Updates 2023 (job hunt etc)

[heartlikealion]

We went to the library thing. Dd played in the bounce house. The librarian's son came and brought his Wii. He and ds were classmates years ago in public school. They played the wii together inside. I was glad he had something to do and some older kids were there. Then I looked at the new releases with ds and we got Ghostbusters to watch later this week. He's been watching The Office for free on Peacock but the free episodes end at the end of season 5 which he's almost finished with so I used money from my sister (she recently sent him birthday money and some toward streaming) and just ordered the paid subscription. 

[Storygirl]

Sounds like it was a fun excursion! I'm glad that he liked the cake. Baby steps are still progress.

About The Hobbit -- If he watches the movies, please make sure that he knows that they are NOT the same as the books. There are different events and different characters. He cannot rely on the movie to be his summer reading, because he would not be able to correctly complete related assignments. But it could be a fun supplement.

I think it would be fine for him to try the audio book and decide for himself whether it is working for him, or not. Even with auditory processing issues, it doesn't hurt to try, though I agree that audio might not be the best choice. It would be good for him to have access to both the audio and print versions, so that he can use what works for him. Since his dad is a librarian and seems to want to deal with it, I would just let the two of them figure it out, unless your son asks you for help.

You could, though, also read it by yourself and be ready to discuss it with him. He may not want to discuss it, but there is no harm in letting him know that you are available to talk about the book, if he wants to. Or you can just throw out a comment or two about what you like or dislike, without expecting a return. I often read the same books that my kid are reading in high school, and sometimes I talk about it or help them with their papers, and sometimes they don't need my help, but at least I am prepared.

[heartlikealion]

While we were at the library I mentioned to ds they probably have all the movies and he said he wants to finish the book first and (unprompted) that he needs to as it’s required reading. So I have no doubt he will complete the book one way or another. I am sure he will figure it all out 🙂 

dd didn’t want to go bowling for real (that’s what ds and I did on wii) tonight so we skipped it. I said ok but we do need to go out of the house soon (probably tomorrow). We need groceries and they can pick out some snacks etc. Tonight while I was waiting on rice on the stove for the chicken a la king, ds was going to eat a ramen cup but then decided he could just wait for dinner. At dinner he got seconds. I mean if my meals are bad he hides it well. I make that sometimes while he’s here — it’s one thing he favored and seemed to be excited about when I said what was for dinner. Such confusing messages for me but I’ll just keep providing  food and stocking some convenience food (I also had corn dogs in the freezer). 

Edited June 29, 2022 by heartlikealion

[freesia]

It sounds like he’s finally settling in. I’m sure this summer schedule where he’s with you for a week is helping him get used to the situation. As he relaxes, it’s easier for him to eat. It sounds like you are communicating well for his age. Good job!

[heartlikealion]

The thing is I’ll observe one thing but later he may blurt out something again and I’ll think huh I had no idea? Even now I know he may act nice to my face then later say my food isn’t good and he was “just being polite.” So I am just trying not to put too much weight into it, at least not outwardly. I defrosted cookies I’d baked and he wasn’t interested at first but then said these are really good. Little victories lol I’m much more of a baker than a cook IMO. 

[Rosie_0801]

31 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

The thing is I’ll observe one thing but later he may blurt out something again and I’ll think huh I had no idea? Even now I know he may act nice to my face then later say my food isn’t good and he was “just being polite.” So I am just trying not to put too much weight into it, at least not outwardly. I defrosted cookies I’d baked and he wasn’t interested at first but then said these are really good. Little victories lol I’m much more of a baker than a cook IMO. 

It sucks, but try to think of it as a self preservation tactic on his part. You're probably going to cycle through these ups and downs for a few years yet. It is very tiring. ((hugs))

[freesia]

31 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

The thing is I’ll observe one thing but later he may blurt out something again and I’ll think huh I had no idea? Even now I know he may act nice to my face then later say my food isn’t good and he was “just being polite.” So I am just trying not to put too much weight into it, at least not outwardly. I defrosted cookies I’d baked and he wasn’t interested at first but then said these are really good. Little victories lol I’m much more of a baker than a cook IMO. 

Yeah, totally normal teen stuff. It depends on the mood, and if you are annoyed with mom nothing she ever does has ever been good. Try not to over think it or let it get to you or even try to figure it out. He’s going to be odd for a few years. 

[heartlikealion]

45 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

It sucks, but try to think of it as a self preservation tactic on his part. You're probably going to cycle through these ups and downs for a few years yet. It is very tiring. ((hugs))

Thanks 

[heartlikealion]

Overall the last couple visits have gone well. I've been listening to the audio of the Hobbit. I found it was already in my old audible library (I don't currently have a subscription). 

It's not an easy listen to me. I downloaded a digital ebook copy through the library so I can listen and look at the words on the screen at the same time if I want, but I was listening when I was exercising. Maybe I'm impatient, but basically an hour of audio for some guys to sit around, talk, eat, make a mess and sing... lol. I can't keep all the characters straight and I looked them up online but then it was full of spoiler alerts so I closed the page. I might just get a physical copy of the book later for myself. 

I got the 3-disc LOTR set to compliment the Hobbit movie when I worked at the library, but it was checked out. I was debating watching some of it to remind myself of the characters, though I'm sure they aren't all the same. I haven't brought this up with ds but if later he wants to discuss the book we can. 

We watched some of The Office together and I took the kids to see my office (inside) for the first time and showed ds the giant Michael Scott on the wall last visit. He got a kick out of that. Then we went to dinner with the gift card I had. It was a pizza place and I ordered the largest one and we had leftovers. I still have enough for a second trip there. The business moved locations so it was our first time in the new building and we had a good time/good service. The kids don't know it yet, but I have plans with another family to meet us at the bowling alley this coming week. She has 4 kids, one is a year younger than ds and one is the same age as dd. Hopefully they have a good time. 

I took ds to the brand new "teen room" at a library in the city but he just didn't care about that stuff. He isn't into reading right now and he isn't into gaming consoles (only PC gaming). They had a Nintendo Switch in there. I guess my biggest takeaway from that was we try to appease teens but we don't know what they actually like lol. 

Edited July 7, 2022 by heartlikealion

[Catwoman]

I think you're doing great, Heart! 

The only thing I would suggest is to not really mention the summer reading stuff. Your ex seems to have that figured out and appears to be handling it well, so you can be the "good cop" parent and let them enjoy their visits with you, without pressure to do schoolwork. Obviously, if the kids ask for your help, that's different, but if they don't, let your dh deal with it, and just let the kids have fun at your house! 🙂 

[maize]

Re: characters in The Hobbit--you don't need to memorize all the names of the dwarves and remember who is who to follow and enjoy the story. The main characters are Bilbo the hobbit, Gandalf the wizard, and thirteen dwarves under the leadership of Thorin Oakenshield. That's all you need to keep in your head to follow the story.

Edited July 7, 2022 by maize

[heartlikealion]

that’s true. I haven’t brought up his summer reading since. 

I tried to show ds the house I’m moving into but the landlord wasn’t free to show us inside so we just drove by. I’ll be moving in later this month. 

The library rentals were a flop here (Ghostbusters and Jungle Cruise) but they know I’m taking them to see the new Minion movie soon and we are all looking forward to that. 

[Heartstrings]

26 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Overall the last couple visits have gone well. I've been listening to the audio of the Hobbit. I found it was already in my old audible library (I don't currently have a subscription). 

It's not an easy listen to me. I downloaded a digital ebook copy through the library so I can listen and look at the words on the screen at the same time if I want, but I was listening when I was exercising. Maybe I'm impatient, but basically an hour of audio for some guys to sit around, talk, eat, make a mess and sing... lol. I can't keep all the characters straight and I looked them up online but then it was full of spoiler alerts so I closed the page. I might just get a physical copy of the book later for myself. 

If you’re struggling with the characters maybe watch the movie first. I have a hard time with fantasy books with a lot of characters partly because I can’t picture a Gimli or a Drizzt (different series) but the movies help immensely because then I can see who Aragorn is.  Just a thought.  I started with the movies, then the books and I’m a super fan.  

[heartlikealion]

1 minute ago, Heartstrings said:

If you’re struggling with the characters maybe watch the movie first. I have a hard time with fantasy books with a lot of characters partly because I can’t picture a Gimli or a Drizzt (different series) but the movies help immensely because then I can see who Aragorn is.  Just a thought.  I started with the movies, then the books and I’m a super fan.  

Which ones? I saw the first LOTR a long time ago (I think in the theatre) and twice fell asleep at home trying to watch the Two Towers. I remember just a few characters but it’s been so long. I was wondering if I could watch the Two Towers without impacting my takeaway from the hobbit (because I know the movie and book differ and I don’t want to confuse myself). Or maybe start over with LOTR. Saving the Hobbit for after I finish the book. 

[maize]

1 minute ago, heartlikealion said:

Which ones? I saw the first LOTR a long time ago (I think in the theatre) and twice fell asleep at home trying to watch the Two Towers. I remember just a few characters but it’s been so long. I was wondering if I could watch the Two Towers without impacting my takeaway from the hobbit (because I know the movie and book differ and I don’t want to confuse myself). Or maybe start over with LOTR. Saving the Hobbit for after I finish the book. 

The LOTR movies stay much closer to the books than the Hobbit movies do.

In any case I think you'd be fine to watch the Two Towers, it shouldn't confuse your understanding of The Hobbit. A couple of characters from the Hobbit are in it, but it's decades later in the storyline.

[Jean in Newcastle]

20 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

that’s true. I haven’t brought up his summer reading since. 

I tried to show ds the house I’m moving into but the landlord wasn’t free to show us inside so we just drove by. I’ll be moving in later this month. 

The library rentals were a flop here (Ghostbusters and Jungle Cruise) but they know I’m taking them to see the new Minion movie soon and we are all looking forward to that. 

If you don't enjoy the Hobbit or LOTR books or movies and you aren't involving yourself in the summer reading program (which I think is wise), then give yourself permission to just not read or listen or watch them.  Find something that you personally enjoy. 

[heartlikealion]

18 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

If you don't enjoy the Hobbit or LOTR books or movies and you aren't involving yourself in the summer reading program (which I think is wise), then give yourself permission to just not read or listen or watch them.  Find something that you personally enjoy. 

It's been on a to-do list for me for ages, but just not something I was feeling rushed to do. But you are right. There might be something else I enjoy more for my exercise time. And if I do check out the movies and enjoy them, fine. If not, no obligation to finish them. I'm glad they are available at the library as it's hard to find them on streaming services without paying (I don't have prime video). 

[catz]

If they/you are enjoying The Office with the kids, not long ago I started listening through the Office Ladies podcast which goes through the series episode by episode revealing lots of secrets and interviews with production team, actors, etc.  It is super fun and I'm enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would!  It's done by the actors who played Pam and Angela who are bffs in real life.  

[heartlikealion]

9 minutes ago, catz said:

If they/you are enjoying The Office with the kids, not long ago I started listening through the Office Ladies podcast which goes through the series episode by episode revealing lots of secrets and interviews with production team, actors, etc.  It is super fun and I'm enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would!  It's done by the actors who played Pam and Angela who are bffs in real life.  

Ohh I vaguely remember hearing about them doing something together but I didn’t know what it was. 

I am also going to try to remember to try playing one of my Big Bang Theiry games with ds if it can be done with 2 players. I bought them back when I worked at Best Buy.  I found the game kinda difficult but maybe since he just saw the show it would be easier. 

[gardenmom5]

On 6/9/2022 at 8:52 AM, Catwoman said:

Honestly, my ds was always a good kid as a teen, but I think he may have been pretty atypical. Just read a bunch of threads on this forum and you will see countless moms complaining that their teens are acting very similarly to yours — and they had always been pleasant before the hormones kicked in. 

It’s likely that not all of this is as personal as you think it is. Part of it could just be your son going through a particularly obnoxious phase. 

 

Mom of five - youngest is a very difficult ASD with comorbid stuff 17 (who is making progress) - speaking. 

I just had to highlight this.  I have three ASD kids.  two of them, when the hormones kicked in . . thunk . . . went off the deep end into obnoxious territory.  (the other wasn't in your face about it, but I also had to put more effort into the "keeping my hand stretched out".  We now have a great relationship.)

Dudeling had a pediatric neuro as part of his medical team.   She said this behavior is so. typical *when the hormones kick in*.   ND kids who didn't previously show many signs of being ND, suddenly, have their parents asking - what just happened??? while it's normal for the age, for ND kids it is frequently worse.  I only had one I would consider a relatively easy teen.  (she was a fairly high-strung infant.) 

Even in the best situation - this is relatively normal behavior for the age.***.  But your situation isn't 'the best'.  You've gotten some good suggestions for how to keep lines open.  #1 thing we have to do as moms of teens - is keeping lines of communication open until this phase is past, and reaching out to love them in a way they can understand. (which they may or may NOT recognize - either because they're an oblivious teen or they deliberately choose to not recognize it.)  They will accept it *when they are ready*.  The point is to keep those lines open and your figurative hand reaching out.  That can be hard because what works for one teen, may or may not work for another.  Oh yeah - don't take it personally.  That can be hard, but if you can do that it will pay off in the long run.

just to share an experience: The then teen who wasn't in our faces, was keeping his distance in significant ways - I would issue invitations for "normal" everyday things we were doing as a family, or special one-off things. I respected his answers.  If he said no - that was his choice, I'd say "i love you" and I would go do what I was doing.  I would invite him again next time.  rarely/occasionally he would participate at some level.  This easily went on for three years before I really started seeing the positive responses I was hoping for.  Keeping that hand out - he knew I was there for him.  When he was ready, he responded.

 

*** I have a friend who is a middle school teacher.  She'd love to isolate this age for schooling.   

[heartlikealion]

His complaints about not having friends only became very strong as a teen but he’s never much enjoyed forced scenarios (ie game days, co-op, park days, library events). For the most part I’ve just focused on the day-to-day. I have no high hopes for the bowling get together. 

I feel bad that one kid or the other seems to be catered to due to the age gap. It’s my perception that ds gets dragged to places with dad and dd (Children’s museum and park). That’s why I think it’s so important to find things for him to do without her or spend time with him when dd isn’t in the room. Or when possible find things that work for both ages. I took them to a city library a week or so ago but ds wasn’t interested in the new teen room with the gaming console. 

Technically ds and I are both considered neurodiverse. He has ADHD inattentive type (no idea if he’s on the spectrum and once again I’ve decided to just pause or stop any testing) and I’m self diagnosed with dyscalculia. 

He hasn’t been particularly snarky the last couple visits but when he is rude I don’t know if it’s a possible ASD unawareness thing or teen thing (or both). I think the only time he’s really smiled in photos was when he was a toddler. But he cracked his own joke about it when he saw dd’s serious face in a VBS photo. At first he hurt her feelings then he said her expression was like all his photos and smoothed things over. So I think there’s a lot of emotional intelligence he’s starting to convey. 

I’m far more prone to say ds can stay home alone than xh. Dad says it’s too dangerous to leave him home alone if we go to the city… but in a true emergency dad is usually 10 min away and ds has a cell phone. So I don’t know what’s fair. The main reason I avoid it is because I have limited time with the kids, not because I think ds will be in danger. 

[gardenmom5]

18 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

 . I think the only time he’s really smiled in photos was when he was a toddler. But he cracked his own joke about it when he saw dd’s serious face in a VBS photo. At first he hurt her feelings then he said her expression was like all his photos and smoothed things over. So I think there’s a lot of emotional intelligence he’s starting to convey.  

1ds went through a period where he "didn't" smile.  the slightest quirk at the corner of his mouth was = to a lol from most other teens.

 

as for the staying home alone.  Most states allow 12 years and up.  But some kids are more responsible than others.   would your xh be open to him taking a babysitting class?  not for babysitting per se - but because they do go over emergency procedures and what to do if something happens when there isn't an adult home.  (some adults could use that too.) what to do if someone comes to the door?  the phone? 

we started out allowing dudeling to be home by himself for short periods of time, and slowly worked up.

[heartlikealion]

10 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

1ds went through a period where he "didn't" smile.  the slightest quirk at the corner of his mouth was = to a lol from most other teens.

 

as for the staying home alone.  Most states allow 12 years and up.  But some kids are more responsible than others.   would your xh be open to him taking a babysitting class?  not for babysitting per se - but because they do go over emergency procedures and what to do if something happens when there isn't an adult home.  (some adults could use that too.) what to do if someone comes to the door?  the phone? 

we started out allowing dudeling to be home by himself for short periods of time, and slowly worked up.

It's just the distance that bothers xh. He says we're too far away if ds is home alone and we're 45 min away. And for us to do anything we'd have to leave ds home alone for a minimum of 3 hours because drive time + activity or errands. I think ds would enjoy that. 

That is something to consider. I think he would take it as an insult, though. Like Mom, I don't need to take the class. 

Edited July 8, 2022 by heartlikealion

[bolt.]

I'd be fine with leaving a kid home alone in those circumstances. In my city, I'm often 30-40 minutes away and/or gone for 3h just doing errands. It hasn't bothered me for years.

I don't think a kid needs a babysitting course to learn, "Call nearby family if something goes wrong and you feel uncertain. Call 911 if there is a medical emergency, crime, or threat of a crime. If either of that happens, call me after to keep me updated."

On the other hand, with limited parenting time for you, I can't fathom you needing to plan your city errands on those days. You'd end up losing that time for very little reason. I'd only leave him home in order to do something with dd that might feel like a 'drag along little kid' thing to him. Be sure to discuss that openly and not try to lead him towards 'stay home' or 'go with' options -- because he could feel rejected/unwanted on the outing if you seem enthusiastic about him staying home when you are bringing it up.

[heartlikealion]

2 minutes ago, bolt. said:

I'd be fine with leaving a kid home alone in those circumstances. In my city, I'm often 30-40 minutes away and/or gone for 3h just doing errands. It hasn't bothered me for years.

I don't think a kid needs a babysitting course to learn, "Call nearby family if something goes wrong and you feel uncertain. Call 911 if there is a medical emergency, crime, or threat of a crime. If either of that happens, call me after to keep me updated."

On the other hand, with limited parenting time for you, I can't fathom you needing to plan your city errands on those days. You'd end up losing that time for very little reason. I'd only leave him home in order to do something with dd that might feel like a 'drag along little kid' thing to him. Be sure to discuss that openly and not try to lead him towards 'stay home' or 'go with' options -- because he could feel rejected/unwanted on the outing if you seem enthusiastic about him staying home when you are bringing it up.

Yes, exactly. When I only had weekends I didn't want to leave him home alone because we had such limited time. Now, we get a week together at a time so a few hours one day where I take dd somewhere he doesn't want to go doesn't seem as bad. But thus far I have avoided that as I still feel we have limited time together and that's not the best way to use it. I try to do errands without them, but if dd and I say, went to the park, we might also run into Walmart to grab a few snacks she could pick out herself. 

It's definitely a fine line. And I have on occasion set up a sitter situation for dd so that ds and I could hang out one-on-one. I just haven't done that lately. One time I had a girlfriend of mine watch dd while ds and I saw Black Widow in the theatre. She has a daughter the same as as dd so dd had a blast. Once or twice I've used the drop off babysitting options for a couple of hours... but dd ended up not liking those very much which was quite disappointing. I think she was ok with the tumbling place when they did a parents' night out, but not a fan of the church drop off. I should see if the tumbling place is doing any. 

[gardenmom5]

52 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

It's just the distance that bothers xh. He says we're too far away if ds is home alone and we're 45 min away. And for us to do anything we'd have to leave ds home alone for a minimum of 3 hours because drive time + activity or errands. I think ds would enjoy that. 

That is something to consider. I think he would take it as an insult, though. Like Mom, I don't need to take the class. 

But darling son - think of it as a hoop to jump through to reach "freedom" of having some independence.  wink wink nudge nudge.  (the same idea - if you want a driver's license, you have to "jump through hoops".)

3 hours is kinda long - all the more reason to make sure he knows how to handle emergencies.  There may also be online courses - or even just materials to review.

[heartlikealion]

18 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

But darling son - think of it as a hoop to jump through to reach "freedom" of having some independence.  wink wink nudge nudge.  (the same idea - if you want a driver's license, you have to "jump through hoops".)

3 hours is kinda long - all the more reason to make sure he knows how to handle emergencies.  There may also be online courses - or even just materials to review.

I just have a couple weeks of summer left with them and money is very tight so I will probably be best off just holding off on anything that he perceives as a drag/eats up into my limited money. However, it is something I can research to see what is offered in my area for a future date. 

They return to school Aug. 8. I get them July 11-17, July 25-31. 

[gardenmom5]

On 6/28/2022 at 7:14 PM, heartlikealion said:

The thing is I’ll observe one thing but later he may blurt out something again and I’ll think huh I had no idea? Even now I know he may act nice to my face then later say my food isn’t good and he was “just being polite.” So I am just trying not to put too much weight into it, at least not outwardly. I defrosted cookies I’d baked and he wasn’t interested at first but then said these are really good. Little victories lol I’m much more of a baker than a cook IMO. 

Welcome to the teenage years.   This too shall pass . . . . 

On 7/7/2022 at 10:19 AM, heartlikealion said:

Which ones? I saw the first LOTR a long time ago (I think in the theatre) and twice fell asleep at home trying to watch the Two Towers.  

My friend group in high school, was into LotR books.  I just couldn't get into it.

I have kids who love LotR. . . 1dd claims she majored in classics because of JRRTolkein.  (she also seriously complained Elvish wasn't a complete language and she actually started trying to flesh it out more before she lost interest.)

she demanded I read the books - I couldn't.

Older kids sat me down in front of the movies and made me watch them . . .by the end - I had stopped paying attention.  As soon as the credits started to roll  . .  can I leave now?  

 I haven't even watched The Hobbit (no interest.  I did read the book in high school.)

1 hour ago, bolt. said:

I don't think a kid needs a babysitting course to learn, "Call nearby family if something goes wrong and you feel uncertain. Call 911 if there is a medical emergency, crime, or threat of a crime. If either of that happens, call me after to keep me updated."

 

what to do when salesman comes to the door and demands to see a parent? what if it's a "salesman" just scoping out the house?  (I've had so many reports of those of late on my local nextdoor group) what qualifies as a medical emergency? what is a threat?  how to recognize a threat when you still have an option to "call 911"? before it gets to the point it's too late to call 911.
what to do if you smell gas?  what does gas smell like?  

what to do if the power goes out? what to do in a storm?  or an earthquake?  Things happen.

there are a lot of programs like that - scouts has a good one. 

17 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I just have a couple weeks of summer left with them and money is very tight so I will probably be best off just holding off on anything that he perceives as a drag/eats up into my limited money. However, it is something I can research to see what is offered in my area for a future date. 

They return to school Aug. 8. I get them July 11-17, July 25-31. 

there are some online.  you can put together your own, just go for the lists of "what to do in an emergency."  especially any types of "sudden" weather things in your area.  (or earthquakes if you live in an earthquake zone - I do.)

Edited July 8, 2022 by gardenmom5

[heartlikealion]

8 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

Welcome to the teenage years.   This too shall pass . . . . 

My friend group in high school, was into LotR books.  I just couldn't get into it.

I have kids who love LotR. . . 1dd claims she majored in classics because of JRRTolkein.  (she also seriously complained Elvish wasn't a complete language and she actually started trying to flesh it out more before she lost interest.)

she demanded I read the books - I couldn't.

Older kids sat me down in front of the movies and made me watch them . . .by the end - I had stopped paying attention.  As soon as the credits started to roll  . .  can I leave now?  

 I haven't even watched The Hobbit (no interest.  I did read the book in high school.)

what to do when salesman comes to the door and demands to see a parent? what if it's a "salesman" just scoping out the house?  (I've had so many reports of those of late on my local nextdoor group) what qualifies as a medical emergency? what is a threat?  how to recognize a threat when you still have an option to "call 911"? before it gets to the point it's too late to call 911.
what to do if you smell gas?  what does gas smell like?  

what to do if the power goes out? what to do in a storm?  or an earthquake?  Things happen.

there are a lot of programs like that - scouts has a good one. 

there are some online.  you can put together your own, just go for the lists of "what to do in an emergency."  especially any types of "sudden" weather things in your area.  (or earthquakes if you live in an earthquake zone - I do.)

I don't even know where the call goes if you dial 911 here so I need to put the local number on the fridge or in our phones. But the police station is literally a couple blocks away. They won't answer the door if I'm not home. I don't even answer the door for UPS, I let them ring the doorbell then I go to the door afterwards to grab my stuff. There are definitely some check lists I can look up. 

Lol @ the LOTR stuff. Sounds a bit like me and the Goonies. I'm like what is so great about this movie? The best part is that they feature Rocky Road ice cream. 

[gardenmom5]

13 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I don't even know where the call goes if you dial 911 here so I need to put the local number on the fridge or in our phones. But the police station is literally a couple blocks away. They won't answer the door if I'm not home. I don't even answer the door for UPS, I let them ring the doorbell then I go to the door afterwards to grab my stuff. There are definitely some check lists I can look up. 

Lol @ the LOTR stuff. Sounds a bit like me and the Goonies. I'm like what is so great about this movie? The best part is that they feature Rocky Road ice cream. 

Not answering a door is fine if it's just a random person who goes away, but could be very bad if it's someone scoping out the house.  

And ding dong ditch is still a thing . . . 

half (or more) of my delivery drivers don't even bother to ring the doorbell . . . .  .. . 

Will the police dispatch? are there units available at the station TO dispatch?   

[maize]

7 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

Not answering a door is fine if it's just a random person who goes away, but could be very bad if it's someone scoping out the house.  

And ding dong ditch is still a thing . . . 

half (or more) of my delivery drivers don't even bother to ring the doorbell . . . .  .. . 

Will the police dispatch? are there units available at the station TO dispatch?   

I always told my kids not to answer the door when I was home, and to call me if someone was persistent.

 

 

[gardenmom5]

5 minutes ago, maize said:

I always told my kids not to answer the door when I was home, and to call me if someone was persistent.

 

 

random people scoping the house for nefarious purposes don't generally ring more than once or twice (if at all).  If no one answers, they assume no one is home and will either look in windows to take pictures - local next door guy's security camera caught someone doing that this week (with plans to come back later) or break-in right then. - And the police cars at a house up the street didnt' faze the guys who broke into my house.

Ding dong ditch is usually teens being . . . obnoxious teens. . . . 

[heartlikealion]

16 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

Not answering a door is fine if it's just a random person who goes away, but could be very bad if it's someone scoping out the house.  

And ding dong ditch is still a thing . . . 

half (or more) of my delivery drivers don't even bother to ring the doorbell . . . .  .. . 

Will the police dispatch? are there units available at the station TO dispatch?   

It’s not a very big concern of mine. If they are scoping out the house they will probably figure out someone is home from the sound of the tv. 

my ups guys usually ring the doorbell but fedex is another story lol 

I really don’t know how the police stuff works. I think calling the local number would be most effective. We’ve called 911 in the past and got put on hold or never transferred properly when we tried to report a stopped car on the interstate (not pulled over on the shoulder)— which is actually a state trooper area I think though it’s hard to get anyone to take responsibility for certain areas. 

I had someone ringing my doorbell once when I was about to shower and home alone. I just ignored it. I still don’t know who it was. 

[heartlikealion]

Little update

I just moved into a new home (rental). The kids came over after their rooms were ready but before I finished. Unfortunately the A/C was messed up then completely out of commission for a bit during their stay. I took them to the movies late one night to beat the heat (plus we'd been meaning to go see the film, anyway). We had the whole showing to ourselves and the movie was funny (Rise of Gru). We got a whole new A/C unit on Tuesday? 

I played one of the Big Bang Theory games with ds another visit, but it was much harder and much less about the show than we expected. Then I said oh yeah now I remember why I didn't use these games much... lol. We were able to answer some of the questions but many were ridiculous ques (like actual science questions that were over our head). Sometimes you would play Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock to steal someone's cards. 

I have both copies of The Hobbit (audio and hard copy) from the library. I listened to part of it but it was a challenge for me as I stated before. I watched all three Lord of the Rings movies one week by myself but not the Hobbit film. Ds said he has listened to about an hour of the audio at dad's but was only awake/paying attention for 20 min or so (lol). Due to my wifi issues this week (I had the service transferred to this address but a series of hiccups so we had no wifi for 3.5 days) I told him we might not be able to access the audio version and he was welcome to use the book if he wanted. Got wifi yesterday afternoon. Now we could access both versions but he has decided he wants to stick with the hard copy and read ~30 pages a day. I haven't been on his case about it, but this is the conclusion he came to. The librarian said you can download the hoopla books to your phone to access later, but I haven't tried that/don't remember seeing that option. That makes no sense to me as how would you "return" a book that's downloaded to your device? 

Ds couldn't fathom how I got this "big house" and yet I'm broke. I told him I was blessed, it's actually cheaper than a one bedroom in the city. The rent here is the same as the last place before they hike it up in Aug but this one has central air and better landlords. He made a comment about dad and I said well your father pays less because he's in faculty housing. I have no choice but to pay more. I also told him I put some things on my cc this week because of all my expenses and my dad paid for several things while he was here (he took us out to eat, bought my new floor cleaner). Later he told me that he wasn't trying to be mean with his comments, he was just vocalizing that he didn't really understand. It didn't make sense to him. I told him I live paycheck to paycheck and when I get paid I try to pay off my cc balance and most of it goes to rent/bills. 

He kept telling me about this Microsoft Rewards app but the first time I tried to enroll it rejected my email address. I finally got it to work (using my gmail). I think we're actually quite a lot alike. When it's his money, he definitely second guesses spending it lol. He offered me $5 yesterday to renew Peacock and I said, "you sure?" and then he thought twice and said, "I don't know, I like to hold onto my money." LOL. I'm at the point where I might be okay taking some of his money for things like that. We discussed the money thing a few weeks ago and I said, "I don't feel comfortable taking money from you. You seem to think I borrow from you all the time and hold it against me." He said it's not like that anymore, that was just for court (wow). 

[Kanin]

22 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Ds couldn't fathom how I got this "big house" and yet I'm broke. I told him I was blessed, it's actually cheaper than a one bedroom in the city. The rent here is the same as the last place before they hike it up in Aug but this one has central air and better landlords. He made a comment about dad and I said well your father pays less because he's in faculty housing. I have no choice but to pay more. I also told him I put some things on my cc this week because of all my expenses and my dad paid for several things while he was here (he took us out to eat, bought my new floor cleaner). Later he told me that he wasn't trying to be mean with his comments, he was just vocalizing that he didn't really understand. It didn't make sense to him. I told him I live paycheck to paycheck and when I get paid I try to pay off my cc balance and most of it goes to rent/bills. 

When I was about your DS's age, I was kind of rude about my mom's money, too. I knew we were poor, and I was embarrassed about it. I didn't want to shop at Goodwill for clothes, or live in an ugly little ranch house. I would always grab the free real estate books at the grocery store and try to find a house that she could buy. I really couldn't understand why she wasn't motivated to move (now I know it was because she had no money to move!). 

At the same time, I was really proud of her for working so hard and making ends meet. And now... I love shopping at Goodwill! LOL. 

Honestly, in many ways, I'm glad I grew up poor. It taught me responsibility, creativity, and to appreciate the things that I buy. I do wish it wasn't such a struggle for my mother, but there was definitely a silver lining to the situation.

[heartlikealion]

1 minute ago, Kanin said:

When I was about your DS's age, I was kind of rude about my mom's money, too. I knew we were poor, and I was embarrassed about it. I didn't want to shop at Goodwill for clothes, or live in an ugly little ranch house. I would always grab the free real estate books at the grocery store and try to find a house that she could buy. I really couldn't understand why she wasn't motivated to move (now I know it was because she had no money to move!). 

At the same time, I was really proud of her for working so hard and making ends meet. And now... I love shopping at Goodwill! LOL. 

Honestly, in many ways, I'm glad I grew up poor. It taught me responsibility, creativity, and to appreciate the things that I buy. I do wish it wasn't such a struggle for my mother, but there was definitely a silver lining to the situation.

aww, thank you for sharing. 

Dd wants new posters for her room but I didn't realize how expensive they were. I am thinking of trying to make my own art for her wall (with the Disney characters she likes). She has no faith in me haha. But I can transfer the image onto a canvas with a projector or tracing paper and a sharpie or something I think.... just an idea. The Amazon prices for the posters are showing the small versions. Once you click on the sizing options it's like $35 for the 24x36. That's insane to me. 

[Jaybee]

It sounds like he is maturing in his ability to see more of the whole picture, as well as in some understanding of you and your situation. Also, he seems ready to start taking some responsibility on his own for his reading and such. Maybe he is enjoying your treating him as older and responsible. I think being honest without being negative toward ex is helpful. It can also help teach your ds about finances and planning, etc. I have personally found it a challenge sometimes to balance teaching my kids about being careful and wise financially, while not causing them to worry. You probably find that true as well.

[Kanin]

51 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

aww, thank you for sharing. 

Dd wants new posters for her room but I didn't realize how expensive they were. I am thinking of trying to make my own art for her wall (with the Disney characters she likes). She has no faith in me haha. But I can transfer the image onto a canvas with a projector or tracing paper and a sharpie or something I think.... just an idea. The Amazon prices for the posters are showing the small versions. Once you click on the sizing options it's like $35 for the 24x36. That's insane to me. 

You're welcome. I hope it made you feel a bit better.

I'm sure you can make art for DD's walls! You already did an awesome job with the bench you created. This would probably be way easier. 

[HomeAgain]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

aww, thank you for sharing. 

Dd wants new posters for her room but I didn't realize how expensive they were. I am thinking of trying to make my own art for her wall (with the Disney characters she likes). She has no faith in me haha. But I can transfer the image onto a canvas with a projector or tracing paper and a sharpie or something I think.... just an idea. The Amazon prices for the posters are showing the small versions. Once you click on the sizing options it's like $35 for the 24x36. That's insane to me. 

When I was a kid we used to do "stained glass" art.  We'd take a coloring page we really liked and stuck it in a frame.  Then we'd outline it on the glass in sharpies, adding extra lines for the stained glass effect.  The pieces would get filled in with regular craft paint and then the entire thing would get turned around so the paint was on the inside of the frame.

We only paid about $1-5, depending on what we found at the thrift store to repurpose.

[heartlikealion]

She really wants Amphibia and The Owl House art (Disney+ shows). I found an image I might be able to redo. But I have a few ideas. 

[Catwoman]

2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

aww, thank you for sharing. 

Dd wants new posters for her room but I didn't realize how expensive they were. I am thinking of trying to make my own art for her wall (with the Disney characters she likes). She has no faith in me haha. But I can transfer the image onto a canvas with a projector or tracing paper and a sharpie or something I think.... just an idea. The Amazon prices for the posters are showing the small versions. Once you click on the sizing options it's like $35 for the 24x36. That's insane to me. 

Is there a Buy Nothing Facebook group in your town? You might be able to get things like posters and other things you want or need through a group like that. 

People in those groups are usually very nice, and I know I have considered it to be a blessing when I can give things I’m not using to people who want or need them. Most people just leave things on their front porch when they know the recipient is coming, so there’s no personal contact at all. And your financial situation doesn’t matter — people from all walks of life give and receive things on Buy Nothing groups.

Edited July 29, 2022 by Catwoman
Autocorrect is drunk again

[heartlikealion]

8 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Is there a Buy Nothing Facebook group in your town? You might be able to get things like posters and other things you want or need through a group like that. 

People in those groups are usually very nice, and I know I have considered it to be a blessing when I can give things I’m not using to people who want or need them. Most people just leave things on their front porch when they know the recipient is coming, so there’s no personal contact at all. And your financial situation doesn’t matter — people from all walks of life give and receive things on Buy Nothing groups.

In the city there is but this is a very specific request so I’ll probably just try to get creative.  

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

In the city there is but this is a very specific request so I’ll probably just try to get creative.  

If the group has a day where you can request specific things, give it a try — you never know what someone may have!

A while back, someone posted on my local group about how they were looking for a certain mystery book, and it turned out that I was able to give her the whole series, which was just taking up space in a big box in my garage. I was happy to be rid of the books, and she was glad to get them. So there’s no harm in asking! 🙂 

[heartlikealion]

I didn’t get any response to my question in a freebie group about the Disney art. 
How it’s going… 

 

[bolt.]

Good for you! What a cool project!

[heartlikealion]

I thought since things had been improving that ds might enjoy the concert with me but the artist had to cancel his tour. We were supposed to go later this month. Apparently the guy got a node on his vocal cord and the dr told him to cancel. On the plus side, I got a refund and I really needed the money. Ds seemed indifferent but I was really bummed lol 

I’ve made some progress on the new home. I cleaned out several cupboards and started using them, hung one set of curtains in ds’ room and the massive curtain rod in the living room. I researched making the tv swivel so we can point it to different sides of the living room and I assembled the new swivel TV stand yesterday. 

I baked cookies this week with a recipe from their dad’s family. I set some aside for them (I get the kids Thursday after school) and gave most away. I’m friendly with my neighbor - we worked together years ago. She invited me in one day and I invited her over but she had stuff on the stove so another time. She loved the cookies so hopefully the kids enjoy them. 

[Kanin]

Your artwork is so cool! I wish I could do that. 

[heartlikealion]

3 hours ago, Kanin said:

Your artwork is so cool! I wish I could do that. 

It’s harder than I thought on that scale so I made extra boxes on my second print out and I’m still struggling a little. I figure it’ll be close and I’ll outline it all, erase pencil best I can, and add color. I treat it like one of those activity pages in a kids’ book lol “finish this drawing” using the grid. 

[heartlikealion]

Getting there 

[heartlikealion]

The art is on this link 

https://rjwriting.ink/2021/07/24/the-prophecy-is-fulfilled-amphibia-owl-house-are-now-one/