their own kids and all of a sudden something happens and they become the controlling, anxious parent about something or other. 

Ah-ha. Yes, this was incredibly stressful for the child. Feeling like all food should come in pill form is not a good sign, I would say! What do you think the anxiety would do to a kid? 

[bolt.]

I think that the parent's mental health difficulty resulted in some very mild under-nourishing of the kid, possibly creating a sub-clinical (not bad enough to be diagnosed) food behaviour that borders on the eating disorder ARFID.

It's also possible that the bordering-on-eating-disorder eating behaviour of the child actually was original to the child, and would have happened anyways (ARFID does not tend to be a 'caused' thing), or that his near-ARFID tendencies started an early cycle that stressed-and-pushed the mom into coping by grasping for more control over food in the first place -- which you would not have been able to observe.

That's unfortunate, but it's not horrible or abusive (food was fully available, standard 'picky eating' advice was followed, and none of the behaviour was intentional). It's just the way mental illness and possible eating disorders sometimes play out in family systems. I wouldn't blame anyone or try to make a big deal of it after the fact.

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, bolt. said:

That's unfortunate, but it's not horrible or abusive (food was fully available, standard 'picky eating' advice was followed, and none of the behaviour was intentional). 

What's standard picky eating advice? 

[Farrar]

Just now, Not_a_Number said:

I'm not sure. I actually there are sensory issues at play here. I would be surprised if this was a control thing on the part of the child. 

 

If you read about picky eaters this is the take that a lot of therapists and nutritionists who specialize in picky eating in kids have. So it's not just my own. I remember reading that as a person in my late 20's and it was like a giant lightbulb moment where I was like, OH, YES. I was a stubborn kid in some ways, especially as an idealistic teen. But in other ways, especially to adults in my life who weren't my parents, I probably looked like a sweet, mild, people pleaser. I was smart, occasionally shy, but mostly very personable and very "adult friendly" as a kid. I was messy. Liked things open ended and creative. Most people would not have pegged me as a "control freak" in any way.

[Dianthus]

 

Nm

Edited March 28, 2023 by Dianthus

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Farrar said:

If you read about picky eaters this is the take that a lot of therapists and nutritionists who specialize in picky eating in kids have. So it's not just my own. I remember reading that as a person in my late 20's and it was like a giant lightbulb moment where I was like, OH, YES. I was a stubborn kid in some ways, especially as an idealistic teen. But in other ways, especially to adults in my life who weren't my parents, I probably looked like a sweet, mild, people pleaser. I was smart, occasionally shy, but mostly very personable and very "adult friendly" as a kid. I was messy. Liked things open ended and creative. Most people would not have pegged me as a "control freak" in any way.

I don't think you can generalize over all kids. I don't really want to be more specific about the reason I have information about this situation, but I would be surprised if this was mostly a control versus a sensory issue.  

[Carrie12345]

Food is weird. Well, bodies are weird, lol.

I have a kid who was severely picky. Like, doctor says withhold alternatives so kid doesn’t eat anything for 3 days picky. 
So I relinquished ALL control. Despite my requests to decline measuring, the school still sent home BMI warning letters (“too low”)each year.

Kid is now an overweight adult. His pattern was similar to mine, but at different extremes.

Currently have a picky kid with no food restrictions by me. You can count his ribs.

Dh has stretch marks from a college growth spurt. 
 

I’d be concerned if a child didn’t have energy for their activities. Otherwise, not much concern at all. 
 

(PS, I also have 3 other kids with 3 other body types and unrestricted food access.)

[Arcadia]

For that person, it turns out okay and he didn’t develop food phobia. If the person was my nephew, I would be letting him eat whatever he likes when I am babysitting. When I was underweight and having no appetite, my oncologist did say ice cream is better than nothing. My “failure to thrive” DS16 had fattening junk food in moderation as a toddler too. 

If the mom is a close relative or friend that I could talk bluntly to, I would advise seeing a psychiatrist for anxiety. My dad had situational anxiety from toxic staff at the school he was teaching. Medication helped him until he could transfer out at the end of the school year.

2 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

What's standard picky eating advice? 

To keep offering the rejected food instead of being a short order cook. 

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, Arcadia said:

For that person, it turns out okay and he didn’t develop food phobia. If the person was my nephew, I would be letting him eat whatever he likes when I am babysitting. When I was underweight and having no appetite, my oncologist did say ice cream is better than nothing. My “failure to thrive” DS16 had fattening junk food in moderation as a toddler too. 

If the mom is a close relative or friend that I could talk bluntly to, I would advise seeing a psychiatrist for anxiety. My dad had situational anxiety from toxic staff at the school he was teaching. Medication helped him until he could transfer out at the end of the school year.

I can't give advice in this situation. 

 

1 minute ago, Arcadia said:

To keep offering the rejected food instead of being a short order cook. 

How many times are you supposed to do that? Some kids genuinely don't enjoy certain flavors. At what point do you give up? If you keep offering and the kid still finds the food distasteful, what do you do? 

[Not_a_Number]

14 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Although physically things turned out ok, but I kinda wonder if all the pressure and anxiety wouldn't be a problem for the kid in the long run.  That kind of stress does things to kids. Often, they don't even realize it until they have their own kids and all of a sudden something happens and they become the controlling, anxious parent about something or other. 

I will say that I'm very interested in this kind of take -- that is, what the effect of this would be psychologically. Physically, the kid is obviously fine. 

[Not_a_Number]

16 minutes ago, Farrar said:

And I agree with the above that if you're a third party to this, it's not your place to get involved unless you're literally eating meals in front of a battle about it and everyone is suffering as a result.

This isn't really about getting involved or not. There's no option to get involved. I just want an objective take on the situation. 

[Scarlett]

Overall I would say when we learn better we do better.  So hopefully this childhood situation is being seen clearly by everyone and it is not being repeated on current children. 

[vonfirmath]

9 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

I can't give advice in this situation. 

 

How many times are you supposed to do that? Some kids genuinely don't enjoy certain flavors. At what point do you give up? If you keep offering and the kid still finds the food distasteful, what do you do? 

J have a picky kid. Who probably started because of her dairy allergy -- so she early learned that unfamiliar food equalled pain so trying new food is a hump she has to get over now. (And I'm really proud of her when she manages to try anyway)

 

BUT I also realize -- I sponsor kids in Honduras (and other areas) And I don't hear about picky eaters there. They have very limited choices and not liking what is available (Lots of beans, rice, etc) means not eating because there are not other choices often. But you just don't hear about these kids choosing not to eat. Even if its the same meal they have everytime because its the food that is available.

 

Edited June 16, 2022 by vonfirmath

[bolt.]

Just now, Not_a_Number said:

What's standard picky eating advice? 

Practically: The standard advice is to offer the normal-for-this-family foods at family meal times (and scheduled snack times for younger kids). Eat with your kids and show enthusiasm for the things you are serving. Encourage, but don't require the child to eat. Don't make special foods, but give some choices and try to make things fun. Let the meal be over even if the child chooses not to eat. Don't use food as an incentive or reward.

Emotionally: They did not follow the advice to try not to make a big deal of eating or not eating, not to make it a power struggle. (Clearly there was some eating pressure.)

So it seems that they did fine on the practical side (offering food well) but not so much on the emotional side.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/childrens-health/in-depth/childrens-health/art-20044948

Also 'picky eating' advice doesn't work for ARFID-tendency kids, and can often lead to poor nutrition and even a complete lack of eating if 'safe foods' are unavailable or restricted. This is not well understood by the parenting and medical community because regular 'picky eating' is about 1000x more common that actual childhood eating disorders -- and you usually can't tell by looking at the surface. Most doctors and helpers, nutritionists and feeding therapists persist in offering 'picky eating' advice and behaviour modification strategies because they work in most cases.

You can usually tell ARFID by the actual *not eating* in spite of following all of the advice, including weight loss and failure to thrive, in spite of being exposed to plenty of food options. This fits your story, so I do suspect it -- but there aren't many good ways to know. The 'I wish food was a pill' comment is also characteristic. It can be a sensory thing (but it can also be related to other issues of food perception and fear/anxiety). (Does the now-young-adult still prefer mostly carbs, preferably processed, possibly 'plain' or 'toddler-friendly' foods? Does he respond better to fast food than home made food? Does he still reject foods that aren't right for him even when it's socially awkward? Or if it results in no meal at all? Does he struggle to know if he is hungry or not?)

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Scarlett said:

Overall I would say when we learn better we do better.  So hopefully this childhood situation is being seen clearly by everyone and it is not being repeated on current children. 

Thanks! What's your take on what seeing it clearly means? 

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, bolt. said:

You can usually tell ARFID by the actual *not eating* in spite of following all of the advice, including weight loss and failure to thrive, in spite of being exposed to plenty of food options. This fits your story, so I do suspect it -- but there aren't many good ways to know. The 'I wish food was a pill' comment is also characteristic. It can be a sensory thing (but it can also be related to other issues of food perception and fear/anxiety).

This adult has anxiety issues and has had since childhood, although his mother's anxiety has made it unsafe to express it in the home environment and therefore it's untreated. There are also some sensory issues with touch, so sensory issues with eating and texture wouldn't be surprising. 

 

1 minute ago, bolt. said:

(Does the now-young-adult still prefer mostly carbs, preferably processed, possibly 'plain' or 'toddler-friendly' foods? Does he respond better to fast food than home made food?

No. As an adult, he is no longer picky. 

 

1 minute ago, bolt. said:

Does he still reject foods that aren't right for him even when it's socially awkward? Or if it results in no meal at all?

No. 

 

1 minute ago, bolt. said:

Does he struggle to know if he is hungry or not?)

Yes. 

[Not_a_Number]

3 minutes ago, bolt. said:

Emotionally: They did not follow the advice to try not to make a big deal of eating or not eating, not to make it a power struggle. (Clearly there was some eating pressure.)

All mealtimes were a painful, prolonged power struggle. Constant pressure. 

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Thanks! What's your take on what seeing it clearly means? 

That there was obsessive and unnecessary focus on nutrition. That an effort to provide perfect nutrition did not execute well because this particular kid pushed back for whatever reason.  But he is ok now.  But hey let’s not repeat this exercise with the next generation. 

[bolt.]

Just now, Not_a_Number said:

All mealtimes were a painful, prolonged power struggle. Constant pressure. 

Yeah... that's not the advice. That's unfortunate.

[Not_a_Number]

5 minutes ago, vonfirmath said:

BUT I also realize -- I sponsor kids in Honduras (and other areas) And I don't hear about picky eaters there. They have very limited choices and not liking what is available (Lots of beans, rice, etc) means not eating because there are not other choices often. But you just don't hear about these kids choosing not to eat. Even if its the same meal they have everytime because its the food that is available.

I am sure that always being deprived of calories would result in kids eating very well, yes. I don't think that's helpful information for this kind of situation, though. 

[freesia]

Well, I need to confess that pickiness really triggers me bc of background with my brother. I used methods in a book whose name I can’t remember ( popular in the 90’s) in order to have a plan and stay a bit removed. It is the power struggle aspect that bothers me and it feels selfish to me. I KNOW this is my issue—just sharing one of the reasons it can become a big deal. So, I guess I get how the dynamic developed. I know people who let there picky kids eat what they wanted who also had failure to grow and needed nutrition shakes at which point they finally grew. So, I don’t think that’s the solution either. If I had had a child whose pickiness was at that level I would have done an OT evaluation and sought help for myself in managing my feelings—but years ago that wouldn’t have been an issue. 

[Xahm]

I would probably use this information to influence my future choices. If this mother doesn't see that the pressure she placed wasn't healthy, I would not put my children under her care for any situation where she might have to be disciplinarian. I have a family member who doesn't see that the way they disciplined their children (caustic words and locking horns) wasn't all that good, and so I try to make sure that family member is never directly in charge of my kids, though we try to spend plenty of time together because they were trying their best.

I'd make sure that the now-adult child has plenty of easy to eat food at hand if they are still pretty thin because the person I know like this learned to ignore his body's hunger signs and will forget to eat.

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, freesia said:

I know people who let there picky kids eat what they wanted who also had failure to grow and needed nutrition shakes at which point they finally grew. So, I don’t think that’s the solution either.

I would guess that given that this kid liked standard "kid foods," there would not have been trouble with calories consumed if food he liked was offered. It's hard to know in retrospect, of course. But that's my hunch. 

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Xahm said:

I'd make sure that the now-adult child has plenty of easy to eat food at hand if they are still pretty thin because the person I know like this learned to ignore his body's hunger signs and will forget to eat.

Yes. This person has a lot of trouble monitoring his appetite and doesn't notice when he's hungry. Very astute point. 

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, Xahm said:

If this mother doesn't see that the pressure she placed wasn't healthy, I would not put my children under her care for any situation where she might have to be disciplinarian.

She does not see it. What do you think she would do as disciplinarian? 

[Katy]

If this was currently still a little kid I’d tell the mom to go get therapy right now and consider some psychiatric help too because what she’s doing is neither normal nor helpful. 

Sometimes kids do need feeding therapy. Sometimes they need G tubes. 

As adults I don’t think there’s much to do. It’s no longer anyone’s business except the young adult. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don’t understand the scrutiny of a situation that is in the past. Obviously it would have been nice if the mother had more resources etc for dealing with her anxiety. Obviously it wasn’t pleasant. But ultimately growth wasn’t stunted. The son has a  decent sounding relationship with food currently. He can continue to grow in that regard to recognize hunger cues etc. He can get help for his own anxiety issues. 

[Tap]

If he is a normal adult, then I wouldn't think much of his upbringing. I think American culture allows for many more choices that most other cultures, and I am not sure if it is a good thing or not. That being said, a lot of families do not cater to a childs wants at meal time. The food served is what is served. Eat it or not. He was fed. He had nutricious food. He was an athlete. He got medical care. Once his body was ready to grow, he had access to food and his body caught up. It is a classic chicken/egg situation. Did he not eat a lot because he wasn't growing/less hungry?  Or did the calorie restriction cause the slow growth? No one will ever know. But if he did ok in school and played sports, my guess is that he was just a late bloomer. As long as brain development is normal and he had energy, I am not seeing a problem. It doesn't sound like he was fed too outside the norm of typical foods. Just not his favorites. If he only threw up once, if he has sensory issues, I wouldn't guess they were too severe. 

If he has a normal relationship with food now (not overeating/hoarding) then I would let it go. 

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Katy said:

If this was currently still a little kid I’d tell the mom to go get therapy right now and consider some psychiatric help too because what she’s doing is neither normal nor helpful. 

Sometimes kids do need feeding therapy. Sometimes they need G tubes. 

As adults I don’t think there’s much to do. It’s no longer anyone’s business except the young adult. 

There isn't anything to do. I'm just curious what people think of the situation. What do you think the effect on the kid would be, say? 

[freesia]

1 minute ago, Not_a_Number said:

I would guess that given that this kid liked standard "kid foods," there would not have been trouble with calories consumed if food he liked was offered. It's hard to know in retrospect, of course. But that's my hunch. 

It’s not calories, though. You can fill up and get enough calories with pasta, white bread, hot dogs and occasional chicken nuggets and pudding. But the children I knew who did that did not grow until the diet was changed ( in one family) or nutrition shakes were added ( in the other.)

[Not_a_Number]

2 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I don’t understand the scrutiny of a situation that is in the past. Obviously it would have been nice if the mother had more resources etc for dealing with her anxiety. Obviously it wasn’t pleasant. But ultimately growth wasn’t stunted. The son has a  decent sounding relationship with food currently. He can continue to grow in that regard to recognize hunger cues etc. He can get help for his own anxiety issues. 

I'm just curious what people's objective take is. This thread is being very helpful. As I said, I'm too close to this situation, so I tend to veer into either hysterical ("This was ridiculous!") or dismissive ("This was totally normal!") 

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, freesia said:

It’s not calories, though. You can fill up and get enough calories with pasta, white bread, hot dogs and occasional chicken nuggets and pudding. But the children I knew who did that did not grow until the diet was changed ( in one family) or nutrition shakes were added ( in the other.)

Huh, interesting. What were they missing? Were there missing nutrients? 

I will confess that I have picky kids and that they don't wind up eating a great variety of vegetables (although they eat lots of fruit.) They are also not fond of most meat. They seem to be growing adequately. 

[Arcadia]

4 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

How many times are you supposed to do that? Some kids genuinely don't enjoy certain flavors. At what point do you give up? If you keep offering and the kid still finds the food distasteful, what do you do? 

Mine would go on hunger strike so I never followed that advice. My in-laws strongly believe in that though because their kids would clean their plates to avoid being scolded and nagged. In high school my husband gets to buy school lunches so he gets more food choices. My husband won’t eat his mom’s cooking once he moved out because he is so sick of the food. 
To be fair, FIL rather spend his money on beer and severely limit MIL’s grocery budget. Add to that FIL expects MIL to cook his favorite dishes for his meals. So MIL don’t really have a choice in what to cook.

When you see eating as a chore, you can forget how to feel hungry until a bad gastric attack happens. My childhood family practitioner warn about burning a hole in my stomach if I forget to eat frequently. 
We don’t trust my in-laws with our kids because they ignore food allergies and FIL thinks it is okay to give his teetotaler son’s children beer. 

[ktgrok]

Mom was potentially well meaning, but very misguided. With children, as with infants, "fed is best". A picky child may have texture or super taster issues - so a good strategy is to actually talk about what they like and don't like, and try to find compromise foods that meet the child's NEEDS even if not meeting their WANTS. We have a lot of talk about how "not my favorite" doesn't mean "can't stand it" and that foods in the spectrum in between can and should be eaten in order to have some kind of balanced diet. So we try to figure out which are closer to the "not my favorite" and rotate that with ones that are well liked, and figure out how to meet nutrient needs. Hates squash, but will eat a raw carrot in dip, fine. Orange is orange. Wont' eat greens cooked, or salads, but is okay with spinach in a smoothie with stuff they do like? Perfect. (berries have too many seeds for sensory people in smoothies most times). Hates blueberries, but will eat dark grapes? Great, let's put those in with lunch. Hates tomato slices, they are slimy, but will eat tomato sauce on pasta? Okay, that works too. 

One can meet the dang kid half way. And maybe even check for food allergies and celiac disease, especially if not growing well. And find a multivitamin they can stand. And then forget about it, cause it isn't worth fighting over. 

So yeah, mom messed up. But probably not for nefarious reasons. 

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Arcadia said:

Mine would go on hunger strike so I never followed that advice.

When I tried that with DD9, she started filling up on toast in the morning 😕 . I could have restricted her breakfast food access, I guess, but it was awful and we stopped after a month and started just serving food she likes again. 

[Catwoman]

35 minutes ago, Spirea said:

 

Please don't quote.

 

Can you slip some MiraLAX into his beverages to help him with the constipation?

 

Edited June 16, 2022 by Catwoman
Because “please don’t quote” means I shouldn’t have quoted!

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, ktgrok said:

So yeah, mom messed up. But probably not for nefarious reasons. 

Absolutely not for nefarious reasons. No nefarious reasons suspected. It was definitely pure anxiety. 

[Pawz4me]

14 minutes ago, vonfirmath said:

BUT I also realize -- I sponsor kids in Honduras (and other areas) And I don't hear about picky eaters there. They have very limited choices and not liking what is available (Lots of beans, rice, etc) means not eating because there are not other choices often. But you just don't hear about these kids choosing not to eat. Even if its the same meal they have everytime because its the food that is available.

 

I don't doubt what you say is true, but I do doubt how comparison worthy it is. I mean if all you've ever known are a handful of foods, if that's all that exists in your world, then I can see why nobody would be picky. There are no alternatives. But in the US, and I assume other first world countries, we're bombarded with food choices. Even a toddler would have to be pretty clueless to not realize there are choices.

I can only say that for myself, having had a diagnosed eating disorder before my kids were born, I firmly knew that I would never, ever make food into a battle. There are almost always easy alternatives for picky eaters. Even if they aren't the healthiest choices they're calories, and they don't turn food intake into a battlefield and create psychological issues about eating that may be lifelong. 

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

Can you slip some MiraLAX into his beverages to help him with the constipation?

I believe she asked not to quote. 

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Pawz4me said:

Even if they aren't the healthiest choices they're calories, and they don't turn food intake into a battlefield and create psychological issues about eating that may be lifelong. 

And potentially psychological issues about things other than eating . . . 

[Scarlett]

I will say that parenting that was problematic for one generation will not be for the next.  By that I mean, you ( generic you) might have been traumatized by the way food was handled by your mom but your kids aren’t traumatized at all by that grandparent.  

[Arcadia]

10 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Huh, interesting. What were they missing? Were there missing nutrients? 

For me it was heme iron and proteins. My aunt who cooks for her family and mine (ETA: when I was a kid) would actually cook liver for her daughter and me because we are both anemic.  Since osteoporosis is a “childhood disease”, I probably didn’t absorb my calcium well either during the  growing stage.

Edited June 16, 2022 by Arcadia

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

I will say that parenting that was problematic for one generation will not be for the next.  By that I mean, you ( generic you) might have been traumatized by the way food was handled by your mom but your kids aren’t traumatized at all by that grandparent.  

Yes, although I think that's often because the grandparent isn't in the parental role and doesn't have full responsibility for the child.