Updates 2023 (job hunt etc)

[Rosie_0801]

2 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

The outlet thing — I just don’t know she will organically find a safe adult. She’s been sharing with a classmate. 

She's sharing with *someone* which is important, and a classmate isn't bound by the adult responsibility to support the court orders. The kid has much more power to validate your daughter's feelings than another adult.

[Rosie_0801]

9 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I don’t think the 2 are mutually exclusive. I did several different forms of therapy. Some were addressing the past or “parts” (Internal Familt Systems). That did help bring peace, but not necessarily root for me to do nothing vs do something. 

literature is a great idea. Let me know if you have suggestions (you can pm me). 

The people telling me to get therapy and telling me to keep fighting meant I should keep throwing myself on swords because they believed in justice. They weren't saying "here's how to do guerrilla warfare," which I already knew and they didn't.

I don't know what literature to recommend because I don't know how your daughter works. Jane Austen is a good place to start, though. "No Mr Wickhams!"

[ktgrok]

28 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I had people tell me to get therapy, (which is about helping you make peace with reality) and to keep on fighting, in the same breath. 

I don't think those people understood what therapy is for.

 

You get no say in the short term, but can play the long game. Work on dv proofing, as much as you can. No one can make court orders against literature. 

For me, therapy was for me to have a neutral outsider I could bounce ideas off of, to help me think various options through, and to offer coping mechanisms while I did it what needed to be done. I think in some situations a good friend could serve that role, but I needed someone unbiased regarding friendship to either myself or my at the time DH, to help me. 

[ktgrok]

does the school counselor offer anything? When I was divorced my son's school had a weekly group therapy type thing for kids going through stressful situations. 

[heartlikealion]

23 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

does the school counselor offer anything? When I was divorced my son's school had a weekly group therapy type thing for kids going through stressful situations. 

I hit a dead end with the school. They said they would meet with dd and then didn't really... when I followed up they said "oh the teacher said she was fine." That's not how counseling works. And the counselor usually doesn't even follow up with me at all; I had emails unacknowledged in the past. Xh called the school himself to look into the matter and knew that one of the reasons I wanted dd to talk to someone was because of people moving in. Sounds like both he and the counselor have dismissed me. 

That's why I sought a private counselor and was prepared to pay for it myself as xh doesn't have to pay for any therapy he doesn't personally schedule. But now I'm being road blocked there, too. 

[heartlikealion]

And then I only learned today that I can't even schedule a school counseling meeting without xh's consent. Of course he won't consent because he thinks life is unicorns and rainbows and I'm just meddling over nothing. 

[Jaybee]

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all this, Heart. I can't imagine how I would handle it if I were in the same situation. I do wonder (doing mind experiments here) if it would be better to let go of some of the things like counseling, etc., and concentrate on making your time with her extra special. He is likely to sabotage counseling anyway, as Rosie has mentioned. You can't change what xh does, or what he has done. You can't change that he has influenced the school's attitude toward you, or your ds' attitude toward you. But you can keep growing and changing and getting healthy yourself, like you have been working on. Seeing you become a healthier and stronger person will be good for your kids and help dv-proof them, as Rosie says. Have fun with dd, read her books about healthy relationships as compared to unhealthy and discuss, but try not to make your time with her too heavy. Keep showing both ds and dd care and concern without trying to interfere too much with their dad's parenting/life choices because that will end up causing them stress too, and will make you look shrewish even though we know here that you just want them to be protected. Be the safe place and concentrate on making your home peaceful and relaxed. You don't have to try too hard to be the "fun" parent and spend a lot of money you don't have on foods and activities. And you can't stuff what you would do as a full-time parent into the few days you have. But you can make your place a place where they aren't yelled at, where they can let their guard down, where they can be themselves and out of any drama. Anyway, if this isn't helpful, just ignore.

[heartlikealion]

We’re going in front of a judge, anyway. I’m stacking counseling on the agenda because I think he’s being unreasonable and financially speaking it makes sense to address all issues at once. 

But it’s possible when it’s said and done counseling won’t take place. I don’t know. I don’t think a 6-7yr old peer can be exchanged for an adult. And I can’t count on many adults in her life. I flat out asked dd a couple weeks ago if she’d like to talk to someone such as a therapist and she said yes. She makes comments that I don’t want to brush under the rug such as, “fun fact: we’re a broken home.” It makes me sad. 

[heartlikealion]

I don't want to be that person, but actions speak louder than words. My attorney has been too busy... didn't file the motion to my knowledge, didn't respond to my last email... 

Someone else came highly recommended and I reached out. I don't know their pricing scale etc yet though. 

I might just drop the moving in thing, but I have serious qualms about not being able to book a therapy session. I've also butted heads with the school this week (dd had a meltdown about going to school because they make her dance on the field in the heat... for this homecoming dance... and dd isn't even a dance student. For days she's been forced to practice this routine. She hates it. The school is just football obsessed. I put dad on the phone to help talk her into getting ready for school and he said he'd talk to the teacher and get her out of the dance. Then she got up. I ran into the teacher at the pick up line and talked to her after dd went inside, first asking if she'd already talked to xh. She hadn't and I was there so I explained the whole thing and also explained that dd won't tell her to her face she feels she gets too much work in class. The teacher looked taken aback and I said, "that's her mindset... I'm not saying you do." She totally mislead me to believe she'd excuse dd from the dance but then later xh sent a video of dd dancing at the pep rally or whatever. Xh was on campus dropping off food for then high school morning tailgating. After school dd said she did have to dance, no one gave her an option to sit out. I told her I did talk to the teacher and I don't know what happened. Then dd started calling her teacher a liar. I texted the teacher for clarification and to voice that dd was very disappointed. Her response was really weird, stating thank you for your concern, I'll pass onto the headmaster. Hope to see dd at the game tonight. (WHAT). We didn't go to the game. We don't care about football. Which makes the whole using class time to dance crap even more annoying. Practice for WHAT. An event we won't attend? When we told xh the outcome he said he didn't think dd should be excused (but it was HIS IDEA). Just gaslighting us left and right you know. Dd sees it, doesn't know the term, but she picks up on it. 

I'm so over everything. And at my birthday dinner I wasn't allowed to ask anything personal of course because it puts everyone on the defense but apparently asking ds if he was going to the movies tonight since dad mentioned vague plans (bring ds home by X o'clock, we have plans) I was asking "personal questions." My family is ridiculous. Dd also shared that one time ds said he wouldn't cry at my funeral. I called the YMCA while we were waiting on our food to check the pool hours for today... dd was fighting with her brother and bit his arm. I fussed at them for that and her continued behavior, but then I was "mean" and ds criticized my parenting/voice etc. There is absolutely no freakin winning. I'll see him again at Thanksgiving. I filled xh in on their behavior etc and he told ds I was allowed to ask questions like that. And xh and ds agreed dd doesn't act that way around dad and she apologized to me. I get the worst of the behavior and then I think xh likes to feel superior about it like I'm the problem. But I know studies show kids sometimes reserve their worst behavior for certain parents. 

Sigh.

[Jaybee]

I'm sorry, @heartlikealion. That all sounds stressful. And hurtful.

[Kassia]

I'm sorry too.  Just wanted to second what @Jaybeesaid.  😞  

[historically accurate]

(((heart))), happy belated birthday. I am sorry your birthday dinner didn't go well. I hope you get some fun birthday time this week (window shopping or crafting or decorating or whatever floats your boat) - make it a birthday month! 

[Harriet Vane]

I'm sorry, HeartLikeaLion. It does hurt. I wonder if the ordinary drive for adult independence has shot into hyperdrive for ds? Just keep reminding yourself to let it roll off, to hang in there for the long term. 

[heartlikealion]

Went to the ymca with dd today. She was refusing to cooperate when I said we were leaving. Had to go back in the pool and physically get her out. I promise, they reserve the extra snotty behavior for me. 

My tub at home isn’t draining right. I tried a zip it tool and liquid plumber. The landlord didn’t come over during the day Friday like originally planned and last night was bad timing. So after swimming I decided we’d shower there and I slipped and fell in the potion between shower and changing area while trying to balance and get on my pants. I should have just moved all our stuff and sat down. So now I’ll have my second tailbone injury in the past few weeks 😭😭

dd keeps asking if we can go to the movies etc and I’m like dd, I’m very sore… my shirt is covered in water because I didn’t pack a bra (wet sports bra on that I wore under my rash guard) and I don’t know if I can handle sitting in a theatre for hours without my donut pillow. 

just a crappy time 

Edited October 8, 2022 by heartlikealion

[Rosie_0801]

4 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I get the worst of the behavior and then I think xh likes to feel superior about it like I'm the problem. But I know studies show kids sometimes reserve their worst behavior for certain parents. 

Sigh.

Yup. The one it is safe to dump on.

I still cop the residual trauma crap.

Of all the back handed compliments, this is probably my least favourite.

[heartlikealion]

We did go to the movies. It hurt my wallet more than tailbone. I forgot my passes don't work on brand new releases Ugggh and there was nothing else to see. We saw Lyle, Lyle Crocodile. I had been a fan of the books as a kid. She enjoyed the movie. 

 

 

 

[heartlikealion]

Nothing was filed and as of now I’ve decided to let it go (as much as possible, mentally & legally) for now. I got legal input and weighed my options. 

Bathtub was fixed Sunday night. 

For the kids’ sakes, I guess all I can do is pray for a smooth family blending and be physical/emotionally available if/when they need me. 

[Jaybee]

4 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

For the kids’ sakes, I guess all I can do is pray for a smooth family blending and be physical/emotionally available if/when they need me. 

I think this is a good approach. I have a situation that has caused me a lot of sadness and stress. I saw one last thing I could do, and I did it, knowing that I might not see any changes. But having done that, I have been able to release it and feel that I can let go of the striving and be at peace. It doesn't mean I don't have hope for change, but the tension about it has left and I can concentrate on other things now. I hope you are able to find something similar for yourself. There is a balance in there somewhere with the acceptance of things you can't control or change, and the responsibility of doing what you can. ((((heart)))) 

[heartlikealion]

I guess the letter that was sent along with my request for xh to agree to therapy scheduling for dd will have to be my “things I tried” list. 

If the mudroom truly isn’t comfortable due to lack of insulation, the boy will probably speak up and then the adults may resolve it sooner than later. I hope. 

Now I can turn my focus back on my personal goals I guess. 

[Jaybee]

1 minute ago, heartlikealion said:

I guess the letter that was sent along with my request for xh to agree to therapy scheduling for dd will have to be my “things I tried” list. 

If the mudroom truly isn’t comfortable due to lack of insulation, the boy will probably speak up and then the adults may resolve it sooner than later. I hope. 

Now I can turn my focus back on my personal goals I guess. 

Yeah, the mudroom situation has nothing to do with you. The boy and whether he is comfortable or not is not on your plate. Whether your kids like him and/or his mom is not on you. You have to separate out the things that you have responsibility for and the things you don't. And the "things you tried" that don't work. And the things you wish you could do but were taken away from you by xh and the courts. Then you concentrate on making your life better for yourself and making your home a haven for yourself and your kids (maybe just dd). You can't mitigate what xh does and try to make up for the mistakes he is making. You just have to keep your little corner cleaned up and in order.

[Jaybee]

As per your last post, you might want to think through ahead of time how to deal with complaints from your children about the new situation if/when they come up. Things like, "I'm so sorry. I can listen and sympathize, but I don't have any say in that." "You have to talk about that to your dad if you want something to change." "If you are being physically harmed, I have some resources I can access. Otherwise, I don't have any pull in that decision/situation." I'm just throwing these out there in dealing with imagined circumstances, but you could have some in your back pocket just in case, so that you don't get pulled into things that will just cause your anxiety to go up, but that you have no power to change. 

ETA: I'd really try to avoid asking questions about the situation and inviting complaints if you can, though, no matter how curious you might be. (I would be very curious and might want to feed my own outrage, at least at first.) Maybe you can show interest in their lives by asking about things unrelated to home life.

Edited October 12, 2022 by Jaybee

[heartlikealion]

I already try to limit questions and dad asks if I ask things. Ds hushes dd sometimes. 

Ds never responds nor actually reads texts from me. I genuinely don’t think he reads them because he says he didn’t see it/never read it. None of which have anything to do with personal stuff except when I asked if he wanted to eat dinner with me. Xh didn’t give him an option and we all know how wonderful that went. Texts are things like telling him good job on his grades or a funny meme. I realized he has a new Facebook. No one told me. I won’t send him a friend request. He considers Dad his best friend so of course Dad is his online friend.

I just hope one day things are better. 

[Jaybee]

@heartlikealion, I'm sorry. I hope things get better too. (((heart)))

[heartlikealion]

A few days ago I told xh I wasn’t filing motion and basically wished them well. 

Was blindsided tonight. Dd said boy started attending her school Monday and she was eager to see him tonight at the school fall fest. I got dd a wrist band to go play and was manning my vendor booth when I heard him hollering her name to get her attention. I looked right at him and said “*boy’s name*?”. He looked at me and said yeah. I said hi I’m her mom. He asked for help locating something and I suggested he asked one of the staff and pointed him in the direction. I got no bad vibes. Seemed perfectly pleasant. About a min later I see xh, fiancée, and ds stroll up. So awkward. Fiancée put her hand out to greet me when they came by my booth. I really didn’t feel like shaking hands but I wasn’t going to snub her, either. She’s pretty. Probably prettier than me. Anyway, at the end of the night I offered ds a goodie from my booth but he declined. I offered to the boy on the house and he took something. I said he could grab something for his mom too but he said she didn’t want anything. 

I got to hear dd tell me/her friends that her step family was there. She calls them stepmom/step brother even though adults aren’t married yet. It’s weird for me but I guess a moot point. Ds said, “good job” on my booth as he left. I don’t know if he meant it or was just being polite. 

Family has moved in xh’s home. Apparently boy doesn’t have bed there. Was supposed to sleep on couch but dd prefers couch ?? so gave him her room. WTH. Starting school mid semester and no bed. They did not plan this out very well. 

Edited October 21, 2022 by heartlikealion

[Rosie_0801]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

 

Family has moved in xh’s home. Apparently boy doesn’t have bed there. Was supposed to sleep on couch but dd prefers couch ?? so gave him her room. WTH. Starting school mid semester and no bed. They did not plan this out very well. 

Is this in the rulebook or something? Dd didn't have a bed for months either, then they gave her stepsister's bed to her and she didn't have a bed for months.
Not that anyone *needs* an actual bed, but taking the resident child's bed to give to the newcomer doesn't seem a good way to create familial affection. So weird.

[heartlikealion]

3 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Is this in the rulebook or something? Dd didn't have a bed for months either, then they gave her stepsister's bed to her and she didn't have a bed for months.
Not that anyone *needs* an actual bed, but taking the resident child's bed to give to the newcomer doesn't seem a good way to create familial affection. So weird.

Legally speaking it is a rule book thing. I was told by lawyer in the past that each child must have a bed. When I looked into tiny homes in the city I was told dd could share a room with me but have a separate bed. Reality is she never sleeps without me. I’ve bed hopped once tonight and she woke up and followed me lol she hogs the bed, hit me in her sleep and was talking gibberish haha. 

I just think it’s cheap of xh to not buy a bed before inviting them to move in… or have mother order bed or bring one in move. 

Dd wasn’t complaining, just sharing. But I think none of them should be couch surfing if they supposedly have a room for each child. 

[Rosie_0801]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

Legally speaking it is a rule book thing.

I meant the abusive ex rule book. I know kids are supposed to have their own beds, but I also know nobody goes to check things are as people say they are. Giving one kids bed to another kid is just weird.

Oh well. It's the least of anyone's sins.

[heartlikealion]

Just now, Rosie_0801 said:

I meant the abusive ex rule book. I know kids are supposed to have their own beds, but I also know nobody goes to check things are as people say they are. Giving one kids bed to another kid is just weird.

Oh well. It's the least of anyone's sins.

Oh I see. 

Dd and I have fun plans this weekend. Just gotta remember to focus on the good. 

[Rosie_0801]

9 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Oh I see. 

Dd and I have fun plans this weekend. Just gotta remember to focus on the good. 

My dd has finally made it up here too. She had to skip last weekend because of the flooding.

I hope your weekend is all squishy and nice. ❤️

[heartlikealion]

Just now, Rosie_0801 said:

My dd has finally made it up here too. She had to skip last weekend because of the flooding.

I hope your weekend is all squishy and nice. ❤️

Aw. Likewise. 

[Scarlett]

@heartlikealion I am super proud of you for the dignity you are showing.  You are doing much better than I did although I know the circumstances are a bit different.  
 

I am gobsmacked about the living situation with your xh.  I thought the new live in had a daughter.  I am very concerned that this child is a boy.  Not to try and freak you out, but how old is he?  Please have very frank talks with your dd about proper behavior and the importance of telling you if anything odd happens with the boy. 
 

I remember when dss21 was still under age and going to visitation at his mom’s.  His older brother and their step brother who were grown, moved back in and took over the bedroom that ds21 was suppose to have while visiting.  They gave him a blow up bed in the living room.  Ds21 seemed to not mind but it just infuriated me.  
 

I hope you have a good weekend.  

[heartlikealion]

21 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

@heartlikealion I am super proud of you for the dignity you are showing.  You are doing much better than I did although I know the circumstances are a bit different.  
 

I am gobsmacked about the living situation with your xh.  I thought the new live in had a daughter.  I am very concerned that this child is a boy.  Not to try and freak you out, but how old is he?  Please have very frank talks with your dd about proper behavior and the importance of telling you if anything odd happens with the boy. 
 

I remember when dss21 was still under age and going to visitation at his mom’s.  His older brother and their step brother who were grown, moved back in and took over the bedroom that ds21 was suppose to have while visiting.  They gave him a blow up bed in the living room.  Ds21 seemed to not mind but it just infuriated me.  
 

I hope you have a good weekend.  

He’s 12 and I aired my concerns last visit — it went over very badly. Xh said he could see where I was coming from but that he’d vetted the kid. Ds was infuriated with me at the topic (I told him to watch out for his sis in case of inappropriate touching). I know that things can still go south; you just never know. But I didn’t get bad vibes from him. Not to say my gut is always right but I am much more aware of human behavior etc these days. 

Dd had told me before they play fight and I said I was not comfortable with handsy interactions. I said my piece. There’s really nothing else I can do. My priest said well maybe ds will keep that in back of his mind and be more aware watching his sis (came up because I met with him regarding annulment paperwork recently and just said xh is engaged and has woman + son moving in and I have reservations). 

The boy/age was one of the reasons I had considered filing a motion. 

[scholastica]

I’m wondering how this will play out in a couple of months when the “honeymoon phase” has worn off for all of them and your dd is tired of sleeping on the couch and not having her own space. I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if she decided to spend her time at your place. Ex wouldn’t really be able to say anything about it since, in order to do so in court, he would have to admit that your dd doesn’t have a bed. I may have missed this, but why are the 2 boys not bunking together?

I agree that you are handling this with grace and maturity. You sound so much healthier and happier. I am happy for you. 

[heartlikealion]

7 minutes ago, scholastica said:

I’m wondering how this will play out in a couple of months when the “honeymoon phase” has worn off for all of them and your dd is tired of sleeping on the couch and not having her own space. I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if she decided to spend her time at your place. Ex wouldn’t really be able to say anything about it since, in order to do so in court, he would have to admit that your dd doesn’t have a bed. I may have missed this, but why are the 2 boys not bunking together?

I agree that you are handling this with grace and maturity. You sound so much healthier and happier. I am happy for you. 

My suspicions are that xh will move quickly anytime he actually feels threatened. If he got a motion to go to court and part of the motion listed bedroom accommodations, he would surely buy a bed ASAP (Costco, Amazon, whatever). I don't know if a motion would list all the details. If not, then once he got to court he would remedy it swiftly. Technically the mudroom doesn't count as a room so he wouldn't meet the requirements unless he made the boys share. 

I have no expectations of either kid living with me full time in the foreseeable future and I've accepted my lot for now. To my knowledge, dd has resisted sleeping in her bed for a long time no matter what home she's in. She's flip flopped around from bunking in bed with dad to falling asleep next to dad on the couch to lying in bed waiting on dad to come visit (and dad either doesn't come at all or she joins him on the couch). She said she either sleeps in dad's bed or the couch and that confused me because isn't the woman in dad's bed now? The information came at me so quickly I didn't have time to think it through or ask questions and for the most part I really didn't ask questions. 

I feel bad for the boy and somewhat bad for the woman... I imagine she's been love bombed and barely knows xh. I think she's being foolish and rushing into things, but I also imagine she's stuck in this infatuation phase. Both her son's father and former fiancé passed away. I don't know if the dad was in the picture or not prior to his death but it happened a long time ago. So I feel extra sympathy for the boy, losing two father figures already. She's probably like me circa 2007. Kind and easily manipulated by a charismatic man? 

I don't know if boys bunking together was ever on the table, but I wouldn't like it. Ds is in 9th grade and barely knows this kid. And they aren't both heterosexual (I may delete, please don't quote). I'm not saying this in a "oh no, someone will hit on someone" way. I'm saying this in, "I think that could make one or both of them uncomfortable." My mind has raced through a million things in the past few weeks and after getting that second legal opinion I just felt I had to let go. 

Oh I'm definitely not being totally mature about this. I called xh a liar for not telling me they had moved in (I screen shot and shared his earlier text that said I would be informed when that happened). He did not acknowledge the text, but he read it. I sent another text later with an image of dd for today's dress up day at school and he reacted to it. Then he texted me to inform me he was taking ds to TX tonight. Last time I saw the kids on my birthday he was wishy washy on their plans and ds acted like it was none of my business but technically it is because the court order says I must be given notice anytime the kids are taken out of the state. I was informed really more by accident than anything. It came up because ds wanted to go in dad's house to get headphones and laptop which made no sense til I knew they were traveling.  They went to TX and I had dd the rest of that weekend. The only reason I know they are living here and the kid started school is because of dd. Xh has not disclosed any of that. 

I'm not perfect but I think I'm improving on this whole thing. 

[BusyMom5]

Document,  document,  document.   This sounds like a mess waiting to happen.   I'm sorry you can't prevent the mess, but you will be there for your kids, especially DD.  I would be furious about DD not having her own room.  

[heartlikealion]

Really glad I said no to trick or treating with them this year... lol I don't know if they are going out Sat and Monday or just Monday. 

Halloween weekend I won't just be sitting home alone. I'm babysitting. 

[heartlikealion]

Xh has said before to not feed our kids dinner on Sun night before drop off as he likes to provide Sun night dinner (drop off is at 6). Last night I dropped off dd and was greeted by the fiancée. Her son came to the door and volunteered that xh was not home and that he was at work. I don't know if this means he was catching up on some stuff or officially taking over Sun night shifts again. He is married to his job. 

I learned that they moved a cat into the home, too. I asked dd where the litter box was but she has no idea and said the cat goes out at night. /shrug.

dd said she didn't go to church/Sun school last weekend and attended a Baptist church. I asked xh about it and he said it was a one off thing because he had to meet with the minister (guess they are planning to be married in a Baptist church). But with all the chaos this year, dd's resistance to church/Sun school, the location of the classes, etc. I suggested we consider postponing her Sacrament of First Communion to next school year (third grade, which is when ds did it). We will talk to the priest. In the meantime, I told dd if we pulled her out of the class she'd be expected to do Sunday school at home. I told her I could get it online (in fact, we paid for this year for ds but I don't think he's been doing it). She said she'd rather do a workbook with me and I said that's fine. I'll find out what to order. 

[heartlikealion]

They are officially married now. Dd told me the wedding was the other day. And she's been bunking with the new stepmom... stepmom isn't sleeping with xh then? And this is a honeymoon time?? So glad to be out of that toxicness. 

[Storygirl]

Heart, I'm sorry about the wedding, because it must hurt you. But I hope their relationship ends up being stable, for the sake of all of the children.

[Terabith]

6 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

They are officially married now. Dd told me the wedding was the other day. And she's been bunking with the new stepmom... stepmom isn't sleeping with xh then? And this is a honeymoon time?? So glad to be out of that toxicness. 

Didn’t you say once that your dad was co-sleeping with your ex?  Is it possible that she’s sleeping with both ex and stepmom?  

[heartlikealion]

Just now, Terabith said:

Didn’t you say once that your dad was co-sleeping with your ex?  Is it possible that she’s sleeping with both ex and stepmom?  

No because she told me dad sleeps in master and dd alternates from bunking on couch with stepmom or in her own bed with stepmom when boy is on couch. 

oh I’m ok. And I met someone recently. 

[Soror]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

No because she told me dad sleeps in master and dd alternates from bunking on couch with stepmom or in her own bed with stepmom when boy is on couch. 

oh I’m ok. And I met someone recently. 

Talk about burying the lead? YOu mean you met someone with a romantic interest?

And I want to say I can't believe he already remarried but I guess it's not surprising considering what a jerk he is. Unbelievable. And why in the world is daughter sleeping with her and not with xdh? It makes no sense.

[heartlikealion]

Just now, Soror said:

Talk about burying the lead? YOu mean you met someone with a romantic interest?

And I want to say I can't believe he already remarried but I guess it's not surprising considering what a jerk he is. Unbelievable. And why in the world is daughter sleeping with her and not with xdh? It makes no sense.

Lol. Yes. We haven’t been talking that long but message each other off/on all day. We just met face-to-face this week over dinner. We were both nervous wrecks lol! We might be able to see each other again Sunday night after dd returns to xh. I had planned to wait to date til after annulment but that’s slow as molasses and I’m even unsure if I should stay Catholic because even if annulment is granted, he’s divorced too so Church would expect him to annul his (for marriage definitely but also maybe to even approve our dating… and he’s not even Catholic!). I’m not really thinking of marriage just thinking hypothetically. The rules are so constrictive. So I’ll just take it one day at a time. We’re enjoying each other’s company. He has kids and totally gets it. We are both transparent. 

Dd said the plan was for her to sleep with dog but dog kept hopping out of bed so stepmom joined them (dog belongs to stepmom). However, some nights dog sleeps with boy and on those nights stepmom still sleeps with dd. So I can’t make sense of it, either. Maybe xh thought because of gender it was better for 2 girls to bunk but your new wife is curling up on a couch some nights with our dd? That can’t be comfortable. 

I went to bed in separate room last night but sure enough dd woke up and crawled into bed with me lol 

I suspect xh will start staying late at the office again once his classes begin. New wife will see less and less and be in charge of more and more. 

[Faith-manor]

Wow! He is one p.o.s. I bet he has the same mentality as my sister's ex husband. He wooed and married her in order to get house keeping and daycare for his kids. He had ZERO interest in her once the ink was dry on the marriage license. Then he slowly turned on the abusive, gaslighting sh!t. She left his punk ass rather quickly. As soon as the divorce came through, he found another woman to marry to take care of his kids. That lasted three years, and low and behold, divorce. I suspect your stupid s.o.b. ex is doing the exact same thing. This woman is in for a rough ride.

I am just ever so grateful you are out, and he is not your problem. The co parenting will get a bit easier as Dd gets older. Your son isn't that far from being an adult and making his own choices. My own nephews did so much better when they exited the divorce drama by becoming adults. So for a few years here, it is going to be a bit of a wild ride, but it will get better, and you are doing great!

[heartlikealion]

4 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

Wow! He is one p.o.s. I bet he has the same mentality as my sister's ex husband. He wooed and married her in order to get house keeping and daycare for his kids. He had ZERO interest in her once the ink was dry on the marriage license. Then he slowly turned on the abusive, gaslighting sh!t. She left his punk ass rather quickly. As soon as the divorce came through, he found another woman to marry to take care of his kids. That lasted three years, and low and behold, divorce. I suspect your stupid s.o.b. ex is doing the exact same thing. This woman is in for a rough ride.

I am just ever so grateful you are out, and he is not your problem. The co parenting will get a bit easier as Dd gets older. Your son isn't that far from being an adult and making his own choices. My own nephews did so much better when they exited the divorce drama by becoming adults. So for a few years here, it is going to be a bit of a wild ride, but it will get better, and you are doing great!

I feel bad for her… even if she’s seeing flags she’s in so deep she probably felt she had to marry him. She sold her home, all her belongings are there now, her son is enrolled in a school with tuition that may or may not have been paid in full… it’s a lot. 

[heartlikealion]

I get the kids a lot this month because I have a make-up weekend from Oct plus Thanksgiving break. Ds will not come most of the time but I’ll see him during Thanksgiving. Dd has a birthday this month so I get her 3 hrs that day. 

I’m now friends with a mom that has a child in dd’s class and we’ll get together with kids one of these days. 

I’m suing ex landlord soon for return of sec deposit. I got everything ready but delayed so I don’t get the court date they originally said if get if I file now (it lands on their Thanksgiving break). I have nothing to lose. 

[Catwoman]

Not for anything, but why aren't you worried about your the new stepmom sleeping with your dd?

It's not only stepfathers and stepbrothers who can molest kids... women can do it, too. I mean, hopefully nothing is happening, but that situation is WEIRD!!!

I would be very concerned about the sleeping arrangements in that house!

 

Edited November 5, 2022 by Catwoman

[heartlikealion]

4 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Not for anything, but why aren't you worried about your the new stepmom sleeping with your dd?

It's not only stepfathers who can molest kids...

I would be very concerned about the sleeping arrangements in that house!

Yes for a second I was… I thought why her? And she barely knows you?? But I met her and figured maybe dd and her have become more familiar with each other plus I didn’t get any bad vibes… but feel like dd would speak up. I’ll be sure to tell dd to speak up if anything makes her uncomfortable. 

I did ask dd about any beds in the moving truck and she said she’s seen one or two mattresses leaning against the wall so I don’t know if they are dragging their feet or missing parts but seems like they should have at least one more bed set up by now. 

[Soror]

On 11/4/2022 at 8:40 AM, heartlikealion said:

Lol. Yes. We haven’t been talking that long but message each other off/on all day. We just met face-to-face this week over dinner. We were both nervous wrecks lol! We might be able to see each other again Sunday night after dd returns to xh. I had planned to wait to date til after annulment but that’s slow as molasses and I’m even unsure if I should stay Catholic because even if annulment is granted, he’s divorced too so Church would expect him to annul his (for marriage definitely but also maybe to even approve our dating… and he’s not even Catholic!). I’m not really thinking of marriage just thinking hypothetically. The rules are so constrictive. So I’ll just take it one day at a time. We’re enjoying each other’s company. He has kids and totally gets it. We are both transparent. 

Dd said the plan was for her to sleep with dog but dog kept hopping out of bed so stepmom joined them (dog belongs to stepmom). However, some nights dog sleeps with boy and on those nights stepmom still sleeps with dd. So I can’t make sense of it, either. Maybe xh thought because of gender it was better for 2 girls to bunk but your new wife is curling up on a couch some nights with our dd? That can’t be comfortable. 

I went to bed in separate room last night but sure enough dd woke up and crawled into bed with me lol 

I suspect xh will start staying late at the office again once his classes begin. New wife will see less and less and be in charge of more and more. 

So, how did you meet? Sounds like he is a good fit. I hope he is a great guy and treats you well.

And the sleeping arrangements still make so sense. 

[heartlikealion]

Just now, Soror said:

So, how did you meet? Sounds like he is a good fit. I hope he is a great guy and treats you well.

And the sleeping arrangements still make so sense. 

We met via Facebook dating. His profile said something like meeting someone even if it’s just friendship. That put me at ease. We have a lot in common so have decided to try to see each other even though it definitely is a bit complicated. We’re taking turns driving to each other (hour distance). One of his kids and dd are in the same grade. It’s new so no high expectations. But we’ll see how it goes. We have just hugged.