Immediate prayer needed

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

Praying for you today.

[Kassia]

Thinking of you today and so sorry that all of this happened.  😞  

[Corbster98]

Praying for you all today. 

Hugs

[TravelingChris]

I know I didn't respond earlier but I have been praying.  I am so very sorry.  It also makes me remember Margaret in Colorado and her oldest daughter, who lost her fiancé a few months before the wedding.  

So many hugs to your daughter, yourself and her boyfriend's family too.  And all the friends, too.

 

[DreamerGirl]

Your daughter should not be facing additional things especially what seems like bullying in the midst of trauma. So sorry.

Holding all of you in my thoughts today. 

[Just Kate]

Praying for you all today. I know it will be difficult, so please know that you have the Hive praying for you and thinking about you today. 

[saraha]

Hugs to everyone 

[Alte Veste Academy]

((((((Soror))))))

((((((Sorror's DD))))))

((((((Soror's whole family having to deal with this))))))

No words are sufficient, so just hugs. 

[Catwoman]

I'm so sorry to hear about the jerks your dd has had to deal with. I don't know why some people have to be so mean. 😞 

Praying today as you deal with the viewing and the funeral. It's smart of you to plan to take a break from it at some point during the day. It's so many hours long, that it sounds like it could be overwhelming. 

[Soror]

We made it through. It was very, very hard. DD has done ok mostly. It was wonderful to see all the love and support for him. Now they are having another gathering. DD went with family and DH and I are grabbing a bite. Long, long day- 7 hrs since it started. I don't know how they are still going. I'm so spent.

[Kassia]

Thanks for the update.  Glad it's over.  You and dd must be drained emotionally and physically.  It's so much to process - too much.  ❤️

[Soror]

Thank you all for the support this last horrible, horrible week. It has been a boost in the arm when I needed it. 

Dd stayed with a friend, bf's cousin, nearly the whole time. They were able to lean on each other. She came home with us for the night. I'm so glad I don't think either of them being alone would be good. I'm waiting for the reality to set in. I think this is going to be getting harder for awhile. They're not going to school today and I'm happy for the 3 day weekend before dd goes back to give some time and space for healing and things to settle.

I'm waiting for a physical crash myself, with all the adrenaline and stress this week. And I'm anxious to see my 2 little ones. I've hardly seen them all week. Of the last 7 nights they've only been home 1 but I'm not picking them up until later today so I have a bit of down time (so I can be actually present at least some point when I do get them).

[Kassia]

37 minutes ago, Soror said:

Thank you all for the support this last horrible, horrible week. It has been a boost in the arm when I needed it. 

Dd stayed with a friend, bf's cousin, nearly the whole time. They were able to lean on each other. She came home with us for the night. I'm so glad I don't think either of them being alone would be good. I'm waiting for the reality to set in. I think this is going to be getting harder for awhile. They're not going to school today and I'm happy for the 3 day weekend before dd goes back to give some time and space for healing and things to settle.

I'm waiting for a physical crash myself, with all the adrenaline and stress this week. And I'm anxious to see my 2 little ones. I've hardly seen them all week. Of the last 7 nights they've only been home 1 but I'm not picking them up until later today so I have a bit of down time (so I can be actually present at least some point when I do get them).

Sound like spending time with bf's cousin has been good for dd.  Glad she has someone she's comfortable with during this time.  

I think it's going to be a long time for reality to set in.  This tragedy has been such a shock and so difficult for the brain to process.  And real life without him hasn't even started yet.  😞  

Hope you can get some rest and enjoy some time with your little ones.  Take care of yourself as best you can so you can be there for your dd.  Sending love and hugs.

[saraha]

Thinking of you @Soror

[wintermom]

Glad things went smoothly for you all today. Still thinking and praying for you. 

[Shoeless]

@Soror I am so sorry your daughter has had to deal with those jerks. The only thing I can think of you explain it is the teens have a lot of grief and anxiety over what happened and don't know what to do with those feelings. 

The whole thing is so tragic. I am so sorry ❤️

[Soror]

Thank you all for continued support. 

She was exhausted all day yesterday. Friend/bf's cousin hung around until 5. She's supposed to work today but called in. They wrecked after he'd picked her up from work so I think it would be rather hard to go back so soon. She's working on plans hanging out with another friend instead. I'm dreading this afternoon rolling around. We got the first call at 3:20 and the call he passed at 4:08.

I got the blood (bf's 😞 ) out of her clothes and shoes but not sure if she'll want to wear them again. It's all so surreal. She has flowers from the funeral drying in her room.

[Kassia]

No words, @Soror.  Sending positive thoughts and hugs for all of you.  Surreal is a good way to put it.  I'm so sorry.

[KatieJ]

I think you are being the best Mom for your daughter. This is a horrible thing to happen to her and she has no idea how to cope, actually neither do you. It’s just one event, one day or even one hour at a time for a good while now. I think school could be both helpful and difficult. Just keep doing what you’re doing, keeping a watchful eye and be there when she needs support. The guidance counselor could be a good refuge during the day. I would maybe call and talk to him to get a sense of the climate at school. 
My DD did not want to grieve as publicly as her friend’s family did. Yes, everyone grieves differently, we are quieter about it. She went to work, but she was a lifeguard and I found her on the floor in the locker room sobbing, and I took her home that day. I called her boss, which is something I normally NEVER would do, and said she won’t be in for awhile as I knew she was not able to concentrate and keep others safe.DH and I were going to Hawaii 3 weeks later and she was supposed to stay home and work, with her friend’s  family being her check in if she needed something. We changed that plan and sent her to her grandparents with her younger brothers. It was a good plan. 


Trust your gut as her Mom. You are doing wonderfully well. 
I am praying for you as you navigate this new normal .

 

[J-rap]

I'm so, so sorry this has happened, to your dd, to bf, to bf's family, to everyone involved. 

My dd was in a situation a few years ago that was horrible and traumatizing, and a life was lost as well.  My dd went into shock and stopped talking for about a week.  She had been working at her first post-college job a few hours away for about 6 months by then.  I drove to get her and brought her home, and amazingly, the whole family (two other children were out of the house by then) was able to be home too and we surrounded her with each other and love for a week.  She and I mostly just sat on the couch together, but the rest of the family tried to do things as usual, all around her, and she was able to see glimpses of regular life going on still, including some laughter and fun, and I know that helped her.   She ended up taking off work for about a month (her employer was so considerate and caring -- told her to take all the time she needed).

She'll always carry this with her of course, but time truly does heal the grief and shock and trauma.  Hugs to all of you.

 

Edited April 30, 2022 by J-rap

[wintermom]

@J-rap so sorry your dd went through this.  Shock, numbness, disbelief are probably things Soror's dd and family will be feeling,  too. Finding ways to deal with it are going to be important.  Thanks for sharing what helped you 

[J-rap]

1 hour ago, wintermom said:

@J-rap so sorry your dd went through this.  Shock, numbness, disbelief are probably things Soror's dd and family will be feeling,  too. Finding ways to deal with it are going to be important.  Thanks for sharing what helped you 

Thank you...  I was surprised that after I typed it and let myself remember it, I had to stifle some sobs from deep within.  It's still there, but it becomes much less sharp over time.

[DreamerGirl]

Sending you ((Hugs)) @Soror.  

Wish I could do more. 

 

[Soror]

On 4/30/2022 at 9:22 AM, KatieInMN said:

I think you are being the best Mom for your daughter. This is a horrible thing to happen to her and she has no idea how to cope, actually neither do you. It’s just one event, one day or even one hour at a time for a good while now. I think school could be both helpful and difficult. Just keep doing what you’re doing, keeping a watchful eye and be there when she needs support. The guidance counselor could be a good refuge during the day. I would maybe call and talk to him to get a sense of the climate at school. 
My DD did not want to grieve as publicly as her friend’s family did. Yes, everyone grieves differently, we are quieter about it. She went to work, but she was a lifeguard and I found her on the floor in the locker room sobbing, and I took her home that day. I called her boss, which is something I normally NEVER would do, and said she won’t be in for awhile as I knew she was not able to concentrate and keep others safe.DH and I were going to Hawaii 3 weeks later and she was supposed to stay home and work, with her friend’s  family being her check in if she needed something. We changed that plan and sent her to her grandparents with her younger brothers. It was a good plan. 

Trust your gut as her Mom. You are doing wonderfully well. 
I am praying for you as you navigate this new normal .

Oh, your poor baby. Yes, everyone does grieve differently. That has been a challenge to navigate. And you are so right this is such a different kind of situation that some of the regular rules must be broken to do what we can.

On 4/30/2022 at 10:39 AM, J-rap said:

I'm so, so sorry this has happened, to your dd, to bf, to bf's family, to everyone involved. 

My dd was in a situation a few years ago that was horrible and traumatizing, and a life was lost as well.  My dd went into shock and stopped talking for about a week.  She had been working at her first post-college job a few hours away for about 6 months by then.  I drove to get her and brought her home, and amazingly, the whole family (two other children were out of the house by then) was able to be home too and we surrounded her with each other and love for a week.  She and I mostly just sat on the couch together, but the rest of the family tried to do things as usual, all around her, and she was able to see glimpses of regular life going on still, including some laughter and fun, and I know that helped her.   She ended up taking off work for about a month (her employer was so considerate and caring -- told her to take all the time she needed).

She'll always carry this with her of course, but time truly does heal the grief and shock and trauma.  Hugs to all of you.

Thank you for sharing. I can hear the pain in your voice talking about it. Sometimes all we can do is be there and love them. It is so hard when there is nothing we can do to help.

-------------

Thank you both for sharing. It means a lot to hear these stories of others that have made it through similar things and are on the other side.

I think dd will heal in time, the hole in her heart eventually replaced with a scar and a remembrance. They are young and it was a newer relationship. She will never forget him and for a long time anyone she meets will be compared to him but the pain will fade. I worry more about the long term affects of the trauma of being there and the survivor's guilt. But one day at a time.

She stayed with a friend yesterday and they went kayaking a while. Friend's mom sent me a pic and she had a genuine smile on her face, I 'm pretty certain the first there's been in a week. She got to think of something else at least for a moment. She said she deleted her socials a few days. It was too much seeing post after post about it. In a way, it is very sweet but it was just a constant reminder and it is already on her mind too much as it is. She still hasn't said anything publicly about it. I'm sure she's going to be judged about that but she feels it disrespectful and doesn't want to share her feelings--- and they are all her own she doesn't have to. She's been much more IDK about things-- which sounds bad but has been good I think. She hasn't worn makeup all week, except to the services. She usually just wears mascara but hasn't even done that. Before when she'd go without there would be inevitable comments about it but she don't care and no one would dare say anything right now.

[Katy]

I'm glad to hear about kayaking.  Nature is one thing proven to help with trauma.

[saraha]

You are such a good mom

[readinmom]

All I can tell you that at school, it is really rough.  Last year, we lost a beloved senior girl when she was hit by a drunk driver who fled the scene a week before graduation.  At school, it became divided into real friends vs. pseudo friends.  We had counselors, outside people come in, but it didn't stop the agitation between the two groups.  It became quite contentious...

I pray for your dd, you, all family.  Please let her know we are praying for her...

 

 

[Ann.without.an.e]

Praying for y’all this week ❤️

[Soror]

On 5/1/2022 at 8:54 PM, readinmom said:

All I can tell you that at school, it is really rough.  Last year, we lost a beloved senior girl when she was hit by a drunk driver who fled the scene a week before graduation.  At school, it became divided into real friends vs. pseudo friends.  We had counselors, outside people come in, but it didn't stop the agitation between the two groups.  It became quite contentious...

I pray for your dd, you, all family.  Please let her know we are praying for her...

OH, I can imagine. Dd is very, very agitated by the fake friends going on and on about it. 

-----------

Thank you all for the continued thoughts and prayers. 

DD went back to school Monday. She says it's been pretty rough. Nothing specific just being there. Walking to classes alone. Seeing his empty chair across the hall in math class. People's stupid comments. I talked to the principal about the jerk who made the joke about wrecks and then threatened to slap dd. Dd said the principal seemed to care and was very understanding but they never did tell me what they did with him. It was just about if she needs to come to the office for some downtime and addressing rumors with kids. I guess we're sacrificing dd's peace of mind for his privacy.... which leads into...

Bf's mom has continued to check in with her. When dd mentioned to her yesterday that it just sucks she mentioned she could do half-day homebound (or full day). This had not been mentioned to us before but bf's mom works in the attendance office. I knew they did homebound but didn't know we could do it for her situation. So, we have started the ball rolling on that and hope to have it settled by the end of the week and any day she needs to come home is fine because we can back date the forms. Dd has decided she wants to do the first half of the day so she'll ride in with ds and I'll pick her up at lunch. The principal is supposed to be calling me today. (side note they always make attendance some like a really big deal but evidently if you know the right people it isn't)

In other news the hospital called about dd's bill. My insurance company wants them to go through his auto insurance first (as expected). Dh was very worried his parents would have to pay some. I told him that wouldn't be the case and verified that with the insurance. So, I talked to bf's mom about that too. She says gpa, who had the insurance, has already sent us a check--- I dont' quite understand that-- but I guess we'll see. She gave me the insurance card info to give to the hospital. Waiting to see how all that shakes out. 

Edited May 4, 2022 by Soror

[Dmmetler]

Insurance here paid off on the car very, very quickly, as well as for some of the extra expenses. They seemed to want to get money into our hands ASAP. The medical is still ongoing, four months later. Here, the direction is the responsible driver's auto, the victim's auto, the victim's medical and the state uninsured/underinsured driver pool, and then (for my parents) Medicare part A. It's a mess. I hope yours is easier to manage.

[wintermom]

@Soror Thanks for the update. Sounds like a really good solution for your dd and school. There's so little school year left, but courses still need to be completed. Will your dd get any extensions with exams, etc. if she has trouble focusing, sleeping and simply functioning? 

@Dmmetler So sorry you're still going through issues with the collision. How is you dad holding up physically and mentally?

[Dmmetler]

20 minutes ago, wintermom said:

@Soror Thanks for the update. Sounds like a really good solution for your dd and school. There's so little school year left, but courses still need to be completed. Will your dd get any extensions with exams, etc. if she has trouble focusing, sleeping and simply functioning? 

@Dmmetler So sorry you're still going through issues with the collision. How is you dad holding up physically and mentally?

I'm going home today. We're both having a hard time. 

[wintermom]

14 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

I'm going home today. We're both having a hard time. 

Hugs to you and your entire family. It's so tough dealing with multiple traumatic events so close together. I feel your pain. I'm having major trouble focusing on work, and I keep imagining that another traumatic event will happen at any time. 

[Soror]

55 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

Insurance here paid off on the car very, very quickly, as well as for some of the extra expenses. They seemed to want to get money into our hands ASAP. The medical is still ongoing, four months later. Here, the direction is the responsible driver's auto, the victim's auto, the victim's medical and the state uninsured/underinsured driver pool, and then (for my parents) Medicare part A. It's a mess. I hope yours is easier to manage.

What a mess. I can't imagine that nightmare on top of all the stress of her care and then losing her. I'm so sorry. I wouldn't expect our auto insurance to be tapped as dd is not driving age but maybe I'm missing something. I really hope it isn't a total nightmare. Her bills shouldn't be so complicated since she was in an out-- an ER visit and catscan.

35 minutes ago, wintermom said:

@Soror Thanks for the update. Sounds like a really good solution for your dd and school. There's so little school year left, but courses still need to be completed. Will your dd get any extensions with exams, etc. if she has trouble focusing, sleeping and simply functioning? 

@Dmmetler So sorry you're still going through issues with the collision. How is you dad holding up physically and mentally?

Yes, just 3 weeks from today for school. The teachers have been very accommodating. So far it has been a mix of exemptions and extensions. She said if she is homebound she can come up after school hours for anything she might need to do on campus or do it via google classroom.

[Soror]

1 minute ago, wintermom said:

Hugs to you and your entire family. It's so tough dealing with multiple traumatic events so close together. I feel your pain. I'm having major trouble focusing on work, and I keep imagining that another traumatic event will happen at any time. 

I bet with all the things you've had happened. You are due for some calmness and peace. I hope your mom's transition to her new place goes well.

I'm a bit jumpy here too. Ds called when he was getting the girls one day. My heart stopped. I didn't think he'd made it there yet and thought for sure he was calling to say he crashed. Ds already had plans to get a new to him car this summer and it will be newer than planned-- partly to help soothe dd. It wouldn't have mattered in bf's crash but it makes her feel safer so that is what is happening. 

[wintermom]

1 hour ago, Soror said:

I bet with all the things you've had happened. You are due for some calmness and peace. I hope your mom's transition to her new place goes well.

I'm a bit jumpy here too. Ds called when he was getting the girls one day. My heart stopped. I didn't think he'd made it there yet and thought for sure he was calling to say he crashed. Ds already had plans to get a new to him car this summer and it will be newer than planned-- partly to help soothe dd. It wouldn't have mattered in bf's crash but it makes her feel safer so that is what is happening. 

I'm not exactly peaceful, but I'm calm. I do a lot of digging in the backyard when I need to chill. It's really satisfying pulling out weeds and stuff. Some of them are incredibly interesting. There are at least 2 weeds that grow their leaves underground and then pop up above the surface. I thought I was imagining things when I'd dig up something underground and it was fully leaved. Smart plants! 

My heart stops a lot when I hear the phone ring. I keep thinking it's the call that mom is gone. I just can't realize that she will pull through this and move into a new place. 

Edited May 4, 2022 by wintermom

[wintermom]

1 hour ago, Soror said:

Yes, just 3 weeks from today for school. The teachers have been very accommodating. So far it has been a mix of exemptions and extensions. She said if she is homebound she can come up after school hours for anything she might need to do on campus or do it via google classroom.

That is excellent! So glad that they'll make accomodations for her. What grade is she finishing?

[Kassia]

@SororI'm so glad the teachers are accommodating.  ❤️

[Dmmetler]

3 hours ago, Soror said:

I bet with all the things you've had happened. You are due for some calmness and peace. I hope your mom's transition to her new place goes well.

I'm a bit jumpy here too. Ds called when he was getting the girls one day. My heart stopped. I didn't think he'd made it there yet and thought for sure he was calling to say he crashed. Ds already had plans to get a new to him car this summer and it will be newer than planned-- partly to help soothe dd. It wouldn't have mattered in bf's crash but it makes her feel safer so that is what is happening. 

 

2 hours ago, wintermom said:

I'm not exactly peaceful, but I'm calm. I do a lot of digging in the backyard when I need to chill. It's really satisfying pulling out weeds and stuff. Some of them are incredibly interesting. There are at least 2 weeds that grow their leaves underground and then pop up above the surface. I thought I was imagining things when I'd dig up something underground and it was fully leaved. Smart plants! 

My heart stops a lot when I hear the phone ring. I keep thinking it's the call that mom is gone. I just can't realize that she will pull through this and move into a new place. 

I had barely gotten over jumping every time the phone rang when Mom died. One of my dad's co-workers, who had a concussion and then her husband died a few months later, said her neurologist told her that she'd lost at least 3 months of her concussion recovery due to that emotional trauma. (And that seems to have happened to Dad, too). The same thing has happened to my anxiety levels, where every car on the road, every time I text L or one of my bonus kids and they don't immediately text back, and every phone call jumps to being an extreme threat. Emotional trauma is trauma, too.

[wintermom]

14 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

 

I had barely gotten over jumping every time the phone rang when Mom died. One of my dad's co-workers, who had a concussion and then her husband died a few months later, said her neurologist told her that she'd lost at least 3 months of her concussion recovery due to that emotional trauma. (And that seems to have happened to Dad, too). The same thing has happened to my anxiety levels, where every car on the road, every time I text L or one of my bonus kids and they don't immediately text back, and every phone call jumps to being an extreme threat. Emotional trauma is trauma, too.

Definitely emotional trauma is taxing on the brain and body. Hugs to you, and hope you are able to sleep, eat, smile and cope with life as successfully as possible. 

[mominco]

((((((((((Soror))))))))))

[Soror]

I need help with helping dd. I can't think clearly. I can't tell what is a proportionate response and what is anxiety and my need to protect my baby.

So as mentioned last Wednesday- 4 days after the wreck- dd went back to school for the first time-- 

kid came in her class for reasons I dont' understand and made a joke to her friend about crashing/wrecking with dd sitting right beside her

dd told him that was inappropriate and asked him to stop- he refused and then called dd a bitch and threatened to slap her-- this went back and forth several times- at the end with her screaming at him to leave and him finally leaving. AFter the fact he messaged an apology for the joke, saying he didn't know she was in the vehicle. No mention of apology for the threat.

Monday I called the principal to ask how they were keeping her safe. They talked to dd and everyone else involved and she finally called me back after school. She didn't tell me anything they were doing to him. She just kept talking about how she was there if dd needed someone to talk to address rumors etc. The only mention she made of him is when I said he shouldn't be there in the first place as he wasn't in dd's class and she said she talked to the teachers about that. Nothing to confirm it wouldn't happen again, just that she talked to them about it. 

Dd felt like the principal seemed to care and it was handled at the time. I was a bit thrown off when I got the call because I'd just picked up dd and she'd been crying and I'd been talking to her about that. After the fact I felt really upset they did not address the issue of her safety. And now dd is very not happy because nothing (that we know of) has been done. She feels he has gotten away with it and they blew it off. She told me this and I told her I'd go to bat for her. BUT I'm not sure the best way to go about this. I want to strangle the little sh*t. I want to visit with his parents (that I know from Scouts) and tell them to keep their son away from my daughter because if he even thinks about touching her I'll call the cops on him. I want to chew out the administration for putting his privacy over her peace of mind, especially after the trauma she has been through. I feel they have not taken threats seriously whatsoever. And right now my baby girl deserves all the safety she can get. I don't care if he didn't mean it or not, he's 16 and old enough to know better than to threaten people openly.

I want to go nuclear. I want to cuss people out and beat the boy. literally..... and I dont' even care to hear about how violence is wrong. But as I said I'm battling the trauma and the anxiety here. I can't judge my own thoughts.

(and a backstory here--- I already didn't like or trust the boy--- if you mention his name people automatically know he is a punk--- we knew him from Scouts and he was a little asshole then---- dd went out with him a few times last Fall (I told her about his past but she thought he was changed b/c he acted so polite and nice-- he hadn't). He didn't keep his hands to himself or understand consent dd promptly broke up with him. I didn't find out about this until after the fact. I think he is a Brock Turner in the making. So--- yes, extreme bias here. I don't trust the kid. No one that knows him does.)

[Kassia]

I'm so sorry your poor dd (and you) have to deal with this on top of everything else.  

[BusyMom5]

The school legally cannot tell you or DD what they are doing with Punk.  Schools can't be 'safe' completely.  I don't think she's ready to be back in school.   I think she's trying too hard to get back to normal too soon.  Has she agreed to Homebound?  I think its a good idea.  Or just go to a few classes that have teachers she can trust?  

And send the e-mail to his parents.   Don't threaten, just be firm that he should not speak to DD.  I'll help draft it. Take emotion out of it, straight and to the point.  

I do think both of you are still emotionally wrung out.  Understandable,  and expected.  I wish school was out!  

[Katy]

So I am biased towards calling the police because I'm the daughter of a police chief.  But if you know any cops I would casually call them and ask what your rights are.  And if you don't know any I would call the non-emergency number during business hours and ask for someone to call or come over and talk to you about this. Laws regarding harrassment and threats are so local that it's nearly impossible to know how a local cop will handle it. But I think in many places the police will go over and talk to him and his parents and scare him enough that he knocks it off OR say that given their history she's already met the grounds for getting a restraining order and help her file for one, which frankly will force the district to move him to another school or keep him home bound.  That's pretty nuclear though so I would hope to just scare him a little.

[saraha]

6 minutes ago, Katy said:

So I am biased towards calling the police because I'm the daughter of a police chief.  But if you know any cops I would casually call them and ask what your rights are.  And if you don't know any I would call the non-emergency number during business hours and ask for someone to call or come over and talk to you about this. Laws regarding harrassment and threats are so local that it's nearly impossible to know how a local cop will handle it. But I think in many places the police will go over and talk to him and his parents and scare him enough that he knocks it off OR say that given their history she's already met the grounds for getting a restraining order and help her file for one, which frankly will force the district to move him to another school or keep him home bound.  That's pretty nuclear though so I would hope to just scare him a little.

I agree with this. 

[saraha]

So I texted dd who works in a law office about this. If this happened to one of my kids. She said for a couple hundred dollars her attorney would draft a letter and have it sent to the boys parents warning them to stay away or he would escalate, and send one to the school.

[Soror]

50 minutes ago, BusyMom5 said:

The school legally cannot tell you or DD what they are doing with Punk.  Schools can't be 'safe' completely.  I don't think she's ready to be back in school.   I think she's trying too hard to get back to normal too soon.  Has she agreed to Homebound?  I think its a good idea.  Or just go to a few classes that have teachers she can trust?  

And send the e-mail to his parents.   Don't threaten, just be firm that he should not speak to DD.  I'll help draft it. Take emotion out of it, straight and to the point.  

I do think both of you are still emotionally wrung out.  Understandable,  and expected.  I wish school was out!  

I don't expect absolute safety. I expect they are obligated to at least try and keep people threatening my kid away from her. I have no assurance they are doing this at this point. If something was to happen and they slacked on this then their ass would be on the line for not taking it seriously. Dd wants to do homebound and we are moving forward with that (appt tomorrow am) but she doesn't want to be FT homebound--- and I don't know that her being home FT is the best choice. She shouldn't have to be homebound b/c the school is sitting on their ass and doing nothing. AFter my son was jumped by some random kid in Jr. High we were told that they would be keeping that kid away and moved out of ds' classroom. That is all I expected. They couldnt' prevent him from getting ds at random times but at least they tried. They need to try here, instead it comes off as dismissing the threat to not address it in any way.

 

9 minutes ago, Katy said:

So I am biased towards calling the police because I'm the daughter of a police chief.  But if you know any cops I would casually call them and ask what your rights are.  And if you don't know any I would call the non-emergency number during business hours and ask for someone to call or come over and talk to you about this. Laws regarding harrassment and threats are so local that it's nearly impossible to know how a local cop will handle it. But I think in many places the police will go over and talk to him and his parents and scare him enough that he knocks it off OR say that given their history she's already met the grounds for getting a restraining order and help her file for one, which frankly will force the district to move him to another school or keep him home bound.  That's pretty nuclear though so I would hope to just scare him a little.

Actually, I do know a cop/detective. One of dd's friend's dad is a detective with the local PD. I've never talked to him personally but dd has been over there a lot and their family has treated her like their own. I tried to look up laws about this and in the end couldn't figure it out.

1 minute ago, saraha said:

So I texted dd who works in a law office about this. If this happened to one of my kids. She said for a couple hundred dollars her attorney would draft a letter and have it sent to the boys parents warning them to stay away or he would escalate, and send one to the school.

And dd's friend's mother (same girl) is a lawyer. I'm pretty certain she'd do it for free. Maybe I need to meet the both of them. I'll talk to dd first and see what she thinks.

[Soror]

Got dd's appointment and paperwork for homebound turned in. She's hoping that she can do half day mornings, with the option to stay all day if it is a good day. Yesterday her Spanish teacher gave her this gift box of goodies and a card the class signed. It was so sweet and the box was covered in sunflowers (bf's fav- although don't know if teacher knew that). 

I also talked to the lady about the issue with POS punk kid. She said they should have contacted dd after the fact to let her know it was handled, which wasn't done. (Dd didn't want to involve either cops or lawyers at this point but his ass better stay away). And I talked to her about dd's one teacher that has been pushing her on her work this week. So, she should be backing up.

Yesterday was a rough day for me. I laid around most of the day. I started the day texting back and forth with bf's mom. I've not talked to her much--- really the only thing I've had a chance to say was I'm sorry the day of the accident. There were so many people at the hospital and then the services I've not had an opportunity and don't know if I could have got anything out (dh was telling me the same when he went through the line at services he couldn't hardly talk as he was crying so hard). I've texted them a few times to let them know I was thinking of them but this was the first real convo. We talked about the accident, dd, and how she (bf's mom) was doing. It's hard and my heart aches. Please keep her especially and the rest of his family in prayers. 

Today my younger 2 have friends over so no time to be thinking sad thoughts (I hope). I must get motivated as all the things I planned to do this week haven't got done.

Edited May 6, 2022 by Soror

[saraha]

Hugs and lots of energy for you today